There’s a part of you
I cannot see or touch.
In the dark, alone, I know
every curve of your body.
I could sculpt you from memory.
Each detail vivid in
my mind’s eye.
The baby nail on your baby toe.
This neck that takes to kissing.
I know the moment when your
hip becomes belly.
But there’s a part of you I
cannot see or touch. Hidden, I want to
know it all the more.
Behind your eyes, inside
your heart, that essential
you, separate from this
fragile tissue hanging, draped, over bone.
I watch you move when
you’re not looking.
Standing, your toes curling.
Twisting the end of your hair while thinking.
Asleep, I know your breathing.
You hold the morning cup like a chalice.
Little lines around your eyes deepen sometimes.
These things are pieces of a whole I ache to know.
This elephant leg obscured by sightless eyes can
be anything. Groping blindly toward
the totality of you, revealed in fits and starts.
This life of mine no longer turned inward.
Every day I have new discoveries to make.
A cousin called the other day saying "Another cousin has passed away".
Well my husband said "How old was she.""
A stalwart woman who had served family and community well. Producing one child that
became a missionary serving in a foreign land..
While talking the cousin asked "Did you know ______"?
My husband answered, "Well, I don't think that I knew them".
The cousin proceeded to tale this story.
"The man had been down with cancer for a while and passed recently..The funeral had been
conducted and the hearse had gone on to the cemetary..The family car with the family was
not to far behind..But when it pulled up, the wife of the deceased did not get out and the
funeral home staff was gathering around..The funeral home director decided to go see what
was going on ...."
The cousin said, " That this funeral home director told him". "That he had been in this
business for thirty-five years and faced something that he had never had happen to him or
any other funeral home director that he knew."
The funeral home director said, "When I got to the family car, I found the wife of the
deceased had passed from a massive corornary."
She had said, "I don't know how I will live without him." She didn't have to learn. God called
The roosters crow, the crows craw and are answered by the gobble of the turkey across the
Did you ever wonder how things work in your head
How every thought you ever think is connected by a thread
Sometimes it’s just a little thing then somehow you are led
To something unrelated to something they just said
Let me illustrate - - -
My wife asked about the weather
And I thought, yea, I’m cold
I should get a sweater
Then I thought all mine were old
Then thinking about my closet
I thought about my shoes
Thinking they need polish
What color should I choose
But thinking about colors
I like the color green
Green makes me think of summer
And the places that I’ve seen
Then thinking about vacations
I thought about this cruise
That I took with my sister
Then I thought about the booze
And how much that had cost us
But what a time we had
Then I thought how much I missed her
And how that made me sad
And thinking about sadness
Made me think of winter blahs
So instead of a quick answer
I just sort of pause
And then I said I missed her
My wife just stood there blinking
She said that’s not what I asked you
My Lord, what are you thinking
There was no use my explaining
How I got to what I said
That somehow it’s connected
By one single little thread
So I just said I’m sorry
What were you saying hon
But she had this look of wonder
Her own thoughts had just begun
1st place in contest
the delicacy of friendship
I found you in the flowers
Standing tall we become one
Looking down from gangly towers
Squash, you burn, you pillage, son.
Follow me you say in tongues
Thy shallow mind reveal me tell
Whisper lies clean load the guns
I feel the burn I rot in hell
Friend folly menacing the liar
I loathe this coffin how it leaks
Dear foe you raped me set on fire
The onion peal itself and weeps
dear monkey boy
Older eyes eat themselves,
glance and kill the other
Unified in the dance,
they steer the musty rudder.
Pained and sweeter deeper wells,
poised buckets drunk with water.
Singled out the one that dried,
handed weights to pull him under.
Wiser times capture the mind,
death justifies dishonor.
Knife slice neat through the devil's back,
who stares blank and milks the udder.
