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Narrative Pain Poems | Narrative Poems About Pain

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Details | Narrative | |

New Road

In a new road,
Rain will fall,
Wind may blow,
Swifting our woe.

The road forever on and on,
Many paths to choose,
Many paths to take,
Home behind,
World ahead...

Through the shadows,
Through the night,
Clouds going by,
There we will lie,
Very deep,
Seeing shivered land,
Seeing the dead seas...

Through the edge,
Miles to go,
Singing by,
Darkness rising,
Vanishing light,
Hollow flourishing,
Going by,
World ahead,
Home behind...

Rain may fall,
Through the nightfall,
Through the twilight,
Through the dusk,
Through the dawn,
Beyond mountains,
Beyond stones,
Standing strong,
Wandering lost,
World ahead,
Home behing,
Paths on and on,
'Till the road comes along...


Details | Narrative | |

I'll cry tomorrow

Sitting dying alone,
In this dark and dingy place 
It has now become my home..
The only open bar 
In town, I needed something to heal my broken heart
I'm on my 8th round, Going on Nine now!

Swaying on this broken bar stool
As the bartender shouts 
his “last call”, As I'm looking down
and this shuffled ground
As I try a re step my footsteps home
Walking them back In my head
But I'm a stumbling mess

My heart feels like shattering glass
I'm slowly breaking,
Sink-in, Drown-in in the dark-nest
I'm Gasp-in, For breath, Each one Hard-er
than the next!
While the whole world around me are breathing
Fine, I'm falling back into the abyss, 
Broken heart-ed 
This vodka has cut my skin so deep
This broken glass with it's hard edges
Digging, Silting into me
Tho some of my pain was self inflicting 
My heart's beat, is barely beating
That's why I'm drinking
This gin 
Now swallowed, why cant I
swallow my pride With
Dignity, I'm openly seeking darkness 
I'm sorry farther “For I have sinned”
Those sin's I've harbored
Now my hollowed soul's giving In
To that darkness....

My body trembling ,The outcome's looking bleak
I've become so weak
Shaking knees, I can barely stand up
My eye's become teary 
They say its this alcohol that's depressing me
But it's soon becoming my dependency
I'm finding hard to leave it be, I'm hooked....
...To a drip, Anything so I can get my fix
It’s another chapter I've my book
That''s needs to be ripped, Apart
Because I'm hiding be-hide a mask
My face is smiling but inside my heart is scared..

I'm writing this at night 
I'm tired... but my mind's racing fast
while my eyes are wide shut
I'm Trying to sleep..but my mind's
Not giving up..whilst
I'm lying on my friends sofa
I'm unable to get up
Morning rises but I'm slowly dying..

I'm hung over
Pondering on my life and wondering
what it would be like being sober
How can I achieve anything in life
When my only motivation is getting high
And the other half of the time
I'm crying inside 
Too depressed to write
But I wipe my tears 
But I'm still here, On my bar stool from 9 to 5!

The same broken record playing
Saying “I'm going to quit” But I'm not facing
My problems to begin with, I need a Fixative
I'm not telling myself I got a problem to be able to fix it!
Sitting here, Ripping the label off this toxic beer, bottle
I can't look at look at this mirror and face him!
Face it you hit rock bottom...
I cant believe what I have become
I wake up drunk
Where will I end up?
As I look along, A sedimentary I come a pone, A grave with my name above...

As the bar door's are now closing
My heart's ripped open Soaking
In pure emotion
Bartender “Give me two more shots”
And ill mend my way's
Not before a quick pit stop 
To get more drink from this shop
Because I'm getting sick of these sad song's that play
From the broken jukebox!
Or this it me?
And my pain that's eternal bleeding
Thinking that every sad song is talking to me?
I'm leaving.. 

Because I'm lonely
I wonder if anyone get's me?
The feeling of looking back hopelessly
At the bottom of the vodka bottle
Describing my feelings of feeling empty!
I've been here before so it can't be rock bottom

The only thing I adore 
Is my trusty red Pen that's my Savior 
It's a metaphor...it's my blood, That's in its ink
When it hit's the paper
It's that pain, I'm writing with!
Because that inspiration's bleeds through my veins
Just for me to scribble to words on this page
Just so I can throw them away!
Because I think anything I ever do 
Is not good enough for you..
Maybe I should do, More before I get taken away
Maybe if that ambulance had been late
I wouldn't been standing here today
But I still cant make that change

Because My vision, Impaired by the flashing lights 
Of that ambulance
So If I die, today 
At least they couldn't say 
He was just an addict
Who abused his talent...

But I'm still here I tried To drown My 
Sorrow
But I'm Drowning In tear's That I'll cry 
tomorrow!


Details | Narrative | |

Sorrow

She sits alone 
She draws her knees up to her shoulders, hugging them tightly
She shivers in the icy wind 
Her teeth chatter and the stream of tears from her eyes, sting her cheeks 
As she lifts her head towards the heavens, 
Her eyes burn with pain and her piercing scream, barely human, expresses her Excruciating 
suffering and anguish

She is gripped by immense sorrow, the most powerful and destructive emotion
It roughly envelopes her, throwing her into a pit of darkness, filled with evil shadows
The shadows claw at her, ripping into her flesh like daggers
She shakes violently, tasting blood as she bites down hard on her bottom lip
But she feels no pain, her body is numb, numbed by the demons of sorrow, who, 
Are slowly overpowering her, devouring her heart 
And locking her in an eternal web of pain

She is engulfed by fear as the intense sorrow surrounding her, compresses her
She gasps for air as the merciless hands of sorrow close around her throat
She fights in her lonely vacuum, with everything she has
She reaches for her only comfort, her fingers coil around the blade
As she stretches her arms out in front of her, her void eyes gaze upon her pale skin
Her skin is etched with scars
Her scars an eternal, entwined, tattoo of her excruciating suffering
As she runs the jagged blade over her skin, its cold feel calms her
The compressing sorrow surrenders
This is her saviour, the one who can release her from this life of pure hell
Her skin begins to open, the river of blood flowing strong
Her pain is flung into the open, through her wounds, 
Leaving a sense of tranquility in her distraught heart

Her red stained fingertips caress her raw wounds
She is mesmorised by the life force flowing from her, as it paints 
Her tragic story on her body
Painful tears bleed from her eyes as regret shudders through her
She rocks backwards and forwards, lulling herself into a sense of peace
Her body is drained
As she lies back she becomes limp
Her eyes close and her whispered prayers fill the open air,
Creating the painful melody her heart sings
As she slips away

Thunder roars and the starry heavens open 
As God’s tears rain over His beloved daughter, 
Healing her wounds and piecing her broken soul back together
As the sun rises above her, 
It illuminates her peaceful expression
Her earthly father collapses besides her
His silent tears wash over her beautiful, pale face
As he lifts his dead child in his arms, 
Vicious sorrow rips his heart apart, 
Creating wounds which will never heal


Details | Narrative | |

The Empty Tissue Box

My heart was in such pain
I felt like I was going to go insane
I just don't know what to do 
And my eyes full of tears that distort my view

I fell to my knees and felt the urge
My muscle tighten and pin needles struck me like a surge
My body was warm and with feelings so confused
My mind felt sadness had fused

I could not conquer my fears
I just sat down and fell into tears
When some close to you passes on
It felt like a warmth has gone

So I raised my hand towards a box that was empty with no tissue
I first was embarrass and had a little bit of issue
All my friends hugged me and said sorry for your loss
So now I cry in my bed and toss


April 14, 2013


Details | Narrative | |

DEMONS ALSO CRY

DEMONS ALSO CRY

Beyond the crave for death
All I sought was first,
Weep-not my newborn soul
Where fireflies shine lighter than the lamps
And fishes swam faster than their homes
Like  trampled troubled tramps,
Then, demons also cry.

Groans and moans of pain,
Down they roam like rain
Memories sparked with flashes of feisty flare
For all that is left is nothing but darkness
Piercing the thread of our bond
That even angels dare not dare
Then, demons also cry

Here, days brimmed with sadness
To miscarriage of nights darkness
That even birds glide backward
And when asked why, we say, its nature to nurture
Conscience lye frozen in muss, has God punished us?
Que sera, sera and all go wayward,
Then, demons are also crying
						By Tutuola michael


Details | Narrative | |

Call Me Gonzo

For thoose of you who may not know.
Just call me gonzo I write the absurd for life is insane and sometimes 
it takes a madman to speak the truth so very clear.

I write for the broken vacant faces that have lost all hope.
To the dreamer who's well is slowley running dry from everyone
telling him to stop wasting his time.

I write like a endless highway fueled by whiskey and wild women 
every adventure leads to pain but life is pain and i love in spite of it.

I thirst for every unseen mile the desert my brother it's people dwell
in the spirt of the west the opium parlors and brothels spirt still linger.
I write with a hint of danger and a promise of disaster.

Im a blues player whos trying to out run the devil.
Im a outlaw riding to cross the border a woman looking to the 
empty range for my return.

I write because I breath in a world were the creative air has gone 
stale.
The bottle sits apon table and I welcome any strangers company
I just rather that stranger be a warm woman instead of a 
unfriendly amigo who is a little jelouse.

Write to be more than just part of the highways landscape.
Some may call me crude crazy insane some even vulgar and 
liar and thief.
But aside from thoose compliments.
No matter what you may call me.
Dont ever forget to just call me gonzo.


Details | Narrative | |

Her name is Lovely part 1

Date: 12/31/1787
Ding dong, ding dong, sounds the door-bell
She wakes up; open her window the sun is raising
Knock, knock, some one is at the door
She rushes to the door thinking is the mailman 
She is expecting a love letter from Iraq
She finally answer the door but stead of the mail man is an officer from the army, he is
well dress and carries a small box with him and inside of the box is an American flag with
three different medals.
One medal is for being a soldier of the US Army, the second medal is for being a national
hero, and the third one, is a medal of honor for dying for his country.
She goes crazy crying out for help, screaming all out that she was expecting a baby.
“I’m really sorry” the officer says
“If there anything I could do please call me” he reached his wallet and pulled out a
business card and gave it to her.
“He was a brave man” he said
The officer turned around and left the house with out hesitation.
Poor girl was drowning in her own tears; she still didn’t believe what just happen 
“Lord please help me”, “help me go through this horrible pain” she cries out.
She goes back to the bed and tries to sleep it off, but it didn’t work out, the pain was
too much just to act like nothing didn’t happen.
She finally falls as sleep after several hours of crying painfully.
She tosses and turns all night long, sweating like crazy with massive pain on her chest 
While she was having a horrible nightmare; dreaming about the death of her husband-


Details | Narrative | |

Let the Shepherd Lead

   

When I am lost and all alone,
   It’s then I turn to the Shepherd to guide me home.
When my heart gets bitter and full of doubt,
   I surrender my problems to Jesus, He seems to always work them out.
 I have been a victim of my own foolish pride,
    Not trusting in Jesus to be my guide.
Many times I have stumbled and many times I have fell,
    But that’s the good part of this story I tell.
For no matter how low in life we manage to sink,
    It’s Jesus who will always bring you back from the brink.
We are like sheep we all go astray,
    That is why we need our Shepherd to show us the way.
Jesus was the one who died for our sins so long ago,
     Redemption is ours if we ask don’t you know?
Without Jesus in our lives we would have no hope,
     And no chance for salvation or a reason to cope.
Imagine the pain He suffered that day,
     Picture it in your mind how He died such a tragic way.
Body racked with pain and longing for the death that seemed so slow,
     And being able to forgive those who did these things would have been hard for me,
don’t you know?
As I grow older in life there are things I tend to learn,
     Like the most valuable possessions you cannot buy you have to earn.
Love, respect, and friendship are a treasured gift,
     To have and to share will give you a blessed lift.
     


Details | Narrative | |

Just for Me

In the past I remember how things were so simple
When I was little my cheeks had such cute dimples
Looking back I remember how sweet I was as a child
When I think again my heart told me I was so wild
Yet, in time my simple choices was revealed as true as anyone
The reason I was the way I am today, I did things, to get done
Finishing lots of my undone ideas was so incredibly hard
So I figure my heart and choices should never hold in no bard
I never thought I would learn heart aches and pain
With such under statement I did things for no gain
I was a child who held true to what he has learned
But as we got older those kinda perspective would get me burned
When I made up my mind that people was not kind
I led myself in a confusion that I was blind
In the past I do recall that seeing is believing
So I was the one who stood their with friends leaving
Alone, I felt I did not belong, I cherish each person who knew me
I got older too see how the world works it stung me like a bee
The feeling of tingling ran through my vain
My view of the world and people who knew me was stained
Now I know they are out for their selves with no kind feelings
Life I know is just a joke because of who I hung out with seeing
Today as I look at the world it is in such shambles and astray
And rather fallow everyone I just walk away


Details | Narrative | |

Me, Myself, and I - (Part 1)

Hello Friends... I suffer from Severe Bi-Polar Disorder and this submission was inspired by 
actual events that occured during one of my especially critical manic episodes. Be sure and 
read Part 2 to complete the poem and leave your comments on the Part 2 submission. Thank 
you for allowing me to share my pain for pain shared is pain diminished 


Me, Myself, and I...


