Submit Your Poems
Get Your Premium Membership




Limerick Husband Poems | Limerick Poems About Husband

These Limerick Husband poems are examples of Limerick poems about Husband. These are the best examples of Limerick Husband poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

If you don't find the poem you want here, try our incredible, super duper, all-knowing, advanced poem search engine.

Details | Limerick | |

Viagra Falls

There once was a man from Niagara
whose wiener's so long it would stab ya'

but when it got little 
his pills became skittles   
until he O.D.'d on Viagra

© ~JSLambert  2011*****A classic "stiff" competitor, standing "firm" amongst other "members" in the "thick" of the competition:) hope everyone gets "a rise" out of it!

Copyright © JSLambert Mister ROBOTO

Details | Limerick | |

-Divorce Club-

~~ Divorce  Club~~


Haiku   * divorce trip *
---------
broken promises
eclipse of the sun and moon
dreams that fall like leafs.

Limerick  * never settle*
------------
Like a  gun to my head of course
I married the end of a horse
love was never real,
kids no big deal.
Wow! I gain more money after divorce!

Couplet   * forever vows *
------------
I meant them words "for better or worse" during our holy matrimony
The better now has hit me, once  the Court ordered alimony:-)
 
by;p.d.

**OKAY I'M NOT GOOD AT EXAMPLES**
      

Copyright © Poet Destroyer A

Details | Limerick | |

An Unappreciated Housewife

He walks into the room each day at six
As around their Dad all five children mix
     He smiles at them with glee
     Meantime he sneers at me
So I get prepared to take all his licks

“What have you been doing all day?” he asks
No appreciation for all my tasks
     “Washed clothes and changed diapers
     Don’t need any gripers”
This insensitive father wears two masks

Each morning his breakfast is served on time
Later, vodka collins are served with lime
     He never shops for food
     Says my cooking’s no good
And when he bathes, the tub is filled with grime

My Mom said, “Men just work from sun to sun,
But a woman’s housework is never done” 
     I found a new game plan
     A hearty, handsome man
Together, my husband we could outrun




May 25, 2012
*Entry for David’s 3 H contest

Copyright © Carolyn Devonshire

Details | Limerick | |

Divorce and Remorse

Two hearts became one

Now they follow different paths –
 
   Divorce with remorse



He complained constantly of my cooking

Café reservations always booking

   Said I drove him insane

   But boy did he complain

When I left for someone better looking



The complaining has stopped, but the house is so quiet

So I pick up the phone, invite him for a riot



Haiku, limerick and couplet for the Divorce Club contest

Copyright © Diane Locksley

Details | Limerick | |

The Broken Vase Of Love

Is never a crime so earn me awhole. 
For all whom thoughts were crack in noon,
And still do not think is right left being dumb.
Would in pre-nuptial undertaken sauntered, when lifted'd had  imagined what the world is of its own. If it's a wistful pan of several host or A spiteful mine of volcanic tusks?

Copyright © kelechi Emeaba

Details | Limerick | |

Cheaper To Keep Her (Divorce Club)

(Haiku)- * Motive, infidelity messing with the Queen Bee's Honey*

Queen Bee sits on throne,
Bumble and drone bees as one
Sample flowers dew

------------------------

(Limerick) - *Admission of guilt leads to compensation*

Indeed this is how the story unfolds,
Pete said, "It's a poor rat with only one hole"...
Love had taught a sad lesson;
Divorce court was now in session,
Judge rules favor, Pete's pockets full of holes...

----------------------------

(Couplet) - *Take vows seriously payback often belongs to Spouse - Queen Bee*

Love said, "Pete too late you've opened your peepers"....
"Man, you should know it was cheaper to please her"!






Submitted for P.D.'s Divorce Club Contest (Haiku-Limerick-Couplet)

Copyright © Adell Foster

Details | Limerick | |

New Househusband


This househusband washing his pants
In pockets he must at least glance
If there’s money involved
It might get dissolved
And ruin his future finance

I thought working from home was a snap
And I’d even have time for a nap
But she makes me do chores
Like the laundry and floors
Now this working from home is all crap

Do we post this on Poetry Soup
Let your poetry pals in on the poop
That you street cred’s been stripped
That you’re now “kitty” whipped
And you’ve joined a househusband group

Mdailey	11/10/11

I wrote this for Joe Flach and he even gave me permission to post this saying he did not think his reputation could get any more damaged that it already is.

Copyright © mike dailey

Details | Limerick | |

Ten Little Indians

You perfected your lies to an art.
You succeeded in breaking my heart.
I shed not one tear,
for the hour is near,
when arsenic will keep us apart.

