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Funny Girl Poems | Funny Poems About Girl

These Funny Girl poems are examples of Funny poems about Girl. These are the best examples of Funny Girl poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | I do not know? | |

Nasty girl

   There you go again doing things that you are not suppose to be in and then you look at 
me like oh i'm so sweet if you only knew I can be a freak without showing it. Here they 
go listening to the rumors but i'm your friend so in the end I know that they are true. 
How could you do that with him and her and they were on the ground you were pretending to 
pick up gum? You need to be safe, making out with strangers girl I aint no saint but god 
what are you doing? I don't want to see you years from now telling me you got aids, I 
worry about you and I feel like your special so I even wrote about you come on look how 
much you mean to me. You like him I get it but how many other guys have you liked in the 
past. He's your only, he's a phony make sure he's not just in it for the prize because 
girl you never know some guys are. It's the truth and you need to listen, I don't mean to 
sound bossy but soon enough your name is going to be posted on all the bathrooms walls. 
Telling things that you haven't even done yet. But you will front about it, Lie again. 
Telling everyone it's happened how do we know what's real or fake. I love your 
personality I wish I could steal it, Your loud, and flirty, daring and smart girl you got 
too much heart to be showing it to everyone who wants a sip. this is for all the nasty 
girls out there who think I don't know what i'm saying just ask anyone of them who are 
dead now or are on the streets prostitiuting. Don't be afraid to be a freak it's healthy 
but sometimes it's better when it's secret closet freaks have more fun.

Details | Lyric | |

You Won't Tell Them How You Lied

Tonight it feels like, the end of the world
Tonight you showed me, you were never my girl
I wonder do you know, what my heart is doing
Well girl it's breaking in two, since you've gone

Go ahead tell those lies, to all your friends
Go ahead tell them, what a big fool i've been
I wonder will you tell them, you have a heart of stone
Or will you call them, and joke about me on the phone

Well be sure to tell them, how you broke my heart
And how funny it was, when I set down and cried
Tell them how, you tore my world apart
'Cause I know, you won't tell them how you lied

You're gonna have to be careful, when you're drinking
You're gonna have to be sober, when you're bragging
You'll have to learn to shut your mouth, when your wasted
Or everyone will no your a liar, and how your mind is twisted

Well be sure you tell them, how you broke my heart
And how funny it was, when I set down and cried
And tell them how, you tore my world apart
'Cause girl I know, you won't tell them how you lied

Details | Imagism | |

My Secret Love Affair

Even though our time is just
A moment here and there
To me you’ll never be 
The average everyday affair

I know I’m just a picture 
In the memory of your mind
The girl you keep a secret
The girl you leave behind

There was a time I’d lay awake 
And dream of you and I
There was a time I wanted more
There was a time I’d cry

For love is never easy
When it’s given just by one
Love is never easy 
When for him it’s just for fun

Love is never easy 
When you think that it’s for real
But when the spell is broken
It's not love, but lust you feel

Your dreams diminish one by one
Illusions fade away
And in their place reality
Has come to have its say

So now I know the secret 
To a passionate affair
To just enjoy the moment
To live without a care

To take each moment as it comes 
With eyes now open wide
But always with your secret love
You just enjoy the ride...

Details | Free verse | |


Pretty princesses
Dancing all around
Frolicking through fields
Very beautiful
Just like you!

Details | Light Poetry | |

The Fashion of Passion

I saw a girl whose legs were spangled,
They were so long that they easily tangled.
And when she wore her high heeled shoes,
She was a package no man could refuse.
Because when she walked she started to sway,
And set things in motion just the right way.
Lines of young men will stare as she passes,
Hoping for a smile or a bat of her lashes.
But the beautiful girl can’t stop to flirt,
Because her shoes make her feet hurt.
And all she wants is to walk in bare feet,
So when each day ended she’d always retreat.
Off came her shoes when she entered the door.
Because of the pain that she couldn’t ignore.
She’d rub her feet with a smile on her face,
Remembering how well she’d run the day’s race.
The look in their eyes gave her great satisfaction,
She’d received the rewards of each man’s reaction.
Alone in her room she’d sit with her prize,
Her two feet swollen to the next larger size.
I’m not sure which ones are more confused,
The girl herself or the men that she’d used,
To me it seems that she’s playing a game,
And when she wins it she’s alone and lame.
I don’t really get just why she’d play,
What dividends can it possibly pay?
I guess it depends on defining your passion,
And I’ve never been one to understand fashion.

For the Genius or Criminal? contest

Details | Couplet | |


There sits my bonnie girl, frilly, lacy, all pink and pretty She boasts of an enviable collection of cute stuff - all Hello Kitty! A pearly, stone-studded shiny pink Kitty bracelet With matching rings and hair clips to tame her silky ringlets, A stylish pair of pink comfy kitty flip-flops To go with her smooth stretchy night wear tops! A sassy little Hello Kitty cross-sling bag she wears Pairing up with chic pink-framed kitty glares, Kitty pencils, erasers and rulers in a well-stocked tuck box Her fancy kitty pouches and folders she invariably locks! A multi-compartment kitty wallet to hoard her loose change All geared for summer with her Hello kitty swimming range, A glittery Kitty lunch box to pack her school snack As she sets off with her pink kitty back pack, Water tastes better in a kitty sippy water-bottle Pink all the way, for nothing else she'll settle! She'd paint the world kitty pink, if the choice is hers Well, I wouldn't be surprised if one fine day she purrs!! 19th Jan 2013

Details | Limerick | |

Birds -N- Bees

Your raging hormones you must ignore
For desires will shake you to your core
Listen to your heart 
Before you embark
Make love with someone you truly adore.

Sciences class teaches us what we should know
About body parts and where they should go
Willie goes in Muff
Quicken breaths we huff
All consumed till body fluids flow.

But alas the girl did not have none
Boy finished before girl was done
He is satisfied
She is horrified
Damn the hype about two joining as one.

Details | Limerick | |

Now What Do You Want On Your Pizza

I ordered a large pizza pie
What do you want on it asked guy
His question a pearl
Set my mind awhirl
A sexy young girl answered I

Details | Limerick | |

Ego Elevator

Stop by for a six-pack of beer
‘Hello!’ Smiles the pretty cashier
‘May I see your ID?
(Are you KIDDING me?
You just made my day AND my year!)

‘Store policy’ She says with a blush
(Is she FLIRTING? Does she have a crush?)
Intuition grows crisper
When I hear a soft whisper
‘Anyway, are you in a big rush?’

Details | Limerick | |

Day One To Three

Day one of my regular period,
He always think I’m not in good mood;
         Seeing me, he runs away
         Do you think I like that way?
My heart isn’t hard as piece of wood.

He’s still single  and he lives alone,
He doesn’t know woman’s situation;
         Wearing napkins in three days
          So uneasy on my ways,
Yet, he’s seeking special attention.

Day two comes, he’s still so hesitant,
He wants me to shout at a distant;
         Is he gentle man or gay?
         He believes what other’s say
On monthly days, I’m not impatient!

Third day is said to be our last day,
Here he comes saying, “Babe, I’m sorry”
        Can I make love with you now?
        I believe you, I swear- bow.
Babe, it’s my third day, please go away.

July 4, 2013

Some people believe  that some women aren’t in good mood during their monthly period. But, for me, I don’t know;))))) . What I know is, I just love sleeping during these days. I’m always so so sleepy;))))))). 

 This was especially inspired by the Day One Poem writing contest of  my dearest poet sis Linda. The poem was closed when I was about to enter. Anyway,  I’m still sharing it with you  trying my best again to make you smile. I hope you’ll like it & I hope I did this limerick right. It’s my second attempt to write this form. Thank you so much & have a nice weekend!

Details | Light Poetry | |

Dear Miss Monkey Manners VIII

You can't tell me that you didn't see this coming.

Dear Miss Monkey Manners, can you spare a minute? 
I know that you help apes in trouble and I am knee deep in it. 
I have a girl I’ll call Mary Beth, she’s the banana of my eye, 
But I found out that she’s been seen swinging with another guy. 
I could accept it if it were another ape but this guy is a human man, 
I’ve asked around and in the jungle he calls himself Tarzan. 
I’ve been working my way up in hopes of one day leading the troupe, 
Until now I’m finally the most respected challenger in the group. 
I think that I might be alpha worthy, I hope so, but here’s the thing 
Everyone in the whole dang jungle now refers to him as king. 

Dear Alpha male wannabe, are you saying that you know Tarzan? 
If you know where he’ll be on Saturday night, I think I have a plan. 
I know that you want her back and I’m sure that your girl is sweet, 
But only I can do the things that will make his life complete. 
You see he and I have dated before and I know what makes him fall, 
I can do something special for him that’s how he got his jungle call. 
Once we’re back together he won’t remember your girl’s name, 
Then you can be her hero and free her from this shame. 
And as for me and Tarzan, well you’d better stick a banana in your ear, 
Because the screaming sounds of the king are the only sounds you’ll hear.

Details | Narrative | |

Red In The Inside, But Black In The Outside

This Poem is about the 'hard to get' attitude ladies portray to interested guys.

Despite my unbelievable swag repugnance is her reaction to my flow despite giving no attention to her she seeks every opportunity to shout "NO!" I seldom want to be friendly but she spits on me like a bitter foe I then don't give a damn about her and she takes it like a heavy blow Out of nothing, she creates a scene but all I can do is shake my head and say Oh! the more I mingle, the worse she gets but I'll not succumb and act so low she flaunts her male acquaintances for me to notice Okay! You have admirers, so? I guessed this is a one time attitude but it has been occurring seven weeks in a row When I register my presence around her her body rhythm increases as if in physio trying so hard to pretend makes her seem like a shy dancing Buffalo Then, I make her seem not existing it's not my fault; you reap what you sow signs of her sufferings begin to show as her body trembles in sight of me from head to toe what a pleasant feeling this brings seeing her drown in her own woe Finally! She concedes defeat and already surrendering showing by the way she's changing like melting snow now playing the nice girl, but my ignore? Makes her want to stone me with a Hoe I'm beginning to compromise emotionally too and I'm scared she will get fed up and go so, I create my chance and kiss her as she shows her joy like a swelling dough revealing her hypocrisy, exhibited right from the beginning. Since this feeling is now reciprocated, she shrugs off the attitude and dumps it below as a new damsel now emitting with an everlasting glow.