“There are things that concern us,”
		Consensed my “Selves” in earnest
““We” fear that “I” have succumbed to delusion”

“And after careful deliberation
		It is with much hesitation
That we choose to delineate upon this confusion”


“Fact is your intuition
		Is riddled with superstition
And your judgment leaves much to be desired”

“So you leave us no recourse
		Don’t push us to use force”
It is then that the “I” was summarily fired


I exclaimed “By whose authority?” Response, “Rule of majority”
“The “Myself” and the “Me,” (forthwith the “We”), are experts in our field”

“And with much technique and time
		And some forays into the sublime
The nature of your malady will be revealed”


“So to keep yourself from having a fit
		Step back and just calm down a bit”
“We,” they said, “certainly have this under control”

“We swear this won’t hurt at all”
		Then I felt my inhibitions fall
Still I said a prayer to God that He keep my soul


You know, fact is I do feel off axis
		As evidenced by such parapraxis
As this prose that I, (or is it “Us”), seek to pen

And with my mind feeling numb
		I finally chose to succumb
And allow the “Me” and the “Myself” to begin


And then came questions in a flurry
		Answer, answer and please do hurry
Not one moment of respite did they give

They pushed and they prodded
		With every “T” crossed and “I” dotted
My mind felt like it had gone through a sieve


And all this psycho-analysis
		Is causing my mind paralysis
The questions, can you stop with the questions please

“Yes, oh yes indeed
		I do believe we have what we need
To make an attempt to identify your unknown neuroses”


Details | Narrative | |

The Student

Buzz, Buzz,
still tiered eyes open,
She walks down stairs, packs up, and gets on the bus,
She stares out the window wishing to spend the day there and not at a desk.
7 FULL HOURS of of unempathetic teachers,
they give her 6 more hours of school work to do at home.
No one cares!

The homework starts on the bus and she's lucky to have it done by 10PM. 
Finely, she gets to go to bed,
But all she does is stare at the sealing with the overhanging stress of the work she didn't finish combined with the work her unrelenting teachers will give her tomorrow.

It happens each day,  
It's beyond her control,
she tells teachers and friends but they spit in her face telling her they don't care.
It won't change.

Luckily, she has her head on strait,
and while she trudges through the mud she stays strong,
knowing that everything is going to work out.
So she tells herself just wait.


Details | Narrative | |

Me, Myself, and I - (Part 2)

Hello Friends... I suffer from Severe Bi-Polar Disorder and this submission was inspired by 
actual events that occured during one of my especially critical manic episodes. Be sure and 
read Part 1 first so as to get the true gist of the poem and leave your comments here on the 
Part 2 submission. Thank you for allowing me to share my pain for pain shared is pain 
diminished.


Me, Myself, and I... (continued)


“Your, (Or “Our”), symptoms seem to intermit
		And the fact that “You’re,” (“We’re”), a hypocrite
Tis no wonder we’re having such problems with diagnosis”

Then “I” had an idea so grand
		To dispense with this at my own hand
A self-inflicted coup de grace would be my prognosis


So while the “Me” and the “Myself” squabbled
		With courage newly cobbled
“I” spotted the dresser drawer and made my run

With fingers fiercely fumbling
		Whilst they continued grumbling
“I” produced from the depths of the drawer a shiny gun


And now my life, though ill-fated
		Was soon to be vindicated
This would affect us all equally the same

Would be no myself or me
		No you, him, us, or we
But an inclusive all would be to blame


It took me a moment to figure
		Out the safety on the trigger
Then “I,” (or “Us”), prepared to do the dirty deed

Then the barrel found my temple
		And as it settled into the dimple
A still small voice did my “selves” choose to heed


Hence a moment of clarity 
		Harkened me to posterity
And I thought what a legacy to leave behind

“Can’t we all find a way
		To save this miserable day
And avoid a broken body for someone to find”


And then deep within my soul
		I felt and heard a simple drum roll
And the differing sides of me just subsided

And with my mind now as one
		I worked to get this all undone
The whole business of this stuff I derided


And tis now true of fact
		That I survived this ordeal intact
And lived to raise my face unto the sky
 
And here now as it ends
		I find I’ve made good friends
With the “Me”, the “Myself,” and the “I”


Thank you for taking the time to share in my poetry. Please feel free to leave your thoughts 
or comments here on this page. 

J. Scott Burns...


Details | Narrative | |

A REPLY TO AN EPISTLE OF AN EMOTIONAL FEELINGS

I hate it when they thought I thought,
I feel pain for portraying a clean portrait,
Life is like a tray,share your cake to invited guest,
Painted pictures envisage the true figure.
Lights in the day even when darkness rule in dawn as a don,
Night of day my  sincerity is torn like a used toilet worker-
-surrendering to dirty papers.
Fear is a mastermind if you are so  scared,
Men are killers stricks when you lean on their steps,
God is a faithful father in his care I lie on.
If I prefer a chain of gold ,
Doesn't mean I like pearls.
If I'm a glittering diamond,
I was once elusive though.
Slowly I frozed at this tone,
I knew better than I taught,
I thought better than I taught,
No love as they thought.
Lovely pain beyond imaginations,
Sequence of life record play,
Standing alone is my man of my own,
Stressing the noon day,
Has reward in the hazy time.
Take me wrong I feel calm.
At times an affectionate love can be weird,
Crazy out of reality but more fantasy I hear,
Cheers to my pain of reality,
My chains of the shady truth,
To the infirmity of the day of JOY....


Details | Narrative | |

A Soul Awakened

The warm light calls me
And all the people who cries for thee
I raise my hand in this abyss
Only to make one wish
To float among the others
With all my sisters and brothers
I call out for forgiveness with passion
I take their pain into myself for this occasion
The moment that I see the sky
I will not look back and cry
My body is laying still
People standing by it with a chill
The air gets dense with sadness
I would not think of it less
Some people look up and down
To see the light hit the ground
Some can vision the uplifting feeling they see
One soul that has been and always be
It is special to notice such aberration 
And that might be how souls are awaken


Details | Narrative | |

When

It was only supposed to last a little while. 
The pain I suffered was temporary. 
You promised you would fix it. 
Oh and fix me you did.

I hate you for what I have become.
Tired. Lazy unable to work. 
You created this monster of pain
Inside my head. 
It never goes away.

But you were the lucky soul. 
Your death was quick and painless.
Leaving behind those who mourn.
But I am not one of them. 
I wish you all that you deserve.

I have something now that I cannot change.
This damage to nerves, and numbness and pain.
My life has become a struggle. 
I compete with pain each day.
Sometimes I lose. Occasionally I win

It never leaves this pain you made. 
I wonder how many more.
You destroyed like me.
So powerful being a surgeon. 
To hold someone's life in your hands.

sickness, depression, anger


Details | Narrative | |

The Woes Of Trust

An angel formed from 
lake of purity,a gift to 
mankind-illuminating 
darkest parts of hearts.
A chaste damsel,
untouched rose from the 
garden of the elves.

Sent to earth,made an 
abode in a gentleman's 
heart,whom she 
cherished and loved.

As time travelled,another 
fella whom she trusted 
lured her to un-saintly act
Her pride laid on altar of 
dishonor and infidelity.
Her life she almost 
snuffed,she feared the 
love of her true love 
would be lost. Alas! bond 
of love is indivisible.

Shattered,with a broken 
spirit she tries to mend 
the pieces....on the 
shoulder of her lover she 
leans,hoping to soothe 
her bruised heart.



Note:
A true story,a close 
pretty lady friend of mine 
was raped by her family 
friend yesterday...who 
called her and told her 
his mum was very sick.
She called me and 
confided in me .
Don't know whether to 
encourage her to call the 
police.


Details | Narrative | |

In memory of Bob

In memory of Bob
A true story.

It was in spring of two thousand when I first saw Bob. I’d just started working at Perth Dental hospital, and in fact it was my first day there. I walked up to the front door of this building, but it wasn’t yet opened. So I turned around and went to sit in the bus shelter which was just outside the building. As I went to sit down I noted a dark skinned gentleman sitting there with a happy, benign look on his face. He was about five feet eight give or take a little, and he was rather a thickset man who looked like he’d done his fair share of hard work in his sixty years or more.

     There was something about this Gentleman that I could not quite put my finger on. He had a certain charisma about him; not the phony kind of charisma that one seen in the car salesman or the philanderer who messes with women’s heads, no, Bob had a kind of friendly smile for everyone that he met, and he seemed to draw people into him with his love, and gigantic heart. I knew as soon as I met him that Bob was most definitely for me.

      As Bob looked at me and smiled, the whole world seemed to open up. He said “Ow ya  going mate” in a loud ebullient manner, then we started to chat. Bob was like myself, a thinker, and straight away we started philosophizing about this, that, and the other, and it was like we had known each other forever. Then all of a sudden I found Bob talking about death, and the difference in the way the Maori people faced death, compared to the rather the silly way us white folk look at the subject with great fear in our hearts. Now this had always interested me, and  somehow it just seemed natural to talk to this Maori gentlemen on this subject, and we spoke about it till the doors opened and it was time to work.

      I don’t think anything happens just by chance, and I definitely have this feeling that Bob and I were meant to meet, and I really think this was a major destiny thing. I have found during the course of my life,  that as I am aging, I can feel something pushing me into a certain direction, and I always felt that Bob was part of all this; and I had much to learn from him. Although I have never believed in organized religion, and never followed one I have always felt deeply spiritual, and I have met many people who I learned from, and Bob was most definitely one of them with all his great wisdom and patience. As I came to know Bob, we had many dialogues together, on many subjects. Bob used to love music and could always have time to plonk away on his guitar. He used to come round to my place and we would play songs together, though both he and I were no Eric Clapton’s, I would bang around on my guitar and play the harp, while we would both take out turns at singing. We’d have a smoke or a beer or two, and we’d play songs all day long,  ahhh, I remember those days well, the memories are so strong.

     Bob was one hell of a man, I could tell that he had been a wild one in his youth,
But when I knew him in his sixties he was an icon of wisdom and virtue; he had a kind word for everyone, and gave all his time to anybody who needed him, always.
He used to hear me waffling on like an idiot, trying to make him like me [as I always did] but never once did he tell me how foolish I was, he would just smile knowingly at me. He used to stand there at the window for hours, just drinking in the trees, or the clouds in the sky, and yet he was so aware, I used to try to sneak up on him; it couldn’t be done. His awareness was incredible.

     Then one day Bob fell ill with terminal cancer, and he knew that he had very little time left on this Earth. He lay there sick for days in intolerable pain,  but you never heard one complaint from him, even when he only had days to live, he was still worrying about the welfare of others. When the day finally come for Bob to leave his shell; he was lying there in deep sleep, when all of a sudden he woke up, with a smile on his face. His children asked him ‘Dad, do you want some pain killers” Bob laughed, compassion written all over his face, and he said to them ‘Not one of you has a clue, have you’ and he died with a big smile on his face.

   His daughter got in touch with me, and told me about his death, and also told me that his last wish was to have me watch his soul leave his body. I felt very honored about this and went and sat with his body [as Maoris do]. I got the most peaceful feeling come to me [which I presume was his spirit leaving his body] as I watched his silent body, a Mari war stick and a beautiful rose lay across his chest. I still see it, and I feel blessed by it. He was my Maori warrior, and I adored the man.
 


Details | Narrative | |

Where Has my Little Girl Gone

He sits there and cries
Big tears fall from his eyes
“Why, oh why?”
He wrings his hands
and tries to understand
Why I'm curled up in bed
No words come to my head
There is no answer
Just emptiness
He whispers...
“Where has my little girl gone?”

You were the life of the party
Friendly and sweet
Everyone you’d greet
With a smile and hug
Now…..
You’re just curled up in bed
With eyes full of dread
Where….
Oh, where has my little girl gone?"

His princess, his dream
Youngest of his team
Unwilling to face life and live
She’s stuck in her bed
Wants to stay home instead
No answer
To the words hung in the space
Between him and his child
His heart's going wild
"Where has my little girl gone"

"She’s gone, daddy, gone...
Somewhere along
Seeing Mama die
Somewhere along
Wondering why
Somewhere along
Holding broken dreams
Somewhere along
Stifling her screams
Somewhere along
Broken heart night
Somewhere long
Losing the fight
Somewhere along
Nothing more to give 
Somewhere along
No will to live

That’s where, Daddy. That’s where your little girl’s gone"

Eileen Manassian Ghali


I called this a narrative because it actually happened last time dad came to visit me in Lebanon. We had this conversation in my bedroom, and it broke my heart that I've caused him so much pain. When he calls....he's quick to detect what spirits I'm in. He worries about me. I'm his baby....the little one of the family. Mom had me when she was 41....surprise surprise. After two boys, they really wanted a girl....Well, yes....I have changed...Yes...I was the life of the party. That old sparkle comes back now and again....Life can be difficult, and it wears you down if you let it. I adore my dad. His word was gospel when I was growing up. He was larger than life to me. We share a special bond....He is coming for Christmas....I'm so happy.


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My Story Telling Can You Trust Me

Gun fire all around, bombs going off in the distance
It was some of the angry mobs and resistance
Father was the king of SafeHaven a small kingdom
Like all other kingdoms it fell in random
Fire started in the castle
And along with it came a battle

It was a distance memory now because the child has now grew
Many things in this child that made memories stew
My name is Mastrey, a young orphan who was there that night
Mastrey saw her in the distance and her father and mother in his sight
Everyone was loud that night and made all the children hide
But that evening Mastrey saw her mother and father die

She ran into the bushes in such a fright
And evil doers were running around with flashlights
Mastrey remember it as he distracted them 
Her eyes was so confused with problems
Mastrey new that it was because of what just occurred
His feelings of what those people did was not awkward

The distraction worked, he went back to were she was
Hiding and very scared she was, he asked her, can you trust me just because?
Her answer that night depended on her lively hood
As Mastrey was their with his hand reaching out to her as he stood
Pulling her up from the ground he looked into her eyes that were SeaBlue
Mastrey had made a life long friend and love, She knew it was true

Next: My Story Telling,  Who is this Princess


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Physically and Mentally Abuse

I was born in a world of poverty and soiled life of a third world country
The way I lived till I was five years of age was walls of boundary
These walls had towers of guards that had no heart or care
If a child would try to climb the wall they lose their life I swear

Father had drank and threatened my mother with a knife
My father lost his job and wife and that was the hardship of life
He stopped my mother from taking off with me in her arm
Hoping that my father would ignore and left me be with no harm

When my father went off to drink one night and came home with rage
My brothers stood by my crib and took a beating that set up the next stage
My father had woken up to three scared children half starved and in pain
His final words as he walk away from the orphanage gate live life do not go insane

I was still a baby in the orphanage; the caretakers did not really care about the babies
They stole items and materials those wicked men and maternal evil ladies
They starved all the babies because it cost a lot to keep them alive
As a child of that age I could feel the sins and greed that gave out bad vibes

I was ignorant about what I drank and ate, as I see white maggots move in my bottle
As I see them move I thought about how they were playing and some were hostel
They ate each other to keep each other alive in a manner that took me by surprise
In the back round I hear others throwing things with sounds of painful cries

I got very strong at a young age I was able to start pulling myself up over the cage
My feelings were to see my brothers with strong lungs that I cried out of rage
My two brothers came to see me and sneak food into my crib
The caretaker would find the food in my hands as they grabbed it and hit me on my ribs

As painful as it was I kept eating the food with blood in my mouth as it was instinct
I sometimes laid in my crib dazed and confused with smell of death so distinct
With all my might I kept myself strong and climb the small wall
I finally was old enough to get out of the building and I could hear my brothers call

With tears of joy with short legs that ran as fast as my heart
I ran to my brothers arms and held their hands to have a new start
I grew stronger everyday but more things came into my life in a manner of dismay
If my brothers stay by my side I could smile and everyday their would be okay



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Burried Soul

Disgust, abhor and frown
has burried me deep down,
"Black Black", they call me so,
whenever they try to show me low!

