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Cat Funny Poems | Funny Poems About Cat

These Cat Funny poems are examples of Funny poems about Cat. These are the best examples of Cat Funny poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

Details | Rhyme | |

Kitten In The Barn

It’s always a good practice when living on a farm, To have a family of cats living in the barn They always keep the rats and mice at bay and furnish humor too – Wherever you find kittens there’s usually a laugh or two. Now, I remember one time, I was out there milking cows, When I noticed three young kittens, out and on the prowl. One, a fine young tomcat, was really acting brave And I wondered if he faced some fear just how he would behave. Skillfully I squeezed and threw some milk across his face – He winced a bit, then licked his lips – he knew he’d found the place. We played around awhile and soon the playing stalled When he stopped and took a minute to answer nature’s call. He didn’t know it but he backed himself up to a fresh cow pad He grunted; then had the best little poop a kitten ever had. He turned around to cover it; then began the fun. He knew what he saw lying there was more than he had done. He arched his back, let out a scream and broke into a run. I thought, at first, it might have been something I had done. But soon it was no mystery what scared that little cat. There was the giant pile of poop I couldn’t help laughing at. This kitten was the alpha kitten of the litter Who ultimately proved to me that he was no quitter. So, when the time came to find him a name… Well ….. I just called him……”Fraidy” Written By John Posey 05/29/13


Details | Rhyme | |

A Cat With A Knack

I have a cat 
A real fat cat
My cat is all black 
My black fat cat 
It is a cat with a knack
A true fact about my cat
My fat black cat 
She has a knack to catch a rat
My all black cat brought me the rat 
This is why my cat is a fat black cat
So rats watch your back 
From  my cat with the knack
Or you will become a snack for my fat black cat


Details | Alliteration | |

Cat

Lounging licking leaping
Prancing pouncing peeking
Corners closets crouching
Tail twirling twitching
Sniffing sensing sneezing
Hissing huffing hunting
Pretty purring preening
Curiosity kitty killing
Nine long lives living


Details | Light Poetry | |

A Mouse in the House

A little grey mouse snuck into the house to get himself out of the cold. Then the house cat Who saw where he sat pursued him I am told. The lazy old dog who sleeps like log was startled by the chase, So she woke up her own small pup and they joined in the race. My sister the baby decided that maybe she would give it a try, She started a spat And was scratched by the cat and then she started to cry. That’s when mom called to Uncle Tom to come and lend a hand, With a straw broom mom circled the room knocking plants from off a stand. In came my dad and he was quite mad because the house was in disarray He was vexed with what happened next But it happened just this way. Our two brave bowsers chased the mouse up dad’s trousers He thought he’d be safe in there. Until Dad started to dance with the mouse in his pants Then he jumped up on a kitchen chair. Mom smacked dad’s seat and then came a repeat And the mouse climbed out of his pocket. Unseen by all he started to crawl into the wall through an open socket. Later that night, With no one in sight, I put out a nut for the little mouse. I had no hate toward him, And I tried to reward him. Even if he was trapped inside our house. I told him my name, And he did the same, Then he stuffed the nut into his cheeks. He said thanks for the food, And I don’t mean to be rude, But that was the most fun that I’ve had in weeks.


Details | Epigram | |

A season's dance


avant-garde

What art thou, splendid maid, inclined to verse?
Upon the skies, the stars thy words rehearse.

The darkness cometh with a Fall's request
while in thy kitchen, Gail, should do your best;

for spicy tastes the famous bard now begs
but you regaled his pleas with two boiled eggs.

The Eros Iamb feet, sung by the sire,
repeated are by stray cats' alto choire.

while resonant, of music flaws he shuns,
cats meow at him, from two deep tin trash cans.

Your bucket-full of water then, is thrown,
to fall upon his head and new iphone.

Enchanted so, thou callest the fine bard,
to dance with you Fall's jazzy avant-garde.

