I see you looking at me
There is an old pang in my chest
there where your hands used to caress
where your lips loved to roam
there where you called your home
There is an old flutter now
What is that in your eyes?
Is it real or just a disguise?
I see you looking at me
No, it can’t be
And in that instant your memory consumes me
A roaring fire lighting the room
Shadows dancing on the walls
We are drunk on desire
.....caressing your breasts
.....kissing your body
.....tasting your love upon my tongue
Unbelievable . . . panic seizes me
Don’t look at her -- flee
But in that moment my shattered heart
Leaps with joy
I see your eyes
....and I feel the earth
....moan with delight
I wish the world would go away
How can this be?
It must be a dream...
I turn away from your stare
Look down at my shaking hands
I need to think....
Why now? Why here?
Out of nowhere…you appear
Oh, but....I want you
I sneak another peak
As my mind brings to my eyes the memories
It seems just yesterday
you looked at me that way
....when you undressed me
....when you caressed me
....when you made me understand
how a body can speak
the language of love
has my body spoken
with the same eloquence
That language I first learned with you
I want you
But....the pain won't go away
you were too proud to say,
Oh....but my lips are getting moist
hungering for your kiss
I look your way
My heart will give me away
Thundering in joy
It won’t be still!
.....Let me think
.....Let me THINK!
Oh...Oh...but....I want you
Here you are….
You’ve made it over to me
Here you stand
Looking down at me…
Reaching for me….
Taking you into my arms – lifting
Your eyes -- dark pools of honey
Your lips – full . . . moist . . . inviting
Our bodies embrace – I am home
My prayers for another chance – answered by your kiss
Our words tumble over each other
Tears, laughter, kisses . . . relief
My beautiful darling – I’ve missed you
....the way you look at me
Making love until the dawn
Our bodies intertwined
My head resting upon your breasts
Listing to the rhythm of your heart – my heart
How beautiful you are my darling –
Your love is fragrant and radiant
Filling my heart with light . . .
Look – I am glowing from within . . .
I feel a stiffness creeping into your body
WHAT – fear seizes me – I can’t breath
My darling – abandon the hurt, the pain I have caused . .
I am on my knees begging
How can I prove my love –
earn your trust?
I won’t leave – never again!
I love you
you . . .
What if you hurt me again?
This time....I won't recover
This time….I won’t survive
It has taken so long
for this heart to mend
Down on your knees
Your eyes plead
I see the tears gather
Can I risk it?
But then again
Can I risk going back to the emptiness
that you left behind
A life without you
was only days and nights
of longing...for you
My fingers reach
For those unruly strands of hair
You turn your face into my palm
Planting a kiss
Your arms go around my waist
as you rest your head against my body
We're lost to the world
You're finally home
I bend down to whisper
"Stand up and walk me home
There is a language….
I want to hear your speak to me.”
And that night
In our hungry bed
The eloquence of our shared language
The body syllables of desire
The sound units of passion
The language of our love
Was heard by the world
The story of a chance encounter between two old lovers
~~~~~~~~~Love lost and love found~~~~~~~~~~
A Collaboration by David Meade and Eileen Manassian
You love to hurt me with your words
Well you win darling
You could of stabbed me with a sword but that would of not felt as painful...
I don't blame you
I seem to provoke my own misery
I pushed you to wonder
I dropped you to stumble
I left you behind running
But darling you’re going in circles..!
I'm not there, nor am I here
My heart has lost direction
I can't help your perception of me,
No more than I can help myself
I don't mean to be so unsusceptible
You see it all feels unreal to me
That you could truly want to love a girl like me...
I know I infuriate you
I can't seem to fix this spell.
I don't mean to be so phlegmatic
Nor am I being dramatic
I feared you learning of the real me!
I feared your disappointment when you found my pulverized heart...
I feared your truth...
-by Inas Sharif
I push the buttons,
You push mine.
The light above your head flashes,
I'm in for the ride.
The elevator begins.
Off to a shaky start.
As we move further, and further astray
from the building's foundations,
And closer to the heart.
The awkward silence looms.
We pretend we don't notice the glances.
You study the floor,
Whilst my eyes explore,
Making out the warning signs
By the side of your door.
As another person enters
And pushes, yet, another button
Your eyes look up.
We go down.
Back down to the ground,
Back down to the start
My mother, my grandmother before has always held a place in my heart.
My father, and my grandfather before has the same part.
I was young and very active with unwillingness to listen fully to what they had to say.
I had a problem, never could be solved without my parents and grandparents till today.
With patience they all come to my aid when I fall on my face.
With little dishonor I listen to them and what they had to say, I embrace.
Over the years I go to them with no doubt a feeling of no dismay.
Over the years I go to them and they help me solve problems that to me is O.K.
Now I am getting a bit more aware of what had happen to me when I was growing.
Now I remember how the ride was in my beginning: it was a trial of not knowing.
With the guided words of my parents and grandparents I survive through them all.
