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Limerick Angst Poems | Limerick Poems About Angst

These Limerick Angst poems are examples of Limerick poems about Angst. These are the best examples of Limerick Angst poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Princess Needs A New Car

Princess just wants a new car.
I have told her that hers will go far.
'Oh, it's really not cool
driving this crap to school.'
'Do I need that emotional scar? '

'The kids will all laugh at the rust.
When we race, I'll be left in the dust! 
I will save up some cash
then we'll make a mad dash
to the car dealer surely you trust'.

'He will make us a wonderful deal
and I'm sure you will know how I feel.
I will love you so much, 
My siblings... I won't touch.
Just get me behind a new wheel'! 

Now she'll be cruisin in style.
She'll be happy for only awhile.
There will always be better
and we'll try hard to get her
a car that will make princess smile.

Details | Limerick | |

Taxed to the Hilt

My hero is Henry David Thoreau
Rather than pay taxes, to jail he’d go
     With Uncle Sam’s hand out
     Thoreau turned up his snout
Refused the poll tax, voting he’d forego

An elderly woman across the street
High property taxes she could not meet
     Her house went to foreclosure
     Homeless, died of exposure
While the politicians live on High Street

Jonah dwelt in the belly of a whale
No taxes on such a home did prevail
      But as soon as he got out
     Jonah faced taxes no doubt
Moby Dick's "inner condo" is for sale

Entry for the Taxing Times contest

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A Life Game: Greed

What will their eternity win?
Greed, as a vice makes some men grin.
Money is their God.
Poor folks bear guffawed.
Then games bring a different kingpin!

© June 1, 2011
Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen

Details | Limerick | |

Barky Von Schnauzer

At the risk of being called “rabble-rouser,”
I think poor old Barky Von Schnauzer,
should practice his aim,
his master to maim,
in the back end of his very best trousers!

My hero I would call dear old Barky,
if he could just muster the stealth of a sharky,
and covertly steer,
right straight for the rear,
of that great big old bag of malarkey!

I think I should send Barky a big four leaf clover,
so his bad luck would finally be over,
he could retire his fame,
move away, change his name,
to Bowser maybe Lassie or Rover!

Obviously I have been driven completely insane by that stupid t.v. commercial!
Happy St. Paddy's Day!

Details | Limerick | |

Holy Follicle!!

Oh, I am so angered, outraged and appalled
I think that I’m going bald
My dad had great hair
So I never really cared
But, to the hair club for men I am called

From my butt, they could extract some hair
Because I think I have so much to spare
But I cannot tell
Do you think it would smell?
Oh well I think, I’ll just leave it there

Details | Limerick | |

Cheaper To Keep Her (Divorce Club)

(Haiku)- * Motive, infidelity messing with the Queen Bee's Honey*

Queen Bee sits on throne,
Bumble and drone bees as one
Sample flowers dew


(Limerick) - *Admission of guilt leads to compensation*

Indeed this is how the story unfolds,
Pete said, "It's a poor rat with only one hole"...
Love had taught a sad lesson;
Divorce court was now in session,
Judge rules favor, Pete's pockets full of holes...


(Couplet) - *Take vows seriously payback often belongs to Spouse - Queen Bee*

Love said, "Pete too late you've opened your peepers"....
"Man, you should know it was cheaper to please her"!

Submitted for P.D.'s Divorce Club Contest (Haiku-Limerick-Couplet)

Details | Limerick | |

Main-Stream Media Have-A-Heart Trap

Each day foul critters infest our house
Though not by slipping in like a mouse
We just press a button
Or buy a subscription
To get news wrote or spoke by a louse

These creatures of the two legged kind
Try hard each day to persuade our mind
With sly information
That helps the causation
Of the falling apart of mankind

They tout the need for unearned welfare
Claim hard earned profits are so unfair
And granting amnesty
Is a good policy
Plus growing our debt is fine they swear

For those who work hard earning their way
Give what they can and put some away
Are sick of the slackers
Prodded by the backers
Whose aim is using half truths to sway

It’s hard to ignore those talking heads
But it’s not right to tear them to shreds
Yet there’s a solution
And with execution
We can spread liberty in their stead

We’ll put Obama pic’s and golf caps
Along with a taped speech that he yapped
In a human sized crate
Coz it’s time to create
A main stream media Have-A-Heart trap

Like it or not, these traps are humane
But anyways, we’ll have much to gain
So, once we have caught
All those who have brought
Disinformation causing brain drain

We’ll squeeze all of them in through a pipe
Along with politicians who hype
And immorality
Into a sphere of the livable type

In there they can tax to the extreme
And promote their harmful fairness schemes
But when they’re out of dough
They will lip read our NO!
Since their bubble is a sound proof dream!

Details | Limerick | |

The Good the Bad and the Ugly Divorce

Let Him Go (Limerick)

Our mom told us how she chose her beau,
With an “eeny, meeny, miny, moe!”
Of course it didn’t last,
With a choice so half-assed!
But at least it taught the fool to grow!