Details | Light Poetry | |

One Night in Stroud

I stumbled drunkenly through Stroud
Passed the kebab van on the hill,
When all at once I saw a crowd
Of ladettes – taunting the old bill;
Just for a lark, just for a wheeze,
Flirting and dancing, dressed to tease.

Bedecked with bling, drinking cheap wine,
A clowder of cats out to play,
Perfume and bags by Calvin Klein
All you can eat slapper buffet.
Looking for violence not romance,
Tossing the V’s in fighting stance.

The plods approached askance, as they
Ignored them and crouched down to pee;
The deluge nearly washed away,
The council’s prized floral display! 
I gazed – amazed - at just how short;
Their skirts were and indeed how taut.

Often now – I sit down and cry
(Sometimes it puts me off my food) 
When I recall what I did spy
The female form so crass and rude;
Those harpies in search of cheap thrills,
Stooped - pissing on the daffodils.

(apologies to Mr Wordsworth)

Details | Free verse | |


take control
be tough

strap on those six-guns
silver spurs
and leather
cowboy chaps

throw on the saddle
and ten-gallon cowboy hat
mount him slowly
and keep it steady
there now

speed it up
pull back hard
and ride him rough
be tough


Details | Limerick | |

A Girl from france


Details | Carpe Diem | |


Your  love pricks me like a rose each thorn grows but no one knows Your so full of 
it as it shows so carry on now go on, go. I'm fed up with the phony and  i'm 
through with the tears, you couldn't pay me all your money to make up for those 
years. Someone help me I feel faint how could I think he was such a saint and 
worst of all I let me fall into a spiral down below. A magic called love carried 
by the dove of someone I use to know.

Details | Free verse | |


Love me tonight girl we won't meet again ,
Don't fight the feeling cause love ain't a sin,
Let your body decide what it does,
It's okay baby, ha ha ha ha,
Let your body decide what it does ,
It's okay baby cause everybody ****s,
I know it's straight to the point,
But I'd rather be straight up and straight forward,
Instead of playing with your heart and your mind,
Games are waste of time, now we can do the nasty,
And do what the do and see what the does,
Either we gonna love what we do to each other,
Or just let it be what it was,
No harm, no foul, no commitment, no vows,
Maybe a contract or two,
But by that time I'm already tired of the way you like it, oh,
And let your body decide, exactly what it does,
But it's no secret baby, everybody fücks,
I know you don't do these type of things on the first night,
We both know it's wrong but fück it cause it feels right,
I know you don't do these type of things on the first night,
We both know it's wrong but fück it cause it feels right,
Love me tonight girl we won't meet again,
Don't fight the feeling cause love ain't a sin,
Let your body decide what it does, it's okay baby,
Let your body decide what it does,
It's okay baby cause everybody fücks,
Now I can hear your body calling me,
Tell me what it is, what's gon be,
Only got one night cause I'm...,
Lil mama is a bad one, ain't she? 
Maybe she might be a little timid,
Love when I get it,
Or I might even give a text when I'm finish,
Been doing all this talking, let's get it,
And you can tell me what you wanna do,
I guarantee you can do that,
Or you can teach me like a thing or two,
But I bet you I already knew that,
So one night one time baby girl,
Let's take this chance,
We ain't trying to be love strung,
But I know that Everybody ****s,
I know you don't do these type of things on the first night,
We both know it's wrong but fück it cause it feels right,
I know you don't do these type of things on the first night,
We both know it's wrong but fück it cause it feels right,
Love me tonight girl we won't meet again,
Don't fight the feeling cause love ain't a sin,
Let your body decide what it does, it's okay baby,
Let your body decide what it does,
It's okay baby cause everybody ****s,
Let your body go, let your feeling show,
Say what's on your mind, I already know,
I can read your eyes, see your body sign,
(Every sign you give baby) with a little bump and grind,
Nothing wrong, with a little bump and grind,
Baby there ain't nothing wrong, with a little bump and grind,
There ain't nothing wrong, with a little bump and grind,
Baby there ain't nothing wrong, with a little bump and grind,
Love me tonight girl we won't meet again,
Don't fight the feeling cause love ain't a sin,
Let your body decide what it does, it's okay baby,
Let your body decide what it does,
It's okay baby cause everybody ****s,
Believe that believe that baby,
Everybody ****s…

Details | Ballade | |

Lisa Maree

Dedicated to my darling daughter. Lisa Maree, the kindest girl in the world

Lisa Maree

Lisa Maree, you baffle me
You just don’t seem to care
You throw your money all around
And people who won’t share
Will try to take you for a ride
And you can’t always see
What some folk try to do to you
You’ve too much trust in thee.

Lisa Maree, it’s plain to see
That you’re a special girl
Though sometimes you go off on one
And mind goes in a whirl
Your heart is gold, pure solid gold
You’re as soft as heated honey
You have a sense of humor too
You even think 'you’re' funny.

Some might find you hard to take
These fickle kinds of folk
Will run you down for being you
And treat you like a joke
But fickle folk don’t mean a thing
You’re far above the rest
When you are helping someone out
That’s when you’re at your best.

23 August 2013 @ 1817hrs

Details | Limerick | |

A Pricey Valentine

My valentine ever to be.
The girl of my dreams came to me.
   She wanted to play
   so I had to pay.
Satisfaction is guaranteed
My valentine's price was too much.
Her business kept all men in touch.
   Appointments were made
   Men met in the shade.
A call girl I found out as such!  

My valentine's not what she said.
I found out her heart was not red.
   She took all I had.
   But man she was bad.
Was worth it I took her to bed!! 

Written for Francine Roberts Valentine's Day Limerick

Details | Free verse | |

In love for the first time and counting

It's all Ok
the birds are chirping
the sky is blue
the trees are green 
and so are you
i fell in love
for the first time
my girl is pretty
my girl is smart
she never burps
she never farts
she is an angel
and she is fun
nothing is missing
and it's all fine
today i'm trying to be nice
see the gay couple down the street
kissing each-other like little birds
the neighbor is common thief
must have a strong reason for it
my boss can keep more
from my paycheck
and go away and take a break
i'll work for you my entire life
and don't pay me the  overtime 
today Snooki looks just like J Lo
and the mule next door
like Barry White
God this is just a perfect day
i'm all pumped-up
and that's OK...

Details | Light Poetry | |

A Good Night's Sleep

When King David was old they covered him in clothes, but he got no heat,
So they sought for him a pretty girl who was innocent and sweet.

Let her stand before you lord and in your bosom nestle,
We think that it might warm you up if you should start to wrestle.

So they tacked up signs all through the land and put an ad in the paper,
“Wanted one beautiful girl to sleep with the king;” it really was a caper.

One day Abishag the Shunammite came to interview for the position,
They could see that she was qualified there was no need for an inquisition.

For Abishag was a beauty rare with charms displayed in generous proportions,
And was so flexible that she could warm a king with several notable contortions.

There was a time in King David’s life when this would run into trouble deep,
But he was now way too old and he just wanted to get some sleep.

What if this would have remained the accepted way to beat the winter chills,
I can tell you one thing for sure; no one would have invented sleeping pills.

And even though it’s in the Bible it won’t ever be a part of my life,
I don’t think that I’d be able to talk fast enough to ever convince my wife.

The First Book of Kings - Chapter 1
1:1Now king David was old and stricken in years; and they covered him with clothes, but he got no heat. 1:2Therefore his servants said to him, Let there be sought for my lord the king a young virgin: and let her stand before the king, and cherish him; and let her lie in your bosom, that my lord the king may keep warm. 1:3So they sought for a beautiful young lady throughout all the borders of Israel, and found Abishag the Shunammite, and brought her to the king. 1:4The young lady was very beautiful; and she cherished the king, and ministered to him; but the king didn't know her intimately. 

Details | Free verse | |

awaiting Cinderella

around and around
up and down
the merry-go-round 
goes round 

again and again 
and again
as the sounds of music play
fond of youth and the gay
and the bells 
in the  one horse open slay

flashes of color and detail flash quickly by
elegant wooden carved animals

with shiny painted tails
prancing horses with nostrils flaring
regal lion with full curly mane staring
and a golden chariot awaiting fair

Details | Limerick | |

another girl from france


Details | Imagism | |

dont tell

don’t ask! don’t tell!
Daddies in the well.
Its ok you wont go to hell,
don’t ask ,don’t tell !
Never kiss and tell,
don’t tell lies ,go into your shell,
I asked ,I told ,
Now am in a hole.
Living like a hermit,
Washing off the scabs of shame,
Believing I’ am to blame.
don’t ask! don’t tell I’ am drowning in the well.
Sinking into the depths of hell,
Floating all alone.

Details | Rhyme | |


Miss says hello, 
her favourite colour is yellow , 
Miss wears a hat , 
looking like a cat .

Miss goes pink , 
wearing high heals , 
Miss wears pink , 
its time for her meal . 