With it some being a problem that I remember I recall.
My mother and my grandmother always said to be patient and it will be easy to solve.
My father and my grandfather always knew that I would grow and evolve.
I could wonder everyday what if my parents and grandparents was not in my life.
I could just think that would be fatal like a stab with a knife.
With knowledge that they had past on to me of what they had experience.
With their proof of teachings they had past on to me is their self existence.
Over the years I grew with life so full of happiness that was because of my families love.
Over the years it showed me the path that led me to all the above.
Now cherish those words that help me through my troubles in my new family.
Now I listen to my parents healing words of wisdom and except them gladly.
Hear it chugging and tasle
The sun has gone down
Twilight, is still not dark
Small steps ... chugging and tasle
The dog is standing still
Sniffing and listening
Sounds comes closer
A small ball comes out of the bushes
My favorite toy, the dog thinking
Sticking her nose up ..... but ...
The ball is full of sticking spines
it makes a hissing sound
Hedgehog will not play with the dog
A-L Andresen :) - This is my dog "Maya" :))
(5th in the contest)
approach - perception - somatization - questioning - shock - conflict - attrition - affectation - relativity - trade - union - disruption
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Do you ever have these thoughts?
These scenarios that play on in your mind?
They haven’t exactly happened yet but in your heart you wish they would
Could just be a simple conversation back and forth
A glance across the table when our eyes seem to meet
The way you gently place your hand on the small of my back as we enter the restaurant
Driving down a road with no destination with music up high
The windows down low
When I'm in the middle of saying something and you stop me in my tracks and kiss me
It’s always these little movie clips
These small moments that may be simple gestures but seem to leave the most impact and make you feel weightless
Then reality hits and I find that a smile of pure joy has appeared on my face
In memory of Bob
A true story.
It was in spring of two thousand when I first saw Bob. I’d just started working at Perth Dental hospital, and in fact it was my first day there. I walked up to the front door of this building, but it wasn’t yet opened. So I turned around and went to sit in the bus shelter which was just outside the building. As I went to sit down I noted a dark skinned gentleman sitting there with a happy, benign look on his face. He was about five feet eight give or take a little, and he was rather a thickset man who looked like he’d done his fair share of hard work in his sixty years or more.
There was something about this Gentleman that I could not quite put my finger on. He had a certain charisma about him; not the phony kind of charisma that one seen in the car salesman or the philanderer who messes with women’s heads, no, Bob had a kind of friendly smile for everyone that he met, and he seemed to draw people into him with his love, and gigantic heart. I knew as soon as I met him that Bob was most definitely for me.
As Bob looked at me and smiled, the whole world seemed to open up. He said “Ow ya going mate” in a loud ebullient manner, then we started to chat. Bob was like myself, a thinker, and straight away we started philosophizing about this, that, and the other, and it was like we had known each other forever. Then all of a sudden I found Bob talking about death, and the difference in the way the Maori people faced death, compared to the rather the silly way us white folk look at the subject with great fear in our hearts. Now this had always interested me, and somehow it just seemed natural to talk to this Maori gentlemen on this subject, and we spoke about it till the doors opened and it was time to work.
I don’t think anything happens just by chance, and I definitely have this feeling that Bob and I were meant to meet, and I really think this was a major destiny thing. I have found during the course of my life, that as I am aging, I can feel something pushing me into a certain direction, and I always felt that Bob was part of all this; and I had much to learn from him. Although I have never believed in organized religion, and never followed one I have always felt deeply spiritual, and I have met many people who I learned from, and Bob was most definitely one of them with all his great wisdom and patience. As I came to know Bob, we had many dialogues together, on many subjects. Bob used to love music and could always have time to plonk away on his guitar. He used to come round to my place and we would play songs together, though both he and I were no Eric Clapton’s, I would bang around on my guitar and play the harp, while we would both take out turns at singing. We’d have a smoke or a beer or two, and we’d play songs all day long, ahhh, I remember those days well, the memories are so strong.
Bob was one hell of a man, I could tell that he had been a wild one in his youth,
But when I knew him in his sixties he was an icon of wisdom and virtue; he had a kind word for everyone, and gave all his time to anybody who needed him, always.
He used to hear me waffling on like an idiot, trying to make him like me [as I always did] but never once did he tell me how foolish I was, he would just smile knowingly at me. He used to stand there at the window for hours, just drinking in the trees, or the clouds in the sky, and yet he was so aware, I used to try to sneak up on him; it couldn’t be done. His awareness was incredible.
Then one day Bob fell ill with terminal cancer, and he knew that he had very little time left on this Earth. He lay there sick for days in intolerable pain, but you never heard one complaint from him, even when he only had days to live, he was still worrying about the welfare of others. When the day finally come for Bob to leave his shell; he was lying there in deep sleep, when all of a sudden he woke up, with a smile on his face. His children asked him ‘Dad, do you want some pain killers” Bob laughed, compassion written all over his face, and he said to them ‘Not one of you has a clue, have you’ and he died with a big smile on his face.
