There once was a man from Niagara
whose wiener's so long it would stab ya'
but when it got little
his pills became skittles
until he O.D.'d on Viagra
© ~JSLambert 2011*****A classic "stiff" competitor, standing "firm" amongst other "members" in the "thick" of the competition:) hope everyone gets "a rise" out of it!
Copyright © JSLambert Mister ROBOTO | Year Posted 2011
I’d heap spoonfuls of sugar in my tea
I wouldn’t drink it without it you see
That sweet syrupy drink
Wasn’t poured down the sink
Every single drop was supped up by me!
Dad’s diabetes made me think -
Did I need to sweeten my drink
So I cut sugar out
And I don’t have a doubt
I’m slimmer and I’m in the pink
Contest: Two Lenses
Sponsor Sara Kendrick
Copyright © JAN ALLISON | Year Posted 2016
My favorite shoes in the closet they sit.
I've never worn 'em not even a bit.
Cuz before I was born,
By my Dad they were worn,
I'll not wear them 'til I'm sure they'll fit.
Just for SKAT's contest
Copyright © William Kershaw | Year Posted 2011
I wish I could be a fly on the wall,
When my poor old mother gets the phone call,
“He’s here at the bar
Quick bring us your car,
Your husband just got in a brawl”
Copyright © Tirzah Conway | Year Posted 2011
To the proud parents, Anna and Theo
A serious lad, silent and thorough
A clan of preachers
And dealers of art
From the southern Netherlands came Van Gogh
When sent to school, he did not want to go
The separation led to much sorrow
But he learned to draw
Whatever he saw
Sent off to sell art in Paris, Van Gogh
His happiest time, and now in love, oh
Till the landlady’s daughter told him no
Now a broken heart
Surly to sell art
Fired from his job in Paris, Van Gogh
Vincent sought out a coal miners’ burrow
A priest of sorts, but a squalid fellow
The church was appalled
And cursed his resolve
To the asylum for crazy Van Gogh?
His father baffled, on the verge of foe
Art interest, once again, began to grow
Back to school again
This time, in His name
To paint in the service of God, Van Gogh
School’s out, back to his parents he would go
Using neighbors as subjects to ditto
Proposed to his cousin
Which she found disgustin’
Burning his hand to see her, holy Van Gogh!?!
Now off to The Hague, a family furlough
To live with Sien, a boozing bimbo
A man to see ya…
Three weeks in the hospital for Van Gogh
The pain of loneliness drove him back home
Once again, a failed love with fair Margot
Then Vincent’s father died
He grieved deeply inside
The tragedy further refined Van Gogh
Finally, Vincent’s work was in the know
“The Potato Eaters” made an art show
Just add more color
Said his dear brother
Rubens brightened the dark gloom of Van Gogh
Vincent’s diet: coffee and tobacco
Mixed with absinthe began to take its toll
Though he kept on painting
Then Paris, more training
The end was getting closer for Van Gogh
The masters: Monet, Degas, Pissarro
Cezanne, and Seurat in his studio
Influenced his style
Learning all the while
That time was running out for Mr. Van Gogh
Then he moved to Arles, bad health in tow
Completing great works the whole world would know
“Sunflowers” (in vase)
“The Café Terrace”
Minus one ear, the frail, ailing Van Gogh
With his tattered mind, and mournful woe
Committed to the asylum, Mausole
With his final works
“The Church at Auvers”
“Starry Night” was painted in pain, Van Gogh
“At Eternity’s Gate”, he was sorrow
Wandered into a field, farmer’s fallow
Put a bullet in his chest
In hopes of peaceful rest
“The sadness will last forever”, Van Gogh
Copyright © Beau Regard | Year Posted 2011
There once was an old man from Thomaston
Who said old rats like cheese like young rats, son
~~My favorite shoes sport rat~~
~~Who eats chunk cheese where he sat~~
Constant reminder of old man with pun
(About a year before my father died at age 96,
we went to a funeral and a lady of about 38 to 43
years old escourted him from the family car to the
cemetery..The farther they walked the more he
leaned into her..My husband said something to him
about it..He said old rats like cheese just like young
rats..I found a pair of pj with shoes with the rat and
cheese..Always a reminder of my father..)
Copyright © Sara Kendrick | Year Posted 2011
He’s sorry and wished it undone
But dad’s home—there’s no where to run
The spanking's intense
Father never relents
And imprints his hands on his son
Copyright © Duke Beaufort | Year Posted 2011
No, Monopoly isn't too speedy
And the deals you make often are seedy.
Common sense then, forbids
Me to teach to my kids,
But I did, and it made their dad greedy.
Now, my daughters are sweet little dears,
They're eleven and nine (in earth years).
So we sat down on stools
And I taught them the rules,
An hour later, someone was in tears.
I was mean and I pushed and I bossed,
Played to win, didn't care what it cost.
But my kids are too smart.
Despite daddy's black heart,
The next thing I new, I had lost.
