Now that spring has arrived on the scene
to get out in the garden I'm keen
can't let one more day pass
without cutting the grass
since the light through my window is green!
Copyright © Viv Wigley
Never dwell on your past,
Nor put the future last,
For the present dictates,
That time never waits,
And you never can feel love too fast.
Rush not through your life,
Lost in bustle and hype,
Just let yourself stop,
You'll find that it's not,
Worth all the long sleepless nights.
Life holds its lessons,
Peace and transgressions,
The sun shines each day,
Let light find a way,
In darkness start counting your blessings.
Copyright © Mike Jones
The world as we know it will end!
This warning the Mayans did send
But yes there's still time
After reading this rhyme
To honor Black Friday and spend
Copyright © Duke Beaufort
I have a theory to test
I always thought scissors was best
When I throw scissors down
A rock comes around
I should have done paper I guess
Next time it is paper I throw
And just like that don’t you know
His scissors appears
And my paper it shears
A rock would have won it and so
The next time it’s rock in my hand
I’ll win it this time – I’m the man
Then his paper comes out
Wraps my rock without doubt
This game I just don’t understand
But you know the next time we meet
He’ll be the one that is beat
I just have to think through it
Don’t know how I’ll do it
But somehow I’ll learn how to cheat
2nd place finish in contest
Copyright © mike dailey
With scissors, some paper and rock,
He tried hard to make a new clock.
But his efforts all failed,
And, frustrated, he wailed,
‘It ticks but I can’t make it tock.’
Copyright © jack horne
There once were two people online
Through e-mail their lives intertwined
They swore in each letter
That they'd get together
Neither one knowing what they would find
So one day when both had the chance
To see under what circumstance
They would think of each other
Be it friend, be it lover
Either way it'd be one heck of a dance
So the one went to the other's town
To see which emotion is found
But they must grow a bond
Before taking love on
Even buildings are built from the ground
The first day they soaked up some sun
Followed by dinner and fun
There was no stopping
Their bar-to-bar hopping
both drunk by the time they were done
They ended up at his hotel
"One more drink", she had said, "that sounds swell".
But the kissing, caressing
Led to them undressing
Ignoring their White Zinfindel
They woke the next morning perplexed
The ache in their heads had them vexed
They both had enjoyed
What they tried to avoid
Neither knowing what they should do next
So neither one spoke of last night
And both were nervous and uptight
But it would be a shame
to be pointing the blame
at what at the time seemed so right
But knowing it couldn't be ignored
They talked and their feelings were poured
They both felt confused
And a little bit used
But it was something they both could afford
When the trip came to an end
They enjoyed the time they did spend
With a kiss and a sigh
they both said goodbye
And to this day remain closest friends
Copyright © Moose Polk
You’ll find us tied up with regret
We elephants never forget
This isn’t myth bunk
Thoughts can’t stay in a trunk
But play with the brain’s tape cassette
Copyright © Duke Beaufort
Young Shakespeare didst say to his tutor,
"Methinks I wouldst be much astuter,
And per chance, I wouldst say,
Mightest write a screen play,
If some fool wouldst invent the computer."
Copyright © William Robinson
Out apon the sea.
Its hard to catch some relife.
Or find some time to set willy free.
It's a priates life no need to back your
Just grab a pint.
When in port avoid the sea hags.
Swab the decks and please if
ya gotta puke lean over the side.
Be a good little sea bandit
or you'll be learning were Davey Jones does
We got fish for breakfest supper and lunch.
Can somone please help the captain.
ya know with a hook for a hand its easy to
get your pants in a bunch.
I gotta walk the plank again ?
Hey it's really rude sticking me with that knife.
It sure would be nice if we put this ship in the water.
Do more than drinking and dreaming of the pirates life.
I really dont trust a captian with a poodle.
It really gets old being harrased.
And cleaning up fee fee's doodle
Dont let Larry steer.
After the tenth time it gets old.
running a ground to go fetch a beer.
No sir I dont belive we'll run into the loch ness monster
off the jersey shore.
No I dont belive the worlds flat.
And I dont care if the five year old first mate swore.
The crows nesk is a perfect place to hide from your
Were heading the wrong way check the gps.
Yes I really cant take this pirates life.
Yes captian I really doubt A mermaid stole
all the rum.
What's the catch of the day?
Sea monster sure I'll have some.
The captian is crabby and it's time for the
first mates nap.
The cook isnt crying cause he's choppin onions
Its cause he finished the briges of Madison County
yes he's a bit of a sap.
It's probaly not best to duel with a butter knife.
As we set sail yes mam we''ll have the first mate
back befor sundown.
It's kinda messed up living this modern pirates life.
Copyright © John Patrick Robbins AKA Gonzo
I'M GONNA GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE,
UNTIL I WOBBLE, WOBBLE, WOBBLE...
Copyright © Lawrence Ingle
There once was a farmer named Brock
Who was proud of his timely cock.
