I cannot compete with something as painstakingly glorious as you
Envy is but a humbling tumble down a steep, rocky hill
I am crushed in your fits of glory—your screaming for passion
My approaches are absolutely wrong
Therefore my communication is a weak, ransomed victim
Your poison arrow frog skin rubs against my exposed body
I happily accept my fate
For your beauty surpasses the ephemeral pain of the infectious reign
My erroneous, inevitable downfall
I hold you up—I feel the need to keep you tall!
Michael the Archangel did not insult you once, Lucifer
How then will I?
How can I possibly be higher than you?-
Why would I want to?
I admire your freedom
I simply disregard your macrodomes of ever-worshiped flaw
If I could allow myself, I would share in your glory
Only to add to it further
But as I am poisoned with the truth
I can only be your grounded pedestal
And though you flee from humility in its wake upon my brow
I realize everyday you are living for the grounded now
And I merely look to the unknown future
A place I dread where you unwillingly hold me up
Bonded in the ground with Death and Hades
You become my pedestal, and the worms my vineyard
My parasitic feet seer your glory
I am ever so sorry
I never wanted this renown
There was a time I do recall
When you overtook me in my sleep
I cried aloud in helpless acceptance
But soon I was forced in a croak of laughter
I felt your bitter poison
I felt pride at last
I thank you for it
I thank you for showing me
What I will never be
Provoke me no longer to praise your eternal existence
Generations of Evening take a hold of me now
And the fruit must be shared
On the border of the obscure wastelands,
In the depths of shadows and torments,
Far beyond the land of Never Was, Never Will
Is a place where I hold you, strong and silent…
As the shards of your sensitive sadness prevail,
Sifting the awaiting coals below,
I shall reflect slivers of your light upon the darkest woe!
I fight with the broken alliance within the dimmest coves,
I mean to pull you into Death’s demise
Where the pained poets prevail and the suns of justice arise
So that e’en the coldest of coals reach warmth!
Generating power so strong, that the gods step aside
As these diamonds-to-be burst into the light of day
Revealing your words of Always Was… and Always Will
The Black Diamond, once captive…finally free…though coal black still!
For Shadow Hamilton's Contest: Fighting Depression(poems for PD)
You looked down at me, blue eyes intent on freezing, looked past my tears, and
said you loved me.
There was no expression on your face, no warmth in your kiss, you told me you
cared, and wanted only me.
I placed my hands on your back, kissed that mouth and told you how beautiful I
thought you were. Then you smiled that first smile you told me I was absolutely
When the sweat was dry, and the air was still, you wrapped your legs in mine, and
stroked my hair. You shared all the moments of your past, the plans of the future,
and the child like excitement of your dreams overwhelmed me into tears.
I fell in love with you. I fell hard. I fell for a man who felt nothing for me. I fell into
the arms of something that I dreamt was there, but faded, like the scent of your
skin. I never knew how blind I was. I never thought it would hurt to let you go. I
never thought I would have to. I never thought you would ever hurt me, instead
you crushed me.
You told me you loved me, and you cared. You told me I was worth everything, but
you left me. You just left me. No note. No call. No email. Nothing. You just
disappeared leaving me to feel like everything everyone had ever said about you;
everything you said you were, was true.
I danced with you. I let you in to my heart. You saw my soul. You knew everything.
You were everything to me. How could you do this to me? Why did you have to lie
and tell me it was only me? Why did you tell me I was it for you? Why did you tell me
you loved me, and cared so damn much? Why didn’t you stop to think about me
just once before eating that cake you so had to have.
You looked down at me, eyes still frozen, and begged me to have that baby. There
was a beautiful smile on your face, and you said you loved me.
You watched me move, and I heard you sigh. I thought it meant everything. You
said I was everything. You said you loved me. I thought you loved me
You have my soul, but you have your fate
Whatever your words, I’m willing to take
You have my word; I’ll give you my breath
It’s like a chain that would never be break
You are my love with all my heart,
I’ll fight for you with all my might.
And in the way, you admire your goals,
You hold my hands, but not so close.
