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Aisha Abdelfatah Poem
I can't look...
I watch in disgust
As the scale goes up,
And my stomach drops.
The scale is both my best friend
And my darkest enemy.
It can either save me,
Or be my utter demise.
But either way,
It doesn't lie.
It always speaks the truth,
No matter the consequences,
No matter the circumstances.
Too much
Too fat
Too imperfect
That's what the voices whisper,
Quietly wreaking havoc in my mind.
Silently breaking me down,
From the inside out.
The mirror breaks
As my fist collides.
Hundreds of crystal pieces,
Stained red with crimson liquid.
The image of myself long gone.
Too much
Too fat
Too imperfect
They echo in my head,
Relentlessly breaking my dreams,
Until they're just like the mirror;
S H A T T E R E D
Too much
Too fat
Too imperfect
The ringing in my ears
A mere whisper,
Compared to the sound
Of my breaking heart.
Copyright © Aisha Abdelfatah | Year Posted 2015
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Aisha Abdelfatah Poem
'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.'
That's what everyone keeps telling me; that every scar and every tear will be worth it in the end because I will be happier and stronger than everyone else because of what I survived...
So if that's true; why do I feel so weak, so lost?
Why does everything that doesn't kill me make me want to die?
Why does it make me want to end it, get t over with?
Because I don't see any other way to get rid of this misery.
I don't see any other way to finally be at peace,
With myself, with others, with life...
I just don't.
And it terrifies me to think about it;
About how far it's actually come,
About how much it dictates what I do and what I think.
About how it haunts my every waking moment and even my dreams to the point where I don't know where to go and what to do to just be happy, or to just not think about it for just a little while.
I think that the people who tell someone that it will make you stronger n the end have absolutely no idea what they're talking about, because as far as I can see, it just gets worse and worse until one day; it does kill you...
Copyright © Aisha Abdelfatah | Year Posted 2015
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Aisha Abdelfatah Poem
Why?
Why do people spend so much time on such irrational fears?
Why are we so fixated on problems that aren't really there?
Why do we keep troubling ourselves with these things,
when we really have no reason to...
I've been pondering over this for a while now,
and I've only come up with one answer,
and it made me realize that maybe we aren't as superior as we want to believe we are...
I think the reason we do these things,
is because maybe we need something to worry about.
Because maybe worrying about so many little things is easier for us than worry about something big.
Because maybe, we're afraid to not worry about something.
Because maybe,
just maybe,
we're afraid of not being afraid...
Because after all of the horrors that have happened in this world,
we feel safer being afraid of heights or spiders than being afraid of a terrorist attack or a serial killer.
So maybe we need these small, useless fears,
just for the sake of staying sane.
Because I'd rather go to bed at night being afraid of whether or not there is a spider in my room than worry about whether a bomb will drop on my house while I'm sleeping.
Do I think this i ridiculous?
No, I do not.
I think we need this.
I think worrying about those little things is a good thing,
because I know that I'd rather not go through the rest of my days,
wondering whether or not the person I just spoke with will murder me,
or if someone walking down my street is carrying a bomb.
I think we need these monsters under our bed and skeletons in our closet,
because they distract us from the real monsters:
ourselves.
Copyright © Aisha Abdelfatah | Year Posted 2015
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Aisha Abdelfatah Poem
Dear nobody
Can you give me a reason to go on?
I've been looking but I can't seem find one.
Can't find a road, can't find a way,
To go back to yesterday.
Maybe the day before,
Don't even remember what I've been looking for.
I've been searching for so long,
I don't even remember what was wrong.
Dear nobody
Help me find
A way to leave this misery behind.
Copyright © Aisha Abdelfatah | Year Posted 2015
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Aisha Abdelfatah Poem
I stared at the monster in front of me;
Dreading the outcome of this event.
Surely this couldn't be her?
I thought she got better,
Not that she turned into this...
'Miss me?'
The slurred words that left her bleeding mouth
Sent shivers down my spine
As fear and dread overtook me.
A gruesome smirk pulled at her broken, bloodied lips;
Exposing her sharp, animalesque teeth.
Then, before I had the chance to react;
She pounced on me
And everything went black...
Copyright © Aisha Abdelfatah | Year Posted 2015
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Aisha Abdelfatah Poem
They say that time
Heals all wounds,
But what if it's time
That leaves me hurt?
What if
In this case
Time isn't the hero,
But the villain?
It leaves me time
To dwell on past mistakes,
Time to harm myself
With thoughts of pain.
Time is not my friend,
It is my enemy.
Time does not heal me,
It destroys me.
Copyright © Aisha Abdelfatah | Year Posted 2015
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Aisha Abdelfatah Poem
A white outline
On the cold grey pavement
Where my body used to lay
You left me there
All alone
To fight by myself
Leaving me to fend off
The monsters
With no means of defence
You left me
To cry
To rot
To die
You left me to mourn
The loss of
My friend
My sister
My soul
You left me by myself
LOST
And I can't find
My way back
I'm left with
THE MONSTERS
But what I didn't know
Until now
Is that you
Are the worst monster of all
Copyright © Aisha Abdelfatah | Year Posted 2015
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Aisha Abdelfatah Poem
They used to be
Two halves of the same soul.
Interwoven to the point of being
Inseperable.
But one day,
One of the halves
Pulled away;
And everything
Fell apart...
Copyright © Aisha Abdelfatah | Year Posted 2015
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Aisha Abdelfatah Poem
There is one thing so much worse than crying,
Not being able to cry.
Not being able to get it all out,
To just let it flow out with the tears.
That's the worst kind of sadness.
The one where it hurts so bad that you can't do anything,
Say anything to get rid of the heartache
To ease the pain.
When even physical hurt could never compare to the emotional ambush.
Those are the times when I wish I could just go through life feeling nothing.
Those are the times when I wish I could just stop FEELING.
Copyright © Aisha Abdelfatah | Year Posted 2015
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Aisha Abdelfatah Poem
We weren't like friends,
We were like sisters;
Bonded in such a way
That my heart ached when we fought.
You were always there,
In your own peculiar way.
You were always there,
Making light of my problems.
You were always there,
Taking my mind off of everything...
You were always there.
You were never there,
Letting me cry on your shoulder.
You were never there,
When I needed help.
You were never there,
To help me ease my pain...
You were never there.
And yet,
Through all of my misery,
I miss you.
I miss my friend.
I miss my sister.
And we both made mistakes,
Because neither one of us was perfect;
But you made the ultimate mistake.
You doubted my loyalty,
You doubted our friendship,
You doubted me.
But it was you that you should have worried about.
You ruined us.
And yet,
You still blamed me.
You still made me believe
That it was somehow
My fault.
And I hate you for it.
But I hate myself even more;
Because even though I hate you,
And even though you aren't worth it,
I still miss you every second of every day.
I still wish that we could be friends again.
And I hate it;
Because even though I want to,
God I want to,
I can't let go.
I just can't...
Copyright © Aisha Abdelfatah | Year Posted 2015
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