If this is the world, where shall I go?
Has has my complexion brought me no friends but all foe?

With these burning eyes, I have seen,
how happy and pleased they have been,
when that white boy, joined their team;
their response to me was clean...
They threw me out right then,
tearing my heart apart; shattering my spleen!

Disgust, abhor and frown 
has burried me deep down,
"Black Black", they call me so,
to prove me worthless and low,
not only did they dismantle my feelings,
they also burried my soul...


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A letter from a Father to his Daughter

My dearest Cordellia, I miss you, so I thought I would send you a note
Telling you all that I have been going through and asking you to give me hope
I walk this dark and lonely road carrying all this pain
Wondering, were all these tears I have cried simply cried in vain
Using my heart and not my eyes to navigate the darkness in this place
The only thing that remains clear to me is the memory of your face
I have missed you since you have gone, I have to confront this on my own
Can not put into words this pain I feel it is something I have never known?
If it were not for all the love you poured into my heart
I would have no strength to keep myself from falling apart
You have left this life and have gone to where only the angels are permitted to soar
But the love I have for you has allowed me to open up another door
The love this father has for his daughter has consumed his very heart
And all these memories of you have allowed me to make a brand new start
Daddy’s little hiny, that was my name for you, because of your tiny baby butt
How you use to make me laugh, you were such a little nut
Cordellia Miriam, your name was as unique as you were
A piece of heaven on earth is what you were to me and that is for sure
I never knew that I was capable of feeling a love as strong as the love I felt for you
And now since you are gone I become confused at times for just what I should do
I could gain pleasure for hours just by sitting and watching you play
I would try to understand everything you had to say
So my sweet child I hope you can hear me when I speak to you each night
I hope that you are listening and I hope you understand my fight
This pain and love seem to be tearing each other apart, leaving me as a shell
I pray each night to God in hopes that you are doing well
I miss all the times you would run down the hall just to greet me
You would jump into my arms to give me a hug and tell me how much you missed me
Well my little one Daddy has to go for now but I shall certainly visit with you again
I will talk to you everyday until we shall meet again

The End
By Greg P


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Nigeria's Kidnapped Girls Outrage

Let me get this straight!
In Nigeria a maniac group of Muslim rat bastards
kidnap over two hundred young girls
and are selling them to sexual perverts
for the equivalent of twelve dollars each
and the whole damn world says: “Ho-Hum!”
Stop this old spinning planet earth
and let me get the hell off of it.
It’s obvious to me that the brain dead morons
among us have taken over the reins of power.


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An Inmates Dark Christmas

An Inmates Dark Christmas....
It was the first Christmas right after my momma passed away.
Any other Christmas I'd be making the best of the situation, but it was a very dark day!
It was a day I wanted to escape from, and nothing could distract my mind.
My body felt so numb, and the pain fed off of me being confined.

An Inmates Dark Christmas...
I laid on my bunk in a funk in that cold dark cell.
I was emotionally drunk, and that Christmas day was pure hell!
I pictured my momma in my minds eye, we were hanging decorations on the Christmas tree.
It was at that moment I wanted to die, for I just knew I would succomb to insanity!

An Inmates Dark Christmas...
That day I even contemplated suicide, for the pain and loneliness was just too much.
A bonified emotional homicide, for my momma I would never see or touch!
That Christmas I was a man with an empty shell, and a troubled soul.
A day of pure hell, and alone in that cell became my dark little hole.

An Inmates Dark Christmas...
I thought that day would never end, but then Christmas was gone.
No family or friend, for I was still terribly alone!
Christmas is still the hardest day of the year, but I manage to get by.
And although I still shed a tear, at least I no longer wanna die!


By Jimmy Matthew Anderson for Constance La Frances contest "Your Saddest Christmas 
Ever"


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Remove Me Please

It was her birthday she was turning thirteen.

It was a fun day until her father asked to baby sit for his new friends so they could all go 
out  to party.

She was scared that day she didn’t know why. She had babysat for other people before, 
but for some reason this was different. She just felt weird.

As they were driving to the location, her father was telling her, about the people she would 
babysit for were new to the area and didn’t know anyone.

“But dad, I really don’t want to. It’s my birthday. “She just wanted to cry. Why she had to do
 this she couldn’t understand.

After being dropped off and meeting the parents, she thought maybe she was being silly and
 they were good people. After the parents had left to the party, she got the kids ready for bed, and fell asleep waiting for everyone to get home.

The man woke her up with his hand on her shoulder and he was telling her to get ready he 
will take her home. He was telling his wife that it would take him a couple of hours to get her
 home and to get back. She thought about that, it didn’t seem to take her dad that long to 
drive to their home. Now she was getting scared again.

Driving back she could not talk. Even when he spoke to her she just sat scrunched in her 
seat trying to make herself invisible.

“What’s wrong with you? Can’t you talk? “He was demanding. It seemed to make him mad 
because she would not answer him.

All she could think was please God help me get home, when he turned the car into the hills
 where the woods started. She finally found her voice. She sat straight up in the seat and 
screamed. “Where are we going this is not the way home?”

He started laughing and when she tried to open the car door he grabbed her and hit her 
in the face. She was knocked out. When she woke he was on top of her, and she was crying 
but it did not do any good. Then his hand was around her throat, “I will kill you and your 
mom if you tell anyone. You will die.”

After he was done with her, he took her home and dumped her on the sidewalk.
 He threw money at her and left. She wanted to be removed from life. To be no more!

Dear Lord,

Please remove me

I want to be no more

The time has come

To make me blank

Here I am

Stuck in the mud

Where have you gone

Where am I now?

Stuck in never never land

The years go by

The pain never stops

The rose won’t bloom

The miles go around and around

Head spins

Struggling for years

Now the children are gone

And  what I knew was wrong

When death came between us

So I ask

One last time

REMOVE ME PLEASE!

Brooke Dylan 2014

this is in answer to Poet Aiyah De Torres .. Dear Diaryhttp://www.poetrysoup.com/poems_poets/poem_detail.aspx?ID=565965


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Rouging of the Lamb

        Sweet Mother of pearl
struck a ruby eyed reef 
then quickly sank into the deep,
just shy of the cay of life. 
Don't remember much about her,
those that did have long since blown away,
daddy  never had much to say... about the sinking.
Ancient pictures tempered fawn curiosities..
whispered to me that she had sunset red hair
a mother of pearl smile..
diamond chips set deep in lonely eyes...that's about it
    
 Soon after the sediment of death settled,
         "wrecking ball mom"
swung into the salty blue mix... 
Daddy must have been moon rock lonely
because he only waifed the soft, silky pretty
not the pyrite hearted 
soul licked
by cold, cold fires....
     A much to young, to cuddle a half orphan, kind of bride.
In public her voice cooed ,
"I'll buoy your little sinking heart,
with a million butterfly kisses
chocolate chip all your wishes"...
but in private
she plotted, with steely strap, to carve a granite man 
from a wandering lamb,
who never really needed carving 
only a little gentle kneading
on the potters wheel of life and love.
     I spent a healthy wedge of childhood 
treading a rolling ocean of dorsal fin coldness:
cutting a backyard full of weeds 
with a pair of rusty hand shears,
rescuing favorite toys from the garbage can
staring into plates of things I didn't like to eat.
like asparagus my least favorite "anti-treat".
Everyone would drift into the living room
to frolic away the evening
but I was chained to her electric chair... 
gazing into a saucer filled with green devil spears..
At times I sat so long the food would harden 
into the face of  mother of  pearl, 
her sweetness trapped between rows of bitter things.. 
a gone forever kind of look in our mutual deadened eye.
    Most of the time wrecking ball mom won the food battles. 
Rarely did the boy under the sink come out on top.
One night I'm sparring with the devil spears... again,
deciding on a whim, to slide them under the table, 
into the willing jaws of my beagle friend.
Chalk one up for the half orphan...right?....Not so fast.
The next day I shuffle home from school...
wrecking ball mom is frothing in the doorway,
wants to show me something..
She quickly leads me under the kitchen table
and to my ,deep green, horror..
there lay a small forest of day old asparagus..
Seems this is the one thing my best friend didn't care for.
This is when I was first introduced to 
wrecking ball's wicked handiwork,
that would often rouge the face and back, 
but cunning enough not to crease or crack the lamb.
wham...wham... 
I saw "hitting stars" for the first time,
wham.... wham.. 
I swear a cluster of explosions went off inside my head..
Carving a man out of a paper lamb 
was a long and painful sort of task.
In a way I felt lucky because, for a moment, 
I thought she was going to rub my nose into the regurgitation, 
Just like the time she rubbed the nose of my best friend for pissing up her new bride carpet.
By the way, daddy (the swing shifter) was oblivious to these rougings ...
its ok daddy your fully forgiven for wearing that rose colored hard hat,
we all must wear it at some point in time-to deflect the offal of life.
       Anyhow, that was many years ago...
doesn't really matter anymore,
I've outlived a few best friends.
the wrecking ball's backhanding and black belting days are over. 
She's silver headed and soft as a plate of over cooked veggies...
Every time I visit, I fantasize about rouging her...
wham- wham
until she sees that same pack of hitting stars...
wham- wham until she cracks...
You know, carve an old step bride 
into an under the sink child.
rub that nose in yesterday's piss in honor of my best dead friend.
Unveil those wrinkled whips disguised as mommy hands,
for the whole rosy eyed world to finally see.
but that fantasy will forever go unfulfilled...god willing..
So instead I offer her an atlantic ocean-cold hug instead.
just like any good, semi-forgiving step man would do.
        
Now, I'm heart deep 
in the meloncholy mist of fatherhood..
To this day, I won't touch asparagus
and 
never never 
rouge the lamb- 





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Dearth

He squats the entire day,
extending his empty cup.
Cold sweat oozing from the pores
of his slack bristly white face,
yet he crouched spiritless,
hoping for kindness to tumble.

Desire split his dry lips,
but he stoops without a murmur,
parting the busy shoppers,
roaming up and down the Plaza.
He makes rhythm with his cup,
a somber rhythm that plunges into the ground.

People pass by in a rush and ignore his plea.
Without warning a weight, falls upon his head, 
and he collapses to the ground.
His weary eyelids stop throbbing,
the sweat drys up ,
and mercy plunges desperately
into his cup, but poverty stares.

©2013 Christine Phillips


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nightmare

I remember having a procedure done in hospital, and as I started to come out of unconsciousness, I found myself in a place of pure joy there is no way to describe it. Then reality struck, and the joy started to fade. The first conscious though went through my brain. “Crap I lived through it, I didn’t die ” I didn't want to wake up. I was having a much better time in unconsciousness. As I woke I found myself leaving the most wonderful place to return to the nightmare of life.


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Doctor Please! Part I

Doctor please, you must listen to me
Do you have the medicine to set me free
A day in my life you would not understand
The pain I must endure with all that's at hand
I didn't ask for the genetics that made me this way
Maybe there will be a cure for my disease one day
Until then I suffer from my head down to my toes
The kind of suffering no one else knows
The kind of suffering I keep to myself
Just playing the cards that I was dealt
A prisoner to my body with no relief
Causing those loving me much pain and grief
You don't understand and you never will
Doctor please I beg of you to give it a shot still

For the problems at hand I did not ask
It was all dumped in my lap with a blast
I'm no longer capable of work for hire
Because so very quickly do I get tired
To find a job letting me work when I can
Just doesn't fit into the employers plan
My stomach hurts I throw-up and can't eat
After so many days of it I get so very weak
Some days have mercy I feel better than most
But on a good day the pain is still no laugh or joke
My husband went and left me for a younger girl
When I got sick he thought he'd give her a whirl
The divorce then came soon after to follow
The pain from that it was hard to swalloiw
 Cont'd in Part II


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Farewell

The rustling sound of rain, heard through the window. Dust covered histored books that I tended to clean. A small forgotten letter fell by, a lost letter, was never sent... For my loved one;
“Oh how I cannot forget the smell of your breath, the scent of your hair surrounding my head as I bend and touch your sweet lips with my own. How I cannot forget the tight grips when we locked fingers standing close together in the lonely rain as you heat my body with the warmth of your chest. How I cannot forget your twinkling whispers in my ears sending shivers towards my feet, and your fair giggles with shiny eyes as you come across looking at me. How our lives were intertwined with heavenly love and then torn like a small leaf thus crumbling into ashes and dust. 
Not a day passed by since you met your fate have I not swallowed my tears into my guts… farewell my love, farewell my one. I hope you fare better in heaven than I do, down here, on earth."


