in the uncoloured tint of another everyday
amongst the spit polished waxed apples
tightly packed in burlap bags
they walked like minded
in their own burly wrap
oblivious to the irony
to their similarity
of the markets round red fruit
unaware of the tragedy
the horror of events yet to come
it will rain metal shrapnel
as human minds grasp
with the purpose of their existence
as in their ignorance
they understand their worth as human bombs
with a belief the heavens will open the gates
with a fanfare and a promised blessing
for their divine act of unquestioned belief
the clay shaped bricks
the black iron metal stairs
the drum sound of engines
then the lull
the pulse of the storm
the rain of death
yet this moment captured
with man and child in hand
the world travels
nothing in the universe
even a hint
even a glimpse
not a clue
that would lead
life in its contradiction
like the proverbial apple
Daddy, why did you go away,
Don't you know I wanted you to stay!
Daddy, when you left mom,
Don't you know you left me too.
Now all I do is cry and cry
--- I want to die!
Daddy, mommy say's it's better this way,
What does she know!
There's not enough band-aids to cover up the blues
Mom's kisses can't heal this kind of pain.
Daddy, I look around
No one stands in your garage
Daddy, You took every tool
Except the hammer and sitting stool
Daddy, I still miss you
--- I love you.
Dear Daddy, I'm all grown up now
Haven't seen you since I was 10
Daddy, I sit on your favorite chair,
No longer do I miss the way you caressed my hair.
Daddy, I'm taking the old hammer and this BRAND NEW saw,
It's time to patch all the holes mom punched in the wall
*The day you walked out on us*
Daddy, don't worry about the times I tripped and fell
Mom, found someone to fix the loose boards,
Got tired of scraping my knees
Daddy, I finally realized I'm okay,
I agree with mom, it's better this way.
Death isn't what you think it is,
At least not when you sit with Death
Death I know. I know because once
I was in the same room with Death
Death isn't horrific, she, he is not a monster,
it was not frightening when I met Death
Death claimed my father when I wasn't there
but she, he waited for me, the night I met Death
Death took the warm breeze from my father's chest
left him cold to the touch I was there next to Death
Death stole my father's voice left him quiet among the roar
of silent tears. I felt the moisture in the room next to Death
Death left with no more then what filled shallow pockets
graciously bowed on the way out, so I bowed to Death
Death I knew walked out empty handed as he does
my father's life still burning in memories, so I bowed to Death
my father's body was dead in that hospital bed
but I couldn't help kiss warm my father's flesh
but I couldn't help speaking to him "I love you Dad"
three years passed since that night
my father is still alive in memories bright
he accomplished so much, touched so many
never a time when I needed my Dad
never once was he not there to help
how could you be sad for a man like that
he lives in my heart sheltered there
even when I am long gone he will live
preserved by my children and then theirs
how could you feel sad for a man like that
Always stood a giant in the largest of crowds
He was loved and admired, he never died
He was just needed somewhere else
Death isn't always what you think. he, she came and left
light as a feather I barely felt the presence of Death
I've met him, when I meet her again
there will be no fear
It isn't always what you think it is.
When I met Death it was gentle as a lamb.
Contest: The Poet III
Sponsor: Gautami Phookan
I hold three magic rocks, in my hand. Rolling them over and over and over. Leaving this
reality behind, far behind I stepped into the magic mirror and there I was back in 1959. It
was the same month, November. I looked around and it was the same as I remember it had
been then. Mom looked so young and beautiful and said, "The school bus will be here in a
few minutes." I looked at the calendar and saw that it was November 25th, the day before
Thanksgiving. I said, "But mom, I haven't been in school in forty years." I got this strange
look from her but she didn't say anything. Walking toward the door I caught a reflection of
myself in the hall mirror. I was so young. My hand immediately went to my face and I
stopped and stared at myself for a few minutes. I said, "Mom, can I stay home and be with
you today?" Again I got that strange look from her, then she smiled and said, "Sure, it's
your last day before Thanksgiving anyway, why not?" She and I sit down and talked for
hours. Then I said, "Do you mind if we go next door and visit with Maw Maw and Paw Paw?
I haven't seen them in so long and I've missed them terribly!" Again another strange look
from mom. Next door I saw Maw Maw and Paw Paw as they had been in 1959. I wept and
they all looked at me so strangely. I hugged them and kissed them all and we talked for
hours. Dad finally came home from work and I ran and hugged him so hard. "Dad why did
you have to leave us in June?" Again I got strange looks from everyone. My tears were
falling. I saw Aunt Frances and Uncle Bill who lived beside Maw Maw and Paw Paw. "I've
missed you both for so long." Strange looks again! They didn't understand because to them,
it was just another day in 1959. The day grew late and I knew my time was soon ending. I
got near the magic mirror and mom and dad were standing there so young and healthy. I
said, "Mom I'll see you on the other side of the mirror, but dad, I'll see you another time,
another place." They didn't understand. I stepped back through and my reflection was as it
had been before. Mom was sitting in her chair at age 84. I said, "Mom, do you remember
the day before Thanksgiving, 1959, when I stayed home from school and we spent the day
together?" She said, "Yes, it was so strange that you could never remember anything about
it. It was as though you had amnesia.
The clearest blue became mottled with age,
and I only recently began to notice.
Time-soaked eyes, foggy mirror to my own,
reflecting a frail wire, just out of reach.
Leading to a skull-shaped cellar,
therein lay the contents, shadows,
wavering in small glimmers of truth.
Reserved but yearning, they call to me.
Whispers carress my lobes;
they are phantoms you have carried.
They ride on waves of joy and anguish,
snapshots of my tiny feet trodding down halls,
chasing cats with remote-control race cars.
Then I tumbled over a carpeted ledge
and bent your office-drawer key.
Maybe you'd suspected those young paws
were much stronger than they looked.
As time sped all around me, your atmosphere grew thin,
and labored breathing stole the spark from your limbs.
When cells began to replicate like narcissists in the West,
your hovel became a war zone, and I, a refugee.
You never caught your breath in the wreckage,
and when a second bout of war came, your lungs gave out.
I watched it happen, at a loss.
I remember your mouth agape, eyes glazed, wide,
as, in your final breath, you ran towards something I could not see.
Now, the battleground you once crawled through
has been cleared of every trace, every tuft of dog hair,
and all the shining documentation to prove you were an artist.
And how you were an artist, having sculpted so much of my
lanky willow limbs, my dense, ferocious heart.
I have a case of survivor's guilt.
I am writing every day a mystery, wading through
my own metaphysical mess, only faintly aware of yours,
the stuff that lingers like shadow people,
darting in and out of my peripheral vision.
I only wish they'd speak to me and
divulge what last you saw, or that I could
re-activate your smart phone and read
the very last text message you sent.
Year of the Acorn
(For my Father who
has Parkinsons &
Out on a winter walk
you solemnly put an
acorn into my hand.
Something in my head
"Keep it safe
and he'll be safe".
I kept it to this
One candle on my
burned into my
mind's eye forever.
You took a
to keep me in the
My sister arrived in
You took me to feed
she greeted us with
I fled, covering my
Mother told me the
facts of life.
You kept well out of
A disco at the end
of a long, quiet
You always drove me
safely there and
You were judge and
of all boyfriends.
Year twenty three.
You gave me away
to the best
boyfriend of all.
A montage of eras
replay in the bright
lens of memory
till the year of the
and the acorn.
And I kept it safe
so you'd be safe,
only now it looks
cracked and old;
not quite like an
and you are not
quite like you.
One of my earliest remembrances in this place; life
Was when I was about three or four years of age
The fear overcoming my heart thinking if ever
I were to be seperated from or lose, my father ?
Within my minds eye I see a small child in spirit
Walking hand and hand with their own beautiful
Father amid heaven turning back to smile; John
There he goes, my dad and myself left sorting....
About this flesh; bittersweet, tides through time
Which touch every life yet in faith I know that all
Shall one day be well; as I wave and into the light
Their beauty's go rejoicing a soul; wiping love's tear.
...."John Harrison Sadberry ˜ March 26th, 1939 ˜ Beauty ˜ To,
December 19th, 2012, &, 'Forevermore ˜ I Love You Dad!'".... *
He was always so happy
strong and bold.
He'd give you the shirt off of his back.
He had a rough life
growing up through the depression,
but like he always does,
he got through it.
He has two boys, of whom he is so proud.
Moved from Regina, to Victoria.
He had the best life anyone his age could have wanted.
But ever since his wife died,
he has not been the same.
But like he has always done,
he got through it.
just a little forgetful.
That's how it always starts out...
But like always, he powered through it,
He is not the same person that I used to know.
He been sentenced to the prison in his own mind.
Possessed by the thoughts of his dogs ashes.
He likes to play the blame game,
but we know he doesn't remember that it was him.
He wakes up in the night
shaking with pain,
tears streaming down his face.
There is nothing we can do,
Two more tylenol.
Hold on to hope
for as long as you can,
It's only a matter of time now.
He gets vocal, a very loud tone.
He'll block you in your room
and make false accusations
But we know that it's the pain induced monster in him.
Tick tock, tick tock...
You can't handle the stress anymore
you have to leave.
Just hope for the best,
maybe it will get better.
Surprise, it doesn't.
Your denial is foolish, everyone knows
what happens next.
All results of
Daddy wanted to fly
while growing up in the thirties
watching daredevil barnstorming pilots
in two seat bi-planes with wing walkers
facing down the wind
Daddy wanted to fly
when he cut holes in a bed sheet for his hands
Laced ribbon to tie around his neck
Sewed on a few rows of chicken feathers
and jumped off the barn
His mother wore out a hickory switch
on his backside But
Daddy wanted to fly
WWII gave him an opportunity
He winged his way over the water to Europe
and learned to maintain his beloved planes
He watched single engine British Spitfires
American Mustangs and Thunderbolts
vanish into the horizon in search of enemy aircraft
Daddy wanted to fly
as passenger planes grew in size and scope
moving more people in shorter amounts of time
His family also expanded as children were born
so he took to the rivers instead of the skies
working on barges And contented himself
watching Piper crop dusters fly low
over fertile fields running alongside the water
Daddy wanted to fly
but time rushed past
His heart gave out
And Daddy finally got his wings
This is a poem about the future I'd love to have with the boy of my dreams.
None of this has actually happened yet (besides us falling in love with eachother) but it's how I would like it to happen.
Once upon a time, I became the luckiest girl in the world. I fell in love with a gorgeous boy with blue eyes, and he actually loved me back. He was like my prince, he treated me like his princess and would do anything for me. Today, we're united as King and Queen. It's been years, but walking down the aisle I'm still staring at the cutest, most perfect guy I've ever seen. When our lips finally meet after parting to say "I do", it tastes like Heaven.
Once upon a time, I married a gorgeous boy with blue eyes. And today, I saw those perfect blue eyes light up when he first held our little girl in his arms. She's got her Daddy's blue eyes and just a little bit of her Momma's brown hair. She's going to be spoiled and loved more than possible. She'll know we support her no matter what, and she can tell us everything. It will be perfect.
Once upon a time, one set of blue eyes became two, and we were made into a family. Now, that second pair of blue eyes is walking out the door to college, with a suitcase in one hand and a boy's hand in the other. He better love her and treat her just as well as her Daddy does.
Once upon a time, I fell in love with a gorgeous boy with blue eyes. His hair has dulled and grayed but his eyes are the same, and they've seen a lifetime's worth of happiness and love. My baby had babies with the boy she walked out the door with, and I can tell she loves them as much as we loved her. Now it's her time to live.
How can i describe you?
A friend of mine describes his parents as
Another said they are
One who never wanted to hurt hers
told me hers are
Distant and lonely
I met one who spoke in my ears
That his mom is silly
And his dad a drunkard
Others call them
evil, sinister, diabolical,
Though most choose to say it softly
kind, giving, hardworking but unapproachable
But how can I describe you,
Mom and dad?
Saying you are loving and caring
Its an understatement
How can i describe you?
You teach me right from wrong,
You encourage and support me ,
You laugh with me and wipe my tears away,
when i cry
Yes you are honest,
You are wise,
You are respectful,
You are intelligent,
You are a blessing,
So warm, tolerant but patient,
But that doesn't satisfy it all
You're the reason why I'm so strong,
Because you inspire
You are the reason why am smart
Because you nurture
You are the reason why i believe
Because you faith-filled
When I need you, you're always there
I hate defeat because you taught me victory
I have a confession to make
When it comes to describe who you are to me
I am just speechless
Dedicated to my dad and mom James and Cinda Carter
Like with every relationship, they have had their highs and lows
But no one can rule out that its the best couple i know so far
They love God, they love each other and them love me
Sponsor: Poet Destroyer A
Contest: A poem you have not entered in a contest
Poet: Rodgers Roger Carter
Time: 12:00:00 AM
You irritate me.
You touched your daughter.
Actually, you touch not just yours,
You sick and twisted man.
You try your hardest to get it in
But she knows better than to let you.
You detest what a father should be
and act like nothing happens after.
All this, you see, will just past away
is what you say.
But no, Memories last through time.
Who could forget what you did?
You sick and twisted man.
But one thing irritates me the most,
how this has affected her soul,
how this affected her outlook on life.
how this has been embedded in her,
making her feel like a computer with a virus.
You sick and twisted man.
I want to do bad things to you,
like kill you,
or banish you to hell.
But, I have been taught “we also forgive us who sins against us”.
So I forgive you, and love on you as if you are me.
it is written “Love your neighbor as yourself”
and I will.
You lost and forgiven man.
Can you imagine how it would be?
I remember when I was young.
To dream and wonder what I'd become.
The girls that I liked.
Holiday happiness with joy and delight.
My future in front of me is all I could see.
Can you imagine how it would be?
All the things, I could not wait for.
To be 16, there was nothing I wanted more.
To learn to drive and be my own man.
The time passed so slowly, I could not understand.
It seemed to me that fate was being too mean.
Can you imagine how it would be?
All the things I could do when I turned 21.
I wished for that everyday, I wanted to be on my own.
Having fun and going to the bar.
Being on my own and it seemed so far.
On to college to earn my degree.
Can you imagine how it would be?
Finding a girl so sweet and in Love.
My emotion is high and I'm in search of.
What to do now, I just don't know.
I love her so much, I want to be her hero.
Then comes marriage and our baby you see.
Can you imagine how it would be?
Watching my children grow as they do.
Life has changed and more bills come due.
I've grown up and now have more responsibility.
Life isn't bad at all, just a different party.
Kids move on and far away from me.
Can you imagine how it would be?
I've taught kid all that I can.
Now I can watch my kid become a man.
The days grow longer and the nights are hard.
I can spend my days working in my yard.
Life seems so short and not lonely.
Can you imagine how it would be?
I found happiness in all of my life.
Not just my kid or my loving wife.
With all my work throughout the years.
Through all the good times and the tears.
The most important thing was my family.
Can you imagine how it would be?
I open my eyes to see the bright sky.
My dream has ended and I know just why.
Today is my birthday and I am ten.
It's all a dream thinking back then.
My future is in front of me and that's what I see.
Can you imagine how it would be?
The evening star glowing in a dust choked sky.
A girl stands by a window, with a tear in her eye.
She stares at the scene, hardly visible through the grime.
She whispers in the wind, “Bring my Dad home this time”
She opens the window, and climbs outside,
Having a flashlight, in her hand, as her guide.
Its glow shows the sides of the street.
She’s afraid for what the light will meet
Bodies piled everywhere she turns,
She wants to go home, and never return.
What brought this fate upon her town?
All her emotions are stripped and torn down.
A frightening sound explodes in her ear.
Shadows in the road now appear.
She run and hides behind a broken wall
Praying to god the rest doesn’t fall.
Footsteps coming closer to her
She can’t tell who because it’s all a blur
She backs away further so not to be seen in light,
Quieting her heart pounding from fright.
Gun shots and screams fill the air,
All these sounds, her ears couldn’t bear.
A slight whimper slips from her lips,
And over the broken stone she trips.
The shadows run closer, showering her heart with fear,
She wishes they would just disappear.
They pass by her; she fills with delight,
She just wants to see her dad tonight.
She shines the light, to show her place,
And to the shine comes a familiar face.
She doesn’t understand who’s to blame
Because on the tag shows her father’s name.
She holds in her tears and refrains from crying.
She falls to the ground where her dad was lying.
She lifts his arm and buries her face in his chest.
She closes her eyes wanting to forget the rest.
The shadows emerge yet she doesn’t see,
How close the end for her would be.
They look down at her, aim, shoot, and fire.
Being with her dad is her only desire.
The night had ended causing a little girl harm
But she took her last breath, in her father’s arms.
I recall . . .
Dad's work shed to this day
The scent of wood and dust in the air
Cobwebs in corners and crooks
Sun flooding in through windows
His scarred and scored wooden work table
And the countless tin cans of nails and screws
And Dad working on a new plan
His coffee cup forgotten and ignored
And I would bring him flowers
Precious dandelions, buttercups and daisies
Which he would place in a dirty container of some sort
Smiling, he would lift me up to sit beside him
We would ponder his scribbled sketches
O, the grand ideas he had
I still have those doodles and outlines
And the lazy afternoon would pass
For me and Dad
And later we would sit on the rusty porch swing
Side by side, just swinging
And I would hold his hand so tight
Like I never wanted to let it go
But, God had a plan
Written in the book of destiny
And who am I
To question what is written by God
So, I had to let go
But today, I sure am missing Dad
April 14, 2013
Placed First in Poet Destroyers Surprize Contest, 2013
Submitted to #1 Poems Only Contest
Dad I wish I could make the hurt go away.
I wish I could tell you it will be ok.
It breaks my heart when I see you now,
So weak and vulnerable is not who you are.
When you look in the mirror you question everything you see,
No longer do you look like dad to me.
Your perfect smile is now in disarray
Your hearing is slowly starting to fade away.
The weight loss is starting to show.
With eyes of loneliness and hurt
I have only seen you cry once before
Nothing prepared me for what I saw.
When you broke down by the car,
Your witty zip has left your vessel,
Your light is slowly burning out.
I am sorry for all I did growing up.
I know you just wanted the best.
I wonder now if I pushed you away,
To a place where we are today.
As a child you are blinded by the world
I never realized God’s love.
Please don’t be afraid take God’s hand
He will help you win the fight.
He will show you the love you need to survive.
He will protect you through the night.
Mind wandering through misty woods.
You don't understand your purpose.
I knew you too little,
Please do not shed your salty emotions,
Not out of anger, not out of sadness.
You now lose your way so easily,
You sink, you burst, you burn inwardly.
You weep from frustrations,
From the guilt of an honest smile,
From pains, that you forget for a moment,
That come swiftly back to haunt you of your loss.
I understand, dear friend.
You once had a light and the woods seek to snuff it out.
Do not fear, dear friend,
Friend follow me, as I once did you.
Friend, now you see?
Yes, you see,
The little wisps in the fog that guide us home."
~In memory of Bill Hamman, and all else who have suffered the pains of Alzheimer's
Dad, I never doubted anything you ever said.
You had been my constant source for
information and authority from my earliest
memories. So I believed you every time
you called my worthless. You said I'd never
amount to anything. Said my love of lyrics
was a ticket to the welfare line. For years
I bought every word you pitched on me.
Then I met her.. She was beautiful and
transparent. Her life was one authentic
walk. I wrote her one of my worthless
love songs. She cried and said it was the
most amazing thing she had ever read. In
a moment, that moment. I changed. I
stopped believing your lies and began to
trust myself. Nothing has been the same since.
I married that beautiful girl, made a career
out of lyrics, and forgave you. If I live to be
a hundred, I will never forget that moment!
This moment is what it is because of that moment...
Contest: Linda's "In The Moment"
The signs started in December
When she started waking up in tears each night
She was a normal girl with dark brown hair and darker brown eyes
She had plenty of friends and a loving family with just one thing missing
Days passed by and turned into weeks but only felt like a few seconds
Her life just whizzed by faster and faster until it was just a whirr in front of her eyes
Darkness filtered into her heart and mind until she didn't know if she could go on
But she had to. She couldn't let her mother and her sister drown in this same pain
She wouldn't let them.
She pushed all the darkness into the depths of her own heart
In hopes to save the hearts of the two people she had left
Because what else was there to live for now?
The rest of her world had crashed and her mother and sister was all that was left
She wouldn't let them drown in pain too.
She watched as they started to heal in her loving arms
Their hearts started to lighten up once more
But hers was just as dark as it was before
And growing darker day by day
But she wouldn't let that stop her.