Inside this box
Goodbye tempestuous fall
My puppet of steel coiled thread
Smashed buttons and twisted dread,
Alarm these doors, and
Escape this delusive bunker bed
Stamp the spiders
Thief, vulture of the deflection
The mocking patron of the sinners
Erase this affliction
Relating inward at the reflection
Rise you fool
i love you
close the grip
cinched hematic grip
seeking the sheave
becoming the counterweight
i absorb, now
extracting the heat
rise like a phoenix
away to be gone to be free
fix me! i have fixed me
i am alive and i love you
Abolish her state of disrepair
Scattered, spattered drippy thoughts
All around this box of soused leaves
Soak, ferment in the faith of our love
I can't fix this, you know
I loathe this misunderstanding
Of what I am speaking, projecting
To me, Aye Damager, to you
This devil in me
turned and twisted
A wrecked elevator in rejection
Years locked painfully aware
There was a moment when
I knew when you played me
When you woke in terror,
pacing and pale,
When I fell asleep, and felt
your hand on mine,
It was when I saw your pain, and
saw your heart begin to heal.
I knew when you sent me an email saying,
“I missed you at the party.”
I knew when you spoke softly,
revealing regrets, doubts, and
When I saw the look of shock on your face
as the kite string slipped from your fingers,
When you smiled at your daughter,
You shared a poem with me,
and I knew.
From the first moment I saw you,
I knew that I loved you in all your aspects,
and knew that I’d cherish every moment
we share together.
I knew that my love for you
would be renewed in each moment,
and that I’d discover the depth and breadth of you
every day, anew.
There might be
once I've kissed another
Don't make me create
a decision like this,
because temptation is all around
women tapping my arm
in the crowd,
of horned legs
hips, tits, and ass
and where are You?
doing the same? (I know)
but nearly habitual -
A sort of Peacock - Rooster ritual
Don't tell me
to hold them
around by the waist
(thinking of you all the while leaves such a bad taste)
I my beer soaked untrue
with red hot moves
Please re - consider
and I'll meet you for coffee
Please call me
and reassure my caffineated
screwed up head
(don't let me do this)...
will I awaken
adjusting to fears:
change - stagnation breeding boredom
acceptance - realization that it's over
Self - knowledge that I must face
truth - she's found another lover....
discheveled droopy drawers
howling down on all fours,
though unable, I
in the wind.
Symbols of the ways
that I have wrongly sinned,
Against my inner portrait
Image with no mirror,
A painted picture of the soul:
to the one you primp
and pose for,
for vanity's sake:
take yr daily dose
of annihilistic rape!
Yr outer - woven
are worn and swollen
Better take yr beauty sleep
before Time has it stolen...
So wash yr guilty
wants with lie,
and scrub yr yellowish heel,
rinse yr drydrunk unconscious
and tip-toe at the wheel,
out the traffic
and push the pedals hard,
to erase the dividing lines from memory
without a spoken word...
Her song carried out in sweetest rapture notes so pellucid
Breathe of them in listened serenity…
Her eyes show the portrait of what truly exists within
A subject of assiduous study…
Bearing witness her ears chronicle every touch of moment
Append her the whisper of ardor…
Those thoughts build stairs to the threshold of her mind
Scale its heights with pure intent…
One unsullied heart in pash heated spirit given to me freely
Held amorously it becomes my own…
I enter her arms into the gateway of tender adoration
Where I sleep safely in serenities peace…
A destructive dance indeed,
betwixt the two we bleed.
A bellowing, bloody abate,
this stale, seductive state.
Simple, senseless steeds,
jealous fires feed.
Perjuring petty plights,
demons do delight.
A crimson, cheaters chair,
awful angers air.
No trust, truth or taste,
wallowed wantons waste.
Envious, eager eyes,
rejoicing a wrathful rise.
Coveting, careless couth,
yesteryear's eager youth.
I do not know?
written 10th Aug 2013
I am God's child, first and forever
I am known by many different titles, a daughter
I am a wife
I am a mother
I am a grandmother
I am a poet
I am by several ways, known as a sister
I am an acquaintance
I am a loyal friend
I am a stranger
I am a cousin
I am an Auntie
I am a niece
But who is this person, they all call "Denise?"
She is a child to God
She is a niece
She is a cousin
She is a stranger
She is a loyal friend
She is an acquaintance
She is known to many, a sister
She is a poet
She is a grandmother
She is a mother
She is a wife
She is known as a daughter to many
She is everything, she'd ever dreamed her life to be....
She is happier than she ever imagined possible
SHE IS "DENISE"
It's been a good run
To the back side of sixty,
The short side of time.
First Hollywood kiss
Behind a pink crepe myrtle.
Thanks, Patsy Werner.
