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Girlfriend Funny Poems | Funny Poems About Girlfriend

These Girlfriend Funny poems are examples of Funny poems about Girlfriend. These are the best examples of Girlfriend Funny poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Ode |

Quips My EX GIRLFRIEND revisited


     1.   My ex-girlfriend tried to impress me when
          She told me that she is "Fasting"!  And I knew
          That she was true because, I saw just how
          Fast she ate that basket of chicken.......

      2.  The next time that she told me that she was "Fasting"
           It was three (03) double meat Whoppers!  And I have never
           Seen three (03) double meat Whoppers go so quicK......

       3. My ex-girlfriend was so upset!  She explained that when
           She was young that she could bounce a dime
           Off of her butt.  Only now, when she bounce the same dime
           It only flops!
         
  So, I looked on the bright side and told her that now she can
           Bounce a quarter on her belly button and it only drops!

         4. The last time that I saw her, she was "Fasting" on a
             box of cookies.
          
          * And boy, those (03) box's of cookies sure went fast!



Explanation: That is none sence and no one got fat in the making of this pun!
           
 
    4. I just hate it when my ex-girlfriend call's me!  Usually I keep my
       cell phone on vibrate and in my front pocket. My EX-friend
        Know's this.  She also, know's that I have a bladder problem!  Every time
        she blow's up my phone it make's me pee!
        I know that I hate it, but she give's me such a warm feeling and I take
        what I can get!
                                    

     5. My ex-girlfriend is so stupid that she can't ever give me a piece of
         her mind!  She has to get an substitute..... Ha! Ha! Ha!   He, He, He!

      6.My ex-girlfriend, She alway's cut me short!........  She wanted to give 
         me a piece of her mind, buy, she didn't have enough brain cell's left! Ha! Ha!
         Feel the Joke! Uh!

EMBARRASSING QUESTIONS?

       1.  When you "Pass Gas" and you know you did........
            And no-body heard it........ Is it proper to wait for someone
            to smell it first, before you say, excuse me..........
            Is it really too late....... That is what my girlfriend doe's!

       * I would just blame it on a friend!


Moments To Share:

       My ex-girl friend and I were discussing a poem that I wrote! She told
       me that it was an perfect oxymoron.......

       I told her that she was just a moron!


Words' To Live by:
       I was trying to explaine my mis-giving's to my EX-girlfriend......
       I told her that the problem was, not that I really love you, because
       I don't!  The problem is that I just can't get you out of my mind!


Details | Rhyme |

I've Already Met You

The first date's the hardest. I never know what it is I should do.
I take you to dinner. You don't eat, you just play with your food,
and then it suddenly hits me.
This has already happened
and I can't believe
that it's happening again,
but I've already met you
and I don't mean to upset you,
but you're like my last girlfriend
and the girlfriend I had before her.

We go back to my apartment where I proceed to go south on you.
You tell me you're bored cause I can't find that damn guy in the canoe,
and then it suddenly hits me.
This has already happened
and I can't believe
that it's happening again,
but I've already met you
and I don't mean to upset you,
but you're like my last girlfriend
and the girlfriend I had before her.

You say I'm the one, the one you cand spend the rest of your life.
"When will we marry?" you ask, "When will you make me your wife?"
and then it suddenly hits me.
This has already happened
and I can't believe
that it's happening again,
but I've already met you
and I don't mean to upset you,
but you're like my last girlfriend
and the girlfriend I had before her,
and the girlfriend I had before her,
and the girlfriend I had before her.

Inspired by:
Well, some friggin song I recently heard but can't get outta my head.


Details | Free verse |

Princesses

Pretty princesses
Dancing all around
Frolicking through fields
Very beautiful
Just like you!


Details | Limerick |

Monkey See

Monkey See~

There once was a monkey named Frank
Who loved to walk the plank
He said too many jokes
Pulled too many hoaxe-s 
Ha! Ha! Ha! Then he got a good spank

*

Who's that monkey in front of me
I dare to hang with you on a tree
Oh! What I do? Will you do?
Together we are like glue
Is that my flea or your flea?

~ Skat ~

Contest~


Details | Sonnet |

Karate Chicken

The girls in vain tried his sad soul to sweeten;
(why art thou laughing at his blackened eye?)
Malign and radioactive chicken,
you never loved or watered his bonsai!

Thou spaced-out sill maiden of delusion,
and frivolous, counterfeit struthio,
thy cackling leave gave tongue to contusion,
eloped with Foghorn Leghorn unto Rio.

Beloved of his aphotic thought's wit,
deserted cot due to thine abandon,
dawns sullen, chickenless, dolour permit,
- old taken snaps of you with his Canon.

Incomprehensible, soulless chicken
His saddened eye is karate stricken.

© 03-23-2013, G. V., All Rights Reserved


Details | Carpe Diem |

Pricked

Your  love pricks me like a rose each thorn grows but no one knows Your so full of 
it as it shows so carry on now go on, go. I'm fed up with the phony and  i'm 
through with the tears, you couldn't pay me all your money to make up for those 
years. Someone help me I feel faint how could I think he was such a saint and 
worst of all I let me fall into a spiral down below. A magic called love carried 
by the dove of someone I use to know.


Details | Free verse |

Ahhhh -

The only thing
that beats a good sh-t
is a good orgasm….
Once I had the good fortune
to experience both phenomenon
simultaneously...

My lover was NOT amused
and promptly proceded
to beat the sh-t out of me
(What little was left)
then told me to beat it
to which I happily obliged…


Details | ABC |

Skin

You send bolts through my skin 
something I was never to 
accomplish with you, when I 
saw you it's like my heart sank 
to my stomach and I was in 
shock my body still my body 
heavy felt like when I moved I 
was about to fall to my knees 
you make me want to get 
inside my brain pick you up and 
take you out pick you one by 
one like a flower because I do 
love you and love you not.


Details | Light Poetry |

Clumsy girl

Coming down the stairs
She trips and falls
She got an ear infection
She can’t take telephone calls

She steps over her dog
And hurt her knees
She sits in her garden
Got stuck by some bees

Sometimes she smile and says
She’s like a walking hospital
But still holds my life in her hands
And keep it safe through it all

Reaching to turn off there lamp
She tumbles off the bed
Looks in the mirror
Got a bump on her head

She makes a cup of coffee
Burn her lips it’s to hot
She peels an orange
Her fingers got a little cut

She’s like a walking disaster
She says I’m clumsy girl
But to me she’s the most
Perfect person in the world

Goes out side for the mails
She slips on the snow
She fell hard on the pavement
 She bruises and hurt my elbow

 She can’t go back in the house
By mistake she locks the door
Climb through the windows
Stepped on a nail on the floor

She burn the pot roast
The kitchen oven was smoking
Leave the water running
And the whole basement soaking

She goes to the restaurant
It just another disaster
She bounces into the waiter
He spills food on a costumer

She says she is so clumsy
And she sits quiet just gazing
So I just look in her eyes
And says hey babe you’re amazing

I feel so secure in her arms
 When she hugs me
In My clumsy girl arms
Is the safest place I want to be?


Details | Rhyme |

Nine

He had asked me out on a date today
"Restaurant I know,but not the time",I sigh.
So standing in the corridor, signaled him in class
He threw me a paper and we waved bye.
There was number six written on it ,I rush 
To get ready quick and look beautiful to surprise.
I get there, wait until patience crossed the line,
Then angrily call him up when he doesn't show up.. 
Just to hear him say,"Baby,I meant nine!"


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