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Abc Depression Poems | Abc Poems About Depression

These Abc Depression poems are examples of Abc poems about Depression. These are the best examples of Abc Depression poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Battle of the words

Bravery is the father of fears
Dreams are distant cousins of nightmares
Hope is the sister of prayers
Every night shame lays down and gets screwed by despair
Pollution abuses Mrs. atmosphere
It's a battle between personality and reality 
But obviously nobody cares
Maybe it's because big tough is the uncle of little scared
Planning is deeply in love with prepared
Procrastination is the biggest enemy of determination
Ignorance is jealous of realization
Sometimes strength can get sneak attacked by temptation
Silence can never defeat a great proclamation
When the brain disagrees with the heart
The body dies of complications


Love your self...



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GoodBye

                               GOODBYE

I miss the way you hugged me when I cried and how you told me how you loved me 
every night but now you won't even look at me and you don't even talk to me 
anymore and when I'm upset you just laugh and walk away........... All I want to 
know is what did I do that was so bad that you treat me like a punching bag........ I 
miss the way you kissed me but I guess you've moved on and I try boy do I try but 
your all I dream about all I think about is you, you were my world and now your 
gone I'm so lost without you I cry every night because someone will say your 
name....... What I miss most of all is that I could tell you anything but now you won't 
even listen.............. What kills me is you saying goodbye for good goodbye god 
those words kill me every time good bye good bye good bye....


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A Yearn for a Smile 9-21-11

	A yearn… simply something that you want or long for. As a yearn to finish, a yearn to achieve, a yearn for a like, a yearn for a smile is something that you drastically want, a desire. Something that you spend long hours, nights even day dreaming hours thinking about how you can earn that smile. What can you do…. or what can you say … things such as a conversation sparks, likes even dislikes, mostly anything that will crack a smile. These are things that truly show signs of something far greater than fame, sex, money, power. What is it? Something more than I have yet to find. So as I search for the answer I over shoot the entrance with rapid thinking of what she wants, her likes, her dislikes. But truly it will only be earned by who you are, what you want to be, yourself, your feelings your desires, your yearn. So when you yearn for that smile or that special something it can only be earned by being you, no one else. Take a look at yourself in the mirror and try to see past the makeup or tan or piercing and just look at yourself… then take that image and imprint it to yourself forever because to find happiness and your yearn  can only be earned one way. Trying to watch her and she how she reacts to certain things just to make myself seem better when I finally open my mouth to her will only make you distant from that special someone.  With me I personally see myself as buff pierced orange person, while trying to continue to follow the people who I look up to the most. So as you struggle and go through life’s trials and tribulations always look at your yearn or what it once it what was. Think about how you felt when you failed or succeeded and try to make yourself a better person from it. Not by adding more glamour or appeal to yourself but by being closer to yourself. What you really are. Because only then can you truly say you earned your yearn of a smile or that special someone, even if there not with you, apart of them will be and that’s the part they left. The part that made you better. More complete. 			So never forget your yearn of her..


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dysfunctional

It’s my life not expecting you to understand it
A man who when he was a boy his mother abandoned
Alienated like I arrived from another planet
While you were with your family joking, laughing and eating a peanut butter sandwich
I was moved from foster families and children’s homes
Surrounded by people but feeling alone
 Everything I go through is some kind of building zone
Treated differently because I’m not wanted or loved by my dad, sister mum or brother
Feel like everyone trying to get to know me is working undercover
So the first thing I do is run for cover
Opposites attract I’m cold inside does that make me summer’s lover?
Being uncomfortable makes me comfortable
I feel safe being vulnerable
I’ll be the first to say I’m dysfunctional
Am I supposed to lie and say everything all great and wonderful?
Should I already understand and know it all?
You belittle me but I’m still growing tall
You wanted me to catch but you didn’t even throw the ball
An insomniac and I know Money can buy a bed but not sleep
But how much would a meaningful hug cost me?
I could wish and pray to the sky
But that’s just not me
Anytime love got me
It seems that Luck lost me
So I Push away the people I want to stay by my side
The ones who are worth your tears won’t make you cry
I could do 99 good deeds for you
But you would count the mistakes I make in life
So I don’t even try no more
I don’t cry no more
Love no one trust no one, **** them all
If you want to walk out my life. Here let me hold the door


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Heaven on Earth

you make me weak you make me strong.... 

you make me feel that i belong ... 

belong in your life that involves your heart... 

cause i knew it was love from the very start... 

three types of blood that involves  your love... 

and the strengh of are family makes me never give up... 

sometimes were sad and the pain really hurts... 

but the love from four hearts, is heaven on earth! 

bleeding inside, but ill stay by your side... 

cause true love will never die... 

i know your weak and it makes me hurt... 

so i pray to my knees with just a few words... 

lord jesus, my family is broken and a little  sad... 

but every born son needs a dad... 
   
i give you my life since the day of my birth... 

only if you promise me, heaven on earth! 