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Memoirs of one unloved

Memoirs of one unloved

I hear them refer to me as “it” or “the fetus”
Some underdeveloped miniature human, with no established status
For I am trapped in some fluid, apparently I know nothing
But, as strange as it may seem, I do suspect something
I cannot tell my senses apart or at all open my eyes
But I can detect outside of me a piling up of blatant lies
Disturbingly chaotic and deafening sounds I clearly hear
But they seem so far from one, yet closer to the other ear
How is it that I am able to point out what I feel?
Why do I get a foretaste of the world, when I’m a captive still?

Yes, you’d better believe your ears, I said, “captive”
I am afraid that in comparison to my carrier I am more responsive
For this seemingly young lady who claims to be with child
Expresses to me emotions that are anything far below mild
So the word mother surely does not apply in this case
It’s implied that it is better for me never to have existed in the first place
The insensitive words daily uttered by her literally send me balling over
She repeatedly does sit and only between two things hover
“Would it be a wise decision if I kept it?
Or should I rid of it and rather figure out how I can get back on my feet?”

Well the object she is referring to, is me
Her so-called destructive child-to-be
Then again, I wouldn’t burden her with the blame
Seeing that a situation such as hers is considered a great shame
An act that is socially and morally seen as highly abominable
Simultaneously makes me feel unwanted, a child so hideous and deplorable
Since when is it a mother’s first instinct to be so contemptuous?
Clearly of the feeling known as love is she not conscious

Oh, wait, apparently aware of love she is
But only when she looks deep into his eyes, love she sees
Not when she feels me move inside of her, no never!
Sometimes I wander, “love me, will you ever?”
At the same time I wander, “why bother keeping me alive?”
It truly is a struggle, for to stay alive I solely strife
When it feels like alcohol gushes from wherever into my system
Cigarette smoke from him blocking my lungs become an unbearable problem
Obviously, none of them care
The beginning of my life is marked by all things highly unfair

And him — don’t even get me started!
By now, I’ve memorised all the words he’s blurted
All his insults are now engraved in my once innocent mind
Truly speaking, in his voice, apathy is all you can find
I am partially disabled by his emotional numbness
And so is she, oh what an experience of sheer distress?
I would rather soon very swiftly disappear
And on the other world of nothingness reappear
For he slabs her and throws her around as he pleases
And for a moment the woman who ought to be my mother ceases

To seek a hiding place, safe and secure
To find for her heartache a temporary cure
But then the cycle begins again
And by the end, once again, not much did she gain
He hurls insults at her and once again, slabs her the face across
He overpowers her always and she is at a loss
For words, and only her tears speak of her anguish
If all this could go away, oh how I wish?
If only there’d be a moment of peace
If only for a moment, however short, everything would freeze

Just when I think my wish is going to be fulfilled
An even colder rush of naked Reality into me is instilled
He screams loudly “get rid of it or I leave!”
And she on the other hand, gasps for a moment brief
The verdict has been decided upon
But this time around, she tries to reason with him, “Please, come on”
To listen to her, he stubbornly refuses
For he cannot by a lady be in any way refuted
So now I am in the middle of all this
The two people who are supposed to protect me with their all are these

I have not yet stepped foot into the world but it seems twisted
The two who are to be united are against one another listed
Now I get the point very sharply
I got in the way of their happiness haply
In all honesty, I didn’t mean to exist
Then I suddenly feel him pulling her by the wrist
There, my thoughts are interrupted, as I sense a moment of rough wrestling
For the manner in which her body is shaken resembles no sort of nestling
I feel forceful Gravity mercilessly pulling us toward her
Our bodies fail to defy her, and I for one, disappointment I wear


How could he be so heartless?
To the point of knocking her out cold, almost lifeless
The unrest was born the moment I got here
So I’m leaving that they will be of good cheer
I have no idea whether I’m volunteering
But I sense that the fluid which I know as home, red is turning
Yes, I think they both stabbed me in the heart
The nameless, unloved object can no longer bear the hurt
I would be lying if I said anything of this world I’ll miss
Fare thee well, please do now without me enjoy your life of bliss


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'Sins of the Fathers No More'

My abusive, late stepfather--
     a repressed, black racist--
was a sergeant in the army
     and face-smacking sadist.
I 'oft bemoaned that I was white
    ( as if it were my fault!)
and that he was black (and big!).
     So in thoughtless revolt

against his continual abuse
      one day under my breath
I called him a "******" (and boy
     did he beat me to death!).
Against more physical abuse
     I then wisely refused
to provoke him to great anger
     so I was not accused

of his death for being beaten.
     Then Mom and he divorced
because the abuse got much worse;--
     free, I felt no remorse.
Now I was the man of  the house
     and life was less stormy;
for years after we lived in peace:
     my Mom, siblings, and me.

Then I got religion and God
     and gave my life to Christ;
'twas the best thing I ever did!
     I changed--and it sufficed.
My anger and embitteredness
     I had for years repressed
began to slowly disappear;
     I became less depressed.

Later, my erstwhile stepfather
     got swelling of the lung,--
emphysema! I forgave him
     not back when I was young
for all the abuse and the pain
     that made my life so grim;
but I've realized that the trauma
     of not forgiving him

would be greater than what I've felt.
     We all sin and transgress; 
so God's grace moved me to let go
     of him with forgiveness.
When it's time to let go and to
      assure all's forgiven,
I'll be with him to pray for God
      to show him His heaven.

















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Nameless Lad

He last had a pal in the 7th grade,
 They shared a class from the 1st grade.
 And together, for Home Economics,
 they were always late.
 But the seventh grade showed up, in its
 claws it held their un-anticipated fate.

 For death's heartless might had
 snatched away the pal's dear moter,
 The lad watched as he packed the
 boots that both their feet knew.
 Off he went to unknown horizons.
 "I will write", is all he said.
 And so, at the post office,
 the lad became a familiar face.
 "He never forgot me", he convinces
 his lonely self everyday.

 The 12th grade is his current stop.
 He recently acquired a harmless infection-hope.
 So, while he dejectedly kicks innocent pebbles
 in the streets he's quite hopeful that the other lad, his pal,
 will write..........or maybe tweet.

 Word has it, though, that the pal was
 seen somewhere.
 He was wearing a black suit...
 Word has it also that he couldn't make a conversation.
 Instead of his trademark smile,
 solemnity had found a home in his face.
 There he was, stone dead.

 "Maybe, just maybe, he will write",
 thinks the nameless lad as he kicks a
 couple of innocent pebbles while he threads
 on one rugged path towards home.

 And tomorrow he's going to the post office.


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Sad Bye Soupians

My heart is heavy
My mind is clouded
My world has darkened

I pursued my heart's desire with all zest
But I've come to a point where I'm forced to rest
Fate has decided that I'm not worthy of life's best tastes

I tried to run away with all my might
But now I realize from mediocrity I had but merely run a mile
Now I've been recaptured to be imprisoned in the realm of poverty

I know myself and I know that all is not lost
I still trust my heart shall find a way to beat again
But I now have to contend with the fact my work is not of my world

It has been so gratifying to be amongst you
...a wonderful people of understanding and appreciation
How I wish I lived in your world, for I am not free in mine

Now I prepare to go back to my dark world
Hoping to one day escape to a better reality
Where optimism and happiness shall be the normality 

My freedom here in the city afforded me a touch of modernity
But now I am forced to go back to the rural reality 
Where thoughts and perceptions are as backward as the reality

I go back to a world rampant with hatred and jealousy
A world ruled by mediocrity, scepticism and pessimism
A world to which I will never belong, not in a million eons

Only property I take with me is my guitar
...and a computer I doubt if I'll ever use again
My anger is only to God for committing me to such cruelty

Now I understand why most poets end before their time
For even I feel so tempted to fly away into immortality
But I am so young and I still believe in chance

I will escape again to this positive world, that is for sure
Even if it takes a decade or a lifetime 
A day shall surely come when I'll be free

This is not a mere play with words
It is the reality of a twenty four year old African genius
Wishing for his world to even come to end in an instant

What merit is in striving and failing an inch short of your dreams' reach
Perhaps I am only still young and I will timely learn
But why does life have to be this cruel and painful 

I am going but I'll never stop believing in a better reality
I will never stop striving for better dreams
I will never stop encouraging kids to be better than they are

...for I know fully well the pain of not being the best
I know the pain of living in regrets
I know the misery of being ambitious in a small world

Now I'm going back to a small town built of small dreams
Mhm, my Lord I can't believe you let this happen to me
After all these years of my being faithful to thee

...LONG LIVE POETRYSOUP. BYE.


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Chance

Chance

By BJ Welsh

With life and living we take our chance
Nodding in agreement to a furtive glance
Waking up each day is a chance we take
That life will deliver us for Heaven’s sake
We awake each sunrise with a hope reborn
Chance seeing an other suffer and torn

It’s one other’s life you see at a glance
Hoping for approval, it’s but a chance
The life you witness as others pass
The pain inside may subside, alas
Hoping to see one as you
The chance you take to find two

Running out of time the clock is ticking
Chance there are others whose lives aren’t clicking
Great as that may be, the chance you’re all alone rises
Furtive glances from beneath disguises
Chance that hiding the pain and hurt won’t last
The agony you feel will not be fast

Chance you soon become discovered
In your waking hours its’ uncovered
You’ve lived a life of hurt and pain
 The chance you’ve taken may have been in vain 




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Words of Meaningless Torture

I only ever tried to be there for you. I thought I was your friend...I thought I helped but obviously not. I wished to make you happy...to feel good about yourself. To make you believe you were special and you meant something...because...well you meant everything to me and I did what I could to show you that but it's apparent I just failed. As I fail at everything...I guess I can't even be a friend. Because when you said...the new friend...this person whom you only just met--while we've been friends for years-- but this person... oh yes must be so “different” because as you said....is the only one to make you feel happy. The only one to make you feel worth something...makes you feel special. Makes you feel like you matter...the only one to have helped you realize you make a difference....
I guess I was just never good enough. I tried and tried but it just wasn't enough and now slowly it's unraveled just how meaningless...how torturous...this all is. Because I hear from you less...and less. I get short responses. It takes nearly and army of message to get a reply...and then...it's hardly a reply. 
I'm just sorry...I couldn't have been any better than I am. I'm sorry that I never made you feel good about yourself...or happy or anything. I'm just sorry I was never the best of a friend. Because...believe me...I did try. But I guess I just wasn't good enough. Never good enough. So...I'll just move back and idly sit in the shadows lost with time...because I obviously have no meaning in your life....after all...you were never happy....until the new friend came along.... But nevertheless...you still mean everything to me....you have always made a difference in my life and even now as I watch, through tear filled eyes, the words you send me make a huge difference still....a difference I never thought would happen but...still a difference...and the difference is....I was never anything to you and you were always everything to me. And that, my friend, is a difference. And always will be. But I hope...that you'll always stay happy...as that's all I ever wanted for you....


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The love dressed in black

The lady walks away
With thoughts clogged of grey
She couldn't stand there any longer

Watching him go underground
It was dead scilent, not a sound 
His motionless body on his death bed

She cried tears of death and sorrow
Knowing for him, there is no tommorow
Her love thrown away like nothing

No one knew who she was
Because she had only met him the other day
when they fell in love at first sight

The bullet that once saved her 
Killed her first love, in a shock and a blur 
He bled out and died in her arms

Why didn't things work out that day?
Why did things end up that way?
She walked away, a lady dressed in black


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For Laura

My best friend, 
Through shining days and endless nights I remember our times, when we laughed and played as if nothing mattered. If I could just make you that happy again. You are beauty and grace, Flawlessly you hold your own. I only wish you didn't feel you must hold all inside. If I could show you, you could trust me. Lean on me. Throw all your sorrows upon me so I could carry them so you won't have to. Lay your world on ,y shoulders and I will hold you up. I am amazed and astounded by the way you still push on even when you feel like giving up, still you hold on. When things fell apart, And you cried and felt alone, I wish I could have been there and held you and brought you peace-brought you sweet relief. I wish I could have saved you from the pain when the emptiness took hold; but still, you kept going. I only wish I could measure up, even in the slightest bit. When the pain seemed to never end and you fell down broken, torn, and shattered on the ground-I can only ever pick you back up and be by your side as I have sworn. I wish I never made you hurt, I wish I never made you cry. And I'm sorry the scars that wrap themselves around me cause you so much harm. I don't want to drown you in anymore sorrow
I don't want to pull you down, though I do, and I fear I'll lose you because of that. I can't do much and maybe I'll never be enough, but it's all I have to offer. I'll always remain by your side, ready to pick you up when you fall, ready to give you my arm when you need someone to hold onto.  Place to rest your head when you need to cry-even with my cracks and my breaks, and chips and flaws I'll still be around  for you as they matter not to me. And I'll keep you up as much as I can. I hope only that I do not fail you, and let you fall. 
To see you smile, you truly happy, is my greatest wish. I would give my life up for you. You; my dearest closest friend, are beauty and grace, you are flawless and perfect to me. Just take my hand
Be not afraid and know you are never alone. Do not ever feel you are on your own, I'll never leave your side; for you, there, always I will be wanting to make you smile, wanting to make you happy. Please do not feel sorrow, do not feel alone, you've never let me down now let me do the same. I love you more than I can express, more than I can show. You are my greatest friend, You are my sister, You mean so much and more. You amaze me every day, With your smile and hope, with your strength and grace, with your words and eloquence, I always feel a sense of envy But it'll never matter much for I cherish you and all you are far too much.
You are beauty and grace, you are flawless.


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On Call

 			
My sister called, “You must come now, to see him still alive.”
He’d had the dreadful verdict just a week or so before,
my precious younger brother, last remaining one of five.
“You should accept the Hospice care, we can do nothing more.”

