I’m looking at an old house
Called home by someone
I will look at any old house new or old but
Home is ALWAYS an old house
Old people open doors
Walk the floors
Old people light the candles
Decorate the mantles
And the roof ever slants
So young thoughts may go
Sliding down to settle on ground
In front of home
Rain or snow
Home is ever warmed
By timeless ghosts
Of hearth reborn
I’m climbing the stairs of an old house
Called home by someone
To open a door
Find stairs and climb some more
To follow the footsteps of some vague someone
In an old house called home
I do not know?
While walking through a hospital one day, a veteran I did see
He was in a wheelchair with both legs missing, and he did it for you and me.
I turned around a corner and down another hall
Only for my eyes to behold a family who has lost it all
A five year old cried out,"Why did daddy have to die?"
The mother held her son closer while she greived and began to cry
The mother of that young Marine, who had fought over in Iraqu
Wandered why her son so brave, didn't survive the enemie's attack
The father of that soldier, hung his head to cry
He was a retired soldier himself, why couldn't he have been the one to die?
His heart broken sister, sits in shock and tries to deny
The death of her older brother, he was killed and don't know why
A few days later, a family, everybody all dressed in black
Went to the funeral of a twenty-five year old who too our bullet in Iraq
The Bible says "thou shalt not kill." and "Love your neighbor" too
Maybe our soldiers aren't doing what's right, but they still take your bullet for you
They sleep in foxholes, and eat in trenches, and do all that they know to do
They rest in the sand with no comforts of home and they take your bullet for you
The restless nights turn into days, you wouldn't believe all they go through
THe rest of us sit at home and gripe, and still they take your bullet for you
The next time you hear a 21 gun salute, don't condemn as others do
The next time the taps are being played, remember, they took that bullet for you.
Thanks, Veterans for your sacrifice.
I've passed it by, so many times before
While traveling this twisted asphalt highway
That weathered sign, nailed, so crudely fashioned
To peeling bark, upon the yoke
Of one ancient, gnarled and battered cottonwood tree
It marks a fork of the old backwood road
Where gravel branches, bends and sways
And meanders through the glade
Where the dry creek bed, goes high into the hills...
Where poison oak thrives, and secrets hide...
There it is!.... That feeling, that inclination to explore...
I've had before....
Stabbing that place of my wanderlust
An old dented mailbox....sitting alone...whose, do you suppose?
Where does the mail go? Does anyone know?
So many times,.....we have passed on by...
I've caught a glimpse, and thoughts would rise...
What lies beyond this fork in the road?
What lies beyond the bend, the turn?...What would we learn?
What course, would we follow
If just this once, we turned, and broke away from the ordinary...
Changed our direction...followed the unknown
Where the creek runs dry
And the banks are rife...
With chokecherry....and willow scrub
Where leaves are layered with chalk white dust?...
Will we ever know?
What lies beyond the fork in the road?....
As I turn my head, and watch my chance disappear once again....
Will I ever know?.....
The karmic wheel turned
to a world torn and burned
by war and lust and greed
and this Incarnations' need
Tentatively, the teen reached out
(from the childs' abuse and doubt)
to the grown-up herd
and the curious word
said to be ... Love ...
which led to a merry-go-round
a wheel of names bound
by their own karmic games.
I could have stayed Home,
never come to wander and roam
an Earth of endless pain.
If not for the beauty of mountain and plain
and sunset shore, I'd go ...
but I'd leave a little dog behind
whose Love I do know.
So I will stay here long
amused at how I chose wrong
and left that Light called Home
far beyond this space
toward where my soul does race
to return to ... until another time ...
Or perhaps, to leave no more.
It's winter's evening, I am driving home. The bare trees whisper my vulnerability like a secret to the sky. I've come again to an all too familiar crossroads; the one of dreams and fear. I stop at the traffic light waiting but I am lost within a cold ocean of myself. Overhead on the telephone wires, a flock of blackbirds have gathered. The electric current keeps their toes snug and warm as they chatter; eavesdropping on my thoughts. I wonder why the birds have chosen this particular place with all its confusion? Perhaps they are my muse, my witnesses and they wait for a change in the signal too. With a slight ripple in the wind and the light, their wings lift up in unison and I am lifted too. I have no need to tarry; I turn towards the fading sun. My heart is carried by a light haven. Inhaling a deep breath of me, I pass a billboard that tells me to have courage.
