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Ode Funny Poems | Ode Poems About Funny

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Details | Ode | |

Enough Already, Ode to a Turkey

Oh how I love thee with your white and dark meat
Thou art the very best
But because of you, I can’t see my feet
My navel is two feet from my chest
To diet and lose so I don’t wobble no more
I would be very willing
It would be impossible now, because somehow
I finished four bowls of filling
My wife pointed at me and said look at him
He sits at the table, like a dog he begs
I stare at you and your magnificent breast
Can hardly wait to get my hands on your legs
Enough already, I’m on my knees
Give me some stuffing and some black eyed peas
Sweet potatoes, corn and a salad I’ll toss
And bury your butt with cranberry sauce
Oh turkey, my turkey, you’re the one who rocks
Now I’ve gotten so fat, I can’t put on my socks
My love for you was fleeting
And we are finished I fear
But I’ll fall in love with another turkey
Same time next year.


Details | Light Poetry | |

Ode To The Toilet Plunger

With your red rubber cup that makes suction. 
You have come in handy many a day, 
when there has been a flushing obstruction. 
I think you deserve hazard pay. 

You've saved toys, an unfortunate cell phone or two. 
Then there is always the times your needed, 
when we are visited by You-know-Who (pweh). 
So your heroics bears being repeated. 

Your sacrifice it knows no bounds, 
entering murky waters, stopping floods. 
Or pulling to surface the items you found. 
Now aren't you glad you don't have taste buds? 

Some seem to see you as just an extractor. 
Yet in movies, your comic timing is beyond belief, 
when your stuck on the face of a leading actor. 
That you didn't quit your day job is a great relief. 

Though everyone knows you on sight so well, 
To be an unsung hero, seems to be your lot in life. 
Taken out and plunged into porcelain hell, 
Where only you would dare to dive. 

So Plunger, Oh Toilet Plunger, 
as we kneel here before the throne. 
Let us sing out your praises, 
well, maybe after we can stop these groans. 


Entered in the contest: 2nd chance
Placement: 10th


Details | Ode | |

Ode to Trevor

We'd really like to thank you
i'm sure you left it here with love,
it really was so kind of you
but we didn't want your bug.

We thought you'd like to know
we really felt the pits
we thought of you quite often
when we had the squits.

Next time you come to visit
please leave your bugs at home,
'cause, when you bring them with you
they sure do like to roam.

So next time that we see you
I hope you come alone,
you can bring Rosie and Katie
but leave your bugs at home.


Details | Prose Poetry | |

Camp Anawana (An Ode to 20-somethings' Nostalgia)

Sometimes I can't believe it
It all happened so fast
Real life is truly here
Just who is that looking at me in the mirror?
How come these bills are addressed to my name?
It's like I went to sleep and woke up
And I'm all grown up

Sometimes I miss the days
When your crush had cooties, not STDs
And afternoons were spent climbing trees
And it's hard to grasp our age
Who's that man calling you "his wife"?
How come that little girl just called you Dad?
It's like I went to sleep and woke up
And we're all grown up

Sometimes the kids today
Make me feel so old when they say
They've never heard of Kurt Cobain
But I know that we're better
Cause we could fix our Nintendo in just one blow
And we all figured this out sans Twitter
It's like I went to sleep and woke up
And I'm all grown up

I remember the stupid things
Pogs and Goosebump books
Playlists were mixtapes on cassettes
And Friday nights meant TGIF on ABC
Nickelodeon was our only obsession
Friend requests were made in person
And they still showed music videos on MTV
It's like I went to sleep and woke up
And it's a different world - Nothing's the same
Cause we're all grown up


Details | Ode | |

Quips My EX GIRLFRIEND revisited


     1.   My ex-girlfriend tried to impress me when
          She told me that she is "Fasting"!  And I knew
          That she was true because, I saw just how
          Fast she ate that basket of chicken.......

      2.  The next time that she told me that she was "Fasting"
           It was three (03) double meat Whoppers!  And I have never
           Seen three (03) double meat Whoppers go so quicK......

       3. My ex-girlfriend was so upset!  She explained that when
           She was young that she could bounce a dime
           Off of her butt.  Only now, when she bounce the same dime
           It only flops!
         
  So, I looked on the bright side and told her that now she can
           Bounce a quarter on her belly button and it only drops!

         4. The last time that I saw her, she was "Fasting" on a
             box of cookies.
          
          * And boy, those (03) box's of cookies sure went fast!



Explanation: That is none sence and no one got fat in the making of this pun!
           