‘Cept it rose too early
Surprising his Shirley
On the day we turned back the clock.
Copyright © David Fisher
My first sweetheart soul was extremely sweet
The sweet fact, she was sweet enough to eat
An agape valentine (a·ga·pe [aa g? pay] 3 syllables)
My beautiful Clementine
My fault, marriage not given time to seat!
My next sweetheart from the very first start
Almost evident that we would soon part
Creature from black lagoon
Must get rid of her soon
This sweet’s nagging, truly her state of art!
Most valentines are sweet enough to eat
Giving a marriage time enough to seat
You wish you had of eaten
It would save from repeat-en
Romance is treat, alas she warms you feet!
For contest: Valentine Day Limerick
For and in honor of Francine Roberts
Copyright © john freeman
every year a new base
every day a new race
works often done
life always runs
thinking past of ......
walking fast as...
life always run
without new base
minding up down
thinking lane down
race rather goes ,
for everyone here ,
no hurry in between
for been furious in between
do not be fast so means,
do not be much slow
it can hang you up
and can shut you down
race always goes
if you are together
there can be a success for you
for those ,
who winds up the race.....
Copyright © arzoo akbar
And so a New Year has begun,
And old resolutions are done,
But whatever you do,
When making them new,
Remember to make them all fun!
Copyright © Sharon Smith
Should I lurk or should I lure?
I really don't know for sure.
But at any rate I shan't be late,
For I do not wish to hesitate
To appear at your front door!
I will walk,
And not stalk
Along the way
Will not stray...
(Jump that chalk!)
For your face doth wait
On our very first date.
I surely would hate
To show up late
And miss my fate!
Now it's time to go,
Wouldn't you know?
I had a good time
And like this rhyme
I did love it so!
But we need to kiss
And then must miss
Each other's face
Away from this place.
(I'll remember this!)
Yes, you can now bet
I'll never forget
How I so love you,
And you love me, too!
(And also how we met.)
Copyright © Quentin Ehlinger
Her swim shorts began to show fray
Hole seemed to get bigger each day
It spread up the seam
I thought I would scream
When chubby cheeks went on display!
© Sandra M. Haight 2015
All Rights Reserved
Contest: Dumb and Dumber Personal Quotes
Sponsor: John Freeman
“A Stitch in Time Saves Nine”
The 'stitch in time' notion has been current in English for a very long time and is first recorded in Thomas Fuller's Gnomologia, Adagies and Proverbs, Wise Sentences and Witty Sayings, Ancient and Modern, Foreign and British, 1732:
Copyright © Sandra Haight
There was once a young man from LaSalle,
Who quite loved to fall back in the fall.
But the spring's jump ahead
Found him lying abed
An hour late for his job at the mall.
His boss said, "Being late will not do.
Falling back means one springs ahead too.
We will show you the gate
If you come to work late.
Early bed is the right way for you."
Written for Debbie's contest. 3/2/15
Copyright © Joyce Johnson
It's two thirty, there's a knock at my door
Hey, it's my neighbour, what's he here for
"it's so plucky of you!"
Playing my Bagpipes the noo
If I wasn't, then what are you here for
Copyright © James Fraser
She devoted her time to poetry and blogs
Addressing his many nonexistent flaws
As if his was the family, being neglected
While she refused to address his rejection
And became something too sad to even mock
You see, Dawn had succumbed to her invective
Unmedicated and overprotective
But of all the wrong things -
The lies about herself she struggled to maintain
And an impossible dream objective
And so, Dawn rots away
Her own twisted mind's slave
Spending time on a man who will never love her
Of whose affections, she is quite sure
While the ones who do care about her are estranged
She thinks only of herself
And ignores her child's wails
Mocks her husband's needs
She is the epitome of greed
And of failing mental health
Her words against him are an inner reflection
Of the emptiness that has become her own life's direction
She gets more repulsive as she pines away
And her husband is tempted to stray
But she thinks he is a fool to her deception
And most of us caught in her narrative live on
While she babbles like a moron
Taking her hate and lies wherever she can
To try and further convict an innocent man
Oh, what a sad old witch, that Dawn!
Copyright © Mindy Gregersen
The Roses are Red
The Violets are Blue
The sunshine has got in me
And the Devil has, too.
The Sunshine’s hit Dragon
Oh what will we do?
He poo’d on my Roses
Oh I know what I’ll Do!
So I Gave him a bath
Most wonderous thing!
He’ll be stuck in the tub…
Come Hell or next Spring!
I know, I know
But The Devil won’t let go!
So I’ll Run to McDonald’s
For them lucky guys
These to bestow!
There once was a guy named Elliot
Who’s funny bone hasn’t broken yet-iot
But never fear… Grandpa Troll is here
Laughing and rolling on the floor like an id-iot
I know… I know… Don’t cry… at it!
Dragon’s the one who wrote-iot
Hey Dragon… I was THE ONE who started writing it… I say!