“I’m tired, Sis, “ he answered, when I asked him how he was.
He didn’t need to tell me, I could see that it was so.
It was strange to hear him say it; he had always been so brave,
suffering for years in silence, and not wanting world to know.

I stood there a bit awkwardly, not knowing what to say
and hating my own healthy hand that patted his thin cheek.
I battled back the tears before they had a chance to flow
as I prayed to God to help me find the proper words to speak.

It was not the first time I had come when Brother needed me,
like the time some years ago now, when he’d lost his only son.
I made all of the arrangements and wished I could do more
to help my grieving brother when things needed to be done. 

He had raised that boy by himself, after his wife ran away
and didn’t try to fight him, for she knew that she was wrong.
Joe’s life was lived around that boy until the accident. 
I was afraid that it would break him, but somehow he got along.

I was nine years old when he was born and I adored that baby.
He was so good and happy until the hated illness came.
Inflammatory rheumatism is what they called the sickness.
It affected him in every joint.  He never was the same.

I helped my mama care for him and loved him even more,
and promised God I would be good if He’d just make him well.
Finally the swelling left and he could walk again,
but he’d not be strong like others, almost anyone could tell.

But what he missed in brawn he surely made up with his brains.
He became a radio announcer and found some small town fame.
Then he moved to the big city and hosted a political talk show.
It wasn’t long before a lot of people knew his name.

But the good years were not long before the dreadful wear and tear
of his chronic illness  caused his joints to  deteriorate. 
He had most of them replaced but another one would go. 
And he had to accept the pain as just his fate. 

The pain medicine he took for years has come at a big price.
And he must give his life to pay the bill.
All I can do now is to be there and to stay until the end
for the brother that I’ve loved and always will.




For Paula's "Crisis" contest  Won first place











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Erkallios

Erkallios
Arabic Poem by: Adnan Abu Andalus*
Translated into English by: 
Inaam Al-Hashimi (Gold_N_Silk) 
========================
No feather on his head
To escape hell
Erkallios
Was not a legendary hero of Rome
Nor a pirate with dreadlocks was he
 He was a soldier without a gun
 Guarding the land between the two grieves
 Conversing with himself
 And falls asleep with a whimper

Every night....
The Corporal gets down on his breath: 
“Get up it's time for your duty..
No matter how late you wake up
You will die!”
The sun generates the moment 
He begins to convey gunpowder
The storm spins 
The plane is hovering
Turns spirally
Explodes
And doomsday befell Erkallios!

The child died
The child, Erkallios, melted
 Between fire and iron
 Screaming as if the moment
 Splintered Mayday
 The sound returned disappointed
 He …died.. with .. his ... with his comrades!
The plane, a cemetery for forty
Is lying on the road
Black ....
Like a corpse of a dead whale
--------
Translated by Em. Prof. Inaam Al-Hashim
USA
*Adnan Abu Andalus is a poet from Iraq
“Erkallios” from his poetry collection  “The Smell of Doomsday”


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I lost me I lost you (Part 1)

It was so long ago
But my mind doesn’t see it that way
And like a channel that only plays reruns
Images of you keep repeating in my mind over and over again

Over the years I tried to reach out to you
But I learned that you didn’t want to know me
We last spoke on the phone with forgiveness in my voice
But the love I once knew was replaced by bitterness

You said I thought you were going stop trying to contact me
I promised that this would be the last time.
I said I just wanted to wish you the best and give myself peace of mind.
But in your voice it was the seething anger and resentment that I could not deny

I said I was sorry for all the hurt, pain and sorrow and if I could correct it I would.
Why cant you forgive me what did I do that was so wrong.
And that is when I learned about what was truly told to you  
To my surprise a giant lie, your sister said I raped her, now I understand why

She covered up her actions and turned me into a beast
This explains the hatred, the anger, and resentment you have felt for me.
However it doesn’t excuse the lust of my actions and what really happened 
For days, weeks and months your sister groped, kissed and hounded me until I gave in.

Yes I confess to having an affair I tried to be faithful, I tried to be true. I loved you
But your sisters’ sexual lust took control over me she pressed my buttons for her own sexual 
need
And even though I tried I was so guilt stricken I lied and said I didn’t love you anymore. 
Our break up was created by your sisters’ lustful attraction she lied to cover up her jealous 
actions 

But with a burning in your voice you didn’t want to believe and so you poured salt onto me
but the next day your phone call confirmed the truth, your older sister confessed to our 
agony
but she also said that she was in love with me of which I never knew
suddenly you want to stay in touch, I said that would be too much, again you persisted 

Haven’t we endured enough pain to develop a friendship now would be insane, but you again 
insisted
All those years ago the lie you were told now I understand why you hated me so. 
and with a giant sigh I just started to cry and my heart just melted away
Unfortunately you said time has replaced me with someone new for you 

(continued)


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Times of yore

Life is more like a book
Its chapter never closes
How do I bury my times of yore?

Each corner I turn
Each route and avenue I take
There are my times of yore 
Right in my way

Malls and shopping complexes
Brings back all the memories
The good times we had.

Our favourite restaurants
There waiter that served us there very first time 
The sport we picked on our very first date 
Excavate my yore

The first smile
The first hug
The first stroll

Our sing along song
My music collection
Her favourite T.V show 
Brings back memories of us together

I am sick of my past
My time of yore always catches up with me
How do I close her chapter in my life? 
I crushed her heart into pieces

Her innocent heart is haunting me
I carry the burden of dishonesty
The weight of being deceitful is intense
I was inconsiderate 





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Handog ko'y Kahirapan Nga Ba

Ilang milyong hakbang na ang aking nagawa
Payak na yapak, sa lansangan buhay ay tinahak, 
Bitbit ko ay Ginebra, pamatid-uhaw sa pagal na kaluluwa
Nagbabakasakaling mapawi nito ang hangaring guminhawa.

Wika nila: 'Tamad ka kasi Juan, magsumikap ka! '
Ano ang akala nila, ako ba'y nanatiling nakatunganga? 
May pamilya ako, iha, hindi ko ninais ang bigyan sila
Ng primera-klaseng buhay ng isang dukha! 

(Humagulgol si Juan at humalakhak pagdaka...) 

Pasensya ka na, iha, ako ay nadala ata
Ng ispiritu ng dyaskeng Genebra, 
Di yata't malabnaw na ang pagkatimpla
Di mapawi nito ang uhaw sa minimithing adhika! 

Simple lang naman ang aking hiling
Bigyan pa ako ng Poon ng lakas na makapiling, 
Dyaskeng pita ng laman kasi, binigyan ako ng siyam na supling
Ngayo'y hirap ako'ng handugan ng siyam na platong kanin! 

Mali kung mali, naandyan na 'yan
Hindi ko na sila maibabalik sa pantog ko't laman, 
Pagsisisi ay wala sa akin, na sila'y nakamtan
Handog sila ng Poon upang ako'y pahirapan! 

Hindi nga ba? 

Nakikita ko ang di pagsang-ayon sa iyong mga mata...
Bakit hindi gayong pinili ko ang buhay meron sila? 
Na dapat ay hinay-hinay ko sana ginawa
Upang hindi humantong sa ganitong sistema.

Ahhh...Hala, ako'y yayao na
Salamat sa pakikinig, iha
Kahit paano'y binigyan mo ng halaga
Ang sintemyento ng isang dukha.

(Alay kay Juan, na namataan ko sa daan...) 

Inner Whispers


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My Farewell

Dad, this my apology and a prayer of farewell.
To you and me.
So maybe I can feel that you have forgiven me.
And all the things in my life now make since.
Your sad gray eyes haunt me at night.
I can never forget that you have left.
I can’t seem to let go because it feels as I am letting go of my past.
Goodbye to a little girl who misses the comfort of being a daddy’s girl.
Goodbye to cuddles at night and chocolate-chip pancakes in the morning.
I cried for your soul and hope that your happy where you are.
Please send me a sign so I know your al right.
Goodbye to memories of a man singing as he played his guitar with his soul.
 How can I explain the pain when I remember my life as before.
 Goodbye to the roughness of your cheek each time I kissed you goodbye.
I have forever changed and feel I haven’t ever made you proud.
So now I long to pick up a phone and call to say “Hi!”.
I would have given my life just for a hour to tell you thanks.
I need your courage and strength when life strikes me down.
Goodbye to stern lectures of life.
I miss seeing your face and laughter when it rains.
Or how your face lighten up when my children yelled,,“Grandpa!”.
I never thought it would ever end up this way.
I feel that chance played a hard joke on us and now I am paying for it.
 I just can’t get past this because your not here to guide me through this.
 So I sit and ponder on streams full of memories and times that seemed so long gone.
Like the vast ocean I drown away trying to drift back to some kind of sanity.
I close my eyes and here the jingle-jangle of your keys as you limp on by.
I miss the pat on the back or the tightness of my hand enclosed in yours to reassure me it 
would be al right.
I think of so many goodbye to you..
Goodbye to the way your hair stood up after waking up.
 Or how we laughed when you snored.
Goodbye to yelling at the boys when they were misbehaving.
 But the most that always hurt is the goodbye to you.
Because it seems that centuries have passed since I last saw you.
  Even if it’s been a few years.
The world is cruel and I often wonder what to do?
I question that this is the end, for the pain isn’t gone.
It consumes my soul as I try to go on.
As a reminder of finer things in life.
I look to the sky and search for a sign that you are up there somewhere near by as always 
before.


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Christ Puissant Touch

The hills of Nagaland, his Motherland, 
A countryside plenteous cultural, scenic landscapes.
When first he cried mamma, 
Father's loving eye called a feast.
At juvenile being send for literature
Still jejune, naive he grew more to drug.
Spend half his life white plagued; 
Homecoming a peddler, 
Potentate dealer of variant hard drug.
Evil favored, sadist none would ostracise heretofore, 
Not until the weakening lying in hospital bed.
No purpose driven laying waste discomfited; 
Anathematize and bescorned.
Doctors ceased this man of multiple organ failure; 
Counted his days of life be lived.
Betwixt life and death: 
'Christ puissant touch mended, healed his feeble body.'
Abhorred by gentiles despite found his lost soul, 
Alleulia Rabbi Jesus he wailed agonizely
Lackaday he knelt and read Psalms 51, 
whence all his sins brought to The Cross where Christ atoned.
With contrite, repentant heart; 
Thenceforth made The Word of God his purpose for life.
Benison, born-again, edified, ordain and sanctified; 
Redeemed many a lives of friends similitude.
Counsel prisoners, addiction where once he dwelled; 
Still lives a servant of Christ mightily being wield.
Speaks of Mark 8: 34, renders Matthew 11: 28; 
Manifest ‘His' omnipresence, unconditional love.
And in him was when I found Christ in me.


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A Glance within -one of two-

Today, I reminisced about you.
You, as the others masks, told this one to look at the inside. That there, would be found himself, would be found purpose... And so this oneself went, looked, in a reverie to the depths of his mind.

Amidst the mazes, this one asked the thorns that paved the ground on his front, the very same which desired to go deeper and deeper into his sole.
Even they have a purpose, why is that this one doesn't?

What is this self? Why have this one born? What is the true purpose behind this all?
To suffer the pain I can ensue unto thee, told the thorns to this one.
And what is your purpose, to inflict this one with pain?
Aye and to teach, through pain you shall learn, it said.
With not much effort, the thorns went in, deeper and deeper of this flesh, till it turned to be impossible to be taken out.
Words of insult and lies, of suposed love, sealed the injury and the thorns within to forever inflict pain and to not let forget, and so, to teach to not trust.
With it, the memoirs surfaced, memoirs of an old time, the yore of an infant. Many thorns, many lies, many masks...

And so, this one kept looking within himself, you told me there is where lies the answer. This one believes you to be not the same as they are, and because of that, the search must go on.


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Death's Kiss

A cold dark night, whispers muttered, I fought for light, and then I uttered,
"Awake me from this nightmare, a black haunting I CANNOT BARE!"
opened my eyes jumped out of my bed, caught my breath, and nodded my head, only a dream,
then I said.

There need not be another that night so I stayed awake in fright,
in fright of that dream, that unbearable thought.

Then as I laid, eyes heavy and weary, so did I fade, into midnight dreary.
When suddenly I felt a presence of pain
a presence of evil, fear, and vain.

Onto the floor then came a drift, and with it fog and ice did sift.

"WHO GOES THERE!" I shouted, to which I doubted my feeble legs as I stood to the floor.
"It is I, Death."
Confused and confounded, I looked into the dark that surrounded, and quite astounded I saw
a monster appear
and to much of my dismay, its finger pointed my way.
"What do you want?" said I in fear "You." said monster, coming near.
"But so young am I" i did reply "Its an awful mistake, for you my life to take."

"Its no mistake, these I don't make." the creature did quake,
 
With wings of bone, scythe in one hand, he brought fear across the land
and still stood his finger, still at me it linger.
"NO!" I screamed and tried to flee, but move now I couldn't so quickly, for to my dismay
these legs did stay, a thousand pounds they did weigh.
"PLEASE, I BEG YOU, DO IMPLORE, I AM SO YOUNG AND LIFE I ADORE, YOU CANNOT TAKE ME, I NEED
NOT GO, PLEASE TELL ME WHY, THIS I MUST KNOW!"

So softly said death, in a single breath,
"No purpose is there, for death is not fair."
"You could be so young, but I do not care."
"And now you must bare what all will bare, Death's cold stare."
"But be not frightened, for with peace will you be enlightened. No more pain or sorrow,
this all I must borrow, until the morrow when all is no more."

His words like razors, cut through my heart
and with it peace, began to start.
For apart from the fear, the unsettled surprise
it dawned to me Death, had opened my eyes.
For life blistered my soul with a sore
that death would heal with its "No More"

"Ok" I said "Take life's pain from my head"
"Bring me peace, among the dead!"

