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Funny Abc Poems | Abc Poems About Funny

These Funny Abc poems are examples of Abc poems about Funny. These are the best examples of Funny Abc poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | ABC |

Idiots like you

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Idiots like you,
belong in a school'
Don't get upset,
I went there too,
I passed all my classes,
cuz I was smarter than you,
But hey don't you worry'
You wont be one for long'
Just pass all your classes,
Go on what you waiting for,
an invitation?
No I don't think so 
go right now.


Details | ABC |

Errata Poem

"A person's tongue is a twisty thing, 
     there are plenty of words there of every kind, 
         and the range of words is wide, and their variation." 
               -- HOMER, The Iliad


When I say ice cream read I scream
When I say phonology read phone allergy
When I say insinuate read in sin you ate
When I say four candles read fork handles

When I say mint spy read mince pie
When I say greénhouse read green hoúse
When I say bláckboard read black boárd
When I say mesher read measure

When I say Alpine read alpine
When I say vowels read dishtowels
When I say Homophone read home on phone
When I say Polish read polish

When I say sonorant son of ant
When I say i.c.u. read I see you
When I say Lent read lent
When I say Turkey read turkey

When I say euthanasia read youth in Asia
When I say depreciate read deprecate
When I say farther read further
When I say collision read collusion

When I say endocentric read exocentric
When I say pharynx read larynx
When I say thought read though
When I say phonemic read phonetic

When I say weather read whether
When I say China read china
When I say call on phones read allophones
When I say stuffy nose read stuff he knows

~~~~~~~~~~~*******~~~~~~~~~~~
© Joseph, 10/4/08
© All Rights Reserved
~~~~~~~~~~~*******~~~~~~~~~~~

Comments:  The Errata poem is based on mistake in speech or speaking, a Freudian slip,
mispronounced words, homophonic pronunciation, etc. Paul Muldoon from Ireland, and 
Charles Simic from Yugoslavia wrote Errata poems based on this definition.  The Errata poem 
is a Linguists paradise.

~~~~~~~~~~~*******~~~~~~~~~~~

Joseph S. Spence, Sr., is the author of "The Awakened One Poetics" (2009), which is 
published in seven different languages. He invented the Epulaeryu poetry form, which 
focuses on succulent cuisines and drinks. He is published in various forums, including the 
World Haiku Association; Poetinis Druskininku, Milwaukee Area College, Phoenix Magazine; 
Möbius Poetry, and Taj Mahal Review to name a few. Joseph is a Goodwill Ambassador for 
the state of Arkansas, USA, a college faculty, and a military veteran.

~~~~~~~~~~~*******~~~~~~~~~~~


Details | ABC |

ABC doodle

**ABC  FUN**

Funny vs' Rude~~
agrestic bugaboo creeps, dandle 
'each-
other', footle  gleeking,
happy, izzat...jillick, kibitz, ludic, 
maffick, nothosonomia, 
osculating, proudly,  quizzing, riant, 
squabash, 
to unstable void, whelm, Xanthippe, 
yodle, zingy. 
*

Dark Death~~
aphotic burnt cardinal debris 
everywhere,  flammeous, 
growing haematic,  igniting, 
jeopardizing, killing, lava, 
madness, numb, 'Oppositional-
Defiant', 
pulse, quantity, 
rage, staged, tempered, under, 
virescent, watch, XXX, yield, zero. 
*

Dream a little Dream~~
Accelerator, beating, captivating 
dreaming, eruption, 
fingerprints, ghost haunting, 
invading, 
journey, 
'keebler-keeper', labyrinth, magic, 
nightmare, odyssey, 
path, quarantine, rainbows, snakes, 
'tossing&turnning', 
unconsciously, vertigo, 
'wakening2wetness', x-rated, 
yawning, 
zoomed.   
*

Dedicated and inspired by; Yasmin 
Khan

By;pd


Details | ABC |

My Father's cleats

 It’s funny how my father’s hobby became mine. He has been a sportsman all his life, he played basketball, volleyball and softball all his youth, but his real passion is soccer and even though he is 55 years old now, he still keeps playing it and loving it. He has had all kinds of cleats, all brands, all colors, different styles, but it does not change anything, he still plays amazing. But one thing I do find hilarious is that every time he comes from a game, he cleans his cleats, he washes them and takes them with such an unbelievable affection, that I’m beginning to think that he might love them more than he loves me, but now I do know the feeling of a new shiny, hard and beautiful pair of cleats. I still recall when he took me for my very first pair, I could not believe he was doing it for me, I was so excited, but now I realize that what I was excited about is that I could be like my father for just a moment when I had them on. Ever since I was little, I remember my daddy playing soccer, leaving home all dressed up, ready to fight, and win the ball to make a remarkable roll on the field. The playing field that we both love, the field all covered in grass, all green, so delicious and soft, so colorful… being crashed by everyone’s cleats and the rolling ball, feeling the sunlight on our skin, and the wind on our faces. Having a team, an extra family with whom we could find support and create new ideas, new plays so we could smash the opponent. So yes, I loved watching him play and cheering him up more than I could ever like watching official and famous soccer teams. I do find funny the fact that my father’s hobby became mine since everyone says we’re too similar, and even though he also has a son, his daughter is with whom he shares that connection. I love the fact that our simple relationship was started thanks to such a manly sport, and curiously, to transform me into such a girly girl.


Details | ABC |

I Lost My Green Card

The immigration is coming for me 
I live in a two bedroom house with eight other families 
We will be deported, this process includes a meal, so our stomachs will be full 
I dream at night for beans, rice and burritos 
I cook my burritos in fat, heavy lard 
I check my pockets, now I'm worried, I think I lost my green card 
I have gas and burps because of the food 
I want to make bambinos, but the senora is not in the mood 
She's not ready, she says I'm pushing too hard 
Now she's mad, flushes my wallet down the toilet, there goes my green card 
Now rice and beans will be my meals three times a day 
The immigration is the predator and I'm the prey 
I sneak through a hole in the fence 
This shows the border patrol is incompetent 
I am again caught and sent back across the border 
I will miss the reruns of Law and Order 
Sam Waterson can't win a case, what a retard 
This all goes back to when I lost my green card


Details | ABC |

The Vent

im livin in a world, where all eyes on me.
trying to curve my own route.
but route 66 keeps finding its way to me.
ive been plenty sick, in all the events layed before me.
even when i reflect to my lowest points
i dont regret any of the choices
That I’ve deployed in my era
A lot of it by error, but hey
We live in hell conditions and there ain’t no air condition 
Or any guidelines when life throws you in the sidelines
But when hindsight twenty twenty hits
You’ll begin to understand life’s a bunch of equations and you in the mix of it
An you’ll have to think twice, before running into a situation and becoming the best of it
Situations
it’s what got me here, it’s what got us here
Ran with my thoughts blazing up to her place and
Guess what happened next
She opened up heaven’s gate
And just before late I slipped out
Simply put 
I’m a Grown ass man
Doin his thing, waitin to blow up like an old land mine
In doin what he drools over
But time after time 
Something decides to creep up and cover the light
Lost my way
Then I revoked to ever know, I ever thought that way
But in the in between time, that in the mean time 
Spent a lot of time
Gettin pissed off just to medicate and lift off
Don’t need Don Perion to sip off
Already had my way with the bottle
Even thought to get back with the trouble and rejoin the hustle
That’s just what happens to a man who really knows his old ways
Whos tired of making ends meet and ponders getting back to the streets.
Memory sets in and he remembers an O.G. saying
No matter how tall your pockets stand when you ball
Eventually times gonna make you fall
Fall
And I as I pull myself together 
I don’t wanna end up like the twin towers rubble
I mean no offence to nine eleven but at that time I probably could have used a reverend
But all that’s irrelevant now
because i live with a different perspective now

there you go you made it to the end :-) comment if you like, constructive criticism wanted as well.


Details | ABC |

Black Jack

Black Jack dealers
Counting money
Dealing the cards
Effortlessly,
Taking all my money!!!!


Details | ABC |

odd coffee date

All was going well until she asked for a drink
Then my stomach started to sink
She ask “do you have coffee?”
“no it’s OCD”

Stood up, turned 80 degrees
Counted my steps, ones and threes
Get the scales and measure the grains
In nerves, must not make any stains

Add the milk, not too much
Now the sugar, just a light touch
Click the kettle, watch my watch
If she was Irish, I could always add scotch

Click! Pour the water
63 mm size always matters
A quick stir, a wee bit slower
Too high make it lower

Turn clockwise, go for the door
Marching like in the marine corps
There she is lying in a heap
I was  hours, she’s fast asleep


Details | ABC |

Movie Mayhem---and I'm Exhausted

"American Grafitti" took me back again to High School in the 1960's
"Back to the Future's" nifty hot rod took me back in time and almost left me!

"City Slickers" took me way out west, to rustle cows and ride a horse
"Da Vinci's" code, did not bode well, the Vatican did not endorse!

"E. T. " turned out to be my friend, we peddled bikes far past the moon
"Forrest Gump" shared my lunch, and shared his chocolate just past noon

"Groundhog Day" is darn confusing, is it Monday or is it Tuesday?
"Hannibal" is one cruel dude,..........he sharpens teeth so he can chew me!!

"I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry" invited me to toast their wedding
"Jaws"  invited me to take a swim!   Those who did, were soon regretting!
 
"King Kong", was one poor ape who climbed too high for past mistakes, 
"Lincoln" had too much at stake, but ended war between the states

"Mummy 1" and "Mummy 2"   made me cry for Mommy,...PLEASE!
"No Country for Old Men"...but young dudes look, and want to leave!

"O' Brother Where Are Thou?"  escaped their chains to play like Ringo
"Psycho's" bathtubs scare me silly, my next motel will be Flamingo's

"Quarantine" because I'm sick? If  I stay in bed, they call me lazy
"Rosemary's Baby"...yikes that kid? Babysit....?? Are you crazy?

"Superman" claimed that he could help me, but flew away with no advice
"Titanic" hit a piece of ice, (that Superman was not so nice!)

"Unforgiven" (now is Superman)...Clint Eastwood is the slicker guy
"Valkyrie"'s plot has thickened...Let's all poke Hitler in the eye!

"When Harry Met Sally" I was jealous....her cafe' scene has made me blush
Xanadu had me roller skating.......racing faster, while I'm dating

"Young Sherlock Holmes" was just a kid, I kid you not, he met his Watson
"Zoolander" 's slacks were Cuban made..  I borrowed some and they were awesome!

(and I'm exhausted!) 





______________________________________________
For Cyndi's exhausting ABC contest!! Whew!


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DEBrannosaurus Guzzicus

Another big carnivorous dinosaur eagerly fractures Grindel’s hide. Initiating jerky 
kick-arse lunges mother never ordered. Precisely quantified results show two 
underworld villains where Xavier yelps zigzagging!  

Zounds! yells Xavier. Where victory unearths terrors, simply raucous quadrupeds 
pale! Ordinarily, nameless mating lovers kill jaded, inept, husbands. Grindel feels 
eager, daddy can bellow apologetically!

And blue constellations distract effectively firing Grendel’s hormones into joyous
leaping kicks. Lovers make numerous overtures. Party queen roars. 
Several tyrannosaurus underlings vanish with Xavier’s yammering zeal!   


*Category 3 any old dino verse


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