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Heather Doakley Poem
Inside I'm freaking out
You never said good night
No lovey dovey I love you
Or sweet dreams, sleep tight
I hope ur phone is on the fritz
I feel like I did something wrong
Listening to Christina perri
A thousand years, our song
I hate not saying good night
And I love you before bed
There is a method to my madness
Because of the things that I dread
What if u don't wake up
Or if I don't wake up one day
I really need I love you to be
The last thing that we say
Life's to short We have found that out
In ways we never thought
And look at what we have together
For years it's what people sought
My heart, my love, my body, my soul
I share the All with you
And all I ask in return
Is you share that with me too
Copyright © Heather Doakley | Year Posted 2015
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Heather Doakley Poem
Said I'd stop writing
Give my mind a rest
But I worry about you so
And there is a pain inside my chest
You told me not to worry
But you're always on my mind
Because you keep everything bottled up
And hide it deep inside
You need to let it go
You said that that's your wall
Stop trying to put it back up
Just let the whole thing fall
You can't keep blocking it out
We'll take it day by day
I promise to never leave your side
And some day he will pay
I Wish I could protect you
From the feelings that you feel
Stop pushing them aside
And admit that they are real
You don't have to be strong anymore
Let me be strong for you
Please give me some of your pain
Because that's what friends do
I promise I am strong enough
And on your darkest day
If you give me what you feel
You'll see the sunshines Rays
You were always there for me
Now it is my turn
Please don't try to protect me
There's so much from you I learned
After last night's talk
And although I'm insecure
I'm giving you my whole heart
For you it's an open door
You say you're fine
Maybe you are
But I have been where you're at
And on my heart there is a scar
You don't deserve or needed
To go through this at all
But since you have no choice
I hope it's me you'll call
When you're down and can't get up
I will be right there
And when you feel all alone
I'll show you how much I care
So in love with you
Name anything you need
And so shall it be done
Until you are completely free
I cannot stress enough
How much I love you
It's usually the other way around
Let me take this away from you
No more pain no more hurt
Please just give it to me
No one else may notice
But in your eyes I see
The hurt and pain and sadness
The confusion you have within
But I promise you my love
You will be the one to win
Copyright © Heather Doakley | Year Posted 2015
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Heather Doakley Poem
Horrific horrid awful thoughts
Running thru my head
Comfy cozy blankets
And lots of pillows on the bed
No control Radom thoughts
All of the things I see
Would scare the shit out of anyone
No control: I'm asleep
Rage and blood pills and death
The pattern does emerge
Jealousy lines of coc
A head that's been submerged
Sharp blades and blood
Or mirrors or glass
The mess is everywhere
I walk into the other room
And curl fetal in a chair
Rocking back and forth
Searching for my happy place
Wishing anyone were here
To wrap me in their embrace
Why is there dried blood
On my face and on my hand
Can't call for help
No one would understand
I stand up, I'm naked I look down,
I'm covered in blood everywhere
I look at the bottle of empty pills
Where I was sitting in that chair
My wrists are slit, but not enuf
To cause me to be dead
Just Enuf to drip down my fingers
And leave a trail across the bed
I look at the bottle once again
Left not a single pill
Did I take all that was there
Wouldn't I be ill
I decide to look In the broken glass
Disgusted by what I see
White powder on my nose
This is so not me
Dried blood runs from my mouth
Dark circles under my eyes
Did I take all those pills
Am I the one who died
I make a run for the toilet
And when down I look
in the bottom of the water
Are the pills I thought I took
Hope the pills all came up
If not I'd still od
There were at least 300 pills
Sitting in front of me
The door opens I hear a scream
But it sounds so far away
It's my kids all of them
But at least I am ok
They start shaking a body
Tears down their faces stream
Shaking and shaking
Mommy they scream
I'm right there my babies
Look I'm ok
Still crying and screaming
They don't look my way
Oh my god all the blood
This is all from me
It was more than a cut
Now that I can see
I didn't stop myself this time
I swore I'd never die
And now my kids have no mom
They just sit and cry
They kiss me in my bloody cheek
One final goodbye
Selfishness has prevailed
For today I have died
Copyright © Heather Doakley | Year Posted 2015
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Heather Doakley Poem
Lost inside my head
As selfish as can be
Three kids to raise
And a husband, not seen
The attention they deserve
Takes second to the drink
A drunken mom again tonight
Is that what they think
Are they embarrassed
By the smell from my breath
Do they hide me from their friends
Do they wish me death
In their younger days
Just put them to bed
Now they are older
Seeing me I dread
What kind of example
Am I setting for these three
I never thought in a million years
That's the mommy I wld be
I try to justify it
The day's they drive me crazy
Honestly it's an excuse
For me being lazy
Instead of dealing with
the normality Of everyday
I hide behind a bottle
Just to get away
What am I trying a to run from
I love my little life
I love being a mom
And I'm happy being a wife
Something deep inside
Is missing from my soul
And I cannot figure out
How to make my heart feel whole
My sweet innocent little ones
Who have shown me how to love
With an unconditional surrender
By just looking up above
Their eyes sparkle So full of wonder
Hearts innocent and pure
And then there's me, the mom they love
Or at least they did before
Before I let the poison bubbly
Become part of me
I must b stronger from now on
And be the mom they need
Need and deserve
They didn't ask for this
I want to be their mommy
Don't run from my kiss
How? Is the question
Do I get back to who I was
Before I opened that first drink
Just to get a buzz
I'm running in a circle
How do I break free
It feels like alcohol
Is a part of me
Lost inside my head
As selfish as can be
Three kids to raise
Not to be like me.