And so quickly he came, and so quickly I went
and brought it no shame, and told it no hint
and with it he did, just as i was told
suddenly no pain, NO FEAR, NONE BEHOLD!
this all he did borrow until the morrow, when all is no more
and of it all i did hear, was just a faint hiss
then into the nothingness of abyss
did my peace come, with Death's Kiss.


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I Am A Ghost

I am the ghost that haunts these hallowed halls...
Her I shall remain inside these walls...
Until the grim reaper comes to call...
And my body falls.

When the pain is more than I can take...
With a pain so ravaging it can never be slaked...
I pray the Lord my soul to take...
Before my heart completely breaks.

If I should wake in the morning again...
I shall still be the ghost within...
These hallowed halls is where it did begin...
And I will haunt them until the end.

I am the invisible girl you will never meet...
Yet the ghost you can not see is always fooled by deceit...
But I shall not retreat...
Or admit defeat.

So when the sun rises in a cloudless sky,
The ghost will cry...
And I shall not go nigh...
I shall remain a ghost for the rest of my life.

MODPS


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Skin I'm in Part One

Tough skinned -strong, take it and dish it out.  
Thin skinned - overly sensitive.  
Skin of our teeth -
struggle for life, survival. 
Skin defines and designs us, 
the skin we’re in, through pain, color issues, death and life.  

Skin-If skin could talk. 
Fascinating story. 
Not just color of skin but skin which is our body fabric, the material that wraps our 
soul and our innermost parts silky, splashed with water, warmth, cologne, love 
and labor-skin. 

yes john heck this is prose but...the skin I'm in Part One

Touch comes through skin and touch informs us of so much. The way people 
touch us tells us if they are comfortable with us and with themselves.  
It can be hostile, strident touch; rough, accusatory, disciplining, invasive or it can 
be sensual, exciting, invigorating, accepting, encouraging, loving, comforting. 

Skin Talk

too frequent breakouts, rashes, allergies, sores, impetigo, suffered 
embarrassment, pain and shame. Scars!  Coco butter for every nick and scrape.  
But my black knees and those scars embarrassing in
swimsuits or shorts 
legs were scarred with black spots.  
Marvin Taylor called me leopard legs in fifth grade and fifty years later, 
I remember the sting, shame and pain of it.  
Campaigned against my scarred legs with scrubs and other potions until the 
spots began to fade  and a sense of perspective...

skin challenges, burns, rapid tissue growth that should disfigure -yet the 
elephant man walks with dignity and grace in his could be monster face

severe acne in the face, severe psoriasis and yet their character and ways of 
dealing with these problems determine their real image, reflection and persona 
life is a gift that can not be determined by black spots on legs.  


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A Decisive Hour pt. 2

This is going to hurt. As the catheter was inserted into
my groin, I screamed, I cried and I was forgiven.
I watched the whole procedure in awe, There before me
was my heart, vulnerable, beautiful. I saw what Dr. Dib 
called the snake, come to a stop within my heart. Dr. Dib
said, " do you see the snakes tail? Yes I said. Just ahead of it
is a 100% blocked artery,Now watch! All this time which was 
actually a couple short minutes, which felt an eternity with
the heart attack still in motion, he pushed the catheter
through the blockage, " I'm going to pull the catheter out
now and attach a balloon and what is called a stent. ( he showed
me what it looked like later) And re-inserted the catheter.
As the balloon arrived back at the partially open blockage,
Dr. Dib said " Are you alright?" Yes.. " Then here we go" 
" Keep watching" The balloon was inserted into the blockage
inflated a bit, deflated and pulled back into the stent. The
balloon and stent were re-inserted and the balloon re-inflated
until the stent locked into place in the artery. As soon as the 
balloon was removed from the in place stent, the pain was gone.
From massive pain to no pain in an instant. I felt that
voice again, " You still have work yet to do" I prayed, I 
thanked God, I thanked Dr. Dib for saving my life, he smiled
and said " You're going to be fine, rest now" As I was 
now whisked to the Cardiac ICU all wired for sound,
The hand remained, ever present. Finally less than an hour
after it started, it was over, basically. I was in my room to 
be greeted by the smiling, yet concerned face of my Mary.
I knew the full impact of God's Grace and Love for me.
She said do you want me to get Josh from school? "Yes".
She kissed me, told me she loved me and for me to rest.
I closed my eyes, feeling more at peace than I had in years.
I awoke to see my wonderful Son concerned, yet strong.
He kissed my forehead. The hand that was holding mine slipped
away and was replaced by Josh's. I felt his love ever present,
my hand in his.


Thank you Dr. Dib, Thank you Mary and Josh and all who love me.

                   Thank you Father! from your Loving Son!


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Her Personal Curse (Part Two) *warning, graphic in nature*

I felt his fingers bruising my flesh, tearing me till I bled onto him.
He made me taste it for him, I thought this would be the night I died.
Panic seized me anew when he settled between my thighs and pressed in.
A pain like none of his blows seized me, as he pinned me where I lye



I began to fight him again, digging my own nails into his shoulders.
It didn’t seem to anger him anymore as he pushed sending fire through me.
He let me scream now, and the bed banged the wall, but nobody heard.  
All I could think about was my mother in the next room, oblivious to my screams.

 He pound his member deep inside me as I gasped and begged him to stop
I called him by his name, and still, his hands grabbed hard as he continued to thrust.
Some of the pain subsided as he took me, I must have slowly slipped into shock.
I felt his hot release inside of me, as I lye under this man I once thought I could trust.

Spent and dripping sweat, he fell down against me, crushing the breath from my lungs.
I felt his lips suckle my neck, as he leaned off to knead my breast.
I lay limp as he kissed me, I could still taste vodka on his tongue.
I lay there being fondled by my mother’s 28 year old house guest.

He hardened again against my thigh, while he continued exploring my body
He murmured empty words to me before flipping me over onto my stomach.
I tried to get up and crawl away but he pushed my head down from behind me.
I screamed against the mattress while he took me, preying for it to go by quick.

It was dawn before he left me, aching and soiled down to my bones.
I curled up onto the mattress after he told me no one would ever believe me.
I was stunned that this could happen to me in my own home.
I thought of my mother sleeping in such close vicinity.

She must have left and I didn’t hear her, I thought. I didn’t want to face the fact
That she had been there, steps away while I begged and pleaded for rescue.
But as I painfully left my bed to prove to myself that she wasn’t there to stop the attack,
I stepped out into the hallway and heard her snoring, the door left open to her room.

Passed out on her own bed, left as vulnerable as I had been left, she was untouched.
While I was riddled with bruises and blood, scars inside that would never heal.
I ran to her shaking her awake to tell her, wanting to be consoled so much.
She looked at me, still drunk, as if wondering how she should feel.


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My Thoughts

Here I am. Alone here I sat. 
My mind wrapped in many thoughts. 
Those I care not to have. 
The ones of my life, a woman near my heart. 
The pain and pleasures are like doing uppers and downers. 
Feeling your hearts going burst if it don't cease. 
What does one do in this case I wonder? 
It's not of my heart I want destroy but loving as the man I am. 
There the differculties are with being human. 
Not being able to control the thoughts as they run wild. 
What is it really like to live alone? 
I know its lonely but how does one cope with this? 
Even when their thoughts are upon things that matter. 
How does the mind think or is it really the heart feeling these thoughts? 
I know that's where the pain exist because its not my head that hurts. 
It is the thinking of having everything you ever wanted in life. 
Including the woman you love so dearly. 
It is of my sucess I have accomplish even after many have robbed me blind. 
It is that will to survive that keeps my fight alive. 
But that of my inner being telling me that life is a lie. 
That it's only a joke to live. 
But there I have struggle still standing tall even when I am knock down. 
It is the eye of the tiger and the roar of a lion I cry. 
That of my soul just feels like screaming to the top of my lungs and falling to my knees and 
saying,lord take me. 
Ease this pain I'm in. 
But let not life kill me nor my thoughts I have. 
But make me stronger in thy ways. 
But end this day and not let me wake. 
For I am dieing of these thoughts and feelings I have,Please! 
Somebody help me before I go insane and lose my mind. 
These thoughts are crazy but of a woman I love. 
That I can not stand the thought of her in others arms. 
But my thoughts is I must go on. 
Because I am the man I am and there's nothing I can do about this. 
Except stay strong and survive until the day of my life has come. 
By then,I probably be old and grey,still wondering how I'm going to make the next day.


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Nugatory Blackhole

Your death pushed me into this nugatory black hole.
Stinging sorrow whirling long, sadly out of control.
You fought one courageous battle, in deep pain.
Brave in your sickness, you never complained.

Memories of you, humorous, loving and uniquely smart.
This cold sadness slithers foul inside my frail heart.
I grapple with this dark rotten turmoil.
The flickering dread slows then eerily uncoils.

The third of five wonderful brothers.
Your death dims my soul, I will recover.
My spirit tired and oddly worrisome.
I will remember your special hue of awesome.


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Red Eyes and Sinister Looks

Chains, hay forks, knives, and a hollow whisper,
become more true and sinister.
Halt in the middle of the moon light, 
and a waver image soon is no delight.
Voices run a muck in the head, 
so not calming you wish you were dead.
Gushing blood through the eye
not an image that you would rely.
Nails stuck on your neck with such pain
so your paralyze just little life sustain.
Hoodlums terrorizing people running a muck
did not really know they are in luck.
More dangerous beings are out their
to commit such act and with sinister stare.
Laughing with haunting echo's through
is an aspect of fear can imbue.
The wind changes direction to smother
the echoing sound of laughter.
The panicking state that you are in
soon drives a knife within.
Blood rushing out of your vain
a crucial part of your life dropping like rain.
Running without a destination
you will never reach anyone of your relation.
Sliding your body on a wall
keeping your fall in a stall.
Red eyes you can see it at night
is soon devouring you with little bite.
Changing your belief with tonics of relief
and it is to late to turn a new leaf.
Ears start to deceive the animals sound
eating limbs are chewing around.
Slowly your red eyes steadily getting heavy
is starting to take your life with a levy.
Dropping down with no attitude
and your life force slowly loses altitude.
Breathing comes not so easy
smelling flesh seems so beastly.
The change comes a desire
with frightening red eyes of fire.
Comes more lethal than the hoodlums 
your heart beating like drums.
Your hand becomes all fury
claws come out and your howl with furry.
Trance your in with no one to blame
a rage thats hundreds of centuries of flame.
Rising from a slumber of long lust
a animal instinct that you can trust.
Tearing things apart with no meaning
is a trait that is so deceiving.
Red eyes at night you see in a window
like a poisonous black widow.
Keeps you in attack mode of insanity
that takes all your vanity.
Ferocious emotions eating away
the soul that you had once betray.
The echoing sounds of loud thunder
breaks away the armor with sunder.
You fall once again to torturous agony
the feeling of one self is so lonely.
Shaking in the corner you are found
with blood soaked skin you drowned.
The night becomes day cruel in some way
your memories go in disarray.
The hunters with torches and sinister look
had parted way their hands shook.


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The Sea Blue Eyes I

Once in a while I meet a person whose eyes tell their story
The story is like the sky reflection on the seas of glory
The eyes are all the wonder of the world
It sees the future, past, and present
The eyes give us knowledge of the world and reflection
The reflection of sadness and weakness of each creature
The wonder of each individual being has a present
To the world who has lots of false images
To arise the moment of that one glance
To follow the heart in romance
Just the reflection that gather in your eyes of blue
What a man and a woman should view
Life is such a pain without stopping to see each eyes
Its like roses you have to enjoy each passion in side
When that moment collides with mind and heart
Nothing in your soul can keep your love apart
Join in the fun look in every eyes of a person beside
With passion and romance I bet you, you would cry
The luster of all the things to come
A bounty of life long needs to be given by just the wonders of the eyes
The blue seas reflects the different depths of our feelings
And it should become revealing
Come to your senses with ravaging hormones of lust
The sea can take you and even the reflection in the eyes of the person
The beauty is not held by one it is held by everyone
Such looks with fear for no relief
Is almost a dreadful part in our human nature
Beware of what can happen when emotions are held
Held to the core of an individual
No such thing is kindness when you find yourself in the Sea Blue Eyes
Calling in your soul by just looking
With ignorance you play around with such futile emotion
Gush away the fear and do not go insane with life so dear
The grasp of the titans comes to reveal
The evil within your heart is so obscenely noticed
You want the sea and you want those eyes to look at you with wishes
The rage in the heart are waves that cannot stop 
It pushes and pushes with no regret
The heart falters and there is only one thing in your mind
The idea of one soul to be with is the ocean 
The rifts that is trying to break to end the wants of desire
Cannot be trusted in a human lier
The beauty of man is destruction 
The beauty of women are commands
The eyes of each does not matter in the sea
Because all emotion and desire is given to those who are true
Command of a person is just one thing 
The desire to destroy is another
The Sea Blue Eyes will see no bother cause it bares it all
Even the utmost desire
To be continue.


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Her Personal Curse (Part One) *warning, graphic in nature*

In a drunken stupor, I fall down on my comforter
Baby blue sky covered in fluffy clouds of cotton.
I kick off my shoes, faded pink chuck Taylors
And make clumsy work of my shirt buttons.

I slip an oversized shirt over my head, Bart Simpson,
And pull it straight passed over my bra and panties, past my knees.
Now in the dark, on my bed, I hear the door creak open.
I turn to see your silhouette, and I hear the door behind you locking.

I sat up, before you lunged on top of me, and smacked me in the face.
I tried to push you off, but a little girl is nothing against a man.
Fear pinned me down with your arms, the look in your eye was crazed.
I yelled out as you punched me again, before stifling my breath with your hand.