His daughter got in touch with me, and told me about his death, and also told me that his last wish was to have me watch his soul leave his body. I felt very honored about this and went and sat with his body [as Maoris do]. I got the most peaceful feeling come to me [which I presume was his spirit leaving his body] as I watched his silent body, a Mari war stick and a beautiful rose lay across his chest. I still see it, and I feel blessed by it. He was my Maori warrior, and I adored the man.
It was New Years' Day and the rain was pouring. The plans I made for were ruined by the rain. He must have noticed I was cold because I felt his silky leather jacket being draped across my bare shoulders. I looked over and saw him smiling at me. I caught myself blushing then looked away. Shyly I broke the silence. "I'm really sorry. I had this big day planned for us but," I paused, "I forgot to check the weather." Before I could continue blaming myself his finger tips led my face perfect plush lips. When we kissed, it was like Heaven on Earth. He told me something I'll never forget. Kneeling down on one knee, he looked up and grabbed my hand. The words still play like a song in my head. "Will you marry me?" Tears poured down my face. I was so excited the words got stuck in my throat. So I nodded instead. He picked me up, spun me around, then we kissed. There was so much passion we felt the sparks between our closed lips. This was truly the perfect day.
I barely knew him,
met him through a friend,
saw him at a birthday party,
and my friend told me he really liked me.
I went to treatment for an eating disorder
before we started talking.
The emptiness in my stomach from the anorexia
told me it might be beneficial to get to know him.
He told me he would be there for me when I returned.
I came home with healed scars and forgotten innocence.
He called me one night, drunk,
telling me his cousin had died from a heroin overdose.
I couldn’t help but feel sad for him.
We met on the bridge
that crosses the canal between our houses.
A beer in his hand
he slurred his words and cried to me.
I didn’t know his middle name yet,
not his address or how many siblings he had.
I liked his facial scruff,
and the way he cried to me
without even knowing how to correctly pronounce my last name.
I stayed until 5 am.
Laying on his couch,
just starting to get to know each other.
We fell in love.
For eleven months if my memory is right.
We smoked Marlboro Reds together
on his front porch red cushioned swing.
He protected me from my demons,
kind of like how a barbed wire fence
protects the inmates from making mistakes.
He was my first love.
We wrote daises of words on paper
and he drew his love with a pen on my heart.
It ended the day my cousin’s grandmother died.
I never realized that our relationship
started and ended with death.
Maybe that is why in the end we were so bitter.
Round and around
I'm lost on should of ,
Would of ,
And maybe it might of been..
In my head it plays differently
I try to talk and the words choke in my fear of being drowned .
Back I go in my head
Round and around
But I cant mange to win
Where do I go from here
So much unsaid
Feelings are tangled
Hearts to mend
Little do I know of what's next
Is it to late to fix?
Emotions are now Mixed .
Jumping back to reality ..
Words fail me, choking on my lips
Oh how I miss .....
I run back again to my head
Laying in my bed
Something must be said .....
From Bitter to Sweet
From one who knows.
The pain of separation – divorce. One friend said, “death”
would be easier. The husband of my youth. There were happier
times. Fleeting memories, of laughter, sunshine and lingering kisses,
pictures, walks, talking, discussing all things. As thoughts rushed through my mind
of the day we eloped to be married, oh, we thought, we knew it all.
We had the world by the tail, why did it fall apart?
The fact, people and circumstances change.
For me – I was the mother of four children; I was forced to grow up
with my children. For him, he had a desire to remain young and
But children bring responsibility. Little ones depend on you and you are so
busy just trying to live. Dinners to fix, groceries to buy. Bills to pay, children
to raise and love.
Then the years pass, you realize that he doesn’t love you, he never really did. He
doesn’t know what love really is, and never did or ever will. He thought
that lust was love. What do you do? You have little ones now. You’ve
never worked outside your home. You don’t have any money. Your
health is not good, are you trapped? Do you stick it out? Do you run
away? Do you give up? What about your babies?
It was then; I found new life in Jesus Christ. I found hope for tomorrow and
help for today. I found more love and acceptance than I had ever known.
I found a new way when there was no way. I found a door of hope for
my children. Did he?
Unfortunately, no! He hated the Christ in me and told me so. The more that
Jesus loved him through me, the more he hated me.
But, you think that the LORD will change him. You pray and fast for him.
You love him with God’s love. You stand on the Word of God for him
to be saved. Surely, everything will be all right.
But, it falls apart, he wants to leave. He is taken out of your life. You feel
anger, you feel despair, and you feel so all alone. Then, you’re angry of how
he really treated you. You didn’t know how bad it was until he was gone.
But now, you know that is where God’s precious Spirit takes over.
You pray, Father God take this anger away. Father, I don’t want to lose You
to, and Your fellowship and with my Jesus and Your Spirit! I’ve lost my
mate that was terrible but, Father if I lose You, I will die!