Suddenly a year had passed... and then two
It only seemed like seconds to her but everyone else started moving on
Her mother and sister no longer needed her nurturing care
But she needed someone to hold on to
With nothing left for her to take control of, the dark pushed past her boundries
It found a way into her soul
Until all she could see was dark and no light
But her mother and sister were healed now
They didn't understand
The tears came back and engulfed her soul
Bit by bit until she wasn't sure why she was still alive
The grief took over like knives
Piercing her skin over and over and over
It hurt so much.
She started to wonder what it'd look like to be dead
She could see him again if she was
Wouldn't it be so much easier than having to endure this pain?
Wouldn't it be so much easier than having to live knowing she'd never see him again?
So she started to hate herself
All that negative energy was starting to take toll
Everyone around her was breathing while she suffocated more and more by the second
She wished she'd just choke already instead of living in constant pain
If no one would put her out of her misery, she'd have to do it herself
She couldn't see any light anymore
So she grabbed the pill bottle off the shelf and just hoped it wouldn't take long to die
Deep down she still had a spark of light, but she just couldn't find it
And now it was too late in her mind to change, to turn back and try to look deeper
She was done living.
That's when people started to notice that everything wasn't as peaceful as it seemed
They started to see how deeply depressed she had become
They wanted to help her see the light again before it was too late
So they sent her away to see doctors and to take pills to make everything better
It was a start.
She didn't see a change at first but suddenly she could think clearly
Maybe what they were doing was actually going to help her see the light again
Yes, she still wanted to die, but maybe that wasn't the only option anymore
They cared, and behind all their own problems they were trying to understand
They really were trying
Six months longer she would be treated and cared for
Until suddenly she was sent home from her treatment and care with a smile on her face
She had a new perspective
Someone had helped her ignite that spark in her heart until it was a glowing ember
She had been reborn
Sometimes you have to be able to experience the worst of it
To come back shining brighter than before
And if she had died that cold day in October, she wouldn't of ever seen the best of it
Or known that it would get better
and it did!
And she now sits at her laptop, with a smile on her face and warmth in her heart
It's never been an easy road and it won't ever be
But at least she knows she's lived through the worst
And it can only get better from here
So whenever she feels lonely or gets back into that dark spot again
She can look back on what she's learned and can read this poem
And remember that she survived the darkest depths of depression
And she will continue to survive it as long as she lives
Because she is stronger now than she ever was before ?
( This is a fictional write)
I was a short skinny seven year old boy growing in a town
Believed in fantasies of scary boogie to jolly old red man.
When dad took to see Santa, was worried about naughty list.
On Christmas Eve I went to bed early full with excitement.
Then heard a strange sound coming from the living room
Saw parents carrying toys placing them under the tree.
Returned to bed and where I silently cried myself to sleep.
As if was not enough heard the voices of parents fighting.
Saw Christmas tree torn, toys scattered and dad leaving.
Felt rejection, loneliness, physical and emotional abuse
It was awful and bitterly engrained still in my memory.
When the troubles come, come not single but in battalion.
Sixth place win in:
Contest: My darkest childhood Memory sponsored by Walayee Whitlock
The Old Salt was a special man who came along in a time
when he was needed most.
A time that is now gone forever.
When men believed and sacrificed, when hero’s walked the earth in mass.
When patriotism was not just a word
by what men lived and judged the worth of each,
a man who lived a life most of us cannot comprehend.
An era now gone as this warriors tour of duty ends at this station,
and begins anew in the heavenly fleet.
Sail on Sailor into your unaccompanied tour,
we salute you.
What greater honor, that when a man moves forward,
he leaves behind in each of us the best of what he was.
A defender, protector, supporter, victor, a warrior,
the last of the breed from an era when ships were made of wood
and men were made of steel.
The Old Salt has reported for duty that takes him away from us for now.
Those of us who remain behind,
remember, and will continue to remember,
because he now resides forever in our hearts.
As I look up at night, I envision The Old Salt,
a beret draped just above the eye,
as he draws upon his pipe,
quietly he waits.
The guardian of heaven’s gate.
Every little girl needs her daddy
to love her with gentlemanly charm.
To hold her tightly when she is afraid and keep her safe from harm.
Daddy have you ever wondered whose holding us now.
From pigtails and bubblegum,
to lipstick and high heels;
Daddy whose going to be their to hold our hand.
To help us mend our broken heart,
teach us that true love is real.
Daddy you never stop to wonder the day
you walked out on mom was the day you abandon us too.
Now as we grow older whose going to teach us to dance in the living room,
Whose going to see us twirl.
Whose going to bid us goodnight
And tell us everything is going to be alright.
Daddy your actions were selfish your desires divide our home
Now daddy you no longer belong to us alone.
You forgot along the way that there is no love that equals that of daddy's Little Girls.
Daddy you once said you prayed
But along the way I think you forgot to ask God
To guard your heart and protect your family from your selfish wayward ways.
The day you married mom
The day you created us
You forgot you made a promise
To stand with us for better for worse
You promise to love us and watch us grow
Dad you failed us
You replaced us for ashes and clay
We were meant to be daddy's little girl's.
The feather beds are a string of mountains near where I live, famous for its raised bog lands, where my father and his brothers cut turf for many years. In spring / summer a wild cotton flower blooms giving the mountains their name.
In youths embrace I walked in mountains,
My father’s steps I tried to follow.
He led the way from town to wilderness
And there it was my soul he freed.
Windswept hills of raised bog and peregrine,
Swooped winds flared the will of the wisp.
Cotton top flowers waved their white clouds,
Beckoning me, to loose myself in awe.
Slain and sod, man and muscle worked as one,
Bright Heather draped the hills a regal hue.
Bracken fronds greened the soil of spring.
Larks and curlew cries hung upon the air.
As my father shushed us to silence and embrace,
His wonderland of peace.
At seasons turn and Bracken colours fade,
Gorse and heather flair their restful hues.
Sheep saunter through with heads bowed,
They slowly leave the mountain once again.
The feather beds dim as clouds dip low and veil.
And silence flees before winter wind and rain
In adults disgrace I left the mountains,
My father’s steps hard to follow.
Still longing to find the way of wilderness
To free my soul once again and be with him.
I remember the day Trixie died,
Sinbad staring out upon her grave.
No crying, just day after day, homage.
I couldn’t stand seeing the pain,
Nothing I did, petting, holding,
Could bring him away from the grave.
So down to the pet store I drove
Hoping for a partner to please
And found a pair of cuddles, babies
Arms wrapped together in play
One black one orange which should it be?
Orange like Sinbad or black?
But how could I take one from another
Leave another hole, so black and orange
Babies two, drew Sinbad back over
To sleep the peaceful sleep of cuddles
Warmth from another, held like a mother
Or held like a father, Sinbad was mine
Once more we could live in happy cheer
Death deserted from our midst
When the wonder of youth appeared.
is all weather umbrella
is what they say...
rain or shine
there to protect
is what they say...
But then don't we
open and close it as per our need
is he a puppet I wonder ...
When torn and rusty
we discard to buy new
is he object with limited validity I wonder...
When Dad needs protection
Kids hestitate to be his umbrella
is dad's not someones son and son others dad I wonder ...
Cycle continues, many a Dad continue to suffer
often at hands of son till he is dead
is dad derivative of dead I wonder...
Many a dad are taken good care of
Sons compassionate as to their own kids
is son derivative of bright sun I wonder ...
By Hitendra Mehta
For June 2012 Poetry Soup Contest
The Joy of a birth, his own shine penetrating his eyes,
The new out born fruit of a long spend love,
Her hands rubbing against her red shiny chin,
Her legs crossed, the beauty that sings till the last breath.
Her thumb in her mouth, blowing, saliva flowing all over,
Her tiny grassy hairs and a sensational smile!
His mind throbbing with a pleasant paternal pain,
Oh, the enduring love!
He curls her onto his lips, the roses of affection,
Fell on her bright cheeks and a spurt of emotions,
Through his blood, that glowed the heavens between
And his two round globes filled by a sea of passion.
“Come to me, my baby, my love, my little daughter….
My sweet little doll,
I will love you till my death…
And I will carve a heavenly doll,
For you to sleep with….My angel…”
The man thus became a father and a true paternal love
Flew through his heart, into the unknown worlds.
The enthusiasm of the youth, and desire for the taste of love,
Her tiny grassy hairs grown long,
The soft fabulous filaments of keratin hanging by her curves,
The dream of a girl, for a handsome prince haunting her nights,
And eventually flourishing into a full blossom shiny daffodil,
Her lips wet, her legs crossed, her red cheeks burning
And the sweats flowing through the blankets.
Oh, the youthful pleasure!
The ghostly love takes her into the world of souls
From there the memories of her father,
Pulling her back, into the past world.
The affection fought heavily with the gods, but, only in vain.
And the gods decided to keep in their beds, the beauty of hers.
Unknown of these realities, he opens the door
And finds his love fallen prey to the love of an unknown.
All his dreams to carve her a heavenly doll to sleep,
Perished only in the mightiest darks of the underworlds.
The life in his soul had gone and the bird shall sing no more…
“Not yet, my love, not yet ….
I haven’t died …my love ….I haven’t”
He fells on his knees and takes her into his arms,
Her head hanging down by his flexed elbow,
Her breast pressing hardly into his heart,
His face bends, lips on her forehead,
And his teethes hurting her pale feathery skin,
Tears of unfinished love dribbling from his spheres, her face wet,
He cries loud with no breath in-between.
THE END©Anees Rahman
She bolts in the house after a hard day at school
Throws her books down and heads to her room
Texting and Snapchat is what the girls do
Not wanting to do chores til she's in a good mood
She hasn't heard mom yelling for her
She wonders what's wrong
and runs down the stairs to check
Mom isn't around but she smells something good
She heads to the kitchen to see what it is
It's dad with an apron and a big ole grin
He came home early to make her a treat
Giant chocolate chip cookies for her to eat
I can act insane
But DO NOT
Make me feel worthless
I belong in God’s family
He will bless my future generation
Don’t punish me for
Being myself –
Don’t envy my glee
I can act like an
Adult, but I’d
Prefer to have joy…
That piles upon us in our
Being childlike is
A rare beauty –
No one prizes it…
No one came across it…
In this lifetime…
I can laugh all day
I can make you smile
If you’d accept my
Childlike dreams of mine
Don’t treat me like a sick swine
Renew my young heart
Give me the ability
To kill the old man…
I have my place in God’s family
He’ll be adored and glorified
We’ll exchange prayers and hugs
By my future generation
I beg of you –
Don’t kill my childlike mentality
I’ll behave myself…
I’m positively sure that I’ll make you happy
I’ll still have pieces of a child in me
And pass it on to my future generation…
I am malleable in God’s hands,
No one can shape me like He can,
He never gives me anything that I can’t handle,
He always knows what He is doing,
No one can compare to Him,
He is the father I never had,
I can truly trust, love, and honor Him,
Because He made me,
He loves me,
And I love Him,
I will never be able to put my heart into someone else’s hands with such trust!
Because He is love!
And I am His.
- Inspired by Jeremiah 18:6
Jeremiah 18:6 NIV
“O house of Israel, can I not do with you as the potter does? declares the Lord.
“Like clay in the hands of potter, so are you in my hand, O house of Israel.
To 3/256 Cherokee Girl
Cute like the fly sun and with paddy curl hairs similar
From those summertime fields blow over her in full swim
And it fits in her small understanding
In front of this Adoptive Indian law
She grows like a lovely calf wondering it should not be.
Upon uplifted petals of her big eyes of half-brown
Indian bloom India Baby Girl a battle of love
And parents’ nightmare is breaking out for months
And the entire globe’s eye could see the idea
Of making a direct pain within her tender heart
And it does not matter you and I shall become
A parent and parching stirs and twist about father’s rights
He does not have it any more.
Flying among twinkly stars in faith
For the 3-year-baby girl the notion but a father’s lack
of Autumn and over the whole prairie shimmering
A compelled of him an Indian loves or ground
To the child he never felt before.
I think of those parental days of affection and love
When the Baby Girl was small and wanted it most;
Standing now in the sea of gestures, you great chief have missed
A cut generation goes by, and your conscience from what that weary buffalo
Love cries it certainly does not exist in your heart anymore.
Let us pray because I am going to take you home
Where you will be safe.
Let goes and come at last to understand
You and I and the prairie Mother
Always we are going to love you.
The pain I put in the ground.
For such a precious thing.
The family enjoys their meal.
They plant their leftover kernels.
And wait for me to tend to them.
An endless cycle in which happiness is born.
21 February 2013
Now I am left alone with tears ~
with all shared may sadness cease
the darkness of loss as fears increase
your heart wants to hold on for hope
losing the one expected never ready
going through acceptance you think
until time stands still and life does cease
Now I am left alone with tears ~
every thought now to late to speak
all you thought you knew you didn't
when death comes swift no real preparation
How long will this hurt one can only wonder
The tears fall hard , the tears fall alone
saying goodbye forever your gone .
More than two years it be since me old dad had to fly. I miss him you know, he was
my best friend. I miss the twinkle in his Scottish,Irish,American eyes, a kind and
caring Gent was he. Times there are when I sit on the porch and talk to him, like he
was there next to me. If anyone was to hear they'd think a loony man I be, guess I
wouldn't disagree. At the the age of three orphaned was he, placed in the
orphanage with two of his four brothers. Cruel treatment he did receive, still had the
scars to witness the abuse they dealt him, undeserved though it be. Never did
break him, stubborn he was, passed down by his anstery, can say the same for me.
Great depression was on, none could afford another mouth to feed. At the age of
fourteen put out on the street , all because he refused to stay with a farmer who
wouldn't let him finish school. All the man wanted was for dad to be his tool. A little
help from a friend and some kindly Gents, a sleeping room he did get. Worked three
jobs finished high school, I told you stubborn he be. Old Uncle Sam drafted him then,
a soldier they needed him to be. Only five nine one hundred thirty five he was
soakin wet. Balck hair, hazel eyes, a fine looking lad was he. Thirty cal. machine
gunner he was assigned, to everyone's surprise. Little man was he, but the heart of
a lion he did have. From the shores of France to Berlin he did fight. Bronze star for
valor, Holocaust memorial award, battle for Atlantic,European theater,Seinne river
crossing, Rhine river crossing, battle of the buldge, army of occupation, all these
medals he did receive. I know if they'd asked him do you want to fight a war? No
thanks he would have said, for a peaceful man I be. The day they placed him in the
ground, amist his World War II brothers, the sky was crying, and so was I. Taps for
him they did blow, gun salute. Folded the flag and gave it to my mom, in her eyes I
could see that her world had come to an end. Such pain in my heart, I just wanted to and flee. Instead I stubbornly stood there, to honor the memory of my dad.
In Loving memory of my dad: W. Jack Ross : 1924-2009: I still miss him.
If I were a boy, even just in a dream.
I'll give my girl flowers everyday.
I'd let her know how much she's loved
and assure no tears fall from her eyes.
If I were a boy one day I wake up,
I'll kiss her eyes 'til she drops.
I'll lay her down in a bed of roses.
I'll carry her 'til we reach the heaven's door.
If I were a boy even for an hour.
I'll tell her exactly who I am.
I will not cave in the shadow of my past.
I'll give her the happiness that lasts.
If I were a boy,
I'd keep the love on fire.
I'll respect my mom, sisters, and wife.
I'll be my kid's greatest model dad.
If I were a boy,
I would be a real man.
Who knows exactly what makes a man,
who can't be moved by other woman.
You didn't smile!
You were trembled, and tired
And.. feverish, you were!
Your eyebrows arched
And your lips tight
And I didn't smile..
You were anxious,
you swallow the fear
For the fear on me
While, I was growing up!
Aah my little heart..
If you were a herb for his cure..
I would surpassed my heart
Before the death, block your
Eyes from me..!
It’s been 5 years since I’ve seen my daddy and he’s going to be here
Here at my 9th birthday party with all my friends and family
I can barely contain the excitement but a little nervous too
So many people waiting for me at the skating rink
All there to celebrate my birthday, everyone there for ME
As I see my daddy I take off running into his arms
And I’m crying and so is he as we embrace each other
We’re both so happy with smiles across our faces
Looking around I see all my friends, their moms and dads
I see my family and for once my mom AND my dad are here too
All waiting for me to blow out my candles and make a wish
But this was my wish to have everyone I love here for me
But then my dad asked to take me to pick out my presents
My mom said no and they both started to yell in front of everyone
Everyone watching and staring at them argue
As I sat in a corner crying because all my dad wanted
Was to take his little girl to get what her heart desired
Mommy whisked me away and daddy never got the chance to say goodbye
Mommy fought to get me in the car as I stared out the back window crying
Wishing I had made that wish when I blew out my candles
You were always honest
unfortunately it didn't extend to yourself
Regal persona was never exceeded by your accomplishments
If only you were as important as you thought others thought you were
Some bring joy when they enter a room
no one would ever accuse you of that
Leaving was always the best gift you could offer
Being you could not have been easy
No friends to speak of
maybe not even him
I think he froze in your shadow
He has begun to thaw in your absence
Strangely I miss you
Not entirely sure why
Do I in some weird way owe you for my success?
Without you I would not have been born
You are gone
Certainly not forgotten
The scars are my reminder
A multitude of memories mark my soul
Not your typical father son fare
Norman Rockwell wouldn't paint our picture
I wish I could remember happier times
some wishes don't come true
Eventually our nightmare came to an end
You gave us the gift of leaving
Am I evil for being Thankful?
You died alone
Should I have flown to be by your side?
Somehow it seems fitting you parted in this way
If I had come I may not have been able to hide my relief
Now we both have rest
Scars Left Behind Contest
By: Richard Lamoureux
When she was 8,
You howled at the moon,
and caught the attention of the men in blue.
You steered across the line,
You argued, You spat
until the night sky faded into dawn,
and they deemed you worthy
of wandering home.
But in those hours of darkness,
she sat with an empty space on the blanket
looking up at the stars as fireworks
burst around her and
asked why you weren't there.
When she was 17,
You howled at the moon.
It was late and you had learned,
So you hung your head out the window
while the rain stung against your skin.
You taunted a cop,
You laughed, you puked,
As she fearfully drove you home.
In tears, she declared that she
could not leave you there alone.
You were her dad.
She stayed. She watched.
She wanted to be there...for you.
When she was 19,
You bought her some beer.
It was late. There were friends.
You felt like a kid again, partying with the crowd,
And you were a hit, the provider, the crazy one.
They rallied around as you slurred your words.
You laughed. They laughed. She laughed.
This was the way to have fun.
You explained that this was not
her first rodeo.
She was going to do what she was going to do
and you were going to be along at her side
As she howled at the moon.
When she was 23,
she howled at the moon.
Her skirt was short. Her top was low.
She danced. She drank.
And so did you.
You were guiding her, you said.
It was just good ol' fun.
Except it wasn't fun
when they pulled her out
of the mangled steel
and covered her face and shook their heads,
And now you howl at the moon,
deeply, sorrowfully, howl at the moon.
A full moon night
to my delight
what is so wrong
with doing what's right
nothing is right
after so long
no use in complaining
time to move on
The Dream Water one day
might take me away
farther from the comfort
I float on my back
then shut my eyes
my body now sinking
into ocean arms open wide
Now swallow your son
back to his nature
when he is no longer
needed to stay here
the next generation
are dooming themselves
they need my experience
to guide them through hell
Why should I bother
on my own, I strive through
I turn my back on the thought
of bothering to save you
alone in this world
my, is it spacious
I'm finally smiling,
never so gracious.
Published by Poetry Explosion of PA
In Loving Memory of my Dad, Peter J. Mariotti
He left this world on May 9, 2011. I miss him so.
50 Years-Korean War
Dad, you were one of the foot soldiers,
When the Korean War began,
You were among the many to fight
In this foreign land,
You went bravely into battle,
Because our country told you to go,
You didn’t ask any questions
You just went to fight the foe,
North Korea was Communist,
South Korea was not,
The country had been split
After World War II,
Now American boys were fighting
On Korean soil,
The South Koreans needed help from
The Red, White and Blue
Dad, you were a hero,
You served our country well,
Now after 50 years
You finally were able to tell,
The story of your war
And the misery you saw,
The Korean War had been forgotten
But now at long last,
It will be remembered,
As an important part of our past.