I felt your fingers probe underneath my shirt, rough and groping.
The straps tore at my flesh as you ripped my bra apart.
I tried to push your hand off my face, I was having trouble breathing
But when you took your hand off and I gasped for air, it fell back against my cheek hard

I stopped trying to push you away, tears streaming, afraid you’d hit me again.
I bucked when your course fingers pinched, it only seemed to excite you more.
I cringed as you raked your nails deep down my stomach digging in.
You stopped at the top of my panties before yanking them till they tore.

Panic sliced through me as I felt you unclasping your jeans, understanding swept me.
I knew then what you intended to do and my blood ran cold at the thought.
You took your hand off of my mouth and threatened to kill me if I screamed
But I yelled anyway begging for help, preying that you would be caught.

I was silenced by a stinging blow that sent me hard against the head board.
Too disoriented by it to yell again before you were done taking off my t shirt.
Through blurry eyes and mind I felt your eager hands pillage and explore.
I was smacked again for screaming at how badly your fingers inside me hurt.

You showed no mercy as I screamed in pain against the palm of your hand.
You only continued to probe and play, talking dirty to me, making me talk back.
Through bloodied lips and wrenching pain I was abused by this man
He made me say unmentionable things about him, while he cruelly laughed.


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Love

It is there your love is like a star in the sky.
It lights my inner most darkness.
There your beauty is, cutting tears in my heart.
There you find love full of pride, happiness and feelings like any you could compare.
It is also of sorrow, hurt, anger and despair.
It is there I love with reason because of my life I hunt.
There I am always on prowl for the right one to give my heart.
To share my soul but to end my tiredness.
There I love just to feel all of this.
It is not my fault to whom I love, just to who I love.
But there God has given me the grace to knowing such one.
It is because of the kindness one might share, even if they are heartless inside.
It is still with feelings to which I love.
But with great honor to which I love thee.
It is of the loneliness I feel when I feel love.
It is there the emptiness is when there’s no one to share it with.
But it is the tear that wastes when there’s no one to care.
No one to catch the fall or wipe it before it runs down the cheek.
It is there I cry because you are not near.
Because of the hurt I feel but you are not here to kiss the pain away and say, it will be ok.
But there, love is all of me and my being.
Because it was of love to which God formed that of me and you.
But it was with thought, that he made that of you for me.
So I am not lonely but complete in my life.
That of the woman I love and none other will exist.
That there, I wish you were in my bed instead of the space I feel.
Because there, I will know I am fulfilled as I have got you to share my life with.
To wrap my arms around and whisper softly in your ear.
I Love You would be the right words you would hear.
But there, you know love is because it’s me you sharing it with.
A man with dreams but goals.
But a man who knows the true meaning of love because I feel its pain everyday.
That I would be happy to love for the right reason.
So all the hurt would go away.
But to love you would be my dreams but more then that, it would be my fantasy come true.
With lots of love from the one who cares.
With gentle kisses from my lips to yours.
I give you my heart, please be careful not to drop.
Cause it is already shattered from life as well as not having you to love.


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The Bottle

The Bottle 

 

He walked down and empty alley, with a bottle in his hand 
His face was old and rugged 
From the rough life that he had lived 
The bottle lead him to this point and brought him to his knees 
But he always had the simple choice to let go, to be set free 
He was a friend like a brother and we hung around the bars 
I'd drink a few but his was more 
And I saw he could not stop 
It got to the point where all the fun was drained from my good friend 
I chose another path and sobered up and walked away from him 
And he never took the option 
To walk the straight and narrow road 
The whiskey bottle held him tight never to let go 
The pain got into his soul, it's sting he could not bare 
He took a big slug off the bottle and put the gun to his head 
Because he never took the option 
To walk the straight and narrow road 
For the whiskey bottle held him never to let go 
Now the bottle does not hold him and the pain he no longer feels 
That rot gut whiskey bottle has finally set him free 

 

David Gary Pennington 


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The Sea Blue Eyes II

There she is the false image standing quietly
She is just standing looking at a beautiful flower
She notices her passion of earthy desire
Something is happening she burst into the sun
I look up as her hands grasp my face
Her sea blue eyes gazed at me
Her warm hand and then a bright light blinded me
I went down on my knees and cried
The salty water dropped on to the ground 
I live by the ocean so deep
I do not know how to swim
By the thought of a beautiful look 
That made me shake
With fear in my head I saw those Sea Blue Eyes
I cannot restrain myself she burst into the sun
What is going on is it just the feeling of being left behind
She was a desire and now I have none
Driving nuts and insane what will I do
Believing such a image is a dream
I walk on the sand by the ocean with flowers in my hand
Raising it to the sky and trying my best to lure her
The image came close 
It pulled me into the ocean I was soaked
What a lonely human being I am
I grope the sky with such desire
I look pitiful and look anguished
What horrible feeling I have to pull the beauty that is nature down
The wind blew one day the image once more appeared
A young woman standing beside a flower with deep Sea Blue Eyes
Looked at me a glance of hope and happiness came
I reached for her and all of a sudden I fell into a deep sleep
Months past they had told me that I jump off a cliff 
They explained that the flower patch was by it
I realize heaven and earth cannot be reached with out a sacrifice
With meaningless thoughts I would wonder of to the cliff area
To see the ocean were it meets and ends
I was told a story long ago that the feelings of the ocean can seep into your soul
The trend of this story came shortly after some deaths
I was fooled the lady with the Sea Blue Eyes can manipulate anyone
Ladies and men, she is an illusion of the utmost desire
Blaming everyone human kind knowing they are lyres
The ghostly images that creeps everyone is oneself
Desire falls upon those who are lonely 
Believe of the unnatural becomes science
The Sea Blue Eyes is no lie cause they have been taking souls
Through century they have been taking souls for tolls
I stood once again near the ocean reaching to the sky
Lonely I was ready to disappear 
One day she not the lady of the sea it was the one I knew
I was blessed that day she embrace me 
I then fell into a slumber of bliss and desire
Now I just hear voices and I am paralyze down
A disappointment I was fooled once more by the Sea Blue Eyes 

To be continue.


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Monster in the House

I could never understand how she could allow him to abuse us everyday.
Break broom/mopsticks over our body.
Inflicting such great pain that the abuse became the norm.
An everyday torment of blood mixed with screams and fear
I don't understand how we could beg her to please take us with her when the monster became upset
Only for her to grab her keys look down at us and say I can't
She returning home to her young now battered and bloody because the monster had a bad day
Her defenseless young souls had no strength to shield their flesh from the wrath of this predator
He is the hands that feeds her and maintains her lifestyle
She didn't want to give that up to defend her seeds
Each day was filled with fear of dying
Fear of wanting to tell but afraid to be separated from the others by the state
So you take the abuse
One year passes by
Seven years
Then Ten years pass by
You leave 
And something happens in your life that causes you to have no other possible option but to return to your past
Return to bad memories praying that the monster has changed
But you soon find out that he remains the same
You leave as soon as you arrived and now free from the hell of this demon
You pray and pray and pray that God will one day allow this lifetime of pain to heal and disappear from 
your memory
Even though this monster remains to be a ruthless beast
You pray to God that he may help you forgive
Always remember that being kind will result in you staying on top
For those doing wrong they have to continue looking over their shoulders
Each day trying to cover up their cruel intentions
Yet in due time they will reap what they sow
So don't return evil for evil
Don't stoop to their level
Remain calm and just
You will only win in the end if you do so because everything both good and bad comes to light


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a worthy weapon

For reasons unspeakable and meanings misunderstood, Her body was desecrated, mistaken for his good. Battered, broken, betrayed, and bruised, Her spirit was robbed from her, her trust misused. Confused and weary, retreat her only choice, The pain of betrayal silenced her inner voice. Emotions were unrecognizable, strangers if you will, Her feelings turned predatory, in search of a kill. Terrified of the unfamiliar heart that beat inside her chest, Her thoughts were vengeful and cruel at best. She had never known a pain so deep and so great, Instantly, she became intimate with the feeling of hate. The dangers of the world, were all at once revealed, Reminding her, betrayal had taken with it, her shield. Who would protect her, be there to keep her safe, Now that danger had taken on a new face? For now she had no crutch, there would be no beacon in the night, She herself would have to be a warrior, to survive this fight. And it was a fight indeed, she battled head on, Constantly being conquered from trying to face the battle alone. Armed with selfishness, anger, resentment and pride, She was desperately seeking a weapon, worthy enough her side. So, ravaged and weak, she called out into the darkness, And with her humility at hand, she was reminded of a promise. Stilly and quietly she started to recall, There was One, who had promised her it all. Promised there was a place with no sorrow or tears, And promised with Him, she’d have no evil to fear. She questioned her debt, for she had acquired many He assured with repentance she would not pay for any. She asked about His sacrifice and He humbly replied, For you my child, a thousand times over, I would have been crucified. With those precious words, she fell upon her face, Worshiping him, knowing she was unworthy of such grace. He wiped a tear from her face, and gave her a light in her heart Told her to go and be an example, that Jesus can be the start. The start of the beginning to a whole new life, Where your never left alone to face the struggle and strife. He made it clear to her; your Master will never leave you, She found comfort in the physical evidence of that that truth. She found He was living, inside her heart He is alive, No longer in fear, she can see the world in a whole new light. Now dressed in His armor, she is ready for battle, He helps her to mount, for today, she rides a new saddle.


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hope - part one

for you, m
-------------

pale horse led by shrouded spectre through foggy thicket
dark days behind them illuminated by soaring ember skies
saturated soil slick under their feet impeding their ascent
leafy shelter their only escape from the rainy elements

their trek is treacherously long, winding over the countryside
days on end, not another living, breathing soul in sight
the spectre locked in inescapable conversation with his mind
rationalizing the pain and loss given and taken without ask

muscles sore, aching back, throbbing feet, gasping lungs
resting against damp bark, drinking water from a leaf
looking, his eyes piercing through the thick foilage
a sign of life comes to him, the humming of a muse's song

a lady in white, aimlessly about, content to herself
her fingertips gently caressing both flora and fauna
stumbling over a tree root, her majestic dress soiled
the spectre witnessing, rushes over, aiding her recovery

her arm draped over his neck, rolled ankle hindering her steps
taking her fully into his arms, he seats her atop his steed
back on route to new life, the company now made three
her inquiries met with silence, not so much as a name spoken

destination reached, he retrieves the damsel from on high
carrying her through the inn threshold, to her rented loft
dressing her ankle, elevating it and massaging away discomfort
his eyes fixated on hers, remnants of his past reflecting out

== see part two ==


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Left

Left

© By Holly W. Schwartztol

Early on that morning
I wracked my brain
Trying to solve
A computer glitch

As I left the wretched machine
I rose and felt suddenly dizzy
And as the room spun

I chided myself
Saying this isn’t worth
Your having a stroke

I lay down on the bed
Listened to a disc
That promised 
Relaxation and rest

My head stopped throbbing
And the phone rang
The caller ID said
Mother

What was she doing at 
Home in mid-morning?
Only the voice on 
The other end
Wasn’t hers

But the 
Maid I’d never met
Telling me of mother’s 
Neck pain and strange speech

And then I knew
That my pain had 
Really belonged to her

That my dizziness
Reflected hers and that
It was she who was
In fact having a stroke

Frantic calls ensued
Between Miami and New York
A neurologist
Saying that the stroke 

Had been massive 
That the prognosis was grim
Words of paralysis
And irretrievable
Brain damage

I faxed the living will
Which is really the
Will of the living isn’t it?

We sat by her bedside
For four endless days
And then her breath
Was no more and she was gone.

And at 62 I was 
Suddenly an orphan
Both parents gone
The older brother
Having gone 40 years ago

How do I live in
This world
On this planet
As the lonely satellite

The last member
Of my nuclear family
Here to sift through
The pictures

And the letters
And all the memorabilia that 
Make up a life




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B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L

They say some girls just can’t be fixed
They say pain can always be felt
They say guys are easier to read than a novel
But who is they…
They is just a figure of speech that has no voice
No description or meaning
Any girl can be fixed or healed
All pain can’t be felt 
And reading one guy like an elementary book 
Doesn’t mean that the others are at such a low level
So why listen to the unheard voice or a song that has yet been produced
Live life full of joy and accomplishment
And surpass what the voice is saying
Living life day by day…Sunrise to sunset abundantly 
Is the only way to overcome the unheard 
What’s the word hot, cute, and sexy mean
Why is the word beautiful such a drive in a females heart
Both are heard from a human voice
Both go to the heart…but
Only what is unseen can be felt
We can’t see wind but its felt
We can’t see feelings but they pierce our bodies daily
We can’t see love yet we still feel the strength of its power
B…Because we are led to believe the unseen
E…Even though sometimes it’s so unreal
A…Associating with its uncertainty and loyalty
U…Unified and brought together what is seen and not seen to create an emotion  
T…Together growing into a feeling called love which can’t be seen let alone expressed
I…Involving two different aspects of live and making it become one
F…Fulfilling all of life’s expectations and becoming strong in what you believe
U…Ultimately overcoming all fears and disregards you may have against the unseen 
L…Love has been created  
That is why the word BEAUTIFUL is such a drive in a females heart
That is why I use it to describe what you are
Then unheard has no reward
But the unseen….has one

© Jeremy Fennell


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The Road To Peace- part four

I like to think that I learned how to be a good mother
By never doing it the way that you did.
I know that no matter how hard it gets
I never will take one second with them for granted.

I will love them every moment I have with them
And succeed in making sure they know it.
So that they can grow up surrounded in trust and love
And never be too afraid to show it.

I would never allow their fears to go un-noticed.
I would die trying to protect them from that world.
I will never rush them, or fail to protect them.
They will be free to enjoy being little boys and girls.

Pride will fill me where jealousy filled you,
As I nurture them and watch them grow
Though I cherish their childhoods more than anything,
I look forward to watching their lives unfold.

Of them taking on the world, enjoying its beauty.
Becoming strapping young men and lovely young ladies.
I dream of them finding a love like I found with their Daddy
And of holding my perfect Grandbabies.

