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Tree Funny Poems | Funny Poems About Tree

These Tree Funny poems are examples of Funny poems about Tree. These are the best examples of Tree Funny poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

Details | I do not know? | |

TROLIUS TROLL

Remember the story 
of Billy Goats Gruff?
The troll under the bridge,
and all of that stuff?
If you liked that old story
it's all good and well,
but it isn't at all 
the troll tale I will tell.

Now, Trolius Troll 
was a timorous soul;
A more timid troll
you never shall see.
He lived in a hole 
in the base of the bole,
(that is, the trunk) 
of a turpentine tree.  
                                    
Young Trolius Troll, 
I ask you to note,
is a strict vegetarian; 
he does not eat goat.
You might not believe me,
but, begging your pardon,
he eats only produce
from his vegetable garden.

One day, after harvesting 
some of his crop,
with a basket of turnips,
with some carrots on top, 
he strode up the path, 
just as proud as could be,
toward his home in the trunk 
of the turpentine tree.
                                    
Then, outside the door
of his pine tree abode,
was a sight that made
Trolius Troll drop his load.
There, with a chainsaw 
and a double-bit ax,
stood a brawny, black bearded, 
blue eyed lumberjack.
                                    
With his feet wide apart 
on the green, grassy ground,
the lumberjack looked 
the troll's tree up and down--
Then, laying the ax 
on a moist, mossy bank,
he gave the saw's start rope 
a sudden, sharp yank.

With a white puff of smoke 
and an ear splitting sound,
the saw shattered the silence 
for acres around.
The lumberjack stepped 
to the tree's sturdy base
with a smile of delight 
on his black-bearded face.
                                      
Then, the usually timorous
troll gave a shout,
and, pounding his chest,
he went leaping about.
With a wild snarl of rage 
and a blood chilling wail,
the once timid Trolius 
charged up the trail.
                                    
The brave lumberjack 
was stricken with awe.
He turned from the tree, 
and dropped the chain saw.
Through the ferns and the bushes 
the tree feller ran.
and he never returned 
to the forest again.
                                  
And so ends a story,
that some might find droll,
of a timid and timorous
tree dwelling troll.                             
But its message is clear,
it’s as clear as can be:  
You may monkey about with Trolius, friend,  
but you’d better not mess with his tree.


Details | Light Poetry | |

Mountain Lake Inspiration

Mountain Lake is my favorite place to write
under shade tree are my pencil, paper, and pole.
Scribble down words while waiting for a bite
fishing my most popular angling hole.

Fish are jumping all around hook and line
small cork sits still and does not move or fade.
Patiently I sit in wait for that fish to dine
beneath weeping willow of cool tree shade.

Inspiration overwhelms biding snare
while creative mind laggardly transcends.
In far distance I see lone grizzly bear
and leave a good fishing pole to his friends.

Copyright © 2011 By Caryl S. Muzzey

Fourth Place Winner ~ "Inspired” Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Miranda Lambert
July 20, 2011


Details | Cowboy | |

PIKES PEAK CRANKY CRITTER CONFAB

Up in Colorado, in the forests of Pikes Peak
A cranky critters conference was held just this week
It was led by a mouse, 3 legs, whiskerless & without tail
"Against a common foe!" He said "We must Unite! We must prevail!"

He hobbled out to the edge of the woods & pointed toward a house
In that house, I once lived a good life, a young & healthy mouse
Then one day the rancher's wife decided she'd had enough
I will say she is a worthy adversary, Mercy she was tough!

He looked around at all the critters, weasel, skunk & squirrel
& said "I hate to admit it but I was bested by a girl!"
Its true, I escaped alive but she got her trophies, too
For I left my tail, paws & whiskers stuck there in her glue 

The squirrel spoke up in a streetwise Brando voice
I'll accept the challenge! For this mission, I am the best choice!
I know this lady well, having enjoyed seeds & nuts out on her deck
I am not afraid of her & will show her we deserve respect

So the squirrel plotted & waited until the time was right
He saw his chance & took it while in the birds she took delight
He scampered up a pine tree & scurried out on to a branch
While she was distracted with a phone call & a pretty bird, he seized his chance

He took a flying leap, landing square on her blond head
Taking great delight in her squeals of surprise & dread
He then let loose with a torrent of the defecation sort
"That's for all the dead & walking wounded!" was his parting retort
 
The moral of this story, for one there must be
Is be mindful of avenging squirrels when you sit beneath a tree 


Details | Narrative | |

MAMA CAT AND HER GANG

My son and his family drove down from the big city,
out to the countryside with open fields and steams.
They brought their standard golden poodle along, 
a curly-haired fellow, name of Timmy.
Timmy had never seen a cat;
not even a mole or a furry rat.
Visiting country kin, he was checking things out.