Celine Rose Mariotti
Every day is Father's Day
Dad grew old and frail in natural order we fear
War and age created gaps in time, holes in reason
Added to detraction's on his decline
Generations formed coalitions without permission
Things come into existence for a time
We are the children by him and by his side
Who grew, arms and legs, solid foundations
Creation, with other supports, sometimes failed
We grew our own gaps, holes in reason, ways to end
By digging in the wrong direction
Then, hung with vigilance, understanding, change
Clinging to hope like virgins in May
Waiting for what may come our way
Dad survives purely on love in poor health
Between you and me, he feels the power
We are his children, his pillars of support
No matter what the pain or cost
Old, collapsed, an ancient structure
Falling our way one last time
We catch and hold him up in honor
As pillars on either side to do just that
I was in a big world
wherein there's a crowd in every place
I can go on my own
yet, I go to the repeated phase
There are two most important face
that might makes my life's craze
I might see them as a King and a Queen
in a home where they conquer
It's hard to set aside their commands and demands
even if it is too much, their authority is a must
whether I cooperate or disobey their remarks
they're still around, somewhere, to still keep in touch
so even if those Christian people
keep on telling humanities
about how God created everything
I will always owe my life to my King and Queen,
to my dearest parents.
I'm not wearing underwear
I can’t afford to clean my clothes
I shower every day
and sensitive skin from soap and psoriasis makes me itch
But I have bills to pay
I know you understand
Raising my little half brother and half sister
I've only met once
who are an ocean away
But this isn’t my story, it's yours
and the memories that remain
I know we've talked about it
Your pain and mine
About dad an alcoholic, and the abuse
and how you’re still attracted to it
But I still remember soo many nights
And soo many strange days
You dragged by your hair
I'll never forget
You thrown through the door
is embedded in my head
You with black eyes
you fell out of bed
I remember everything said
My brother’s name
Psychological abuse for you
soo long ago mom
You left and I don’t blame you
Years of you being cheated on
And dad would introduce us to his girlfriends
Easter holidays treasure hunt
While your husband was out betraying everyone
I know you know
That he talks poorly about you
And acts like the better man
But mom I remember
and you need to understand
What you went through
And the nights when I heard the door slam close
because you were fighting
and he told you to leave
That was how I met god in a sense
and always prayed for you to come back
Then finally I prayed for you sanity safety and for you to leave
And I would cry
as quietly as I could
cry myself to sleep
and chances are
dad either fell asleep
or went out in his drunken stupor
to cheat on you again
The divorce is over
It’s been over for years
But yet its still messy and I bite my tongue and remember
The night you came into my room
And told me you had to leave
I remember taking beer to kindergarten
Hiding it from you and dad
To throw it away
And my teacher in grade three finally asked
No lie mom
I had the same teacher in kindergarten and grade three
I could write an entire poem
about all of the people who shaped my mind
But I need you to see
When I come visit and am called an incest family man by your boyfriend
for giving you a hug
You’ve fallen into the same trap
And it’s like my own mother I’m not allowed to love
I knew that you had cancer
What I didn’t know was how much it would hurt
When I would finally have to let you go
I watched you my childhood hero as you slowly disappeared from me
All that love you gave me would have to last me a whole life through
Every last breath matched every moment and every last caress
Matched another last goodbye
As you crossed yet another mile closer further away from me and the door…
What you didn’t hear were my most fervent prayers out there
In the heart of a forest gusset, I came to terms with you dying
The way I begged and pleaded for this bitter cup to pass me by
You will never know
It was a mellow month, Mary’s precious month of May
No time more appropriate for you than when the Rose pushed up gay
I rolled another crystal bead and muttered another Hail Mary
The birds were singing in the trees, a melody you never heard
Cause you were in the palliative care unit getting ready for the sky
It was then that the windows of my soul shook, oh Dad,
I’m glad you couldn’t hear me sob, like a baby, yes I did,
And Ben E King crooned in my ear “STAND BY ME”
There was no percussion no music or fanfare
You left this world without harsh words
And your gentle voice stayed inside of me
Today I recall every lesson, every smile,
The way your shoulder stooped before it picked me up
The way my head fit on your chest,
I love you Dad, today more than yesterday,
And that love, will never fade or go away.
Your Loving Daughter: Vienna
2015-01-19 Not for the contest:
Read more at: http://www.poetrysoup.com/poem/stand_by_me_634596
You torture me every day
With your words
You leave me in agonizing pain
What did I do WRONG?
Do I really deserve your cruel words?
You said things to me
That no parent should ever say to their child
That I wouldn’t say to even my enemy
Why do you bully?
Does it make you feel cool
To make me feel like a loser?
Does it make you feel ten feet tall
To make me feel like I’m only ten inches?
You have no power
Unless I give it to you
But I do
Afraid of you
19 Girls chasing a ball:
Dirty shins, sweaty bodies, bouncing ponytails.
Grass stains galore,
I stand: panting, watching.
Never fast enough for this hunt.
For my father, I must stay.
For my father, I bloody my porcelin knees.
A spotted rocket flies my direction.
Maybe there is hope for me.
Our Ancestors fought to the death,
Just so we can live a brighter day,
So before you light up that blunt of meth,
Think about what you’re giving away,
It was a glad day in history when Obama rose to victory,
The first black president was all we knew,
Dark skin is in!
Haven’t you heard?
That even in our community,
You can get burned,
It’s a sad day when people would rather stay home and “Crank That Amber Cole”,
Than get up and run to a poll,
In our community,
Rockin’ Luis V is better than having a college degree,
And teen pregnancy is not only a trend,
But the single motherhood that follows should end,
Young girls learn of a wonderful prince to take them away,
Nothing should change thought their mothers prince didn’t stay,
And as the tears fade away,
She grows stronger every day,
In our community,
Fighting is no longer a word,
You argue with someone and shots are heard,
Girls showing places the sun don’t show,
So how do they expect the community to grow?
Where love is a figment of imagination,
Making a young child question her creation,
Young mothers would rather buy the iPhone 5,
Then satisfy her baby’s cries,
While her new man’s eye,
Wander up another girl’s thighs,
In our community,
Where #team dark skin vs #team light skin,
Makes others not love the skin they’re in,
Love, lust, hate, and trust,
Giving a rose on Valentine’s Day is no longer a must,
Where bad is good and good is bad,
Who would think to see their grandmother sad?
Her hurt and pain,
Shows how our community has lost everything her parents fought to gain.
Dad was puttering around today
Playing with me
God we haven’t played in years
You know, Dad’s eighty now
I remember how he looked in photos at twenty
I remember the twinkle in his eyes
at my sons two year old birthday party.
We played computer, you see Dad it can do this LOOK
LOOK here it does this too!
I did so like kissing the top of his bald head.
So good to see that old comb-over long gone now
So good to smell the MY Dad smell of clean clothes and soap.
Your files need to be organized Dad.
You have them all glommed up in with the general documents files.
Know wonder you can’t find them, all the love poems to his dear heart Ruth.
I wonder if he remembers my wedding day.
He was so handsome in his tux that day.
I remember his smile then as he watched me
walk the white carpet in the garden by the mill pond.
Joy, now is that any name to call a dog [oops SHE doesn’t know she’s a dog!]
The dust mop of a pooch barked indignantly as, I took her Daddies attention from
Had a dog once, Babe was her name, she was a huge sheepdog, we lost
our Babe when I lost my Dad for a long time, BUT he's been back along while too
Dad was sharing with me and I so loved it. Me, of course being his first girl,
sharing with me, his love and happiness with his last girl OUR Ruth.
My heritage is a mixture
Of backgrounds. Let's start on
My Dad's side of the family.
My Dad's mom is Irish and English.
My Dad's dad is Irish and German.
My Mom's mom is Scottish and Irish.
My Mom's dad is blood Hungarian.
So in other words,
I'm a mutt! or as others say,
I regret many things in my life.
Not been able to spend more time with my wife the love of my life.
I regret not been able to stay close to my mom and my dad, they were
All I had, my childhood memory, that yellow truck my dad got me.
How wonderful life is when you are young, when you try to reach up to the sky.
Everything seems so tall that was my challenge to grow old.
I regret not been there when my dad died. He loved me the most out of us nine!
I took care of him, helped him when he was weak, he used to tell me I don’t want to die I can’t leave. You are still young; I said: “hey are you serious dad”? “I have three kids!...I'm 53"
But I know he was too soft. He hated the thought of dying, he loved been with us just to make sure we're ok.
I regret when my mom died. She still bring tears to my eyes, my heart still bleeds
At the memory of her smile. When I need a back scratch she had the roughest hands
House work and cooking that she didn’t mind at all. I loved her all my life and when she got very sick she became like a child. Talking about why she can’t see in color any more?
It’s difficult to explain to a sick person especially your mom, you breakdown before you even start to tell her.
I regret when my wife fell sick with the big C, I questioned every little thing, to me I was always right in doing the right thing. How and why kept popping up every time I wondered
This thing happened too fast, it took me by surprise.
I blamed myself for not listening, when she complained about her agonizing pain, I thought it was just the same.
I regret many things in my life.
I thought If I can get a second chance, I would change it all again!
All these years at home, me and my momma alone
Daddy on the run, headed for the sun, he must of been..
Because I obviously wasn't his sunshine
Growing up wishing you were there when I had something to say
But now it's on pause, just like I am to write this
There's no more fightin' it, I hate you daddy
And I love writing it
All the love and hate will come out, I'll be spittin' **** you
And failure out of my mouth. And when I stop talkin'
I'll be in a craze, glaring at him
With my hate my hate and rage gaze
I'll kick up my feet, scuff dirt in his face
Tell him I put weed and lines of cocaine in his place
And enjoy the disgrace upon his face
And tell him that it's his fault for tappin' out in the first place
Left alone in this world of demons
Trying to find my halo in this crazy maze
Raising myself, daddy left
And mommas worrying about her ownself
Life ain't always a perfect song, it skips and studders
Fear, something nothing can cover
My will is what I discovered, feelings uncovered
She starts thinking and wonders
Here dad, I'm gonna use brain
Yeah, I'm a smart ass
Seventeen years later
And I'm pouring my heart out, at last
Making it my point, I'm taking off my mask
Getting it off my chest, and laying these demons to rest
But **** me and the way I lived
Playing dirty and not letting my emotions show
Couldn't find mine
So I stole someone else's halo
But used it as a frisbee and chased it to hell
Spittin' cards now with cruela di'ville
And I know you're here too, in this fiery hell
I'll find you
And the corner in which you dwell
And when I find you asshole
You won't be slithering no more
I'll take off you're scales one by one
Make you the one who's coming undone
Scatter your ashes on hells front door
Bye daddy, now I'm the one who's leaving
I'll shut it, make sure I slam it
Throw in a **** you and god damn it
God sure damned us alright
But don't worry, I'll be sleeping tight
Nightmares at night, no more
I found my heart at my core
Leaving this life behind
And one last thing to the guy
Calling himself my ****ing dad
I'm better than you
And bull*****if I'm gonna let you haunt my mind
End of rhyme, I'm the one
Peacin' out this time.
Did I tell you I love you?
Well, I do.
Daddy loved you too.
I miss him too Mom.
But this man,
Is not Daddy
And can never replace him.
I know your're lonely,
But Mama he hurts you.
How can you love someone that hurts you?
You cover your bruises with long sleeves and makeup.
You smile in public even though you cry at home.
He comes home from the bar,
And all he does is yell at you.
All he does is yell
And then he hits you,
For no reason.
Mama why do you stay?
Mama your lip,
It's bleeding again.
Come on Mama,
Let's go home.
Our real home,
Where we lived with Daddy.
He'll never find us there,
Daddy will protect us.
Come on Mama,
WE're gonna go home.
Underneath a magic moonlit night as 3 shooting stars take flight
twinkling silver blue shimmers , it was the passionate love that night
The moon and stars held a party and sent one of their own
a creation in the making , a star rising from one star fallen
entranced with the magic night and my solider Fitton ~
it was an Angel's decision a gift bestowed one to cherish and hold
Never a doubt in my mind through watching him grow well Fitton ~
Full of creativity and charm , the young women that follow him enchanted
character and wisdom , success driven , as the moon whispered one night
This Son will be one all will know , he will be loved by many .. your gift given
poetry in truth of fate on a magical moon lit night , a story told
Blame it in on the moon , or blame it on love and desire Fitton ~
I know I was chosen by he , Your given Mom and Dad in code ~
For my Son in Film and 1st AD "House of last things " 3rd season of Grimm :)
An earthly existence
A universe beyond my minds, comprehension
Life lessons reviewed
I am not lost, after all!
I am a willing participant
Serving, the Father, of all creation
His son combined, ‘producing life’ as we know it
Representing them, in everything I do
I am nothing, without Love!
My heart full of faith, loyal service I give
Learning how to unconditionally serve, as the Father unconditionally, loves me
Worshipping our Divine Creator’s existence
Choosing to live, moment to moment
Being as one with ‘Our Universal Father’
No physical permanency
My physicality, disappearing
My mortality existence, I let go of
My spirit alive!
‘I am only passing through!’
A unique, experience of mortality
A gift, I am blessed to experience, to live!
Why Are You So Hurt
Can I explain today is a difference day,
But the same old excused.
“Why Are You So Hurt”,
Rudy to in conscience to ,
Just pick up my food I have hard day well.
“Why Are You So Hurt”,
To day you was suppose to pay the bills,
But instead you state in bed in till twelve.
“Why Are You So Hurt”,
It’s our anniversary you forgot to make reservation,
And you don’t even open the door or bring flowers any more.
“Why Are You So Hurt”,
When we first meet it was hard to see through the blur lines,
Or was everything you told me from the start all lies.
“Why Are You So Hurt”,
Mom Why Are So Hurt Cause I Can See IT In Your Eyes,
I Guess I Am The Man Of The House At Such A Young Age,
“Why Are You So Hurt”,
I wonder who can related, young brother young brother no
Matter your race, age ,origin, or creed I consider you my young brother
I’m not a man lacking wood but would like here my story.
Mama’s Boy, Oh Boy!!!
Waiting for you is like waiting for death
I called and asked if you would nurse me
When I fell down and injured by back
Waiting for you is like waiting for my father
I sit by the door with hope in my heart
In my mind you call and say I need you
But the call is never answered
Waiting for you is like waiting for a cure
I treat myself and take my medicine like a good boy
But my arms and hands are too short
Waiting for you is like waiting for god
I listened as some else was abused and abandon
I say that we have a lot in common
But she said let me put my arms around you
Because god has not forgotten about you
dad you were my hero!
the one i wanted to be just like.
everything i did was to make you proud...
you walked out on us...
i know i wasnt a perfect child...
i just wanted to feel love from you
mom always told me that you would be there for me
you were until i disappointed you...
i thought parents were supposed love their children no matter what...
you didnt do that
you always put me down
told me i was such a shame to the family
now that i have grown up
i relieze life is better with out you in it...
and i no longer wanna be just like you
i could never walk out on my kid
you sicken me...
how could you give up the child that you gave your name to...
i understand you have other kids
but to just give up and not have anything to do with one of them
and to not let that kid know his siblings....
i could never do that
no matter how much my kid disappointed me...
i found my hero...
he stepped up even tho he didnt have to...
he treated me like his own...
he was there when i needed a daddy and you werent there...
he was there at my worst....
and he is there at my best...
he will be my best man when i get married...
my kids will know him as grandpa...
they will never know you
cause i cant risk you hurting my kids
the way you hurt me...
the thing that gets me the most is....
how you made it look so easy
did you even think about the lil boy
who carries your name and...
has your blood running in his veins
i dont think you did...
and if you did you are
a heartless piece of crap
even after all you have done to me...
physical, emotional, and mental abuse...
i forgive you...
not for you but for me so i can move on with me life
Attached to mine paw,
As his smile lit the winter's
Cordelia is dead
King,this blood is hers
like red wine soothes your
dad. love is unspoken
the wise king
the wandering madness
in storm, trees crash
Curse the wind
Curse the wind
who loves you the best?
the fool? the clown? the filial death?
do you want so say anything
Cordelia, in your favor?
I curse you Cordelia
I curse you winds
I curse you Goneril
I curse you Regan
I curse the world
"Nothing, my Lord"
East Jesus - Poetry Contest
Sponsor Roy Jerden
Poet: Rajat Kanti Chakrabarty
Composed on 4th December,2014
Why don’t you love me?
The small brown eyed girl asked her father as he beat her at night,
then with a smile in the morning he’d scoop her up in his arms to play.
Why don’t you love me?
The bigger brown eyed girl asked her father as he walked out and
never came back.
Why don’t you love me?
The young brown eyed girl asked her boyfriend of two years,
As he walked out the same door her father did eight years before.
Never to return.
Why didn’t you love me?
The older brown eyed girl asked her father at his funeral.
As she leaned over the edge of his casket and kissed him gently on the forehead,
Tears running down her cheeks.
Why couldn’t you love me?
The oldest brown eyed girl asked as she lays Jasmine’s and roses
On her father’s grave.
Only a row down from her old boyfriend’s,
With love that never dies.
And her question is answered in the wind,
As the answer is whispered in her heart.
How could you love me?
If you couldn’t love yourself?
The phone had us on our feet
In the middle of the night.
It was Dennis, “Dad just passed…”
We each made calls and gathered
So we could go tell Mom together.
Were his organs riddled with cancer?
Was it diabetes, or was it his heart?
They all had played a part.
We carried Mom to see her Beau
Held her by the hand with tissues
For us all and started final plans.
Made calls. Signed papers.
….And looked for Morris.
Maybe he needed privacy.
Everyone has a different way
Of handling their grief.
We found him at the empty bed
Dad’s pillow at his face.
His scent lingered in the linens
Giving one chance to remember
Something we had long forgotten—
Something natural and tender
Links a parent and a child
My dad with his dark hair
Is in his room.
He is touching a Qur’an
And he is reading.
I am watching him
From the door.
I was born a fairy child
I remember being born
from a dark warm place
I was told to leave
and even though I said no
some other one said yes
Forces beyond my control
made it so.
I sat on a beach I remember that
and my mother sat behind
and we waited for ..... I know not what.
but he came and my heart it leapt
as he sat down on the sand.
and made me feel full of him.
I remember pictures in the sand
that he drew for me with a stick,
some things I didn't know,
but that was no matter,
He was there and he talked to me.
and I know that he mattered.
I'm told now he wrote my name
And I saw the sea rub it out.
Then he wasn't round us anymore,
and my memories just not there.
my mother says he once came back
before he went to war,
and I remember a train station
trains puffing steam and dirt
and being told goodbye,
mother says I said goodbye
"goodbye uncle" I'm told I said.
I was a fairy child,
and these are fairy memories
that I'm told I couldn't have.
but they are there,
and more besides
as I grew to fairy size.
We all lined up for the schools big race,
Each boy wanting to show his Dad he was the best,
I had no Dad to run for, I just followed all the rest.
I ran and ran, trying to keep up to stay there with the pack,
If I fell and failed again, each one would turn their back,
On the kid with spec's who dared to run the race,
To show the world he was no disgrace.
No Dad at home and no Mum's love,
In a house that echoed with emptiness,
I needed to run and hope to win, maybe just a place,
Forget the loveless life I had, I just hated the disgrace.
They had a Dad, They had a Mum,
To them that was no big thing,
Just to have a hug and maybe a kiss,
To me meant everything.
To win the race was my big dream, so I tried my very best,
I ran and ran, my lungs on fire, burned hotly in my breast,
I tripped and fell, I hit the ground, in shame for all to see,
When I rose to run, the race was won, by a better boy than me.
I walked away, no pat on the back,
No well done call for me
I tried and failed one more time,
It was nothing new to me.
Years of struggle were to be my lot,
Until I found my wife,
She gave me hope to carry on,
Through many years of strife.
I finally won my race through life and took the trophy home.
The race I ran was hard my friend, and now I know just why,
I had to fall and rise again, just like my Savior did,
He took the scorn and felt the whip in a far worse way than I.
Just think, each time you fall,and life seems hard to bear,
Remember your Father up above, He is always there.
So do your best no matter how hard it may be,
Our Lord will always be at your side to beat the enemy.
So when the day seems hard to face,
To do your best is no disgrace.
God will bless you every day,
He will give you the victory.
Remember this poem when you feel small,
Listen to the Fathers call,
To win the prize you must get up,
Each and every time you fall.
© Dave Timperley 2012
Mom tells me to finish my homework quickly,
When I ask why?, she tells me
“You should become great as great as your dad”.
When I ask, where is my dad Mom?
She tells me, “He is now god’s guest.”
Again when I ask Mom,
“Can I not become great by being the god’s guest”?
