Long Heartbroken Poems

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Premium Member 'before My Pen Is Hushed'

Before my flowing, poetic pen is hushed in Quietus,
And I have reached my journey's end with folded hands;
            Departed into my dreamless sleep beneath violets,
Let me write one everlasting, eternal, immortal verse;
                  Of the ravaged garden of my life.

      I want to hear a bird song when I quietly glide away,
With a sigh, I will lay my pale form down peacefully;
            I have willed my Keepsakes and my musing poems,
The Angel of death, will take my hand into another realm;
                  And the drums of time will cease.

      Oh, it has been a life full of happiness entwined with sad,
I have travelled many different roads to get to Tranquillity;
           The chapters of my life are full of the dead and undead,
Memories of childhood, family, friends and pets I loved;
                  The scars of life stab my soul.

      I do not fear death and I am ready to go through the gate,
But I will miss nature, the woods and the waters moving;
            And as I walk the silent passage alone to my eternal night,
Think of me as being set free and soaring high up above;
                  I lived a life weather-stained with tears.

      Leaving life is something we all must do; it is written,
I was held by a thread in this earthly realm until that last gasp;
            Now, all I know is the peacefulness of a leafy tree above,
Drifting blue clouds and rain falling gently on my resting place;
                  I was a shadow on the wall of time.

      Do not weep over my eternal grave heartbroken my dears,
I have followed the beautiful Angels footsteps to heaven;
           My poetry is timeless, ageless, and will always remain,
I have shed this earth bound life and I am a butterfly set free;
                  I drank from the deep blue cup of life.

      So come, dear hearts and plant some pretty flowers in Spring,
I am at last united with all my beloved who have gone before;
             Touch my name and remember me for my beauty,
And although my life was but a whisper, I loved every moment;
                  Now, I exist in another realm.

____________________
August 26, 2015


Poetry/Epic/'Before My Pen is Hushed'
Copyright Protected, ID 15-1216-704-0
All Rights Reserved.  Written under Pseudonym.

Submitted into FGI  Blog Special - Epic
Brian Strand

Podium Place 1
Form: Epic


Lost Forever

Ask the fingers holding
                                            an aloof pen.
                               Ask, where its passion has gone,
                                        ambition has fled.
                                     The fingers will be still.
                                               How...
                                    the empty eyes will look
                                        at the pale pages
                                 yoked with numbers in black...
                                               Then,
                                          just observe...
                              how a curve widens on the face
                             as they gaze out of the window...
                                     The far...the farthest!
                                         Fast, it dies out.
                      A swarm of feelings from the heart's cavern,
                                pick up their last daring flight,
                                           to die at last
                                             of thirst
                                             of love...
                               These eyes will never dream.
                               Words will never be welcome.
                           One day they will be dumb as stars,
                                       And grey as time.
                                   They'll give up the race,
                                      race to superiority.
                                    Cold the heart as ever,
                                  will sleep in a colder body.
                                 Frozen as dreams they were,
                                   will leave the turbid eyes.
                                           Will leave,
                                   for the worms to delight
                                 in a body so baked in plight!
                                           And Time?
                                    Will it mourn or joy?
                                    That it could not find
                             the fragrance of a budding mind
                                 before it too was damned.
                                          Lost forever
                                        in its quicksand...