Everything went fine that very first day.
Cats went about paying him no mind.
He walked about just passing time.
On that second day there was a big mistake.
Being a city dog with more worldy ways,
to add pleasure to his hum-drum days,
he thought it time to befriend these country kin.
 
The cats had never seen a dog this small,
only those on stilts, big, long and tall, 
like Pyrenees, big wide mouths and teeth to match.
With barking big dogs on the scene,
up a tree they squirreled, never to be seen.
But this golden-haired fellow, with city clout--
they’d give him benefit of instinctive doubt.

Mama cat was even so bold 
to sniff this city slicker right on the nose.
Sizing him up all the while, a friendly rat, she surmised,
a might bigger than some she had seen,
playing cat and mouse, yet acting so coy;  
that is, until that overgrown golden-haired rat  
walked up to Mama’s black baby boy.

Mama’s two other sons, another black and a blue,
began to gather nearer this city dweller, too.
Timmy politely extended his nose.
black son cat extended his razor-sharp claws,
with a bristled tail and fierce hissing jaws. 
Timmy let out with a painful yelp,
as Mama cat called all boys in for help.

Cats surrounded and gave chase to the dog,
life-fearing circles around the cedar tree he’d log;
four hissing cats hot on his tail,
poor Timmy yelping in a desperate wail.
The master of Timmy gave rescue,  
but Mama cat and her three grown sons,
strutting in pride, putting a dog on the run. 



Written by:  Carolyn Henderson
For Constance LaFrance's Cat Poem Contest
Won 9th Place


Details | Light Poetry | |

The Bowing Tree

We were so pathetic our first year of marriage. They say that being poor builds character, maybe that explains it. 
 

We were married way too young to ever have much money, The thought of spending for a Christmas tree seemed to be too funny. We decided that we would do without to save cash on which to live, Because the cost of even a meager tree was more than we could give. One night on my way home from work I followed a tree barring truck, A pothole hit and a tree flew off it seemed I’d had some luck. I took it home to my new bride and the sight lit up her eyes, She decided to make decorations for this Christmas tree surprise. So while I went to find a stand, she started to pop some corn, She took a needle and threaded them and soon the tree adorned. She cut out cardboard stars and bells in foil they then got covered, I set the tree up in its stand and that’s when a problem was discovered. There was something wrong with the trunk of our little Christmas tree, It curved so badly that when it stood up it made the letter “C”. Without some help it couldn’t stand so to the top we tied a rope. To the closet rod it got fastened to hold it upright was our hope. When the door to the closet slid shut tight the tree stood proud and tall, With its aluminum decorations and popcorn strands it really had it all. When we opened the door to get our coats the rope would always slack, And the little tree would bow to us and we would bow right back. Many years have passed since then and now our house is full of trees, But none of them are as polite as our first that was so eager to please.


Details | Haiku | |

ZOOKEEPER

Lookin' after pests
Keepin' a CLOSE eye on 'em
"Those wild animals!"

Roamin' around zoo
Searchin' for sneaky monkey
Hidin' in a tree

Zookeeper gets mad
"Where's Marty, the smartypants!?"
"He TOOK my cage keys!"