The path leading home is a narrow road
More so if you do not know the way.
The burden of many years a heavy load
As mirages of memories dance and sway.
I teeter on yesterday's sheer abyss
Avoiding the solid boulders of time.
Afraid that unknown turn-offs I'll miss
For yesterday's roads have no reason or rhyme.
The road back home moves over treacherous terrain
Winding through the lonely corridors of my heart.
Black crows keep pecking at my sickly brain
As the descent into yesterday rips me apart.
The road back home is desolate and bare
The landscape so foreign and unknown.
Easy to lose my way,easy not to care
For yesterday's promises are tossed and blown.
The road leading home is one of defeat
A journey searching for fragments of me.
For reality can simply not compete
With the illusions I call my memory.
Home is where the heart is, so they say,
Between self and heart lies many years.
The heavy toll simply too much to pay
For the way back home is obscured by tears.
Emptiness inside my soul is all that fills the space.
If you look, that's what you'll see in the lines upon my face.
I walked the other side of town just to be your clown.
Left me standing all alone with my world turned upside down.
Back home blues with worn out shoes.
Looking for a sign.
No more abuse, I just refuse.
To give you what is mine.
This bitter pill of exctasy that's twisted me up tight.
Left a taste of lovely waste with no new love in sight.
I hear the clock, I hear the clock, ticking out the days.
With only one dream left to spend and hoping that it pays.
I've been through this a time or two.
It's never any fun.
When love is gone, that's it, we're through.
And nobody has won.
Take me back where I don't care bout grown up things like this.
Back where my heart didn't have to know bout what it didn't miss.
But that's just foolish hopefulness revereing what's been lost.
An empty pocket, lonely soul, that can't afford the cost.
How strange this thought alive tonight,
My own recollection, birthed and taken wing;
How beautiful in flight...
How strange, I think:
A broken heart makes no sound
Soft or loud to fill the air...
Sheds not one drop of sweet red blood;
Strange..this hard jawed pain
The most mortal wound inbred
Does not kill...does not strike the body dead.
Not for the privilege of life
Nor the nectar of surcease
Are we thrown back into the arms of the living;
A deserted bride standing bitter stiff
At the bottom of an endless stairway
Dressed in designer rags...
Holding close a handful of tear wet rice...
The cheap promise of vows taken twice
Beneath a canopy of flowers
Torn from the earth...
But these flowers gift no fragrance
Or soothe the lies above the dirt.
How strange, this farewell to laughter
In the pale silver fullness
Of time allowed
To the end of innocence
To the end of time
And the end of questions...
How strange these thoughts alive tonight
Some bitter measure of relief in practiced comfort
Still suffice for those who do not look too closely
Into Autumn's promise - however - forever given
That Winter will not linger
In stark affection
For some un-numbered night without a name.
And stronger souls than I
Will guard my life
Under deathly cold, impartial snow...
To Occupy this singular place
Of living thought fragile as spider lace...
Standing alone on a side walkway
Leading to a cold and silent house
Still waiting for me to come home.
How strange, to Occupy the pain
Of the bloody footprints
How strange these thoughts alive tonight
Of what was my own
Hard earned safe Haven...
Supposedly, for ever..and beyond forever
For all those beloved to come after the Promise..
The Promises I made...but could not keep.
An empty house can cry
The same dark tears as stronger souls
Will try to hide...
A cousin called the other day saying "Another cousin has passed away".
Well my husband said "How old was she.""
A stalwart woman who had served family and community well. Producing one child that
became a missionary serving in a foreign land..
While talking the cousin asked "Did you know ______"?
My husband answered, "Well, I don't think that I knew them".
The cousin proceeded to tale this story.
"The man had been down with cancer for a while and passed recently..The funeral had been
conducted and the hearse had gone on to the cemetary..The family car with the family was
not to far behind..But when it pulled up, the wife of the deceased did not get out and the
funeral home staff was gathering around..The funeral home director decided to go see what
was going on ...."