High school was okay.
Didn't help me to focus;
So, my mind wandered.
Surfed Bonzai Pipeline,
Big waves break into lava.
What made me do it?
I wondered why I was there.
Smoking pot. Stereo.
Good fun in the seventies.
And three wives later,
I finally found true love.
We're still together.
My destitute heart,
Saved by the sweetest angel.
I love you, Sandy.
Sooners are my team.
Most winning football program
In the Modern Era.
I am retired now.
But I have plenty to do.
I've been writing more.
Perhaps I will write a book.
I have many tales.
I'd chase young girls; but,
Girls with a "grampa" fetish
Are so hard to find.
If I am lucky,
I will just drop dead one day.
With my peace of mind.
Yes, made a good run
To the back side of sixty,
The short side of time.
Sometimes things are up,
And sometimes they are down,
Sometimes black is white,
And sometimes it is brown.
All the rivers flowing,
Back to the sacred sea,
All the monkeys climbing,
Up the very same tree.
You think you know a lot,
Think you know it all,
But the autumn leaves are falling,
At the north wind's lonely call.
The thinking of the meaning,
The reasons lost and gone,
At last the place is ready,
A vacant holy throne.
The emptiness that fill you,
Fills you from inside,
Is the treasure you are holding,
The bridegroom's holy bride.
And now the north wind's blowing,
Blowing down the Way,
And now we sit here waiting,
For the bridegroom's wedding day.
more at http://labyrinthoflies.com
I asked my wife to stop living
In a world that's just(me,me,me)
So she could get a glimpse of a different world
That she could never see
For the first week or two it really seemed to take effect
Then I began to notice something
From that slight case of neglect
One day her anger raged
As if she was "hiding the devil inside"
I guess there was no place left for him
Inside of her to hide
I reminded her of that attitude
She was useing with a flare
That was when she explode saying,
"I don't F'ing care"
My heart was pierced and my words
Could no longer flow
I was a passenger in the car
So I had nowhere left to go
The car went silent
Not a single word was left to be said
Though I sure had plenty words
Bouncing around in my head
Then she said "Why are we arguing?
"I really hate fighting with you?"
With a smile :o) I said "It's the devil"
"And that's what he wants us to do!"
As I sighed to release the anger
That was brewing up inside
I realized my heart was a sacred place
Where the devil,just can't hide
I do not know?
(for the countless women, names unknown, who bore the brunt of Apartheid, and who fought the racist system at great cost to themselves and their families, and for my mother, Zubeida Moolla)
Pregnant, your husband on the run,
your daughter, a child, a few years old,
they hauled you in, these brutish men,
into the bowels of Apartheid's racist hell.
They wanted information, you gave them nothing,
these savage men, who skin happened to be lighter,
and white was right in South Africa back then,
but, you did not cower, you stood resolute,
you, my mother, faced them down, their power,
their 'racial superiority', their taunts, their threats.
You, my mother, would not, could not break,
You stood firm, you stood tall.
You, like the countless mothers did not break, did not fall.
You told me many things, of the pains, the struggles,
the scraping for scraps, the desolation of separation
from your beloved Tasneem and your beloved Azad,
my elder sister and brother, whom I could not grow
up with, your beloved children separated by time, by place,
by monstrous Apartheid, by brutish men,
whose skin just happened to be lighter.
You told me many things, as I grew older,
of the years in exile, of the winters that grew ever colder.
You were a fighter, for a just cause,
like countless other South African women,
you sacrificed much, you suffered the pangs,
of memories that cut into your bone, your marrow,
you resisted a system, an ideology, brutal and callous and narrow.
Yes, you lived to see freedom arrive, yet you suffered still,
a family torn apart, and struggling to rebuild a life,
all the while, nursing a void, that nothing could ever fill.
I salute you, mother, as I salute the nameless mothers,
the countless sisters, daughters, women of this land,
who fought, sacrificing it all for taking a moral stand.
I salute you, my mother, and though you have passed,
your body interred in your beloved South African soil,
you shall remain, within me, an ever-present reminder,
of the cost of freedom, the struggles, the hunger, the toil.
I salute you!