Child Support (Haiku)

Parental disputes
Had placed us in the middle
Of their divorce wars

Divorce (Couplet)

He left her to fend for us alone, blasé with his remiss,
She chose to break this conjugal bond without marital bliss.

For (Destroyer ((Poet’s ~DIVORCE CLUB~ Contest

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Nosy Neighbor Nuisance

She's "concerned" that my mess is immense
"I work late." Is my latest defense
Yes, my yard is a wreck
But IF you must peck
Your big NOSE might get stuck in my fence

So you KNOCKED my troublesome trooper?
Tell ya what you prim party-pooper
I will warn you once more
Poke your head through MY door?
I'll slam it right square on your snooper

Details | Limerick | |

three seconds left

 First he slinks off the field with a miss,
 so forlorn, then the chance to do this.
 Will we boo him to shame?
 Will we drink to his name?
 The ball is down. The kick is up! The kick is...

Details | Limerick | |

Twin Brothers

Freddy and Teddy are exactamundo twin brothers.
They are nowhere near as funny as the Smothers.
They take their crass gross comedy act on the road.
All of those in the audience would rather be using the commode.
Most would prefer to have their throats slit if they had their druthers.

Details | Limerick | |

Big Fat Lies

I always was a fool for you
Eating your lies with a silver spoon
Now I’m on a diet
But you still try it
Gagging me with a new ruse

Details | Limerick | |

Throwaway Child

Nikki was an illegitimate child.
She grew up fast, she grew up wild.
She ran away from home at age sixteen.
A pimp killed her when she turned eighteen.
This is a cautionary tale of a throwaway child.

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From The National Poet Of Slovenia In A Language People Understand - E PLURIBUM ANUS


In modus fasciculumque Brady pus.
Rogationes, confractum egemus.
Minara excommunica
Ripa nostra, sus amica,
Sic superbum precum, pape beatus.


The National Poet Of Slovenia In A Language People Understand moves in mysterious ways. Just ignore him.

Details | Limerick | |

Just Desserts

Thaddeus Dowdell was a right proper chap,
Who said pip pip, tally ho and the rest of that crap.
He married a young lady just as arrogant as he,
She looked down her nose at rabble such as we.
Thankfully, both were hacked to death by a crazy ninja Jap.

Details | Limerick | |

That's A Nice Living.

They assure you when they take your case
they will put your world right back in place.
So you shoulder the cost,
then they tell you: "We lost."
with such touching dismay on their face.

Details | Limerick | |

Maniac Jack

Fatty Jack
Is a maniac.
He ate a turd
From a sick bird.
That’s a sad fact.

Details | Limerick | |

A Trip to the Dentist

I went to the dentist today,
And the fee that I had to pay,
For one little tooth,
Was highly uncouth.
It's highway robbery, I say!


Details | Limerick | |

Oh Well

Bill stared at a cute butt going by.
Wishing he were much bolder, he sighed,
"I would give all my pay
To roll that in the hay."
But looked up to see 'she' was a guy.

Details | Limerick | |

Poor Choices

There once was a prison for boys.
To some, guns were not only toys.
They had too much fun
Life lived on the run.
Confinement has very few joys.

Teachers taught; helped some of them learn.
Disturbance sometimes took a turn.
“Teach” treated them right.
Boys “partied” at night.
In the classroom stomachs did churn.

An offender has feelings, too.
Not just an animal at the zoo.
But crime has a cost.
One's freedom is lost.
There's no more McDonald's, for you!

Fast food was not their only loss.
Prison guards were mixed in the sauce.
Obey what they say.
Or suffer their way.
Survival or cry; it's a toss!

Exercising in the hot sun.
It's what they must do to have fun.
With sweat pouring down,
Some cuss and some frown.
Poor choices, have this privilege won!

© May 30, 2011
Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen

Written for Poetry Soup Member Contest:  BEHIND BARS BLUES 	 
Sponsored by: Miranda Lambert

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The young man from Dover

There was a young man lived in Dover
And he was the son of a rover
He fell into the sea
Cause clumsy was he
A shark came and it was all over.

Details | Limerick | |

Act of cruelty

Act of cruelty

I believe that an act of cruelty
Is to take away child’s security
So let it be said
When two people wed
Make sure it’s a certain surety.

18 April 2014 @ 0815hrs

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Cool Tool

He was sitting calmly by the swimming pool.
He was looking real good and feeling cool.
A great looking redhead showed up in a skimpy bikini.
He started up a conversation trying to get the real skinny.
He was hoping that she wouldn’t realize he was a lecherous tool.

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Overt Sensitivity

Dear Sweet Ramona is real easy on men’s eyes.
Even the slightest hint of sadness brings tears to her eyes.
She became a nurse and went to help out in Afghanistan.
The depths of depravity there she just could not understand.
Now permanent tears of sadness flow continuously from her eyes.