Details | Ode | |

Ode to an Arborculturalist

Why that no good little birch
I think I alder leaf her
My aspens in the dirt
Don’t you know I’m not that poplar
I damn near choked on a little oak
And though I tried I am not maple 
Now the branches are all broke 
and the limbs are so unstable
 
I could go against the grain
But I’d hate to needle yew  
So I guess I’ll cedar later 
And bough out fir the one that’s true
  
Can’t see the forest for the trees 
Can’t tell just when the root will rot 
You know I think its elm diseased 
And I can do with out the knots 
Well now it’s really got me stumped  
Just when I should have sawed right through it  
And it’s too late to pack my trunk 
Or perhaps I just out grew it
 
I could go against the grain
But I’d hate to needle yew  
So I guess I’ll cedar later 
And bough out fir the one that’s true
 
Some trees grow up in a grove
Others make a stand alone
But there ain’t no peach with out a pit 
And there ain’t no pine with out a cone 

I’m sure the heart wood ain’t no good
So I won’t go out on a limb 
But when a tree is being felled 
I wish that someone would cry timber
I just don’t think that I’ll ever see 
A poem lovely as a tree 
So I won’t Beech and I won’t Pine 
I’ll just remind you one more time 

I could go against the grain
But I’d hate to needle yew  
So I guess I’ll cedar later  
If you were sap then you’d run too


Details | Rhyme | |

Pre-Lit Trees


PRE-LIT TREES

Pre-lit Christmas trees are great
As long as all of the lights burn
But when the lights begin to go
There's a lesson to be learned

Though you admired your pre-lit tree
So beautifully all decked out
When the lights go out, the glow is gone
And your wife begins to pout

So off to Wal-Mart for replacements
Which you must carefully thread
Among the ornaments and pre-lit strands
Where all the lights are dead

After the holidays have passed
The tree now must come down
Minus all the pre-lit bulbs
Once all the connections are found

You finally get them off the tree
In a tangled mass on the floor
Dare you try to test them
To see if they'll burn any more

You decide the trash bin is better
And my advice to you would be
Save yourself some trouble
Don't buy a pre-lit tree 


	Curtis Moorman
	6 January 2012


Details | Quatrain | |

O Christmas Tree

'Tis that time again to bedeck the tree with decorations!

   Untangling the string of lights is one of my annual frustrations!

      Naughty words are said but when all is said and done, you'll,

         Happily declare that sans a Christmas tree it wouldn't be a Yule!

Placed No. 9 in Kim Merryman's "Here We Go A Caroling" Contest - January 2013


Details | Burlesque | |

Me and The tree

I look at this tree-
which quite frankly reminds me of me.
Strong, firm, flows so beautifully.

My moods are like the leaves-
forever changing so colorfully. 
At times my hearts feels  like, after the coldest winter for a tree .
and it takes timefor me to rebuild my beauty.
It can flow as gently as the leaves...
during a strong summer's breeze.

With the nuturing care of God's hands and his air,
I survive with all the obstacles God gives...
I'm strong and firm, my skins like bark it relives.
But... their is one thing that is different;
between me and tree.
and that's the tree is guaranteed to out live me.  


Details | Free verse | |

Christmas Merriment

Snowflakes falling, falling all night
My pine tree adorned, now illuminating under snow
I brush and brush off, unveiling Christmas twinkling lights
Giving the white ground a colorful glow
An appearance of a Hallmark card, I must say
My children gather around the tree in merriment 
Then one by one they form fluffy snowballs
Laughing mischievously they begin to throw them at me
Well you can guess what happens next
Yep, before I was done they are covered in white
Red face and cold we all go indoors for the night
In front of the fireplace tired, beginning to warm
We look at each other and started to grin
Deep belly-laughs replaces the grins
You can't have enough of a good thing


For Nathan's "Christmas Joy" contest


Details | Kyrielle | |

Santa Mommy

My nose is getting red like Santa’s perhaps I’ll grow a beard
Welcome to my holiday home at this special time of year
I’ve hidden all the wrapped up boxes and all the clutters cleared
My son is on the air-o-plane he is getting VERY, very near!

Got the balsam wreathes up from Big Y and hung them on the doors
Welcome to my holiday home at this special time of year
Go pick a pretty bulb out from the boxes on the floor
and set it out at ready for the big tree will soon appear.

Soon I’ll drive to JFK to get the MAN that big ole kid
Welcome to my holiday home at this special time of year
If I had a bright red sleigh I’d get there fast like Santa did,
avoiding all the Yuletide traffic, why yes, I’d steer right clear.

With my red nose and a borrowed beard, red hat and all
Welcome to my holiday home at this special time of year
I’d shift the pillow in my drawers and the crowd would be appalled
You’d see security winking “There’s a coo-coo over here!”

