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Long Poems
Long poem by J. W. M. Earnings | Details |

Used As An Experiment

Used As an Experiment

THE SILENCE IS BREAKING MEEEE….CAN’T YOU SEE?


V.1: Strong AS STEEL, wrapped up with silver, heartfelt ribbons
Give it to me – the rope of hope
You smoked me out like a cigarette…
Used like I’m an experiment…I mope…I mope…
I’ve been ruined a thousand times
Yet, I stayed strong – I never cried a tear

(pre-chorus)
You’re getting by – I’ll let you through and go ahead and commit your 
crimes!
I have no fear in my young heart…I don’t bottle up fear
And I ain’t gonna shed a tear for you 
I’ll keep searching for the light with or without you
(pre-chorus)
You’re getting by – I’ll let you through and go ahead and commit your 
crimes!
I have no fear in my young heart…I don’t bottle up fear
And I ain’t gonna shed a tear for you 
I’ll keep searching for the light with or without you

(chorus)
What am I supposed to do? 
Your hate internalized in me…
Don’t ask me to change – I sift out every single lie
Because I won’t stop believing in the Lord Most High
I burned in the dense flames, 
I churned…in the ocean of blames…
Remorse, calling me names

V.2: I bleed…you were my disease once upon a time
Visiting rehab in my head…
Addicted to you like a drug…
Abused and moved by you….
I don’t care about me anymore…
Disaster unfolds, trapped in your scorching RIBCAGE…
Restoring rage….you called me hideous names behind your breath
I’m like an absurd bird, longing to fly out of her cage
Now, I get you…I get your motives of abandoning me…. 
You neglected me…you stubborn, attention-seeker
You never listened to my acknowledging complements 

(pre-chorus)
You’re getting by – I’ll let you through and go ahead and commit your 
crimes!
I have no fear in my young heart…I don’t bottle up fear
And I ain’t gonna shed a tear for you 
I’ll keep searching for the light with or without you

(chorus)
What am I supposed to do? 
Your hate internalized in me…
Don’t ask me to change – I sift out every single lie
Because I won’t stop believing in the Lord Most High
I burned in the dense flames, 
I churned…in the ocean of blames…
Remorse, calling me names

V.3: You ditched me with heartless selfishness in your heart – you’re a 
devil! 
Your lips soaked up the poison in your heart…it cements
Deep inside of you…deep down inside…
Wait for me, so I can keep up with you…
I don’t care about me anymore…
Disaster unfolds, trapped in your RIBCAGE…
Restoring rage….burning wild like wild sage…
I’m like an absurd bird, longing to fly out of his cage
Don’t discard me – give your heart a break
Don’t hurt me – for Mount Heaven’s sake!

(pre-chorus)
 You’re getting by – I’ll let you through and go ahead and commit your 
crimes!
I have no fear in my young heart…I don’t bottle up fear
And I ain’t gonna shed a tear for you 
I’ll keep searching for the light with or without you

(chorus)
What am I supposed to do? 
Your hate internalized in me…
Don’t ask me to change – I sift out every single lie
Because I won’t stop believing in the Lord Most High
I burned in the dense flames, 
I churned…in the ocean of blames…
Remorse, calling me names

V.4: Loving you ain’t easy, that’s for shore…we never were a fine pair (you 
only lived for your own satisfactions)
Blameworthy – I seem to be these days
Get up from the ground and think better about your actions (For all I’ve 
stood for, you were never appreciative…I swam lonely in the pool of misery 
and despair)
Next time, leave the front door…
I’ve been wandering in the maze of bewilderment
Find your own way out of my labyrinth of lament
Dare to wonder where I’ve been?
In the cave of sin…caved in by sin…
Getting devoured in the lion’s den…

(pre-chorus)
 You’re getting by – I’ll let you through and go ahead and commit your 
crimes!
I have no fear in my young heart…I don’t bottle up fear
And I ain’t gonna shed a tear for you 
I’ll keep searching for the light with or without you

(chorus)
What am I supposed to do? 
Your hate internalized in me…
Don’t ask me to change – I sift out every single lie
Because I won’t stop believing in the Lord Most High
I burned in the dense flames, 
I churned…in the ocean of blames…
Remorse, calling me names

V.5: I don’t care anymore…
Disaster unfolds, trapped in your RIBCAGE…
Restoring rage…burning bright like a star with a tattooed scar
It feels so wrong to be in the dark, so far…so far…
Away from your charms…your warm, cuddly arms…
So far, I’ve been digging deep in your soul…
Anxiety banging at my skull…skull…
In my mind and heart again
Forget and forgive 
Feed the flames of uncertainty
You don’t deserve to die or live
Where shall I flee? Free me…