Well Yes… it WAS funnier that way
Well, OK! YOU WIN… I said with a grin…
Your such a silly Dragon-iot… I said with shagrin
Think he’ll get that one… in the end?
Well, Maybe just incase, I’d better start running… I say
My friends… won’t tell Dragon so it’ll be OK
Well…Maybe?… Naw… No Way!
And No…Dragon! I Did NOT get Carried AWAY!
Naw… No Way!
Copyright © Carol Eastman
Once again it's that time of year.
The time that we've all come to fear.
They take every dime,
It's tax season time
And poverty's getting so near.
All year I try to scrimp and save
And with spending habits to behave.
They snatch my savings
Despite my ravings.
Depression makes my spirits cave.
No matter how much you have paid
Your hope for a refund will fade
When forms are revised.
You'd best be advised
They really want ALL that you've made.
for Carolyn's "taxing time" contest
Francine Roberts 29/01/2011
Copyright © Francine Roberts
Why is it you never show me your face?
My feelings are hurt, so you I’ll replace!
Find another on which to pounce
Each time your team takes a bad bounce
The damage you’ve done cannot be erased
Even my fine leather is marred with grooves
From all your fanatic football fan moves
Get off your duff, I must rebuff
You’ve made my lining far too rough
Each time you move, I hope the team will lose
I have already called a moving van
To transport me to a gentler land
Where people of grace sip green tea
Pontificating times that be
By dawn in my place you’ll find the trash can
Copyright © Carolyn Devonshire
A gift during the time of the great V.O.C.
A symbol of stature it was meant to be
Made in the Netherlands
To replace hourglass sands
But the gnomon was not made for SA, see?!
The Old Sundial, gracing one of the entrants to The Gardens, Cape Town, was made to order (and at great expense) by a company in the Netherlands, on the request by one of Cape Town’s erstwhile governors. After it was assembled in The Gardens, someone noticed that the gnomon was facing the wrong way, IE It could not be used in the southern hemisphere! Same as moss grows on the north side of pines in the northern hemisphere, it grows on the south side in the southern hemisphere - due to the position of the sun ;-)
Please see the about section for further details regarding the references made in this Limerick.
Copyright © Suzette Richards
There was once a Scotsman called Jock
Who was always stroking his cock
But when the clock struck ten
He then turned to his hen
The egg basket is now restocked
Copyright © James Fraser
In the New Year I resolved to lose weight
I thought I'd start by using a small plate
But with a big sigh
I piled it up high
Dang, once more the idea not so great...
For the New Years Resolution contest.
Copyright © Barbara Gorelick
Time does our earth presence sever
But the post office is clever
And offers for sale
For its eternal mail
A stamp that is good forever
Author's note: The idea that anything associated with this planet will be consumed "forever" is peculiar and laughable. It is also destructive in that business holds the truth in shadows.
Copyright © Duke Beaufort
Paraphrasing old Albert Einstein,
"Compound interest's man's greatest invention".
But you'll be financially in trouble,
Expecting your buying power to double,
Because he never factored in for inflation.
Copyright © Mark J. Halliday
As I sit here and wonder where did it all go,
Why did I hurry to get here is something I do not know.
My life has pased by so quickly just a blink of the eye,
Can't remember all the things I've done or the reasons why.
What was the purpose of this it all seems so insane,
I'm left with nothing but emptiness am I to be the blame .
Where are my friends and family am I the only one left,
I guess because of what I've done this is what I get.
This isn't what I was looking for not what I imagined at all,
There is nothing I can say or do and theirs nobody I can call.
Will it ever become clear to me why don't I understand ,
Is this that wonderful plan was that God has made for man?
The path I chose to follow always seemed to take so long,
I'm begining to believe that just maybe that I was wrong.
Thinking about all the things in my life that have come to past,
Down deep I have always known that they were never meant to last.
So this is what it is like to reach this old age of mine ,
I'm starting to see that it was never really about time.
Waiting seems to be all there is for me to do these days ,
Untill the time that light shines bright showing me my way.
Feeling much better now that I have come to see,
That there was a plan and it was made especially for me.
Copyright © TIMOTHY CARTER
It’s Iron Bowl Time in Alabama
By Elton Camp
Watching football may be okay
Even following it, play-by-play
However, I say, “Ho, hum”
Don’t care about the outcome
For I will use my time another way
(For readers outside Alabama, this refers to the extreme fanaticism so often seen here about the football teams of the University of Alabama and Auburn University. People who have attended neither school get all upset over it and tend to build their lives around the fortunes of the two teams. I think that’s going way too far about a dangerous child’s game.)
Copyright © Elton Camp
Hey, today's just today, you say!
Well, then, what about yesterday?
Wasn't today tomorrow yesterday?
And when tomorrow is today
Is today not yesterday, eh?
Yes, t'is not yesterday, today or tomorrow
For any way you say you must borrow...
To solve that old riddle you need to know
That you can avoid that serious sorrow
By admitting that each day is NOW, no?
Copyright © Quentin Ehlinger