Our God is so Faithful! You cry out for help and for His strength to forgive
this husband of your youth. Two months, no change it seems, the anger is still
there, but six months now and there is a precious healing and the anger is
gone. Forgiveness replaces it! Oh the Love of the Master!
You learn again, God’s mercy is so great! What you clung to was really killing
you. You wanted to believe only good. You wanted to see only good things.
You were lying to yourself. But, seeing with God’s eyes slows us to see the bad to.
Your life had become something with a bitter flavor. God wanted a sweet flavor
and a sweet incense unto Him.
How hard it is to love and show His precious love to others when you’re being
stung all of the time. Always in pain. Always bearing a broken heart within.
But, oh the sweetness of deliverance. The joy of broken shackles, for the bitterness
of imprisonment falls off when you’ve been totally set free. Your life truly turns
from bitter to sweet.
Written by: Marilyn Jennings
Gun fire all around, bombs going off in the distance
It was some of the angry mobs and resistance
Father was the king of SafeHaven a small kingdom
Like all other kingdoms it fell in random
Fire started in the castle
And along with it came a battle
It was a distance memory now because the child has now grew
Many things in this child that made memories stew
My name is Mastrey, a young orphan who was there that night
Mastrey saw her in the distance and her father and mother in his sight
Everyone was loud that night and made all the children hide
But that evening Mastrey saw her mother and father die
She ran into the bushes in such a fright
And evil doers were running around with flashlights
Mastrey remember it as he distracted them
Her eyes was so confused with problems
Mastrey new that it was because of what just occurred
His feelings of what those people did was not awkward
The distraction worked, he went back to were she was
Hiding and very scared she was, he asked her, can you trust me just because?
Her answer that night depended on her lively hood
As Mastrey was their with his hand reaching out to her as he stood
Pulling her up from the ground he looked into her eyes that were SeaBlue
Mastrey had made a life long friend and love, She knew it was true
Next: My Story Telling, Who is this Princess
So far down into my pit of anguish, I find myself.
Slowly, some of my senses are coming back to me. Teh aching pain inside my soul and heart doesn't make this easy, but I try to rise my head, to stand on my own. In front of me, I find a looking glass.
Glancing at its cracked and dirty surface, I do not recognize teh face displayed in there. "For how long have I been sinking till I became this?" I think to myself. "Whatever is this that I spy, ain't worth the effort, mine or of anyone else..."
Squishing my eyes shut, in an attempt to fight this feeling of time wasted, of remorse and melancholy, feeling like my time is waning faster than it should, of it being wasted, I fail hard to do so.
Like sand, it goes through my fingers as I try to get a hold of it but, to no avail, it falls and vanishes into the drain.
And, as like that, I find her, once more. Cold and sharp, waiting. The crimson tint beneath my shell isn't a so soothing sight to behold no longer, in hope to make it fade away, all these evil thoughts and frustrations accumulating on each passing day through over all these years...
"What have I become? What have I done with my life to this point." Looking back, now I realize, all this time I've been fooling myself. Now it is too late.
I don't have time to anything else if not find relief on the click and the combustion of the dark dust. Trepanation by my own making. THe only good deed from myself to this screwed up world of broken shadows.
You should, as well, take a deep and look gaze upon this mirror without denying what you see in there, for I am of your making and you are broken equally. If you doubt, go there now and look and think...
So burdened by a crushing silence more weightier than words
born from likened mirrored thoughts
These reflections shown in slackened hunches
They come to bear such cruelty
Carried with this certainty , seen darkly down and dragging
in the fell of fallen shoulders
Which question in their ways of inner fearing fractured feelings
Things best left or right unspoken
For answers to them may they be or not a gambles die
cast in chance of truths best left unseen
Toys for such capricious ways of wanting at a leisure
that seems torturing to say the least
When words of praise and tribute laid down thoughtfully
Yet none return to me
Naomi and her family departed from Bethleham Judah the land of milk and honey
in the midst of a famine as they were unable to earn any money
so on to the region of Moab they ventured and prospered to some degree
until Naomi lost her husband and both sons and was left alone to grieve
to her daughters-in-law she told them both to their families they should go back
but one daughter-in-law Ruth refused to let their relationship come under attack
she told Naomi I will never leave you nor forsake you
I will stay by your side no matter what we have to go through
your people will be my people, your God will be my God
and wherever you choose to travel you and I will never part
with loyalty, love and devotion Ruth needed Naomi in her life
in order for her to develop a relationship with our Lord Christ
now worshipping God together placing their fate in His hands
for this was a divine hook-up that the Lord our God had planned
Now Naomi needed Ruth too but was too afraid to admit it
as she felt she had been forsaken by the presence of the Holy Spirit
but God was in the midst of that relationship from the very start
He had destined that Ruth and Naomi would never, ever part
for when women worship God great relationships are made in life
with loyalty, love and devotion in the name of Jesus the Christ
In the course of your life there will be people whom you need and require
to help you to be all that you can be in the way that God desires
the clarifiers in your life will help you to see what is your mission
the collaborators in your life will encourage you to come to a decision
the confronters in your life will nag you and stay in your face
while the comforters in your life if they're of God will help you find your place
then the celebrators in your life will help you to rejoice in your victory
with the spirit of love, devotion and a godly loyalty
Now Ruth went on to get remarried but kept Naomi as a member of her household
for their relationship was a divine hook-up that was under God's control
for when women worship God great relationships last an eternity
Naomi and Ruth a divine hook-up of love, devotion and loyalty
She is so typical
For most part difficult
I never really could grasp her in such way
She just wants me to some how stay
She comes to my man cave and makes me obey
Shy she was and now I am scared
In such way I almost cared
She thinks she can do everything for me I swear
She makes me guess everyday but I keep on believing
Because it is fun to give her a kiss, while she does not know when she is sleeping
She stresses out but I will tell her my love for her keeps deepening
So for the most part I just keep her close to make her smile and me
When I do things I do it for her it is always a key
Call me romantic or call me stupefied, but it makes her so, so, sooo, happy
Extraordinaire, he raised the ice.