So a word to the wise from a guy
Who's afternoon plans went awry:
If you can't stand to lose
To your kids, then don't chose
Monopoly, they'll see you cry!
For "Monopoly the Game of Life" contest
by Jason Talbott
Copyright © Jason Talbott | Year Posted 2011
When we look outside
we can see many things
We dream about what we see
We try to get the things we see
There will be competition and envious
to get the things and we aim high
and we forget about who we are.
When we look inside we just see
the opposite of what we see outside.
When we look into ourselves it is easy to find
who we are and what is our purpose of our life.
When we look inside we see the good and bad things,
right and wrong things clearly and able to distinguish.
We are in peace and love when we look inside,
when we look outside we do not have the time,.
because we are rushing to get the external things
When we are really awaken we try to look inside,
and lead a healthy peaceful and happy life.
Copyright © Dolly Bhaskaran | Year Posted 2012
The people who were still alive
Helped other survivors revive
All this didn’t bother
An excellent father
Who just taught his daughter to drive
Copyright © Martin Kloess | Year Posted 2013
Had a glass of wine to blend with the crowd
things got out of control, a bit loud
kept thinking Jesus sipped
probably didn't get so lit
I bet thats how they stained the shroud ! ?
3rd person of coarse/no disrespect/lol
Copyright © Rick Parise | Year Posted 2010
Their well being covers every corner of his conscience
caring for them is his default so beyond science
even when he seems wicked
he’d not mind to go naked
for love in their life to have a high rate of prevalence.
Copyright © Funom Makama | Year Posted 2016
My fathers’ cute little words and sayings,
Like, that is just for the birds, in lashings.
Akumpucky in way,
Epigutis he’d say.
My father was big man in displaying.
Akumpucky was cream or compound.
Epigutis was the disease he found.
His words were so very cute.
You would never try dispute.
Powerful man would win any round.
Sponsor Francine Roberts
Contest Name My Parent
Copyright © cecil hickman | Year Posted 2011
What’s life’s punishment most severe
That oft fills these old eyes with tear?
While fathers wonder
At rest six feet under
Their children’s future is not clear
Copyright © Duke Beaufort | Year Posted 2010
There was a baby, brand new,
But the father was scared of his poo,
So the father departed,
The mother then started
To clean up the brown baby goo!
Copyright © Jacob Timme | Year Posted 2012
NOSE WOES - limerick
My nose told me it couldn’t get riper
as I opened and peeked in the diaper
one last gasping breath
succumbing to death
single shot from intestinal sniper
John G. Lawless
Copyright © John lawless | Year Posted 2015
Limerick cochetés: Our great uhr-Father from Africa
Our great uhr-Father from Africa
Hallowed be Thy fame in high Valhalla
The Asian walk-about
Down backbone coccyx snout
Who didst Thou mate in Peninsula Malaya
To produce orangutan Malaysia
Did our great uhr-cousin Gorilla
Chimpanzee when in doubt
Precede Thy walk-about
Swinging from tree to tree to Australia
To judge by great life in Southeast Asia
Smoke-filled lungs from HAZE in Sumatra
Death penalty for tout
With drugs- Hell for khalwat*
Is there doubt who preceded whom from Africa
• khalwat: (a Muslim – all Malays - religious law)
According to which, no Malay may marry a non-Muslim nor be found in close proximity giving rise to suspicion of promiscuousness, law enforceable by religious courts whose officials are empowered to spy on offenders and report their activities to the relevant authorities
© T. Wignesan – Paris, 2015
Copyright © T Wignesan | Year Posted 2015
Limerick: Once step-Father gave daughter away
Once step-Father gave daughter away
But first exercised his rights of sway
Droit de cuissage decree*
Gave to Wife repartee:
Doubled their joy now in every way!
* In European feudal societies during the Middle Ages and thereafter
in succeeding centuries, it is thought that
the Lord of the Manor or Seigneur of the Serfdom arrogated for himself
the Droit de cuissage, i.e. the right to sleep with the bride of a serf on
the wedding night.
© T. Wignesan – Paris, 2014
Copyright © T Wignesan | Year Posted 2014
Dad let his beard grow
he said the horns
show his man.
Copyright © Patrick Farley IV | Year Posted 2012
Hey Son, I wrote this to warn you
In your whole life, many girls are coming through
You might have only girl to love her much over
But you have to remember that do not hurt your mother
She is my only girl too...
Copyright © Panya Chanthavong | Year Posted 2016
Relativity says go faster
And time travel backward you master.
But no tempting your fate
Making out with a date,
Cause kissing your dad’s a disaster.
Copyright © Jennifer Weible | Year Posted 2008
Adopted a young son by the name of James
A rebel from the word go, he had no shame
His only good trait
Made great chocolate cake
Don't know his secret but his looks gave him fame
© Jack Ellison 2015
Copyright © Jack Ellison | Year Posted 2015