© G. V., 10-03-2013
(Iambic pentameter)


Details | Rhyme | |

Never Dream Within a Dream

-honestly...I have no clue why...- As I began to rest in my fickle dream Suddenly I was stirred from my sleep I was greeted by many a whisker And petulant snores from my sister The cat mewed ferociously and purred For there on the other side of the window—was a bird! It chirped like a wobbly siren—the ass! And I swear by my bosom it was pecking the glass Suddenly, I sprang up in alarm I swear my bosom was gone! The cat then motioned at the feathered brat For her bright breasts seemed extra fat Of course it wouldn’t have been that But I couldn’t just blame the cat! I opened the window only a crack And asked very kindly, “May I have my breasts back?” Such pride she attained from my bosom Yet why? –how would she use ‘em!? The mockingbird merely turned a goodbye But the stolen twins were too heavy to fly! She plopped to the ground and squawked I would have laughed, but I was shocked! The cat scratched at the window and with her eyes Said, “Prithee, take your breasts—she’s mine!” Before I could think I had fallen to the ground To a booming, most terrible sound! My eyes then opened to a cat on my head As the booming sound continued from my sister’s bed


Details | Couplet | |

My Bed The Synathroesmic Cat

oh lovely bed, dishevelled bed, 
warm and cosy snuggle bed
too nice to get out of bed
too big for one it should be shared

crisp clean sheets, to curl the toes bed,
pack of pillows for my head.
duvet to wrap around me, bed
wish you served meals, need to be fed.

coffee and toast make it a special bed
crumbs to lie on, isn’t good it’s said
best you throw me out, get a shower,
oh bed, can I sneak back in an hour, 

my bed I love you.

Penned 11th April 2013


Details | Free verse | |

not me two cats and a mangy dog

the rain fell 
outside 
dogs and cats
Sunday 
was late in coming
rolled over in bed 
played dead

until a red 
long haired cat
named Fred
sat 
on my head
and my face 
turned red

then a stray 
mangy yellow dog
named Yellow
decided to play 
with me
chased Fred away
and decided to stay

his body heat 
was hot
and I rolled over in bed
until a cool fat black cat 
named Frank 
chased Yellow
outside to the riverbank


Frank the cool fat black cat 
started to scat 
at the top of his range
at the edge of my bed
his blues 
went straight 
to my head

then Yellow and Fred 
returned 
with guitar and bass
and played backup
to Frank
while I played the bed
to save face

it was all 
going swell
until my neighbors 
who didn’t like our chops
banged a different tune 
on the wall
and called the cops

they broke down
the door
and took away us four
along with our instruments 
less the bed of course
into a paddy wagon 
we sped 

it was in a cell 
with a cot
that we realized that we were hot
to trot
and started our prison band called 
not 
me two cats and a mangy dog


Details | Personification | |

Oliver Thinks

"Why," thought the cat,
"can I see through the glass,
but when I try to go through it,
it won't let me pass?"

"There are bugs out there,"
the cat thought to himself,
"yet to them, I'm as dull as
a book on a shelf!"

The cat shook his head,
"This is really too much!
There's two squirrels in the yard
and a bird in the brush."

"How much fun it would be,"
with a mew he announced,
"to hunt and to stalk and then
gracefully pounce."

"Why, I'd shake them until
their necks were broke!
Maybe then," mused the cat,
"I'd be more than a joke."

"They'd be amazed by my prowess,"
he thought with a sigh,
"I'd torture them slowly and
they'd wonder why,"

"they never realized that
I was a threat,
while completely ignoring me
like I was their pet."

"I'd show them," he growled
as he laid on the sill,
"with them in my tummy,
I'd savor the kill."

"They'd show some respect,"
he thought with a yawn,
"I'd shown them who's king
of this yard and this lawn."

Head full of adventure,
he fell fast asleep,
safe in his house,
with plenty to eat.


Details | I do not know? | |

THE CAT ON THE FENCE

There once was a cat who hadn't much sense.
He liked to sit, every night, on a neighborhood fence
And sing, at the top of his not so sweet voice,
A medley of cat songs of his personal choice.
                               
He'd been told many times, in no uncertain way,
That he'd be wise to sleep nights, and prowl in the day.
Because near the fence that he seemed to like best,
Lived a hard-working man who needed his rest.
                               
So, late one night, in the light of the moon,
He climbed onto the fence and started to croon.
The sudden appearance of that unearthly sound
Aroused, from its sleep, the neighborhood hound.
                               
With the yowl of the cat, and the yap of the hound,
The midnight was filled with the maddening sound.
From the house near the fence, you might understand,
Came a groan from the neighborhood hard-working man.
                               
The poor, distraught man jumped out of his bed!
He ran to the window and stuck out his head.
He fumbled with this, and grappled with that,
Just anything handy to throw at the cat.
                               
He threw both of his shoes, some books and a broom,
And everything else he could find in the room.
The symphony ended abruptly that night
And suddenly all was peaceful and quiet.
                               
Next morning the cat limped home to his place,
And, believe it or not, he had a frown on his face.
Now, this might sound funny, but I assure you it's true,
Where everyone knows one should wear a hat--
--the cat was wearing a shoe.
                               


Details | Rhyme | |

HUMPTY-DUMPTY(spoof on a nursery rhyme)

"Humpty-Dumpty sat on a wall"
Why would he want to do that?
I'm sure he didn't Want to fall,
Perhaps he was just looking for his cat.

"Humpty-Dumpty had a great fall"
The cat started looking for his master,
Meanwhile, our Humpty was trying to call,
But this only made the cat look faster.

"All the kings horses and all the kings men"
The cat stepped carefully toward his master, 
Humpty thought he was saved again,
But all it meant was a real disaster!

"Couldn't put Humpty-Dumpty together again.
The cat started to lick as it started to rain,
Humpty felt himself getting thinner and thinner,
As the cat had more and more of his dinner.

This is the story of our Humpty-the egghead,
Who fell off the wall and made a great splat,
He didn't know the fall would make him spread,
And make a great meal for his fat ole cat.

Poor ole Humpty-Dumpty !
 ENJOY everyone


Details | Limerick | |

My Alien With a Cat's Face

From a planet which must be more fun
than the one called “Third Rock from the Sun,”
came an alien that
had the face of a cat.
In his hands he was holding a stun gun!

“Constellations -for eternity-
In a spaceship I’ve traveled,” said he.
“Though I look like a dork,
I could be a cool Mork!
May I stay? Will you be my Mindy?”

“So you know 80’s sitcoms!” said I.
“You sure are an interesting guy.”
“Yes, he said, “Earth’s TV,
with my technology, I can watch anytime that I fly!”

With this cool alien I now dwell,
and we both get along very well.
He’s no need for his gun,
for with me he has fun
watching shows that we both think are swell.

And we’ve flown now to many a place
like the moon and around all of space.
This guy from afar
is my SUPER STAR.
He’s my alien with a cat’s face.


Written for the Spaceship Contest March 11, 2014


Details | Narrative | |

Shake, Rattle and Roll - Big Joe Turner

Third verse:
I'm like a one-eyed cat peepin' in a seafood sto'
I'm like a one-eyed cat peepin' in a seafood sto'
Well I can look at you and tell you ain' no child no mo'
***************************************************************
A few interpretations for this visually challanged and rather paranoid creature:

Still makes me hungry just don't LOOK good as it used to or
Still smells good, just ain't sure what I'm SMELLIN' no more or
Don't LOOK good as it used to, Don't SMELL good as it used to and
Definitely don't TASTE good as it used to or...

I was born that way, so what? or
Used to have two, now I only got one and
That's all you need to peep with anyways and
I think that's all you got left too so...

Let's put our eyes together on this thing and
Let's sneak over there and tom-peep that hole and
You peep on the women seafood and tell me about it and
I'll peep on the men seafood and tell you about it and...