Details | Limerick | |

Easter Hijinks

While I was out watching the children hunt for Easter eggs,
The neighbor’s dadgum dog kept trying to hump my leg.
A nasty stray alley cat killed the doggone Easter bunny.
For some strange reason the kids thought that was funny.
Then my good wife brought me an ice cold beer straight from the keg. 

Details | Limerick | |

Brown Bag Flu

I made myself sick with the brown bag flu,

     From drinking too much of that “Mountain Dew”;

          So here’s what I say,

          NO drinking today;

                I pray this never happens to you!

Details | Limerick | |

A Ghoulish Meal

It is kind of ghoulish, kind of funky,
To cook and eat a darn monkey.
It is not half bad if you like goat meat.
I would suggest you try the legs and forego the feet.
You can’t call it lean meat because it’s somewhat chunky. 

Details | Limerick | |

Bad vacation

Bad Vacation

I took a vacation to Broome
And rented a nice little room
I tripped on a stone
And broke a leg bone
And this it did fill me with gloom

I borrowed some crutches, did I
But let out a terrible cry
A crutch it did break
I fell on a snake
I thought I was going to die

As I laid in a bed looking sad
The bed broke and I was hurt bad
My two hips were broke
And it was no joke
The shrink he proclaimed me quite mad.

12 July 2014 @ 1351hrs.

Written for Carolyn's 'Vacation humour' contest.

Details | Limerick | |

The Raghead Nazi Limerick

Raghead Nazis are really not all that bad.
They treat womenfolk like worthless crap and that is very sad.
They like to stick dynamite up their own asses
In order to blow up kindergarten classes.
Then again, maybe the dirty stinking rats are indeed all that bad.

Details | Limerick | |

A Distempered Horse

There once was a skinny horse name George.
Poor ole soul lived alone in a gorge.
Three fit sheep came his way.
They were traded that day.
Matted, bony, his belly engorged.  

Onward He forged, living on the brink.
I’ll save him, one young maiden did think.
Head hung; life was his game.
George, his infamous name.
She prayed; from his needs, she did not shrink.

George would not drink; lips were cracked and dry.
She asked God, “Please don’t let him die.”
Water was his kismet.
Sweet feed filled hope’s bucket.
She cut out mats; whisked away each fly.

Six months later, George was still alive.
Lips were moist; he ate; began to thrive.
With some flesh on his bones,
And relieved of his groans,
The day of her moving would arrive.

The time came when George had to be sold.
Half Arabian, not very old
Registration papers.
The old trader’s capers,
You promised them, the young girl cajoled.

How could he live; does he have luster?
Papers lost; no death by distemper.
Confessions on that day,
The girl went away.
Compassion to the horse did whisper.

New owners bought him, his health still poor.
His price and potential was the big lure.
They quickly changed his name.
Greener pastures, the game.
Star’s beauty became his life’s encore.

© June 7, 2011
Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen

Written for Poetry Soup Member Contest: A Horse Story 	 
Sponsored by: Carol Brown

(Based on a true story)

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Proud Poet John

Once a proud poet named John Entered a contest and won But words he wrote down Caused many to frown Now John is completely withdrawn

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Farm Boy Lost

Farm boy Judd McFadden joined the army and was sent to Afghanistan.
Three months later he was shot and killed by a sorry jihadist from Pakistan.
His buddies crossed the border,
Despite a direct order,
And chased down the lousy dirty stinking rat bastard devil worshipping Taliban.

Details | Limerick | |

Psychotic Episode

One day very soon
I’m going to the moon,
Or maybe the sun;
I forget which one.
I’ll be there by noon.

Details | Limerick | |

Uglies In Love

Freda Cheda was a skank.
Her whole dang body stank.
Frank “Fugly” Ugly loved her anyway.
He thought about her night and day.
They got married and it was quite rank.

Details | Limerick | |

Way Back Yonder

I was madly in love once upon a time way back yonder;
When a goose wasn’t a pinched ass, but a bird called the gander.
I was sent off to war and she went only God knows where.
Historians agree that it was all worth it in the end, but they weren’t there.
The old saying is entirely true, absence does make the heart grow fonder.

Details | Limerick | |

The Midnight Hour

Late in the midnight hour
When fear gains its greatest power
Dreams transform into nightmares
And tiny mice become gigantic bears
Causing sleeping children to cry and cower. 

Details | Limerick | |

Belated Regrets

Gina is a slim little gal.
She married a Wop named Sal.
Sal is a hit man for the mob.
He maims, he kills, he robs.
Gina rues the day she ever met Sal.

Details | Limerick | |

My Wine

Time to curl up with a bottle of wine,

    I’m not going to share, this bottle is mine;

          If you want a drink,

          There’s more by the sink;

    And I don’t want to hear anyone whine!

~For the Bottle of wine, (fruit of the vine, when.......) Contest~


Details | Limerick | |

Deep Doo-Doo

Lonnie is a real creep.
He drives a beat up jeep.
He robbed a preacher’s son.
Now he is on the run.
He is in doo-doo real deep.