They’d let me through with no pat down, no scan of Santa’s tummy
Welcome to my holiday home at this special time of year
I’d shout it to the customs guards “It’s just HIS loony Mummy!”
I need him to set up the pine tree before he disappears.

His friends have called their all waiting there is more of them than me 
Welcome to my holiday home at this special time of year
One of the few times I see that boy by time and spaces decree
I’ll call them all to gather for the trimmings of yesteryear.


Details | Rhyme | |

Typically Luke Poem 13 - TREE HOUSE SAGA

Luke was building a tree house He was building it all by himself A rusty old hammer, several bent nails And wood that used to be someone’s shelf We could all hear Luke working so hard Hammering and sawing away He was such a busy little bee He didn’t even have time to play He’d get the job half completed Then it would all just fall apart But he’d just pick up the pieces and start again The kid certainly does have heart Finally the tree house was finished Luke was as proud and as happy as could be He’d done a good job, but there was something missing And unfortunately that was the tree. But Luke shouldn't get too upset Shouldn't let it get to his head He may not have made a tree house But he had made a lovely shed.


Details | Light Poetry | |

Autumn's Mellow Fruitfulness

This summer was so crazy with a drought but still where mosquitoes multiplied.
And we’re leaving behind a hurricane that attacked the Midwest from all sides.
The crops were lost as months of over 100-degree temperatures, drove us hard.
They were Months that steadily held us captive within our own house doors.

I was soooo looking forward to Autumn where every thing would step aside.
I was dreaming of cool nights so mellow and days where I could walk my dog.
Yes, where the dogs feet and our shoe bottoms, would not be melting off.
Where leaning over the fence while talking to neighbors could be done.

But then, BOOM, along came Autumn, and I do mean with a capital B-O-O-M!
Our acorn tree decided for the first time in 30 years…to go forth and bloom...
And the gumball tree with its little spikes, doesn’t ever want, to be outdone.
The trees are very old and big at more than three stories high, you know…

I shouldn’t have watered them soooo much during the drought and heat, with glee.
For those cute little acorns are now shooting off the trees at mock ten, I do believe.
They hit the house and ground, then ricochet with a force that makes me grieve.
Dozens come down, at a time, bouncing with speeds even planes can’t achieve.

Umbrellas don’t seem to work as they bounce off the house and patio below…
Lord…help me Jesus… I say, as I dodge back and forth, under the rain below…
My dogs won’t go outside… and even my birds have moved a few yards down…
To a more docile terrain we’re all bound, as we were steadily run, off ground.

Even the squirrels stopped trying to bury them, and have left it all behind, so forlorn.
They're hanging a few doors down as my ground has become, wall-to-wall acorns. 
Acorns have hit with so much force, that I’ve had to cover my windows for once.
I no longer sit by my window to write… Yep… Bazinga! Won, with a vengeance...

Once the acorns finally end…the spiky gumballs will be gleefully awaiting, to begin.
I’m looking forward to winter, though I begin to believe it’ll be an unusual clincher.
As I’ve learned to say… You never know when life will send you a… Bazinga!
And that... sometimes Autumn's fruitfullness isn't so mellow after all.


Details | Limerick | |

My Very Own Tree Stump

He really was as dumb as a tree stump Carried all his weight in his big old rump But I fell for his line And made him all mine 'Cause he was as sweet as dear Forest Gump


Details | Rhyme | |

In Love with a Tree Stump

Today I dressed and went out
for my daily roundabout
what started as a short jog
turned into a funny log.

I watched as she was worshipped
smelt, licked, never a day skipped
she was bathed in showers warm
from that bad dog's morning storm!

A proud thing, its head held high
enjoyed nibbles from her guy
kissed, embraced by the river
by her adoring beaver!

From the rains the night before
she woke and happily wore
her jeweled crown shining through
when from her womb mushrooms grew.

This last stump, a diff'rent kind
was quite lucky it could find
a lover, friend, chum, and pal
lucky he, but poor, poor gal!


