National Fix-Everyone-Else Day

He is surly, mean, unkind, angry, a horror to be around. We need to sweeten him up. Grab me the honey jar, woman! She doesn’t trust anyone. We need to teach her to be less jumpy. A few hours on the trampoline ought to do the trick. If he doesn’t have a cough, he’s got a headache or a tummy ache. Somebody has to readjust this hypochondriac’s thinking. She’s too compliant, too self-less, too giving; it’s hard to respect her. We need to harden her up. Put her in the microwave! They are too willing, too open, too kind. Everyone takes advantage of them. We need to straighten them up. Run and get me the big ruler. Yes, it is fix-everyone-else day and I am in high form. Until they grab the megaphone out of my hand and Drag me toward the lobotomy shed. HELP!