She slaps me gently and tells me,
“Now just shut up and get your homework done”.
Little later when I ask she says,
“Your Dad fought like a tiger,
risking his life, he never bothered.
His gun has brought him greatness
and the honour of being the god’s guest.
Again when I ask,
“Do people become great when they fight”?
If so, I will beat in the school,
My friend Philip, with my might.”
Now, Mom calls me stupid and gives me a push.
Crying I go to sleep in her lap,
Now she says, “Tomorrow I will
give you pocket money for ice-cream”.
Wiping my eyes when I ask,
Mom! ”Can I by saving pocket money,
try greatness buy”?
Tell Mom, “From where shall I greatness buy”?
She tells, “Oh god help me”
and begins to cry.
A deep sleep guided me to the land of quizzical
Where the hallucination acted immortal as the souls from delusional
Those who ever filled the classic story of our time
Declared their presence in the shackles of uncertainty
I embraced my desire within
I found my anguish bloomed betwixt
I sank into the soul of crisis
Sensing the seconds of my fragility
Those lifeless souls grasp me there
Grasp depth as they would never be seen, again
A moment I was awakened from the dream
Along with the shadow which deserted to be fade
And the sense still there.. obscure...
My longing which buried by despair
Melting as the tears fell down
And let the dots of my dream be a dwelling place for my stained soul
And let those retentions sealed in every pieces of the journey
For the deceased beloved Father (November 13, 2002)
For the deceased beloved Sister (February 27, 2011)
Tears fall on the photo as memories come flooding back
Head full of questions I couldn’t ask
Me as a little baby trying to hug you, but you wouldn’t grasp
A hold of me so I ran
I’ll make it without you to show I can
I’m better without you I know I am
I used to wonder if it was something I did
But if you weren’t ready to be a dad why did you have a kid?
You put me in care at age 3 how is that something I can forgive?
As I write this tears fall on the page
It’s blurring the words, I can barely read what I wanted to say
Where have I gone wrong?
But it was all the alcohol you were drinking back
Was I the product of a bottle of vodka and cheap condom?
Heart full of pain, anger in my head
How do I miss you? It feels no different even though you’re dead
Am I meant to lie and pretend you were the greatest dad?
Am I not allowed to be mad?
You never even sent a card on my birthday
You should have been there to give me advice for my first date
Please don’t mind my tears
Got to see you six times a year
You turned up drunk out of your face
Had to go back to the children’s home with another heart-break
That I had to deal with alone
You couldn’t even pick up the phone
And say you were missing me
I know its stupid wishing you acted differently
You’re no longer here so can’t take it back
I need to move on, struggling to erase the past
Breaking down with my pad
Should a boy have to chase the love of his dad?
Do I bottle things up because you preferred a bottle?
You should have been my role model
Instead I idolised Cristiano Ronaldo and Marshall Mathers
You let me down constantly and I acted like it never mattered
Hot headed and quick tempered
Family never cared is it any wonder sometimes I’m self-centred?
If I needed somewhere to stay you couldn’t say “son I have a bed for you”
Mum said she wished I was dead instead of you
But we were never close so it didn’t really affect me
After all I’m used to having the two of you reject me
You never gave me a hug
All I ever wanted was your love
Doing all I can to make sure I never fail
A lot of kids want to be like their father
But I won’t be an alcoholic in jail
When I have kids I’ll make sure they have everything I never had
I hope you’re resting in peace but I’m better off without you dad
This is what I remember
something sits on my brain
a heavy pile of memories maybe
freshly brewed strong coffee
mingling with last night's bouillon
the clangs of covers permeating the stillness
wools of sleep tangle the brows in obscure shadows
nothing seems to belong to the past anymore
like the yellow grin of tobacco and warm old arms, reaching
could it be that the youth in you disappeared into me when we embraced?
you know what i mean; laughter flying from your neck
patting my head as I lay, a grown woman on your lap
telling you of things I'd love but cannot seem to bring myself to have
and you smiled, that funny smile, closing your eyes
how drunk I felt laughing with you!
condensing my uncertainties to some foreign 'be well' feeling
and this is what I remember...
dimming lights and pleading eyes
your fingers to my lips gripping into my chest
ah, how I felt deserted then and now,
drowning into losing you
and then you surrendered
just laid there and broke free
while it rained over my heart and all that was, sank
toppled over but never laid to rest
this is what I will not forget
as memories and loneliness swarm the nights of my days
and I yearn for the warmth of you
Bob. He is passive.
He is not aggressive
in any way, shape, or form
When he gets home
all the slights of the day
coalesce into a critical mass
Little Bobby Junior.
He doesn't cry anymore.
He has learned to survive
is away at
My name is Celia,
I am his little sister,
and I bawl like a baby
That is why I am hiding.
Am I under the bed?
No Daddy keep searching.
Look in the closet.
Ha! Fooled you again.
Wherever could I be?
you shouldn't look downstairs.
don't look in the kitchen.
Don't open the Pantry.
Daddy found Me.
Now it is my turn.
I hide my eyes
One, Two, Three, Four
Please, Daddy, can I
have some more?
Five, Six, Seven, Eight
Watch Daddy, I can
bear my fate.
Nine and Ten
Daddy, your bed time stories were the best.
The extra prescision you took while reading a book,
To overcome your struggles and ensure you pronounced each word correctly,
Were the most beautiful sounds.
The way you would sit and practice slowly,
Sometimes repeating words out loud or to yourself,
In efforts meant to bring our sleepy ears an image written down.
They were always the most beautiful words Daddy.
They were the best stories, that I lay in bed,
An adult now, and listen to my memories, where you retell them again.
You stuttered - it mattered not.
No other stories compare.
When I am 90 I will look back and vaguely remember the clothes I wore, the car I drove or the house I lived in. I will reminisce about the places I went, the things I did, and the people I met along the way. My greatest fear is growing old. Not for vanity reasons...I am terrified of looking back and not having anything to show for my life. I will be 29 Tuesday and even just looking back now I only have one good thing that has come from my existence. I want to travel, to gain knowledge and wisdom. I want to be submerged in culture and diversity. I wish only to be open minded and well versed.
When my father passed away almost 5 years ago, there were people in attendance at his service that I had never met before. Everyone celebrating his life because he had affected them in some way thoughout his time here. He was simple, country, no money...all he had was all he needed...his heart and his hands. That is my one true aspiration... I want to be like him. All I have ever wanted was, when the time came, to die knowing that I too had affected change in the life of atleast one person. Knowing that their life was fuller and brighter and even just a little bit easier because I was a part of it. I don't dream of fame and fortune... I dream of being the type of person my father wanted me to be. Compassionate and kind. I want to understand the world and life. I want to make a difference!
Any guy can have a child
But it takes a real man to be a father
Any guy can get annoyed
But a real man don't get bothered
Any guy can give money for his kids
But a real man is there for them
Any guy can work all the time
But a real man is takes care of her or him
Any guy can justify his position
But a real man proves his spot
Any guy can get upset with kids
But a real man never gets hot
Any guy can talk whatever
But a real man goes with the transaction
Any guy can buy stuff for their kids
But a real man's love is out of action
So many guys nowadays fall
But real men step up to the call
Uncle Eddie retrieves his groceries.
He is tall and abreast to his lineage.
He honors family and all his people through his insight
as well as his intelligence.
Not blind or blindsided from who seeks his temple,
eventually, the pilfer will fail.
Uncle Eddie is not one to cozen with.
His feet are afflicted; nonetheless, he is a strong man.
His soul and spirit will be restored.
The thieves are no longer in the temple of God.
How great thou are!
PENNED ON AUGUST 23, 2014!
He is my greatest work
like Christ who said
I come like a beggar.
He came to me like a child
wrapped in newspapers
on my front door step.
I took him into my home
and my life.
In the beginning
everything was new and fun
we played together like he
was a puppy dog
big beautiful brown eyes
and he would get into trouble
but only minor ones.
As he grew his troubles
grew along with him.
Costing me more money and
time and loss of friends and family
who asked “why do you waste our time with him”
sleepless nights and heart pain and more pain
and more pain.
Doubts that I made a big mistakes
why do I think that I am god and
can save him or make myself the latest
For more than 16 years with him.
But one night I had a dream
a pale angel told me that
she needed me.
I was confused and shocked.
Why I am needed
I am only human.
She said that she can not live without me
that she needed someone to believe in her
and have faith in her for her to do her work
Then I thought about him
my life's works has not been
in vain because like the angel and Christ
he needs someone to believe in him until
he can believe in himself
and know that he is also
"Leave no man behind"
That was my first blood
I deserted him and left him on that island
Seventeen years later we found each other
He held no grudge, one he had rights to
But he can't make me loathe myself any less
I left her with a Commander who was insane and cunning
No one knew the true scope until it was too late
Cast aside by the system and my inability... My instability
I may never recover that connection
Not sure I'm of worth
Finally, I found my comrade with one in tow
Even being there every day
I was unavailable, insufficient
And it hurt her in so many ways
Ways that will show in the battles and victories to come
A trial, no need.... Prison, my own warden
I can only hope to witness the coming events passively
I can hope to be invited to join their ranks once again
To be there, even if too late
The world forgets much
I cannot.... Will not.... Must not
I'm still wearing the
red lusted lipstick he hates
as I try to explain that
it's impossible to
wash this disease away.
My father says I'm
a picture of teenage cliches,
mourning puppy love
as if it is something tangible,
him, always one to rip
the band aid from the wound,
quick and with only the
slightest sting of nostalgia.
He wonders why he was cursed
with the mass of emotions
bleeding before him.
"It's later than midnight..." he says,
but they are everywhere,
dampening my hair,
flailing into my mouth
already creasing into
the laugh lines and
fleeting moments of yesterday.
My father wanted the boy,
five years younger and
dead before born
but all he got
frayed heart and torn jeans,
sheet stains from two kinds of
the moist aftermath that I will
swallow in sleep, as the
constant question marks
adorn his face.
Oh ya ,well my mom makes better apple pie
Really,well my mom makes brownies
With peacans and chocolate icing
Thats nothing, my mom sewed me this new sweater from scratch
Well my Dad can fix my bike anytime it breaks,
My Dad sells bikes and got mine for free
My Dad left when i was 3, no bike for me.
She was an Indian Barbie, long curly lash
And brown complexion. The hair was
Perfect, shiny black and she had on a small
Pink gown to cover her 36-24-36 body.
Last seen, she still had on her high heeled shoes.
Oh how my daughter cried, “Dolly, Dolly,
Where are you?” when she found out she left,
It on the basketball court’s grounds. She took
It along, against her mom’s frequent reminders,
When grandpa brought her with him for a walk.
She cried horribly, my wife mailed me. Tears
Rolling down her cheeks even as her mother
Scolds, tears not for the accusatory words
But for her Dolly who is gone. Gone away,
Lost and probably in another child’s hands.
My wife, with a guilt ridden grandpa’s idea,
Told her Dolly wasn’t lost after all. In fact
She was on her dolly way to dad now who
Works onboard a ship, sailing far, far away
So he can buy milk and nappies for small kids.
“Punta sya dun kasi lungkot si Daddy di ba?”
(She went there because Dad is lonely right?)
She asks in between sobs of her mom, who
Can only nod and kiss her on the forehead
And whisper a “Yes,” the whitest of white
Lies meant to comfort a grieving, sad child.
Fast forward to the time I talked to my child
On a long distance call, from a very public booth.
She asked me if Dolly was with me, forewarned,
I can only sigh a cheerful aye. “Talaga? tignan ko nga!”
(Oh yeah? Let me see her then!)
Of course she must have meant to talk to her.
I didn’t hesitate, all so suddenly I knew what to do,
Then and there I belted a falsetto, uncaring
Of the Island people around me, for in that one
Sparkling moment, I was talking to my child not as
A father but as a long lost friend who misses her.
“HAH! Helloooo Dolly, andyan ka sa barko ni Daddy?”
(Hello Dolly, are you there on Daddy’s ship?)
She asks me after my high pitched hello, asking
with such gasped longing, with such breathless relief,
with such childlike delight and innocence. Even as
Eavesdroppers wonder what harm befell my balls!
The rest of that dreamy conversation is lost to me now.
The wonder of her tone, her concern, her yearning for
Her doll is all that remains, of the father and daughter
Transcending bounds of love, blasting colors and
Rainbows to a gray span of reality, even for a while.
---Part 2 on my poem list please read too long to post
It’s with great difficulty I put my pen on this paper.
Struggling as to when and what to begin with.
Learning that life has its way of collapsing
Our paths down to one: unchangeable, inescapable.
A journey of a thousand miles they say begin on a day.
But I guess they forgot to add that the journey also ends on a day.
What day, none of us have a clue.
Reminding me we might not have as much time as we think.
With my dad’s unexpected exit, my greatest solace
Was in the life he led, the testimonies people shared,
The numerous lives he shaped and the legacy he left.
Everyone that had the privilege of knowing him could attest to this.
He life was more of never let anybody leave you without getting better.
My dad was, like he will usually say, perfect to a fault.
He was a man that always stood on his integrity.
Even when everybody decided to take the wrong turn,
He remained true to his cause.
He had a unique way of lightening the atmosphere.
And always had the right word to say for every moment
He also helped in calming the storms in so many a lives
So much that there were no more closing hours
As to when visitors came in and out of the house.
His humility reminded of the personality of Jesus.
Spat upon, bared any brunt but never twitched a muscle
Some mistook this for mere weakness
But in it I saw the greatest strength many can’t attain.
He was a loving, caring, quintessential and inspiring dad.
He always believed in me even when I didn’t find any cause to.
He would normally tell me “I know you can do better”.
This nudged me to where I am today.
My dad also was also a lover of God which showed in selfless service to him.
He has been very instrumental in blessing the lives of many, of whom am chief.
Many of his teachings remain indelible in my heart.
We are brethren, what will you be remembered for, saving for the reigning day,
Just to mention a few, keep guiding me through the spontaneities of life.
I can’t help but remember his addiction to education.
He is the one that brought out the pen in me.
Always more than willing till you have caught on.
His love for reading and teaching
Had no level pegging which leaves me with satisfied incompetence.
It’s sickening that I have to pen all he was to me in a few pages.
What of the gifts he gave me, the support he gave me
And the confidence I had just knowing I could fall back on him
Everyday had its unique and cherished story
Which book will be able to contain such a vast an experience
Just so painful such a journey had to end so soon.
When I consider the life after death
And the rewards that follow for every works done here
Am sure my dad is wreathing in smiles as he accepts his awards.
Giving me a joyous longing of being there one day
I have learned a lot from my dad’s life.
There are always those that will hate and be jealous of you, no matter how good you are.
There are those that will take pleasure on riding on you and would compel you to go a mile
But we should be prepared to go twain.
And the greatest life is a life of sacrifice.
Now I know that true success does not depend on the length of days.
Seeing the shoes my dad left behind just makes me scared.
Am so proud to be your son and I couldn’t have asked for any better.
I hope someday my feet would be worthy to fit in.
To me you are still very much around because you still live deep within my heart.
It may seem strange to write about a battered old saucepan
but this was no ordinary one
it sprung a leak the other day
sadly without thinking
I threw it away
and now it's gone.
It had been in my family
before I was born
and it was used every day
it broke my heart after
to throw it away.
For all the delicious soups goulash and past
it had contained
the mouth watering delectable smells
from the kitchen
the shouts from my parents
''Come on now set the table dinners made''.
All the red hot broths and porridge we'd scoff
before school on a winters day
all the laughs tears and conversations around
the dinner table before it was was washed
and put away.
It was more than a simple saucepan
because it held a lot of family memories
now my parents sadly passed away
it was one of the last things to remind me
of how things used to be
and mow I have to buy a new one
and accept it's demise
like my family
it's gone forever.
Above the clouds in many splendored hues of blue and white
This view beheld by an honored and rarest few
A nations treasure lies below in marble and in green
Yet no dome or obelisk could ever be this hallowed
Like a great bird it claws across the sky
A meeting calls: a friend in need
Its mighty engines crash through the silent morning sky
Its shrieks but music to all who know and remember well
The many come to take her place are fallen
This Daedalus lives on to tell their tales and more
Through younger eyes she gleamed in sun drenched silvers high above the clouds
Now bathed in grays she lingers on to battles unimagined in her youth
Lightened of the tools of war her peaceful mission now to do
She’s come to pay her last respects
And as she dipped and turned away
A sweet release and something more
A soul was taken from this world
And carried to the arms of God
© 2014 by Craig McAlister
Flyover by B-52H serial 0060 "Iron Butterfly" at Arlington National Cemetery on January 7, 2008.
When you broke me
I never expected to be fixed
Many felt I was beyond repair
I was tossed upon a heap of lonely souls
Drifting out to sea
Silent amidst my hollow dreams
Still I was set free
Free from you
For once able to breath
A hand held out lifted me up
A new world was revealed
Realization of what life could be
Confidence in a new reality
Someone could see the value of me
No longer lost
Heading towards hope
Elevated to the stars
Dreams no longer out of reach
I am not broken any more
Your predictions did not come true
I thank God he helped me
I'm living a life
far beyond the restraints of you
I listened to those lies spoken in my ear
Felt each word pierce my broken heart
Still some echos remain
But they are drowned by a stronger voice
And so I have learned to believe
My soul is refreshed and relieved
Part of me wishes that you could see
Sadly I know
You will never see the restored essence of me
Dad sharpened a blade of word
So that it was as sharp as a knife
Mother then open the chest
Until naked like the moon
"Stab the knife!" dad said
I dare not imagine
Blind both eyes of the moon
While night said
Journey still more circular
Even including the dream
Which for me in the form of the blades of walls
Form a box traps me, huddled
In it, whole time towards morning without
Managed to find a gap like the door was
"Stab the knife!" dad said
When I began to laugh with a mischievous
Imagining the moon began to blind
One of its eye
Mother's chest perfectly naked
And dad stay only one side of the walls
That continues melted
You're a voyeur at best!
Your vampiric heart beats out of your chest
Ready to consume the final climax
I know who you are - when the lyrics fail to resemble
Letting your poison drip straight from your lips
Portraying, entertaining the image of sex's delusion
You know only rape - manifestation of hate
Lack of the fruit of the beauty of a human mind
Depths you'll never penetrate!
She was only a doll - type of a lost father's adore
Impaled into a desperate whore
Shamefully out of broken safety's choice
She bore embryogenesis of morose
May your rusty blades caress as they please
So confront the masses with the halt of embryogenesis
Let the worship of machines be
Leg them construct us cell to cell
Nature's just in the way
Of our race of perfectly engineered machines!
The burden of conception
Surrenders to the will of
The New God
Don’t be like me
Don’t only find your creativity
When your four leaf clover turns out to be a weed
Don’t take that extra moment to rest
When you get knocked down
Don’t close your eyes and hope for the best
You need to see the path that lay before you
Don’t pay too much attention to the small things
They will clutter your mind
Don’t overestimate your ability to handle situations
Money and relationships need to be respected always
Don’t settle for anything
It will make you despise the person the in the mirror
Don’t shut the world out
Your heart can only find happiness out there in it
Don’t wait for happiness
It is always moving and will not pause for you to catch up
Don’t share your problems with the walls
They cannot empathise nor offer any advice
Don’t let your ghosts haunt you
The will gnaw at your soul
Don’t be the guy people have to think twice about
Be genuine and good friends will find you
Don’t wonder what could have been
You didn’t do it for a reason, accept your choices
Don’t be afraid to take someone’s hand
Loneliness is not often followed by success
Don’t underestimate yourself
You may just be more valuable than you think
Don’t put yourself down
Others will do that for you
Don’t believe those people
Prove them wrong at every opportunity
Don’t lose faith in those around you
Life is hard enough without doubts within your social circle
Don’t show indifference to strangers
Your paths may cross one day and it may just be important
Don’t let your anger be your most prevalent attribute
Your life will mirror your actions towards others
Don’t be any less affectionate towards your parents
They loved you because you were special not because they had to
Don’t copy others
Your style could be the next best thing
Don’t take the road most travelled
The easy way may just the hardest to live with
Don’t let life get you down
Trying and failing is better than just failing
Don’t hide your smile
No jealous eye can steal what comes from inside you
Don’t let your passion fade
Be proud of at least one thing that you do or have done
Be brave, be daring, take risks
Be caring, be gentle, be awesome!