The cousin said, " That this funeral home director told him". "That he had been in this
business for thirty-five years and faced something that he had never had happen to him or
any other funeral home director that he knew."
The funeral home director said, "When I got to the family car, I found the wife of the
deceased had passed from a massive corornary."
She had said, "I don't know how I will live without him." She didn't have to learn. God called
The roosters crow, the crows craw and are answered by the gobble of the turkey across the
The wind did stir the thought in kind wanting - for if she knew my soul, just a spark
of it, I would be a rich man...
So long this ribbon of love that flows over the rocks of age and distant torment...
The gate keepers sit alone watching, waiting for the violators who dare not call
It is those shackles which bind misguided dreams that which make fertile ground for
the barkers at the door, for what else does one need to grey the vision and dull
You carry the scent of the well-traveled said the withered old man - I too know your
pain, that which comes from never knowing home - those of us who seek blindly
that which the world cannot give - home is not a place but a thought in time and
nothing more than a stop to rest your ambition...
Cry only for only those who cannot hear you, for it is selfish to do otherwise and
seek home in the gentle embraces of those that know you...
Be kind to those who would bite you, for in doing so it will bring light to a dark path...
Always rejoice in life - it pisses them off and helps them to see the tragic flaw of
their diluted beliefs...
in the angelic silence
of a magical new night..
i remember whispered words
the softness of your breath
tingling the nape of my neck..
your eyes were deep
touch light as a feather
my head on your chest..
the scented sea air
delicately cocooned us
as our lips barely touched..
waves lulled our own melody
of sacred tunes
as hearts became one..
i remember the moment
that time stood still..
how do i describe
something bigger than words..
for in the air
that i breathe..
it is you
who has blessed me...
heaven sent you
amidst the stars above..
the sound of your heartbeat
was when i knew..
A void of Facebook
Creativity dies here...
I do not know?
In the childhood home her mother spins her child
Round and round we go happiness seems to overflow
And the childhood goes by; faster, faster
A growing child with so much energy running and having fun
Careless and free he runs across the yard
He is growing up; faster, faster
Only in middle school and already a rebel
Sticking up for a friend and getting in a fight
He has courage but still he runs; faster, faster
High school has come at last
The odd man out he cries for attention
Into depression he spirals; faster, faster
At the high school prom he meets a girl
The hearts beet together and the music beats in their ears
They are falling madly in love; faster, faster
Barely a year and a kid on the way
To work and back the same routine, every hour, every day
A wedding is coming closer; faster, faster
So far a happy life, and a good career
They buy a home and outside he spins his child
Another childhood is going by; faster, faster
His life was long another one has started from it
But now the ambulance move; faster, faster
And his heartbeat fails; slower, slower
God created hands for building things. Sometimes before you build something, you must first destroy something else.
Wildfires are never supposed to be put out. Their sole purpose is to burn the entire forest to the ground, transform living things to fertilizer, making room and preparing the soil for new growth.
It is almost paradoxical,
that there must be death before birth
My hands have stared the grim reaper’s reflection inside the pool of my best friends blood. An old student I used to tutor told me that I am the best brother she could have asked for
She said she will always love me
This was after I burned every bridge that traversed the gaps between us
Stared at her from across her desk
Told her that she will never be my sister. That our bloodlines will never match.
Our gene pools are just strangers that made the same wrong turn.
I spent so much time trying to find my way back that I never realized I was home in being lost I found something comfortable, without expectations. I only corrected myself after she spoke,
because I heard something familiar in her voice.
She sounded like family.
I have the scarred and wrinkled hands of a senior citizen
I’m only 22 years old
I once got my palm read
This gypsy woman told me that my lifeline should have been cut short when I hit 17.
That was a year ago.
What do gypsies know anyway
I have defied the odds my entire life.
Been broke down and built back up too many times to count
My fingernails chewed raw to the cuticle out of anxiety
I enjoy the taste of my own pain
Sometimes I use my own hands to destroy myself just to see who my real friends are who will build me back up when I can’t do it alone
My hands have a desire to learn how to cook, but I’m not that great.
So when I am alone,
I tend to be hungry, not just for food though.
I starve for someone to talk to
It never satiates, because it’s not you.
I know what it tastes like to completely give myself to someone.