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Loved at Points

I feel loved at points in my life
Sometimes I don't at all
I can be pushed around and yelled at daily
In the end, I always fall
I have never understood love
Or what it really meant
All I know is that love hurts
And that, I can't repent
I listen to my orders
I stand up straight and tall
Wishing someone would hear me
Knowing that I'm crying in the hall
Some days I just brush it off
Letting it all go
Being who I would like to be
But hiding in it all
I'm alone in my mind
But I know inside
I'm dying before your eyes


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Some ABCs About the Good of You

An awesome allures dances amid your words.
Bearing thoughts at daybreak until hope stays life.
Carmel candy lips wait for your cupid’s arrow.
Daisy chains you saved for happily-ever-after.
Eloquent egression when depression arrives.
Fields of fresh flowers float to your creative mind.
Generously given fruit from your poet’s grapevine.
Honorable choices carry life enchantment.
If imperfection ignites, God’s forgiveness arrives. 
Judgment left daily in your Savior’s strong hands. 
Keeping calamities of your life in his care.
Laughter allocated when love’s timing is right.
Nice actions for others that make your soul swell.
Messages and miracles are recognizable unto you.
Omnipotent Father loves you and oversees life.
Passion of Christ helps you overcomes imperfections
Questions of self worth must bounce far away.
Remember the joys that you had some other day?
Stay strong in your hope and forgive other’s words.
Today, this poem is all about you, and your heart.
Uniquely understanding, you are a child of God.
Vicious ramblings through the mind are hurtful to you.
Words, if forgiven might alleviate bad memories. 
Xanadu can be found in life’s folds and your focus.
You have much good within you, Catie, this and more.
Zealously zip past the lows in your life; happiness follows.

November 9, 2014
Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen

Written for Poetry Soup Member Contest: It's All About Me 
Sponsor	Catie Lindsey


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Psychosis

Anxiety Borders Crazy Dementia Erratic Frantic Grasp Hyde Introduces Jekyll Kooky Lunatic
Manic Neurotic OCD Psychotic Quack Rage Schizophrenia Tirade Unbalanced Valium Willing
Xanax Yearns Zen


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above pain

Above pain

Quote;
He has been stepped on
He has been hated on
But he still stands and rises above pain
Wars came, left relatives dead
He cried, he trembled
But he still stands
Once regretted his birth
Once thought of taking his life.
Thunder strikes and that’s enough
To make him gain strength
To aim higher and rise above pain
He is now rising above pain
Trying everything to clean his brain

If he was created in God’s image?
Why can’t God take care of His image?
Questions he couldn’t find answers to
Friends all gone,
The only family he has ever known
Streets become his home,
Starving to death,
Could not hold his breath
But still standing strong
And promises to rise above pain..
                                                       By, ino29









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Beast



Bitter by ; being mentally bruised and battered most of my life,
shaken with fright without a single soul to help me
through the troubles unseen horrors of the night, 
from an evil source that I fear to strike. 
But as the evil forces, who limited my choices 
that when I found my stallion horses. 
Swiftly it came to my head I can run and I cannot hide, 
feeling the Beast closing in on every time I decide to hide. 
Tired of running and tired of alluding this
relentless creep as my red bolt eyes weep 
feeling rest-less, likes a lonely defeated warrior from his home in retreat 
that is when I knew it time to rest, to release my Beast. 
But in a fight, I may not win however as I cast out my dirty words sin
I made sure it felt my impact, to the bloody end.

by Keith Relf


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The Vent

im livin in a world, where all eyes on me.
trying to curve my own route.
but route 66 keeps finding its way to me.
ive been plenty sick, in all the events layed before me.
even when i reflect to my lowest points
i dont regret any of the choices
That I’ve deployed in my era
A lot of it by error, but hey
We live in hell conditions and there ain’t no air condition 
Or any guidelines when life throws you in the sidelines
But when hindsight twenty twenty hits
You’ll begin to understand life’s a bunch of equations and you in the mix of it
An you’ll have to think twice, before running into a situation and becoming the best of it
Situations
it’s what got me here, it’s what got us here
Ran with my thoughts blazing up to her place and
Guess what happened next
She opened up heaven’s gate
And just before late I slipped out
Simply put 
I’m a Grown ass man
Doin his thing, waitin to blow up like an old land mine
In doin what he drools over
But time after time 
Something decides to creep up and cover the light
Lost my way
Then I revoked to ever know, I ever thought that way
But in the in between time, that in the mean time 
Spent a lot of time
Gettin pissed off just to medicate and lift off
Don’t need Don Perion to sip off
Already had my way with the bottle
Even thought to get back with the trouble and rejoin the hustle
That’s just what happens to a man who really knows his old ways
Whos tired of making ends meet and ponders getting back to the streets.
Memory sets in and he remembers an O.G. saying
No matter how tall your pockets stand when you ball
Eventually times gonna make you fall
Fall
And I as I pull myself together 
I don’t wanna end up like the twin towers rubble
I mean no offence to nine eleven but at that time I probably could have used a reverend
But all that’s irrelevant now
because i live with a different perspective now

there you go you made it to the end :-) comment if you like, constructive criticism wanted as well.