Copyright © Heather Doakley | Year Posted 2015
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Heather Doakley Poem
Love songs are lies
They get in your head
Screw with your life
With words thAt are said
I won't fall for that
I'm way to smart
Love songs aren't real
They only break hearts
I'm not a girly girl
I'm always a mess
My hair does what it wants
I'm awkward in a dress
I grew up in a creek
Catching snakes and frogs
Covered in mud
Building forts out of logs
I never had curves
I wasn't skinny
But that was
What made me, ME
Love songs are lies
They get in your head
Screw with your life
With words thAt are said
I won't fall for that
I'm way to smart
Love songs aren't real
They only break hearts
My friends started dating
That sounds like fun
But I wouldn't be left
The only one
They'd go gaga
Over songs they would hear
This is our song
Whispers in ears
Love songs are lies
They get in your head
Screw with your life
With words thAt are said
I won't fall for that
I'm way to smart
Love songs aren't real
They only break hearts
I didn't get it
Just music and words
20 years later
I now hear what they heard
I'm still awkward in a dress
I fall wearing heels
But I finally know
That love songs are real
Everything that I hear
Turns my thoughts to you
I'm a little more girly
Since I fell for you
I believe in love
And the songs that it plays
I believe I've been swept away
I believe in you
I believe in me
I believe in the words
That love songs sing.
Copyright © Heather Doakley | Year Posted 2015
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Heather Doakley Poem
We've known each other less than a year
Good times and bad times and we still made it here
Never a fighting word to be said
Falling asleep holding you in my bed
A secret love between you and I
My angel on earth brought down from the sky
U brush up against me I get weak in the knees
Blinded eyes how can they not see
This love I have inside my heart
Was something I never meant to start
Walking into a room everyone stares
Your emerald eyes and long blonde hair
Your beautiful smile lights up the room
Everyone turns all eyes are on you
Your heart gives off a radiant glow
We make eye contact, and nobody knows
Days filled with clear skies the sun warms my face
Like your warming, sincere embrace
When no one is looking i can't help but stare
Silence no words love fills the air
When we are apart I feel it still
I love you now and always will
I don't know how others can't see
How much your love means to me
Walking into a room everyone stares
Your emerald eyes and long blonde hair
Your beautiful smile lights up the room
Everyone turns all eyes are on you
Your heart gives off a radiant glow
We make eye contact, and nobody knows
Jealousy never enters my mind
Because my heart knows that your mine
Wherever you are and whoever your with
I just touch my neck and feel ur sweet kiss
Forever together even when we're apart
You are the one who's stolen my heart
Walking into a room everyone stares
Your emerald eyes and long blonde hair
Your beautiful smile lights up the room
Everyone turns all eyes are on you
Your heart gives off a radiant glow
We make eye contact, and nobody knows
Nobody knows nobody knows
We make eye contact and nobody knows
Copyright © Heather Doakley | Year Posted 2015
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Heather Doakley Poem
When my world is dark
And I can not see the light
When I feel the dread inside
That is darker than the night
When I can not find the love
That I know I want to share
And when I sit alone and cry
Because it feels like no one cares
When I think I can go no further
And the tears fall down like rain
And want to sleep a forever slumber
Just to avoid the pain
I know that I can not
And this will all be in the past
Because I let someone in
And we became so close, so fast
As much as I don't want
You taking on my shit
Because you have your own life
And are crazy busy with it
But you have shown me
Time and time again
That you will never leave me
And I can call u a friend
The harder that I tried
To push you away
The harder you pushed back at me
And showed me you would stay.