(for the brave women of South Africa, of all colours,
who fought against racial discrimination and Apartheid)
Goodbye Johnny Walker
I swear I’m in a nightmare
I know it’s some bad dream
this craving for the deadly juice
is nothing new it seems
Our life is one long quarrel,
a battle no one can win
Am I paying a kind of penance,
for some past life of sin?
I won’t put up with this forever
the smell or wavering gait,
If I stay with you much longer,
I’ll surely be tempting my fate
A soul that’s soaked with liquor,
with breath to ignite a match
But your handsome looks so deceiving
I naively believed you a catch!
You’ll promise it’s the last time,
say you’re done… that it’s the end!
But in me you see a nagging wife,
while in the bottle - a comforting friend
Tell me exactly how, I can win,
or compete with something so pure?
What kind of psychological jargon,
would even up the score?
This demon is so elusive,
someone, somewhere, please advise me
What spirits will finally convince you
to seek your desired sobriety!
What makes a man
Want to take power from his wife?
Who is the man
That sits and plots to take her life?
Where is the man
I once married without strife?
As the years pass me by
I realize why he should envy
As time, courage, and wisdom pass him by
Because he wanted to discredit my integrity
For the American Dream I accepted less
I accepted him
Much less than the Lord obliged
For an image that I was now complete
I secretly sat in a corner
Where only the Lord
Would hear my cries
Bruised kisses once described
The torture I endured
Freedom and time
Have healed my pain
Dependence on God
Has allowed me to stay away
I’m not the kind of person I need to be!
There’s too many problems inside of me!
I’m not the kind of person you’d want to know…
I’ve too many worries and a troubled soul!
I’m the kind of person who has a lot of stress!
Lately, my life has been one big mess!
I’m the kind of person who doesn’t have a friend.
You listen to me now…
But may never see me again!
I’m the kind of person who’s gone through pain!
I wake up some days,
and don’t even know my name!
I may not be the kind of person you’d
want to be around.
I may get discouraged, and “get you down.”
I’m the kind of person who’s giving Jesus a chance…
I know he loves me! Whatever the circumstance!
I’m the kind of person who needs a lot of prayer!
I know that God listens! And is always there!
Please help me Jesus! That I may be set free!
May it be your love that others will see!
Thank you Jesus! For being my savior and friend!
You’re someone that this person can always depend!
I’m not the kind of person that Jesus wants me to be!
That’s why I need more of HIM!
And LESS of me!
By Jim Pemberton
It was the longest walk of my life
I was tired of running
Nothing really mattered anymore anyway
So I had a friend drive me down to Los Angeles
So I could turn myself in at the Prison Gate
He dropped me off about a block away
I had stashed some things up inside of me
So I could come up once I hit the yard
So every step carried with it
A certain amount of physical pain
But nothing compared to the pain inside
As I walked I was thinking about my wife and kids
At least I was sparing them the sight
Of watching me get carried away in handcuffs
I was so tired
I hadn’t slept in days
And from Northern California where I lived
To the prison in Moreno Valley
Was about a 14 hr drive
But Harry and I were so spun out it took us a couple of days
I was walking along
Empty as a grave waiting on a casket
Hollow as a tree full of termites
So sick of it all that I couldn’t wait to get into my cell
And I started thinking:
With each step along the way
Each has its own price to pay
All the things that I now feel
They have broke down my will
Turn myself in and get it done
These guards will know I’m spun
Is this how far my life has fell
Leave my family to go to hell
I really just wanted it all to end
Get out sooner if I turn myself in
Legs felt like million lbs. weights
20-mile block to reach that gate
With each step desperation grew
Because my very soul was torn into
Just keep on walking and get it done
Jesus Christ fool turn around and run
I knew the guards, which was no surprise
Hell we’d spent years telling each other lies
Final thought of my walk that day
Last time I’m going out this way
Funny, the end of one walk is where another begins
Thats why as I stepped through the gate I had to grin
Written for Constance's contest. This walk
from my friends truck to the Prison gate
was about half a block but seemed like an
eternity. My wife and Parole Officer together
talked me into turning myself in. In short, that
walked sucked really bad, never again! God Bless
A Very Inviting Temptation!
I remember of a particular situation.
I was offered a very "inviting" temptation.
The situation I was in... I didn't belong!
And lost any sense of "right and wrong."
At first... I felt no guilt or shame.
And brought embarrassment
to my family's name.