(pre-chorus)
 You’re getting by – I’ll let you through and go ahead and commit your 
crimes!
I have no fear in my young heart…I don’t bottle up fear
And I ain’t gonna shed a tear for you 
I’ll keep searching for the light with or without you
(pre-chorus)
 You’re getting by – I’ll let you through and go ahead and commit your 
crimes!
I have no fear in my young heart…I don’t bottle up fear
And I ain’t gonna shed a tear for you 
I’ll keep searching for the light with or without you

(chorus)
What am I supposed to do? 
Your hate internalized in me…
Don’t ask me to change – I sift out every single lie
Because I won’t stop believing in the Lord Most High
I burned in the dense flames, 
I churned…in the ocean of blames…
Remorse, calling me names

V.6: Yet, I stayed strong – I never cried a tear
I’ve been ruined a thousand times
Used like I’m an experiment…I mope…I mope…
You smoked me out like a cigarette…
Give it to me – the rope of hope
On my own, feeling like I don’t belong – wrapped up with blue, heartless 
ribbons


THE DISTRESS ABYSS IS SUCKING ME UP – RELEASE MEEEEE….


Long poem by Victoria Anderson-Throop | Details |

FIRST GLANCE EMBRACE

                                              
                                               FIRST GLANCE EMBRACE

  (HER STORY)

                                                      She grabbed his voice
                                                     Though conference din
                                                     Sought to win his gaze--
                                              But crowds of gabbers tottered in...
                                        He missed the sexy nod she sent his way--
                                      Distracted by a phone call--faded from his day.

                                                         But oh, that face....
                                                      Would not be gone....
                                                                 wild
                                                      bony visage--home
                                                          of passion's eyes--
                                                       Fate teased in him
                                                           her Paradise--

                                                                   an 
                                                            Upward Man
                                                   Brash Upward Plans--
                                    Of course, his heart must be attached--

                                                       Her stubborn mind
                                                    holds fast to dreams,
                                                         bows to Fate--
                                                   but loathe to schemes....

                                                        In sultry dreams
                                                       The night is theirs
                                                          Palm to Palm--
                                                    All answered Prayers.

                                                            Eyes exult
                                                      Besieged by bliss--
                                                     becalmed threshold
                                                          of moonlit kiss

                                                       she Owns his Face
                                                 sweet charmed caressing
                                                     that leaves no trace
                                                       but silent blessing


                                                               (His Story)
                                                              

                                                           Over a shoulder
                                                             behind a pole
                                                            he saw a face
                                                     that grabbed his soul
                                                           wild hair so red
                                                       his heart caught fire
                                                          hands of grace
                                                      could capture choirs

                                                          Laugh of bells
                                                       tolled 'cross the hall
                                                        just as he moved
                                                            he had a call--
                                          stepped out in search of quiet space,
                                                           cut short his call
                                                          yet lost her face--

                                                           She was gone...
                                                            Another man?
                                                            Abysmal sight....
                                                            a f_cking awful
                                                           maddening plight.

                                                         He's lost his chance,
                                                          in town One Night.

                                                         Her essence brands,
                                                         Flays bare his heart--

                                                          But business swirls
                                                        Worlds...seas apart--

                                                                 Mellifluous
                                                            tho' hard to place
                                                     She is a tune he can't erase


                                                            the Dreamers tryst
                                                            shake clouds above
                                                               Moon Shadows
                                                                      Glow--
                                                              She nuzzles love
                                                            and slips o-er him
                                                              in  Passion's Glove.