As you go to your chosen path,
I’ll accept the fact that we will be apart.
In the dark side, I leave behind
Within my faith, that you’ll arise
Please don’t look back, coz I’m fighting still
I’m hurting so much! Don’t want to have you near
I accept my fate for what it does,
I’m bleeding so much, do you know for whom it was?
You reach your goals, as you want to have,
Would you remind the man that gave what he had?
As you reach the stars, and be the one
Be a sun that shines its own.
After the rain, the rainbow comes,
Like dark in the moon, when the light flash
A glimpse from you at least a short
For then I knew my pain is worth.
This icon was as noble as a king
in many ways as wise as solomon
but great was he like Chris Himself
His voice was as soft and touching as a fairy’s
in many ways he was as meek as a lamb
with garments as opulent as if made in heaven
His songs made the world tremble
and his sight made people fumble
in music, he was invincible
He danced beyond measure
his dancing style was unique
the way he arrayed his dresses on him was unique
He was as rich as solomon
for the gold he amassed was beyond measure
he could turn black to white
when he danced, what a sight!!!
and when he monwalked, it was a marvel
when he twisted people were mesmerised.
“King of pop” he earned the title
grammy amonsgt other awards bored him
MJ was a supernatural being
As humans we have flaws
he was no exception
for he was a human
At two scores and a half
our icon breathed his last
bringing sorrow to our world
He will forever dwell in our minds
for he was a man who knew no bounds
for his songs still thrill people
MICHAEL JACKSON, I LOVE YOU
I just wanted to let you know
That I have this love for you...
Although I'm not fast to show
For you, there's nothing I wouldn't do
And I can't control this love
No matter what I try to do...
While I know our lives are separating
Which has got me pretty blue
I just want you to know
How much I love you...
Because I was blinded by shyness
And now my heart's feeling rugged
So this here's An Ode To My Beloved
Oh how I still see you every night in my mind
You're the best girl I feel I'll ever find
And when my eyes would fall upon your smile
My heart would be put on trial
And so if nothing else, I want to let you know
That I'll always love you, that my hearts beat
For you, won't ever slow...
Because I was blinded by shyness
And now my heart's feeling rugged
So this here's An Ode To My Beloved
So I wish you happiness beyond compare
And sorry for the times I couldn't help but stare
Caring, passionate, smart, and loving
From my heart, to you, I'll never be shoving
You will always be in my heart
No matter where we go, how far we drift apart...
Goodbye My Love...
Such a sad boy
With sparkling eyes of blue
Mournfully full of pain
For the love he once knew
Torn apart by life and love
Left to forge another way
Not knowing how to simply breathe alone
Much less go on another day
I remember a time of difference
In this sad boy with eyes of blue
The world was all his at his feet
Back then, love wasn’t something really true
Those eyes held a sparkle
A happiness and surety walking tall
With all the girls falling over him
It was always funny to watch him turn in retreat
Now life has had its evil way
Of turning his heart sour
Telling him he’ll forever be alone
STOP LISTENING TO THOSE WORDS OF GAME
You are a rare beauty
Inside and out
You are my friend
Have always been,
I have this to smile about
But when will my sad boy find his smile
Will it be soon or maybe awhile?
All I know is I am your friend
And will be here from now
Until the end.
Called to me… before
…Ever had a chance
…Left its mark on me.
Claiming my soul as its own
Snuffing that glorious spark
That never grew.
Leaving nothing left
For this world
But a hollow vessel
That this world
Has filled with sorrow.
Green bark a prism creates,
Feel the pull of earth, you must.
Rotates, a slime of endless hates,
Can hold me not, this world’s crust.
Friendship’s ties, isolation Deflates,
Succumbs, my spaceship, to bitter rust.
Mist, my soul forever permeates,
Lift-off, booms the rocket’s thrust.
My spirit when light returns, elates,
Swamps swell, swallowed hope’s swirling dust.
Trapped, I am, until student from fate
Arrives to learn; Cloud City or bust.
The Nature of Success.