My biggest fear is being abandoned.
When I look into your eyes, I am not afraid.
I need to cook you up a feast of myself, then feed it to you every day for the rest of our lives
Please tell me what I really taste like,
Years after my grandfather passed away, my grandmother moved into my aunt’s house.
Since I was 5, every time I speak to her she asks me:
“Spenser, did you thank God for waking you up today?”
I think to myself, I never did tell my eyes to open themselves. It just happened.
So I don’t know how to respond to her correctly.
I tell her that I love her, that I am writing a lot.
She tells me that she puts her hands together for me every night
Prays that I will get the job I want
I guess some prayers do get answered.
Sometimes two hands in the right position, matched with a conversation with God,
Can change things.
I even accidentally call that place home sometimes.
My dream is that my hands evolve into wolves, become part of a pack and work together with other hands to make a difference
Some days they will be the alpha male.
Full of confidence, at the head of the pack
Other days I need someone to show me the right way to go
Because if I’ve learned anything
It’s that I am not always right
I can not always be in control of everything
The only thing I have ever really wanted is to know
That my hands were truly
A part of something.
P aranoia permeates, etching itself into your fractured face,
A cacophony of constant pressure; life remains a stressful race,
N othing to hope for, no positives like promotion in the workplace,
I nability to love, relationships lift anchor and set sail without chase,
C hildren crushing dreams under mortgages; age grows with disgrace
I do not know?
The Beach of Promises
Fingers entwined, barely touching,
turquoise waters teasing your dancing toes,
strolling along that serene deserted beach,
our promised dreams within aching reach.
Hands clasped, holding on,
sea-breezes tickling the nape of your neck,
walking together, alone, vowing to never breach,
the dreams dreamed on that faraway velvet beach.
Hands in my pockets, alone,
traces of you linger, teasing,
lost in my scribbles, your memory fading out of reach,
my thoughts ablaze, now and then,
catching a whiff of your fragrance,
wafting through alleyways of nostalgia,
your hand in mine on our pristine beach.
Land of the free
Home of the slaves
The blood, sweat and tears of my ancestors resonate
Amongst the soil where they were slain
I’m hearing their struggle
I’m feeling their pain
I can’t imagine being forced to part from my family
All for massa’s gain
So I pay homage to those who promoted change
People like every slave who tried to escape
Nat Turner, Ms Carlotta, Harriet Tubman
And the safe houses who were in accord
And peg leg Joe with his song
Follow the drinking gourd.
People like, the disregarded - those thrown overboard
And who was dismissed and defamed
The ones who were stripped of their soul, their pride, their names
The list could go on
The full will never be told
So I pay homage to others who were bold
Like John Brown, The Freedom Riders, Sojourner Truth
Ida B Wells, Phyllis Wheatley, Maya Angelou,
Langston Hughes and Charles Drew
George Washington Carver, Ruby Bridges
Booker T Washington and Mary McCleod Bethune
Charles Houston, Ralph Bunche, Fredrick Douglass
WEB Dubois, Paul Robeson, Ralph Abernathy
Benjamin Banneker, Marcus Garvey and Crispus Attucks
Who’s death by the way
Symbolized the American lie
You cant declare the rights of all men
While the people of African decent rights get denied
But still we rise
Thanks to Dr Martin Luther King, Malcolm X,
The Black Panthers, the Buffalo Soldiers and Tuskegee Airmen
None who were showed any love
Yeah it’s an uphill battle,
But obviously greatness can be done.
We can rise above this stigma
That blacks are lazy and daunting
That our worth is null and void
And in essence minus nothing
And of all the names mentioned
And the greatness of their successes
No one has been able to erase the evil transgressions of a racist mind
And once you have experienced just a taste of it
It changes your perception of time
The oppression beats like the drum on the chariot
Of when it was finally time to escape to freedom
Dizzied by the whirl of crowds
On sidewalks, seen through windows --
Reflected in mirrored, columned walls --
I drink, I eat, I mull and fret, I yearn,
Little lulled by homely music
Softly playing beneath sonorous
Strains of Spanish
(Beautiful tongue, not yet quite my own,
But now not strange to me --
Not wholly foreign.)
I sneak sidelong glances, I peek, I stare.