V. Anderson-Throop


Long poem by Allyssa Pate | Details |

My Hell

I fall down
deeper and deeper
into oblivion
nothing
only darkness.
the sounds of evil
dripping into my ears
slithering farther
and sliding down into me
filling me with echoes.
terror courses through
my veins
into each cell
turning them against
me
they are no longer mine
they follow another
a stronger being.
icy breezes come
they whisper to me
they say I'm bad
they call me to them
the breezes dance
hug me
covering me
hiding me from the light
shielding me from hope.
falling deeper
only down
my eyes are taunted
I see people
the ones I know
love
they are hurt
hurting
by me
I have betrayed them
left them
I am hurting them
it is me
but I can't stop.
my mind is plagued
sick
new thoughts
 every second
comes a new terror
a cruel joke
all a prank.
only deeper do I fall
light is disappearing
becoming dimmer
fading fast.
all a game
for one person
the puppeteer
the ringmaster
the man in the
mask
the one who is running the show
the show that is me.
he sees me falling
he laughs
I can't see him
but he is there
everywhere
teasing my brain
taunting my senses
he hates me
he wants to hurt me.
he throws it
the knife
I feel the pain
running up my leg
showing my bones
releasing my blood
it is blue
my blood is cold
it splatters my face
sprinkling my features
dotting them with blue
the blue liquid drips
jumping onto my tongue
I taste dirt
my blood is dirt
blue is all I see
blue is all I become
I am blue
blue is me.
a distant shout
who is it?
a cry for help
surely
the sound is mangled
twisted
young
desperate
hopeless
mine
the sound is mine
I shut my mouth
but I still hear it
chilling my blue blood
ringing in my ears
shaking my breathing
jump-starting my heart
then it's over
the scream has ceased
and silence returns
sounding more deadly than ever before.
still falling
only black do I see
the evil
the monsters' playground
the demons' joyride
and someone is hungry
it wants me
my innocence
my purity
it wants to take it
it feeds on people
people like me.
weightlessness
objects hitting me
ghosts' fingers prodding me
as I fall
I fall down
down into this never-ending hole
this abyss
for eternity
restless
empty
yet full
filled with misery
my worst fears
come back
how did he know?
he knows I'm afraid
the darkness
doesn't help me see
I can't see why
how does he do this?
they cut me again
spilling my blood
oh, the blue
I don't even feel it
I am numb
the sound of me
my skin
being sliced
a quick slashing
and they are done
I am cut
my legs
my arms
my stomach
my face
my neck
I can't see my blood
but I can see how evil it must look.
the thoughts that fell
fell down with me
they too
are damned
they talk to me
they tell me what they see
they can see
blue
yes blue
my cold blood
it is everywhere
I am pale
white
I look sick they say
oh, no
they say
oh, no
they see the bottom
be ready
they say
be ready.
I fall faster still
slowing for nothing
for no one
being pulled down
the puppeteer has me
he's got my string
and he's pulling
with no sign of letting go.
now I hear a song
they all sing it
the notes are cruel
unforgiving
they bump into the others
struggling to be heard
with no set order
it is musical chaos
he yells to me
it is beautiful
and he sings along to his song
it's made for me
musical notes are played
they come up to me
they greet me
they jump
right into my cuts
surging into my blood
they search inside me
no mercy
moving faster
the drum
keeping them steady
pounds faster
picking up tempo
searching
searching
until
they found it
they found
my heart
my soul
the music does the talking
it says to hush
hush now
slow down
my heart listens
and I get sleepy
just stop
they say
just stop
the music is evil
played by the man
the man in the mask
my brains sends
a message
one final request
it says to my heart
speed up
it says
speed up, can't you see?
she is dying
it says
you must speed up!
I still fall
with no way up
letting go of hope
why dream?
dreaming of being saved
when I already know
I'll only be dropped.
I smell
something burnt
burning
oh, no
I know what
that smell
it is flesh
not mine
surely
but belongs to someone else
someone close
they too
they smell of dirt
sinners burning
dead
they are nothing to me
they are the stench
in my nose
nothing more
the smell overcomes all
all the other senses
until it becomes me
and I burn too.
even in the dark
the black
I see something
darker
blacker than black
they are shadows
they mock me
they play
they sing
they dance
they laugh
I fill with evil
hatred
a longing to hurt
hurt the ones behind it all
then
without warning
I hear him
laughing
my pain
is his pleasure
oh so dark
it's over
I'm at the bottom
laying on the cold ground
in a small ball
too weak to stand
in a pool
of dark blue blood
I hold myself tight
I can't trust
these creatures
these beasts.
he likes my weakness
he tells me I am small
I am ugly
I am worthless
I am nothing
he laughs when I cry
I thought that
maybe
just maybe
it would be better
down here
instead of up there.
it's not.
hell is not a game.
death is not an
easy way out.
do not try to visit me.
do not try to rescue me.
for I am more lost
than I hope you will
ever be.
now that I am
at my fate
at the entrance to hell
at the bottom of this grave
of my eternity
and if I am truly
here forever,
I'll have plenty of time
to ask myself
why did I jump?


Long poem by Demetrios Trifiatis | Details |

ETERNAL RECURRENCE

ETERNAL RECURRENCE*


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
“I am certain that I have been here as I am now a thousand times before and
 I hope to return a thousand times after.”  GOETHE 
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


1.

Once upon a time, 
The Lord of spiritual consciousness was sitting peacefully on His blissful throne 
Ceaselessly contemplating upon His equilibrium
T’ was the era of no moon, no sun, no stars, no earth, no oceans, no rivers
Just a motionless, timeless and deathless entity it was happy with His existence  

2.

Suddenly the thought of sacred motion was felt deep down in his essence
Seeking the chaos to be stirred from its core outwardly
Consequently separating the light from the darkness and all the other elements 
That constitute the Cosmos
Thus giving birth immediately to old mighty time

3.

When Time: This wizard of celestial art found himself alive
His expert hands stretched in advance, wanting to create
For that the plastic energy he took, that was everywhere around
And skillfully and patiently the Cosmos carved according to the Logos
Creating thus, the nebulae, the galaxies, the stars and all the other planets

4.

