Upon this very merry Christmas night,
Mrs. Claus has reason to be uptight,
Not Rudolph’s nose that’s red,
But Mr. Claus’s instead,
He rides slopes in sleigh with Miss Fanny Bright!
For Christmas Contest
Sponsored by Francine Roberts
Mrs. Santa on last Christmas Eve
Was so naughty , at trying to deceive.
Not the slightest bit coy
When she met her toy~boy....
Now , believe what YOU want to believe .
Rudolf the randy raindeer
Took his lady friend out for a beer.
Then he took off his clothes.
Showed~off his red nose..
Saying.. who the hell said, I was queer...
What's the worst place at Christmas to be ?
Perhaps a turkey~dish laced with gravy....
It's more painful and airy
To be some poor fairy
With your +++ on the top of the tree .
A COOL YULE , TO ALL YOU GOOD SOUPERS.....
"Pets on Parade"
on Christmas Eve two kitty cats were sleeping
as Santa Claus climbed down the chimney creeping
Excalibur started to purr
Gabriel raised his black fur
poor Santa was startled and began weeping.
while Santa was chased by playful felines
trotting toward them a band of hungry canines
sweet Venus the white Wstie
was growing quite testy
for commotion interrupted her night sublime.
Thor and Thunder twin midnight blue great danes
frolicked in fun as Santa reached for red candy canes
they took giant licks
opened Santa's bag of tricks
as Raider the Shepherd smeared frosty windowpanes.
pretty pets on parade on Christmas Eve
had a jolly good time you best believe
sharing cookies and milk
with the Moon smooth as silk
and Santa was so happy to leave.
*For SKAT'S Calling All Pet Poems ..
On his annual flight about the earth,
Santa continues to expand his girth!
'Tis due to cookies and milk,
And other treats of that ilk,
That he samples from Botswana to Perth!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(c) All Rights Reserved
“So tell me,” I asked the young boy,
“to whom does one owe Christmas joy?”
But the lad looked at me
and just said, “Can’t you see?
It means when you get the best toy!”
“Do you know why the wise men rode far
on their camels to follow a star?”
With surprise in his eyes,
he said, “How were they wise?
They should have just driven a car!”
“Do you know why we have Christmas day?”
But here’s all the poor kid could say:
“You spoke of some dude
that those ‘wise guy’ pursued.
Just WHO was this ‘star’ anyway?”
For Carolyn Devonshire's Contest:
Commercialized Holiday Humor Contest
There once was a flawed broad named Maude
who wished to spend Christmas abroad
she ate Christmas dinner
with penniless sinners
for that was all Maude could afford.
Well ole Maude brought them black tea from China
and chocolate cakes from a diner
they ate guinea pig
and many a fig
while Maude poured them wine from Carolina.
Yes you've guessed it, I see that you knew
in Peru they eat Guinea Pigs in stew
they wear colorful hats
and watch out for black bats
Maude's dinner will be in Cusco, Peru
Tommy had loved music all his life
And he enjoyed playing Christmas carols with his fife
But when he came downstairs on Christmas eve
He just couldn't believe
The present Santa was giving to his wife
So he hollered out to St Nick
" Hey, that's not the present I picked"
But Santa kept saying ho ho ho
While Rudolph waited out in the snow
Then Tommy awoke from his dream real quick
GOD: the goodness of determination,
a standard for better living creation.
to differentiate a civil or wild nation,
for smoothness a better flow no tension,
only patience, belief, trust asks to confirm.
Cookies must not go to waste
Specially those of great taste
So right passed my lips
And straight to my hips
I WILL let them go to WAIST
I so love to munch and munch
They’re brittle now with a crunch
The flavors- still great
But don’t satiate
They’re great with my office lunch
My body keeps them in store
Why can’t I get through the door?
Should have thrown them out
Now I am more “stout”
Ok, perhaps just one more?
Eileen Manassian Ghali
Merry Christmas to you, Uncle Sam
Leaving the jobless with hat in hand
Congress on a Yuletide roll
Brought an end to public dole --
They’re cooking their goose, not Christmas ham
*In honor of Francine's "Christmas Contest"