Details | Light Poetry | |

Raking it in

I had to pay for a new pair of shoes When I went shopping today, I asked politely but they refused, To freely give them away. I guess that’s just the way of things, And everything comes with a fee. It’s a shame about the strife it brings, Because money don’t grow on a tree. But what if it did? Think of the inflationary implications, When the leaves begin to drop. And all of the economic ramifications, When the falling leaves won’t stop. Why we’d be ankle deep in currency, Enough around to burn. My Maple tree would carry me There’d be no need to earn. There’d be a line of kids around the block, Just wanting to rake my yard. I’d keep them moving around the clock, Then bags of leaves I’d guard. I’d take my leaves to the bank, To make a deposit at the local branch. They might think that it’s a prank, But I’m saving for an oak tree ranch.


Details | Rhyme | |

The New Santa Claus

I'm locking up my house, because it's that time for thieves.
I need to Santa proof my place, because It's Christmas Eve.
If he does get in, I'm going to run and hide.
I left out some milk and cookies with rat pellets inside.
While he's eating the cookies and he's starting to sweat.
The reindeer will be caught in security nets.
"I'm sorry boys and girls, but Santa has to retire!"
I'm going to tie him to the tree and set poor Santa on fire.
Then I'm going to take the toys and keep them all to myself.
Even though I've been bad, no coals will be on my shelf.
Merry Christmas to me! This year is going to be grand!
I'll get whatever I want, if Christmas goes as I planned!
Wearing Santa Claus' suite I'll get in houses without keys.
In twenty seven minutes I'll rob twenty seven trees!
So all you little brats, don't you cry and sob.
With the recession and depression, I just needed a job.
A lot of things are going to change, but you all shouldn't be sad.
Now that I'm the new Santa, It doesn't matter who's bad.
I'll use the elves as my slaves and the toys will still come.
Instead of a Nintendo, you'll get a gallon of rum.
Toy guns are for babies, how about the real thing?
A candy neckless won't impress, I'll make sure that it's bling.
You said you wanted a pony? How about a deer that can fly?
No more lousy presents, no more socks, or bad ties.
I'll change... 
Wait... Wait a minute... Was that all just a dream?
Why do I only have coal under the tree and in my stocking?
Santa please come back! I promse I'll be better next year!
I promise I'll be good and I'll spred more Christmas cheer!

Did Santa Claus come back? Did he come like I thought he should?
No Santa didn't, but next year I'll be good!
I'll only do what is right, aleast to his satisfaction.
So he comes back to my house, and my plan goes back into action!


Details | Rhyme | |

The Kitty and the Bunny: An Easter Song

"The Kitty and the Bunny" is a children's song, sung to the tune of "Pop! Goes the 
Weasel".

'Round and 'round the dogwood tree
Kitty chased the Easter Bunny,
'Til Bunny tossed an egg
That broke Kitty's leg;
And Kitty cried, "This game ain't fun-ny!".

Bonus activity: Give children some crayons and paper and have them turn this poem into a comic strip. Tell them you would use four boxes for your comic strip: one showing Kitty chasing the bunny, the next one showing the bunny tossing an egg, the next showing kitty holding his paw, and the last one showing tears streaming down Kitty's face. But, tell children they can use as few or as many boxes as they like for their comic strips and even change the storyline. The dogwood tree becomes an apple tree and bunny is seen pelting Kitty with apples. Perhaps squirrels join in the fight and start throwing acorns at Kitty.


Details | Rhyme | |

I believed I could Fly

I climbed a tall tree one day when I was young Walked out on a branch while staring at the sun Holding onto some limbs I started to bounce up and down Not thinking about the fact that I was twenty feet from the ground So I closed my eyes to really enjoy this new found fun With the warmth on my face of the early morning sun I started thinking about God and perhaps he would allow me to fly So I let go of the limbs I was hanging onto at both sides For a moment I felt a strong embrace that filled me with his love Then down out of the tree to the ground I fell with a thud Everything on my left side was now on my right And I carried this pain with me all through that night I will never forget that day I truely believed I could fly And how thankful to God that I am still alive
Dan Kearley:6-28-11 (4)


Details | Haiku | |

The tree frogs

I caught two tree frogs;
They jumped into our flour can
From the paper box!