Details | Limerick | |

My Friend Ben

I knew Ben.
He was my friend.
He was struck by lightning.   
That’s quite frightening.
I notified his next of kin.

Details | Limerick | |

My Sweet All Sour

" I am sorry!" as I told you before.
You keep saying that I must do more.
Should I break down and cry?
Should I curl up and die?
Either way- you still walk out the door.

Details | Limerick | |

Jolly Wally

Wally Johns was a very jolly fella.
He slipped into a very fancy gala.
Immediately Wally lit up a smoke.
Then he told an insensitive tasteless joke.
Now Wally Johns is a sad toothless fella.

Details | Limerick | |

Nine One One Call

Whoa! Whoa! Slow down a bit girly.
You are starting to sound a little squirrelly.
You say you saw a ghost?
And he looked like a TV game show host?
The best description you can give is that he’s big, white and burly! 

Details | Limerick | |

God's Children Too

Rednecks are God’s children too.
I know that makes liberals sing the blues.
Get the hell over it!
Excuse me, I gotta spit.
I do dearly like to hear self-loving liberals cry boo hoo.

Details | Limerick | |

One Titty

There is a girl living in the city;
She was born with just one titty.
Her one tit is really big,
It kinda looks like a pig.
She’s free and proud and seeks no pity.

Details | Limerick | |

Front Page News

The plane went down.
All on board drowned.
Their relatives grieve.
They are really quite peeved;
Because the airline officials are clowns.

Details | Limerick | |

Fruitless All Nighter

In college I frequently pulled all nighters
And showed up for morning tests somewhat less brighter
     With caffeine and pizza I struggled to stay awake
     And was always prepared for exams to take
To excel on the curve, you had to be a fighter

For twelve hours straight, I crammed names and dates in my head
History consumed me and I never went to bed
     Memorization proved a successful technique
     But my brain grew weary and my eyesight was weak
I always entered the classroom feeling half dead

But never did I experience more dismay
Than I felt when I walked into a class one May
     To find I was the only student in the room
      Within there was quite a sense of impending doom
The test, you see, had been scheduled for the next day

*Limerick series for Paula's "The Light Is On, But Nobody's Home" challenge

Details | Limerick | |

A Million-Dollar Dream

One dollar buys a million dollar dream.
Lotteries excite thoughts of esteem.
One day I bought a ticket,
My angst began to fidget.
Until I screamed; then went to redeem!

Details | Limerick | |

The hunters search for glory

The hunter’s search for glory

Now here is a little story
Of a hunter’s search for glory
He shot at a bear
But didn’t take care
And then the story turned gory.

13 March 2014 @ 1520hrs.

Details | Limerick | |

Full Circle

Just out of college, we would yearn for a touch
Sleeping together cuddled on the couch
Those were the days!
Of pre-wedding bouquets
Now I am told to go sleep alone on the couch

Details | Limerick | |

Not the material guy

Not the material guy

I’m not the material guy
Ambitions were never for I
I’m always the one
That gets noting done
I’m a dreamer, I cannot deny.

My mind it is not very clever
My heart is as light as a feather
My manner is free
Like a bird in a tree
And I never will worry, not ever

Just like a river I’ll flow
And always my heart it will glow
I won’t push the river
So life does deliver
A feeling that each day does grow

Until the day that I die
I won’t let a day pass me by
Without looking at me
At within, what I be
As always I’ll ask ‘Who am I?’

18 September 2013 @1800hrs.

Details | Limerick | |

Christmas Shopping

I bravely went Xmas shopping at the mall Took my plastic, trying to buy gifts for all I started to sigh then began to cry Ill be paying for this junk until next fall...
For Carolyn's contest

Details | Limerick | |

That Elusive Ingredient

I'm feeling a right nincompoop; my spirits are starting to droop. I need to amaze, a magical phrase, which wins me first prize - in the Soup. ~
For Andrea Dietrich's Limerick Contest.

Details | Limerick | |

It's a Miracle!

There once was a drifting skydiver.
He looked down below with grave terror.
He was falling in a tarn.
At an alligator farm –
So he prayed, then he ran on the water!

© July 11, 2010
Dane Smith-Johnsen

Details | Limerick | |

You create a world all Alone

So many days have gone by 
I wish I had wings to fly
I would of never done wrong
If I knew I would be here for so long
My life is within these four walls
Oh how my life has taken such a fall
It still shocks me to think I'm still here
I still have to wipe away my tears
One by one I count the long days
Higher it gets the days I've been away
I never seem to know
The day I will get to go
So I created a world of my own
With so many people I've never known
So many come and go
Its sad to see them go
Some say they'll keep in touch
But it doesn't mean that much
Cause many who leave this place
Run far from here like its a race
When they're finally out they start to forget
The ones in green so many of them they met
No matter how many friends in here you make
Whether they are true to you or fake
Always keep in mind
This one little line
You come alone 
You leave alone

Details | Limerick | |

Take a Hike

Don’t forget the insect repellent

Mosquitoes can cause such discontent

     These bugs make me itch

     Watch me swat and twitch

The cost of “Off” is money well spent

Written April 3, 2014

Details | Limerick | |

Eight Years

It’s been eight years, and it still feels the same
As it was then, I seem to have no aim
                            Peer pressure
                            That of a fresher
Searching for my own claim to fame.