I Try To Fight

I try to fight them, those cruel clawing cold hands
 that drag me from the pit, clawing, twisting, crushing me.
 I must find you! I need to hold you, to be held by you!
 So I fight, desperately, to break free, to find you.
 I try to fight them, even as the feel of the ropes upon my arms
 burning  ever deeper,  into my skin
. I fight desperately, as the leather collar bites into my throat,
 and my breath leaves me. I try to fight, savagely, desperately, to break free.
 Knowing I can never escape, that I will fail,
 and knowing full well, what fate awaits us both.
 I know not where they have taken you, but I can still feel you,
 can still hear your voice, as it softly speaks of love.
, It is how I know you are still alive,
 and that knowledge gives me strength to fight on desperately.
 My body is ravaged, torn, the horrors those cruel hands have dealt, have broken my very soul,
 yet I try, desperately to fight. I long for release into the void,
yet I can still feel you, still hear your voice, still know your love.
 I know not, where they will take me, until the wagon comes to a stop. 
Then, for the first time in almost 16 days, your eyes are the first thing I see.
 You are alive, and when your eyes finally find mine, you look with such love, at me.
 So again, I fight! I fight so desperately, but those, horrible cruel hands,
 tighten their vicious grip, once more.
 I reach for you, needing your touch, sobbing your name.
 The pain, almost forgotten, gone, almost instantly. I struggle, oh, how I fight!
 And so, I didn’t see. I didn’t see the first of the blows, that spilled crimson onto the snow,
 at my feet. I screamed for you. I screamed your name desperately
 as I watched blow after blow rip your body to pieces, in front of me. Your blood turning the snow to slush, scarlet staining my feet. I watched your soul flee as I screamed for you,
 as the fight poured out of me. I watched, as they defiled you.
I watched as they ripped your body apart. I felt your soul leave mine.
 I watched, as the light of the sunrise left your eyes.
 My soul broken, my body savaged, I crumbled to ashes, there in the snow, at your side.
 The numbness that overtook me, did nothing to save me, that day. I can still taste your blood.
 Goddess above, I still taste your blood! No, More!
 No longer, will I bear this well of horror, and tears!
 Goddess, help me! I am drowning in it!

Damsel In Distress

Heartbroken lass bereft of eminent beau
papa doth vicariously experience her
(mine daughter's) grievous woe.

Unfair a budding promising relationship nought
going to incorporate wedded bliss,
when for all the world
the strong humble lad
absconded to Puerto Rican his homeland.

Thus pained University
of Pennsylvania alumna
("star student") since grade one
at Belmont Hills Elementary
whose high school alma mater
i.e. Harriton High School,
now glum Oakland California transplant.

I (biological father),
who helped beget offspring
writhes with agony,
cuz he and the missus
sowed wild oats
during prime time,
when irresistible call of the wild
overtook wisdom to shuck contraceptive
yielding the miracle of life.

Parenthood never ended
just because declaration of independence
and autonomy witnessed natural propensity
for progeny to reliant become on self
forced shoulder living expense
no only for herself,
but deux darling
tortoiseshell dappled

five month old kittens
most certainly a constant reminder,
when she and he "two peas in a pod"
shared so many college campus memories,
whereby appearances hinted
and predicted a shared destiny
between two love birds.

An abrupt cleavage
rent asunder never witnessing
mutual graceful dotage
figuratively saddled once ebullient psyche
unnecessarily bogged our engineering minded lady
with cumbersome equipage
after they spent precious
young adulthood years together

emulating how married couple live, I gauge
such scenario, cuz talk of wedding bells
filled the (telephonic) airwaves,
whereby yours truly feeling blessed
potential prodigal son in law
his earning hand over fist big bucks
employed at Silicon Valley company
geared toward marketing fitness application.

Unsure how said high achiever
bolstered with you go girl refrain,
(who ofttimes communicated with Zayda,
i.e. his demise a crushing sorrow),
which inevitable prolonged decline

sundered special rapport
since more'n threescore
Earth orbits around the sun
papa acquired mechanical engineer degree
working within Aerospace Division
at General Electric.

Impossible mission not to care
despite mein kampf punctuated
with mine wanderlust flair
marital covenant garden variety
wordsmith did greatly impair
triggering hostility within mine humble lair
adulterer letter forcibly donned as outerwear.

Just a Belief

Oh! Why didn’t I know earlier?
That I was being trodden into pain,
The pain that could leave my heart in unamendable pieces,
Pieces that are so difficult to forget the past,
The past that is now the painful present.

I believed and I believed and I believed,
Until my heart was in obsession of belief,
I believed and let my thoughts follow,
Follow as I digested each word that came from your mouth,
Whispering into my ears how ‘truly’ you loved me.

I believed when you shouted the word ‘affection,’
Into my ears, that were always there to listen to your lovely voice,
I believed when you whispered into my ears, “I love you,”
Yes I believed those words which made me crazy,
And slave to your false love.

I believed you when you promised to be with me “forever,”
I believed you the way Adam believed Eve,
And blindly he became, only to be driven out of Eden,
Because of the taste of the forbidden fruit,
I believed you too, and now I am out of that “paradise”

I believed you with all my soul,
Devoted myself to you as a slavery who seeks freedom from his master,
Only to be betrayed by the wrong perceptions of his master,
I believed you as a sinner, who partakes Holy Sacrament for redemption,
Only to find himself still entangled by the pains of his unforgiven sins.

I believed you with the whole of myself,
I believed you when you kissed me with your soft sweet lips,
Not knowing that it was Judas kiss that betrayed the Son of Man,
And that kiss also subjected me to unending pain,
That kiss… I wish I couldn’t feel your lips,

Yes, I believed you…
Followed you like a lost sheep that needed guidance and acceptance,
Decided to follow your path, because I saw love in you,
Love that blinded my heart,
And let me head to a destination of sorrow and long suffering.

I believed you my Love,
Nights never passed without a dream of your love evolving in my mind,
A day never passed without an image of your perfection streaming in my thoughts,
Every minute I loved you, cherished you, adored you,
But you have betrayed all my beliefs…
Left me to nurse the wounds of my dumb beliefs.

If only I would have known,
Known that my beliefs were bloody lies,
Lies that encrypted my heart to your slavery,
Slavery of “discipleship” in the name of love,
Love that only was infatuation,
I wouldn’t have said “YES.”

Just a belief?
I wish…


Premium Member Beware the Peek Holes

We were extremely delighted when we picked up the keys to our brand new house and starting at the front door, we made slow anticipative steps desirous of testing the key making sure it was correctly made. But to our utter surprise, it did not fit in the keyhole, and we were left outside our new house like house-citing strangers admiring all the landscape and beautifully designed exterior.                       Although my wife was calm and patient, I was steaming hot in the dead of winter sending out smoke signals both from heat and cold with unspeakable emotions which were overwhelmingly joyous just seconds before.  What now and what was I suppose to do?  How does one go from 'cloud nine'  to free-fall far below the clouds in milliseconds?  Not only did the key not fit, but I wondered if there might be some other surprises waiting for us on the inside. Although I pretended to be at ease, my wife was reading the 'waves of intolerance' forming inside of me.  My curiosity got  the best  of me.  So I took a quick peek through the key hole never imagining that I would observe such disappointing craftmanship.

That peek filled my emotional cup to overflowing and left me angrier, devastated, frustrated, most utterly confused, and my imagination grew more bewildered when I considered what it must really look like beyond the peek hole.  This entire venture of home building was supposed to fulfill our quest and life-long dream of a brand new home, but it appeared that our dream was rapidly turning into the greatest nightmare by the aid of a peek hole.  We wondered what revelations lie behind curtain number three or the fourth peel of the banana.

My wife suggested we get another peek from the back, and you guessed it, "The beat goes on". In our view from the front peek hole, we only looked toward the walls and ceilings, but instinctively my wife looked down toward the floors and the nightmare grew bigger.  My already painful headache took on 'jet propulsion speed with the beat of the wildest rock band.  Water was every where because the furnace had been left off causing the pipes to freeze and brake.  Smiles and peace were nowhere to be found as my lovely wife began to cry.  The beat goes on but .......