 
    4. I just hate it when my ex-girlfriend call's me!  Usually I keep my
       cell phone on vibrate and in my front pocket. My EX-friend
        Know's this.  She also, know's that I have a bladder problem!  Every time
        she blow's up my phone it make's me pee!
        I know that I hate it, but she give's me such a warm feeling and I take
        what I can get!
                                    

     5. My ex-girlfriend is so stupid that she can't ever give me a piece of
         her mind!  She has to get an substitute..... Ha! Ha! Ha!   He, He, He!

      6.My ex-girlfriend, She alway's cut me short!........  She wanted to give 
         me a piece of her mind, buy, she didn't have enough brain cell's left! Ha! Ha!
         Feel the Joke! Uh!

EMBARRASSING QUESTIONS?

       1.  When you "Pass Gas" and you know you did........
            And no-body heard it........ Is it proper to wait for someone
            to smell it first, before you say, excuse me..........
            Is it really too late....... That is what my girlfriend doe's!

       * I would just blame it on a friend!


Moments To Share:

       My ex-girl friend and I were discussing a poem that I wrote! She told
       me that it was an perfect oxymoron.......

       I told her that she was just a moron!


Words' To Live by:
       I was trying to explaine my mis-giving's to my EX-girlfriend......
       I told her that the problem was, not that I really love you, because
       I don't!  The problem is that I just can't get you out of my mind!


Details | Ode | |

To the Pint

O Guinness, lovely Guinness,
Irish black rose of the night.
I drink in your beauty,
a wonderment of sight!
Velvety raven body,
filling out that cold glass,
I look into your dark eyes,
you wicked, sassy lass.
I watch your tiny bubbles
cascade down and sigh,
like feather-like snowflakes
falling down from the sky.
Your heavenly head leaves
foam above my lip,
I cherish our shared moments
with each tender sip.


Details | Ode | |

Ode to Sarcasm

Sarcasm, such a delightful sound
Though who dwells in every place
What would I do without you around?

Sarcasm, you flow with such profound grace
Bathing the world with your halfhearted truth
Many sides you have to your twisted face

Why would anyone not love you?
Sometimes harsh, thou always lift
Lifts my spirits with words anew

Thine own power a wonderful gift
A gift, no doubt, like no other
You appearance always sweet and swift

Without thee the world would have no color
In a world without color I would die!!
Sometimes bright, other times dark—you’re a wonder!

You make me laugh and sometimes cry
Sarcasm, you are perfect for me!
At times I can barely understand why

I wish I could make the whole world see
Like the greatest joy you make life worth while
If only they could see your beauty

Why? Why are you so? Never mind you make me smile
You fit into every place, you’re elastic
You hold the world together like grout does tile

Sarcasm, thou who art so fantastic
Oh how I love being sarcastic…


Details | Free verse | |

Ode to a Blockhead

Just scrap metal in your bellow?
Is your pedal, mellowed old?

Poor old friend, you've lost your wheels
You dream in color, of rubber burning,...
where coughed exhaust, was left behind.

Now we're lost, two junk yard pals
Relics, that have rusted time.
Just a pile of dented fenders,
suspended… here, in desert sand.

Jammed and stacked, we'll make a pact
perhaps the two of us can make a dime.
A part of you, a part of me.....perhaps they'll make some artsy thing

Snap, crackle, hot and Popular Mechanic, 
They should come and fix us up 
Woe is you!   You junk yard dog,
something smolders in your trunk!
Smells of socks, perhaps a skunk?

Once so dandy, someone's bug
Not so handy, you can't move.
How many horses, under that hood...? 
I would push you if I could !
Scratch my back and I'll scratch yours
I'd paint you blue, and paint you bright,
If I could, to set you right
New transmission, lubed and oiled
Anti freeze to make you sneeze

Honest Engine, we'll get our kicks,
I'll fix you up, and grab the stick

Headin' down Route 66........

Get off me blockhead......we are fixed !

_____________________________________________________
12/10/14  For The "East Jesus" contest: Image number 5
Sponsored by Roy Jergen


Details | Rhyme | |

Ode to a Toad in the Commode

One morning Dee woke to find the most unusual toad
Perched o’er the water line in the “bowels” of her commode
She put on gloves and sought to catch the elusive creature
But no matter how hard Dee tried, she just couldn’t reach her

So to the local newspaper, Dee wrote for assistance
A letter to the editor described Dee’s persistence
To her shock, the letter appeared the very next day
With her email below it for helpful hints to convey

Nearly seventy emails made their way to Dee’s inbox
Suggestions aplenty on how this critter to outfox
Some offered to come to Dee’s house and catch the motley toad
A biologist warned, “It can’t swim; don’t flush the commode!”