Be the happy, bubbly, amazingly beautiful person you were meant to be
Smile with your soul, Love with everything you have
Let your heart exercise as much as your body and mind
Whatever you choose to be
Don’t be like me
I am 18 years old
I just found out that I spend most of my time sleeping,
I am obsessed with it.
I have lived for 9,460,800 minutes
Most of which I waste on sleep
Sleeping is my personal heroin,
It lets my arms as a pair of wings to fly me to paradise.
When I want to escape from reality,
I shoot it up my veins.
One day, my mom was chatting with her friends,
When they discussed my studies,
I looked down at my shoes while their children smiled smugly.
Their smiles struck my wings like lighting
The path to my paradise began to disappear
I thought I could use my broken wings to open their eyes
so that they would see my true face
But this was just my imagination
I needed a hit so bad that I slept for 3 days
Feeling likes a puppet, no pain as my strings are pulled
My dream leads me into that sense again,
I looked at their lips and heard their words, proudly I say to her friends, “I am better than your child.”
When I awake, I feel my emotions flood back to me stronger than before
When I was in high school,
I worked so hard but I still couldn’t achieve a score to be proud of
When I see my father’s rough hands, I am shamed by my B Grade Paper.
Then I begin to think what I can do for him,
I ask: “DAD! Can I go to get a part-time job?
“No, getting back to your studies!”
I prepared to take another shot of heroin
To help me pretend as if nothing happened
I used to think that sleeping would solve my ailments
But I realized
I realized that I am escaping
Like boxers hide behind their gloves
Like timid warriors escape from the battlefields
These years, I am search in for peace
But opiate feeling blinds my eyes
My dreams belong in a book.
I don't want to leave this world
with my pages unfilled.
I'll never give up what I long for.
Knowing who my parents are?
My list hold only one need.
then I die.
I walk outside to see all that I can see.
Over there is our house, our home,
In the distance, you can see.
And that place of hallowed happiness
Forever has been our home
And forever will be so evermore.
That house is small but raised us tall,
From the perfect parents who loved us so
To the perfect sister for which every man would want.
The house built us all up strong.
More than a mere building,
It is a place to love and be loved,
A place that hands you hope that you give right back,
And a place of everlasting faith.
This home is where my parents taught me about God
And opened me up to Jesus.
They opened the eyes of the blind for all to see,
And the blind included me.
They taught me to be the best I can be;
The best things in life are free.
They have taught us so well,
And they all have saved my soul.
Even if I am not there now,
I carry Him with me.
I carry them with me.
I carry Their values and Their teachings with me.
In this house, this home,
We cannot forget this.
This is where my Mother lives.
This is where my Father lives.
This is where my Sister lives.
This is where We live,
In this loving, caring, beautiful home
They made just for us.
We cannot forget this either.
This is where it all began.
This is where the hunger and thirst was created;
This is where we are fulfilled.
We cannot, we must not forget this:
This is where God lives.
This is where Jesus lives.
This is where The Lord lives;
The Father and The Almighty.
This is where We live;
This is where We reside.
We must not forget this.
We must not forget this:
What a beautiful and perfect life this is.
I'd like to take a trip to the airport with you and fly one more time.
Eat fish tacos with you.
Talk about real estate with you.
Ask you about that time you "wrote a blank check" and believed God for a miracle.
Tell you how much you impacted my life in so many ways.
Tell you how I miss our early morning phone conversations.
Borrow your truck for the weekend, because yours were always cooler than mine .
Cook you breakfast and a make you a big ole chocolate pie.
You always got me, you always knew when I needed to hear from you and when I needed a smile and encouragement.
I hope I showed you enough how much I loved you.
I hope you know, even though you're gone.
I love you.
Happy Father's Day.
as God is our witness…
you told me you loved her
could see no beauty like her
would never hurt her
she was your queen
the greatest creation seen
then you changed
said you made love to her
like a mad dog
with the mange
you went and hit her
forgot to remember
what I said
‘bout gon’n up side yo head
that’s why you’re nearly dead
and I’ll gladly stand accused
of defending the abused
touch my baby a’gin
and ’om gonna commit a cardinal sin
take my case to the bench
plead the 5th and old testament
so you better look out boy
wallowing in your feigning joy
you better open your eyes and see
there’re a lot out here just like me
abuse our baby one more time
and it’ll surely be your last crime:
as God is our witness
you need to start praying for forgiveness.
Yes I bow my head low sometimes I even cry.
I shake my head and wonder how much more can I bear.
If I really express myself who would care? I’ve heard statements,” You’re a man.” True
enough, I’m also human. Yes we do at times take things for granted. Perfection isn’t a part of my DNA.
My thoughts are mixed up; I know that I am a man.
A man with struggles.
I once thought I was loved but was betrayed.
I gave and gave and yet parts of my life was stolen.
I listened and embraced sweet kisses and was shrugged off like I was a no body; to others that I thought actually loved me.
I’ve been beaten.
Look at my scars. Not only physically also mentally. It hurts to walk with my chest out sometimes. Its called pride, having this self image of a man.
Generally speaking, we feel the pain too.
We are fathers, brothers, sons, and husbands. We sometimes lack the compassion and we are men with mistakes and a past that no one can judge us.
Still in need of love and understanding.
So women don’t look down on all of us, we do try. We love, hurt, cry, and die trying because we are just men.
SHARING A PARK BENCH QUIETLY
That’s a relic representing recollections my mother’s had for years
A creation carved with creativity and counted among her most cherished possessions
It was designed during many consecrated conversations and sanctified sessions
Her husband, my dad, had worked on it as days fell into weeks
And weeks collided with months
When I was very young Mom would sometimes sit me on the couch and crouch to tell me a story
The tale etched into that relic with initials, symbols and most importantly love
Because that’s what mom and dad had the most of
Mom would describe to me with urgency and a smile what the cherub on the upper left hand corner represented for a loving pair
It was there to savor their security and ensure longevity so rare
No one in my family cared much for brevity to dare
But rather held sacred was the mortar of love with which they were cemented
And then she pointed to the apartment number they as newlyweds had rented
There was a pair of doves to promise ever blue for a union of two who truly were not one without the other
It does a son’s heart good to learn of how his father first met his mother
The story says they met in a park during a rainstorm and that’s the reason on the relic is a rain drenched tablecloth upon a picnic table
My dad did so much more than most are able
There are no hearts carved to be seen on the relic because only the two of their hearts mattered
Dad had, as well, taken the time to carve a story with silence about the soulfulness and brightness of his wife and my mom was truly flattered
It’s a beautiful relic and it’s also a reminder that being together, for them, meant for always
And in always
Aiming always for a million or more days
Yes, for my whole life that relic has hung upon that very same wall
Oh but now due to delirium and dementia mom doesn’t recognize nor recall that lovely relic at all
© 2012…..PHREEPOETREE ~free cee!~
I remember the Busch can tower in the corner of the room;
We made the trash in our lives a game.
I remember the wasp nest strangling the ceiling,
the rusting walls of the trailer house, the light
that wouldn't shine through.
Lightning struck the heart of a broken home,
as hill country winds threatened to take
I remember the anger in your eyes,
as you ran my horse down,
to teach it a lesson.
"She's gotta be broke son."
I remember how you sauntered,
cradling your ribs after being kicked off
I wish I remembered more,
I wish I could remember the sound
of your voice,
or the things you would say.
But all I can hear,
is the faint buzz
of a wasp nest;
Xena Warrior Princess,
just out of tune,
Echoes of thunder claps,
the tower falling.
-James Kelley 2014, All Rights Reserved.
A golden brown wooden fence
Made by the hands of my dad
Trimmed dark green bushes
Leaned amongst the borders
Encompassing the many colors
Bright reds, Dark purples
And mellow yellows
And best of all
A small tree
Able to be seen even
From the window
Of my bedroom
Passerby’s usually commented
“What a beautiful garden”
On a city street, outside a bus stop
Beautiful yards were not common
Hot days while my dad watered the garden
I would sit on the porch
With my twin sister
One day a channel 11 newscaster passed by
Asked my dad what he was doing on this hot day
Said watering the flowers and spending time with his daughters
She asked how old we were
Said we were six
Lady then asked us do you ever say anything at the same time
And we replied no
At the same time
This made the newscaster laugh
Fourteen years later
Still reside on that same city street
Same bus passes up and down
Same passerby’s walk the street
No one admires the garden anymore
Passerby’s use our yard as an ashtray
Maybe because it looks like a graveyard
The golden brown wooden fence is not there
Looking outside my bedroom window
I can no longer see the tree
I can no longer see
Bright reds, Dark purples, and mellow yellows
I am stuck seeing dead grass and cigarette buds
So I planted morning glory flowers
Hoping to bring the beauty that was lost
And bring back the unity and love
This yard showed
This yard didn’t always fit the stereotype
My dad didn’t always fit the stereotype
I didn’t always fit the stereotype
Neither did my mom or my sister
TOMORROW WILL BE BETTER?!?!
You said that on a million yesterdays!
Look at the calendar, it’s laughing at you.
Dude, are you SERIOUS?!
You should dress up like a “Father” on Halloween!
You can’t see through that old mask anymore.
I must still look like a little girl to you,
the crying five-year-old you forgot to pick-up from school,
the hopeful eight-year-old you promised that you'd be right back….
Don’t you know?!
All of those seasons, all of those missed moments,
all of the times that Father Time ticked me off,
placed a “no vacancy” sign across my heart and
brought me to this sad reality:
You laid down and made me,
but never stood up and raised me.
So, take your bull****, all of that lying ****,
that tomorrow will be better ****,
and make your grass greener
for Easter and
on the other damn side.
Hallmark should make a
Deadbeat Dad card.
I'M NOT BUYING IT!
Earlier I asked Mommy when Daddy would return,
And she simply smiled, "Soon, Little Bird."
But when I left the room, I could hear Mommy crying,
Then fell to her knees and prayed to the higher world.
No one will tell me why Daddy hasn't come back yet,
Won't he be back here for Christmas Eve?
I walked back down and peered around the corner,
Watching as Mommy cried and turned to leave.
Why won't they tell me anything, I'm desperate to know,
I don't know if I can open any gifts without my Daddy there.
Taking pictures to savour the memories, he was always present,
But as I drift off tonight, I wonder why he isn't here.
The next day, Mommy held a note in her hand,
"The funeral is scheduled for December twenty-first."
I went up and asked Mommy "What is that for?"
But I was not prepared for the worst.
Now, he will not talk to me anymore,
He won't be here for Christmas another year.
Now, he is on my list to Santa,
But I know something that dear
Can't come back.
I miss you Daddy.
Dear Soldier hero
Dear soldier hero,
I address you with a prayer just for you.
I tell God to keep you safe, so you can give me my freedom.
I thank you and all the heroes that have to fight each night.
I cry for you as I pray and ask God to send you home.
You're my hero Daddy And i love you
Lost some petals,
But still whiffing her odor
All he said to her,
That one day she will bloom,
For thorns are all she needs,
For it’s in her stars,
To be a lover’s delight
To be a wedding’s wreath,
To be last gift of a living to dead
Lost some petals,
And he stayed there,
She needed him but water and sun
For gems of purest rays serene,
She is born to blush unseen,
She will be a delight
And all then a father will do,
Is seeing her off from aisle with smile….
I almost cried
He was the best
He made me laugh
The loudest and the
The chill of morning sweeps the streets of Whitehall.
Rain falls like tears from the sky onto the Cenotaph stone.
I fear the sight of his name, should the pain make me fall,
Amongst the crowd I stand here alone
No loving words to give me hope,
No letterbox clatter with joy renew.
So in memories past I sit and study,
The pain of loss is deep for you.
As I lay here in the silence, I wonder how much father knows,
About this nightmare and the darkness that surrounds me.
These are the demons that haunt my mind,
Longing for death to set me free.
No 10 gun salute to make my father proud.
Death has taken my ID tag, my title and my name.
Would my father disown me?
The thought drives me insane!
In the deafening silence,
I cling on as hope slips away.
No news of my son,
Tortures every day.
I hear his voice in the darkness of night,
His image floats above my bed.
The boy I sent off to make me proud,
Does he lie among the unknown dead?
My senses are shattered, body battered, my sight is gone,
My head drums out an S. O. S thumping on death’s door.
If only a loving touch could soothe me,
Oh, to see my father once more!
To be able to look upon your face,
To be a family once more.
When we have always been true and faithful,
Why must God allow the horror of war!
OH PLEASE GOD!
Oh please God!
Oh those candies behind the counter
They look so good
Just out of my reach
My mouth waters
You say maybe tomorrow
Oh that bike
High handle bars
Just like my friends bike
So very different from my own
My tomorrow never comes
Oh those boots
The smell and feel of the leather
Check out the stitching
Those pointed toes
If only I could wear them tomorrow
Oh all the things I want
All just out of my reach
Left for you to decide
Your desires satisfied
Mine set aside
You say maybe tomorrow
Oh I can hardly wait
One day I will grow up
The world will be my oyster
I will decide
I will have my tomorrow
Oh he is so cute
This gorgeous son of mine
I want the best for him
I can wait for me
I'll give my best today
I can wait till tomorrow
Sadly, I have only the one shallow inkwell to enter words
About my adoring father’s incomparable life. And,
Webster’s entire dictionary is not enough to
Even describe a day of his existence. How on
This extremely small earth can it be accomplished? My
Attempts come up short every time I dip in shallow inkwells.
Maybe I can exist for a time as his apparent duplicate,
Even though, at best, I’ll portray a foggy impression.
Hurry, I better accelerate; he is fading as quickly
As the inkwell. Now, I can’t envision dad’s outline,
To imitate. Sorry it concluded in this utter letdown.
Our shallow inkwell has emptied; his immortality has expired.
Now I’ll face a fruitless eternity to accomplish comparisons.
For Con/Vow contest
A lover I once knew, die today
he was alive yesterday
I never thought of him this way.
I never think about the rain
Unless it flood my drains,
my driveway, my rose garden
Or dampened my happy mood
Why would the death of my lover
Leave me so sad, and blue
Tender moment of affection: edgy days
Relationships have it up and downs
The past have been trouble: maybe I was wrong,
Probably he was right: however here tonight
A lover I once knew passed away today
My old lover the wicket-keeper:
The one I uses to love the most: an distant lover
I really really hoped
By now that you'd pick up the phone
Or show up at my door
But there's someone you want a little bit more
Days and nights go by
Staying strong is hard but I try
Reminders pop up in every day life
But still I keep busy and strong, I try
So many moments I've never had
I'll never get to experience with dad
Basic anatomy connected us at first
You ignored all that and rolled me in the dirt
Downhill I fell and fell and fell
You made me cry many times and I yelled
Your heads made of brick
My hearts made of sticks
Your abuse burned my love down
You hallowed the insides of this chick
Been ten years now, I've rolled back up the hill
Been a struggle, but life now is pretty chill
I wont pretend that I don't think of you
Miss having someone there because I do
Honestly I never did feel that you cared
That bottle always came first and it was more than I could bare
Being me is something I learned to do
Something that wouldn't have happened if I stuck with you.
I sleep so can I dream
to find me in a world I can be
to play with my dad while
My mom waits for me
with several cups of tea
Distant relations I not even know
Childhood friends forgotten long ago
tug along and raise a lot of cheer
I find myself cocooned
in the midst of near and dear
God wakes me to the reality of hell
O’ No! I want to sleep for ever
and stay in my happy dreams
As I stand near the grave
I shoo away the birds around
My dad is dreaming deep inside
Leave me at peace, let me sleep
This is for all the single mothers raising their child alone
Stressed to the max
Somehow still managing to put a smile on
When the baby daddy left them so fast
For all the mums working non-stop to provide for their kids
Cause the father ran away which is a cowardly act no one can forgive
How could you runaway and just leave your child fatherless?
You were supposed to love them and guard their chest
Protect them from pain, not leave them and their mother in even harder stress
This is the type of thing that leaves you sad
A fatherless little boy just called his teacher dad
So all the other kids make fun of him
You’re his father how could you just run from him
Maybe I’m writing this because I never had my mum or dad
If I get a girl pregnant, I’ll always support her
And give my children everything I never had
A few will say I’m writing this to try and seduce a few milfs
But I’m just taking time to respect the happy home they built
But fathers who are there for their kids don’t get recognition
Breaking up if it’s not right is ok to do
But using your kid as a weapon isn’t
But the truth is quite simple, if you’re not ready to be a dad yet
Then use a condom when you have sex
No child deserves to be abandoned by their mum or dad
Which is why when I have kids they’ll have everything I never had
This is for the single parents who have to raise their child alone
Stressed to the max, but still manage to put a smile on
At the breaking of the new dawn
Where the hopeful golden glow melts the dew
A sleepy world awakens to the brightened new dawn of life
But at the striking of that aged light
Where the anguished reddened heat squanders dew
I die a thousand deaths
Knowing that tomorrow I will die a thousand more
And every day thereafter as the sands of my hour glass quickly trickle with each sighing breath
A path once known now wisps of smoke
A path once comforted by the soft colours of a palette of petals
Now shrouded in jagged sculptures of flesh and blood and soul
A path upon which defiant footprints once spoke loudly of living
Now a path imprinted with the silent screams of a ragged form, noosed
And brutally dragged in death’s merciless dark wake
A spirit once free
Now sentenced and shackled to the imperceptible chains of pain
Hands still young now wrinkled with the hauntings of death’s cold pallor
Arms once strong now weakened at the remembrance of the weight of the lost
And a face unrecognisable masked by raging war
Mirroring an imploding core
The day’s heat savages the charred flesh stretched over decrepit bones
The hollow cavity where a heart once beat humming the melancholy call for the pieces of its once whole inhabitant
A yearning soul’s agonising pleas falling on deaf ears
In frantic search of the fast fading, scarred scattered remains
Of what once was
And what will never again be
And as the day breathes its final breath and the orange glow begins to sink, a silky cloak with glistening jewels envelopes the world in peace
But with the rise of the cause of the pained wolf howl
The shadow of the demonic orb of devastation descends
Its arms outstretched, spreading suffocation
Its spindly blood drenched fingers piercing that empty hollow where a heart once beat
And as my broken barely human form turns, collapsing to my knees into fading air, where familiar loving arms once stood tall
Now unjustly only dust in the pine box cradled between my palms
The fires of my hell encircle me
And falling ashes rain upon me as the heavens mourn you falling asleep
Another of death’s cruelly stolen souls
Wrenched from my fingertips-abandoning me forever
And the dawn of realisation opens its jaws and revels in the manic scream that escapes me-the echoes of my tortured soul
A soul who must remain
And there I die a thousand deaths
Knowing that tomorrow I will die a thousand more
And every night thereafter as the sands of my hour glass quickly trickle
with each sighing breath
Love comes in many
shapes and sizes
In many forms
But love that is
certain and never a fad
Is the love that I
got forever from dad.
You taught me to love and
to fight for my right
You took me in and
kissed me goodnight.
The last hour
You took your last breath.
The last hour
You spoke to mom and dad
That last hour
Never got to hear your voice
That last hour
I never got to say goodbye
That last hour
I never got to say, "I love you, bro!"
That last hour
I didn't see you go in your corvette
That last hour
I didn't know you had a gun
That last hour
I was sleeping
Thinking everything's ok
Til I woke up, found out,
YOU WERE GONE!!!!!!!
It's not a cult:
It's a Savior saving my life.
It's a Savior saving your life.
It's our Savior saving our lives.
It's not too late.
It's never too late!
Living a life without a father
You may think no one bother
The hurt and pain in his eyes
Nothing he had but goodbyes
He spent his years of life asking why
Did he not come back or swung by
No one to look up to
No guidance on what to do
Closest to a father was a gang banger
Didn't do him good but use him as a hanger
Made him do the bad deed
Wasn't important to him more than a seed
But he tried and tried to make him proud
But all he did was shout at him out loud
Finally giving up on the bad choices
He began listening to those voices
He found a one of a kind girl
Who always made his mind whirl
He mad her his
And they had a kid
That was the day his life turned around
His destiny was found
He now realizes that he came to a decision
He's not going to be the day we see on television
But the dad he never had
The dad that will never make his child sad.
He asks me all the time
Mom why did you leave dad behind
I told him it was never the plan but, you dad is not ready to be a real man
Like attend doctor's appointment or take you to the park
Or a trip to the beach to play in the sand
Or make trips in your room to turn on the night light because your scared of the dark
On Christmas and birthdays no cards or no toys
But the worst part of it all you never even call and when you do your a lying fool
Making promises that you know you will break
How much more do you think we can take
So I'm ending this now for my son's sake
Your a dad in the past and your lies were a blast
From “Daily Given & Other Poems”
God be with thee, my beloved son – God be with thee
Until you return.