Copyright © Gerard Keogh Jr.

Details | Limerick | |

Woman-Owned Business Maker

Self-employed and partner in life
He "hired" some other guy's wife
Making golfing balls
Now he has two holes
My new business ?...Surgical Knives...

for Carolyn Devonshire's "Horrible Bosses"

Copyright © iolanda Scripca

Details | Limerick | |

Who You Callin' Fattie-A Limerick

There was an old woman called Hattie
whose hubby's name for her was fattie.
So she cooked his goose
hung him from a noose
then buried him in a cow pattie!

Copyright © Deb Wilson

Details | Limerick | |

My Ex For Sale

Come one come all my ex for sale
His underwear being sold in bale
                 Naked on the block
                 Glad he is defrock 
His chest shows fear at the exsale

Copyright © Joy Wellington

Details | Limerick | |

A Happily Ever After Marriage

There once was a poet extraordinaire,
Who composed sweet poetry with great care. 
She wanted to find true love.
So, she prayed to God above.
He swiftly answered, “Sweetheart, you must forbear.”

Forbearance was her lonely heart’s nightmare.
She was a passionate woman with flare.
Singing in a high octave.
Counting petals of foxglove.
She drank martinis alone in her lair.

A brilliant mind with hope and a prayer,
Resting her head on a lonely armchair.
Praising spirits up above,
She heard Ron’s voice, cute white dove.
Alas, she found him…marriage…love so fair.

(Linda-Marie, I used your profile picture for inspiration for this contest entry.)

© March 31, 2011
Dane Smith-Johnsen

Copyright © Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen

Details | Limerick | |

The Awwwsome Driving Lesson

The neighbors were running in fear
As into front room car did steer
What fate had approved
His words soon removed
Your parking’s improving my dear

Copyright © Martin Kloess

Details | Limerick | |

She really did get this call

I wish I could be a fly on the wall,
  
When my poor old mother gets the phone call,

        “He’s here at the bar
  
        Quick bring us your car,

Your husband just got in a brawl”

Copyright © Tirzah Conway

Details | Limerick | |

Double Disappointment

I woke up in rapture, when she started to sing.
Naughty whispers in my ears, “Someone’s coming”
My ecstatic view;
A child is due!
Then she continues, “My mother’s visiting”

Copyright © Nitesh Aggarwal

Details | Limerick | |

Some Limericks...

She’s out there chasing a cricket

Through bush, through shrub & through thicket

Together they hop

Fugitive, cop

But when she gets it, she just wants to lick it!
 

A cat whose vet took his eye

Just cannot quite understand why

His eye’s been enucleated,

3-D vision reduciated,

So now, he keeps an eye out for an eye

 
Ya gotta keep limericks loose

Think green eggs, or perhaps Dr. Seuss

They’re structured, it’s true,

But they’re also a zoo

Whose tenants are all on the loose!


I frolic in fountains of words

Overflowing with serious absurds

Each poem I write

Wakes up and takes flight

Joining angels and faeries and birds

 
You ask that we write a good limerick

How to do so, I haven’t a glimmerick

So I struggle and frown

Teaching  poems to clown

So a smile on your lips will be shimmerick

 
A cat with a mouth full of mouse

Brought her feast right into my house

She played with her food

Who was not in the mood

To be a banquet of mouse in the house

 
The nightmares that shadow my sleep

Stampede the proverbial sheep

Right out of my mind

When I try to unwind

I find my appointment with sleep hard to keep

 
In her search for original truth

She met people unsavory and couth

She knitted and purled

But only unfurled

Yarns told by new age and old youth

 
Cat, suddenly pink,

Drinks her water from out of the sink

She looks so absurd

Since she’s been de-furred

I really don’t know what to think!

 
If one and one is two and two is four,

And there’s only two ways to go through  a door,

Then, is earth up or down?

And, where is down town?

These are questions we need to explore!

 
A was that is an is

Tried to mind my biz

But I sent it packing,

Its presence was lacking

And I don’t have time for such shiz!


A couple who lived in Los Lunas

Loved the wide desert sky’s crystal blueness

They’d stare at the air,

Over here, over there

And rejoice at the feeling of newness

 
A cat with a very fat gut

Found it easier to walk on his butt

He’d drag it around

Across carpet and ground

And use it to slam the doors shut

 
Said the Missus to her dear Mr. Otter,

“There’s something I think that you oughta

Do before we get old

To protect us from cold –

You oughta make the hot water hotter!”