Then God looked at times creation and marveled with its beauty
But as there was no life to be seen in all of this creation
The thought of desire was born in God to inhabit every place
For that out of himself he cut myriads blazing souls
Which like shooting stars he sent downwards to animate nature,

5.

In this way, to manifestation’s cosmic sphere, the souls were beamed
Radiating their luminosity to reality’s lower planes  
Bringing with them the sacred principles to denser forms of life 
As they were passing from the spiritual, the mental and the astral
And finally materializing, themselves on the physical solid plane
Where life began on earth, with God’s will and grace!

6.

Each soul an ambassador was and is of God’s will and grace
A ray of divinity, a guardian of the Holy Law 
Each with a specific mission: to learn or rather to remember
How to find the way of return throughout space and time
And with the divine, again, to be seen in perfect equilibrium

7.

The day I was born, as every man alive,
I found my immortal self bound to the wheel of time 
That around eternity’s circumference took me, in very heavy chains
Asking to follow obediently the unswerving path of fate:
This endless trip of return where the only constant thing is change

8.

Since then I have died once and many times after
But death's dark palaces to hold me were unable
As my soul’s perpetual desire to follow my destiny
Brought me back to this ephemeral world of fleeting dreams
With a new body, new hopes, new goals but always with the 
Same desire

9.

Thus I journeyed back and forth the plains of oblivion
Choosing the best conditions I could, according to my karma
Trying to find endlessly the golden middle way 
That unmistakably between the extremes is only to be found
But since from the river of forgetfulness each time I was drinking 
I was obliged, unfortunately, to start over again

10.

So, I was born once a king and another was I born a beggar
And in turns I was born a coward, a hero, a holy man, a vicious man,
A  Christian, a Muslim, an atheist, an idolater a strong man and a woman
And healthy and sick I was born and intelligent and witless
And was I born to love so much the things I once detested
And to hate passionately the things I once held dear

11.

And I was born once to laugh and another just to cry
And I drunk successively from joy’s cup and that of sorrow’s
And was born to make friends out of my enemies 
And enemies out of my brothers
And was born to realize the impossible dreams and fail the very easy  
And I was born to slay and to be slain alternatively for thousands of years

12.

Thus I lived continuously the extremes of both good and evil
Striving to find endlessly the balance in my soul
Through the wisdom that was endowed upon me by the Great Spirit
That like a beacon, luminous, to guide me waits
To my supreme destiny that GOD for me has traced

13.

So, as was passing from life unto death, from darkness unto light
With a speed determined by me, I don’t put on GOD the blame,
All my lessons have I learned through trial and error
Up to the very last reincarnation, in body’s mortal temple

14.

Now free, AT LAST, from all earthly desires and every karmic blame
Radiating with holiness and glowing with grace 
My immortal soul, HER divine wings unfolds and soars upwards the heavens
White light blazing in perfect equilibrium 
And pure now to her glorious creator returns and with 
HIM UNITES! 


©Demetrios Trifiatis
  11 DECEMBER 2013


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“A little while and my longing shall gather dust and foam for another body.
A little while, a moment of rest upon the wind and another woman shall bear me”
KAHLIL GIBRAN
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

* This poem because of its length I was unable to post it in one piece for I was not a
member for life at that time therefore I published it in two parts as: “CREATION” and as “REINCARNATION.” Here is the entire poem as it was originally written.
Now, my friends know that apart from my epigrams I write... long poems as well!    
  


Long poem by Michael Ainsley | Details |

My Mind A Ship In Darkness

My mind a ship in darkness                                                                                                             How shall you carry me                                                                                                                   My heart cut off from loving                                                                                                                         Is longing to be free                                                                                                                                    To sail out in the morning                                                                                                                                             Upon the early tide                                                                                                                              And live with in the elements                                                                                                             Where truth and strength abide                                                                                                       My thoughts are done with islands                                                                                                  Where the golden memories play                                                                                                  For that vision seen was but a dream                                                                                                          Like fog that burns away                                                                                                                         And if the rocks should catch me up                                                                                                  How shall I greet the day                                                                                                                                            So many thoughts are anchored there                                                                                         From ships that passed this way                                                                                                             So many swells have come and gone                                                                                               And beaten on the shore                                                                                                                  You'd think the isle would brake away                                                                                               Be gone and be no more                                                                                                                But still the ancient cliffs are hung                                                                                               Like shadows in the sky                                                                                                             And still the Sirens songs are sung                                                                                              A lovers lullaby                                                                                                                               My soul my only compass now                                                                                                     What lessons shall you teach                                                                                                       As passion sets my course for me                                                                                                                                                Once more into the breach                                                                                                                               Yet calmly to and steady on                                                                                                         Though gale and storm draw near                                                                                                  My soul is this immortal thing                                                                                                           That strides beyond my fear                                                                                                            And gives my life an openness                                                                                                                        That does not measure cost                                                                                                                  For much I learned of beauty                                                                                                                         By what I loved and lost