Miss love shopping , 
and just hates mopping , 
Miss loves red , 
and her heals are made of lead ..... :-)

-Saanvi Dua 

Details | Couplet | |

Fur Ball

<               my little girl came to me and asked for a pet
                 to me my heart just hasn't been quite set

                 but who could resist those baby brown eyes
                 and all those little wimpers and desirable sighs

                 so off we went in our broken down wagon
                 where the rear end you could tell was sagging

                 to petland is where we went
                 pocketbook really took a dent

                 odie and garfield was their chosen names
                 two bunny hampsters very different but the same

                 oh my little girl was not yet done
                 said mama we need hampster ball so they can have alot of fun

                  and don't forget their bedding liners
                  so their living will be much finer

                  but first you must buy them their cage
                  oh my little girl is quite smart for her age

                  she knows they like fruit and snacks
                  so she doubled order with ten sacks

                   ring ring ring ding ding ding
                   did it's cash register ever so did sing

                   eighty five fifty
                   well ain't that nifty

                   handed lady one hundred
                   mumbling under breath was said

                   left store in a hurry
                   with our clothes looking so dam fury

Written By Katherine Stella  7/3/11

Entry For Francine Robert's
Pick A Pet Contest
G.L. All

Details | Light Poetry | |

The Fools Tale

There once was a man who had found true love yet squandered it away, 
And for this one transgression is tormented to this day. 

He found the girl to call his own and bade her to be his wife, 
But to the chapel he came too late and the poor girl had taken her life. 

The day that they were pledged to marry he’d started for the church, 
But highway men had stalled his progress thus leaving her in the lurch. 

And with her dying breath she uttered the words to a horrible curse, 
Now wandering has become his penance with no way ever to reverse. 

The only name by which he’s called brings laughter from the cruel, 
For he is the one who is known to all by name of the wandering fool.

Details | Rhyme | |

I Shouldn't Have Watched Girls Gone Wild

I used to watch those Girls Gone Wild videos but I stopped.
The last one that I saw was so shocking that my jaw dropped.
At first everything was fine but then I suddenly screamed "No, not her!"
The reason why I suddenly screamed was because I saw my daughter.
Seeing her on that video nearly gave me a heart attack, I was in a bad shape.
I called the Girls Gone Wild phone number and I ordered all of those tapes.
I burned every one of those tapes after I doused them with gas.
Then I told my daughter that if she ever removes her top again, I'll kick her ass.
I made a firm decision right there and then.
I swore never to watch Girls Gone Wild again.

(This is a fictional poem)

Details | Lyric | |

I Am Single

Hello I am Single
So my introduction will only take a minute
Well lets open some champagne while we are at it
Feel free to smile I am Single.

I am one with myself
I am opening all shelves
All protecting shells have been broken
No harsh word hasn't been spoken.

Like birds during summer feel free
Commitment is out of my vocab
I won't charge you I"m free
While you at it... here is a herb.

I am Single
I am one with myself
Oh and my herb.
Oh no! I need help.

Details | Light Poetry | |

Moon Shot

The mid seventies was a great time for a guy to be in high school,
The girls wore dresses so short that they would make me start to drool,

My girl wore skirts that were so micro mini that my concentration suffered,
When I saw her walking down the hall all other thoughts were buffered.

One day as we left the parking lot she was talking about her history class,
She wanted to show me something and just couldn’t let the moment pass.

My car was big and my girl was short and to reach the rear was quite a feat,
She had to lean over to retrieve her notes from behind the driver’s seat.

And when she did the position that she took I can report without exaggeration,
Was a highlight of my young life and left little to my imagination.

Today there is a lot of talk about cell phones being dangerous distractions,
But nothing like that would ever compare to my girl’s lunarous attractions.

As I watched the parked car that I’d hit, roll across three lawns and into a tree,
I noticed my girl sitting on the floor with her legs in the air, looking up at me.

A policeman came to investigate but there was nothing to refute,
So he cited me for having a girlfriend that was calamitously too cute.

I waited with that cop while my wrinkled car was being towed,
The only thing that he said to me was, “Next time, eyes on the road.”

I am who I am and there is very little ground left for me to defend,
Because I knew that if I did it once, I’d most likely do it again.

Details | Narrative | |

A Sister's wish

"It has to be a girl," she had firmly announced,
My sweet little daughter, always craved for a sister!
So the news of a would-be sibling, did make her glad.
She had jumped and bounced.

"A girl would be perfect, boys are messy,
"I'd play my dolls with her and read princess stories",
Said my daughter, who was all girlie-girlie
She kept things in order, was neat and tidy, even a bit fussy!

She'd shopped for pink blankets, rompers, spoons and forks!
Smart girl that she is, she very well knew
"Babies don't come from hospitals nor gifted from temples
Neither are they dropped by visiting storks!"

She would be there for pregnant momma, a helping hand to lend.
She'd pat the sick mother and soothe her with a touch
Fetch her a glass of water
would not allow her to bend!

"My sis would look like me", so said Sara
Ecstatic she was about the brand new arrival
she promised even her stuff to share!
Found a rhyming name, "I'll call her Aura."

One fine day, mommy gave birth to a son
Hale and hearty, Sweet and chubby.
The family rejoiced but the sister said,
"Its not going to be fun."

"Give him back to the doctor, We won't keep this boy",
She said over the phone and with a frown on her face
She came visiting. Took the baby in her lap,
Saw his Angelic face and was filled with joy.

"He is cuter than any baby in the world can be", said she
Stroking her brother
"His skin is so soft and his fingers so tiny,
Well, we'll take him home, he looks just like me!"

Details | ABC | |

The A to Z of Girls I've Met II

I had gotten to that stage,
Where true love was but a mirage.
When one is hurt too many times
By these daughters of Eve,
The heart must surely cease to give
Until such a time as right
To smile again and see the light.
Miranda, fairest of them all
Adored our trips to the mall.
I could tell from her charming eyes
That her love would be my demise,
So I fled with what coins I had left,
For her love was akin to theft.
That was when I met my Nora.
By all that’s sweet, she had an aura!
Pretty young thing, genteel with her voice,
Of many boys she was the choice.
Flawless, petite, her looks were fine.
I swore by love to make her mine.
Lovely were those nights we shared.
But like I’m sure you must have heard,
The flawless ones are just as marred within.
She had a love affair with gin.
Then came the age of Olivia,
The sight of whom did make me shiver.
Kind with words, light on her feet,
The kind of girl you’d love to meet.
Many were those that saw the sight
Of our love, both day and night.
Looks of envy, of jealousy
I mistook them all to be,
For they were looks of pity,
 As it turned out my Olivia
Was liberal with her Banana.
Pauline rescued me from distress,
Mended me like a seamstress.
I gave my heart, to her my all,
I felt so bad she fled with Paul.
 Was at the base, looking up,
When I saw a damsel stop.
Lovely, round, Quinta was her name.
Her looks were calm, her manners tame
I really wished she’d stay the same,
 But to when she left, from when she came,
Deception was her only game.
 My path to love had been so rough,
So hard, rugged, it made me tough.
It wasn’t long ‘fore I met Rose,
Pretty, sweeter by the dose.
To her I took an instant liking.
But once we went bike riding,
She met a long lost cousin,
T’wards whom she showed uncanny liking.
Well, that was fair, or so I thought,
Till the day in bed, them both I caught.
Like I said, I’d become tough
And her little act was not enough
To get this old stallion
Weep from pain and feel alone.
I marched right on.
The wind brought in Sylvia,
So pious, in love with prayer.
Nearly was I fooled
By her style, the way she schooled. 
Saintly demon she proved to be,
Sworn to stay the same eternally.
Thelma just didn’t get it right.
She lit a quarrel, then a fight.
Her seasoning too was prone to loiter.
It’s thanks to her I’m free from goiter!
Ursula, a foreign girl I met,
 Was close to base and thickly set.
Many were the times her mind was set
On losing all my savings in a bet.
She saw no bars,
She kept no laws.
The time we shared was but a loss.
Why all this fuss?
Why all this pain?
I held them all in such disdain,
And swore by life I would detain
My heart with bonds of chain
Till came that time when girls be sane.
At last it came, or so I thought,
As Vanessa, misfortune brought.
Her looks were fine,
Her smile was nice, 
But all she knew to make was rice.
Winifred too followed the cue,
And like you know I wish I knew,
She was a night rider,
A hidden foe, a crouching tiger.
Many were the nights
My phone will ring,
And I’d hear the same song sing: 
“Winnie got drunk and hit the gutter,
By all that’s holy, please come get her.”
Xena was one like none I’d met.
She broke a lie without a sweat.
I recall one time I heard
Her on the phone, caught every word.
“Who was that?” I had to ask.
It proved to be no sweating task!
“It was my dad”, I think she said,
 But she forgot her dad was dead!
I had to go, I could not stand
The way her stories sank in sand.
Yvonne, this girl I met in school,
Had eyes that made you drool.
I did her bid, I played her fool,
It’s sad to know I was her tool.
Zenobia, legs that wouldn’t stop,
Passed by and made my molars drop!
Scantily clad, she caught my eye,
That’s how it works, don’t ask me why!
I loved her gold and blue hair dye.
This was it, I’d found my love
Sent to me from up above.
But she was a business woman
Out to sell to the richest man.
“Does love exist?” I asked myself.
I should just shove it on a shelf.
Please don’t conclude, don’t get me wrong,
I love the ladies, mind not my song.
Just an art, nothing negative,
So please let’s not get sensitive.
This is fun, it’s all a joke. 
That was me just being a bloke!

Details | Limerick | |

Downtown - adult


Details | Free verse | |


Crazy how when one problem is solved,
Another one arises,
When one thing is lost,
we find another one,
When we give up
someone else moves up,
When we think its the end of the road,
the journey has just began.

Crazy how when one stops hurting,
worry wants to take over,
When we are down and crushed to dust,
freedom calls, wanting to sweep you away like the wind.
Crazy how when i cry,
I realize am normal,
I have emotions and tears.