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I Am Who I Am

Its bad enough that everyday I walk down memory lane, &&' It really puts me in alot of pain. I've been doing the best that I can, but I am who I am. I'm getting tired of everyones exspectations, people always pulling me in different directions. Even when I'm falling down, people still push me on the ground. I'm gonna keep trying, no more lying. No more games, done mentioning names. Being two-faced isn't cool, it just makes you look like a fool. I'm never looking back, that life was wack. I'm done trying to make everyone happy, when they treat me so crappy. I may not have alot of friends, in the end, but atleast I don't have to pretend. I'm gonna be true, with or without you. You'll see, I'm done letting people get to me.


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please (by kimmy holmes, my daughter)

mom
love you
need you
please
love me
need me 
too


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Drugs are bad things

This is a poem and not a song.
It was written to tell you that drugs are wrong.

We see people on the streets every day.
Exhaling and inhaling their life away.

This is a poem and not a song.
It was written to tell you that drugs are wrong.

Families destroyed lives lost.
Those who take drugs will pay the cost.

This is a poem and not a song.
It was written to tell you that drugs are wrong.

If you take drugs daily you probably won't see.
What or who they they may cause you to be.

This is reality and not a song.
wrote to tell you that drugs are wrong.


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Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, While Words Will Always Hurt Me

Nothing is turning out like I wanted it to.
Everything is now black and blue.
Wrist cut up with a sharp blade.
Blood rushing out like it's being made.
Thoughts of death running through my mind.
Nothing is clear to me, I am blind.
What's going on?
Scissors are suddenly being drawn.
My end is near.
I can see it start to appear.
What you thought were funny jokes.
Made me want to choke.
Prank calls, blocked messages, statuses all calling me names.
You all have caused me so much pain.
Whore, slut, *****, cow, fat, ugly reappearing in my head.
I don't know what to do anymore but lay in my bed.
Who am I supposed to turn to?
I have no one but you.
I dream at nights about not being here anymore.
I don't think I'm a whore.
I have a plan now.
Explain it to me now.
I've got a gun.
It's all been done.
I'm leaving now.
Goodbye everyone, Goodbye forever.


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Thoughts

 O, what thoughts bring me grief,
 Grief that grazes fields of mind,
And colors my face as a faded leaf,
And to ground I yield my pride
To wither among naked flowers
Keeping worries where they remain
I possess not the light nor buds powers
And dark blooms, flooding the brain
Where fears boast a great health.
And thou art me and who else
Might be the soul's humble wealth,
To heal myself, ancient friend of bless,
So hold me thou for while in mine heart,
That those enemies in me eternally part.


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Why you no work

…Money…in a voice that rustled.
No sir, I do not have any money.
How about getting a job?
…Change…in a voice that creaked.
Sorry sir, I don’t make the rules.
How about running a campaign?
…Help…in a voice that trailed.
Sir, how do I do that?


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blank page (by kimmy holmes my daughter)

see this blank
not me
NOT ME


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Grey Bird

On that cloudy weekend in June 
I hear a soft and graceful tune 
from the grey bird on the tree 
branch 
Singing sweet lullabies felt 
blessed in the moment 
My body tingles of joy at sight 
Gazing out through 
my open door,
Letting thoughts fly free
Releasing love out into the horizon 
Heart filled with emotion came 
over me 
Grey bird stood playing its tune 
for awhile and on the wings of 
letting go
Then as the rain fell from the 
sky the grey bird flew away 
gracefully 
I blew a kiss to the clouds and 
utterd these simple words of I 
Love You father ( who's now in 
heaven ) and yet I hope to hear 
that grey bird sing again once 
more for me 
Farewell, love your son

Poem contest for Debbie -referential


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Girl Rising

A Young Beautiful girl with so much spirit in her to lift the soul

With blissful hopes to come she would become a queen they did not want

Many loved her beauty as a child but her step mother

Of a selfish dander king family did not like her at all

They wanted all but wrong for her and to lock her in a chamber with ash 
And dust that filled the air

Far away from society king wanted because they felt she was from rags in poor

Stead of riches and wealth a lonely child from the cottage where
The king’s witch of a sister raised her.