Long poem by William J. Jr. Atfield | Details |

Summer Memories Summer Realities Thoughts about Part 1

Summer Memories
Summer Realities

This, the first day of summer, two thousand and two, finds me,
slipping back into what once was my desire, my need, my reality.
This step back into, and into times passed, has allowed me to touch,
to feel, to re-experience – for a moment, to a degree – my all time,
favorite sport – sunbathing. A sport I once played in all my glory
– my birthday suit – with such joy and total freedom,
beneath blue skies, high above the mighty meandering Grand
or alongside it’s river banks, silent winds, a breeze, rustling the leaves
of many shading trees, of many a cornstalk, a million blades of grass
beneath the heavens, beneath my feet, beneath my naked body,
golden brown laying in the noiseless sound of Mother Nature,
all Her, creatures, large and small, invisible, one and all,
except to the mind’s eye and ear, as the pleasures of hypnotizing music,
the sweet taste of mother grass, the glowing nectar of sparkling grape
that could take one on a journey, away from or into, dependent upon
the destination, the ticket you purchased would carry you.
For me, the journeys were upon the black leather of my red motor cycle,
upon the black leather of my black Bird of Thunder, her wings spread,
her top down, that great, platinum, glowing orb, hanging on high,
above this little  planet, wearing it’s great, bright blue shroud,
opened to expose the light shining down upon her nakedness,
showering down upon me, in mine, on our journeys through time,
through space, with his – Heloise’s – healing rays as I drive, as I ride
over, upon those black ribbons that wrap themselves around
Mother Earth and the back roads of southern Ontario, in the
Counties of Brant, of Wentworth, of Norfolk and others as well.
This is a sport I played – as I laid – from north to south,
from coast to coast, even, out into the ocean deep,
– on an island of coarse – on mountain tops, on sand dunes.
This sport I played, on the shores of all five Great Lakes,
on the beaches of Florida, of Mexico, of California,
of British Columbia, the last place, the last time I sported
my birthday suit in public before hanging it up
behind closed doors for more years than I care to remember.

Today, along with a few more that followed, during two weeks,
I took the opportunity, – covered of coarse, in my red and black loin cloth -
to lie beneath that burning orb in the deep blue sky and tried to recapture
the essence of those feelings, those desires of long ago and far away
- of what was and I still would like to be -, that will always remain
a part of my psyche, even though all the changes – no more noiseless sounds,
for they have been drowned out, polluted by screaming tires as they tear up
those black ribbons of death, as those combustion engines ( the driving force )
cry out in pain from friction as they pass by my horizontal frame looking for,
but hearing not, all that once was hearable, all that was beautiful in nature’s noise
–  that have left me longing for that time, left me as empty as a dried up lake.
A lone bird cry’s out it’s muffled song, a note or two where once was a chorus,
a full-fledged opera now reduced to a mumbling, meaningless sound,
a sound drowned out by the sounds of  traffic, traffic from our attempt
to escape our closed in, modern life style of constant motion.

Those sweet smells, clean and clear are lost by the cremation of decaying,
remains of once living organisms that inhabited this planet.
They are now – in death – permeating, with pollutants, the nostrils, the lungs,
the air Mother Earth and all upon her back, inhale.

The peace, once known, - in rivers flow, upon its banks, in Mother Natures flow,
on my motor cycle, in my black Bird – for this old man has almost evaporated.
The grass, the wine, the music, the camaraderie, the clean air, those silent sounds
have almost become extinct, fading into memories hoard, to be stored, forever more.
All that seems to be left - from the origins of these thoughts – is that silver orb,
still radiating down upon, but with more intensity and less glory and peace.
Only the music carries on as before, seems to remains the same,
at least to these ears, this heart, the old soul of this lone traveller.
Maybe the music has change ?, maybe for the better ?, maybe not ?
Could it be just perception ?, or has all lost its glory ?, its fire ?,
its passion ?, its glow ?, all I thought I did know in an earlier age.
Is it all in the mind of this old man ?, who still remembers that age,
the music, music still providing a refuge, companionship
and comfort during the hours, in the passing of time .