Funny how When my life is out of control,
When am broken and hurt,
Scared, thinking that this crazy world,
Is going to bring me down,
i find a reason to smile

Details | Free verse | |

Just To let You Know

I’ve eaten the chocolates you brought last night
   in the box that was prettier then the taste of the candy
forgive me, I don’t mean to sound ungrateful
I’m not that kind of girl you know 
  one who is bribed by roses and Whitmans 

am I likely to fall for fluid practiced lines
  meant to make a girl swoon and fall in love 
for a careless hour of your time
  with your hungry, shallow anticipations…
of removing my pearls and chemise
  you know…
the one who waits with excited expectations
  for your silvery seductions...
just yearning to be seduced 
  by your lover boy’s touch
  or …
for a midnight tryst 
  that ends before it even begins
  oh yes... 
I see your majolica, opaque heart 
  It reveals the opacity of your dull mind 
you interest me not 
  my heart rises to the golden boy
the one who laughs with his eyes
he really does see me with his heart
  the one who listens- who knows the color of my eyes 
he spends $1 on my favorite kind of licorice

$20 for a meaningless box of chocolates or…
  roses meant only to impress
he's the one who learns quickly 
  he really wants to know things about me
those little endearments…
  you know...
like what my middle and last names are
  he knows and sees what I have to offer
it will be appreciated by a true heart 

for I am not an empty headed
  young, seductress 
to sweep you off your feet 
with empty lines and ploys 

I am not that she 
  who expects fancy gifts 
unloading your checkbook of it's contents
  putting out her soul for sale

I'm not some plastic Tinker toy 
  you put together and then pull apart
I think I’ll just wait until he comes along
  If not…
when I’m alone I’m happy 
  the smell of the dogwood
their fragrance in the breeze
  I’m okay with just being me

Details | Quatrain | |

The Rhinoceros That Roared

~The Rhinoceros That Roared~ The Wrinkled skin of the Rhinoceros Steel hard, no man can penetrate The young buck on the tourist bus Thought if he killed one, his lovers heart he could take. He wanted to be a macho man... But he was just a spoilt rich boy He took his souped up jeep out there He roared the engine of his favorite toy. The horn of the Rhino he wanted to win To give to the girl he loved, as a prize It is supposed to be an aphrodisiac But he was in for a great big surprise. He faced the Rhino in his souped up jeep The Rhino looked bored, if one can, so to speak… Pedal to the metal, head on towards the horn The wheels spun, the earth showered, the Rhino looked forlorn. The jeep roared at the Rhino, who opened his mouth up wide Just as the souped up idiot hit-and he drove on right inside The Rhino swallowed and walked away with a jaunty gate The girl he lost, he disappeared, for them it was to late… Tales are told in whispered voice still through out the land They tell of a Rhino who does strange things when his temper is fanned His eyes flash, his feet spin, a horn beeps, and more Just don’t get in front of him, because you can hear an engine roar…
©~GG~ 19/08/2012

Details | Light Poetry | |

Only 29

Had another birthday wow thats 29
You would think by now i would toe the line
Nope thats just impossible i love to jump and shout
Swing on the children's swings 
When the park keepers not about

The slide still looks so inviting
Can remember on a previous trip
When coming down that blinking slide
Heard an awful rip
Knew without looking was filled with despair
By the feel of cold metal my ??? was bare

Getting home was difficult
Trying to keep my modesty intact
Walking with back nearest the wall
Was not an easy act.
It was a cold night snow was on the ground
Serves me right, leave things alone when the parkies not around.

Even with such a reminder I view the playground with awe
Can i swing high enough to go right over the bar?
Well a girl has to try it, don't you agree
Fell off as i knew i would badly  grazed my knee
But i did it, I swung myself so high 
Felt like a bird flying in the sky
Was then I let go, silly girl i thought,
As head went bang knocked myself out

But a look of delight came over my face
Not a sign of a rip in this pretty lace
But this is the last time i will play on these things
Cos next year I'm 30 too old for slides and swings
Hmmm will have to think about that one, today is just fine,
Can have another sneaky go, cos I am still 29.

Details | Rhyme | |

Harriet-Part II

The mice moved in, the birds moved out
They were in charge; there was no doubt
That lazy girl just disappeared.
But was she gone?  Her mother feared.

When spring arrived, bees built a hive
Wrens made a bath and took a dive.
The branches grew, and flowers bloomed
That stubborn girl might well be doomed.

Then trees took root and vines entwined
Life was grand-no critter whined.
Still she was buried ‘neath her guise.
Did this fact come as a surprise?

Last time mom checked under that hair
She heard a faint voice, barely there;
“I won’t.  I shan’t.  You can’t make me.”
“I want my way.  Why can’t you see?”

By Susan Burd © 2012

Details | Light Poetry | |

The House of Frankenstein

When Frankenstein got too lonely he made himself a friend,
He made him out of the spare parts that Igor would nightly send.

He built a pal who would be loyal and would stay right by his side,
One that could be counted on until he’d found himself a bride.

The two of them would go out together to watch the baseball games,
They’d drink cold beer and eat hot dogs and whistle at the dames.

And then one day Frank met a girl who stole away his heart,
But he had others in a jar so with this one he could part.

He spent so much of his time with the girl as they daily dated,
That he had no time for old friends especially ones that he’d created.

And then one day the bells rang out and Frankenstein was wed,
The monster felt that he’d been neglected as he wished that he were dead. (Again)

But Frankenstein hadn’t forgotten him so he grabbed his saw and knife,
And stitched and sewed through the night until he’d made a monster’s wife.

Now Frankenstein and his monster still sneak out to watch a game,
But no more beer or hot dogs and without the whistling it’s not the same.

Domestication tamed these two and they’ll tell you that it’s nice,
But sometimes when there’s an angry mob they’ll think about it twice.

Because they miss all of the excitement from the days of their youth,
But not enough to give up their comforts if you want to know the truth.

Today they only reminisce about old times when Frankenstein was mad,
When he and his monster would go doing things that villagers called bad.

Now they have to be careful in what they say because Frankenstein has a kid,
And it might put ideas in his little head if he knew what his father did.

Still, sometimes when a storm is brewing and there comes a lightning flash,
The old doc will head down to the lab but claim that he was taking out the trash.

If you should ever come across this place pay heed to the warning sign,
“Parts of you are welcome to stay at the house of Frankenstein.”

A creepy, scary haunted house poem please contest

by Tony Lane

Details | Limerick | |

Samantha's Tree

Samantha once scampered a tree
To see whatever she could see.
So far up did she boost
That an owl came to roost
On Sammy's precarious knee.

Details | Light Poetry | |

The Conquistador's Lament

"The Conquistador's Lament"
 By Rachel Heffington

"Oh, to have a seniorita
Waiting for me in my casa
As the sun of dear Hispania
Speeds me home-a, fast an' fasta'
And to have the seniorita
say 'twas me her heart was for-a...
I would give all of my galleons
For a girl who I adore-a.

But I'm lone and lorn and wasted
In this colony in Flor'da
With not a single lady
Who would dare to cross the borda'.
I have doubloons by the thousands
And jewels by the score-a,
But I'd throw it in the ocean
For one girl who I'd adore-a.

I would tear my silken waistcoat
And rend my lace cravat-a
And burst my diamond buttons
If I thought 'twould help the matta'
But it's useless-truly useless
For the dreary thing is sure-a:
America has pinned me
And there's no one to adore-a!"

Details | Limerick | |



The girl was puckered up to be kissed
Said he was tired, and she was dissed,
With her eyes full of fire
She let air out his tire,
So don't mess with girlfriend when she's pissed.


Debbie is trying to get a man
Today she came up with a new plan,
Wore a sexy number
Tons of make-up on her,
Then to the corner she went to stand.


Cousin Joan is as flaky as biscuit
Always have cameras in her basket,
She just strolls around town
Taking pics all day long,
'Cause the signs says to "Click it or Ticket."


One little Call girl sat in the pew
Was so sad, didn't know what to do,
Along came her Pastor
And sat down beside her,
Held out her hand, "Please give me a screw!"

Her watch band was broken!!  What did you think... lol..

Details | Rhyme | |

Cindys 1, 2 & 3

I got married too young to a girl whose name was Cindy
After almost ten years she decided to end it with me
Several years later I married a girl named Cindy, too
My family now refers to them as Cindy 1 and Cindy 2
Even though Cindy 2 and I today remain married happily
She has agreed to step aside for Cindy Crawford to be Cindy 3

That seemed like a wonderful deal some twenty years ago
When Ms. Crawford was so beautiful even with her little mole
And even though she is still sexy and would make a terrific Cindy 3
I think that I would rather have my Cindy 2 stay here with me
So if you see Cindy Crawford even though I know it will break her heart
Please tell her there is nothing she can do to break Cindy 2 and me apart

Details | Quatrain | |

Bunny Wabbits

A cute little girl enters the pet store “What can I do for you?” Asked the store clerk The little girl was missing some front teeth, “A bunny wabbit”, she said with a smirk We have lots bunnies’ right over here How about that pretty fluffy white one? That brown one looks like one you can cuddle And that slick black one would surely be fun Take your pick Honey; they’re really nice Our bunnies are lovable as they get Well, I’ve got to tell you the truth mister I don’t think my pet python gives a shit!

Details | Limerick | |

Four Limericks

There once was a girl named Ana,
Who loved to eat ice cream and banana,
THen her treat did disappear,
And Ana shed some tears,
Everyone felt bad for Ana Banana,

There once was a boy named Peter,
Who was known as the school's best cheater,
One day he was caught,
And detention he got,
Everyone felt bad for Peter the Cheater.

There once was a boy named Michael,
Who had a new motorcycle,
He went on a ride,
And fell off the side,
Everyone felt bad for Michael.

There once was a girl named Fina,
WHo dreamed she was a ballerina,
She would gracefully twirl,
Until she could hurl,
Everyone felt bad for Fina.