 
The ghosts who live up in my attic

Make noises that sound much like static

I’ve tried to send them away,

But they’re here to stay,

Those staticky ghosts in my attic

Copyright © Rev. Rebecca Guile Hudson

Details | Limerick | |

The Rogue Rhymer

There was a girl who spent too much shoppin’
The mean hubby said she best be stoppin’
So she started to mourn
But Rogue Rhymer was born
And now her checks are no longer hoppin’

Copyright © Natalie The Rogue Rhymer

Details | Limerick | |

Limerick: Once a wife Nurse and husband Doctor

Limerick : Once a wife Nurse and husband Doctor

Once a wife Nurse and husband Doctor
Loved the meat served from Clinic larder
So they went in to see
Found morgue bodies for free
Since then stopped buying meat from butcher.

© T. Wignesan – Paris,  2013

Copyright © T Wignesan

Details | Limerick | |

Meet the Husband

“We can’t go on meeting like this
‘Cause my husband’s all in a hiss”
- I found out: She’s right.
- met her husband tonight
I think it’s my face I will miss.

Copyright © Jack Clark

Details | Limerick | |

Full Circle

Just out of college, we would yearn for a touch
Sleeping together cuddled on the couch
Those were the days!
Of pre-wedding bouquets
Now I am told to go sleep alone on the couch

Copyright © Nitesh Aggarwal

Details | Limerick | |

The Secret

Once upon a time, thirty years ago,
In front of a priest I stood with my beau.
“Over time”, he hailed;
“The secret will be unveiled”,
“Of a truly happy marriage”; but I still don’t know.

Copyright © Nitesh Aggarwal

Details | Limerick | |

Rita

There was a young woman named Rit-a
who married herself a big cheat-a
When all's said and done
she found out she's one
does not need a man to complete -ha




written may 13 th,2013 for contest 5 Minute Challenge
sponsored by Russell Sivey

Copyright © Deb Wilson

Details | Limerick | |

Eine kleine Nachtmusic or a little serenade

Is this Mozart's musical score
Or sonata of sounds I abhor?
I have a good ear
But I'd rather not hear
The loud notes composed when you snore

Copyright © Duke Beaufort

Details | Limerick | |

Limerick: Once a Cossack in tundra cassock

Limerick : Once a Cossack in tundra cassock

Once a Cossack in tundra cassock
Crept to spy on his wife : got a shock
She lay stooped in prayer
Without a stitch on her
Guess whose head was on the butcher’s block ?

© T. Wignesan – Paris, 2013

Copyright © T Wignesan

Details | Limerick | |

Sons Of An Zeus Man

<                           once came along pair gemini twins
                             castro and pollux from third sign in
                             well sons of an zeus man
                             all from mercury clan
                             sharing wealth of intelligence sin

                            with ever compatible libra scales
                            along with aquarius that wales
                            fire signs given few
                            pisces they known too
                            beneath sun and moon's with semi's tale








Written By Katherine Stella  6/26/11


Entry For Nette Onclaud's
Zodiac Zones Contest
G.L. All

Copyright © Katherine Stella

Details | Limerick | |

Divorce Party

As two drift apart
   Apathy is the death knell
     .....sorrowful ending.


You are cordially invited my friend
To a party celebrating the end
Of ten years of wedded bliss
(All the rest were  hit or miss).
Please bring your own bottle if you attend.


So why do I not feel in control of my life
Now that I am no longer anyone's wife?





for P.D.'s Divorce club contest in form haiku,limerick, couplet

Copyright © Francine Roberts

Details | Limerick | |

Terminator IV--The Wrath of Shriver

A husband's mistake in the sack
His marriage might seem to attack
Maria got hurt
By one little squirt
And Arnold can't say "I'll be back"

Copyright © Duke Beaufort

Details | Limerick | |

Girl in my Class

There once was a girl in my class.
One day I tried to make a pass.
My cheek still sting,
My ears still ring,
Yet married to me; Alas!

Copyright © Nitesh Aggarwal

Details | Limerick | |

Valentine Exchange

a limerick

No longer sweehearts, but I need a gift.
For just a day can we forego our rift?
You get me a puppy dog;
I'll buy you a marble frog.
On Valentine morn, exchange will be swift.

I'll treasure the frog, hand-picked and hand made;
you'll dote on your puppy without charade.
The gifts are no bother
we'll share with each other.
Just be glad, I didn't choose a grenade.

 
 

Copyright © Reason A. Poteet

Details | Limerick | |

The Woes of a Househusband

The Woes of a Househusband

There once was a rich attorney named Joyce.
She fought for women's lib with a strong voice.
Her husband raised their baby.
And cleaned their house like crazy.
As she approached the bar, he lost his choice.

© August 26, 2010
Dane Smith-Johnsen

Copyright © Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen