I think of all my smiles that I've worn,
which hide my sorrows underneath.
No one seems to notice that ,
I'm going through so much grief.
I cry and cry inside my pretty little tired eyes,
no one actually seems to realize,
what is presently going inside.
I'm going far away from everyone.
That no one seems to see my real pain.
My heart is totally broken after so much suffering,
unable to face anyone.
It feels like it's the last of my life,
As i have got no support by my side.
I have really started to abhor myself and
have started to find things quite uncertain.
I find people to be quite ignorant towards me,
as it is,i know they are idyllic without me.
I am very puzzled at present,
What to do?Is my situation.
I only meet illusive people in this inconsiderate world.
I am such a numpty person,
that in this world expect people to know my situation.
After knowing as it is they would remain ignoramuses.
Laying here ...
On the grass
Its such a peaceful night
Laying here ...
Slowly I inhale, exhale,
Look at all the beautiful diamonds
in the sky
I soon begin to visualize
Your perfect face,
your perfect smile
My mind quickly begins to
To the days when we were so
much more than Once upon a
I have but one regret in life
I let insecurities dictate how I
walked the line
Hand in hand
with ignorance and pride
So many feelings I held inside
The love of my life, I self
If only I had told you a long time
Your name is written on my
Your silhouette imprinted within
Maybe you would have never closed your door
on me ....
I cant get in.....
You have changed the lock
And now she holds the key.
My face is distorted
Is my real face even showing?
I don't know if I'm experiencing my true feelings
My love is true is yours?
I demand you and you shut the door in my face repeatedly
We have many years together and yet we have nothing
Our children see the real you
The real person I have seen since day one
I can't believe you let your love for society get in the way of my innocents
How dare you?
I have to be everything to them and it's not fair to them
They will grow up knowing I was the only consistency in their wee lives
Where is the outline for me?
Do you hear my screams? What about the silent ones?
I go without so much because my wee little ones need more than I
What do you go without?
I look in the mirror at myself
Who is looking back at me?
Is this really me? Is this really my life?
I stood by you through so much
The things you did the things you said to me
You have hurt me like no other has and yet I'm still here are you?
Emotionally I'm not here, My heart stays here, But I can't figure out where my mind is
Or where it all belongs?
I'm so torn, so broken, so numb
I guess I'm just going to be distorted for the rest of my time with you
I promised I would love you through everything and I have but where is the outline?
I don't see the real me and haven't in a long time thanks to you
I don't even do my hobbies anymore I just sit and watch the world as I call life pass by
Why do you want our wee little innocents to see this? what would posses you to?
If I broke my promise would I be submitted to the pits for enternity?
I gained so much and yet I lost more much
You hurt me with life itself and nothing but fear
Can you honestly tell me what have you lost you entire life?
It feels like a band-aid that I just can't take off no matter how I rip it off
Do I wear a mask over me? Does anyone see the real me anymore?
I hurt so much with you but yet I loved you for so long
I can't accept your I'm sorry pity excuses anymore
Is my face nothing to you? Does it mean nothing to you?
My heart feels so much anger, depression, emotions of not being wanted
Do you or have you ever felt this way?
I don't know what to believe in anymore
I feel like paper and I'm being torn into a million pieces
Or what if you are putting me through a paper shredder?
Is the real me even showing?