Dee lived very privately and wanted no strange house guests
So she declined “in-person” offers to pursue this quest
By day the toad managed to slip out of Dee’s gentle grasp
At night Dee reached for a toothbrush, felt a slithery clasp

The toad she called Todd was quickly escorted out the door
Although the potential for warts, Dee certainly abhorred
Newspaper staff got a kick out of Dee’s predicament
They called the next day to find out how her efforts had went

To all of the kind emailers Dee wrote of her success
But the public’s interest Dee was unable to suppress
So she wrote another letter, proclaiming, “The toad’s gone”
Concern for this toad was a noteworthy phenomenon

Beneath Dee’s letter describing Todd’s new outdoor abode
Was a cartoon and an ode to the toad in her commode



*Believe it or not, this is true!!!  Happened to me when I lived in a wooded area.
A helpful biologist said it was a "tree toad" and couldn't swim.


Details | Light Poetry | |

Ode To The Toilet Plunger

With your red rubber cup that makes suction. 
You have come in handy many a day, 
when there has been a flushing obstruction. 
I think you deserve hazard pay. 

You've saved toys, an unfortunate cell phone or two. 
Then there is always the times your needed, 
when we are visited by You-know-Who (pweh). 
So your heroics bears being repeated. 

Your sacrifice it knows no bounds, 
entering murky waters, stopping floods. 
Or pulling to surface the items you found. 
Now aren't you glad you don't have taste buds? 

Some seem to see you as just an extractor. 
Yet in movies, your comic timing is beyond belief, 
when your stuck on the face of a leading actor. 
That you didn't quit your day job is a great relief. 

Though everyone knows you on sight so well, 
To be an unsung hero, seems to be your lot in life. 
Taken out and plunged into porcelain hell, 
Where only you would dare to dive. 

So Plunger, Oh Toilet Plunger, 
as we kneel here before the throne. 
Let us sing out your praises, 
well, maybe after we can stop these groans. 


For the contest;  Make Me laugh..Make me Giggle

Sponsored by Tracie ~*~ Indigo dream Weaver 
Placement: 1st


Details | Ode | |

Ode 2 My Poetry

Why can’t I do it how I want to do it?
Been told my rhymes are simplistic at best
I may violate pentameter but I write what I like
Why must it pass some journal’s vapid test?

Behind a block of writer’s I’ve been hiding
Cowed by thoughts of editing snafus
Trying to write deep, intensive tomes of valid lore
Only to be chastened and abused

There’s elegance found in concise expression
Saying all the world in just a line
No matter that I know this I belabor all my thoughts
Create an elegy for elegance in time

Onomatopoeia is my best friend
And alliteration waltzes through my dreams
Thoughts chatter, clatter, chirp and clunk around about my head
Demanding that they be released in streams

And after I have done what I have done here
Exposed my heart by opening my head
I send it forth with hope that someone will enjoy my words
And get rejection letters in their stead

But won’t you like my poem just a little?
I promise it won’t be a trite conceit
You say my writing’s convoluted, so, I strive to simplify it
Then you call my writing sophomoric and cheap

Yet still my writing exists, remonstrating
That whether it be ballad or blank verse
It should be able to do just exactly what it feels like
And it finds you and your editing, perverse

It says it does not care if it is published
Doesn’t want you to consider it profound
For if you did then it might accidentally be common
And make cool people like me put it down

But won’t you like my poem just a little?
At the very least try to be noncommittal


Details | Couplet | |

Ode To My Fish 'Skinny-D'

I've only had you for about a year,
To me the time was of good cheer.


Details | Limerick | |

Don't Fool Around! (ode to golf)

Whack that ball; don't hit a tree
Be conked out in the head you see!
And don't hit into the rough
Oh my gosh; that sure is tough!
Or maybe in "the zone" you'll be!


Details | Rhyme | |

Ode to the Computer Keyboard

Ode to the Computer Keyboard

By Elton Camp

It was on a manual typewriter that I learned to key
The keyboard’s function was obvious as could be

A computer keyboard, to me, isn’t the same way
For what some of the key do, I can’t possibly say

About half I comprehend of keys called F1 to F12
Into ESC, Scroll Lock, Pause, Break I don’t delve

Perhaps they do all kinds of absolutely great stuff
But for an old man like me, they are way too tough

ESC stands for “Escape” said the computer geek
If it escapes, then I guess he would have to seek

If I should see this useless key trying to get away
I’d just say, “It’s goodbye and good riddance today.”


