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Matthew Lowell Poem
Alone in the darkness I await my fate
Surrounded by nothing less than hate
Thinking of the path I chose
Could I draw life to a close
Alone in the darkness my mind goes blank
For this gift I wonder who to thank
One little friend got it's point across
And because of that, all is lost
Alone in the darkness, flashes of my life
The pills, ropes and blood on the knife
I have lost it many times before
Tonight is the night I settle the score
Alone in the darkness, all happiness is gone
A fading heartbeat, my favorite song
Ears still burning and ringing
At least nobody is screaming
Alone in the darkness missing my mother's smile
I wish she were here to comfort me awhile
Even just to hit me for what I've done
I've taken away her only son
Alone in the darkness with a shallow breath
Not nearly enough to laugh at Death
Waiting without anyone by my side
Wishing tonight I would have just cried
Alone in the darkness and feeling so cold
Wondering if I was timid or if I was bold
How could life get so bad where this has to be
Maybe it's because nobody believed in me
Alone in the darkness my eyes finally close
This short path is the one I chose
Copyright © Matthew Lowell | Year Posted 2015
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Matthew Lowell Poem
Can I please have my sanity back
I know now what it is I lack
The fortitude to stand up straight
The courage needed to tempt my fate
The disaster of my wandering mind
When torment is all my thoughts can find
Regret is the emotion that now flows
Even though a smile is all that shows
No more tears shall ever leave my eyes
Not when all they see are lies
How can I love when I cannot trust
How can I be happy when I only lust
Forget it all, this pain inside
Remembering the one time that I cried
Bring to the front my deepest fear
Always thinking the choice was clear
Never understanding the inner me
Never knowing how I should be
Seems I've forgotten what I've become
I've lost sight of where I'm from
This is the existence that I chose
The pages of my life will soon close
Nothing seems to matter now
Forever regretting this somehow
I don't know why I feel this way
This is not how I desire to end the day
My whole life has been chaotic
I am certain I've become neurotic
For all that I am, I am damned
For all that I have, I've been scammed
I need someone to help free me of this feeling
After all, it is my heart that you've been stealing
Copyright © Matthew Lowell | Year Posted 2015
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Matthew Lowell Poem
It is in our darkest hour that we truly shine
Always we are looking for something divine
A longing to be wanted by someone worthy
Always feeling as though we are unworthy
Trying to find and lead the simple life
Always confronted with nothing but strife
Broken are the memories of the past
Always the ones we wanted to last
We seem to be lost at a crossroads
Always watching as our life corrodes
Distraught from all of our suffering
Always wondering what the future will bring
Bearing witness to the worst of it all
Always we must stand true and tall
Forgetting the sorrow we have felt
Always trying to see the hand we’re dealt
We must live for the moment without regret
Always of the future we shall fret
A broken silence when our heart speaks up
Always around the other like a pathetic pup
Lost in the nothingness we do not know
Always searching for a way to grow
Living for another is the only way
Always it will keep the demons at bay
Copyright © Matthew Lowell | Year Posted 2015
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Matthew Lowell Poem
I stop hating
I stop loving
I stop thinking
I stop caring
I stop shaking
I stop living
Every day so I can look in the mirror
Every day to hide my deepest fear
In order to stand up straight
I pretend not to believe in fate
The future is a place I don't belong
Every decision I've ever made is wrong
Is it possible for me to exist like this
When only my past is what I miss
I've lost my family
I've lost my friends
I've lost my enemies
I've lost my heart
I've lost my life
I've lost myself
Searching for a reason I'll never find
A dark truth that will never unwind
Trapped in my mind, decisions of the past
Wondering how long this feeble life will last
On the outside I am able to maintain
But inside I can feel myself going insane
I am losing grip on who I used to be
Hating most of all the inner me
I wish for nothing
I desire everything
I wish for darkness
I desire peace of mind
I wish for emptiness
I desire Death
Copyright © Matthew Lowell | Year Posted 2015
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