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God Funny Poems | Funny Poems About God

These God Funny poems are examples of Funny poems about God. These are the best examples of God Funny poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Free verse |

LOVE at FIRST SIGHT

Love was in the air when he laid eyes on her.
Childhood; elementary and even high school with her.
Walking towards her, he greeted her.
Anxiety spiraled as he hugged her.
Conversation grew deeper as he sat with her.
Wanting to get closer because he was falling for her.

Another woman called pausing the time he was having with her.
Knowing he had to answer; he stepped away and spoke to her.
She stated that something wasn't quite right with her.
She said that her stomach had been bothering her.
Now he's thinking back if he came inside her.
Thinking if she lied to him about her tubes being tied within her.

Does he blame himself for listening to her?
Knowing right from wrong and yet he can't blame her.
Does he blame the devil for allowing him to be intimate with her?
Is he not a human that makes mistakes just like her?
Begging God to make a way for him and her.
Asking God to forgive him for committing the sin with her.

God said, "relax my son, you were only dreaming of her."







Details | Couplet |

Dadgumitrefereeism

Football coach Bobby Bowden was never one to cuss
But refs make mistakes and coaches have a right to fuss

“St. Bowden” as he was lovingly called by players
Instilled moral values and hushed all the naysayers

He’d not take God’s name in vain, so he coined dadgumit
It became his trademark, might appear in his obit

If a ref made a bad call, he’d race onto the field
Never said God d*** it, when the ref’s call he appealed

"Dadgumitrefereeism" got his point across
The refs would shy away because Bobby was the boss

Sometimes calls were overturned since Bobby was revered
Short and stout in stature, but the refs still shook in fear

The “Saint” played with God on his side and the refs knew it
Dadgumitrefereeism didn't bother God a bit


Details | Limerick |

“O Worldly Concept god”

“O commercialized corporate franchise” 
Thou that holds illusions in selling lies
    Max out your credit cards
    Lenders be holder’s lords
Forfeiting all bank notes as owner cries

“O commercialized corporate franchise” 
My babies wonder about Christmas guys
    My babies’ futures be scared
    Must obey corporate lords
“O thou commercialized corporate lies”

Just commercialized greedy Xmas rush
Souls like zombies of  the corporate thrust 
    The X  of  the Christ
    O Love’s sacrifice
“In commercialized corporate we trust”

For Commercialized Humor contest
Sponsored by: Carolyn Devonshire


Details | Rhyme |

Only God Could Love A Bumblebee

I think that I shall never see
A lovely poem written in defense of the bumblebee!
The ponderous and not so glamorous humble bee -
Obviously dreamed up by a senatorial sub committee!

An old stump that in summer becomes its deadly lair,
It flits about chasing little kids, settling in their hair!
It brandishes its fearsome stinger- its well-known bane,
And when stabbed in the fanny causes a heap o' pain!

It bumbles about with gossamer wings so delicately thin,
And upon its loutish face, notice that fiendish grin!
Such silly poems as this are composed only by fools like me,
But 'tis for certain that only God could love a bumblebee!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved

With sincere apologies to one of my favorite poets, Joyce Kilmer,
for my parody of his beautiful poem "Trees"!


Details | Light Poetry |

The Seventh Day

God took his time to make the world and we are truly blessed, 
He worked so hard for six long days but then He took His rest. 
A whole day off from His creation so what’s a deity to do? 
He slept late then got Himself some premium coffee to brew. 
Then He made himself some cinnamon buns and ate them on the deck, 
He wondered how things were back on Earth but resisted the urge to check. 
They’ll be fine for just one day. How much trouble could they find? 
I left them alone in a paradise and now it’s My turn to unwind. 
Then He remembered the serpent and the tree of wrong and right, 
And He began to worry that they’d never make it to the morning light. 
So He put on a robe and grabbed His keys and headed for the door, 
Then He stopped himself before He left and He paced across the floor. 
If He couldn’t trust them for even one day then what good would they be? 
So He decided to make a mutton sandwich and go and watch TV. 
But He couldn’t concentrate on the game and He was running out of chips, 
And taking a little walk in the garden would be much better for His hips. 
He went to check up on the kids in Eden and what do you suppose?
Sure enough He found the two of them running around in clothes.
They pointed fingers at each other and at the snake and at the tree,
And all the while He thought to Himself, they really do need Me.
That’s why God keeps Himself available no matter what the time or day,
So when we are in need of his strength we only have to pray.
Who knows? Maybe someday we’ll realize what there is at stake,
We’ll be able to take care of ourselves and then God can take a break.
But not yet.