Details | ABC | |

My Manderin Orange Calvin Kleins

Everybody was after them back in the day
I tell them this is not the King, you can't have it your way 
I still have them and they are still sought after
When I wear them, I don't understand the laughter
A policeman stopped me and gave me a fine
He said I was violating the noise ordinance with my Manderin Orange Calvin 
My niece is due to inherit them for her generation to enjoy
They are unisex, made for a girl or a boy
I try to make sure that disco is still rockin'
Right now I am jammin' on the song Jive Talkin
I am wearing a shirt the color of red tomatoes off the vine
This shirt will go well with my Manderin Orange Calvin Kleins
I have to dig a chest to find my three inch platform heel shoes
The color has kept well, the brilliant Robin Egg Blue
The shoes are tight, but the read a size nine
What a great combination of clothes all built around my Manderin Orange Calvin 
As I go to a club to dance, I clear the floor
A bouncer shows me kindly to the door
I wonder what did I do wrong to deserve this
I lift my arms and smell my pits
A girl calls me Austin Powers and tells me I am way ahead of my time
I tell her it must be my shirt or shoes, I know it can't be my Manderine Orange 
Calvin Kleins
I guess I will move to a place where they show pity
Maybe a place where I can fit in, I know such a place, it is called Sioux City
Maybe then I can get the respect I most certainly deserve
I will wear my  Argyle socks and throw them Sioux Cityans a curve
I hear the Carmens and Brewers are cousins of mine
They will all be jealous of my Manderin Orange Calvin Kleins

Details | Light Poetry | |

Beauty shop

There is something I notice about women
That has me quite amuse
And the more I think about it
I am becoming more and more confuse

While walking down the street yesterday
In front a beauty saloon I stop
And when I take a look inside the window
I could have swore it was auto body shop

They were completely repairing a woman
From her head to her toes
I couldn’t believe what I was seeing
As my curiosity begin to grows

I see a lady working on her hair
Adding waives the colors of the rainbows
While one doing her fake nails
And another guy working magic on he toes

The eyes lashes was already glue in
and the blue contacts was done install
And when a Botox needle went in her face
You know the women didn’t even bawl

Then a girl come by her lips and blocks my view
So really couldn’t see what she was doing
But I know when the girl done and leave
Her lips look fat it was no longer thin

Then she talking of the work she had done
With silicone and implants everywhere
And she start telling of a bunch of other stuff
But a car blowing horn so I couldn’t really hear

Well in my life I’ve never seen
A woman takes so much pain
The thing that have me more worried
She makes an appointment for next week again

Now I checking all the things she had done
Fake nails, fake Lashes, fake lips, fake hair
Contacts, silicone, Botox fake top and behind
She looking like a new car walking out of there

But I must admit that she was looking nice
Face red and rosy like a ripe mango
And I could smell her perfume as she comes
Walking like she’s one of them super model

Then she stops out side and looks at me
Holding a bag of Chinese food in my hand
And said don’t even try it loser
A woman like me looking for a real men

Details | Light Poetry | |

Bruised Ego

I lusted after Deborah from my first day at school.                 
As did every other boy, her looks made them all drool.
On Valentines I sent a card despite my inhibition.
She responded with a churlish smile that set me on a mission,
I asked her for a date and she replied “well, that depends…
…in fact, on second thoughts, I’d rather we were Just Friends”

Details | Rhyme | |

I'm calling you phat, not fat

When I call the cool girls phat, they think I'm calling them fat.
They get very offended and angry when I call them that.
When I call them phat, they won't go out with me anymore.
Last week a girl broke my nose when she slammed the door.

Some of the girls kick me in the crotch and others poke me in the eyes.
They get confused by what I say and now I'm a man who is despised.
Yesterday a girl broke out my teeth with a hammer and then she called me a rat.
If you want to succeed with the ladies, take my advice and don't call them phat.

(This is a fictional poem.)

Details | Free verse | |

the doors

love of my life
the heart of the gold
the crystal handle
to my love door
she opened them wide
and gave a huge smile
and shined her light
in my dead life
she opened me 
with tears of grace
and she made me realize
that i got to fight every way
stand my ground
and not let me down
for i was in tears
for all the break
and then she came
and made me alive again
she made my heart beat
and my lungs breath 
she gave me everything
which was what i need
for to come back
and socialize once more
she has made the pain
run away
never to come back
or return anymore
she made my life
as a prince or a knight
with all loyalty and might
she brought me my life
back from the grave
were my doors were sealed
and i thought no one
would try to revel
my batter and bashed
a heart as you may
she is fixing it right now
and making it great  
thanks to her
i am alive again

Details | Light Poetry | |

Starbucks Patty

I know a girl named Patty though I never learned her last name,
I should have asked her long ago so I only have myself to blame.

I can’t ask her what it is now; we’ve known each other for so long,
I’m afraid that it might get weird or that she would take it wrong.

She makes my coffee every morning and brings it without trial,
I pay her and throw in a little tip and she thanks me with a smile.

I ask her about the classes she takes and she asks me about my job,
She told me that her boyfriend’s name was Steve or maybe it was Rob.

And Steve or Rob had a plan for advancement but in a different town,
He must have gone without her because lately she’s been a little down.

I’m not worried about her though I’m sure that someone will snap her up,
Because she seems to be a very nice girl and she brews a pretty good cup.

She’s just one of the people in my life and I hope that she will stay,
She knows the drink I always get and tells me to have a nice day.

Details | ABC | |


This guy i know is a jerk, He thinks its cute to look and flirt, Wish he would realize he just looks lame, I'm glad all men aren't the same, He's always acting like an ass, I mean what man don't knwo how to catch a bass, He's nothing but a big priss, That's why he can't get a woman to give him a kiss, So i'll tell him something true, Maybe he willl get a clue, Women want a real man, One who don't stick his pinky out while holding a beer can, We want a man who ain't got more cloths then walmart, Who don't hide like a little girl when hes gotta fart, One who tells us being near us is a treat, Not just being out looking for the next girl to help him cheat, One who will talk instead of just text, So get a clue before we move to the next, You will realize when we are not here, We went to find someone who can bring us some chear, If we wanted a guy who acted gay, We would stay, But we want a manly man, Who aint afraid to go shirtless and is tan, So enjoy your choices in life, Cause we are gonna make someone else a good wife...

Details | Free verse | |

no walkies for me

With a crouch and a jump and I miss it
Why can’t I get it myself
Why can’t I get the biscuit
My mistress leaves on the shelf

Normally I wouldn’t steal anything
But not a happy girl am I
She has gone out and left me
Didn’t even say goodbye.

Normally a tap on the head and that biscuit
Comes my way when she’s going  out
I give her my paw to say thank you
This pleases her I have no doubt

She thinks I am a well-trained boxer
Well I am when I want to be
Other times I think, shall I, shan’t I 
When she says outside for a wee

Oh, I hear the key in the door now
Shall I sit here and pretend I haven’t tried
To get myself a biscuit
But the debris might prove that I lied

There is flour on the floor
And on me now,  rice all over the place
Will she be cross I wonder
Should I hide without a trace

So I slink away to my bed now
Pretending that I am asleep
‘Til the screams of horror awoke me
What she called me would earn a bleep

Bad girl was one that she uses
Flowered up to make it sound bad
Think walkies is out of the picture
Now I am feeling sad

What a day I am having
No biscuits or walkies for me
She had better hurry up and let me out
Cos now  I really must p ee.

Details | Monorhyme | |

Her Name is Kate

On my very first date As I waited for her at her gate It was getting close on eight With this blond girl called Kate All the boys thought she was bait Another notch to be on their slate Sometimes it pays to wait For a girl who's better than great What will we do shall we skate To the ice rink we went in my crate Blimey, will it take my weight Oh my, it looks like she'll berate Taken for granted we can't compensate We're married with children, she's now my soul-mate

Details | Light Poetry | |


i lay day by day
watch them play
some lay in the sand
hand to hand
the skin  you can bear
i admit this
am a

Details | Free verse | |

This girl has me in her grasp

Mmm this girl i know
Shes bossy so
For i do not like you
I may be lieing its not true
It may be love
At this moment I cant move 
Your engaging stare has me paralyzed 
Im in you grasp 
How do you know of my love
Its time for a retreat
For that im beat
I need to rewind
My heart is stuck in a bind
Ive never had the feeling
Im going to jump through the ceiling
Can i be this overjoyed
Of this girl ive always tried to avoyed

Details | Free verse | |

The Girl I Used to Be

Extra pounds pad my frame
But I’d rather just ignore ‘em
Cause in my mind, I still see
The girl I used to be

My driver’s license say 52
Where has the time gone
On a good day I feel 18
Like the girl I used to be

When I get up, I hear
Creaking and popping sounds
My back is weak and hurts a bit
But some days I feel young 

I can't work as hard
Walking hurts my back
I take pills every day
For my aches and ails

Gray hair has found its way
Into my crowning glory
But L’Oreal covers that
So it won’t be showing

Wrinkles and a sagging chin
In my mirror appear
But I turn away and I still see
The girl I used to be

My hands are not as lovely
As I remember them
I look at them in surprise
As if to me they don’t belong

Sometimes I forget things
I know I used to know
Of all the things I miss
I miss my mind the most

Details | Free verse | |

humour me

not exactly the girl interrupted
not exactly the girl interrupted
said the boy with a promise to repeat
he who laughs last laughs best
laughs best he says
im not sure the joke is on me

Something funny he asks
something funny?
the sense of humour surrounding me
surrounds me

the joke i have become
the joke i have become
you never know what retard is packing a nun

something funny he asks
something funny?
the sense of hilarity surrounding the joke i am

how many shocked sherrifs
shocked sherrifs
does it take to get me
out of this?
wanna take a crack at the answer

The psycho in the bath
humour me
humour me
the sense of humour im among
isn't funny
isn't funny

not exactly the girl interrupted
the girl interrupted he says
with a promise to repeat
never know what retard is packing a nun
packing a nun

if your gonna lay the rail he says
lay the rail
better be ready to ride the train
he who laughs last laughs best he says
laughs best
i'm not sure this joke is on me

In the sexy trees
the sexy trees
i stare into like clouds
i see the tree spirits making love
i see the tree spirits shaking the tree
Practicing to look into the stars
into the stars he keeps rearranging
rearranging to tell me something
tell me something
i didn't before see

the joke that surrounds me
the laughter of everyone
everyone laughing at me
humour me says the psycho in the bath
the psycho in the bath says 
humour me

the sexy trees your fifth element
a fifth element
telling me something about the stars
the stars he keeps rearranging
rearranging to tell me something
he who laughs last laughs best he says
laughs best
with a promise to repeat
i don't think this joke is on me

Details | Blank verse | |

the art of catering

The Art of Catering 

There was a time I believed everything I read, even in Reader’s Digest. 
one such story was about a French soldier in the world war one who, 
in his breast pocket carried a notebook full of verses written for his 
true love in Lyon, a daughter of a welder. His adulation saved his life.
It was not for me to reflect upon how a note book could stop a bullet. 
I told mother I wanted to join the French foreign legion get wounded, 
not too serious mind, all this to impress the girl next door she didn’t 
like bookish boys who wore round black framed glasses. I threw my 
glasses away and for two weeks couldn’t read and tended to walk into 
lampposts. I challenged the biggest bully in the school yard for a fight… 
and got a bloody nose. I became a trainee cook and the girl next door 
laughed till she cried.  Back then cooking was not a big deal. Now that 
no one, not even women know how to make an omelet cooks or chefs
are super stars and show their skills to adoring fans on TV.  