He told me this when I was a child.
He said he heard his neck pop.
He laughed and said, “That stopped my dare devil’s persona.
As you see, I am short.
I liked to participate in a dare devil’s sport when I was young”.
He went further into his exploration.
He said he worked at the ice house and was challenged.
If he could rise up ice with teeth, he would be paid graciously.
He would not disclose the amount.
However, he won the challenge.
Therein, his neck snapped.
The ice was hoisted to the sky.
I asked what happen next.
He said he drop the ice and it hit the floor like a brick.
Herein, the ice splits in two.
How is anima doing?
He was rushed to the Emergency Room.
Maybe he became paralyze pro tem.
What he shared is what I have given.
He died in nineteen hundred and eighty-three.
This is in remembrance of anima.
Down the alley’s road stood an old stucco house.
In the yard stood a fig tree.
Adjacent to, was Aunt Donnie’s home.
Both lawns were kept by nature splendidly.
Beautiful flowers grew during the fall and the spring.
Summertime was buzzing.
I would visit anima and often see Aunt Donnie.
He loved his Wild Irish Rose.
Even more so, the Depot was where he went for shade.
He would say he needed to stretch his legs.
True to his inner self, his moniker statured him among goliaths.
To put it another way, would be a lie.
This is written as a celebration of life.
Penned April 18, 2015!
How is it that I feel this way?
I don’t even know what kind of feeling it is
But I know it’s not a good one
I can’t even begin to tell you
Because I can’t even explain it myself
All I think about it you
I start to get these thoughts
They won’t go away
I wonder if you feel this way too
Like something’s missing
I re-read your texts to reassure myself
We lay on the bed in silence
I desperately want stories and laughs
I feel physically connected
But not mentally connected
day after day I’m the one puts in the time
Goes out of my way to make sure you’re ok
Why doesn’t it bounce back my way
Arnt I the one you said I meant the world to you
Then why don’t you show it
Im the girl that needs to be shown that what you say is true
That’s all I ask
This to me doesn’t seem like a big task
There are no promises, no real guarantees
You just have to go with it and hope for the best
It’s probably one of the scariest feelings
You want to not think about it and just enjoy it for what it is and live in the moment
Then there’s that little voice in your head saying “why bother?”
“You’re going to be left crushed and disappointed just like all the other time?”
You keep trying to push it aside but your heart and mind start to feel weary
While I consider myself to be the hopeless romantic who longs for that one who completes the puzzle piece, id don’t want to fall so hard again to end up putting the shattered pieces of my soul back together once more
I want to be able to jump and fly
Not fall and cry
It’s much easier said than done, as are many things
There are no promises, no real guarantees
But every once in a good while you got to jump into the unknown
The thought of her smiling gave me faith
From when we were little we bathe
My mother and her mother is best friends
They both took care of us and gifts they send
We pulled each others hair
And she was always quick to dare
When I smiled at her she knew it was no good
She learned to pull me up and she understood
I just wanted her attention and that she gave
She knew it in her heart love was my slave
From when we were a child with full of energy I had my way
She was the one who was my guide and she did not push me away
When I saw her cry one day and her eyes was so sad
I gave her a flower and I smiled at her and made her glad
When some one special leaves her heart
I sat by her and never wanted to depart
She is the love of my life always
She is the one who gave me my hope through out my days
So I gave her my heart and love from within
And I did not make it thin
I stood by her side since I was a child
I gave her my support when we were wild
She knew who I was and I let her go the distance
I did not hate her or give her resistance
My mother and her mother are great friends and their virtue will never end
Because of their love they both trusted us to live our ways to transcend
So my childhood friend was my best friend, and now my wife
She new it from the start that we part of each others life
Isnt it wild?