Details | Limerick | |


When your tooth aches, life just is no good.
There's some aches that can't be withstood.
Stubbed toes I can handle
They don't hold a candle
To the pain that doth test my manhood.

The unmistakable look on my face
Like I swallowed the whole can of mace
And I can't be for certain
Exactly which tooth is hurtin'
Please pull them ALL out, just in case.

Dental hygiene is good and deserves
All the praise for the teeth it preserves.
But when it starts to slip,
Pass the Polident Dentu-Grip.
The great thing about nerves!

Details | Limerick | |

Take Love's Sip

Take Love's Sip

Life is all too often filled with discord.
People fighting wars, brothers die abhorred.
Visiting fantasy-land,
Dreams float by without demand.
Get a grip!  Take love's sip; follow the Lord.

© July 31, 2010
Dane Smith-Johnsen

Details | Limerick | |


When stormy turmoil assails your boat
Desperately struggling to stay afloat
Drop the anchor; sever the chain
Endure on deck; embrace the rain
Proclaim your defiance with opened throat

Details | Limerick | |

Driving the streets of Mumbai

The streets of Mumbai have a different motif, 
That will fill your head with complete disbelief. 
The rules that you know,
Will all be too slow,
As you flutter around like a leaf.

The torment of traffic starts when you go,
Cuz whatever you do you just cannot know.
They zim and zam,
And thank you ma’m,
Your wits about you, you’ll just have to show.

Lane markers if any are completely a scam,
In the space you may fit with a slight bam-bam.
On the left and the right,
It will seem quite a sight,
But it will keep you out of a jam. 

The motto of course is “Might has Right”
Doesn’t matter if you’re dumb or if yer bright.
Get out of my way,
Is to survive today,
And heavens don’t stop for a light.

Approaching a turn on the left you’ll stay, 
But it’s likely to cause your head to sway.
Horns will sound, 
But don’t look around,
Or in the middle you’ll be of the fray.

Tuk-tuks by the thousands are chief,
As they ply the streets like a thief.
On a prayer and a song,
You’ll drive real strong,
And a safe journey you’ll have with relief!

Details | Limerick | |

The East End, Ends

It's goodbye to mad Frankie Fraser The East Ends gangster appraiser So loyal to the Kray's To his very last day One the Sixties ultimate erasures .

Details | Limerick | |

Another Talent Arrives

There was a man named Ed Coet,
Who turned out to be quite a poet,
He spoke from the heart,
Thus he did impart,
And now all of Soup does know it.

Details | Limerick | |

In this Battle to find a True Man

You said you'd always be there
And never let my heart tear
My past made me think the 
It was hard to trust you at first
I kept barriers with the way I 
But your words made me melt
You proved you'd never make 
me cry
So I thought I'd give you a try
Your presence brought me joy
You made me believe I was no 
Things started to go well
You were the one I could tell
Just as I started giving you my 
Things began to fall apart
All the promises made you 
started to break
I finally knew you were so fake
You mesmerized me with your 
And acted like you were no 
But all you ever wanted was a 
pass time
You treated me cheaper than a 
It was a joke to you all along
You didn't care how much you 
did wrong
Now I'm left to think how blind I 
I was so stupid to fall for your 
You must be so proud to be you 
I bet I'm just one of the few
Your game will make you go 
When karma gets you so bad
Yours actions have made me 
Now I'm ready to fight harder
I won't be a fool no more
Its like being in a war
In this battle to find a true man

Details | Limerick | |

Naked Dreams

Fifty years old and back in high school
Standing here naked like a total fool
No one seems to care
That I am totally bare
Not noticing me is much more uncool

Details | Limerick | |

OO He Makes Me Wheeze

Such a handsome, rugged man I met
Saw his photo on the Internet
     He drove a hundred miles
     So we could exchange smiles
Just one kiss, I was caught in his net

His cigar smoke wafted with the breeze
But once indoors, I began to sneeze
    My eyes started to tear
    Sore throat I could not clear
Now I hear him snoring as I wheeze

His drinking is really not so bad
But my lungs suffer more than a tad
    Each time he lights one up
    I don a filter cup
To enjoy the pure air I once had

*Entry for Susan’s Offensive Odors or Noise Pollution contest.  Based on true experience.

Details | Limerick | |

A Drunken Spider

A Drunken Spider

There once was a huge golden-silk spider.
Bobby Joe ran to sit down beside her.
He threw some sticks at her web.
Her frustrations did not ebb.
So, he sprayed on a liquor elixir.

