The world as we know it will end!
This warning the Mayans did send
But yes there's still time
After reading this rhyme
To honor Black Friday and spend
There once was a lady named "Mom"
Who had a hard time keeping calm.
But she knows how to sew
And garden and mow
And she's a farmer on facebook.com
She's a grandma to Mel and Harmony
She's a young wife for "Gramps" who's 70!
She calms the waters
Of her four lovely daughters
And best of all she puts up with me.
Santa Claus has been unemployed all year
On the dole watching TV drinking beer
Ms. Claus was going berserk
Its Christmas time you fat jerk
Get off your duff and saddle up them deer
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
Placed No. 1 in Francine Roberts "Christmas" Contest - December 2010
To save some money on Halloween
I use a technique and must come clean
Wear a scary disguise
Children emit loud cries
I laugh as they run away and scream
This is a true tale, I must confess
And it’s surely worked with much success
Come hither if you dare
The local kids think that I’m possessed!
*Written in honor of John Freeman and his "Boisterous Comedy" contest
Written by Gail DeBole
When a turkey, who yearly escapes
From his owner's Thanksgiving plate,
Was asked to reveal
Why he's never a meal
He said, "That much of a turkey I ain't!"
Note: Thanksgiving is celebrated on the fourth Thursday of each November in the United States. President Abraham Lincoln proclaimed this as an official holiday in 1863.
Christmas trees made of flimsy plastic
No thanks, Santa, I'm not that drastic
Predecorated trees? No!
Don't want a Christmas "to go"
This tinsel nightmare is fantastic
Salvation Army man rings his bell
Hoping apathy he will dispel
The reason for this season
To forget seems like treason
As we watch store owners pockets swell
The three wise men had it right you see
Worshipped a babe, not a tinsel tree
Omit the nativity
And create a travesty
Commercialized Christmas: Not for me
Entry for the Commercialized Holiday Humor contest
Cotton Candy is a pumpkin who
Is known as White Pepo too.
Her nice rounded shell
She keeps very well,
And one day she met Baby Boo.
Baby Boo is quite small, and at night
He might glow, an albino pure white.
He is both good looking
And good at cooking!
He and white Pepo make a rare sight.
Cotton Candy (White Pepo) and he
Got together, and baby made three.
With skin color cream,
The baby’s a dream
And he’s part of the Ghost family.
Like his Mom, maybe better, is he.
Ghost can keep for a long time and be
Just like his Dad too.
Like that small Baby Boo,
In the oven he can bake sweetly.
Another White pumpkin, meanwhile,
In Carol’s patch sat on a pile.
Smooth, round and pure white,
An adorable sight,
Is this pumpkin with decorative style.
Other pumpkins can read this and weep
For Halloween has a new peep!
For MINE, cute and small,
Has the name of Snowball
And clear up to Christmas can keep!
For Carol Brown's
"What No Orange Pumpkin" Poetry Contest
When I saw them coming I knew what to do
Straightened out the white sheets and pulled my mask down, too.
When the doorbell rang I yanked it wide
Three sets of eyeballs stood there white eyed~
They didn't expect my ghostly "BOO"!
"Trick or Treat" one finally professed
My staring gaze...they thought me possessed.
I grabbed a handful of candy for each
And with an alabaster hand stretched out my reach~
I thought, "Another Halloween Conquest"!
Who needs parades or who gets the wing?
We have no need for carols to sing.
For what matters today
is:" Get out of my way!"
as Black Friday and bargains are king.
< ladies ~ gentlemen ~ start those ...... engines
miss ~ Ho ~ down - prices .... would be a sin
best buy - circuit city
black ~ friday .... how pitty
5 am ~ now ~ who ~ wears ~ smiling ... grins
k- mart ~ wal - mart ~ target ~ pennys
red tag sales of many and plenty
but you must buy in bulks
and ~ get ~ guy ~ like ~ the ... hulk
to ~ push ~ cart ~ while ~ you ~ chat ~ with ... jenny
let's ~ all ~ hop ~ on ~ over ~ to ~ I - hop
your one stop for christmas breakfast slop
sure pancakes sounds yummy
but wait till hits tummy
be sitting on stool till it plops
Commericialized Holiday Humor Contest
Gl All And Happy Holidays
Love Kathy & Jenny