12312018PoSoupContest, Slap The Muse And Turn It Loose, John Lawless                                                          *Fictitious Narrative
Form: Narrative

Premium Member A Prayer for Texas Flood of Tears


                My heart is broken for our dear Texan dears

                                     Happy campers 

                             Then flash flood washed way 

                                      in earth's tears


                     Words escape me as I write my heart

            That grieves with you whose hearts are torn apart

             
                    The yellow rose of each precious soul

              A childhood dream was summer camp's goal 

                    And oh, the glorious Fourth of July

               Turned from delight to "Oh, Dear God, why?"

              
                     What words could I lend to each of you

                       I pray that God will see you through

                         In tears I reach across the miles 

                    That somehow God would gift you smiles

                        Of those who now in heaven's wake

                     Above the heartache's of sorrow's quake

                          Gaze in glorious wonder and awe

                       At Christ Himself and angels they saw

                       Far beyond earth's pain and deception

                       The safe Haven of Heaven's purest joy

                                          and elation


                      Father God, comfort dear Texas tonight

                               Give them heavenly visions

                                God, hold each soul tight

                      In Heavenly Father's sweet loving arms

                          Above sorrow and pain and earths 
       
                                   Flash flooding harms


                            Please hold them dear Father, 

                               All those mourning here

                            Give them comforting visions

                                Holy Spirit, draw near

              
                        Far above sorrow of valley and glen

                            Our prayers reach to heaven

                                    Again, and again

                              I pray Thee, send comfort

                                  In Your Name Lord                                 

                                            Amen
Form: Rhyme

Premium Member He Watched His Kite,Her, Snap

He watched his kite,her, snap


her tail rises
in the sky
in the deep blue sky
i keep imagining of her
my eyes don't rest and lie,
my mind's eye, 
of her with a bird in hand,
the one she waved off …
that i dont imagine 
i keep watching her tail
so majestic
and buoyant 
... as if she were dancing,
dancing
with herself,
 in the deep blue sky,
her carriage
model perfect
of blemishes 
with the sun shining
off her inner beauty,
she would flutter
... flutter
to the right and left,
bounce, bounce
up and down
as i continue watching,
watching ...heartbroken
for the last time,
Of life passing by,
Her,
my eyes moisten
as she distances herself
away from me
the burdens of my life
Heartaches, heartaches that
always kept suppressed in me
i say, i wish i could have stopped her flight
and see her come alive
with me,
... me with
one fleeting chance
a chance
of a snowball of goodness for once
but hoping realistically
for just that one snowflake of a chance
one little snowflake that never dropped
... i keep watching
the once beautiful kite 
so lifelike, vibrant
especially her tail and direction
up in the blue sky,
a small dot now
... sucking the air out of me
as it became smaller
• i reminiscence 
of the past of how our love nosedived
into an avalanche 
before it started
... nosediving into sorrow and regrets
the residual of a piece of string not tying
not tying a loop...
i keep looking up into the sky
my mind oscillating, correlating
i see, clearly
her inner beauty capturing me
even from a distance
and now how ... i'm resigned to watching
so sadden
life unravel,
how can this be
or is that the line ... unraveling
again, how can this be
... the kite kept 
distancing itself 
fluttering itself ...
further away ...
just like myself
... the wind howling
its sharp teeth of injustice, life
grabbing me
i guess
i guess i was bad, unworthy
For her
for i hear ...
voices in my head
the once little birds in her hand crying,
crying
for not finding warmth
i hear a snap
is that for real?
i look,
in the deep blue sky 
turning over, turning shades of red
she's gone
and the voice of cruelty just laughing
just laughing at me 
for there is an absence, now
of that little tail fluttering 
with goodness,
with unattainable borders
that i missed and missed

connie pachecho 

3/3/17

A Kind of Hate

as a child to his mother, to you i run
but you reject me, as an illegal son

i hoped to open your arms....
and take me into your embrace
i hoped to hold your hand...
and see the smile on your face

i thought your were different...
i thought you wouldn't give me pain
i thought you loved me, i opened my heart for you....
but all was in vain, all was in vain!!

