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Heaven Funny Poems | Funny Poems About Heaven

These Heaven Funny poems are examples of Funny poems about Heaven. These are the best examples of Heaven Funny poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Rhyme |

Heavenly bliss

Heavenly bliss

Shawn and Shauna fell deeply in love
And were on their way to be wed
When a car, on that day, took their lives straight away
As both of their bodies, lie dead

But their spirits were both drawn to heaven
As they stood, in front of the gates
Saint Peter was there, at the top of the stairs
When Shawn hollered loudly  “Just Wait"

Now Peter looked puzzled, at Shawn
And said "This is no time to tarry "
Shawn spoke again, and refused to go in
Without being properly married

Saint Peter replied very softly 
"We don't do that kind of thing here
But if you're willing to wait, 
“I’ll see if I can, get it cleared”

Three months went by, while they waited
Saint Peter, show up with a Priest
"I know it was slow, But I want you to know
You’ll be married Forever at least"

As the wedding was getting started
Shawn asked a question, with doubt
What happens here in heaven  
“If this marriage just doesn’t work out”

A silent filled up the heavens
Saint Peter, was shaking his head
And once he regained his composure
This is what Saint Peter said
 
“It took Three Months to find a Priest
In this Heavenly Foyer
How long do you think, I’ll take for me
Up here, to find you a Lawyer ?”






Details | Rhyme |

"A Rose From Heaven Grows"

May we always address dis-complacency, the vacancy,
And remove all opposes, to our roses,............................................................(Acts 18:4-6)
Here at Poetry Soup, completing love’s 100% loop, in our soup,

For an authentic rose, from God it grows, always knows,
It’s own heart, from which it grows,

For authenticity’s, dis-complacency
Displaces a rose, from which it grows, then only heaven knows,
A rose, from which it grows,
Then it tis the mind’s dis-complacency, from it’s own heart,
Then does it’s part, hid from it’s own heart,
Redresses the rose, then rose begin an oppose,
To it’s heart, from which it grows,......................................(II Thes.2:3-5) Ego mind persona

A displaced rose, is still a rose,
By it’s own authenticity, it still grows,
As the heart, still does it’s part, from the very start,

For it  tis the mind, lost in it’s wilderness time, must realign,
With beginning of time, love of heart’s kind,
For it  tis,  redressing of mind, with heart’s beginning of time,
That undresses the rose, from it’s dress of the oppose,..........................(II Timothy 2:24-25)
For a rose, is still a rose, from whence it grows,
Not death’s oppose,

Like a tree, grows from inside itself, you see,
From an higher intelligence, to be,
That being,  from it’s own heart, it’s love of start,

Like a dog, is a dog, not a hog,
Tis  it’s central intelligent being, does it’s seeing,
Not it’s bureaucracy of fleas, hidden in it’s leaves,
Nor living in the hairs of your scalp,- Yeeeeeap!
Taking their ease, if you please,

As a nation, we have bureaucratic fleas, living in our leaves,
The fleas are in control, should a flea be so bold,
To tell the truth, tis growing old,

Should a parasite raise our taxes, should the parasites waxes us,
In our town hall meetings, try to ignore our pleadings,
And begin their elite minded proceedings, 
By saying we are criminals, and it they are the emeralds,
Tis our freedom of speech, being bleached,  under siege,
Should not even a dog own his own fleas, guys pleeeeease!

Our government is not a party to our rose,
They are opposed, to our rose, the fleas that grows, 
From the power of our rose,
In our leaves, if you please,
A parasite, out of sight, must take flight,

Tis their complexity, the hex, no flex, too complex,
Will bring our nation to it’s knees, so please,
Use your voice, of choice, 
Our fleas have become to numerous, to humor us,
Not a plus, but like a rust,
Our fleas in charge of us!!

9-20-09 johnmosesfreeman@yahoo.com


Details | Couplet |

ANGELIC HALLOWEEN

    Halloween was coming and the angels thought they'd have some fun,
    Since they sometimes thought of dressing up before the Holy One.

    They all got together and decided to do just that,
    Dress up in devilish costumes...Surprise the Lord like some earthly college frat.

    Each one was to make his costume from the ethereal
    A very inexpensive and unusual type of material.

    Then, when the Lord was looking down at earth
    Don the costumes for some Heavenly mirth.
    
    It'll be a costume party for us here in our Heavenly abode
    Different from always wearing these white sophisticated robes.

    We'll have a good laugh and God will understand
    We're just having a laugh here in His Heavenly plan.
    