Long poem by J. W. M. Earnings | Details |

The Uninviting Feeling

I'm not at all innocent...when you make 
me hurt inside
I'm getting over you...but I'm not giving up 
completely, though you are not present in 
my life
It rips my high hopes into shreds of 
worthlessness
I will never be the one who has a tainted 
soul, devouring lies
My heart is full of lament - you beg to 
differ...
I wouldn't have the guts to bid you a 
farewell
Don't take from me my happiness, you 
invaded my personal bubble
I'd rather be with someone else who has 
love abiding in their heart
I don't understand love at such a young 
age...besides, I'm not ready for such a big 
commitment
Anyone could say that they adore me, but I 
won't treasure it
--------------------------------
I know that you'll ignore my calls of relief,
I'm screaming out loud, so listen right this 
instance 
You're digging too deep; my smile 
embraces a frown 
My dreams are failing me now,
What am I supposed to do? 
What do you think you are? The queen of 
the Earth? 
I pray for true love to lead me to a 
pleasant place...
I didn't expect being in a situation like 
this...
This is not how I planned things out
This uninviting feeling took me by surprise
Time is running out, I got to keep on track
I'm weak and fragile...
Do not hunt me down again, predator - 
you are so vile...
I saw you flee outside - you were as high 
as a kite
It made me lose all confidence
All of this commotion doesn't make sense
Your eyes, your deceiving lies -
they spew out fire
Your lips, your chapped lips - 
they project a liar
Unconditional hatred sets me on fire
I can tell that I'm not stronger than I 
realize, 
But you gottah know that I'm not alone 
'cause He looks after me
Did you forget the evenings that you and I 
cherished so much with each other? 
Do you even care if I end up drowning in 
agony?
All I have to do is rely on the Lord
because without him, I'm nothing
It's painful to see you harming yourself 
again
It's hard to accept the past and the truth 
behind it
I'm penniless because of you and your 
lack of affection
Our time was up, I can't help but cry aloud
I need you to look at me;
I know that I'm not that good looking 
Hold on to faith and hope...
We depart from our peaceful states
I gave in to your pity, now I'm thinking and 
acting like a fool
It figures that you're gone and I'm left 
alone -
Shards of me crash unto the floor
--------------------------------
I know that you'll not support in this time 
of tribulation
I'm whispering to you, so listen right very 
carefully
You're pushing my limits; my smile 
embraces a frown 
My nightmares are ganging up on me now,
What am I supposed to prepare for? 
What do you want from me? You won't 
earn back my trust...
I pray for true love to lead me to a sacred 
haven
I didn't expect being in a dangerous 
dilemma 
This is not how I imagined things to 
unfold...
This uninviting feeling took me by surprise
Peace is running out, I got to fight for it 
more and more
I'm weak and fragile...growing sore
Do not hunt me down again, big bad wolf - 
you are so hardcore
I saw you sprint outside - you were as 
aggressive as a hawk
It made me lose all strength 
All of this commotion increased by the 
minute...
Your eyes, your deceiving eyes -
they spew out fire
Your lips, your chapped lips - 
they unveil a liar
Unfeeling passion sets me aflame
I can tell that I'm not stronger than I 
realize, 
But you gottah know that I'm not alone 
'cause He looks after me
How come I'm scared out of the blue?
Will there be an end to violence? 
Why do I feel cold when you pass by me, 
yet you still as warm as a blanket?
I don't want to make things look too 
difficult to solve
I convinced myself that I don't have the 
hearts for you...but denying it will not get 
me somewhere safe
I can't face the fact that our love is 
blinding
Turn the other way, I'm so ashamed
I'm longing for change...I'm trying to not 
come across as insane
I took another mysterious lane, 
But it's no big deal...
My wounds deep inside will heal
You'll notice that you have nothing to gain
Your eyes, your deceiving eyes -
they spew out fire
Your lips, your chapped lips - 
they sound like a liar
Today seems hard to rebuild hope
This fearfulness overwhelmed me
You ditched me and I preyed upon 
distress
You deleted my progress...
Right now, it felt like I've fell right into a 
hideous mess
My life was so meaningless all along...
I beg for significance to enlighten my self-
destructive spirit 
Before I collide into the abyss


Long poem by J. W. M. Earnings | Details |

Poverty, Angst and Anxiety Dx

In the mirror, I see my face melt away in shame
And, yet I still hunt for game…feeling this shame without a well-thought-out 
name

I hunt you down to catch some inspiration
I’m not looking for fame…I want to see you flourish with anticipation 
But, my heart’s pumping with aggravation  
Why do they put labels on me? Why do I devour their debris?
Perhaps, it makes them feel satisfied… to know that I had a psychotic 
breakdown
Why me? How did I end up in a mental institution? I wish I could flee…
I wish I could…I wish I knew
The true answers…but I’m left to question my own actions…
Not to seek satisfactions…
I want to be set free…
From poverty…
angst…
and anxiety…
How can you comfort me…how can you save me… 
In this time of tribulation?
Do you sense my distasteful, hideous frustration?
You are a supportive companion, I see…
I still think of you fondly…of course I do, you see…
I think of you being with me possibly
I’m gazing dreamily at your sparkling eyes
Were you aware…(didn’t you know…) 
I was waiting for you on the other side of the barbed wire fence? 
Tear collapse in the palms of my right and left hand, 
Drenched in desolation and I’m seeking repentance 
Where are you? 
Where did you go off to?
Are you grazing in your own outlandish maze? 

