My cousin shared her wishes and dreams,
On our star gazing night, she whispered them so sweet
As a shooting star glided down from the sky,
She said, I wish ….. I wish…. all I wish are these tonight
Someday, I will marry a smart, rich and handsome guy
And have a grandiose banquet on my nuptial rite
We’ll be dancing like a lovely prince and princess ,
With all my wedding sponsors on their best suits and dresses
All in pink ,that’s the motif I will surely request.
She kept into her dreams as several years passed by,
Still searching for her prince charming who’s hard to find
Unconsciously going beyond the age to give birth to a child,
In a hurry at age of seventy, she took a rich ninety years old guy.
The wedding was held after a day or two,
The guy seated on his wheelchair with rheumatism on his toe
She headed slowly at the alter to accept his shaking hands,
Two nurses followed, so with sponsors dressed up in printed brown.
The highlight of the wedding rite started at once,
They held tightly with a nebulizers on the other hands,
But the words of oath, they took time to pronounce
False teeth were both misplaced and nowhere to be found.
Reception followed grandiosely in the guy’s mansion,
I saw many old men and women still eager to dance on the floor,
With hunched back, shaking knees, they twisted rock and roll
Then, sweet music played and my cousin danced with her groom.
But, we all wondered how did he stand alone?
He’s so heavy , I knew my cousin couldn’t help him at all,
With our great surprise, his nurse was at his side like his crutch
Everyone thought , he’s really a smart guy! Was he not?
Then, everyone followed them so happily on the spacious hall,
And in trio, they held each other so tight and moved like a fool.
Written: Sept. 15, 2012
Contest: My Cousin's Wedding (funny poem)
Contest Judged: 9/30/2012
Poet Sponsor: Joann Grisetti
It was a time ov thirst, crepuscle zearchin,
the Count in dark, becharmed her every secret zeal;
vatever aappened to his favoroured virzzin?
Vatever aappened to his crimson meal?
My bite I'll hold to thine exquisite neck,
(In Transylvania I'm vaiting, auspicious maid) ,
vas told that virzzins vaporized from earth,
and so evil vampires will stay thirsty, I'm afraid.
My Castle, I assert, vill vait for thee,
It is embarrassing for Counts to dine on food,
meanvile red should be drunk like rare chablis,
vilt thou, fair maid, succumb to my persisting mood?
Hast thou ever heard of my night delights?
Thou vilt dine on rare meat vile listening to tunes from the abyss,
I'll beguile your thoughts under candle lights,
and then (enraptured nymph), thou shalt receive my kiss.
Thou shalt be my companion to dark doom,
Teetotal I became due to the lack of virzzins,
it is more evident ven your perfume,
enthralls my Dracula stimulated senses.
I'll bend on your rest, vile you'll be asleep,
vere bats from caves have fled around the room before,
like from a fresh rose your red I shall reap,
and in crepuscular twilight ve, shall soar.
© 01-26-2013, G. V., All Rights Reserved
The date was set and the church booked up
Invitations sent out, colors picked, and a hall for the sup.
The bridesmaids and groomsmen had all been chosen
For the date for us on the calendar was now frozen.
The Maid of Honor could only one person be
The Best Man knew this day would be crazy.
For all of the planning, the work, and the tension
Would culminate in this day of anticipation.
The minister counseled us and helped us to plan
But the burden was on us, for this day to span.
We wanted everyone to be as happy with us today
That's why we took so long to plan it this way.
The floweres trimmed the aisle along the carpet white
While all our family and friends dressed festively tonight.
The music started to play as the couples walked the aisle
I was reminded not to cry, instead to give a big smile.
It was my turn to walk the walk now
"Don't slip, don't trip, don't cause a row.
It's the day of the wedding and there is my peer
One question remains, "What am I doing here?"
Trying to remember my family on a three hour ride
'cause I'm going once again to see a new bride.
This makes number three for poor cousin Vinny,
the last two was crazy but at least they were skinny.
The new one he's got looks like a man.
He calls her sweetie but I call her Stan.
He's five foot four and she's six foot five.
My poor cousin vinny might not survive.
She use to carry lumber down at the mill,
but now she's a wrestler her name is 'Big Kill'.
Standing six foot five with a linebackers head.
If this one goes south poor vinny is dead.
He swears to us all that he loves her alot,
but I think he's lying so he won't get shot.
My cousin Vinny is lost without any clue,
and the woman he loves wears a size 19 shoe.
But I'll always come and support his new mess,
'cause each time he marries my wife gets a new dress.
Dustin Self (my cousin's wedding contest)
In the month of February 'twas fate
We chose our special wedding date
A love, I cannot explain
Couldnâ€™t wait to take his name
So why do I still hyphenate?
By Rhonda Johnson-Saunders, January 30, 2012
for Linda-Marie's February Funny Bone contest
First place finish
I woke up in rapture, when she started to sing.
Naughty whispers in my ears, “Someone’s coming”
My ecstatic view;
A child is due!
Then she continues, “My mother’s visiting”
Baffled stood the flower girl,
I was scooped up in groom's arms.
'neath the gazebo we stood,
his glinting eyes keen.
"Will hold you close to my heart,
keep you tacked, no ducking out;
reckon time will slow crawl, till
you become my bride."
10th place in the contest
For Contest : "Wedding Rehearsal-Dodoitsu"
Sponsored by Dr Ram Mehta
Written by Gautami Phookan
Pinch me,I do believe I'm in love
With the looker who's swaying up above
With his stuff up in the breeze
He does surely aim to please
As I look for another dollar to shove
My girlfriends are shouting and giggling away
We celebrate her upcoming wedding day
Lots of silliness abounds
As we take turns buying rounds
The dancers know what to do and say
Embarrassment's not an option at all
The bride-to-be feels ten feet tall
They show her lots of attention
When her wedding we mention
The party carries on till last call
So glad my birthday wasn't known
Or my cover would've been blown
And I'd the embarrassed one be
As those Chippendales danced for me
A few extra moves would be shown!
for contest"Burlesque Botique"
sponsored by Miranda Lambert
"The Hen-pecked Husband"
By M. Taha Effendi
The door bell rang yet again,
and yonder heard the distinct voice,
of my dear old wife, full of pain,
drowned all my dreams of rejoice.
then came the thundering slap,
that landed on my cheek now red,
and as I panicked out of my nap,
I realized I had wet my bed.
On the wedding
The Bishop co-ordinating
Called in the groom
Only awaiting the bride
Hymns going up in the air
Half hour passed
And yet she is unarrived
"What is delaying you?"
The groom yelled at the Bishop
"Your bride isn't here"
With a dimple from the groom's cheek
Loke side way at his bride
"He has long arrived
I am gay"