Details | Bio | |

Solitude: To Yoda, An Ode

Green bark a prism creates,
Feel the pull of earth, you must.

Rotates, a slime of endless hates,
Can hold me not, this world’s crust.

Friendship’s ties, isolation Deflates,
Succumbs, my spaceship, to bitter rust.

Mist, my soul forever permeates,
Lift-off, booms the rocket’s thrust.

My spirit when light returns, elates,
Swamps swell, swallowed hope’s swirling dust.

Trapped, I am, until student from fate
Arrives to learn; Cloud City or bust.


Details | Dodoitsu | |

Ode to Trees


High as a Georgia pine they say
I think that I shall never see
From little acorns a mighty oak grows
So goes my tree knowledge


Details | Light Poetry | |

Ode to Coffee

That first sip is heaven
(No sugar, one milk);
It flows down my throat like liquid silk.
Though the mug warms my fingers,
My thoughts are confined
Until its scent clears the fog from my mind.

Now I can think straight
And greet those I pass
Without the feeling of being harassed.
Now I am ready
To take on the day.
My only concern is tooth decay.


Details | Verse | |

Winter Begone: Ode to the squirrely

Winter Begone: Ode to the Squirrely


I found myself outside braveing Winter's bleak
Snow lay deep upon the ground--long past a week--
As more flakes christened life on this frozen creek
I saw him standing quite still, puzzled and meek

He wore a nice fur coat with snow on his crown
A powder of new flakes not yet on the ground
With a shake of his coat--one last look around
Up a tree he climbed and then looked back down

There high and aloft with no ifs ands or buts
I heard him quite clearly yell back, '"Winter Sucks!"'
But what he said next pulled my drolls from their ruts:
'"It's gonna take 'till July to thaw out my nuts!"'


01/27/2013


* inspired by a picture from fb* ;)
for Francine's contest


Details | Rhyme | |

To Yoda an ode contest

The man looked at his twinkle
Shucks what's become of me
I used to rise and shine
Now all i do is pee

Yoda said, "Size doesn't matter
Saying take a look at me
I have  the force behind me"
But still  I am so twee

"Come close and feel the force
Around us, you and me".
"Everywhere the fire" Said I
Looking down hopefully

Guess it hasn't reached that far
Will stoke the burners well
"Do or do not, there is no try"
Are the words that Yoda tells

So next time when in the loo
Trying to raise a smile
Remembering what yoda has 
I outdo him by a mile.







Details | Light Poetry | |

Ode To The Toad

This is an ode to the toad
that hopped down the dusty road
looking for a new abode.

There was no reason to goad
the glistening slimy toad
out of its old dirt abode.

A snake chased the timid toad,
hunkered down in mother mode
and laid eggs in the abode.

While still hopping down the road
a truck ran over the toad;
thus, no need for an abode.


Details | Ode | |

DAWN

I went to bed expecting I would sleep
 Hours later I am wide awake
 It is no use me counting sheep
 Things are on my mind
 So I cannot sleep

Dawn is here
And I am not pleased
Oh why oh why
Can’t my conscience let me sleep?

A cacophonous chorus greets the new day
Some say is sweet
But all I want to say to them is 
Go away

All I wish is to lie in bed in peace
I implore all birds to hence forth hold their incessant tweets
A man on tenterhooks
Needs his precious sleep

Another day is born
Another sleepless night is done
If only I felt rested
And not like I just ran a marathon

Praise to all who can sleep through the night
I am not
And will forever envy
Your selfish delight

Dawn oh dawn why did you come so soon?
You came just when I was awaiting
That soothing dream to appear
You can be so cruel and unfair

New day that is now here
You give much stress and
I find your presence onerous to bear
It is about time you played fair
And not harass me 365 days a year


Details | Rhyme | |

Ode to a Green Hat

The green cuisine will make you lean.
Like Jeanne, Christine, or age eighteen.
Sardines, soybeans, along with greens
Will help you fit in smaller jeans.
The diet scene, you've seen umpteen!
You've worked out on the green machine.
Being lean they say is supreme.
Like if you are a strong marine.
Or when he rubs on your sunscreen.
But if you're fat and seem obscene,
Be sure to wear a hat that's green.
The color green is so serene.
And sparkles in the sunlight's sheen.
Eat: kale, spinach and collard greens
Or buy a great big hat thats green!