Many treacherous there be
Before to reach friends and daddies
But all of them are going to wait for the same sun’s light.
There shall not be farewell or a yellow ribbon or blue
And there cannot tears from us just smile behind the whole life into taken.
Alas! I can see you as a son at war
Working in a height way and honor.
All shall reach thee.
God be with thee, my beloved son – God be with thee
As the last fading from a lovely cactus!
I see in the air a beauty.
I see a love swallowing another.
And now my daughter lives in the sea, and
There on the hill my wife mends gardens, while
I stand with a rake forty feet afar with
My eyes blurred from laughter,
And the salty sea breeze.
My daughter lives in the sea.
She will rise from the surface of our love,
Flower into the air, above the passion of our pastures,
And the florid grace of our existence.
My Barbie dolls are growing old.
My first bike is growing rusty.
My little shoes now pinch my toes
and carry big boxes with ease.
I can reach the cupboards,
and I've learnt how to blow my nose.
I read long books by myself,
and can count by twelve.
I walk to the bus alone now,
Without holding hands.
I eat all my vegtables without being told,
And I've learned how to spell 'hundred'.
My legs may reach farther,
and I may walk longer,
but I will always stay close.
I will always be your little girl.
Always need you.
You will always be my family.
My mother, my father.
If I could have a Christmas wish
It would be of a selfless gift.
A wish full of love, hope and faith.
That one day my dad is saved.
His lungs are shutting down by the day
And his liver is toast you see.
His skin is a yellowish color
And he has lost a lot of weight.
I understand he did this to himself,
But please lord I need your help.
Surrounded by candles on this night
He is too weak to continue to fight.
I can see the pain in his eyes.
The look of hopelessness he is trying to hide.
Please lord do you hear my cry?
For my dad to survive,
If I could have a Christmas wish
It would be for my dad to live.
The longing to go back,
Back to another time
I’m aging, and he doesn't care
A different crime
He can run
He can hide
He can he can soar
He can fly
Away in the
I don’t have one
I don’t have a police box
I’m all alone
I’m stuck here watching every dawn
I’m stuck here like mom
He won’t take me away
Because he left us you see
Alone to fend for ourselves
And I hate him for it
But at the same time I love him
My mom’s raggedy man.
Woke up and read
“On My Father’s Life”
by Raymond Carver.
Thought about Kentucky
and Dad with his shirt off,
sweating in a chilly morning
of March, digging
for a fence post.
The poor bastard,
to share a name
and lose a photograph.
It's seems like I've
lost something too.
My father isn’t dead
to space, but it’s been years.
And to share a name,
after all this time.
It's all he has share.
Whoa, where should I start?
Is it to say am grateful,
For all that you have done?
Or is to say I love you,
And I forever shall.
You have been,
A pillar in my life,
That peg that covered up the hole in the wall,
Walls of my heart that were cracked and teared up.
You have instilled discipline in the kindest of ways,
Been the silver lining in the clouds of my days.
You have shown me that love doesn't have to be proven,
Flashed about like a trophy to show that its there,
But that even the slightest of pats,
And shortest of words,
Can show that you care.
You may not say as much as I want you to,
Nor do what they say you should,
But that doesn't mean that I love you less,
Because to me you are simply the best.
And as long as the tune of life plays,
I shall forever have this dance with you,
No one could ever take your place,
My father, my mentor,
My disciplinary, my true friend.
I LOVE YOU DAD.
The Sweetest Dad Ever!
When I was just a lass,
my teacher pulled me out of English class
to get a dozen of the pinkest roses in a vase made of brass.
They must have cost him an awful lot of cash,
but my Dad said Happy Valentine’s Day To My Favorite Blonde Lass!
That person is thinking about me
They probably think I'm a Movie Star
I get that a lot
Is their Heart pumping fast?
Perhaps it's skipped a beat
If I said hello it would really make their day
I have always had a strange power over people
It must be the way I carry myself
Some people are just born this way
I know they will be talking about me
Wondering about my life
The people I have met
The places I have been
It's like they have magically seen my future
It is only a matter of time
They will not soon forget this day
Should I tell them my name?
No, why should I spoil the surprise
This moment will stay in their minds eye
They will tell their children of this day
Of course I will not think of them again
I will walk in new rooms and eyes will turn my direction
They will not be dissapointed
I will let them taste my dreams
They will live their dreams through me
They will want to be me
It is just a matter of time
The whole world will one day chant my name
I look forward to that day
My gift will be their gift
It's just a matter of time
I grew up expecting great things from my Father and instead of doing
them he lived in his perpetual fantasy World.
This is my goofy dad.
We're best friends now.
My smoothie cup in his pocket
gives it all away
in this photograph.
My dad was always fun,
always encouraging me to do good,
listening to music with me,
even taking me on late night trips
But that was then.
For sixteen years he was always there,
even when it was just to
stick his tongue out
for a picture in my collage.
I remember feeling insanely happy
that night because
I was with my dad at the festival.
What I didn't know was that
in a couple of years
everything would change.
I'm lucky to even be able
to contact my dad now.
He chose to leave me
so he could make a new best friend.
I wasn't good enough anymore.
I saw the picture of you
With Mom and dad
And you were smiling
And bells were ringing
And dad was holding you
He called your name
The night he died
And was scared
He would never
See you again.
And now he comes
In your dreams
When your soul
Needs you the most
And you wonder if the dead can talk
And if souls get lonely
And believe they are okay
And love other souls
Like they want to be loved
Even when they can’t love back
Can you blame him
For wanting to give comfort
When your soul is not free
And your own death
Means nothing to you.
And now he sits by the door
And waits for you to cry in your sleep
And tries to understand why
He didn’t hold you
When he could.
im saying good bye to you since you dont care
im saying goodbye to you because honestly you just werent there
im tired of trying to win your affection
im tired of trying to have you in my life
three strikes and you're out but i gave you more
so this is my final goodbye im finally closing that door
maybe it wasn't time but i've had enough of waiting
maybe it just wasn't meant to be but now we will never know
i hope one day you get a second chance
i hope one day you would realize that you didnt give me your all
so many things i wanted to say but you never gave me the chance
but thankfully im not gonna live my life with regret
i gave you my all i even forgived
i showed you who i was, who i am, who i wanted to be
but you were too blinded by what? so you just couldnt see
later in life on my wedding day you may cross my mind
later in life on the day of my child(ren) birthday(s) you may cross my mind
but thats all that you're gonna be just a vague memory of what was and what could have been....
From the Daughter you could have had
Since he was a young boy
he has hated nothing.
Nothing but three things.
All that spinning makes him dizzy.
Childish things for childish people.
Why don't you use a clock like a normal person?
“Why the hatred?”
You may ask.
His father was a doll-maker.
And he made one every hour.
Our friendship started when I could barely speak.
We have been through hell and back again.
You gave me everything I needed to live.
You gave me love when no one else did.
You picked me up when I stumbled and fell.
You were there to catch my tears when I'd cry
You were there to hug me tight.
The time has come to pay you back.
I am here to take care of you dad.
I guess all the drinks have caught up with you now.
Your lungs are shutting down,
Your liver is toast,
You are suffering and I feel at a loss to help.
I hate seeing you so weak and frail.
If I had a wish to make
It would be for no material thing.
nor would it be anything for me.
My Christmas wish is for you to live.
For you to get your liver transplant.
Your days are numbered and you are getting worse.
Just know that I am praying hard for you.
I am looking for a miracle this Christmas day
And hopefully god hears my prayers.
Dad and I dug
in the backyard.
My eyes lit up at
the can opener,
it glimmered silver in the earth-
except for the rusty parts.
He made another hole
by the white tree
and I polished off
the rock, that was
except where it was rough.
In the rubble at the bottom,
I found a penny caked in dirt,
it must have been worth
Starring heavily at that double knotted rope
I thought optimistically about it
As a mad man
Slapping my dry and rough hands
On the ground
I picked myself up,
Weakly, I barely made it,
Gripping the tightly strung rope.
From the ground
To the ceiling
With my mind upside down
I believed that it would remove you,
Take away the scars you’ve caused;
I thought it would kill you,
Off that old wooden chair
With my neck tied--
I kicked away.
But, that’s weak too;
I only kicked away when the only
Hangings… were my scars.
The is the happiest I’ve felt I don’t know what to say
Seems so real even though it must be fake
Maybe its parts of my past I don’t want to escape
Maybe it’s thoughts I just don’t want to shake
But the reasons for it don’t matter right now
As I’m in my bed and I lie down
I’m back at the day I was born
Parents looking over me. Saying they’ll support me through any storm
Saying they’ll always be here
So there’s no need for me to fear
Then they kiss me goodnight
And promise me that I’m going to live a good life
May parents are alcohol free
Sister and brother drug free
Just arguing over who’s in charge of the TV remote
Just how a family should be
Finally getting to know what love feels like
Rather than what it could be
Comfortable being myself
No guard up
Family there when I need there help
No self harm scars, I’m doing just fine
I feel some lips touch mine
They just happen to be Rebecca’s
We’re still together
And we never broke up
Not good at showing my feelings but I’m finally able to show enough
I’m playing football with my father he hasn’t died
I’m smiling and I haven’t cried
We kick the ball away
We sit talking while grabbing five
He simply told me “Son be the best you can”
“I’ll support you in whatever you do”
“I’ll always respect your plans”
So I go and tell Rebecca it’s true
I love you and there isn’t anyone better than you
I just hope you know it
Cause I don’t always know how to show it
She replies by giving me a hug and kiss
From my favourite lips
I hear a ringing damn it’s my alarm clock
This was in my sleep. My favourite dream or the impossible wish?
Sitting alone in the dark
forced to do nothing but think
to think about how you weren't there
you weren't there when I took my first step
you weren't there when I said my first word
you missed all the 'bring your parents to school' days
every little girl had their dads come
all except one,
it hurts to think that you never cared
you cared about no one but yourself
not even your own kid
you weren't there when I lost my first tooth
you weren't there for the father daughter dances
I made up stories when everyone asked if you were coming
I shouldn't have had to do that
no one should
I try to forget about you
but it's hard
it's hard to know that all these years your dad is out there somewhere
and you ask
why didn't I have a daddy like the other girls?
was I not good enough for daddy?
why doesn't daddy love me?
did I do something wrong?
tons of thoughts race through my head
as I sit here in complete darkness
listening to only the faint murmurs in my head
forced to do nothing but think
Till Sunday morning
no-one would find you
drowned by the net
some escape taken early
through poison's door
with foam filled mouth
made twisted blue
turned to smudge
The kitchen floor.
Beneath clean white
on a stainless steel table
fresh as a butcher's shop
by surgical gloves
and cotton wool buds
your drunken juices
now drained away.
Lowered in shame
through Autumn's walls
a hurried service
shivered strange all cords
in reflective thought
neither glad nor sad
As the token minister
read out dead words
I tried hard to remember
you as Dad.
Everyone in the world thinks babies and kids have no struggles we are wrong.
We forget the hardest times of our lives is when we were infant our hearts beat a song.
When we were hungry we would cry, little hands could not grab anything that lye.
We had help to hold our bottles and we felt so helpless in our everyday struggles.
Our eyes did not open till the time that we were able we saw everything huge in size.
It made our heart throb fast and nothing made sense for all the words were gurgles.
The little ears we had we did stress with sound so loud and so unknown made us cry.
The fathers and mothers with kind word almost calmed us while they whispered.
They held us with fear, we had fear just knowing that we could not handle stress alone.
We grabbed things and we just wanted to hear the heart beat of our mom and dad.
That was the only thing in our minds that made us calm and glad.
The first touch of rough skin and strong hands were most comforting, yet scary at once.
Trust gradually grew when whipped our mess and hind ends, which were still scary.
To the large people out there the mind of a child is so simple but they still struggle.
They still need food, love and security that is all they need to grow.
To their lives is what they cling and no one is there to protect them from sorrow.
There are less fortunate kids that never get to hear their mothers and fathers hearts.
They soon empathize with everything around them with an emotion that struggles.
When sleeping on our own we cannot defend ourselves so we have fears.
That's why we cry nightly to sigh relief, we get exhausted and we run out of tears.
Remember the times you seen a child fall down their first step or bump into things.
It is scary when knowledge is lacking and get into things, which are a signs of struggles.
Children is future, it is nice to just watch them study, play and learn who they are.
Babies and Kids smiling, playing loud, and just sitting, they are still people they struggle.
There’s something I see in my father
That no one else seems to see,
Like a blindness to what’s truly good: He is strong.
But I hope to be stronger in the morning,
Rather than the evening
Though the days feel the same
At times I feel he is my only friend
He is funny, but that’s a cover
He is intellectual, which may be his greatest fault
He is wise, but only afterwards
He wakes up after a long sleep
Like every other man should do,
He looks in the mirror,
The only object that see’s who he really is,
With a certain dissatisfaction in his eyes
Like every other man has done
The debris, the wreckage, the wasted
It’s worn him inside and out
He’s bleary, he’s fatigued,
He’s just tired
Tired of feeling the way he does
Tired of the mistakes he’s made
Like every other man is
He needs a woman that understands, somebody:
That can swim down and pull him from the waters
That can warm his bed and wash his sheets
That can make him laugh and make him cry
That can love him for his flaws
That can love him for who he is
That can even the evening skies because
Nobody deserves to be alone
With only their reflection
Knowing who they really are
That sort of thing can kill a man
I know because I feel that way
And I’m only 21 years of age
What will 30 more do for me?
…I hope, at least,
That before the night
He will watch the sun set
July 28th, 2013
This is the poetry of the broken,
been beat down so hard that ya need to toke and,
This is the **** that I keep inside,
all this ****in **** that I try to hide, cause,
I know you weren't proud, I know you wouldn't grieve,
If tomorrow brought a world, the same but missing me,
All the things that you've said only allow me to believe,
I know even though I share your blood, you are no part of me.
This is for the time I got your **** thrown in my face,
I'd wipe it off, keep walkin, wouldn't even break my pace,
But I can't keep it in me or I'm going to explode,
My neck and shoulders breakin under the pressure of this load,
I know you weren't proud, I know you wouldn't grieve,
If tomorrow brought a world, the same but missing me,
All the things that you've said only allow me to believe,
I know even though I share your blood, you are no part of me.
These words are the way I feel,
Let me assure you that it's all for real,
Maybe this time you'll listen,
Hearing all your **** while my jaw its clenchin,
Biting my tongue almost everyday,
Trying not to listen to a word you say,
Because for too long now I've been eating your poison,
And I'm sorry that your sorry about the path you've chosen
I know you weren't proud, I know you wouldn't grieve,
If tomorrow brought a world, the same but missing me,
All the things that you've said only allow me to believe,
I know even though I share your blood, you are no part of me.
She sits on the ground, head against the wall
Wondering when everything went wrong
The first punch was the worst
The first kick was strong
The first bruised never showed
She listens at night for his loud footsteps ascending the stairs
Waiting for the pain she can hardly bare
Her friends see her terror, they see her pain
They ignore it, wishing it away
She sits on the couch quietly, not saying a word
Keeping his secret by lying to the world
She sits in the classroom, eye closed tight
Hiding from the world, a secret of lies
She can't remember ever being loved
She can't remember ever being missed
She remembers the pain when her mom left
She remembers the hurt from her dad
But she doesn't understand why
She wished for it to all go away
She wished for death
She wished for forgiveness, she even begged
She was to blame when her mother left
Her eyes are empty, no emotion left
She knows its time, Time to say goodbye
She didn't expect to die like this
She didn't think her life would turn out to be this
She was alone, broken, she needed help
Her eyes pleaded, begged
Now were are too late...
She cant be saved.
hungers of each other's respect;
bruising feeling with no intent,
so much left to consider other than this.
I don't want to be laughed at like a train dog,
mistakes that never shine to be shown.
underrated compliance with no deeper meaning;
looking forward to not being worthy,
day by day,
does it make a difference?
toughing out the storm of the normal,
both rugged with teh rigidness edges of our patience.
still claiming to be happy,
suited only to the hidden faces of the masks of tears.
lies within lying:
buried deep inside,
a closet full of bones and regrets,
a problem yet to be faced and fulfilled...............!!!
it’s christmas dad
lend me once more your hand to compare ourselves
among the living people i ever touched
only your hand was bigger
if you want to we can go to the seashore hand in hand
to leap wave after wave together
or you can take me to the puppet theater
where the orange tiger swallows pancakes
while we’re clapping along with our big hands
this year i didn’t grow home bread and
i didn’t burn candles
i simply crouched with half-opened eyes
leaning against high cushions
over a cross scratched with my nails on the bed sheets
lying in wait
fishing like you dad
sometimes hours other times days
go by without any catch
apart from your pale and slippery smile
in the last photograph
why on earth didn’t you put aside the fishing rod
What is family?
Is it judging everything,
From what your child says to what your child does?
Is it placing the blame,
For all of your problems on your creation?
Is it favoritism,
Between your spouse and you child?
This is not family.
We are not a family,
And we never have been.
I will not call you my family,
You are simply guardians to me.
Family should help a child with their problems,
Not make them worse.
The depression, the anxiety, the insecurity,
It all stems from how you treat me.
You are not a father to me,
Because that is not how you act.
You are not a mother to me,
Because that is not how you act.
Seventeen years, and it's only gotten worse on me.
I could have it worse.
You do not physically abuse me,
You are not poor citizens.
You just do not know how to be parents.
You verbally abuse me.
It gets tiring.
I'm unattractive to you,
I'm not thin enough for you,
You don't like the clothing I like,
You don't like the hairstyles I like,
You don't like the way I do my makeup.
I am not living to be like you.
I am living to be myself.
Parents, off all people,
Should understand that.
Rather, you ridicule me,
You judge me for everything that I am.
I do not feel loved.
I do not feel cared for.
I say I'm going to leave in a year,
And you laugh in my face.
But, trust me,
It will happen.
You will rue it,
Because when I'm gone,
I am gone.
I will not come back.
I will not call.
I will not write.
I will not visit.
You've had your chances,
At making a relationship with me,
Your only daughter,
And your second daughter.
It's over now.
It's too late,
And the damage is done.
You are not parents to me.
You never will be.
Airport terminals betray many turbulent thoughts,
as lives pass and friends fly, far away.
I sit here in this chair, wondering when
I'll ever see such faces again.
Some tears have already made their way down,
forcing themselves to the sad surface.
When shaking hands with your teacher and your friend,
hugging the ones who've made you whole - it is what it is.
More, however, are yet to come.
As we taxi out on the runway, departure-bound,
I see behind my eyes this scene on the silver screen;
and lo, what plays out before my glistening eyes.
A soft melody breaches my ears and my mind,
tag-teaming with the past
to bring forth such savage depths;
drops, slowly, continue to fall.
As I think of those I will always miss,
no matter how close or how undeniably far;
as this is born into life on the page;
I ache for home.
I know what I am;
I fight for all things familiar.
I gave up my right to not feel this,
to defend others' rights never to.
A man dear to me once told me
that I've done my share. No matter how long it's been,
just the first step was enough, he said.
That I owe nothing more.
I hope he's right.
I hope, when this is over, that I can find
all these faces. That I can find
my way back once more.
Maybe one day I can figure out
how to listen.
Maybe one day, I'll live for me;
maybe one day I'll believe him.
A shoelace, one that snags and tears when you try to tighten your shoe too tight.
Who would have imagined,
could be a tool used to take my daddy's life.
Alcohol and drugs, a swirl of depression and a mindset of bamboozlement
Leaving what was once a brilliant artistic mind,
now second guessing his sanity.
Put so much faith into a women who made her life hustling,
transparent to all but him.
Would leave him alone, with his drug induced thoughts of self loathe.
While she scampered the streets, and was more enthralled with a "john".
One night was his breaking point, concocting a delusional plan to recapture the harlot's attention.
Was it a cry for help, and attention? Was it an induced hebetude.
Sitting cross legged as indians would, a simple shoelace placed around his neck.
Waiting hours and hours for her to return, to see him in this desperate state.
The effects of the drugs and alcohol had taken its toll, his eyes heavy...
He leans forward, the shoelace does not give way.
I will never know if it was suicide or a drunken stupor!
Who loves me enough to keep track of me by the color of the sky?
Who is the one who still loves me if I win, loose or die?