I used to want you to pay for my pain.
I used to dream of ways to make you feel like I did.
I still wish you had had more compassion than to lean on me.
You were my mother, I was just a kid.

But I no longer wish you any more pain or revenge
Because I have risen so high above that, I can’t even see you.
Because you’re still in that world I ran so far away from,
Surrounded in that pain I once was so used to

And knowing that I will have everything you denied yourself
Because of your hideous and unforgettable actions,
I am finally free to find more worth while adventures,
Other uses for my emotions, and my passions.

This finality is like cutting through the last bar of the cage
And finally freeing that dark and abused beast.
into the sunlight where she is free and beautiful
Because unlike you, in my children’s eyes, I found my peace.



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Screaming and Showering

I screamed in the shower for a year.
I recall all of the pain and drear.
I remember blocking out memories,
Of harsh abdominal and back pain,
And the gruesome sight that I saw,
And how I was all alone and too angry,
To call you on the phone, and how 
You left me in ‘Roe to be with her in ‘Rouge,
Your new home,
Not knowing that you planted a seed,
And that it left and pain that you placed
On its mom caused its death.
No one I could tell because I was shamed
That I didn’t have your last name.
The incident was placed at the back of my mind,
And not felt again in my heart,
But once again 7 years later,
I become the narrator,
And you deny that this incident,
Or this seed could ever belong to you,
And I. I wish that he or she would now exist.
Now in heaven he or she is showering,
With the ultimate daddy.


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The Last Goodbye

The pain built up inside with smiles i attempt to hide savatage you say repetitively each and every day And its them you choose to believe I accept it because i am so naive little did you know there's pain i wont show it hurts so bad everytime you get mad turning everything on me why must this be do you think it's just that in me you refuse to trust yet in you i choose to confide all because there's nothing to hide trying my best to abide to maintain at your side but of course, in your head A thouseand lies I have said Did I mention? it was never my intention to attempt any kind of intervetion much less attract unncessary attention in my actions i have come to repent and it seems i'm the one you resent for everyone's wrong doings i must pay i have yet to figure out why when all th epain you've inlfincte makes me cry but then again you showed me a brighter day and for that i didn't dare say what was truly on my mind bottled up and to the truth remained blind protected with a sense of security Yet misunderstood with no clarity intentions behind you kindness Conniving and entirely ruthless Drawn in by the words you speak so dishonest, it's the truth i seek you've decided i must leave, Presently feeling trapped on a cold witner's eve i loved the things you do indeed feelings grew whch you overlooked, leaving it in the dust the "like" i had for you was nothing more than lust im not going to attempt anymore i'll just sit back and watch the rain pore, i thought with time you would love an dadore me and you would be in my glory i guess you weren't meant for me Because today you put an end to our story so with no remorse or regret I leave you with whats left of respect feelings and emotions, senseless with no touch You failed to realize the small things meant so much it takes dedicationand time to show love properly with no delay and at a stand still..... i must leave accordingly my love would have been good for you unfortunately, this type of love only comes once in a blue moon


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Rape My Future

I want to hide in the closet
My heart jumps with fear
I wish I wasn't here
The arguing begins to come to an end 
Tears began to escape my eyes
The shadow that locks my view
Is so cruel and devious 
I lock the door in fear 
Of what lurks in the shadows
What lurks beyond that door
The door knob turns with creaks of misery
The thought of what the cruel shadow might do 
Escapes my mind to hide in the dark corners 
Of the world that I was once afraid
Even though I fear the loneliness of the dark
The loneliness of the dark comforts my fears
The door opens in inches like a snake 
Awaiting its next meal like prey in the jungle
The pain makes the breathe escape my lips
The flesh to flesh touch makes my body numb
The rivers flow between thy legs
Where is thy protector?
I should speak for the cruel shadow
That shows me his pain and misery throughout life.
And now
Here I stand underneath the belt of poverty 
Rape my future
An I shall be one with poverties own.


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A Night of Silence

As I lie in bed,
I hear nothing
I see nothing
And I feel nothing.
I feel empty,
I am scared,
I am afraid
I am ready.
This is a night of silence,
In which is ruined.
I pierce it with my screams.
I cut the silence with my tears,
With my pain
I try to stay quiet.
Whimpers from my bloody lips,
As I touch my heart
The spot where I hurt worse
Where pain has no end.
Where I want to stick this knife.
Not the wrist cutting
Or the gun to the head.
No, it’s a blade 
A blade to my heart,
To cut off the pain
To stop the hurt,
To stop my fast hard breathing.
I pierce the skin
But then I stop,
I can’t go any further
Blood trickles down my chest
But I can still breath.
I touch my left breast
And I feel the blood.
I feel my pain draining
Draining from me,
As if I’m being cleansed.
I cry,
I sit,
I listen,
And I lie in bed 
And I think.
I cleanse myself
Now once again
It’s a night of silence.
I feel right,
I feel strong.
I am ready for the new day.
Ready for the darkness
And ready
For a night of silence.


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Vigil

Dusk’s gathering of souls each gesturing in solemn code Remembering their dead kindred’s past As flowers and their last remains are cast into the ocean’s embrace Nothing fulfilled their heart’s void or replaced Lost love , stolen during their most tender time Sometimes a child’s fate’s unkind Each kindred child yearning an intimate past An Inherent truth of fate , poisoned their sacred blood will everlast The lost’s kindred mature through solemn emulation How the young children integrate without elder expectations Practiced verbatim...echoes, remind... many of their trying times Each immersed in solemn prayer , in memory of the past Unseen their faithful savior’s task Some fail to realize some miracles are invisible to pain veiled eyes and to strangers whom the lost remain statistical Perhaps divine intervention’s mythical to those grieving whose belief is now disdain The dead number as the stars , each is a candle flamed burning in celebration of those unnamed Withheld faithless anger is diffused by regret as the elders were unable to avoid their children’s death Wisdom , blind faith, and prayer is critical Though most would trade this fate , to escape pain of vigil


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A Promise I Could not Keep

We were inseperable for many memorable years,
We enjoyed the laughter, overcame the pain and even cried some tears.
Whenever you were in trouble, I was your angel without the wings,
I taught you to be brave as well as to strive and achieve many remarkable things.
I was your Idol, your sister and your best friend,
I promised that we would be that way until the very end.
But Indifference, something interveened and we were suddenly parted,
The dreams we planned would never become reality and that too had left us  
broken hearted.
I realized that there was nothing I could do to keep us all together,
I then felt like a liar for having said that we would always share forever.
With our strength, we held on tight until they pried us away,
I bid back the tears and retained the pain as you screamed that you had wanted 
to stay!
With a trembling hand, I waved goodbye and for you, tried to appear strong,
Then fell to my knees in agony and plea, finding it hard to render that you were 
really gone.
Even now I can see that gloomy day play over and over in my dreams,
Oh God forgive me for making a promise to them that I just could not keep.


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Easier to Run

It’s easier to run
Than to stand and face the defeating sun
It’s easier to hide
Than to reveal all this pain inside

It’s easier to run
Than to ponder on all that has been done
It’s easier to fade
Than to dwell on all the mistakes that you made

It’s easier to run
Than to admit that you are the one
It’s easier to complain
Than to stand strong and face the pain

Life can be hard at times
And worry and pain can weigh you down
But keep your head held high
And your feet planted firmly on the ground
Draw your strength from in your heart
And trust in what you cannot see
Remember always that tomorrow will come
And no one ever said that this life would be easy

The End
By Greg P


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Dearest Lord

Dearest Lord:  Take away this pain inside and help your Love to be my guide, 
For all along lifes roads I see pain and suffering all in front of me,
I will take your hand and fight,though day seems like night, 
Your Love will walk in front of me, and clear the darkness for me to see,
I will abide by your rules dear Lord for those are our strongest tools,
to Love and Cherish each alone, as special beings of your own,
as I walk through this evil Lord, place in my hand a righteous sword 
Made out of Love and tenderness, so I can do my very best.


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R.I.P Mrs. Beyeres....

I woke up today
never knowing this would come
for I'd just seen you not a day ago
and there had only been smiles
we had been making plans
and your mother she just smiled and watched
how can we get back to that moment?
I never thought this then
but those would be the last
the last of the happy words between us.
I wish i could take this from you
i wish i could take it from myself
what where do we go now?
there is this gaping chasm between us
filled with this darkness
that drowns us in pain
your mother, they will say
no one can replace her
no one saw the street racers
as you two were getting off the freeway
no one could stop fates hands 
as the street racers hit you both
and the car rolled away
as if mere dust in the wind...
you were fine and i was glad
but my second mother?
she, she lay in her own blood
where do we go now?
i wish i could take this pain from you
i wish i could take this pain from myself
what do i say now
what words can be said..
nothing more than
may she rest in peace
may she go with god
know that we are here
to hold you up.
Remember those who love you
and know that your mother doesn't suffer here.
one day may we return to sanity.

RIP mrs. beyers who was killed in a car accident and passed away this morning after they
pulled her off life support, she was like my second mother and we mourn her loss, may she
be in pain no more though, and may we remember all the love she taught us.


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Once Inseperable

We were inseperable for many memorable years,
We shared the laughter, endured the pain and even cried some tears.
Whenever you were in toruble, I was your angel without the wings,
I taught you to be brave as well as to always strive to achieve
I was your mother, your sister and your best friend,
I promised that we would be this way until the very end.
But Indifference, something interveened and we were suddenly parted,
Your cries to be saved left me so broken hearted.
I realized that there was nothing that I could do to keep us all together,
I didnt even know how to answer when you asked If our absence would last 
forever?
We held on tight with all of our might until they pried us away,
I bid back the tears to fall from my eyes as you screamed that you had wanted to 
stay!
With a trembling hand, I waved goodbye and for you, I tried to appear strong,
then slowly fell to me knees in pain and plea having not grasp that you were 
actually gone.


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Happy Anniversary

                     
It has been a long time since I asked you to share my name,
   Thirty seven years from a glowing ember to a bright burning flame.
I can remember seeing you back then,
    How you’d just sit and practice writing your new name over and over again.
No one thought our love could ever grow,
    Most gave us only a year but they didn’t know.
They didn’t know our hearts or the love that caused this burning desire.
    They didn’t know that one little spark could kindle such a warm burning fire.
And now when we speak it’s two voices as one.
     And always wanting what’s best for the other is how this is done.
Compassion and pain are the things that make a love grow.
   Loving someone is compassion and feeling their pain is letting them know.
Like any marriage we’ve had dark clouds that loomed up above.
   But they weren’t strong enough to diminish our forever love.
A Norman Rockwell painting we were not and that is for sure.
    Family Circle cartoon would better depict us and the life we’ve had to endure.
But looking back brings a smile and that’s what it’s all about.
    And would I do it over again in a heartbeat without hesitation or doubt.
Happy Anniversary to you, my Darling, the Love Of My Life.
    With gratitude and love I thank you for being my lady, for being my wife.
I Love You


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Yesterdays Today Tomorrow

Plagued by yesterday. 
Yesterday is today.
Today will be tomorrow. 
Tomorrow guilt will follow.
Followed pain from sorrow. 
Sorrow of no hope to borrow.
Borrowed hope lost. Heart’s hollow.
Hollow heart from pain and sorrow.
Sorrow brings guilt into tomorrow.
Tomorrow will never be today.
Today will soon be yesterday.
Plagued by yesterdays today.
Tomorrow.


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Just a Fling

It started off as just a fling 
Nothing serious a simple thing 
Then my love for her grew deep 
It became hard for me to sleep 
People said we were too young 
Though we were she was the one 
Even still with feelings strong 
I was forced to do her wrong 
Cause I was just a scared young boy 
I played with her like a toy 
Then one day first period came 
I heard that girl shout my name 
I looked at her and walked away 
Not knowing her changes every day 
From the secrets that she had 
I learned that I would be a dad 
My time with her I did deny 
Now I wish I didn't lie 
She looked at me with such disgust 
In my words she once did trust 
How could I put her through such pain 
So I could be arrogant and vain 
Now the day is drawing near 
Would she still love me was my fear 
Or was my timing way too late 
To regain her trust and change our fate 
When I approached with teary eyes 
Her love for me she did not deny 
She told me that she loved my so 
And she never wanted me to go
She formed me to a whole new man
One who could love and understand
So with the largest stomach at graduation
I was her rock her foundation
And as those 9 months they quickly passed
I thought our love would forever last
One night she called and I awoke
When she yelled "MY WATER BROKE"
Just as fast as my happiness came
All my sunshine turned to rain
The doctors made me leave the room
At once there were screams that made my ears boom
I tried to suck it up and hold in my pride
But when I said I was okay it was all a lie
The doctor came out all teary eyed
"the girl u loved, she instantly died"
"but your baby sir she's healthy and safe
6 pounds 9 ounces that is her weight"
When I looked at you all I could do was smile
My pain left me for a little while
Now in you your mother she lives
In the sparks in your eyes and the warmth in your kiss
And though it started off as just a fling
To me your mother was everything


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Yesterday

I become who I am through my experiences
What happened yesterday develops into I am today
How I perceive events will be how I think
Who we are today was shaped by yesterday mishaps

This is what life is all about good an bad
It is how mankind has grown through the eons
It is also we grow in our lifetime
Who we are today was shaped by yesterday mishaps

Our surroundings and event shape who we become
Without them we don't develop,we become stagnated
Our emotions and personalities are self centered
Who are we are today was shaped by yesterday mishaps

The tragedies, screw ups, and even the happy moments
All shape our thoughts and response to other
We learn patience,compassion,love and even understanding
Who are  we today was shaped  yesterday mishaps

It is something through our hurting others that we need to grow
By seeing the pain we cause we expand our world to let them in
When we experience our pain we can relate to others
Who are we today was shaped yesterday mishaps