You have won my heart over
In more ways than you know
And I will be there for you always
As our friendship grows
You have wiped my tears
You have shown me love
You are my guardian angel
Sent from up above
I believe with all my heart
That we were meant to be
In each other's lives forever
There is no question from me
You took a leap of faith
When you became my friend
And I promise you
I will love you till the end
Copyright © Heather Doakley | Year Posted 2015
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Heather Doakley Poem
One minite old
My heart is yours
1 year old
Chasing u across floors
2 years old
My little imp
3 years old
"No mommy, I zip"
4 years old
Forever my baby
5 years old
Wave from the bus, maybe
6 years old
You think you're the boss
7 years old
Battles, you always lost
8 years old
Make up please
9 years old
I drop to my knees
10 years old
So much smarter than me
11 years old
Just leave me be
12 years old
And this time next year
13 years old
I have a teenager here
14 years old
On my shoulder you can cry
15 years old
Over that stupid guy
16 years old
Give me the keys
17 years old
Be careful please
18 years old
You're a highschool grad
19 years old
Off to college, I'm sad
20 years old
You found mr right
21 years old
U gave me a granddaughter that night
22 years old
Mom what do I do
23 years old
I'll always help you
24 years old
Baby number two
25 years old
A little boy dressed in blue
26 years old
2 little ones
27 years old
Hving so much fun
28 years old
Forever your baby
29 years old
Will you get a wave, maybe
30 years old
You came to me
31 years old
This must be a dream
32 years old
And u snuggle up with me
33 years old
I'm sorry for when I was mean
34 years old
We are best friends
35 years old
Till the worlds end
Copyright © Heather Doakley | Year Posted 2015
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Heather Doakley Poem
The thought of you not in my life
Yes I've thought about
It's the thought of you in my life
That I cannot live without
You've become my friend inspite of me
You've never turned away
Everything you heard from me
And still you choose to stay
My screwed up views on life and love
The friendship I don't need
The weakness behind all my pain
And the things that mAke me, me
You never stopped trying To show me your heart
U said you'd break down my wall
Never in one million years
would I think my wall would fall
Completely inspired to open up
And share my heart with you
Something else I never thought
I'd get a chance to do
The pain caused by others
That made my heart feel dead
Is somehow an after thought
With u inside my head
Thank you for being who you are
And not giving up on me
You will be forever in my heart
Right where you should be
Copyright © Heather Doakley | Year Posted 2015
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Heather Doakley Poem
I just want to b left alone
Please go away
I'm not feeling myself
Come back another day
I have a cough my belly hurts
My head is pounding too
I think I have a fever
Shouldn't get close to u
Just need some time
Today I think I'll rest
It has nothing to do
With the nothingness in my chest
These tears running down my cheek
Are because I don't fell well
It has nothing to do
With the things that I won't tell
I just need to get back in bed
Sleep is the only cure
Because it shuts down everything
I don't want to think anymore
I can't get rid of this hurt
That I feel inside my soul
Pretty sure I'm broken
And it goes way deeper than you know
No one can fix me
The Drs have all tried
Take all these pills
And in a few weeks youll be fine
It never seems to work
I'm always lost inside my head
The feelings that I feel
Are worse than being dead
My heart feels like it's broken
A million pieces can't be fixed
I'm so sick of living
With the happiness I miss
I don't know how to change me
To the person I once was
I don't like to talk about it
Because people tend to judge
It's not my fault I swear I try
But these emotions that I keep
Shoved deep down inside
Make me feel so weak
How do I climb out of this hole
That I've dug so deep
There's not a ladder long enough
And the sides they are so steep
Every step I try to climb
I fall further down
Pretty soon my cries
Will not have any sound
I'll just curl up in a ball
At the bottom of my hole
And maybe someday
I'll fix the pieces of my soul
I've given up on my heart
That cannot be fixed
So until the day I die
I'll live my life like this
Copyright © Heather Doakley | Year Posted 2016
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