Details | I do not know? | |


Happy Birthday GROVE STREET E-N-T"

with the most~
"Quid pro quo per buck"
let me say ~
happy happy birthday to you ~
i lift up my glass with a~
"lyricvixen LYRICAL Toast"
and "VIP Clientèle HOT"
as to say to you ~
i hope you have a ~
happy happy birthday~
that only a
like you can do ~
happy happy birthday ~
to a

Happy Happy birthday Tati"

with the most~
let me say ~
happy happy birthday to you ~
i lift up my glass with a~
as to say to you ~
I hope you have a ~
happy happy birthday~
that only a
"GIRL IN A PINK Bi·ki·ni"
like you can do ~
happy happy birthday ~
as "HOT-O-licious"
as "Tati, GOOD GIRL YOU"


Details | Rhyme | |

Redneck Wedding

Dearly Beloved; and you too Earl,
We have all gathered here together,
In everyone’s favorite bingo church,
To hitch these young-uns up forever!

Let me hear you all say yea-ya!
Luke here has finally gotten wise;
He dumped that city girl hussy,
And here we are…what a surprise.

Rumor has it, she slept around!
An adulterous woman was she!
She wasn’t very good in bed,
At least that’s what most men told me.

She wasn’t without her talents though.
She once sucked an ice cube through a straw!
A skill only a city girl would have,
The men who witnessed it were in awe!

Forgive me if I seem distracted.
Let’s get back to the affairs at hand.
Did I say affairs? My mistake.
I hope you all try to understand.

Luke, do you take your cousin Peaches
To be your lawfully wedded wife?
Do you promise to kiss her butt,
For the rest of your natural life?

Will you love, honor and respect her,
Even when she does nothing but nag?
Will you leave the toilet seat down
Now and until she’s an old hag?

And Peaches, will you have sex with Luke
Even when you’re not in the mood?
Get a Martha Stewart cookbook,
And try to fix this boy some real food?

Will you please learn that trick with the straw?
And you know my number if you do.
Now, let’s get this thing over with,
So we can start that barbeque!

Georgie, catch that chicken with the rings!
Be careful on that foot, if you can.
You’re lucky Luke only shot you there.
This way, you can still be his best MAN!

Okay boys, you’d best cock your rifles!
This time, you better aim for the head!
Anyone out there have a reason
Why this couple should not be wed?

Anyone? Alright, put em down boys.
I know…it is a big bummer;
But you still might get to shoot someone
When the tourists arrive this summer!

So, by the authority of the church,
And the fact that I can smell that meat,
I now pronounce you husband and wife.
Now kiss your bride so we can eat!

Details | Light Poetry | |

Big Love Part 1

There’s a statue of the Redeeming Christ
on a mountain near Rio De Jeneiro,
The faithful of Brazil count on him
to keep them on the straight and narrow.

With his hands spread wide he does his best
to give their heartstrings a tug,
But do any of them ever stop to think
that what he needs might be a hug?

But the girl from Ipanema’s arms
aren’t long enough to wrap around his neck,
And she just doesn’t have the height she needs
to give him a little peck.

He feared that the day might not ever come
when he’d find his one true love,
He’d have to be satisfied with his mountain top
and gazing from above.

Then one day he overheard a tourist talking
about a statue named Liberty,
When they spoke her measurements
he thought to himself, “Now that’s the girl for me.”

Her height was listed in the brochure as
being one hundred and fifty feet,
And Jesus knew that a gal her size
would make his life complete.

So late one night he left his stand
and while the city of Rio slept,
He decided that he was going to meet this girl
so down the mountain he crept.

He learned that she lived on a harbor island
outside the city of New York,
He was happy to hear that she wore a robe like his
so he didn’t feel like such a dork.

Details | Ballad | |

Louise- a community effort-please add to!

swinin' in he trees
hardly aware
of the summer breeze

be careful what you show-
I didn't have to know
my dear Louise-
that you wear BVD's

did I hear you sneeze?
has such great exertion
brought you
to your knees?

dear, tell me if you please-
why you feel you must-
be such a darn ol' tease?

"here's an'udder...
one of deez..(Brooklyn talk)
my lovely girl Louise
again you're on your knees
this time intent to please

my dearest, dearest friend-
I'm so  heart-broken
to have to tell you-
my sweet lovely Louise
that we have discovered
you're infested with lots of fleas

watch out in the trees!
that pine-cone
that you thought it was..
turns out a hive of bees!

my special one, my friend...
I'll bet you are unique
in all the 7 seas

you gotta come down now-
a letter you have received
seems the "Louise Rhyming Club"
has not received their fees...

come on now!
you listen with great ease..
but do little but say
"oh, my, oh my, oh Jeeze...."

Louise-dear girl it's time to eat-
so get down from the trees-
we have your favorite cheeze!

come down, right now, this instant!
for our door got locked somehow
and I can't get in without you-
because my dear Louise-
you are the only one...
who has the Louise keys....

so get started folks!  let's make this the first whole community project!!
regards, and Smile! God dang it!!

Details | I do not know? | |

Bubbly and A Geek

Her four eyes laugh louder than her mouth,

Her childish lips are funny like that funny stout.

She’s fifteen and is fond of writing about fiction,

She’s the coolest of cool despite of her uncool diction.



She is both funny and scary when she gets mad.

He secretly likes her because she’s averbose brad.

Her leadership outstands in a troop so well,

Her glasses of wisdom are equipped in an infinite duel.


Looking that cad standing with her old pink fashioned device,

Is the Jane of all trades who exerts county efforts that thrice.

Out of nowhere is the girl who is a friend of anyone,

She is as bubbly as me who is likable by everyone.


Peeping the next years of her life,

Is the girl who is bounded of glitters of cozy lite.

Peeping the next years of her one long battle,

Is a courageous success without a fearful rattle.

Details | Limerick | |

Plump Girl

There was once a young girl named Pat
Call her plump, she springs like a cat,
As she shouts and screams!,
Yet, she likes ice-creams,
Which make her so heavy and fat.

CONTEST:"Spring Forward" sponsored by Debbie Guzzi .

Details | Light Poetry | |

poor boy

There was a girl that was seriously in love with a poor boy, That poor boy could not be involved with her because he did not have any money to showe her that he loved her.
The poor boy made a lot of mayhem of his self, So he could love her and care for her, Then the girl ran away so she can be with the poor boy and be happy.

Details | I do not know? | |

The Piece of Hair and the Little Girl

The little girl was in her bathtub.
She was minding her own business.
When long came floating by a lonley piece of hair.
Omg the girl screamed bloody murder.
Her mommy came running in only to find a piece of hair,
All she could do was laugh and tell her child to calm down its ust hair.
The mommy left and the girl screamed again, so the mommy came back in
only to find another piece of hair floating in the tub and a piece on her daughter.
She made her ge out of the tub and told her again
It's only a piece of HAIR!!!!!!!!

Details | I do not know? | |

My Imperfections Thats Just Me

I'm a girl of imperfection, that's just who i am.

Sometimes I give up doing things when i don't think i can.

I'm a horrible liar but i sometimes still try.

They say my give away is something in my eyes.

They tell me I'm to passive and that i need to stand my ground.

Yet when i become a brat(altered for site)....

nobody wants me around.

I am Sagatarious and as stubborn as can be.

I bet on number 9 cus false hopes tell me it's lucky.

My number never wins but i play it anyway.

The dreamer inside me is waiting for that day.

I use bad grammer and stumble on my words.

Sometimes i talk so's hard to be heard.

Some friends call me pokey cus i move at my own pace.

I will get there eventually cus my life is not a race.

I'm a girl of imperfection...that's never gonna change.

Even when you know me, you'll still think i am strange.

Sometimes I'm frustrating and even annoy myself.

I take things for granted and I envy others wealth.

I love the smell of roses but i think Daisy's are the best.

Sometimes I eat the pettles and throw out all the rest.

I love to drive when theres more then just me.

Slug bug gets boring with just the car seat.

I have been known to snore when i sleep.

Bad dreams cause me to grind my teeth.

I was once told I was laughing hard in my sleep.

Still today i wish to remember that dream.

Forgotten forever like a stranger passing by.

The one that made me laugh without saying hi.

Occasionally im clumsey and I'm often being rushed.

Be careful with feelings are easily crushed.

I'm modest about my feelings so you would probrably never know.

But if you lie, cheat, or steal from me their sure to one day show.

I consider myself a passive woman...never lookin for a fight.

I was raised to use my words to stand up for what is right.