He stands among a chosen few
There are a lot things for him to do
Obligations, situations countries all a mess
He puts his best foot forward and does his best
My dad loves me and I love him to
When we are together theres nothing us two
Couldn't do, because we are the same, nothing new
My dad and I the same and God knows why
Mother smells like an old kitchen sponge
Father sips coffee from his chipped mug
Faye hums a melody searching for rhythm
The old dog lying on his back fully exposed
I should visit more often
As I left my feet for Faye to sweep
I fold the newspaper in halve
The kitchen table's front left leg
Is supported by an old dictionary
And the conversation is lost for words.
Why can't I be normal?
Why do I have to fake a smile,
then die as no one sees that it's fake?
Why do I have to wait for someone to care
enough to climb over the wall I've built?
Why do I look, but not see?
Why does the world seem to hate me?
Why do I feel so alone?
Why can't I be a kid?
Why does every sad song seem to apply to me?
Why do I seem so insensitive?
Why do I shut people out, when all I want is to let someone in?
Why do I live life the way I do,
knowing it is wrong,
but still live it that way?
Why do I hear voices telling me something is wrong?
Why won't the nagging in my ear go away?
Why can't I find love?
Why don't I let anyone love me?
Why don't I love myself?
Why do I try to act carefree,
but all I do is worry?
Why do people tell me not to care what other people think,
then I try to be myself, they tell me to stop
because people are staring?
Why do adults tell us kids that two wrongs don't make a right,
and then they go seeking vengence?
Why must I act as though I'm not slowly dying?
Why must I only be able to cry on the inside?
Why must I put on a brave face for everything?
Why does my mom call me names that aren't right for a mother
to call a daughter?
Why do Mom and Dad always fight?
Why are my brother and I the subject of all the fights,
and are not allowed to have a say in anything
that is said?
Why do my mom and dad say things about each other they don't mean?
Why did they bother having us, if they knew it wasn't going to work?
Why do people always leave, even when they promise to say?
Why do I have to live up to expectations in oreder
to be loved by my mother?
Why can't anyone answer these questions for me?
It first appeared during their wedding
along with the other gifts that were given
by family and friends celebrating
as two hearts were made one and uniting
Then it was seen again on the day of the 24th
as the last child, a girl, was born
before that, there were two boys that arrived
ten years earlier. as it was depicted in the picture
Lastly, it lay on the bedside table, open
Not a space not filled with captured moments
the photo album now old with rusty scent,
and tears intrude on pages a middle-aged man was depicted
Now the old man has passed away
leaving only photographs turning old and gray
upon the photo album tattered from late night reminiscence
of the memories since 30 years ago on their wedding day.
Mommy and Daddy were having difficult times..
cursing that ringed at my small tiny ears.
I was only 6 years old when he came home
having a little too much to drink.
I stood there staring at the intoxicated man,
that I once called daddy..
His dead eyes burned into my head,
my body shakes as he stumbles through the hall.
Mommy tells me to run upstairs,
“What’s goin on mama” I cried
“Go NOW!” she croaked
as her eyes stared at me with scarce.
My brother drags me by the arm upstairs.
I hurdle into a small ball with tears poking their way down my small delicate face,
crying my heart out as if it was shattered into tiny little pieces.
I was just a little girl than,
Innocent & Confused..
Police sirens blare from the front lawn.
I shuffle towards the cold window
peeking to see the drunken,
so called father of mine.
he was gone in a flash..
But not forever,
He came waltzing back into my life
as if he hadn't hurt a fly.
He left for about a year..
The memories we shared,
they’re grey and lost behind the pain which engulfs my brain.
But even today,
at the age of 13 years old
I wasn’t blind as a bat,
I knew his ‘I’m such a good father card’
was as fake as his smile.
Which just pestered me,
Because of him I was left drowning in a pool of depression,
I only survived because of having the strength of my mom and brother to pull myself up.
I will never forget that night
That night he bailed,
leaving my small suffering family heart broken.
Yes, hes my father..
But no longer is he known as daddy,
I’m never going to be daddy’s little girl again..
The pain stabbed me in the heart like a knife,
still leaving scars behind
which leaves me to believe,
I can’t forgive nor forget..
That drunken man.
My dad drinks beer in his angriest t-shirt, waiting
for me to prove my purpose, two doctorates
like scholarly wings to lift his ass
to the upper class, where
he will drink beer in his angriest t-shirt, waiting.
i know you must fly from that nest
that housed your body and soul
for those eighteen long years
from which you always looked out
while your mum and i kept
that constant flying in, to protect
and strengthen every feather
in your wings to take off one day to find
a partner to make your own nest
in that process of my constant flying in
for such an enormous extended time
i have lost my sight beyond that nest
in which i also had lost my soul
that cradled your most beautiful being
making all my flying and fruit gathering
now, utterly meaningless, tearing my heart
multiplying my tears to endlessly flow
while i struggle, in my mind, to let you go
No one is a match similar to her
She stands in the wind like a motionless stone
She stands the pain no one can stand
She cries to God, prays & reads
She is so good so unlike me though
I can never live the life she had & stay alive
She is like a white dot in this black world
She tries to forget, she tries to start again
But some people just can’t understand her torture
I try to support her as much as I can
But at the end, I have no effect
With all of this darkness, can I make it all go away?
I wish she had a peaceful life like other had
I’ll blame myself for being alive
If only just dad could understand her pain
He’d know after all is too late that this is the best wife
Anyone could ever imagine!
I love her so much, I wish anyone would listen
To the love & sadness she had been through
I blame my dad for every tear that had fallen
Oh I’m sure some magic spell had changed him
Why is this life so a cursed pain
I hate everything that happens here!
If only I had an arrow, I’d throw it right into that man’s face
So he’d know he’s the worst creature ever made!!!
This year I won't write Santa,
Instead I'll write the President.
I won't forget to five-space indent,
Or write, Sincerely, George; from Atlanta.
I hope he reads all his notes, like Santa,
For at Christmas, he takes time to listen.
To a little boy that feels so sad,
Because all year he've missed his dad.
My dad is quite a brave man,
To go and serve in foreign lands.
Mom says, I must be real strong,
A sad letter to the President would be wrong.
My mom is always right,
Though, I must write to him this night.
I won't write a sad letter to him at all,
I'll write, "hope you have a ball."
I know he'll spend time with his dad,
His dad must be really proud and glad.
He'll have all his love ones with him,
"Ho-Ho, Merry Christmas to all of them."
And I cried like a girl
when a body is pulled out of a river, or
the sea,” it’s just like a big piece of soap”
my dad told me, a police-man for thirty years
who battled drunken Scotsmen and the cost of
living and brought us all up
and he told me he could drive drunk because he had
“the badge of immunity” because they all looked after each other
(as if we didn’t know)
then, he began to die and it took a long time
covered in sores and oxygen to die (Jesus!)
and he looked at me and said,” this is what
you’ve got to look forward to”
then he added “when we were young we
were afraid of no man”, and he sucked desperately at
the oxygen and his face was red and puffed
and I wanted to call out “dad! dad!”
and he lay in a river of pillows (like a Viking)
but he was dead
and I cried like a girl and kissed my brother
and mum and sisters
and my brother’s crew cut was spiky
my sisters and mum’s hair was soft and perfumed
and police men are looking younger
pull soap out of rivers, make love
and get drunk and fight everyone …
and then one day they lie in a river of pillows
and say “we were afraid of no man”
He has a trigger
but doesn't own
He likes to play
but never allows
Himself to have any fun.
Drinks too much alcohol
trying to dull his pain.
He is as brash as he is
won't hesitate to tare you
Apart just because he can
but who is this man....
As he grows weaker
his life regrets cut in a little
Abuses alcohol to dull his pain
To proud to say I'm sorry he
take that pride to his grave.
I love that man regardless of all
His done, he taught me right from wrong
Who is this man he is my dad
i'm hurting right now this is like a blog except i haven't quite found out how to work some of
those yet but i'm a foster kid my mom abandoned me when was 10 she doped me off at a
gas station and left me there about 2 or 3 hours later my dad came to pick me up and i went
to live with him i no mom and my dad is the biggest jerk in the world i just recently stoped
that relationship a day before his birthday and boy is he punishing me i he basically
abandoned me to even if i wanted to start a relationship again i don't think he would i want
ready i had been through alot he was in prison most of my life and i never saw my mom
cause she was always bar hopping never taking care of he kids i have 7 sisters and 3
brothers and i'm the oldest 15
well on the 10th of September but i'm close poetry is all i have i'm diagnosed with
Depression it sucks thats why i have sad poems sorry. my dad wont let me see my sisters or
my brother it sucks and i miss them sooo much i have to force myself to eat and its hard to
sleep it sucks but thats just me i cant go 1 day without crying i'm a recovering alcoholic the
world sucks but i'm in it and i have to be strong and deal with it thats just the way it is ive
never lived in one place for over to years so ive lived in pretty much every place in
Wisconsin lol it sucks why am i telling u this because i want you to know why my poems are
the way they are i'm not insane in just cortney theres alot of stuff that has happed to me
some ill never forget thanks for reading my poems
love cortney stone
We spoke today,
and we haven't spoken in a while,
Mom is in the bedroom,
and Dad in the basement,
I'm on the bed- crying like a child,
and although all windows are shut,
a wind filters in,
that old echo
the silent echo,
when the dead echo their name,
abuse, abuse, abuse,
"we lived once and were children,
but then we were abused,
so I'm crying like a child,
and know abuse,
but life went on and scars
refused to let the pain sink in,
and abused my verse,
and never wrote with my own hand
just a dead man's eyes
and the hatred of my father
who knew abuse,
and gave it like a regifted toaster at a wedding,
a toast that's burnt with obligation,
and consistency, always burnt,
abused, crushed, ashes
as those cherished china vases where the dead poets
smugly held their noses high as I sniffed their poetry,
laid to rest in that cemetary where the wind blew,
and came home,
and left a gentle music as I spoke with my mom,
and my dad stayed in the basement and pretended he cared I was home,
and I'm not crying anymore,
because we heard the echo and didn't ignore it today.
I still see my dad in my dreams man
So in reality its like he never left me man
He told me not to walk on unsecure bridges man
That tells me that my dad still has my back man
I trust that to my homeboys whats up
From kj all the way to Big Russ
Life is like a test take ya time dont rush
Cause if you fail it man..you will be crushed
Whats up Big Weezy(lil bro) imma be your light
Im your guide man everything gone be alright
Ive done alot of things in my life despite
The help of my loved ones who kept my game tight
Everytime I try to stop he keeps drawin me in
Say imma drink punch....Then I add the gin
So many drunken nights....I dont know where to begin
I try to be good....then it just turns into sin
People used to say "dont forget me Dave"
So no matter if i know you or not i still wave
Ya gotta learn to make people happy today
Let em live through you so they can feel the play
Keep ya head above water so that you dont drown
Just shrug it off man if them boys try to clown
Its the devils job to keep that frown
Turn that frown upside down Charlie Brown.
Gifts you received are eternal
Irreversible, divine, one of a kind
Gifts you asked for
Gifts you get just because
I looked up to you
only to be shot down by your soul
I was blinded by the lies you told me
Blinded by the truth they hid.
I thought you were my one and only,
the other half of my life...
But you did those things to hurt me.
Life was the murderer,
But you were the bullet that drove deep into my heart,
That i will never forgive,
And i slowly ripped it out
But you will forever stay in.
A love not to be forgotten
After the disaster, after the misery
Little sister of mine begged my dad for chicks
He tried to convince her what a bad idea it is
How a hard caring takes to keep them alive
How a rise in temperature or decrease in temperature
May cause their death.
She didn’t get convinced, she is so stubborn
So dad said louzana so do you want one?
I my voice was weak, my sorrow increased, and I said no...
I went to the room, tried to study, and then fell in tears
I couldn’t imagine how life is without him
I couldn’t let go of him, I couldn’t believe he was gone
Dad, sisters came, six chicks they brought
Dad the room entered; told me the news:-
I two chicks have brought you
I smiled untruthfully at him and went to take a glimpse
Six chicks sticking together seeking warmth; their sight softened my heart
Gave a feather to my stone -frozen soul
I looked at them, carried them out of their box resistance
They started to poo, the other drinking the pee of another
They seemed stupid and small
The room called I went back to it
2nd day, somehow better, selected two of then and marked them red and blue
3rd day , took one-hundred and something pics of them.
Day 4 , someone died.
Day 5, someone died .
Day 6, someone died .
Day 7:- blue disappeared and was gone.
Day 8:- three were left: red, green and green
My love grew wider to red, he started to love me
He started to sleep in my palm, and run after I go
I love you red, forever, and eternity
I gave them all the love I can afford
My sister made a woolen jacket for him
He wore it and slept in it a thousand times
The days past and his strength became sightless and the day became darker,
I looked at his little- small yellow face
And see him trying to sleep on his fellow friend green
Three days past, and he continued his suffering in them day by day, hour by hour, second by
second, breath skipping breath
The days in their youngness and the chick in his last age…
My tears fell from the breath-taking scene and heart rending moment
I prayed and cried and begged and lied, what shall I do?
The 3rd day first morning woke up, the maid threw him away; found him all over ants,
All without breath.
I knew this day would come but I never thought it’d be too close
I never wanted his death to be too slow
But this is life, some people die, others are meant to stay
Don’t know what is comin, feelin some guilt, never know who’d be the one
Who would stay and share a partnership of a lifetime
Tired, exhausted working 2, 3 sometimes 4 jobs
Is what mama had to do to keep a roof over our heads
Raised by brothers and sisters never seen mothers face
Was what i had to go throught on a daily base
To think mama had to do it on her own
Why because you were behind bars with a foggie mirrow and a bed
Given everything you needed clouths, food and more
Never had to work to survive behind those silver doors
You though we lived in paradise but in truth we were on the road to the after life
In my eyes the world was nothing but endless darkness
And my escape was my emotions being spilled on a page that was ment for you
To believe the girt i recieved from you was a knife plunged into my back
At that moment in time my wolrd came tumbling down
Shattered into a million peices that will never be found
Can't believe i let my self be fouled into thinking your a fantastic dad
But in thruth your only a clown
A joke that's what you are a child stuck in a 50 year old man
The mask you've worn for so many years has finally sunck so deep it made you blind
You can't see your choices and mistakes are what make your binds
You went so low to take mama's life
Why because she wanted out of the marriage and you out of her life
I remeber the day as though it were yesterday images replaying itself just by your name
You banging on the door to let you in
Saying if we dont today will be are end
That was the first time i seen big sister so scared
Crying and screaming with all her might for help
That was torture to bear
Looking into mama's eyes there was nothing but fear
Not for herself but her children who were there
Crying there eyes out and screaming for there mothers help
To think the man i once called father the one who gave me life
Who told me multiple times he'd always be there is my greatest fear
Everyday before i walk out the door of my house
I close my eyes lift my hands and pray to the lord
Hoping he'd bring back the gently kind man that i held so dear
But iknow in my Mind and in my Heart it's
only and Open Fantasy
Hey dad this is for you
Why did you leave me?
I am alone with no guidance
Every time I have a birthday and never get a card
I remember the pain you caused
Throughout my last 19 years
It aint easy to grow up without you
But I made it and I am stronger than ever
But I made it and am stronger than ever before
Daddy why did you say good bye
And stop talking to me
All I want is to get a card from you or something
I sit here every day and am stuck with the sad truth that you wouldn’t send it
I don’t know what to do
I am lost without you
But you never send for me
I sat there for 19 years praying hoping to see you
And then the day came
I saw you for a few years and you disappeared again
Leaving me without a man in my life
I had no male guidance to speak of
But I had my three headed mother that will ever live on
I hope to see you still
No matter the pain caused you are still my dad and I love you
Just remember you have a son who cares and is old enough to understand
All I want is to talk
Something for me to know you care and haven’t forgotten about me
Just haven’t forgotten me or else
I would truly be lost for good
No one will help me
I will be lost forever and never to be found
No matter what they do
The only cure would be you saying I love you
I need dad more than ever and don’t know to do without you
On dead, dry, summer afternoons
I used to watch my dad work around the lawn
his dusty, brown work gloves carried the wheel barrow
or leaned the shedding ladder against the house.
The briny voice of the radio tells the score
while the sun plays in the trees.
I make my own games on the ground.
Later, Mom will call the dogs in
and Dad will lay the fertilizer over the yard.
tangy rays of sunlight will cut across the barbwire
and cars will pass the mailbox home from work,
so they can enjoy BBQ dinner.
parked in a circle.
A modern wagon train.
Inside the sanctuary of the circle,
instead of children playing as they did
in the days of the covered wagons -
empty bottles, a gas stove,
bags of dog food, wrinkled clothes, wet towels,
folding chairs and food wrappers.
Everything is varnished
with a blue, wet cold.
Mom, Dad and teenage boys spend a lot of time
inside the vehicles with their dogs.
They read, listen to the radio,
play with damp cards, tell stories, and dream of the
time when they can have hot water
tumbling over them in their new home.
They are up at four to start the cars
to warm up a bit.
Then, a few hours of sleep
before the little car pulls out in the dark,
on it's first mission of the day to
take the boys to school, a few miles away.
Four dogs. Two brown ones,
one black and white one, and a new, brown
one rescued when a far-away, family member died during
their stay in the church field.
The black and white dog
runs out to the end of his
rope until it is stopped quick with the choke chain.
They all would like to get away, off their chains...
The boys, wash their long hair from
water warmed a bit in the sun on the hood of dad's car.
Sometimes I catch mom or dad drying their hair
with big, orange towels.
Some mornings, I see them walk over the dirt
hills of the bicycle park
They walk slowly, carrying their towels
and the weight of their plight.
I didn’t sleep last night; Ma’am was in a very nice mood Yesterday
That scares me : would punishment be twice as bad today
Millie was the only one all she got was a “unheard” verbal warning
I’ve lived here 10 months next week, I’ve never seen such a Monday
I awoke very early yesterday ,I wanted to talk to “DAD” before work
As Dad and I were talking : Ma’am in sheer silk pajama’s , my eyes decline
Good Morning “Mom” (we could say “ Mom” when DAD was there)
I’ll be going upstairs Ma’om I hope that sounded like MOM : “Please”
Oh, Harry ; you don’t have to go upstairs : Talk with your Father “Eggs Anyone”??
My Heart is beating quickly , Something is wrong, Ma’am being nice????
In front of a child, in front of his “DAD” six Years old and I could feel Death
As The Station Wagon backed to the end of the driveway “ See you on the weekend”
"GOODBYE DAD" as I turned the sunlight shinning On Ma’am's transparent form
Harry go upstairs and wake everyone up It’s family Breakfast day ( NEVER BEFORE)
If only We could have seen the future Would any of us got out of bed “TUESDAY “??
TODAY life starts again
Evil was thwarted
What will Tomorrow BRING?
Maybe the family from the dreams of my YOUTH
That FAMILY is YOU : “POETRYSOUP”
The father dragged the boy into the room and pushed the violin into his son’s hands. It felt heavy, heavy with the weight of expectations.
“You will play beautifully.” He thundered as he turned to leave, “I will not allow you to fail.”
“But father,” the boy replied, “I don’t want to play the violin.”
“I will lock you in this room until you understand.“ His tone was firm, “I do not want you to regret not being able to play, as I do.”
The door was locked.
The boy looked at the violin in disgust, he played, and he grew bored. He stared at it as time spilled out. He kicked the door, he shouted for release. There was no reply. The violin mocked him. He hated it, he played again and its tune was different.
His father returned, standing in front waiting patiently was the boy, violin in one hand and bow in the other.
“I understand now father.” The boy announced.
“You can play?”
“No”, said the boy, “But I’ll never regret it.”