And I almost always feign indifference:
A pseudo-cosmopolitan air.
I am quiet and excessively polite,
Not yet knowing how to be rude
In this still stiff idiom.
And, I am ever intensely lonely --
Hungry for a caressing, offhand phrase,
Or only a stray familiar word, hardly heard,
Whispering all there is to say of home.
Flying home to you
Girl, I miss your touch
It's been way too long
Need you so much
My arms don't know
What they're supposed to do
Just hanging around
Waiting to hold you
My lips only making words
Soon they'll be tasting sweet
When we're together
They'll be feeling heat
In your lover's mind
Oh yeah, burning in his heart
He's already there
Soulmate's never really part
Flying home to you
Living on cloud nine
Oh, your breath gives me wings
Just knowing your mine
Flying home to you
Coming home to you!
*Written to my amazing wife!
I do not know?
(for the countless women, names unknown, who bore the brunt of Apartheid, and who fought the racist system at great cost to themselves and their families, and for my mother, Zubeida Moolla)
Pregnant, your husband on the run,
your daughter, a child, a few years old,
they hauled you in, these brutish men,
into the bowels of Apartheid's racist hell.
They wanted information, you gave them nothing,
these savage men, who skin happened to be lighter,
and white was right in South Africa back then,
but, you did not cower, you stood resolute,
you, my mother, faced them down, their power,
their 'racial superiority', their taunts, their threats.
You, my mother, would not, could not break,
You stood firm, you stood tall.
You, like the countless mothers did not break, did not fall.
You told me many things, of the pains, the struggles,
the scraping for scraps, the desolation of separation
from your beloved Tasneem and your beloved Azad,
my elder sister and brother, whom I could not grow
up with, your beloved children separated by time, by place,
by monstrous Apartheid, by brutish men,
whose skin just happened to be lighter.
You told me many things, as I grew older,
of the years in exile, of the winters that grew ever colder.
You were a fighter, for a just cause,
like countless other South African women,
you sacrificed much, you suffered the pangs,
of memories that cut into your bone, your marrow,
you resisted a system, an ideology, brutal and callous and narrow.
Yes, you lived to see freedom arrive, yet you suffered still,
a family torn apart, and struggling to rebuild a life,
all the while, nursing a void, that nothing could ever fill.
I salute you, mother, as I salute the nameless mothers,
the countless sisters, daughters, women of this land,
who fought, sacrificing it all for taking a moral stand.
I salute you, my mother, and though you have passed,
your body interred in your beloved South African soil,
you shall remain, within me, an ever-present reminder,
of the cost of freedom, the struggles, the hunger, the toil.
I salute you!
(for the brave women of South Africa, of all colours,
who fought against racial discrimination and Apartheid)
Two Sonnets for your enjoyment, joined by the same quatrain.
Come and join my fantasy
Anyone with a mind can be a part
You just have to listen to your heart
Music adds such harmony
All spirits have compatibility
You will be happy as a lark
You will feel the joy from the start
One cannot describe the joy inside
Join me in this peaceful place
See the eagles flying with such grace
This is the home of imagination
Here dreams do come true
In this place of our creation
Interruptions are very few
Love is found on every shore
Ever after comes every day
Happy is just another way
Life in forever is never a bore
Live the memories you have stored
Here fairies and butterflies play
Come in and with me stay
You will never want to leave
Come and share my fantasy
On the wings of love fly free
This is the home of imagination
Here dreams do come true
In this place of our creation
Interruptions are very few
Man, I remember the thrumming of that last bell of the school year.....
Like a prisoner being furloughed into the warm sun, buzzing of grasshoppers.
Field stickers burrowing into your ankles, joyfully, while you take the wrong way/long way
The sound of whispering gold as your armplane wings dislodge future assaulters of ankles.
I always liked sighs in the summer.....those sweet drones were the tones of freedom.
In the distance you hear Shirley scream as Brad tells EVERYBODY she likes Ralph...
You knew you should be gettin' home, but, confound it, this one brief moment was yours.
There was a sound, like a shell to the ear, of all you had learned, escaping as if under
To thwart it was to stop a tsunami with an umbrella.....ineffectual....unnoticed.