my hopes in you were so high....
and as high they were, as painful was the fall!
you made my feel that i can be loved
you made me trust you....
you made me believe in love again
but all in vain, all in vain!!

now i shall leave you, like how you left me...
i don't regret it, i don't feel guilty for it
you who started it, you lied to me
you deceived me...
and after you made me believe in love again
after you convinced me that i can be loved
after you lied to me and made me feel...
that you love me
you just left!! 
like all the rest!!
you are just like them all!!
you are no different!!

i thought you'd make me forget my ugly past
i thought you'd make up for all those years....
i spent before seeing you
i thought I'd find the true love
i thought you'd never leave me
but you left me!!
just like all of them

so now i shall leave you the same way
now when you realized my value....
my worth, when you found nobody
to love you the way i did
to be kind to you, the way i was
to praise you the way i did
now you come back to me
when you realized that you can never
find somebody like me
when you realized how good and true
i was to you

now you come back
thinking I'm waiting for you!!
thinking that i would meet you...
with opened arms and take you into my embrace
to hold my hand and to see the smile on my face!
but i did just like what you did
i rejected you
just like how you rejected me
i wanted to hurt you
just like how you hurt me
i wanted to make you feel how 
sad it feels, how bad it feels
so you can try the poisonous cup
you made me drink!

just leave now, i don't want you anymore
i don't love you anymore
i may be even hating you now!!
i don't want even to see, nor talk to you
i don't want even to run into you as a coincidence!
you just go away, and leave me alone again
in my dear solitude, with my dear empty life
with my dear hatred and anger and sadness
I'd rather live and die alone
than to be with somebody like you!!

Now You Dark Me

All those times that I was nice,
now you dark me, now you dark me, 
All those times I gave advice, 
now you dark me, now you dark me, 
When no one else sat by your side, 
now you dark me, now you dark me, 
I always took your flipping side 
so what the hell happened to us

What was the point? 
You don't care mate, 
What was the point? 
Wont give me your time, 

What was the point?
You're not here mate 
What was the point? 
You take and decline 
What was the point? 
In a clear state
What was the point? 
don't help me this time
Hearing stories through the grapevine 
You trust them and avoid me 

When you had no one I was there, 
now you dark me, now you dark me, 
when I alone showed you true care, 
now you dark me, now you dark me, 
when you were all alone and scared,
Do you remember? Do you remember? 
you needed back up and we'd pair, 
Do you remember? Do you remember? 
You seem to have forgotten then 
now you choose not to see me

When your head was left looking down, 
now you dark me, now you dark me, 
Lost of spirit I'd turn you around,
now you dark me, now you dark me, 
Protect you from abusive mouths, 
Do you remember? Do you remember?
All those compliments I'd sound
and now you choose to dark me

Thanks for messing my head right up, 
refuse to help and left to rust, 
Thanks for messing my head right up, 
rip out my heart and leave it crushed, 
Thanks for messing my head right up, 
friends who take and don't give much, 
You really went and hurt me mate,
so what the hell happened to us. 

That's what I meant, 
when you need me, 
That's what I meant, 
then you leave me,
Thanks for nothing, 
and I mean it,
You mean nothing, 
a waste of my time,

Hearing stories, changing your mind, 
the worst in your thoughts, now that's just unkind, 
Knew me in person, for a long time, 
thrown out the window, your memory blind 

Forgetting that you know me, 
thanks to hear say, thanks to hear say, 
When we talked on our only, 
all was one way, all was one way, 
I wish I'd never met you now, 
loved you dearly, loved you dearly, 
I guess you never cared for me, 
and now I struggle to care for peeps, 

I think you broke me, I think you broke me, 
no one cared when I was weak, 
must be joking, must be joking, 
wonder why I hate your guts, 
because you take and dont give much
© Nick Trim  Create an image from this poem.
Form: Lyric

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