He comes to visit twice a week
He only stays a little while
He tries to talk to hold his hand
He knows you can't understand
Dad sits in his wheelchair
Looking out the window
Daydreaming of being free
Looking to see what ever there is
Just not looking for me
His mind has left him
His body is weak
He is a fragile old soul
His spirit is meek
He doesn't know me
Or anyone at all
For the past
In his heart
What was first
I hold his hand
He clings to mine
He mumbles and stares into the air
I brush his balding head
With my hand
I wish I could stay longer
But Dad doesn't know
I see him for me
I see him for me
I'm his host and he my guest
Just for seconds
A minute or so
His eyes see me
His face smiles recognition
I smile and close my hand
Thank you Dad for your visit
It was good to be with you again
I wish we had longer
But I really must go
This place is nice
They take good care of him
So twice a week
I see him there
And I hope
He visits me
TO; CHUCK, DAD, MOM. & LARRY
Dear Chuck, Dad, Mom, & Larry
I thought of you all again today
As I always think of you all
As each day goes by
I miss the togetherness
I miss the visiting
I miss the calling
I miss the talking
I find things have changed
In ways I sometimes don't understand
As I get up each day I expected to see you
I know your not missing nor are you dead
I know your still alive as I am always thinking of you
as I know I will be with you all when my time comes
yes I know your in a better place waiting for me
Yes God has you all now
Yes all I can do is wait till we meat together again
As I do God's work
I find that some how your words still reach me
Yes I am filled with your presents once again
I do love and miss you all very much
As some day we will be together again
So till then I will be solace
And to remember you and think about you daily
will have to do till we meat in Heaven once again
In memory of Chuck 1999, Dad 2000, Mom 2007, Larry 2011
Rev. Samuel Mack, OMS, DD
Shivering nights follow me as my stomach grows
I feel her inside me
I can picture her face, smile, personality
Worth such a huge future
But I couldn’t give it to her
I’m not ready…
He doesn’t want her
We couldn’t handle it
The pressure, the responsibility
And god the things that are happening to my body
I’m not ready
My mom cries whenever she looks at me
My dad doesn’t even look
I couldn’t take care of her by myself
Maybe…maybe I can give her away
To a family that could love her until I’m ready
There’s so much I haven’t done
Goals I haven’t fulfilled
All my dreams are gone
Because of a mistake
A onetime mistake
I learned my lesson
But I can’t take care of this baby
She needs so much more,
She deserves so much more
I can’t let her come into this world like this
I’m not ready
Its ok mommy
You don’t have to worry
You’re not alone
I still love you
You can still follow your dreams if you try
And teach me how to do right
I’m going to be a sweet baby
People are going to call me your twin
Don’t you like the sound of that mommy?
I promise to do my best in everything
So I can make you proud mommy
When I come
We’ll have each other
And that’s all that's going to matter
We’ll prove everyone wrong
And do better than anyone expected
We can do it mommy
You can do it
I believe in you
I can’t do this
I’ll try again when I’m ready
It’s not even alive yet
So it’ll be ok
He said he would leave me
My dad said I was stupid
And my mom…
She had such high hopes and dreams for me
I can still do it
I can make them proud
But not with this thing growing in me
It can’t feel anything
And later on ill be the best mother ever
But not now
I’m not ready
Many months ago, a man from Middleton moved to,
A province of vices and soured delinquencies
Where dreams remain dreams
And reality seems unnatural
Like angels and demons in a guileful romance
Few months ago, a young enforcer was stationed
At the city of madness where reason has no reason
To be a reason, the city stood on a wild-wind bedlam!
Moans, groans and squeals were bedtime songs
That cradles everyone to sleep
The man from Middleton, my dad, a conformist preacher
A norm embedding parson passing creeds
From his forefathers to me, the enforcer, his seed -
He is the pioneer of my creation
An astute fellow to the bone
I live his air and breath his life
Just like him, I'm never pliant
Wrong is wrong and right is right
'No matter whose ox is gored'
That I've learnt, I've mastered and revered
One daring day, amid vast numbers of outlaws
A dare-devil hooped into the enforcer's bay
His face was masked with effronteries of crime
And calmly, he strolled to a safe like he owns it -
An enforcer skirmishes him halfway to the safe-room
But was overpowered and subdued with a deadly choke
And within the barriers of life and death
The man from Middleton who seeks the well being
Of his son; the son staring and clinging to deaths' strings
He man took a baseball bat and hit his head
And when the outlaw charged,
He hit him with a blow on the chest
And the outlaws' soul flee the earth
But he did something extraordinary'
He repeatedly clubbed his remains to mutilation
"Father, you just killed a man"
I've sworn to you to solemnly uphold
Your sacred transferals in me as my ethical fealty
In which laws aren't dared but held in esteem,
My call to the Force was like that of a messiah
You knew that just like I too - very well;
"For if there was a crime, damn all involved and
Make the call asap" these were your words -
Your norm, my belief, a practical now -
When guilt smolders his old face
I grabbed the phone and thumbed 911...
"Howard woncha say a few wurds?
Cum on Howard like over tha bird."
Says Aunt Jen visitin' fer the holeeday.
Weuns are seated tha eight of us at this here sumpchus dinner table,
Lookin' at the damndest big brown poultry ya iver seen.
Howard ma Dad is jist liftin' a forkful a meat drippin' gravy an dressin'.
Tha rest of us heseetate not knowin' what's a cumin.'
Our familee niver did give no thanks fer nuthin'.
Now dad lays down the heepin fork careful like chokes then beegins -
"Weeeellll Lord I chased ol' Mahitabel all roun' tha yard.
She knew what was a cumin' an' diseepeered inta the rushes by tha pond.
Couldn't see her nohow but put a barrel-full inta the weeds anyways
Heered this here squawk!
Looked all through tha stalks fer old Mahitabel,
Niver found her
But! Lord we do now thank ye most bounteefullee fer this here swan.
You left us as the snow fell one cold December day
Six years ago soon it will be
Every Christmas since is not the same
But God called you away that day
I wish we had talked more when you were alive
Stories of who you were as a child
But you did not have a good childhood
And it caused you pain to remember
As a dad you worried to extreme I thought
Even about things you couldn’t change
I realize why after all these years
You were afraid of death and loss
You lost your father when you were a young teen
And this changed your world forever
Being the oldest your family depended on you
So childhood passed you by
I understand so much more now Dad
Your sacrifices you made in your life
I never thanked you for all you did
So I hope you can read this from heaven
In closing Dad I just want to say
I love you and miss you every day
Every time I watch a beautiful sunset
I think of you and say thank-you
For a young boy in
1951 things were not
School friends I had
none, had no one
to turn to.
Knew that my dad
had a great collie
Loved this dog
so, as he loved
me, even more.
I had been down
to my dad's farm
many a time,
shep and me
on and on for hours
One glad day
my dad paid
my mom and
me a visit,
said how would
you like to have
shep for your
My mom said
yes and I of course
became the happiest
kid in the world.
Not knowing all
the fun that this
dear dog and I
for many a,
year nor many
friend would give me.
wrote 8-27-08 NOTE HERE
Dad gave shep to me because he said
that he was a chicken killer and an egg sucker he told me,
that once a dog did that you could never break them. and if i didn't take shep
he would have to have him killed. Many years later I did break shep of these things. My
dad could not believe it. He told me shep must be one special dog.
You know what dad, He was.
You walked on this earth
with a cross upon your shoulder.
You waltzed into Heaven
with a harp in your hands
you left us with a message
that will help us to grow older~
and a trail that we can follow
by your footprints in the sand.
As a gift you left your smile
that would soften our hearts,
and the memories of a childhood
we shall treasure with each day.
You lived a happy lifetime
but now as you depart
that broken peace
of us that hurts
still yearns for you to stay.
The world is a lonely hunter
since your feather flew away
dancing like "Bojangles"
on a cotton colored cloud~
searching for a rainbow
that will brighten rainy days,
while singing all your love songs
to the Keeper of the crown.
I see the then
As if it were now
I trust that I shall
See you then
The door stands open
As you muster
Out of yourself
Denied your burden
Your weathered shell
That unfettered soul
While the cat slept
And the clock crept
I draw now as then
The reach of arms
That taught me to hold
I feel them now
Lifting me up
To stumble once more
Help me stand
Upon the floor
You teach me to walk
I step toward
The whole of you
Beyond the door
Like a spell
Wafting over the years
Of daddy’s room
Of hope not fears
Of life poured
And poured well
I feel you Pop
I feel your smell
Tis our song
in my ears
Five by five
In the song
Not the tears
Life surges around
Its my lips
Taught them to sound
Hugging me off the ground
Now every day
A little boy does seek
Me a halo
Best day of the week
Coming home from school to a steaming hot scone
That Mum’s has just made
Per chance to rest 1 head on your childhood dream infused
Feeling safe, warm, cosy
Intoxicated by the smell the carpet shed
While watched over by mum and dad sleeping in bed
Knowing that if we got sick a pan of lentil soup and
A hot bath would take care of it
Was sadly replaced by grown up stuff
And having to knock on the door of the place I called home
Which in a strange twist of fate I came to own
Doesn’t feel like home because Joby and Dad are not home.
When will thy father return?
For you have been
Gone far too long.
You are missed and you
Are loved, I wish you
Would come back for
You are a plane ride too far.
Thy father, I miss you
Gone too long,
I wish to see you soon.
Tomorrow would not
Be soon enough.
Thy father, you are missed.
I do regret having our times before as not well spent
I love you for every thing that you are and for every place that we have been
I open my heart and leave it unguarded to you, waiting as patiently as one in love can
I wanted you to see what I have become
I wanted to lock hearts with you somewhere out in the open
As two people fighting for each others love each grasping to win
I'm a little lost in your love and all these people do make it a sin
I want to share a phrase of love, It is- I will promise to always give in
Your my husband I shouldn't have to break you
And that is my biggest sin, in one way or another I should learn to give
Learn to give, the feelings,the understandings learn to add lib
But today I guess I'll just sit here hoping
That our love will carry you here
Tomorrow may bring every emotion I have to give
And today I decided that there is nothing to forgive
It took ten years or more
It took 70 thousand miles
It took repeating history (in my own way)
It takes a lifetime
It took the loss of my Father
It took and it’s still taking
It takes a lifetime and that’s the rub
Whether spent in the Chapel or the local Pub
Reap what you sow
Yes, it really has a meaning
The things that shall grow
Take the colour of your actions
Will you be proud of the fruit
Or bury what is born of your evolution?
How much longer, God?
Until my soul is clean.
How long must I live
Before I’m ripe, no longer green?
(God’s voice) That, my child, is unseen
For it takes a life time to give (and forgive)
And so it will take ten years or more
It might take most or all of my life
That I cannot repeat what I did before
But I might screw it up again. You know?
Reap what you sow
Yes, it really has a meaning
The things that shall grow
Take the colour of your actions
Will you be proud of the fruit
Or bury what is born of your evolution?
HOW SHOULD I KNOW?
I want to go out into the garden.
And be like Eve and Adam
How long did it take the Dinosaurs…?...
Did they ever know? Where did they go?
The foods that I left
In the altar that I wish
You reborn to another life
With my prayer to Buddha
To you my fullest love
You live in my mind forever and always
That morning, I thought I was dreaming
I heard my Dad say it, but I thought my ears were playing tricks on me
I didn't expect for this to happen to you
Well, at least not this soon
My Dad and aunts said they saw it coming
But the news to me was shocking
Every other time, you always pulled through
But this time, you must have been tired and answered when God called you
It seemed unreal to me
Because I was so use to you coming home and recovering
That's why it took me by surprise
When she called and said that you died
I thought I would've been brave and not shed a tear
But seeing that casket made it a reality that you were no longer here
I couldn't hold back the tears that were falling from my eyes
Because it had finally hit me that we were about to say our good-byes
They had you dressed so pretty in your bone white dress
And you laid nice and peaceful in your white casket
You looked so wonderful laying in your final rest
Knowing that you're now in peace and quiet
I still can't believe that you're gone to this day
But you lived a good life and it was your time to go away
We didn't wanted to let you go on that Thursday
But we had to on the twenty-eighth
My eyes filled with tears as I wrote this
Because even though you're gone, my love for you still exists
From that Thursday to that Wednesday, your children reminisced
About the old days with you and how you will be missed
I hope and pray that my sister and I won't face losing our parents no time soon
Because I look at us and see how we cried and miss you
I tell my family that I love them every day and night
Because I never know when it's going to be one of our time
To Grandma Lillian E. Glover
December 25, 1930-November 22, 2007
Missed sadly by loved ones
Yesterday my parents got drunk and wasted like every night but my dad did not
Have the right to say the things that were said and did now we all have tears to
Shed. The story is simple it just goes like this my dad left the room with blood on
His fist mumbling words witch were unknown but his voice had a very awkward
Then he collapsed on the floor and I rushed into the open door. When I saw my
Mom lying on the floor I grasped her tight and said, " I can’t take much more".
Then she opened her eyes and not thinking right pushed me away and grabbed
A knife she said her life was bad and that it was only getting worse and now she
Was gonna brake this awful curse. She said she wasn’t meant to live with tears
Running from her eyes but the sad part is she never said good bye with fear and
Anger bestowed upon her face she happily cut herself out of the human race.
Grasped the knife tight as I pleaded not this way and she stabbed it through her
Heart and with excruciating pain I grabbed her tight and never let go. But what
Really caught my ears was when she told me please don’t cry, I was meant to
I’m happy and now I’m free. But how could she do this awful thing to me I loved
Her so much but now all I can do is say be kind and helpful to your parents love
Them more the anyone else and hold them tight cause it could only that one
For something to go wrong them they will be gone so please for me hold them
Tight and even give them a kiss good night. My parents were drunk as usual and
Don’t believe they meant the things they said to me, my mom was sad and
By my dad, you see it can only take one stupid mistake from someone else to
Cause so much pain, and tears will be shed and my story will go on till everyone
Is dead. I love my mom so much but now all I can do is pray that she is happy
And that I can see her again but I hope deep and within that she will be my
Guardian angel my blessing from above but all I need now is a parent with love.
Teaching by Immersion
(A poem for my dad…)
When I was young
On the tiny island of Tonga
My dad taught me to swim
He said as he threw me
From the back of the boat
As the water closed
Over my head
I wasn’t afraid
I knew I could hold my breath
until someone above panicked
my dad would crash
into the water and lift me into the sun
I don’t remember ever
Being taught how to swim
I simply remember waiting
In the blue green blur
For my dad
Dad, I miss you
You have taught me so very much
When I needed a friend, you taught me how to be one
I skinned my knee, you picked me up, blew away the pain
When I fell from a tree you were there to pick me up
Dad, my dad how I miss you.
When the play ground was full we played alone
Tag..horse back rides...whatever made me happy
Never depend on any man, that's what you told me
I needed advice it was you who told me the truth
Even for the holidays we didn't have very much
But it was you who took a little and made a lot
You were my Santa in a suit just for me
You taught me to respect everyone despite their age
Love will open doors that have been closed for years-
I shall never forget that's what you said.
Because of you Dad I am me- with a lot of pride.
Dad, I miss you!
The day dad went HOME to be with JESUS,
was a very difficult one for you.
You were happy to know he was no longer suffering,
on the other hand, your heart was broken too.
You were together for many years.
You both had your ups and your downs.
Now that he was gone, you felt lost inside.
You didn't know what you would do without dad around.
The years went by. JESUS was there to comfort you.
THE LORD filled the emptiness you had in your heart.
You knew that one day, you would be reunited with dad again,
and then you would never be apart.
You said, never again.
Never again will I love another man like I love your dad.
We told you, don't ever say that, you never know.
GOD might have another plan.
THE LORD gave you a blessing.
HE gave you another companion and a friend.
HE knew what would be best for you.
HE wanted you to love again!
My dad has always been the one I would lean
on when times got bad, he would listen to
my dreams and fears the best friend I
would ever have.
But as I've grown and spread my wings
to leave his loving arms I went along my
own life’s path away from his healing charms.
As I sit alone and think of how a child
Will grow, theirs so many things about my
Life that I want my dad to know.
You were my friend my strength my will
that got me through each day.
You were my foe my enemy who would show me the right way,
The reason I have morals and believe in what is
right. The one who took time out of his day to
help me fly a kite.
The person I am the person I was the person will
be. I am Proud and glad, to say you are
Guiding light, my inspiration my dear dad.
Let me wipe away my tears and write
Truth be told you aren’t worth crying over
When I needed you, you were never supplying shoulders
Next week will be 8 years since you passed, but you weren’t there for the first 14 years of my life
When I was going in the wrong direction
You should have been there to steer me right
You should have shown me right from wrong and taught me lessons
Instead I had to listen to excuses and hear your lies
Raised in care I got to see you 6 times a year
You’d turn up drunk barely able to speak
And some people wonder why there’s something unstable in me
They’ll begin to understand when I rewind to here
Chasing after your love but you never gave me it
It should have made me quit
Should a child have to ask for love from their dad?
What about when I needed a hug or scared dad?
Never got a card from you on my birthday
You should have been there to tell me how to treat a girl when I had my first date
I had to figure it out for myself
Wanted your guidance, while some have there parents but ignore the help
I hate being alone when I start to think
The only thing you cared about was drink
The only thing that mattered to me was impressing you
Even though you weren’t there for all the stuff I was stepping through
I hate you, I love you, I miss you
Forget a rhyme I miss you
Which makes no sense how can you miss something you never had?
I’ll say R.I.P to you but I guess I was my own dad
I was told yesterday
That someone else will come and forever stay
At first, I was a little confused
Because I didn't understand the news
A few months later, I looked at my mother
And thought to myself, 'what's happening to her?'
They tell me I can't do this or that with her
We don't have fun together anymore, I wish she'd get better
Two more months went by
Then she was rushed to the hospital with pain and I wasn't told why
My dad put me in the car and drove so fast
Finally, we reached the hospital at last
My dad ran and he ran and he ran
He went to the back while I sat with family members and waited patiently not
knowing what's at hand
After two days of me and dad being alone
She was back home
This time with someone else
And I realize that it will no longer be me by myself
In the house they come with a little baby
They bypass me and I thought to myself, 'what about me?'
Days have gone by
And so many people have come, but passed me by
I no longer have fun with my mom and dad
So I go in my room to be alone and sad
The next day, grandma and grandpa came to see the baby
Again, I was bypassed
But this time I came out and asked
"What about me?"
Everyone was taken by surprise
I repeated myself and sat there and cried
They all came running to comfort me
And explained to me about the baby
And most of all that they didn't forget about me
Meeting Dad Again
Thirty years later, Dad came back
and we met for Ham and Yams at Toffenetti’s.
Pouring his tea, he told me he had
to restore power once
at a newspaper warehouse
and the storm broke again
and lightning cracked his ladder.
He spent the whole day, he said,
sitting in that dark warehouse,
waiting for the lightning to stop
and for the truck to bring a new ladder.
He had a great time, he said,
next to a flickering lantern,
reading for hours the Sunday comics
printed and stacked
six months in advance.
your not my dad
you only think you are
my dad isn't like you
my dad would take up for me
no matter the situation
my dad is my hero
the one i admire
the one i look up to
my dad doesn't lie nor steal from me
only honest and open with me
my dad gives me bear hugs
and speical kisses every night before bed
my dad wants to spend time with me,
loves to be with me
and knows who i am;
good and bad
my dad says 'I LOVE YOU' every day
WITH love and care
my dad would never give up on me
because of a women
he'd find the challange in it
and take it
but never give up
only you are not my dad
you only think you are
i know better
Some are lucky to never experience the HURTS
that I had to endure I never got to be a child
I grew older and older after each argument
after each tear
I grew up nervous
I don't know if god did this one purpose
But I always felt like I was going to lose something
So I held on tight
You could cut the tension with a knife
It was basic instincts
I hoped my mom and dad would stick it out
for better or worse
Worse I guess took over
because before you knew it
my dad wasn't living with us anymore
Even as a young girl I knew what that was about
I had tried so hard to get them to stay
To work on their love
I was a true daddy's girl so of course I missed him
The day my mom forgave him and let him come home
I held him even tighter
than you'll ever know
I think I could feel him slipping away
changing wave links
Even though I tried to cuff him to my hands
I will never understand
The tighter I held him
The quicker god formulated a plan
Than I lost him
Who are you, I was asked today
I started to be smart and say only my name
Again they asked who are you
But this time with a little attitude
I am a black young lady
Soon to be graduating with my Paralegal degree
I may not be graduating to be a lawyer
But I am somebody
I may not be
The perfect liitle girl my dad wants me to be
But we both seem to agree
That I am somebody
Yes, I may not have your money
And I may not be wealthy
But my mom and dad taught me that I don't have to have big money
Just know that I am somebody
To you I may be ugly
To you I may be pretty
But watch what you call me
Because I am somebody
You may see things in my past that wasn't done perfectly
It may now even affect me
But don't be so quick to judge me
Because I am somebody
You may laugh at me
Because I don't see myself the way you see me
I may not be better than you
But I am somebody
I don't want to be the President of the United States
Or the Ambassador of an overseas country
I don't know what my future awaits
But there's one thing I do know, that I am somebody
There are days when people belittles me
Life with them must be going terribly cause they appear to have low self-esteem
And feel like a nobody
Don't try to get me on that same page 'cause I know that I am somebody
I AM SOMEBODY!!!!