© August 4, 2010
Dane Smith-Johnsen

Details | Limerick | |

Conscientious Spark

There was a nice lady inspired from haedes,
And there wasn’t any ifs, ands, buts or maybes,
She liked to think she was nice,
But those thoughts couldn’t suffice,
as she voted for the right to kill God’s babies.

Details | Limerick | |

The Political Fence

I sat on my Republican fence.
Looking at politicians from thence.
And what did I see
Looking back at me?
Disenfranchised freedoms with no sense.

Details | Limerick | |

Indian Democracy

There once was a man, who wanted gold,
As quickly as it came; his soul, he sold.
Cops tossed him behind bars
The judge called it all a farse
Now in the parliament, he is enrolled. 

Details | Limerick | |

Silent Threat

Think Mom dumb? Fear makes numb! Fink Cupid's arrow Fly like sparrow Why succomb?

Details | Limerick | |


we reach for nothingness
these things we cannot caress
our days never return from their nights
a women never receives her rights
long lives we live in games of chess

Details | Limerick | |

We Are Had - Fire Them All

Pandemonium threatens the land . . .
we woke up and it's not Disneyland.
Congress can't make a plan,
they're just kicking the can
Down the road; we are all on quicksand.

November 16, 2014

Details | Limerick | |

Down and Out

“Stay away, I can’t afford to be sick.
Hand sanitizer please, and make it quick!
I can’t have the flu,”
I moaned as I puked -
“I’m out of Tylenol, Nyquil, and Vics!”

For "Sneezing Limerick" contest

Details | Limerick | |

The old lady called Nell

An old lady names Nell

There was an old lady named Nell
One day on her belly she fell
She let out a fart
That dirty old tart
Oh blimey! That woman did smell.

9 July 2014 @ 1317hrs.

Details | Limerick | |

FREE CEE one or two of the six people who will read this might find it humorous

                          WAVE THE WAVES GOODBYE
there once was a beach in beleze
upon which a girl begged me "please"
so i put my hand
where nature had planned
and that's how i got this disease
  (c) copy write PHREEPOETREE ~free cee!~

Details | Limerick | |

Waiting for poetrysoup-dot-com

Waiting for poetrysoup-dot-com
Spinning wheel’s hamsters – my brain goes numb
     Will my comment be posted
     Before my vision’s toasted
Please just wake me up when it is done

Sometimes I read and spend half my day
Hoping each comment will soon display
     To return comments, I try
     Slowly, a minute goes by
Raise the speed before I drift away

If your time is precious to you too
There must be something else you can do
     Take a walk; check when you’re back
     Hamsters may have left their track
If there’s an error page, start anew

Details | Limerick | |

One Neurotic Fly

One fly flew down the Interstate
Longing to rest and meditate
Near a waterfall
Where hummingbirds call
That place where dreams anticipate.

So many sites to fascinate
His mind began to marinate.
In a field serene,
There was a latrine.
One site he could appreciate.

Mushrooms, he thought, would germinate.
He soared and did not hesitate.
Gossip he heard folks tell.
Embraced the stinking smell,
Some tasty tales to masticate…

Who did what and when they did it!
Who loves whom and why they hid it!
Written on the wall
Words in every stall
Diabolical rumors flit!

That fly flew down the Interstate.
No longer could he meditate
Near a waterfall
Where hummingbirds call
Always worried about man’s fate.

© January 30, 2011
Dane Smith-Johnsen

Details | Limerick | |

Sky-Scraped Ruins

The evening fresh, 
stars allure, 
birthed- ground-breaking. 

To look back, seems feeble
forward, Vigorous.

It is almost too late, 
I have hollowed a place
for each hope I carried, 
trickery twisted imagination. 

The sky littered, 
calling...all visions to death, 
each cup of soil, 
befriending faith with roses
as I walk away, 

There are no more stones-
upon stones, 
upon stones, 
only hours perhaps, 

Details | Limerick | |

Screaming Demons

I try to collect my thoughts,
The ones that consume my mind,
Knowing I did this to myself,
An eye for an eye and the whole world goes blind...

Waiting for the signs of changes,
That never seem to come,
Day by day slowly passes,
And still I am the only one...

Temptation of vindication
Is what has trapped me here...
Inpatiently I am waiting,
As my  own existence begins to disappear

These Screaming Demons,
Have rapidly began  taking over me,
Revenge has not only taken my sight,
but now my  voice so that I cannot speak

Every move I make feels,
Like I am a puppet on a string...
Evil now surrounds my head,
So close to Hell I can hear the burning souls sing

Details | Limerick | |

Vacation Humor

Our sponsor papers much earlier had reached,
To my dear sister we had promised,
This vacation we were to spend in Brisbane,
Surgeon declared emergency, plans in vain,
Oh trip to Australia, landed up in hospital instead!