But, also vacant, was common sense; probably why I went Jake's way that day....
Oh, he was there, lurking...lying in wait for my almost clock-work arrival.
Many a day I had screamed a million insults at him as he chased me like Satan,
Hoping "today" wasn't the day he caught up with me.
His exhalations never sounded labored, as if he was letting me get ahead.....
But not today!!!!!.....I JUMP......He LUNGES......and his teeth gain purchase on my seat!!!!
However, I escape....My bottom, that much cooler than it was before and will probably be
Home.......... you see mom in the kitchen, drinking sun tea and waiting for you to arrive....
"So, How was school?"..."Uh, fine, I guess." "What did you learn today?"......."Uh, to never
underestimate the value of Gym Class!!"......"Well," she says, "if you took home economics,
you'd be able to fix up your pants before Dad gets home and sees your underwear!!"......
Parents NEVER respect an Adventurer's near-fatal exploits!!!
My Kiss from Heaven
I used to have a Ouija board
I’d play with it for hours
I never really believed in it
I thought it had no power
It was just a novelty
To me, a piece of fun
Then once when I was playing it
Just before the day was done
All of the room went kind of still
And a silence touched my soul
It felt like angels were all around me
And my world felt kind of whole
My hand went whirring round that board
Like me, I could not stop it
I felt that I had no control
It disturbed me just a bit.
A message, well it seemed to come
It seemed to say to me
“Phone your father in the old country
And do it speedily”
So I did this, I phoned Mum up
She told me dad was sick
And If I wanted to see him alive
I’d have to get back quick.
Well I got back to see my dad
Then he died not too long after
I let him know how much I loved him
And we shared some tears and laughter
I ask, was this a kiss from Heaven?
It seems like this could be
All I know is I’m glad it happened
It changed my life for me.
11 September 2013 @ 1453hrs.
Lord, I do not know what to do;
Please, lead me by Your side.
Decisions I'm facing are lost and through;
Please, lead me to do what's right.
hearth of family
a temporal domicile
We should not destroy this thing that keeps us alive
This dot in the universe
A place where we all can roam
This place we all call our home
We are delusional if we think we have a place
On the grand scheme of things we are small
Smaller than grains of sand almost nothing at all
This blue dot in space is all we have for life
So why do we quarrel, fight and cause strife
This dot is all we know
Nothing above us and nothing below
A little piece of dust hanging in the heaven's
A place where we work and play
A place of war and peace
In the vastness of space we are alone
Yet we fail to help each other along the way
This blue dot in the vast universe
A place where we should not shed it to pieces
This blue dot we call home
This blue dot that we should cherish.
All around me
Great cities made of sand.
Green sky scrapers poke through the ground
To thrive in life’s strict conditions
And melt away with the tide…
Great houses made of cards
Form lines, and tightrope walk existence,
Knowing that any moment, the wrong brick may fall
And buckle our world to its knees
As Mother Earth shouts Jenga! from the sidelines.
So while were here
We dance with the Glass Goddess
Poised miles above reality,
Leaping over the heavens on our domino stilts-
We floor it in the sky
Living death in the fast lane,
Seizing the day
Because any moment
We could disappear
Play The Radio
Get Up And Dance All Night Long
Music Heals The Soul
On television movie "Dirty Dancing" again
To tell honest truth I felt warm after glow
This looked like a fun thing to do from where I stood
I thought and on my "Bucket List" it will go
But when I moved from my sitting stance_no_no way
Even though this "Dirty Dancing" fanned my flame
At my age just don't have youthful energy left
I will just have to pen a "Bucket List" by name
A very long list of fun things before life's end
Seek map and then go down a never travelled road
Go on a surrey ride to hear the horses' hoofs
Would that my love and I for horse not be heavy
In a hot air balloon basket flow on warm air
Only so many years_go to states not been in
No longer sit at home breath very deeply sigh
I'll be able to tell generations where been
No longer sit home and watch each and every leaf
My life wil move now as if it was set on fire
Skateboarding looks like so much fun_might fall and break arm
Join circus learn to perform by walking high wire
When I look at my "Bucket List" I get so sad
Like New Year Resolutions that I never kept
Need a new list of very achievable things
When I seriously thought about this I just wept..