(~!@#$%^&*()_+)

Fear arise from their deathbeds and lands in my mind (a misery magnet as it 
is)
Don’t plant regret that catches me off guard
Life can get so hard…life can get so hard…
It’s something I’d discard if I had the guts to do it
I’m a distressed, demented and determined bard
But, I’ll become a flourishing, upbeat, and earnest poet 
One day, I wish to be a light that illuminates the reader’s mind
Grace in your own maze – you can’t have my land! It’s a land only I could 
understand!
I must stand tall and make a triumphant stand!
I hope you don’t mind me being blind temporarily
This test of being blindfolded is difficult and gets me out of my shell 
completely
I’m a deck of playing cards with a missing card, however, I’m played with all 
over again, waiting for the battle to begin
Pushed in the margins… pushed out of shape, indulging myself in this one 
particular sin!
Where’s my kith and kin? They are in my heart, deep within! 
If you only wore my skin, you'd understand what I've been through...if you 
only knew (help me find my other shoe) O.o
If you slipped into my shoes, you'd be sympathetic, instead of criticizing me 
out of the blue... (I'd say otherwise, knowing you...) o.O
I can taste a smile creeping in..it’s such a surprise – a gift I prize
I will never despise it, 
But don’t you know that I’m not wise and trapped in my poverty pit?
I’m staring longingly at your crackling, dazzling eyes that singe with fire
Your grin is what I hold dear – 
Tt’s a gift that I prize…
Giving me natural highs
You fought the battle and the wind whistles in our ears…
Sorry for releasing these tears that have been in captivity inside of me
It has been in captivity in me for so long, longing to be free…
I tell the voices in my head to leave…
In Christ’s name, will you leave?
Just let me breathe for a second…I can’t believe 
 I didn’t tell you that I care for you so much…
I’d give up my life for you
Vanity is not what I reap this time
I’d sacrifice myself for you
Spending time with you is wicked and sublime – 
It’s another mountain to climb
It’s another arduous adventure – time flips like a rusty dime
I’d do anything for you…I’d give you satisfying vibrations, vibes and chills
You gather merriness in the flower hills
You harvest paradise and sprinkled it upon my wings – this feeling never kills
This feeling never kills my positivity 
Do you long to flee like me? 
Do you wanna sprout with me like a nourished tree?
You fought my battle and you looked after me when I was alone at home
You shot the predator down (YOU MADE A BULL’S EYE!)…he was tracking me 
down like a spy…
Life holds such a significant meaning…despite the gray clouds 
That frown upon me so…like an envious enemy, wearing hatred shrouds
Nothin’ but gray skies blanket my eyes…
I’m pretending to be included in the crowd
When I’m alone, I don’t feel alone with God keeping an eye on me
I pray earnestly and willingly…


Long poem by betty njie | Details |

In my head

This is not a perfect story, its a feeling that i just want to share with you. I need HELP

The love i show to everyone in my surrounding, its just rediculous the way have trained myself to become or should i just say its my character thats how i am. I hate it when i cry for nothing, its just that i cant get it, do i have to be perfect to earn something in life. Am a good dancer, a good writer as well as a good person, but what have i earned in these living nothing absolutly nothig. Have plied myself to be thee who loves all and never attempt to hate any even thoes who have shown me hatred. Deep in me i feel the agony something somewhere in my daily living is not satisfied have allow my instincts to believe that its just the human strategy we are never satisfied and can never truly and pratically be satisfied, but in my case its a bit different. I miss love, looking at the whole situation properly i cant tell who loves me and who really hates me devastating anomly. The history of my life carries untold stories within its path, i dont even know who truly i am. One thing that am very sure of is that i am always there for thoes whom i feel am bound to be there for although i could be somewhere else. In tears i sometimes sit to ask why, why do i have to be these way. Am so mean to myself as the ones am so hardly trying to be a help of, at a moment i hate myself so much that i dont want to exsist anymore, i wish to be another somebody of somewhere. Just because i couldnt once make it right to the ones i feel bound to help. I am a lost soul screaming loud for attention at some point i can explode if i could, there is such much going on in my head i have issues that i want to talk about things that i just cant keep to myself. Thanks to writing i can state it down. This is a rapid that have ever since search to write about about but i  just could figure it out. I really cant tell weather my own mother loves to talk less of my dad or my boyfriend. My motto, never have up the fight for love, deep inside me am gone, empty and lost, but in my heart i know i can make things happen and watch myself work wonders i believe that. It might be hard to understand if you cant feel what am feeling in me but am completely lost. Do i even have talents? i dont know i have no idea, what i think is am just that loser that dont want to accept her destiny. There is nothing i repeat nothing in this world that cant be solved, my soul is longing for satisfaction love and nothing but the truth. The big thank you i always carry around in me goes to thee the almighty thee who created man from a thick clot of blood and gave hime life despite all what he know that would happen, who has given me the chance to live a life. Suddenly am starting to see life with a different eye than i normally used to as i am writing this,have just figured out life is me, i am my life its only me that can make myself feel just the right way i deserve to feel. Have made so many wrong dicisions, gone through so many hard ways that i could have actually safe myself from. Have given away my last penny to make another fellow feel happy and like me for thoes moments, have thrown my pride away to make a boy fall for my adventurious way, have hurt someones feeling to make another one like me, have done so many harm to myself and others. I just dont know where to head to sometimes i just feel like i should just kill myself and free my thoughts but then I always have this tiny voice in my head that always reminds me of Gods love and it works everytime, thats just what keeps me moving anytime i want to turn back. Have written a manuscript that carries living in it but its still in my laptop. At a certain point i thought putting down 28 pills in my tiny body could save by story, totally wrong thought am stronger than that.   SAVE MY STORY.