Planned a gala party at home,
Leaving unturned not a single stone,
Invitation sent to esteemed guests,
Sickness left me quite stressed,
Food bland soups, no lavish bone!

Planned to meet beloved on a bright day,
Dressed in favourite blue, I was on my way,
Much to my agony, he said he was stuck,
A bad vacation it was, and my bad luck,
Consoled myself, thinking he must be gay !

Written on 13/7/14
Contest- Vacation humor
Sponsor- Carolyn Devonshire 

Details | Limerick | |

'Mort Ghlinne Comhann'

A number of centuries ago
In 1692, in a place called Glencoe
      Where a massacre took place
      And the Clan Campbell lost face
When neighbours were sometimes your foe

Details | Limerick | |

Her past formed her life

As a girl she always wanted to be loved
But no one ever showed her what it meant to be loved
She tried to be joyful and make others happy
But nothing ever changed her life was still crappy
One day she met someone that started admiring her
He started to show what love meant to her 
It was pleasant at first fun and gifts
Then something happened she felt like jumping off a cliff
He started doing things that didn't seem right
Every time she tried to stop she lost the fight
She thought she caused it she really didn't know
She didn't get why this man would act so low
She felt very guilty hid it in her heart deep
She forgot how to sleep all she did was weep
As her sadness grew the man finally started to see
He decided to leave and she was finally free
She started living her way started to forget the pain
But as she moved forward it was in her heart as stain
While she grew older she started going the wrong ways
Men did whatever in bed while she just lays
They came and went but never wanted her as a wife
Drugs boos and men became the definition of her life
Depressed she knew her life was going down the drain
Behind the doors she cried hard like rain
She envied the happy girls never would she have that luck
This was her life always she would be stuck
Her life turned upside down things started to go well
She met her first love she was finally out of hell
He was there all along she just didn't know
He finally revealed himself when he started to glow
I think you may know him
But may not have seen him
His name is.... God

Details | Limerick | |

Lesson Learned

Her first attempt at turkey dinner She was sure t'would be a big winner Forgot to let thaw Five hours and still raw Poor guests all left just a bit thinner

Details | Limerick | |

A Cur

A Cur

There was an old cur men endured.
A bad dog was he that is for sure.
When he wanted to eat
He would steal someone’s meat.
Caught and caged with a lure was cur’s cure.
(Too sad, must add: Until they found him a home...)

© Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen
March 9, 2010
Poetic form:  Limerick

Details | Limerick | |


You left me holding an empty canteen
So I ran to you like a panicked stampede
But your fountain of love
Was all dried up
And my raindance only made you seethe

Received Honorable Mention in "losers" contest

Details | Limerick | |

My Morning Confession

Ok, I guess I'll confess! 
My hair is REALLY a mess! 
I just drove them to school
and they said ''Mom, that's not cool''.
But today I could really care less! 

''Today is my only day off.
Just let your friends snicker and scoff.
Does it matter to you
if I wear slippers or shoes? 
Is your image of me that far off''? 

When she looked at my head in the car
her jaw dropped and she said ''Oh my stars! ''
''What is that on your head? 
Is it living or dead? ''
I'm so glad we don't have to drive far! ''

Well, I may not be looking my best
but, what I saw I would never have guessed! 
In the back of my hair
was what made the kids stare.......
cause it looked like a fluffy birds nest! 

Oh, ''Who cares if my hair looks absurd? ''
''It's the new style.....or haven't you heard? 
You should feel slightly blessed 
that I even got dressed........
and I made a new home for a bird! '' 

Details | Limerick | |

GPS Seductions

A sultry voice gave directions.
Wrong turn, then came the corrections.
A panic attack –
Screams came from the back.
“We're lost; where are the connections?”

©October 30, 2011
Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen

Details | Limerick | |


There once was a cat who just sat
And he grew enormously fat.
We have cut back his feed
No mater how he may plead
For if not he'll die and that is that

There once was a woman who worked
All the time, and stress drove her berserk
She'd screech and she'd yell
At all those she knew well
Till in her house only gloom would lurk

There once was a girl who just wept
When she had free time she slept
Between woman and cat
She felt like a drowned rat
Till she watched as before trains she stepped

Details | Limerick | |

Foxy Lacy

There once was this gal named PD
A gal that I never did see
She's asked me to guess
Of her features what's best
And just how foxy is she

For: PD's Inner Animal Contest

Details | Limerick | |

Baubles, Bangles, And Nose Bleeds

You Quiz-puzzlers out there,
I hope you take care,
And don't sucumb to high blood pressure,
Please don't implode like the good sub, U.S.S. Thresher,
So take it in stride,
With the answers I do hide,
And you'll wake up all that much fresher

Details | Limerick | |


Sandra was ready to PLAY
but she told me to go far AWAY
A beauty school QUEEN
would be embarrassed to be SEEN

"You're just not my type,Rodger...if ya know what I MEAN?!" I am not quite the STUD
But at least i'm no Elmer FUDD
Nerds hate to be picked out
however,they are no stick in the MUD