Wait a minute here, something's not...
No, no I'm not gay! I swear I'm not!
I know by the above verse it might appear that way but
I swear to god! I swear to god I never...

Alright now, this has gone JUST ABOUT FAR ENOUGH and
You can't hardly tell them apart anyway and
The men don't even have one...they just kinda sprinkle, you know and
The rest just...How do I know? Well I-uh...read it somewhere and...

Oh, just kiss my big you-know-what! and
Wait!...I-I mean...if you're a FEMALE fish you can or a lady uh...
Oyster? Or girl crab or ..Hey, stop that!...Ow!
I didn't say...Ouch! Why you!...(Sigh) let's try this again, shall we?
*****************************************************************
Sorry folks...Just had to get this out of my system...Hope you think it's funny and
What?... WELL!! Kiss my-my uh...Elbow!...yeah, that's it! My elbow...
*****************************************************************
Bill Haley and the Comets became rich and famous for doing a 'sanitized' version of this song in 1954... Big Joe's original was considered too suggestive and sexual for white audiences...

Second verse for example:
'Way you wear those dresses, the sun come shinin' thru
Way you wear those dresses, the sun come shinin' thru
I can't believe my eyes all that mess belong to you'

(In 'proper' English: THE way you wear those dresses) 




Details | Couplet | |

A Kitty-Cat Poem

.

Kitty, kitty in my chair,
Sitting there so debonair.

Black cat with shiny eyes,
To cross your path could be unwise.

Playful feline pounces fast,
Jump on people walking past.

Tabby teases a little mouse,
Tauntingly throughout the house.

Oh! Of cats what can I say?
They prowl at night and sleep all day.

~Virginia Mitchell


Contest; Cat Poems ~~      
Sponsored by: Constance ~ A Rambling Poet ~  
 


Details | Narrative | |

MAMA CAT AND HER GANG

My son and his family drove down from the big city,
out to the countryside with open fields and steams.
They brought their standard golden poodle along, 
a curly-haired fellow, name of Timmy.
Timmy had never seen a cat;
not even a mole or a furry rat.
Visiting country kin, he was checking things out.

Everything went fine that very first day.
Cats went about paying him no mind.
He walked about just passing time.
On that second day there was a big mistake.
Being a city dog with more worldy ways,
to add pleasure to his hum-drum days,
he thought it time to befriend these country kin.
 
The cats had never seen a dog this small,
only those on stilts, big, long and tall, 
like Pyrenees, big wide mouths and teeth to match.
With barking big dogs on the scene,
up a tree they squirreled, never to be seen.
But this golden-haired fellow, with city clout--
they’d give him benefit of instinctive doubt.

Mama cat was even so bold 
to sniff this city slicker right on the nose.
Sizing him up all the while, a friendly rat, she surmised,
a might bigger than some she had seen,
playing cat and mouse, yet acting so coy;  
that is, until that overgrown golden-haired rat  
walked up to Mama’s black baby boy.

Mama’s two other sons, another black and a blue,
began to gather nearer this city dweller, too.
Timmy politely extended his nose.
black son cat extended his razor-sharp claws,
with a bristled tail and fierce hissing jaws. 
Timmy let out with a painful yelp,
as Mama cat called all boys in for help.

Cats surrounded and gave chase to the dog,
life-fearing circles around the cedar tree he’d log;
four hissing cats hot on his tail,
poor Timmy yelping in a desperate wail.
The master of Timmy gave rescue,  
but Mama cat and her three grown sons,
strutting in pride, putting a dog on the run. 



Written by:  Carolyn Henderson
For Constance LaFrance's Cat Poem Contest
Won 9th Place


Details | Burlesque | |

Nose

He was sitting cross legged at 15th and Market

The  people would walk around him during the workweek

He sat chatting with his cat

The cat was named Mr Johnson and they were friends

The man had skin cancer on his nose in the form of a bloody mole

And there were days when he sat talking with the  Mole

The Mole would chastise him saying,"If your mother could only see you now."