Details | Free verse | |

the apple tree greed

the apple tree greed 
the apple tree greed 

he has an apple a green apple 
he is the only person in this room 
with a green apple 
suppose suppose NOW 
he has MORE of those at home 
WHY he has a GREEN APPLE tree 
In his backyard no WAIT 
He has a vineyard behind his chapeau 
And he makes green apple wine 
And he sells it to the BOONES FARM people 
And they make BOONES FARM green apple wine 
And the whole city is soon sick 
The children ralf and barf and ralf again 
There is no more end to the men 
Drinking all the green apple wine 
To make this ONE person rich 
He never offered me any of his wine 
Eyes never drink of alcoholic beverage 
Eye have juices and tea and a soda please 
I'm just full of good intentions 
Picking green apples in my mind and eating way too many 
Having a green apple with mye lunch of poetical decay 
WAIT he left and YES he took the green apple core with him 
Not leaving me a bite not wanting me to taste the pleasure 
of his mite. Why eye understand him greedy is his name 
the green apple hoarder has so many apples now his wine cellar is so full and 
his larders aer so rich he does save the stems and seeds to plant again in 
ground so rich and he chews on this green apple while he watches MTV in 
selfish hedonistacal revenge while eye have no green apple stuck between my 
teeth OH bliss oh strang decay my teeth at least aer happier today he took the 
core away he left me all alone im appleless today im happier to say no song is 
being sung of little apples of the green variety been hung oh see the tree how big 
its grown the apples have been lost too long and they fall in misery from 
branches of decay to rot to rot to rot upon the vineyard floor there is no apple wine 
no more the green variety is gone they drink it only read and red is the color of the 
wine in cups so full of color there in plates so heaped of agony with applesauces 
vailiantly piled higher then the sky. 


Details | Haiku | |

Tam-Tams

.....Tam-tams in jungle
Play for Hippopotami
That dance and tangle.


Details | Rhyme | |

Family Tree

Our Family Tree extends from deep roots and long branches.
Some of our kinsmen grow fast Fruit Trees just in case the
Harvest becomes romantic.
Others imitate Olive Trees as they Stand for the Emblem of Peace
And youngsters try to Extinguish Bushfires for some of their
Mistakes can’t cease.
Some of our Willows weep as a Pine Tree in the Land; silent 
Dripping Tears.
The Scornful have become Forsaken like an Emptiness in the Palm 
Of your hand.
A majority of us found shade underneath the Yellow Birch Tree
And when we decided to depart the Peaches reaped a Golden Jubilee.
Our Forefathers have become successful being planted in a good
And solid ground.
So the next time you want to look up my Ancestors just head for
The nearest Forest right here in Town..


Details | Rhyme | |

They Is A-hangin' Me Tonight

Well, here I sit a-sweatin' and a-thinkin' in the hoosegow in old Santa Fe.
In the glow of the settin' sun I see the hangin' tree jes' across the way.
Folks has come in their buckboards from near and far to enjoy the show.
Things ain't a-lookin' too good fer me right now, I want y'all to know!

The preacher was here babblin' words of hope and a-prayin' fer my soul.
Well, he was reassurin' and charmin' but he left me feelin' mighty low!
He said if'n I'd repent my sins they'd be a slight chance of avoidin' hell!
I reckon in a hour er so the Lord'll sort that out - fer now who can tell!

The sheriff jes' came by a-wantin' to know what I want fer my final meal.
"Fried chicken, taters and a beer would do" said I.   More'n that don't appeal.
Through the bars I see the sheriff's boys a-stretchin' out the noose.
I hope they gits it adjusted comfortable like - not too tight and not too loose!

I admit I ain't been a outstandin' dude and I've been a hell-raiser all my life.
But shucks, horse thievin' didn't cause no harm nor did I molest a feller's wife.
But that jedge saw things diff'runt, 'specially since it was his hoss I stole!
He said, "Son, you're to be strung up on a tree - God have mercy on yer soul!"

I see they drove the final nail in my coffin - I reckon I'm ready to face my fate.
Maybe before they stretch my neck the guv'ner'll call if'n it ain't too late.
I'm mighty glad them folks is enjoyin' theyselves partyin' and drinkin' beer.
Too bad it's my demise they is celebratin and a-causin' all that cheer!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved

(Sequel to follow)