On an old tank ship that was so slow it felt as
we were suspended in time, a world shrunk
only us the ocean and the rhythmic hear beat
of the engine… and when the ship birthed, at
some god forsaken refinery, we felt overcome
by shyness seeing so many strange faces.
It was on a ship like this I met the third officer
a young man with literary ambitions, and he
succeeded on Norway´s modest literary tree.
Often interviewed, asked awkward questions
about writing and why he writes like it should
be a hidden formula.
I´m glad for his triumph, yet there is a sting in
my heart, not of rancor, but of sadness…never
having received the clarion call of acceptance.
Collections after collections have been rejected.
I feel as I have been suspended in a fool´s time,
only the sea and me and the shore is far away.
From hell shrivelled hands and voices in the chilly night make appearance
Hand and voices of evil ugly gory demons
Evil that torments the soul day and night
This is the story of Arusha
Arusha the woman possessed by legion
Legion of demons
Demons of promiscuity and self destruct
Powerful destruct that engages the soul
Her soul is in the grip of the power of darkness
Darkness a sanctum of hell
Oh Arusha how hell has swallowed your soul
Arusha’s soul has become a battle ground
I feel pity for Arusha as she often lets out demonic shrills
Shrills that sends chills down my spine
Remember the evil hands and voices of torment
Its torment called insanity
Insanity without cure
Arusha now is now a companion of cocaine
Cocaine I am sure you know it
Its Satan’s concoction of dementia
Concoction that destroys the soul men
Men become slaves to the voices and hands of hell
As they seek the thrill of gothic
A potently evil thrill that kills the soul
Sending the soul to eternal damnation
The story of Arusha ended in suicide
Suicide is a deceptive medicine for tormented souls
I wept for Arusha
Senseless weeping: it was too late
I was mortified when I discovered her lifeless body
A body once full of life
A soul so beautiful
Her soul is now eternally damned
In peace may you rest Arusha
"I shall be telling this with a sigh"
My thoughts they roil like waters dark
in the abyss of blackest night
with memories of mother’s book marks
of Longfellow read by lamp light.
She called in the room around me
the patter of other small feet,
her gentle voice fetched angels
Oh, rhymes how they astounded me
like lullabies soft and so sweet.
All fearsome shadows, she’d dispel
Maxine, my queen read Tennyson
and the Charge of the Light Brigade
a little girl dreamt of caissons
roll and thunderous cannonades.
To be so brave the small child mused
mother’s small, precious, heroine
what would it take to stand so strong
without father, and not confused
What words where the linchpin
to right mother’s tell tale wrong.
Such sad inspiration*.. mother
but a champion you were born.
You’re adored before all others
yet, tears bring memories forlorn.
So, dreams stream on of Mother Goose
three kittens and their mittens.
My visions of your fleeting smile
return almost every night,
and your spirit comforts, lightens
sights, if only for a little while.
Don't ask the lady on the train,
of where she plans to go,
for where did her land turn into to sand,
you and I will never know.
Where flies the bird unknowingly,
with voices in our heart,
the moment dies and away she flies,
true to the mortal art.
Don't ask the lady of the chain
that we on earth do make,
for if she speaks with her tear bond cheeks,
it shall your pen and spirit break.
We stay to find the purpose not
nor for the unknown muse,
we poise our mind and nothing find,
the pattern then refuse.
Don't ask the lady of the lane
on which her sons do tread,
can distance drown the heavens town,
where we eat we make our bed.
The colour of the soul we wear,
a notion is the skin,
a part we seed and another bread,
only one can we back win.
Don't ask the lady of her pain,
for we are yet too young,
for time does mold the firmest hold
and petrifies the tongue.
An exit of the dreaming eye,
the advent of sane sight,
the steps you cast a moment last,
before silenced is the light.
Don't ask the lady on the train,
as we shall soon arrive,
but she will stay and for us pray,
for we are still alive.
The ideal changes with the form,
the crossing of the sigh,
while grief remains with all its pains,
below the common sky.
Don't ask the lady to explain
how can the being be whole,
beneath the sun we see no one,
just a shadow of the soul;
the moon then comes and all is clear,
her light does through you shine,
a single being all faces freeing,
we the shadows of design.