Just thinking about the people in your life
Some are your closest family members who have known you and loved you your while life
And then you have the others that have come into your life by being introduced by people you know
Some of them you may have met just striking up a conversation in the store
Or maybe you may have forgotten how u even met but they’ve made you see things differently;
Giving you a new perspective in a way you never knew possible
And then you start to wonder what would’ve happened if you passed them by
Never said hello
Never formed that relationship
It is said that timing is of the essence and I couldn’t agree more
It’s wild to think that just a few seconds could mean everything
The day I heard I had HIV
The letter from the health department read like this in so many words: “Your lifestyle has caught up with you and you have been a naughty girl. You have contracted something possibly, but we wanna make sure it?s positively HIV.”
Now, it didn't mention those 4 capital letters (AIDS), knowing that was the only test I took, didn?t make it better. So I called the number and made the appointment, now reflecting on all the days of my enjoyment, considering I am only 23, with plenty of life ahead of me, and yes I have BIG dreams.”
Two days from now comes the answer to “it”, do I or do I not have is the question, I reminisce on all the days I was promiscuous and WOW, I hadn?t realized how reckless I had been not listening to the words of the wise.
The day has come and in the office I begin to pray “Dear God, please forgive my sins I didn?t know what I was doing.” My heart begins the beat of fear; the butterflies have come out of their cocoons, floating in my belly as I enter the room.
The counselor comes in with her paper and pen, I try to see her facial expression, but there is none. “Well young lady your test came back positive, so according to the CDC that means you have HIV, but don?t give up hope you can still live your life, just not as carefree as you may wanna be.”
She broke everything down and gave me some literature to read. My next steps were to see a doctor for more testing and locate the one who infected me, a task I focus on fearfully.
I get out my old black books and cry as I sit on my bed, here I am 23, HIV positive and scared. WHY! I scream this is just a dream, but the pinch didn?t wake me, just bruised me. I?m dying because my ignorance has overcome me.
After 2 weeks of calls and threats on my head, the clinic calls I thought to check on my progress, only to find out my paperwork was mis-interpreted and my test was really negative. She called to apologize for the mistake, but I was already on my knees thanking God for his mercy and grace, and another chance; I realized then to become abstinent because having unprotected sex is a deadly game to play.
S T A G N A T E D
A snake chill suddenly crawl in his spine when he heard her words. Icy sweats ran to his brows. He was astound! Tongue-tied. How else could he have reacted? It was definitely not an issue to take so lightly. He couldn't just laugh about it...
"Hey!!!", the tap on his shoulder awaken his flying thoughts, "Did you hear me?", she asked him. "Uh... Oh yes of course", he stuttered. "So? What now?", she said.
He pocketed his hands and started walking away. He was expecting her to nag but this time no, all she did is to calmly bid him good bye and headed to school as for him, slowly he is digesting and digesting her revelation. He was terribly unprepared. Yes... he loves her much. He even thinks she's the one but not this time for he isn't yet ready to give-up his life but--- what life?
WHAT LIFE?! He asked himself and thought his weekends, over-drinking booze til he drops dead. Puffing like a chimney and listening to music and dance with every girl he met.
"oh yes! Yeah, that is life..." He replied to himself. He is a free spirit; he has been since he stopped entering school for what the heck! He has his hard-working parents to support him..."What the hell happened?!", he asked, telling down to his pant's zipper: "How could we have this one slip?"
"Abort it?!", she stared at him composed and breathe: "Are you sure?"
"It's for the best Tisha", he said without remorse. He grabbed her hands and hugged her tight saying: "let's just enjoy being us without thinking of any responsibility around".
Tisha looking to the ground decided: "I guess that's how it's gonna be... so okay." They agreed to abort the unborn on it's second month.
Before that day came, he continued his own routine as if no abortion will about to happen. He spent everyday gallivanting, filling his stomach with alcohol and his lungs he feeds with nicotine. His weekend nights spent with various girls even if this the reason of their fights.
The day finally came. Standing on the sidewalk, he was awaiting for Tisha who was forty minutes late. After being soaked under the sun, she showed up. He grin at her while she was still meters far. She smiled back while saying: "I decided to keep it."
"Wha---? Tisha, are you crazt?!" he barked, "how will we -- I mean, how will I --?"
"I didn't say 'we' will keep it, Baron!", she cut him off. "It's just me"
Baron gave out a sarcastic smile, "What? You're breaking up with me?", his voice shaky. "why?", he asked holding her shoulders while looking intently at her.
"Tisha, you know I love you.. When this is all over, it'll be like on the old days again. We'll be happy and free, doing everything we want.", he begs like a dog pleading to his master to stay. She avoided his eyes and shrugged his hands off her shoulders.
"then what?!", she screamed to "do it all over again, get myself pregnant again? Have the baby aborted--AGAIN? I'm sick of this Baron.. Sick of us.. Look at me I'm changing but you ?! You choose to stay the way you are: irresponsible and insensitive!!! It's getting stagnated for us. Baron!