A Dream
What happens when you feel so lost, so devastated knowing that no one seems to be understanding your situation. When the whole world turns their backs on you, you feel empty, its a terrible feeling.

A Wish
Wanting to become a somebody to make a certain person in your life happy, a wish that appears not to becoming true, wanting to publish your first book at the age of 20 but you almost 20 and nothing.


Long poem by Darian Rehder | Details |

Love, Death, and Rebirth

The signs started in December
When she started waking up in tears each night
She was a normal girl with dark brown hair and darker brown eyes
She had plenty of friends and a loving family with just one thing missing
Her father. 

Days passed by and turned into weeks but only felt like a few seconds
Her life just whizzed by faster and faster until it was just a whirr in front of her eyes
Darkness filtered into her heart and mind until she didn't know if she could go on
But she had to. She couldn't let her mother and her sister drown in this same pain
She wouldn't let them.

She pushed all the darkness into the depths of her own heart
In hopes to save the hearts of the two people she had left
Because what else was there to live for now?
The rest of her world had crashed and her mother and sister was all that was left 
She wouldn't let them drown in pain too. 

She watched as they started to heal in her loving arms
Their hearts started to lighten up once more
But hers was just as dark as it was before 
And growing darker day by day 
But she wouldn't let that stop her. 

Suddenly a year had passed... and then two 
It only seemed like seconds to her but everyone else started moving on
Her mother and sister no longer needed her nurturing care
But she needed someone to hold on to
Anyone...

With nothing left for her to take control of, the dark pushed past her boundries 
It found a way into her soul
Until all she could see was dark and no light 
But her mother and sister were healed now
They didn't understand

The tears came back and engulfed her soul
Bit by bit until she wasn't sure why she was still alive
The grief took over like knives 
Piercing her skin over and over and over
It hurt so much.

She started to wonder what it'd look like to be dead
She could see him again if she was
Wouldn't it be so much easier than having to endure this pain?
Wouldn't it be so much easier than having to live knowing she'd never see him again?
It would.

So she started to hate herself
All that negative energy was starting to take toll
Everyone around her was breathing while she suffocated more and more by the second
She wished she'd just choke already instead of living in constant pain
If no one would put her out of her misery, she'd have to do it herself

She couldn't see any light anymore
So she grabbed the pill bottle off the shelf and just hoped it wouldn't take long to die
Deep down she still had a spark of light, but she just couldn't find it 
And now it was too late in her mind to change, to turn back and try to look deeper
She was done living.

That's when people started to notice that everything wasn't as peaceful as it seemed
They started to see how deeply depressed she had become
They wanted to help her see the light again before it was too late 
So they sent her away to see doctors and to take pills to make everything better
It was a start.

She didn't see a change at first but suddenly she could think clearly
Maybe what they were doing was actually going to help her see the light again
Yes, she still wanted to die, but maybe that wasn't the only option anymore
They cared,  and behind all their own problems they were trying to understand
They really were trying

Six months longer she would be treated and cared for
Until suddenly she was sent home from her treatment and care with a smile on her face
She had a new perspective
Someone had helped her ignite that spark in her heart until it was a glowing ember
She had been reborn

Sometimes you have to be able to experience the worst of it
To come back shining brighter than before
And if she had died that cold day in October, she wouldn't of ever seen the best of it
Or known that it would get better
and it did!

And she now sits at her laptop, with a smile on her face and warmth in her heart
It's never been an easy road and it won't ever be
But at least she knows she's lived through the worst
And it can only get better from here

So whenever she feels lonely or gets back into that dark spot again
She can look back on what she's learned and can read this poem
And remember that she survived the darkest depths of depression
And she will continue to survive it as long as she lives
Because she is stronger now than she ever was before ?


Long Poems