    The moment came, all the costumes had been made
    And when the Lord looked up, Heaven was a different shade.

    "Something is amiss, here." , He said in the shades of that red hue
     Perhaps I'll  bring Satan here, to find out if this is something new.

     It would be difficult to invite that guest into heaven you see
     As he had been banished for all the eons of centuries.

     But nothing is impossible for the Lord for He can do any feat
     And just when he was to summon Satan, the Angels all shouted

      "Trick or Treat"!


Details | Ballade |

Johnny Depp Wrapped in Chocolate Would Be Heaven Sent

~~Johnny Depp Wrapped in ChocolateThat Would Be Heaven Sent~~ Bonjour môn amies a ballade to write, will be my fait accompli The trials of a woman to bring love - in a village that did not play. An alluring female chocolatier opens a choclaterie-e Hated by the Mayor she wished her plans she never did lay Ooh la la !! Her dress was racy - but still they began to pay Johnny Depp was her gypsy lover when on the river they went But she had to win the love of others to fulfil plans, come what may Johnny Depp wrapped in chocolate - that would be heaven sent. A village so French - a so called femme fatal-e She determined to change there outlook and stay Viva la difference, but one by one she turned them to see Her chocolate treats did melt in mouth - in secret they did say C’est manifique - they whispered with authority Her sweets bites bought together those she thought were meant Even though some tried to block her treats others made a silent plea Johnny Depp wrapped in chocolate – that would be heaven sent. To church the lady never went an illegitimate child the Mayor did see But slowly the French ladies turned to love this alluring woman and say Her chocolate they thought magical- her raison d’etre it must be Her tête-à-têtes were to open hearts, and bring peace and love to stay Reconciliations made in her chocolate shop - their thoughts began to sway But no chocolates were they to eat, and the reason - it was lent… But those that did dare to try - found on their tongues it did dance and play But Johnny Depp wrapped in chocolate - that would be heaven sent. Prince Depp my piece-de-resistance, is there for all to see My joie de vivre if I had been there, even though it may be lent I would have paid money just to see… Johnny Depp wrapped in chocolate - that would be heaven sent. ©
For the Un Deux Trois contest....well at least I tried ha ha


Details | ABC |

The Vent

im livin in a world, where all eyes on me.
trying to curve my own route.
but route 66 keeps finding its way to me.
ive been plenty sick, in all the events layed before me.
even when i reflect to my lowest points
i dont regret any of the choices
That I’ve deployed in my era
A lot of it by error, but hey
We live in hell conditions and there ain’t no air condition 
Or any guidelines when life throws you in the sidelines
But when hindsight twenty twenty hits
You’ll begin to understand life’s a bunch of equations and you in the mix of it
An you’ll have to think twice, before running into a situation and becoming the best of it
Situations
it’s what got me here, it’s what got us here
Ran with my thoughts blazing up to her place and
Guess what happened next
She opened up heaven’s gate
And just before late I slipped out
Simply put 
I’m a Grown ass man
Doin his thing, waitin to blow up like an old land mine
In doin what he drools over
But time after time 
Something decides to creep up and cover the light
Lost my way
Then I revoked to ever know, I ever thought that way
But in the in between time, that in the mean time 
Spent a lot of time
Gettin pissed off just to medicate and lift off
Don’t need Don Perion to sip off
Already had my way with the bottle
Even thought to get back with the trouble and rejoin the hustle
That’s just what happens to a man who really knows his old ways
Whos tired of making ends meet and ponders getting back to the streets.
Memory sets in and he remembers an O.G. saying
No matter how tall your pockets stand when you ball
Eventually times gonna make you fall
Fall
And I as I pull myself together 
I don’t wanna end up like the twin towers rubble
I mean no offence to nine eleven but at that time I probably could have used a reverend
But all that’s irrelevant now
because i live with a different perspective now

there you go you made it to the end :-) comment if you like, constructive criticism wanted as well.