Details | Ballad | |

I Can Finally Drive

My bicycle days are through 
Please help me spread the news 
I no longer have to be a 32 year old hermit 
Mom and Dad got me my permit 
I just bought a car that seats 5 
Thanks to my parents I can finally drive 
Mom goes with me and my girlfriend out to eat 
Mom rides shotgun, my girl in the back seat 
While we are eating with live entertainment 
My girlfriend expresses how she doesn't like the car's seating arrangement 
So my mom drives and my girl is shotgun 
Now I am the lonely one 
We drop off my girlfriend and I ask my mom to remove the knife 
She says stop complaining, now you can drive 
The next night my Dad goes out with me and my buds 
We want to sit back and suck down a few suds 
Not on my watch, my Dad says 
My night out with the buds was disastrous 
After one beer, my Dad says you are too drunk to get behind the wheel 
He has no idea how this freedom of driving makes me feel 
My Mom and Dad are smothering me, my social life will never survive 
With them around, it look as if I will never truly drive 
Now it's Mom's turn to escort me, guess where we go 
My girl and Mom in the front seats, we stop at Domino's 
We all three sit in the car and wait for the pizza to get done 
Mom says no a/c, let's enjoy the sun 
I begin a waterfall of sweat 
Mom says look at you, you're all wet 
Mom asks for extra napkins when the pizza is delivered to the car 
Mom says tonight is Friday, let's park by the lake and enjoy the stars 
At the lake, I will drown myself, if I take a dive 
I am going back to the bicycle, I will never again attempt to drive

Details | Free verse | |

No is all you ever say

There you was standing in my way
Each and every day
No is what you always say

Like when I was six and wanted to fly
You said no took my wings and made me cry
If I had jumped out of the tree I would have died

And the time that the senior had asked me out
You said no and made me shout
Two years later he went to jail for rapping that girl and still is not out

Or the party that girl had with no parents there
You said no Even though dad did not care
The cops were called and found drugs everywhere

You was always in my way
And no is what you always say
Thank you mom for being that way

Now I am the one who has to be in the way
And no is all I ever say
Maybe my boys will understand someday

Details | I do not know? | |

Bessie's Da Girl For Mi!

Bessie’s Da Girl For Mi!

D’ars  she blows dat horse of a whale!
Only Tashtego might spear a mighty whale like’er!
Mi  eye’s seeing spots from seeing the blasted sun all mi days on dis ship,
But mi leaves on the next shore,
An’ I’m nere coming back on this ship O’ demons,
Until I kisses mi sea hag of a woman, Bessie!
She’s da  shine of mi eye and de lift of mi sails,
And she’s got a might round and wide tail too!
Bessie’s da girl for mi da Man O’ Da  Blue Wavy Sea!

Details | I do not know? | |

Children With Pets

Just love sharing this ice cream cone
Licking the opposite side from you
Brings joy to my heart just like a bone
Glad that you begged with a boo-hoo

Happiness comes to my mind it's true
When I think of playing with you
Wearing the pink bucket on my head
Even though I am a male Bulldog instead

This pink bucket makes me smile
Because you my mistress are filled with joy
When we play a game that's for a child
And a girl game and girl's toy

How excited I get when you get the leash
For that means we'll be walking down the street
My three year old mistress dressed in tie-die
Leggins and very frilly sandals

Maybe no one will notice that I'm a male
Hope that I don't have to use the fire hydrant

(Little three year old girl who has a male standard size boxer or bulldog as he pet and 
companion. As seen through the dogs eyes.)

Details | Rhyme | |

She is

She sounds like an angel when she sings
She looks like one but with invisible wings
She is perfect, I cannot find any mistakes
She’s always willing to give and seldom she takes
She is the girl meant to be
She’s the one I want to marry me

She’s been married to me now for ten years
She’s the one that caused me to go deaf in the ears
She was cast down from heaven
She torments me and the town of Devon
She is the girl meant to be
She’s the one I beg to divorce me

She’s an angel sure from heaven
She has a number 666 not seven
She’s my wife
She my trouble she’s my strife

Details | Free verse | |


I took my girl to the ice cream parlor,
to buy her and ice cream cone.
when we got there, her mother was there,
she had to be chaperon.

How  can we be with each other?
when she always with her mother.
We cant even hold hands at the picture show,
her mother got to be there where ever we go.

Now that we are getting older,we thought it would get better.
Wrong it got worst.
Now when ever I want to kiss my girl,
I have to kiss her mother first.

Now that we are dating,
I asked my girl to take her to the prom.
Wouldnt you just know it,
she was chaperon by her mom

Soon we will be getting married,
and have a family of our own.
Her mother said if we have a daughter,
remember she will have be chaperon.

We love her mother dearly,
but one thing we dred.
When we are making love,
she will be watching from under our bed.

Details | Blank verse | |

The disaster

Now this is a story, completely true,  
I hope the same never happens to you,  
It about a girl I thought was cool,  
But I did something that made me look the fool  

I walked by the shop and saw the ad,  
And thought “a paper round wouldn’t be so bad!”  
I went in the shop and applied for the job,  
I wanted to stop being a worthless slob!  

I was soon working, it wasn’t great,  
Pouring rain, heavy bags – ALWAYS late,  
I got in the shop and was covered in mud,  
But the round had just gotten good!  

There was a girl packing her round,  
I grinned, walked over and muttered “sound”  
She was pretty, and had dark hair,  
But she wouldn’t like’s so unfair,  

I invested in a pair of roller skates,  
To decrease my high number of lates,  
It worked quite well; I was always on time,  
But my skating skills weren’t exactly sublime,  

Then came that day, in pouring rain,  
I had finished my round once again,  
I was on Kings Lane, when I slipped and fell,  
I rolled over twice, and mumbled “oh, well!”  

I stood up and saw the girl,  
I was so embarrassed, I wanted to hurl!  
She asked me if I was OK,  
This had ruined what was otherwise quite a good day

Details | Blank verse | |

Just wanted to, you know, get to know you.

There's this girl that I only known for like three days.

"She's a good catch bro, I mean she will give you some play."

Yeah that's what my friends say.

But I heard so much about her, but we really never met.

until one night I saw her and I was hooked, just like that.

But I'm not the type of dude that just talk to a girl to get in they pants.

I just wanted to get to know shorty, you understand what I'm sayin'?

So our 2nd meetin' we start to talk.

A little flirtin' back to back, I knew it was a good start.

So I was like, "Look ma. lets be real."

She said, "What do you mean?"

I said, "I know you feelin' me a little, I don't know why but you seem like a girl that 
really need a nice guy."

She smiled and said, "Sure you right, but you just met me um last night? Dang I 
sometimes do that on dudes."

I smiled and said "Dang, what you mean? I'm goin' tell you now I'm nowhere near 
like any other dudes."

She laughed and said, "Oh true, but hms what you tryin' do?"

I said, "I'm tryin' you know, get to know you."

Details | Free verse | |

Healthy Full

Your a healthy girl my father says,
but my mother says loose weight!
Your legs are thick and shapely my lover says,
but my girlfriends say they quake!
Your a shapely girl my buddies say,
but my co-workers say you must like to eat!
You remind me of Jessica Rabbit my doctor said,
but my teacher says try to look more like Jessica Biel!
I'm fat or thick?
I'm shapely or big?
I'm five foot nine and weigh...never mind,
But people make up your minds!
am I healthy or am I too full?

Details | Shape | |


I am 5'2, brown eyes, 115 lbs., 20 years old, and I am worth way more than 

I am the one that can make you happy when you are sad.
I am the one, that towards you, I will never be mad.

I am courageous, talented, and unique.
I am the one with the small yeet nice fasique.

I am unstopable and noone can hold me down.
I am the girl that can make heads spin round.

I am independent, meaning I do not depend on any man.
Iam also in control and in demand.

I am the girl you don't have to worry about being shy.
I am the one, that for you, I will always stay fly.

I am not perfect, and there is not a soul on earth that is and will ever be.
I am totally and completely everythin that you see.

Details | Ballad | |


Blue was feeling melancholy and was far from feeling jolly 
by the window of his quarters on that moonlight night in May. 
The old mate was broken hearted since young Jess and he had parted: 
that’s the Jillaroo from Bancroft who had jilted him that day. 
And old Blue would really miss ‘er, as she was a bonzer kisser, 
and he told this to a large green frog perched on the window ledge. 
This poor Ringer quite horrid, as his hand held up his forehead, 
and he gave the frog the run down like it was some privilege. 
“Do you have a girlfriend, froggy,  that just leaves your mind all foggy 
when she puckers up to kiss you and she makes you feel on high? 
As a kisser Jess was real hot and I reckon by a long shot  
she was up there with the best of them … except perhaps for Di. 
“She’s the blonde girl that’s a Nanny, on the place where my mate Danny 
breaks in horses every summer, and a looker, that’s for sure.  
Mate, this Di she was a goer and I’m glad I got to know ‘er, 
as that girl could suck your lips off and she’d leave you wanting more. 
“But we broke up in the summer, which I thought was a real bummer, 
so I hitched up with her cousin who’d come out to stay a while. 
This gal was a city floozie and her name I think was Suzie 
and her tongue it darned near choked me, but she certainly had style. 
“Then she went back to the city, which I thought was a real pity, 
still, I met young Katie Swenson at the rodeo that night. 
Sucking face was that girl’s passion, but I soon went out of fashion, 
as I found she kissed near anything that came within her sight. 
“So it’s hard, mate, just to pick one that I fancied as the best fun, 
as they all bring back fond memories but they all slipped through my grip.” 
He just sat there quite dejected and it came quite unexpected 
when a moth alighted on the top of poor old Bluey’s lip. 

The frog’s tongue flew into action, but his aim was down a fraction 
and it rattled the old tonsils in the back of Bluey’s throat. 
The old Ringer’s eyes went teary and his sight went kind of bleary 
and the words that bushman uttered I’m afraid I cannot quote. 
To this day it’s told by bush folk and believe me, this is no joke, 
it is ritual when Bluey goes to town and hits the grog, 
that he tells the same sick story, how no girls can match the glory 
of that moonlight night in May when he was tongue-kissed by a frog. 