I tried to explain this to my wife and kids.
I heard; "Dad... please... no more fibs!"
The Godly principles were "tossed to the side,"
As the sin inside caused arrogance and pride.
Soon, all in my life that truly mattered...
Was gone! My life was empty and shattered!
I was sorry for all of the problems I caused!
This time... I took a moment to pause.
I cried to God to rescue me from my sin.
I confessed! Would God help me once again?
I read in the Bible of Jesus’ grace and love!
This time the help I needed had to come from above!
I asked him for a fresh and brand new start.
He removed the stain from a broken heart.
He restored to me the joy I once had.
I'm so blessed! Jesus has made me glad!
Jesus is the reason I'm here today!
I LOVE HIM more than words can say!
By Jim Pemberton
Healing Can Only happen,
When the Pain is Gone!
Healing can only happen, when the pain
and damage are gone!
It can only come about, when there’s
no “lists” of wrongs!
People need to move ahead, and put all
of the past behind them!
And seek God’s forgiveness,
so his grace can find ‘em!
Too many carry a load of sorrow
and grief that they can’t afford!
They need to bring everything to Jesus,
and make him their LORD!
How can we experience healing,
if the suffering is still there?
How will we ever be able to love others,
and truly care?
May we all seek the kind of healing,
that only Christ can bring!
May we allow him to remove
all pain and suffering!
Jesus… We need your healing now! More than ever before!
It is your love that we must learn
to treasure and adore!
Please come now and refresh us with your awesome love!
The sweetness of your Holy Spirit, is a gift from above!
Thank you God! The pain is gone and the healing has come!
All praise, glory and honor to Jesus!
God’s anointed son!
By Jim Pemberton 10/19/13
Bound by blame, broken by blight,
Scarred by a stolen satire,
nuzzling necrophiliacs within the night.
Tangled in torment, tied untamed,
blemished by the blasphemy,
of never speaking your name.
Shackled in sin, shredded sovereignty,
dealing death’s doses,
murdering you and me.
Cuffed with candor, calling our crimes,
to an impetuous enslavement,
tortured through time.
Set me free, to flee this fool’s game,
where we're always left wandering,
in this wasteland of shame.
To be but also being too
To being two or to be one, too.
She worry’s so much
She worries in case he’ll leave her
In her crazy kind of mind
Old memories they haunt her
And now they’ve made her blind
She does not see reality
She’s living in a dream
She’s built herself a nightmare
It’s just the way it seems.
She doesn’t see him laughing
And singing all the time
And how he is so loveable
And writes her lovely rhymes
How he cares so much when she is down
She never see those things
She sees the horror in her mind
That her thoughts so often bring.
When will she ever see him?
The way he really is
He’s wrote five thousand poems for her
All filled with loves sweet bliss
But is it not too late for her
When she lives back in the past
The damage done by foolish acts
It be so very vast
23 July 2013 @ 1250hrs
My parents taught me the Christian ways.
I was taught to obey what the Bible says.
I was proud of my parents! I really was!
And loved them so much… Just because!
They meant everything to me! I was proud!
Until one day... There appeared “a dark cloud.”
It was like a “darkness” hovered above.
Leaving their marriage empty of needed love!
Though they were together many years.
There were many cracks that soon appeared.
I say a once happy home soon destroyed.
Being with one another…. They no longer enjoyed!
How could this happen! I had wondered…
To see a happy marriage “totally plundered
As sin crept in... And allowed to prevail.
Very soon this marriage simply failed.
May this be a warning for me and you…
That our commitment remains faithful and true!
If your marriage is heading toward separation…
Please seek God for a healing and restoration!
If your planning to have a divorce..
Jesus’ love can put it on the right course!
He can replace the brokenness and hurt within..
And can put your lives back together AGAIN!
By Jim Pemberton
I do not know?
Slipping through the sieve of history,
the nameless rest.
Not for the nameless are roads renamed, nor monuments built.
Not for the nameless are songs sung, nor ink spilled.
The nameless rest.
Their silent sacrifice,
amongst their remains.
The nameless rest.
Not for the nameless are doctorates conferred, nor eulogies recited.
Not for the nameless are honours bestowed, nor homages directed.
The nameless rest.
They rest within us,
they walk with us,
in every step that we tread.