Details | Ballad |

Smile Its Your Birthday

it seems like an eternity
since ive seen ur smile
the fact that uve been gone
still has me in deep denial

a lot of stuff has happened
since ur smile left this earth
gatherings, eagles losing, parties
life changes and brooklyns birth

a lot of people miss u greatly
n think about u everyday
our last picture together
on my dresser it will stay

ur deep voice, ur humor, ur kindness
is what i tend to miss the most
ur passing forever broke my heart
but our memories i hold close

i must admit, i did hit rock bottom
drugs n alcohol i used to cope
i took ur passing very hard
i started to give up hope

but i looked into brooklyns eyes
n caught a glimpse of u
u probably would have kicked my ass
sober now i stay true

mom also met a fine fella
u actually would approve
no need to kick this guys ass
hes good to her n the kids to

madison is so smart n beautiful
byron is turning into a handsome man
there both striving so well
u should be a very proud dad

two of ur friends got engaged
there so cute n its exciting news
i hope they live a life of happiness
i know u would feel the same to

ur brother misses u the most
hes coping the best he can
he misses u as much as i do
he was ur biggest fan

ur neighbors n friends
also stop by ur page
reminiscing about the good times
the laughter n good chatter ud engage

thank-god for all the music
its a good way to deal with pain in life
cause without u here with us
its like eating steak without a knife

im over trying to understand
i feel ur in a happier place
you had ur own reasons
your demons u finally faced

but in a couple days
ur birthday we will celebrate
the big thirty seven u turn
teasing u old man woulda been great

your always in our hearts
in our thoughts forever jay
so while ur up in heaven...
smile...cause its ur birthday :)

http://youtu.be/Qy1LXL0606Q


Details | Limerick |

HEAVEN

There once was a husband in heaven
His faults per hour averaged seven
In spite of all of his rot
His wife would scold not
Ah, this husband was living in heaven!

By: Dave Wood
2-14-14

Form: Limerick 
Contest: Husbands are in Heaven whose wives scold not (Top Ten Winner)
Sponsored by: Dr.Ram Mehta


Details | Haiku |

Haikus About God: V

Omniscient guy
Yet he lets bad things happen
How can he exist?


Details | Quatrain |

Dancing With The Devil

Dancing with the devil
Like I never danced before
Doing the fiery tango
On a fire flaming floor

In the crook of his arm
Our hips pressed together
Curving me round and round
Like I'm a weightless feather

Our feet move to Milonga
While forsaken souls watch
White cheek pressed to red cheek
His breath smells of age old scotch

My foot darts between his shoes
A fancy leg twist around his calf
Capturing the heat and passion
While trying not to hysterically laugh

If I can dance to perfection
Ironically I'll get to leave
Angels give me strength 
And let my soul win reprieve

For I was meant to dance
In paradise on a white cloud
Sent to hell for dancing the tango
In Heaven only waltzes are allowed


Details | Narrative |

Granny And Your last glass of water

He starts singing songs of Ireland and we are home in a jiffy
"What's a jiffy," my mother wonders
"Guess  where we went Granny?"
"I don't know but I have a feeling you are gonna tell me," answers my grandmother
"And Don't call me Granny!"
"We went to church so Poppy could ask secret questions."
"The priest gave Poppy a shot and a beer and Poppy sent me next store and he gave me money for  taffy."
"He told me not to tell anyone especially you about the priest cause it's only for the priests ears."
"He said God would take away taffy and I'd never get another goodie and God would strike me dead if I told."
"So I can't tell anyone."
"He did," and she starts yelling and grabs a weapon,"what kind of idiot would be scaring a little child?"
Granny is standing on  Poppy's toes and and asking him questions of where he'd been and getting a sniff of his breath
"So what did you tell  the priest and him giving you consolation and a shot and beer."
"That little rat ," and thinks about the money for candy
Later, Granny is chasing Poppy with that big iron frying pan and poppy running and singing
"In Heaven they have no beer, that's why we drink it here."
"You damn fool I'm gonna bust you in the head, "and throws the pan at his head
And later
Cousin Francis has bill collectors come to the house looking for him
Granny was four foot seven  inches and she starts kicking him in the shin
My Mother grabs his Dick Tracy hat and she jumps on it and flattens it
I ask my mom where I was when this happened and she pauses
" You were in Heaven Patrick waiting with your brother!"
The truancy officers bang on the door and want to know where Uncle Charles is
Granny shrugs and says, "He is upstairs and the sound of the window going up sounds
They all run upstairs and see Uncle sliding down the tree and running as fast as his
seven year legs can move
He comes home later that evening holding a goose under his arm
And Poppy has a soft-boiled goose egg for breakfast every morning
I ask Uncle what happened to that goose and He said,"one day he came home  and
they had chicken for dinner."
And Poppy was gone to heaven to get me and my brother ready Mom says
And Granny sits my brother and me on her lap and says,"you two knuckleheads listen up."
"This is very important so don't forget it."
"Treat people the way you want to be treated, because you never know who is going to hand you your last glass of water"


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