Don't ask the lady of the strain,
that time has left on her,
she will not try, but she will lie,
tell of the smiles that never were.
There is a place we keep with us,
the oasis of our bliss,
our service purge and with it merge,
the hurtful world dismiss.
Don't ask the lady of the gain,
that she gains from finding home,
there are faces lost at pleasures cost,
where the tears do turn to foam.
A torrent upon the growing shore
and within it a dream,
while we do long for the drowning song,
all hope turns into steam.
R.N.Khan, © 2014
So now we sit around and stare
The truth is that there's no one there
Not a soul found on the street
A passing wave would be a treat
At fifty five
While still alive
A choice was made
And plans were laid
As seniors this was all quite new
Now open to a lucky few
A clubhouse with some gorgeous ground
Surely neighbors would be found
Day and night we'd be so busy
Activities would leave us dizzy
So finally we made the switch
Moved right in without a hitch
We then just took a casual walk
To find someone and start to talk
Yet not a soul was to be found
As we made our stroll around
And soon our hearts were full of dread
Had we found the living dead
So now we simply sit alone
Hoping to just hear the phone
So when it's time to sell your home
And find a place to settle down
Remember just to check it out
Or be the only one in town
There's more to life when you've got cash
Then see your neighbor
Take Out trash
You don't know about the ish that i been through
You don't know why its like this with me and you
you only see the ish you wanna see
But you dont know the half of whats in me
I'm much more than what meets ya eye
I lay awake some nights tryin not to cry
Wishin we were close like you and your second child
Maybe i should have rebelled and been a lil wild
Perhaps i should a pissed you off every chance i got
Make you angry, get you pissed off and pippin hot
Cause it did wonders fa y'all relationship
I always felt i got left over ish
You told me i was a surprise
Rarely could i ever read love in your eyes
And when i did i knew it wasn't there to stay
Feelings for me change from day to day
Bet you didn't know i tried to take my own life
Bet you didn't know i was once gone be a womans wife
And i know you dont know about the time i was raped
Or about the time i was forced to make a video tape
You couldn't know your baby girl should be a mother
Didn't know i was till i saw blood on the covers
And there is still a list of ish you could never see
Cause i keep all of this ish down deep inside of me
No it's not all your fault we're not like mom an daughter
When i saw how things worked i could have tried harder
But yet and still this is the woman you raised
Taught to live on my terms , do things my way
I really cant help how i am you see
The best i can do is simply be me
But you dont know the ish that i been through
Only concerned about whats up with you
But if you took the time to look under, not just above
Look deep inside, my heart is full of love
And if you used more than just your eyes to see
Maybe you could see the wonder known as Kimberly
On my grave stone it will read
"Here lies Jessica full of scorn
she'll never know why she was born
she hated living in a world so cruel
in a world that never cared at all
she wanted to run but she was paralized
she glew in the dark cause no one saw her in the light
she faded away now shes outa sight
no one listened and no one cared
so now she lies underground"
Sanity on Colonial Road no longer exists.
The endless spiral downward still persists.
Friends have been lost, no longer exist.
Life is strange, wipe me off the list.
Have no wife, no kids, no job.
And yes, I live the life of a slob.
Feel like I’m hiding from the mob.
Give them time, they’ll do their job.
61 and obsolete, too old it seems to compete.
61 and without a dime, got too old before my time.
61 and life’s past me by, happened quick, sigh.
61 never thought my life would be a lie.
Where are the grandchildren to make me smile?
Where are the days I can relax in style?
What kind of fool have I be in life?
Why do I have to endure this strife?
If it were cancer or heart disease
Or some other health issue if you please.
Then I could understand what I’ve been dealt.
And try to keep living, not be willing to melt.
I once had a life, a business, a dream.
I woke every day with a full head of steam.
But that business, that dream has faded away.
And I have not replaced it, have not had my say.
I keep trying to reinvent myself.
As I’ve been told it’s that or all else.
I’ve been at it for the last two years.