She turned away and yelled: "I'm going for my future Baron with this child and you are not forced to come. It's over Baron.", then she left.
He was left alone, dumbfounded...
9:40 pm . July 01, 2015
THE GIRLFRIEND OF MY FRIEND
Saturday noon I drove my car to her house.
Seeing the doors open my eyebrows were all aroused.
I began to curse Jai who told me
“Samit look after my girlfriend while I’m out of town”
Damn it! Now all my weekend plan are drown.
I saw the first sight of Natasha.
She was sitting on her sofa with her legs crossed.
And a pretty little mole near the thigh exposed
Her skin was like a cream from orchids of Vanilla.
Lips that can drive madness spree in any fella.
“Hello there! When did u arrive?” mouthed she.
“Come down and help me with my sandal” asked she.
I took her softish feet in my crude hands
And haul them inside the sandal where they melt.
“Let’s go”, she stood up and said in a shot.
I followed her to my car with her range goddamn hot.
I stopped the car at the Curries restaurant.
But her thoughts in my mind still drew.
With the getting to know chit chat, yea, oh, hmm…
I thought I’m getting her bored.
She’s a kind of girl who let me down as I feel fool.
With the cool girl as that I wish I had tricks bag full.
Dropping her late night I asked if she had the good time.
With eyes looking at sandal she said that made me wakeup,
“Your friend shows he has move on after the breakup
But still didn’t forget to send the gift on my special day
Give my thanks and say the sandals are not my size”
She muttered after a teardrop rolled from her eyes.
So I’m texting you Jai…not to make her shoe size settle
But urging you to go back to make her every day SPECIAL.
-By Kunal Rathod
(Canticles/The Song of Solomon / 2 Tim. 3: 16* / Ps. 33: 5
Ps. 37: 28 / Ps. 97: 10 / 2 Chron. 20: 7 / Isa. 54: 5
Deut. 7: 8 / Gen. 1: 1 / John 1: 1, 14, 18 / Ps. 83: 18)
May Liquid Lava Drip and Pool
From This Pen Tonight
As This Lover’s Letter I Have Longed
To Express To You and Write
May Lightning Rods Fuse On These Pages
To Enlighten and Ignite
Words, That Are As Clear As Bells
… as Clear As Black and White
… and Impart Good News
That Encourage and Excite
And Enthuse You With Joy
Like Wind Thru Tree Leaves Incite
And Bring Forth Your Smile
That Resembles Starry Sights
As I Reply and Verify
That All Will Be Alright
For Love Proceeds and Aligns
Just Like A Butterfly Alights …
So Like Blossoms Spread
On Silken Sheets Invite
May This Letter Convey
My Emotions Intense-Felt Might
And Reach You By Moon
Or On The Morrow’s Dawn Light
This Letter Being Sent
With All Hopes Bright
With The Eagerness of Swift Eagles
Focused In-Flight …
While At Present, Being Apart –
To You Seems Not So Clear
And Yes, A Generation of Youth
Ages In A Few Spent Years
But A Generation of Love
Will Not Disappear
For Our Love Will Generate
Power Strong and Secure
(Luke 21: 31, 32*, 33)
For Even Away … In Our Hearts
We Are Ever Near
And For Each Written Word
I Whisper For You To Hear …
For I Want You To Know
I Hold You Cherished, Dear
And I Will Not Forget You …
So Have No Fear …
Have No Fear … For There Is Not
Even To Compare Another
Our Bond Is Unique Like Fingerprints
& Snowflakes, Ocean Waves & Thunders
This, I Speak In Truth To You …
For I Am Your One-True-Lover
So Any Doubts, Lack of Faith
Or Infidelity – Please Smother
While We Are Absent …
One From The Other
(Gen. 31: 49)
There Is A War Raging On
Outside of Your Protected Walls
There Is A Battle Being Fought
Outside of Your Castle’s Halls
So I Need You To Be Brave
I Need You To Stand Tall …
For I Will Return For You
Victorious and All …
And There Is No Chance of Failure
To Make Me Slip-Away or Stall
With This Letter I Want You To Feel
Assured and Also My Touch
… Feel It Like A Soft Breeze
Raindrops, Sunshine and Such
For Our Intimacy Is A Purity
and No Need To Blush
We’ve Shared Secrets and Sacred Events
and Significant Times So Much
We’ve Even Shared Thru Sorrows
… and Neither of Us Gave Up …
And I Can Barely Wait To See You;
To Be Close As Face To Face
and Look Into Your Watchful Eyes
That So Beautifully Gaze
… and To Lift You Gently Up
Like A Black Swan Being Raised
(The Song of Solomon 1: 5)
(Part 1 of 4)
Summoned into the office
after years of daily labor
to hear something about something
of the new management personnel
"it's nothing personal" he heard,
"it's just, you know - business."
So the man, picked up his
second amendment right, and
gave his commercial opinion and,
a small caliber thought in his head.
"nothing personal boss man,
it's just recapitalized business" he said,
"and this is my arbitrated concession",
and turned and went to meet his new fate.