Details | ABC | |

A Girl Named Puddin' (

She is round and short, but very sweet
This is not the kind of girl for bare cupboards, she loves to eat
If you invite her to dinner,  please be advised
She will want her second helpings twice
So budget your food bill considering her invitation
You will be cooking all night, so the next day for work, ask for vacation
If she comes in the kitchen, she will insist on fresh and hot cookin'
At 5ft 2, eyes of blue and 275, she is called Puddin'
She says she entered a non-televised world wide event, hotdog eating contest 
against Kobyashi and won
It was rigged so he was handed the prize, a lot of favoritism from the judges who 
all are from the land of the rising sun
Her toaster pastries must be Pop Tarts
On a flight she pays for an aisle and her own dinner cart
She demands that her food be cooked with utensils that are wooden
She is a wondrous creature and her name is Puddin'
The doctor tells her she must cut back on her intake or suffer a heart attack or a 
She no longer drinks regular soda, it is now  all the dollar menu items and a Diet 
The last time I heard about her and her whereabouts
She lives above a seafood eatery and lives on oysters, refried beans and dishes 
that complement Trout
So I say good luck on your endeavors, if you ever see her, I hope you wouldn't
She is always ready to eat, may we bless that girl named Puddin'

Details | I do not know? | |

Fake haters conversation

Hey y whats up girl did you see what happened to z
No what happened because i heard that d the wino knocked her up you know the 
one with a glass eye
no girl i didn't hear that one but thats not the one i'm talking about. she went and 
got this entire plastic surgery done and now she looks like the clown from the 
movie  from "It". Plus all of that plastic makes her smell like a wet dog.
Yo girl s stupid the she tripped over a cordless phone. Not only that she wears 
fake teeth.
Yo i'm telling you that i can't stand her. Next time i see her we are going to fight
Well here is your chance because here she comes and remember that I got your 
back girl
 hey z girl whats up? you know every time i see you your style is always of the 
hook. And your hair is always looking fly Right y
Right you look so natural and that perfume that you wear is hot. It fits you real 
good. You look really nice too

Details | I do not know? | |

Window shopping

   Girl I am window shopper got 3 or 4 guys I think I wanna try but I aint gonna holla i'm just going 
to keep juggling them and play this game it's kind of fun. Guys are kinda of funny if you think 
about them you can lie right to their face and they think your innocent. But they don't  know what 
else you been doing. Who else you been seeing... So many other stores that you be in.  You just 
give them a little smile and call them once and while and they start getting all excited thinking 
your their girl when you have other options and your playing them. But they don't  know and 
that's the funny thing they are so dumb when it comes to what women need and want. So let 
me try to explain.  Boy i'm a window shopper i'll write down your number that don't mean i'm 
going to call ya. Boy i'm a window shopper I'll try you out but i'll leave  you in the store if I don't 
like ya. See the color of my face is yellow and at night I still shine bright like a nightlight it's funny 
how many guys want to try this and I still ignore all their graphic comments. Be a real man and 
do something good to impress me and maybe I will turn back around and do some extra 
browsing. Saying hey shorty may get my attention and your style might have me melting but I 
gotta admit that I won't persue it if it aint in my interest to do it.  Cause i'm a window shopper 
being independent is just in my nature. If you want to explore my world than baby you need to 
offer me something better than pay less. Cause i'm a window shopper. Better known as a 
player under cover. Shy girls have fun too... now you know the truth.

Details | Burlesque | |

Tidbits of Madness Part 3

I wish I was an Oscar Meyer weiner....cause then I'd be in somebody's buns.

"I shall return!" I said to my last wife, last time I saw her in 1989.  McArthur I isn't!

Why are women so much smarter than men?  Probably cause they have brains.

I never realized just how stupid I was until I went to the eye doctor's.  See "A bad 
day at the eye doctor's" poem.

My eye doctor seemed to catch on real quick as to how stupid I was.

I hate to say it, but I think Rodney Dangerfield would make a better president.

Excuse me, but what year is this?

Did you ever wake up and realize the best part of your day was over?

I have a picture of me, when younger, flying in the air,in my karate days, kicking 
butt.  Now I need help just to pick up the picture.

How did I earn the nickname "Skuzz-Bucket"- I don't even own a bucket!

I guess the best thing about getting old is you got less time to suffer.

Wives- I need a chain letter.  Alimony?  Can't squeeze an orange that's already 
orange juice.  Excuse while I take the pits out of my hair.

And to my fans, I say thanks- wish I could afford an air conditioner though.

My "friends" gave me a room aerosol air freshener.  Seems the main ingredient 
was Zyklon-B.

With friends like that, who needs enemies?

Have a" happy"!  What a crock!

My doctor said he'd pay me not to come anymore.

He wanted me to join the "Euthanasia Club"

I didn't pass the test, however- they said I was brain dead too long.

Even the Girl Scouts mock me- they ask me for cookies!

I once had a girlfriend named "Cookie"  She was cute, but her butt was chaffed 
from bed-hopping.

Ever try to nail a girl while she's hopping on the bed?

Well goodbye my friends- see ya'll real soon...(Genuine White Trailer Trash 

Details | Rhyme | |

A Girl from a Little Town

In a little town, close to a park,
Lived a girl in a small house.
She had a dog, who liked to bark,
And always had a cold, black nose.

This girl grew up in the town at last,
And dreamed to leave the city fast.
Her dog was unhappy and sad,
But she decided to follow a lad

Who lived in a very big city
Without any nice dog or cat.
The boy was nice and even witty
And bore a funny, little hat.

The girl dreamed colorful dreams 
About the future, interesting life.
And she thought: “I’ve got a good wheeze,
I’ll be a beautiful, young wife!”

The boy sensed the coming prose
And vanished fast into thin air.
She had to remain in the small house
With the happy, black dog to care.

Details | Free verse | |


Planners plan and dreamers dream,
plotters plot and schemers scheme,
but I can tell you with utmost certainty:
not everything can be explained that easily.

Let me tell you a tale to drive home my point.

There was this bookworm who often came to the library
where one day he caught sight of a chick in the hallway;
she returned his gaze and something must have sparked,
it happened quite so easily just like a walk in the park.

“Hi,” he said and demurely she answered “Hello”.
“You’re a new face here, aren’t you?” he inquired.
“Yes, but aren’t you, too?” the girl coyly replied...
and they burst out giggling, breaking the ice.

He gave her his name and she told him hers,
both discovering they loved old Agatha Christie;
the very reason why they were in that same library -
to learn about spies, intrigues and life's mysteries.

“How about a quick bite in the cafeteria?” he then asked.
“That’s not bad at all,” she winked, “as long as you pay.”
between sips of soda they spilled out tidbits in their lives 
like long-lost friends making up for days long past.
He asked her for her number which she gave right away,
then begged if he could drop by her place any time soon,
to which she answered “I’ll shoot you if you don’t come”;
just like that, no sweat, it was a breeze and they were on.

Before you know it the young boy and the shy girl got hitched
and after twenty five happy years they had four crazy kids;
don’t you laugh at this tale, I know what I’m talking about -
that good-looking guy is me and that pretty girl is my wife!

You’ve been patient and I don’t want to bore you with a long story,
I know PoetrySoup has a limit to how much I am allowed to say;
folks, just remember the moral of this story: not everything in life
can be attributed to planning, dreaming, plotting and scheming -
don’t ever dismiss this wonderful thing called Serendipity.

Details | I do not know? | |

The Soul Searcher

The soul searcher….the chick that tries to make “the connection” with each and every 
brother she meets. She’ll wine and dine, buy the suit and even pay for the room. Yes… 
you are this desperate. Yeah I’m talking to you, sounds bad don’t it girl. Sit on up 
lemme talk to you a minute. You are worth more to yourself, you were born of strong 
black wood like ebony trees. Don’t lower yourself for a man. Let him take you by the 
hand and if he is worthy you accept... And you walk in the right way so that respect may 
be kept… I man doesn’t respect you if he says hello and you jump clean out your panties. 
Maintain some pussycat control girl think before you leap. Sex is not a prelude to a 
beautiful relationship.
 Get to know the man ladies and in this case I use the term loosely. The phrase soul 
mate would imply a connection with a soul- correct me if I’m wrong but when was the last 
time someone told you souls connected thru human genitalia. For goodness sakes take the 
time to get familiar….. with lifestyles, personalities, and families, and if you can’t 
see yourself married to or in the least having children with the man. Jump up and run 
like hell with underwear in hand.  Come on  how is important is  to have  a man that 
loves you if YOU don’t love yourself. Can you say you love yourself right now... I mean 
if you do exercise some restraint. I’m no saint but dang girl your extra curricular 
activities make me tired enough to faint. You can’t buy love or happiness so before you 
whip out the credit card girl…..Whip yourself.

Details | Rhyme | |

A Legend

If you find a way to the old ruins,
Stop, tired hiker, and direct your glance
To the remains of the past owners’ wealth.
They can still delight and hold your breath

Though the stone walls seem to be deserted.
They forgot their brightest period
When a rich king needed a secret place -
A well-hidden, and cozy, and nice space

To meet a young beauty – this king’s great love.
The closest neighborhood was very tough:
Wild, thick forests with big game and robbers,
With witches, and night ghosts, and big monsters.

The rich king crossed the drawbridge every night
To leave chambers and the girl at twilight,
The deep moat protected his young lover
Against a wild bear or a robber.

But the time was cruel and merciless
Even for such a beautiful goddess;
King’s late visits were rare and rare,
Only night monsters still gave a scare.

This fruit became not forbidden enough -
The girl was left finally - o, poor love!
The king lost his heart in another place.
You may see, hiker, the mysterious space…

Details | I do not know? | |


(This is a fictional poem)

My seventeen year old son has been getting his ### kicked.
When I learned who is whooping him, I felt sick.
It's a six year old girl who is giving him his beatings.
My son is a wimp and he allows these whoopings to keep repeating.

When I learned that my son is a coward, it made me mad.
He's a little ##### and I think that's bad.
That six year old girl beats him up and takes his lunch money.
Everybody laughs because they think it's funny.

This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen.
The time has come for me to intervene.
He's making himself look like a fool.
I'm going to take the crybaby out of that school.