And my reward, nothing but tears.
Perhaps I’ve had it too easy from the very start.
Inherited a business, my father’s death was a part.
Did all I could for almost ten years.
Then closed the doors, but had no fears.
Started a new one, way back in ‘86.
From the beginning, I knew it would stick.
Lived a good life, not rich but no worries.
Until it nosedived and gave me the sorries.
When you’re 61 without a dime to your name.
It’s hard to look back and feel the same.
For almost forty years I lived the dream.
Now all is lost, I do nothing but scream.
Oh, I send resumes to all the employers out there.
Not one reply in two years if your dare.
Unless you want to sell credit card machines.
There’s no work for you, you ain’t living the dream.
I’ve had plenty of good counsel and lots of advice.
Not a single thing in two years has been able to suffice.
I think of the gun virtually every single day.
Get over this misery, say goodbye and good day.
What you say, don’t ever give up?
What about George Eastman or Ernest Hemingway?
Or Hunter S. Thompson from Rolling Stone by the way.
You think my problems pale by the way.
I tire each morning facing my painful non rewarding life.
I hate the world for not recognizing my strife.
I have so much more to give to this world.
But if no one can see it, let the flags be unfurled.
To the irresponsible
In the eve of dawn
When the cricket advices the listeners
The moon and the stars sit
Performing their duties and enjoying their rights
The blowing breeze freezes her
In spite of her matrimonial statues
Her dreams full of horror
That of a woman smooching hers
At times when the door cracks, open
The water has ran down the drain
The tap laid bay
Like a ship at anchor
Even when they said their prayers
She bemused at his Amen
Does he hear the both?
Receives both their thanks
Will he be amused?
Or maybe flabbergasted
To see her protruding belly
Why do you refuse a meal?
And purses the flies from eating same
Sleep till another day
For another sunny god
Sleep sleep sleep
Find your own peace
Your black midget maid
Your sandwich is on
The dirty blood
Was washed away
They brushed your hair
For the love of god
For the mother mary love
They already put a spell
The holy sky
Will save your heart
So please try to sleep
i thought you new me
i thought we were on the same page
what happen you gonna block me out for ever
how can you do that
i guess you didnt mean what you said
you wanted to start over
your not beliving anything i say
because of your friend
why us why now
what changed fromm yesterday
i want to no
you posting false things about me
you trying get me mad
and its working
i just wanna screm
i wanna yell
i wanna cry
i wanna let out all my emotions
but its crazy i never felt this way before
i dont like this feeling
its werid its acward
what is there to do
what is there to say
what is there
what is there to think
i don`t know
i can`t say
but i can pray '
i hope you get what you deserve cause God is watching
everything you do just saying
I sat with you and listened to your heartbreak stories
I held you, I kissed you, I promised I would never do that to you
I fell in love with you.
You sat there and listened to the horrors of my past
You held me, you kissed me, you promised never to do that to me
I fell in love with you.
You wouldn’t let me walk away, but you didn’t chase me either
You said you weren’t ready, but you were never gone
You watched me fall in love with you, but never said a word….
I tried to let you go, I tried to run, why didn’t you just let me?
I tried to mask my pain, I tried to write it out, but you read it all, and kept me?
I wanted to love you, and you let me without hesitation, why?
But you belonged to another undeserving soul that crushed you
And she is worthy of that in which I am not, why?
She cheated on you, you cheated on her
She doesn’t want you and you don’t want me
You used me to get to her, why?
You said I was perfect, and too good for you
Yet you did everything in your will to destroy me. Why?
Why did you do this?
Why did you not see me?
Why did you punish me?
I was in love with you.
It is so strange. You were gone, then I needed you. I needed your voice. I needed
to see your face. I sat there in front of you, still so defeated, but I couldnt move. My
feet were planted. I was so in love with you. You never saw me.
I never heard Im sorry escape your lips, you felt no guilt. I heard I needed you. I
heard I still love you. But you left me. YOU just left me. I watched you move, I
pleaded within myself to not fall this time. I made no attempt to get closer. I
reached for the lighter, you never saw me, when you reached for me.