© Goode Guy 2013-07-09
Last night, I stared out of the bedroom window
As I did, a few long years ago
I saw the fading image of a lost sad man
Wandering frantically in a twisted limbo
Subtlety I asked “why was he in such a chaotic state”
He looked at me with anger and said “Blame me…
Blame me for my dismal fate”
Blame you for what sir?
Blame me for not having the courage to make timely decisions and the right choices
Blame me for not trusting and following my own judgments, instead of submitting to outside
Blame me for being too passive when aggression was warranted and truly needed
Blame me for losing my self-confidence, my self-esteem and self-respect when my goals
Blame me for cracking and breaking under my peers and family’s high expectations
Blame me for setting my goals too high -- after all, they were only my dreams and
Blame me for fathering a beautiful little girl without the strings of wedlock
Hell blame me for believing she was actually mine, when most likely she’s probably not
Blame me for marrying a woman who surrendered her heart and love to another man
Blame me for loving her regardless and gracefully accepting her with our relationship as it
Blame me for starting a family with her knowing of her traitorous deceit
Now cast stones at me for tolerating her ongoing hatred of my oldest seed
Blame me for not leaving such an unhealthy and toxic relationship
Instead, blame me for being infidel and searching elsewhere for love and companionship
Blame me for apologizing continuously, trying to work on it and make things better
Then blame me for discovering her viperous secret, the affair never ended, they were
always still together
So now blame me for wanting to know and experience the fruits of a true relationship and
what it could possibly be
Finally, blame me for discontinuing the games; I am tired, my heart hurts and I am now and
I looked with pity as his eyes mirrored that of my own
We raised our hands simultaneously and he spoke again in a confident and stern tone
“Blame me young man for what you have heard and now experienced
Blame me for the one shot at love you lost due to my continued interference
Blame me for all of the things that causes you self-pity and personal anger
But blame yourself young one, should you allow it to continue and become your permanent
Written for Grace Keithley-Lee to express her thoughts on a particular matter
THOUGHTS ON THE MATTER
I want to express my thoughts
On this matter at hand
A matter concerning
A relationship of a good man
Though it’s not my business
To interfere or say what’s what
He happens to be my brother
I feel his pain down in my gut
The relationship started off
With so much love flowing
They were the perfect couple
And all could see them glowing
Their happiness was an example
That inspired me all the time
To know that a good relationship
I certainly would also be able to find
I did find my true love
About three years ago
At that time their love
Was still perfectly so
I really don’t know
Where it all went wrong
A seemingly perfect love
Now ending and saying so long
It really matters not why
Or what the reasons may be
We should wish them the best
In both their separate journeys
Sure everyone has their sides
To the story as it now goes
It is really just between them
Their feelings no one knows
We should not speculate
Of who did what or would
Or even dig around for the dirt
We should only remember the good
There is good and bad in everything
That’s one thing we all know is true
They both need our support because
Breaking up is hard enough to do
There is no need in degrading
To either one or the other
The cruelty of the words
Are painful to my brother
Just need to come to an end
Even if both are good people
We can still lose a good friend
Things were said in a hurtful way
And were not really necessary
Now I’ve also lost a close friend
And that really does hurt to me
Just a note now that it is over
It was her choice to walk away
I choose to remember the good
No matter what any others say
I ask all of you to please
Let them handle it, if you will
With moving ahead in their futures
Letting their hearts to begin to heal
Florence McMillian (Flo)
The room was alive with colour, dancing rainbows swirling under the glowing golden chandelier.
Laughter filled the air, no one noticed the young girl tending to a single tear.
The warmth of the room was not felt upon her pale skin, she felt only the harsh frost of her fathers love.
The white ivory keys from the piano played, with each striking note she once again felt her fathers riding glove.
Whilst lost in her thoughts, soul searching upon an empty river bed that dried up seasons ago.
Her fiancé walks over to her and reaches out his hand, an offer to dance was all he could do to ease this young girls woe.
He was not a bad man as his bank glowed with gold, his heart was warm and kind much like that of her late mother.
Alas for these kind qualities could not change the fact, her heart had fallen for another.
They twirled and danced, clapped and smiled her ears were filled with music and laughter.
But beneath it all was pain and confusion, her mind was filled with the spiteful words of her father.
Earlier that day he had tried to beat sense into her, she was to marry a decent man and that was final.
With a loving blow only a father could give, he believed that her desires of sharing a bed with another woman was alterable.
They both knew that his attempts were in vain, she had been like this for years and nothing would change.
Her father had always despised her, the daughter he believed to be strange.
No one would know that tonight's dance would be her last, that her life would be cut short upon the morrow.
Her death much like her mother, suicide or murder one would never know.
But until that moment comes her father stands silent and alone, holding a crimson glass of his favourite Bordeaux.
In the corner of the ballroom he watches her with a stern look, his face cast in shadow by the golden chandeliers glow.