She cherishes RICK
Even though he acts like a -ICK
His Abs are lean and MEAN
A Tom Selleck lookalike MACHINE

They like to blow FACE
and spray me with her can of MACE
This four-eyed man with his pocket protector
Just got burnt by Society's perfect RACE

A chump out of SCHOOL
He is forever a FOOL
The Lasses want tight ASSES
Not a simpleton who can't help but DROOL

The world can kick THEE
Middle-class bullies  still pick on ME
I only answer to the man(upstairs)
He's the only one to set me FREE

Details | Limerick | |

Timidity Has a place beside a MAN's kind of world

running scared
away from Hate
The masses gather
My linching can't wait
all my life
I have been their prey
by stepping on me
Makes their living ok
They want to get rid of a peaceful timid guy
He has the right to keep living
Why do you want him to die?
The end is near
My fate so cast
Timidity has a place in this world
But MEN don't want them to last

Details | Limerick | |

somthing hidden

carrie had eyes so green
she was often very mean,
at home late at night,
her parnets would fight,
and thats the part no one had seen.

mistakes love and glitter

Details | Limerick | |

Believe it? OR or Not?

There was an anthill that got in my way.
I politely told them to leave that day.
Move on! Be festive. 
And I shall let you live.
I put away the spray, and they obeyed.

© Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen
March 10, 2010

Poetic form:  Limerick

Details | Limerick | |

Macho People have a reason to live

Macho people have a reason to live
Laugh at the wimps
who have an opportunity to give
Men with their biceps
flexing heavy weight
Mocking the small
and their symbol that they hate
Goody two shoes
His eyes on the laptop
Mean Joe Green
wants that thing-am-a-jig to stop
Rolling up the sweaty sleeve
daring the nerd to make him leave
He does not respond
Mr.Machismo thinks he's won
It's the same ol tale
Little guys are sissies
They're not wanted in the navy
In a world in which WE are only sloppy lasts
Is it the Bully or the Weenie
that gets the last laughs

Details | Limerick | |

Time Is the Fire in Which We All Burn

Time Is the Fire in Which We All Burn

By Elton Camp

One day, Sue gave an anguished scream		

How it all happened, she couldn’t dream		

Hair unruly, breasts did sag

Her dress was a rag

“I once was on the cheerleader team!” 

Details | Limerick | |

Needle in the Hay

I get up at the break of day
Determined to have my way
But I’m just a man
Married men understand
That’s like finding a needle in hay

She starts out all happy and gay
But I know that soon something I say
Will make her turn moody
Do you think I’ll get booty
That’s like finding a needle in hay

If I treat her just right, I may
If not she will simply say nay
Finding words that are right
Before bedtime tonight
That’s like finding a needle in hay

Guys, you all know what they say
Where there’s a will there’s a way
Am I willing – you bet
But my chance I regret
That’s like finding a needle in hay

Mdailey	3/7/12

Details | Limerick | |

I Must'a Been a Beautiful Baby...

I must'a been a beautiful baby,
but that ain't true any more
But try as I might, 
I'm still a pathetic sight,
One that no one can any longer adore

Details | Limerick | |

Danger From Space

Danger From Space

By Elton Camp

Russia sent a rocket toward Mars		

But it has failed to reach to the stars		

In earth orbit did stay				

To destroy there's no way			

It will fall back to earth and make scars

Details | Limerick | |

Nope Can't Do It

Nope Can’t Do It

By Elton Camp 

The pols, deficit tried to reduce		

For failure there can be no excuse		

Compromise they cannot do			

Now they say they are through		

But what problems will this produce

Details | Limerick | |

Sleeping With A Poet

My lover’s a poet in her own way
And she’s writing her poetry by day
Thou, she’s really a delight
Yet I hardly sleep at night
‘Cos as if I ‘m sleeping near the runway

Details | Limerick | |

' The Domino Effect ' (Limerick # 2)

‘ The Domino Effect ’

There Was A Young Woman, Named Domino
Who Talked … about Anyone and So and So
    Well… She was quite Shocked to Find
             All Her Victims in a Line
Ready to Fall on Her… Just Like - G e r o n i m o !

Details | Limerick | |


Fear used to run his life 
because he had no wife
and he slept early every night
Conscious of each and every plight
I’m talking about Mr. Clife.

Details | Limerick | |

Speakin' In Spokane

I ain't got nutt'en to say,
I be shy, an scared anyway,
To public speak,
My mind too weak,
I'll only go on if you pay...

Details | Limerick | |

' Sweet, Little Man ... ' (Limerick # 3)

             ‘ Sweet, Little Man ’

There Was the Sweetest, Little Man, Named Nate
    Who was so Bald… He got a Headache
      From the Kisses, that were Planted
On His ( 2 Month-Old Head )… He Demanded …
“Why Won’t Mama, Put A Cap On My Pate ?