Then you put the arms I needed, around my body, and kissed my head. I closed my
eyes trying to contain everything I wanted to scream. I just cried. You never saw
I listened to you talk. So much excitement in your voice. I was focused on the road,
and listening to the passion come from your lips.I felt so broken inside...I knew you
never said my name with excitment, because you avoided saying my name at all. I
cried again. You never saw me.
I watched you as you took the wheel, the way your skin glowed in the full moon
light. The way my hand looked as it touched your face. I was so hurt inside when I
felt the phone continuously vibrate, I knew once again it wasnt me. I realized at
that moment, I dont know that I love you anymore. I cried when I lay in bed that
night. You never saw me.
I do not know?
I cannot say forget me
For that will never fly
like birds without wings
Take my soul from your eyes
I cannot say forgive me
For I am not sure of my sin
I take your fair heart with a fare start and balance it on the wind.
the breath that is left
inside my heaving chest
is meant for the exultation of you.
And all that i am in spirit, on land
is spent in the loving of you.
For love as it is, as rare and as cleansed
is not a forlorn sensation.
I cannot say this is the only way,
but the direction I've paved is without the pace I know.
And the love that exists refuses to relent, like the falling snow.
we finally find the small aisle, the one i've been searching for.
pass the pink liquids and big white pills
and stop at the little blue ones.
look! you can get 50 caplets for $4.99.
Five dollars for twenty-five nights of sleep.
I do a restrained dance and compare prices.
the cashier does not know she holds
a near month of happy nights for me.
she tosses them in the bag with the chicken,
when we return home i put them down,
in an elevated space - the fruit bowl.
and i stare at them for hours
until the clock finally flips over to 10pm.
i dream about dinosaurs in aeroplanes and
beautiful women drinking whiskey with me.
when i awake, the sky is gray and i am out of coffee.
in the excitement i had forgotten
that i'd still have to get out of bed.
Old men and red wine (Portugal)
In the bodega old men drink red wine (never white)
They are proud of their elderliness and solves
The worlds many problems; something about keeping
your head down and work hard.
Then as shadows fall and night approaches, they go
home to wives who scold them gently for smelling of wine
but they do hope to meet their old friends tomorrow
afternoon at the bodega.
Not many bodegas left now, big wooden caskets of wine,
sink counter and stone floors, wine bars are taking over,
bottles of showy wine with posh labels like that should
have anything to do with friendship.
When you hear the sound of my voice,
does it make you happy inside
Or does it even phase past those blue eyes?
When you are standing there trying to focus on the task at hand
Does the taste of my kiss cloud your judgement?
Or do you think of my lips at all?
When you hear another speak my name
Does your pulse race and hand shake?
Or pretend we've never met?
When you see me smile at you
Does everything in the world disappear?
Or do I even make that moment special?
When you reach for the phone
is it my name you call out to?
Or do you remember my number at all?
When you see your future
am i standing beside you?
Or have I already disappeared?
Why me I am always feeling like I am letting everyone down!
I am the one in pain 24/7 and yet the Dr's let me down!
I know people love me and care about me and yet I still would rather die!
For me to die would be great cause then I would not be letting everyone around
I hate being the one to hurt my family and friends but I have no other means to make
people happy in my life.
People need to leave me alone when I say and that way I can be with my loved ones in
heaven and they will never have to worry about me again!
Like sleep thou took him
to journey the part of others
in unison and intimation
thou traveler , go tell them
Tell the fallen Majors
that we a'e losing
the battle they started
that our soldiers only drink and sleep
that they kill those
those they are to protect
making us weaker and losers
except they realise, their duties
We must be fugitives
The gunpowder we make
yet we carry unloaded guns
that our soldiers refuse
to recruit trained men
warriors of our clan
that our soldiers now reap
what we sowed in unison
that they have forgotten
The sacrifice of our coups
the coups that was to
Eswama the clan
In order to edenise our clan
There are numbers that downright haunt me,
and letters that mean life or death,
and words that infect my thinking,
and make me wish for my last breath.