I know its the summer time because of how naturally
Your beauty compliments the caress of a summer breeze
As I watch the world from beneath a shady tree
I take in the delightful comfort of everything I see
But in the same breath I am holding up my hands
Lord will you please give me back the things I no longer have
They are even more a part of me now that they are gone
As the sun falls below where the horizon is still holding on
Somewhere between the falling light and a star lit night
Is a dream that last forever and will never say goodbye
As the wind gently blows through the brush and shakes the leaves
It begins to hum a melody that I want to sing
At that very moment I smile for all the joy I have
Its so uplifting for me to see melancholy dance
Soon the morning sun will rise and capture my eyes
As I watch the hand of God paint a brand new sky
With every stroke of color I swallow all my pride
And I find a new place to dream of endless times
If I should ever get to the place I left my broken heart
Only then will I believe this brand new day will start
Again Im reminded of why my heart beats so restlessly
Only the speed of thought and my soul beneath this tree
The immigration is coming for me
I live in a two bedroom house with eight other families
We will be deported, this process includes a meal, so our stomachs will be full
I dream at night for beans, rice and burritos
I cook my burritos in fat, heavy lard
I check my pockets, now I'm worried, I think I lost my green card
I have gas and burps because of the food
I want to make bambinos, but the senora is not in the mood
She's not ready, she says I'm pushing too hard
Now she's mad, flushes my wallet down the toilet, there goes my green card
Now rice and beans will be my meals three times a day
The immigration is the predator and I'm the prey
I sneak through a hole in the fence
This shows the border patrol is incompetent
I am again caught and sent back across the border
I will miss the reruns of Law and Order
Sam Waterson can't win a case, what a retard
This all goes back to when I lost my green card
i could sit here. day in and day out
thinking of the most proper way
to let the ink in the pen spill out
but as of late im feeling prehistoric
so much weight on my shoulders
and i dont know where to go
resuscitate my soul
look back up and head to the goal
so much evil around. i feel like the devils workin double shifts just to bring me down.
on the road to redemption
you can take a seat up in the front section
just so you can feel the emotions
in this electric notion
i've done a lot of things that hide the halo
let it all collaborate when i medicate
now look at me, mind workin like plato
formulate a new path to take so i can
maneuver through all the mistakes
we all know we cant change what we've already made
but we can change the next thing we create
startin to sound like a serenity prayer
5 steps till im thirty
and the twenty four before i was never a player
found out when the lights came back on im strictly a lover
its the strongest drink for your soul, when its thirsty
so careful how much you intake or be left hungover
even worse be the one she ran over
i dont mean to come off like im too deep
but the obstacles made there way through just to scrape through
and leave me suffocating
just for me to re-invent a new way to breathe, re-decorating
is your life so complicated
you rather wet up your pillows and revoke from the life you live
just think of your kids mourning
theyll never see that pretty face in the morning any more
cheer your self up
you got a lot to live for
your a gem and im that friend
trynna appraise the value
that you dont see inside of you
just another day for him
searchin wonderin what his purpose is
running in circles
till he found a way through all the turbulence
Here in the middle of the nothing I'm lost, I've wanted every single thing for me, i
wanted something better, but i just noticed that i already had every singel thing i
wanted, every single thing i needed, now i'm sailing alone looking for that thing i've
lost and now i need, i've lost something the biggest chest wouldn't hold, the money
wouldn't buy, i've lost you my heart.
to: ashton, the girl i miss so much
Thank you for the beautiful memory
you left on my mind
you are not dead
but you are not here,
to me you are gone,
cos i cant feel you the way i used to,
everything you used to do are left untouched
the space you ocupied is empty,
our yesterday is fading away like the rainbow
so beautiful but so short,
how can i forget the endless yesterday?
when you are here with me.
in loving memory of my sister (you are not an angel but you did what an angel can do,you fly to heaven.)
She lost her dad when she was only one.Now she's fourteen and feeling alone.
Feeling depressed not knowing who he was,asking questions what did he do,where was he from,how did he act ?
As she set there with all the questions going through her mind.Wondering was he like me ,was he a good dad?she just feels so mad.
Not knowing what he was like,making her heart ack each night.losing her dad so young,it isn't fun.
She has a step dad who has raised her since she was one ,who she loves with all her heart,but its not the same.All she has is a picture of him in a frame.
As she sits there wishing he was here
so she could say hi for the first time ,but she knows that wont happen so sad looking at his grave wondering why God had to take him away..,,,
Well at least he's in a better place way up in heaven space where angels fly and nobody cries.......but I'll always have questions flowing through my mind,,,,,,
It's hard to believe that i
i miss you,
and i will be missing you
I feel much pain
more that i would be
since i lost you.
I thought you're the one
to rescue my life;
My life from the struggle.
I know it's hard to find you
but still i believe that i
will meet you one day.
My sweet love,
who made you lost?
I will never forget you forever!
I say i miss you.