In My Room

(His version of Room 123) I’ve laid here on this bed dreaming of being with her for many days and nights, and tonight she agreed to meet me here, the stars finally aligned Either I was too late getting back, and I didn’t want her to be out, but in my head, I can finally breathe a sigh of relief that all has now worked out I lie upon this bed, and I hear a soft knock on the door, I hope I can keep my emotions in check and my heart doesn’t betray me and spill my feelings out on the floor Inside I am on fire I can’t seem to put the flames out, and then she walks into the room and my heart knows without a shadow of a doubt She is the one for me, the one I have searched for all my life, I can’t believe this moment is real if we’re doing wrong, I choose to never again be right She doesn’t know the pull that she has on my heart, just seeing her in the flesh, her smile, her beautiful eyes, it’s tearing me apart Because I know deep down, I don’t deserve her, that she is just too sweet for me, if she only knew the things I have done, the person I used to be But for her I want to change, I want her to know me as no one does, that is why I pray that she will let me hold her close to me and that my love will be enough She is such a beauty, that smile how it takes my breath away, I can’t stand sitting here so close to her, my emotions, I can’t help but convey I pull her close to me and I gaze into her alluring eyes, and if I was a stronger man, I would turn away now and save us both from our destined demise But I want to hold her, I want to feel her skin against my skin, I want to look into those eyes for the rest of my days until time comes to an end As she sits there so mesmerized as she looks upon my face, the demons within start to scream at me questioning my judgment, trying to rectify the wrong before it’s much too late They know the real me, the monster I am that lives inside, and although they can see this is different, they won’t help me to buy some time So, my ranting begins to her as I slowly caress her cheek, I ask her “How can this ever work between us, how can this ever be”? She parts her beautiful lips as she starts to speak to me to reply, and as I look into her eyes, I tell myself “Ignore the questions, just enjoy the time” But I can’t help my mind going back and forth questioning me relentlessly, all I want is to be with her for all of eternity I never want to hurt her, not in any sort of way, how can one destroy an angel that has come to Earth to play? An angel that has fallen, that has landed here in my arms, yes, she is an innocent one but we’re both in the wrong I led her here, I started this love affair, I told her all the things she needed to hear to feel that someone cared And the truth of the matter is that I do, I may already be taken by another but what I found in her soul is a love like I never knew I tell her this as I slowly place my hand behind her neck and pull her close to me, I explain that what I’m feeling I have never felt, a feeling of calmness, a sense of peace I thought I knew what love was, but nothing has ever felt this way, I am euphoric for the first time in my life, I no longer feel afraid The darkness it hasn’t visited me for a while, ever since I started speaking with her, I truly have a reason to smile She doesn’t understand my brokenness at least not to the degree, she is healing me every time she accepts my words, my touches, when she smiles at me I know I am living in my makeshift hell, and I have the decision here to make, but I don’t want to let go of the one thing in my life that has accepted me truly, my darkness, my hate How can one surrounded by so much light see any good in me? She can’t fathom how much I adore her and want her with me for eternity I know I’m holding on to something so tightly with both hands praying that she doesn’t slip away, but I know my life, I know my sorrows, and I know my angel will eventually fly away Although she promises me as she looks into my eyes that she isn’t going anywhere, I know in my heart she will make the decision for me, the one that I can’t make, the one I can’t bear I pull her close to me as I hold on to her with all my might, and I whisper into her ear “I miss you” and she turns questioningly looking into my eyes She asks with her sweet melodic voice what I mean, and as I hold her there looking into those eyes my heart breaks, my words escape me How can I tell my dream, that a dream is all this is, that I am living my own demise, that holding her in this moment in my arms is all that I will have of her for the rest of my life How can I tell her that we are disappearing from another with every sacred breath that we take, how do I explain to her she is my world, my forever in my heart and mind, but to her I’m only her biggest mistake I know me and a sweet and sacred part of her, she knows the real me too, but she chooses to banish the evil in me with her light, her pureness, her truth I can’t do this to her, I can’t bring her into my cell, the one that I share with myself and I alone, she doesn’t deserve to witness my hell How someone please tell me, how do you just let go of what you have dreamed of all your life? How do you hold her in your arms one last time, praying for just another night? How do you open yourself up and show her the person no one has ever seen? How do you give her the words and love from your heart and pray it’s enough, to keep her clean?