"If my mother could see me now it would be a miracle,"said the man

The man's mother had been dead for over 20 years

The Mole loved to get his back rubbed but the man was tired

 So the Mole gave him the silent treatment

And  Mr Johnson reached up and scratched the mole

"You musn't be mean to the man or I will not feed you Mole."

The Mole apologized to the Man

The man decided to tell the Mole a story and cat would add parts

He always added parts

 

There once was a flower

'It stood near a Disco tower, "added Mr Johnson

Its petals were yellow

"All good moles  shout hello,"sang Mr Johnson

 

And the policeman was shaking the man and his mole

"Move along buddy."


Attempt at Burlesque


Details | Light Poetry | |

The Cat and the Dog (an overheard conversation)

"My word," said the cat,"you certainly do stink.
Methinks water's for bathing, not just to drink!"

"Retract those sharp claws," the dog stifled a yawn,
"I get plenty clean when I roll on the lawn."

"So much for you dogs having a great sense of smell,"
cat wrinkled his nose and whipped his long tail,
"now you just stink like the hinges of Hell."

"Get lost," snarled the dog, "with your sense of perfection,
"you only act sweet when you want some affection."

"At least they can kiss me," the old cat purred,
"without holding their noses since you smell like a turd."

"I am Man's Best Friend," the dog said with great pride,
"and I got that way by not being so snide."

"YOU'RE Man's best friend?" the cat said with a hoot,
"I feel sorry for Man, if that is the truth!"

"Don't make me get up," the old dog growled,
"I'll tear off your head," his eyes looking wild.

"I have speed for protection,"
he stretched with feline perfection,
"and as I go now, I fart
 in your general direction."


©Danielle White


Details | Clerihew | |

Violet Kitty Cat

~~ Violet Kitty Cat Famous within my neighbourhood Wears a pink frilly dress As she reclines dignified on the front porch ________________________ July 16, 2013 Clerihew For the contest Show Me The Funny (Part 2) Sponsored by Andrea Dietrich


Details | Rhyme | |

The silly cat with a hat

                                                            The cat wore a hat 
                                                             and scared the rat ,
                                                              it looked very weird , 
                                                               because it even had a beard .


Details | Limerick | |

DOG AND CAT CHASE

qoute: "a man chases a woman until she catches him." 
****************


how sweet this maiden of ron’s heart lays
with flair for whooping sensual grace
   in balmy weather
   tied bells together 
now it’s linda’s turn to make the chase


but fragrant lure matched with poetry
imprisons man in lush mystery
   when she swings her hips
   his mind flops and flips
it’s hubby chasing  smooth chemistry!


all rights reserved
            ©



ps__JT76926



************************
(( for Linda Marie's "Loveland Limerick"))
    by nette onclaud



Details | Limerick | |

Dexter

A serial killer named Dexter
His victim's wounds they would just fester
He causes great fear
To those that are near
He'll pounce on a mouse just like a jester

© 2013 Rick Zablocki


Details | Hybronnet | |

kittens sleeping


     Two kittens sleep
     aside as I write purring
     each in a moccasin 


Details | Couplet | |

BLACK FRIDAY

The day after Thanksgiving I didn't have to work
So, I decided to do something which was kind of a quirk.

I thought I would do some early shopping
For those Christmas gifts that would be eye popping.

As I started my car to begin my store raid
Something went amiss to stop my escapade.

I opened the hood to find the problem there
When I saw it, it really gave me a scare.

Our neighbor's black cat had crawled onto the engine block
Feeling the warmth, but not taking stock.

When I turned the key to give it a start
The cat shrieked as its tail was nearly cut apart.

Oh, it wasn't intentional that I hurt that poor pet
But you've never seen anything like it I'll bet.

When I heard the noise and the hissing you see,
I thought one of the hoses had broken...leaking fluently.

But it was the cat that was hissing when I raised the hood
All he could think of was to jump for where I stood.