© March 1, 2012
Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen

Written for Poetry Soup Member Contest:  The Colors Have It 
Sponsor	Russell Sivey


Details | Ode | |

Ode to a Skip

I love thee
I cherish thee
I feel you are forever meant for me

When you are sighted
I am filled with so much joy
I coo with ecstasy
And so want to caress thee

If ever I pass you by
I am with sorrow overcome
For I know I have lost
 An opportunity to rifle through thee

Rummaging through you
I find gifts that display your bounty
I am ever thankful you love me

Your deep bowels are no hindrance
For I delve in and I search
With such expectant glee
And I always find the gifts
You kept safe for me

You are my dearest love
My Skippy
My metal box that so enriches me

I coo with pleasure at
All you do to please me
I can never exist without you
I want you constantly
 
Skip you make me so enviably happy
No one can accept that
That I truly love thee

When I scavenge from you skippee
I think you for love indulging me
For you favour me so wantonly
One day I know you will make me wealthy 

Dear beloved Skippy
You and only you doth
I think believe in me
You give so freely and expect nothing from me
You are my one and only                


Details | Ode | |

An Ode To A Dead Apple

Ode To A Dead Apple
Oh poor Dan what can we say
He’s had such bad news delivered today
His Apple Mac that’s virus free
As expensive and speedy as can be.
To do your work is such a breeze 
Bug free it does not catch a sneeze
But what the Apple people did not do
Was protect it from the likes of you
Your Apple Mac that you so love
Is put to rest and looks down from above.
The death of your Mac is hard to take
Don’t do anything stupid for goodness sake
It was tired with all the work you do
And sleepy just like De and you
But listen to some advice that’s free
Never give it any more coffee or tea.
© 21/06/2102~GG~

To my poor Nephew that has spilled a mug of Coffee and Killed his Mac


Details | Ode | |

Love feast

Love feast             by Steven Hudson

I have looked upon too many scarred, sullen and hard faces these many days.
Loud, crude, gruff men who take and push and fight.
This ship has run its course, sleepless, tossed about,
Every port and harbor, sea and foreign land.
My companions smell and to look at them would make you turn down.
I’m pretty sure I have a tapeworm and my piss is the wrong color.
So my love, when here at last I see your face,
You’re smile, piercing eyes, and silky long hair,
To gaze at you now is a love feast to behold,
And from now and forever you will always be…..
The most captivating golden retriever I have ever seen.


Details | Ode | |

Ode

O glorious cavern wrought with pinkish mystery,
Thou, whose puck’ring lips I have dreamt about,
Are the sacred altar of Sodom’s progeny .

How thy sweet effluence is set to rout
When that fearsome beast of mine doth attack
And rend thy cave apart with its purple snout! 

Venus’s temple on its hirsute mound
Seems paltry when likened to thy glory.
For to thou alone I am always bound.

It is exclusively in thy quarry
That I seek my precious stones of ordure,
Be they glist’ning moist or dark and hoary.

I shall gulp down thy mellifluous excrement
And wed my soul to its celestial scent! 






Details | I do not know? | |

Ode to Rubber Boots

“Ode to Rubber Boots”
By Rachel Heffington

In rubber boots you’re free to wade 
Through puddle and through creek;
In rubbers you’re invincible! 
(Excepting when they leak!)
 


Details | I do not know? | |

"Anxiety' Or "Ode to Therapy."

I had a silent visitor
who come in on the sly.
I didn't know he'd entered
Tll many years went by.

He built a little fire
deep within my brain.
It smoldered there unnoticed
until it burst to flame.

I went to see a therapist
who helped my look inside my head.
To find out why the fire burned 
and how I kept it fed.

I took a million breaths,
I snapped some rubber bands.
I walked to Mexico and back 
and downed some Ativan.

I'm feeling alot better,
although the fires not completely out.
I'll have to keep a constant watch.
of that i have no doubt.

So If you get that feeling,
That comes without a warning.
Have a glass of wine and off to bed.
Call your Dr in the morning.


Details | Limerick | |

Take a Risk - Ode to Bowling

Roll the ball with utmost care
By the gutters if you dare!
Don't go slidding down the lane
Don't want to think of how much pain!
Of a lousy score beware!


Details | Ode | |

Emily Me

a star and always her
constantly the moon in the garden
this wide paradise to me
where I declaim Emily Dickinson
syllable by syllable
to the happiness of the destinies
an eternal love