They rest within us,
they walk with us,
for their spirit is not dead.
“Your name is unknown, your deed is immortal”
- inscription at The Tomb of the Unknown Soldier WWII in Moscow
Special thanks to my dearest elder sister Tasneem Nobandla Moolla, whose conversations with me about life as a non-white person growing up in pre and post-Apartheid South Africa prompted me to write this dedication to the countless, nameless South Africans of every colour, whose sacrifices and dedication in the struggle against Apartheid tyranny must never be forgotten.
My sister’s middle name ‘Nobandla’ which is an isiXhosa name and means “she who is of the people” was given by her godfather, Nelson Mandela, my father’s ‘best-man who could not be, as Nelson Mandela was unable to-make it to my parent’s wedding as he was in jail at the time in the old Johannesburg Fort. This was the 31st December 1961.
Two men were standing in a public park hugging each other, with their heads lying on each other’s shoulder.
A man and his wife passed nearby saying: “You guys make me sick. Just because you won the right to get married doesn’t mean you have to flaunt your abhorrent behavior in front of everybody else. Take it to a room and get your disgusting sin out of my face.”
The two men broke apart, said something to each other and then walked in different directions; one slowly away from the couple who had spoken and the other towards the couple.
As the man approached the sneering couple with contempt in their eyes and hatred in their hearts, he gently said: “That man just received word that he has terminal cancer and has less than one year to live. He is not sure if he has the strength to tell his wife and children his sorrowful news. I am his priest and was merely trying to comfort him. You two need to re-evaluate your feelings toward your fellow man”.
He walked away with a tear in his eyes, for several reasons.
Those sweet little things
We’re sitting in the living room
The TV droning on
As I just sit there dreaming
Or write a little song
My lady she’s just sitting there
With a crossword or a game
An attentive look upon her face
It’s every night the same.
And yet, you know I worship it
All the time we spend together
One moment in her company
It could go on forever
All filled with peace and harmony
It’s the sweetest thing on Earth
Just sitting in that living room
It has, for me such worth.
Once I was a doubter
Of the very best things in life
My boredom caused much trouble
And gave me so much strife
But now I know it’s the little things
They’re what life’s all about
It took me such a long, long time
But now I’ve found this out.
23 July 2013 @ 1905hrs.
One day at a time
With the delusion of anger,
falling from my eyes,
The veil of bitterness,
Torn from the one I despised,
My heart withers in my chest
The spell that cast a shadow on this beauties shimmering frame
That hid a wonder a mystery this woman bearing my name.
I cannot believe I’ve lived alongside you for so long
And missed the chorus of a lover’s refrain.
We like strangers in the night
Ships passing by on a foggy sea,
Have rediscovered each other again,
Fearful yet wanting, the task ahead daunting,
Forever changed by the crimson stain,
Leaving us equipped in ways we can never explain.
One day at a time, we live for these moments,
One day at a time, is all we are given,
And by the grace of God our one day at a time will turn into memories
That we will share over a lifetime.
As sin and perversion often
So many lives and families
are being “disintegrated.”
Many are being driven by sin’s temptation force…
It’s no wonder much of this country
is way “off course.”
The morality and values that once made a great nation.
Are evaporating…. Leading to a
Love, honor, and respect of God…
Is often a “thing of the past.”
Anything of God seems to be
God is our only hope! And him alone!
Only he can bring healing to our broken homes!
He’s the answer to this wounded nation, that bleeds!
It’s only God that can meet all of our needs!
He’s our provider… The great: “I am!”
Won’t you reach out to him?
And give him your hand?
Why not give him a chance? And allow him in?
A brand new life for you…
Is waiting to begin!
May we allow God’s holiness and love to reach
down into our hearts…
Asking; “Lord please forgive our sins!”
Is a good place to start!
By Jim Pemberton
Strange or not
Odd and fun.
That’s not all
And still are
Strange and odd.
life is life.
Not is lies.
Truth seeps from
Lies, lies, lies
Move, move, move
Lies are life.
Lies are death.
Lies are homes.
Lies are pain.
Lies are truth.
Truth is life.
Truth is death.
Truth is home.
Truth is pain.
Truth is lie.
Truth is that.
Lies will die.
Lies will cease.
Truth will live.
Truth will be.