With claws all out and teeth set to bite
Him coming at me was quite the site.

Fortunately he missed me with his outstretched paws,
Or I would have been really attached to those razor like claws.

When he hit the ground he ran away
Scared the crap out of me...that's all I'll say.

So I had to collect myself before I could go anywhere
Went back to the house and just stood shaking there.

Of course, I had to have a pop or two
To settle my nerves before I started anew.

Before I knew it, I was asleep in a chair
I never attempted to go anywhere.

All because a black cat wanted to keep warm
In the end, I was thankful I did so little harm.

"Black Friday" would have cost me a heck of a lot more
Had it not been for that cat's dozing for sure.

So, now whenever I go to the store
I buy some cat food, for that kitty next door.

He still remembers my opening that hood
I still remember him trying to claw me where I stood.

But we've come to an understanding that cat and me
And I tap the car before starting it to let him see.

As it is now...he stays out of my way,
Except when I feed him, for all the money he saved me on "Black Friday".



Details | Sonnet | |

Cat Ownership

You have to love them to sift their latrine,
The uric fragrance burning your nose and eyes
As you render their special place fresh and clean--
One of them watches, impatient, and sighs.
You have to be ready for sleep-rending howls
When one recovers his ragged cloth ball--
At twelve or two--shaking it with feral growls,
Boasting his prey up and down the hall.
You must be attentive--even at four--
If bowls are empty and bellies not full:
Rude rattling and scratching on the bedroom door
Has such a hypnotic, nerve-racking pull.
How apt the pharaohs decreed them divine,
While litter-box slaves were treated like swine.


Details | Limerick | |

Some Limericks...

She’s out there chasing a cricket

Through bush, through shrub & through thicket

Together they hop

Fugitive, cop

But when she gets it, she just wants to lick it!
 

A cat whose vet took his eye

Just cannot quite understand why

His eye’s been enucleated,

3-D vision reduciated,

So now, he keeps an eye out for an eye

 
Ya gotta keep limericks loose

Think green eggs, or perhaps Dr. Seuss

They’re structured, it’s true,

But they’re also a zoo

Whose tenants are all on the loose!


I frolic in fountains of words

Overflowing with serious absurds

Each poem I write

Wakes up and takes flight

Joining angels and faeries and birds

 
You ask that we write a good limerick

How to do so, I haven’t a glimmerick

So I struggle and frown

Teaching  poems to clown

So a smile on your lips will be shimmerick

 
A cat with a mouth full of mouse

Brought her feast right into my house

She played with her food

Who was not in the mood

To be a banquet of mouse in the house

 
The nightmares that shadow my sleep

Stampede the proverbial sheep

Right out of my mind

When I try to unwind

I find my appointment with sleep hard to keep

 
In her search for original truth

She met people unsavory and couth

She knitted and purled

But only unfurled

Yarns told by new age and old youth

 
Cat, suddenly pink,

Drinks her water from out of the sink

She looks so absurd

Since she’s been de-furred

I really don’t know what to think!

 
If one and one is two and two is four,

And there’s only two ways to go through  a door,

Then, is earth up or down?

And, where is down town?

These are questions we need to explore!

 
A was that is an is

Tried to mind my biz

But I sent it packing,

Its presence was lacking

And I don’t have time for such shiz!


A couple who lived in Los Lunas

Loved the wide desert sky’s crystal blueness

They’d stare at the air,

Over here, over there

And rejoice at the feeling of newness

 
A cat with a very fat gut

Found it easier to walk on his butt

He’d drag it around

Across carpet and ground

And use it to slam the doors shut

 
Said the Missus to her dear Mr. Otter,

“There’s something I think that you oughta

Do before we get old

To protect us from cold –

You oughta make the hot water hotter!”

 
The ghosts who live up in my attic

Make noises that sound much like static

I’ve tried to send them away,

But they’re here to stay,

Those staticky ghosts in my attic