Details | Rhyme |

Snake's Legs

When snakes had legs and love was free,
A man called Adam climbed a tree.
Although he knew the act was banned,
He plucked an apple with his hand.

In Eden you could always find,
Delicious fruits of every kind.
And everyone of them were free,
Except the apples on this tree.

A snake you see, the curse of man,
Had swayed the mind of his woman.
His partner Eve had tried it all,
Except this luscious juicy ball.

But God had made it very clear,
He was the one you had to fear.
There is one thing you should not do,
”This tree is mine, and not for you!”

When battle rages in man’s mind,
To do what’s right for all mankind.
A woman’s will, will then prevail,
No matter if it makes him fail.

So Adam plundered to his fate,
His woman said she could not wait.
He plucked the fruit to his demise,
No matter that it was unwise.

Now God’s authority was broke,
They’d disobeyed the words he spoke.
He told them both to go away,
And closed his garden from that day.

So Eve and Adam, duly clothed,
Now left that place they’d been betrothed.
And found a world so large and free,
Where they could climb just any tree.

The snake of course had lost it’s legs,
Because he put God’s power to test.
By tempting woman in this way,
He’d had an awful price to pay.

But God it was, who came off worse,
His power was gone, and even worse.
A ‘woman’ had defeated him,
By making man commit this sin.

So women now will rule the land,
Not God, or men you understand?
For women conquer all they see.
While God enjoys ‘snakes legs’ for tea!


Details | Free verse |

Dear God Good Night


                           Dear God, please give me a little brother
                                    I want to be a big brother
                              Dear God, tell my father and mother
                        I`m going to be a kind and good big brother
                                Dear God, give me a little brother
                              He can get my three-wheeled bicycle
                                        I`ll teach him to ride
                                   Dear God, you must not forget 
                                      then I will need a new bike
                          Dear God, it must be blue with yellow stripes
                               Dear God, please think about this now
                              My best friend got a new bike yesterday
                       Dear God, this prayer comes from John, five years
                               living in the white house on the corner
                                     Amen and good night Dear God

                                                      ***





30.03.2012
A-L Andresen


Details | Blank verse |

Bats

mostly
happy
ever after
hanging 
upside down from a rafter

giving my cherished name
to short splintered sticks
that hits long balls
out of sight
both day and night and

did I mention the difficulty that I have 
in going while hanging upside down
God made it so that 
I must move to move
and stand upright


Details | Prose |

Golfer Talking Trash

I’m cool, warmed up, loose. I’m gonna crack this ball straight down the fairway 
all the way to the white post, clean and straight. Yeah.

I’m the king of the worm burners, oh, no, I’m the baddest Tiger of these
here woods. Ha ha, not bad, I launched that there rocket clean
into that oak, missed my forehead, missed my partner, never you mind. 
I’m out on the fairway now.  
                                           I’m cool, warmed up, loose. Got my eye on the ball.
King of Zen. Just swing and … yeah. Okay.

I’m King of the beach blanket beee-ing go. Okayyy. No problem. Golf is about practice 
and practice make perfect. Okay, closed my eyes there. 
Splash? Splash it is.

Okay, I’m Chipping King, just smack that ball into that little ole hole. 
God’s be with me. Whew.
 
I’m the man. Ain’t I the man? Blow me a-way!
It’s all won on the greens guys. Ain’t I the King? Didn’t I just chip right in? Ever see
anything like that before? MMMhmm. You on for five on the next hole?


Details | Rhyme |

GOD’S MOON PIE

If God would take the moon

And make it into a great pie,

The sweet aroma of spice

And green apple would fill the sky.

He’d begin with the careful peeling,

Making the globe shining apple-white.

Then He’d find fixins’ to get it just right.

He would count the servings needed

For the whole world to be satisfied,

And choose just the right flavoring

To set all differences of taste aside,

But with all due respect to the bakers’ pride.

To provide for all the world’s problems,

God gives his secret spiritual answers.

So to the seasoning of the apples,

He adds His nine flavor enhancers.

With perfection, God takes no chances.

There is a pinch of peace, joy, and love,

For that aroma that rises above.

Then there is the patience, gentleness and grace,

So that humankind need not eat in haste.

He wants all to sense the goodness in the taste.

Next faith, modesty and moderation He adds,

And then more love he sprinkles in scads.

Here below our appetites we whet,

Our stomach’s pits to be satisfied.

Thankful for every morsel we get,

Until convinced our Lord is glorified.

Soon one could hardly see a crumb.

But we have no need at all to fear,

For at the end of daylight’s trusty gleam,

The moon again is a shining sphere.


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