She became a slave scared to face the king’s wicked sister

She abide by what she was afraid to go
With a single tear she longed to be free and become
Something more than an average girl.
But a girl that rises up from the hate and dander rules set by one world

She wanted to be free to be loved and liked for what she believed in

As the days went on she grew stronger and rising from the pain in her heart
And by the twisted society by her step moms brother who wanted nothing 
But sorrow and to be down in the dumps of rags 

She took a stand for freedom a stand for love and never backed down
From her past she kept on fighting a battle which seemed endless

As she looked to the moon crying out with screams that echoed in the forest
Sounding so loud half a forest could hear

She took the dagger and the shield took it to her heart and utter words like these
          Lord of the sky’s guide me today and give me much more strength 
    Then I had yesterday and as my will to rise be ever strong may I not rest 
Till this dander evil king is no more

She went off and into the castle she snuck into with mighty dagger and shield with the heavens by her side she struck him out and proclaimed freedom and love to all this is a girl truly rising faith and all that stands for what’s right a brave girl that rises from hate
this is a girl rising up from the pain 


Poem story for contest( Girl Rising )
by brian otoole 8-05-13


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A Penny For My Thoughts

A penny for my thoughts
I'd be a millionaire
Constantly my thoughts are racing
My mind is everywhere
Should I stay or should i go
Will I win or lose
Can I have my time to shine
Since I have paid my dues
A penny for my thoughts
I wish it were a buck
If I could just collect these thoughts
Then it might change my luck
My thoughts are so abundant
To count them is to many
My mind is worth a whole lot more
Then just one simple penny


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Green People

I see green people
They tell me they come in peace 
But they are showing me the roots to all evil
I see green people
They try to disguise their intentions 
But their actions are so see through
I see green people
They are the true world leaders
There are no free actions or thoughts
You do or think what they want you to
I see green people
They manipulated all of our history
So if we were to find the truth
It doesn't matter because their is no proof
I see green people
As their head grow larger 
I continue to have distant dreams of me being considered a equal
I see green people
They told me to worship them or die
Close my eyes and look through the lies
Because without them 
There is no chance to walk among the Gods
I see green people 
And there is no doubt about it
They truly show me the roots to all evil





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The Way I See It

My world is a dream
Infinitely fake, a nightmare!
All my struggle and worry
It's all pointless,
I suffer alone.
This expectation of a
Champagne and Caviar lifestyle
Will remain an illusion,
An emotional glimpse of
Tarnished portraits are evidence
That insecurity is an extraordinary
breakdown of a persons
Psychological determination.


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DESPERATE

I would cry a river to be away from despear,
I would drink an ocean to have the aches i feel disappear.
I would reel in the moon to have the shackles removed from my feet,
And their is no mountain i wouldn't climb to stop his grinding of my teeth.
I'd walk around the world to hear the noises stop,
I'm prepared to eat the eyes of an eagle to prevent my heart attack.
Or rob a bank , or touch the sun, or cut a star in two,
I'd rather burn in fire than stay this way with you.
I would tour the ocean floors, tear my heart out of my chest,
Take a bullet to my head, Or drill a whole through my left breast.
If it would take away the turmoil, and wash the mud from my brain
And cleanse my heart of impurities, like a treasure washed clean by rain.
Or if it would shine the sun, that would in turn warm my heart,
And melt away this icebox, that turned me cold and torn apart.
I'm desperate to erase the memories, of hurt and loveless times,
Of empty dreams and promises, of things that were never mine.
Just tel me what to, no matter how impossible it may seem,
I just want this feeling to be over, I want the reality of my lifelong dream.




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Save me

No one cares. Nor understands. 
I am trapped by my own thoughts. 
Never ending torture. 
A whole of never ending darkness.

Everything is just trash!
Your life. Those people who you cherish. 
Everything you've achieved. 
A pile of worthless trash!

What is the meaning?
Is there any?
Anything?
Help!

Save me from this torment!
Save me from this unforgiving world. 
For nothing can be done here. 

But alas, my fate is set. 
No path can I turn. 
I am a dead man walking. 
Only few can understand. 


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Cry of A Successful Man

With love comes consequence
With hope comes failure
With triumph comes fear
With peace comes worry
With riches comes pain
With poverty comes envy


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Dreamless Alphabets

DREAMLESS ALPHABETS


Aphelion my long time residence
Banished into a dreamless existence
Cannibals surround the escape routes
Diligently feeding my doubts
Eagerly anticipating my demise
Ferociously preparing for my conclusion
Gathering hippocampus, for seasoning
Hors d’oeuvres, bloody temporal lobes
Impulsive, angry, throwing away all reasoning
Jaded, crawling towards the scavengers
Knees embedded with gravel
Lesions seeping into my rib cage
Maggots, waiting at the next stage
Nightmares finally come true
Ominous my exile has been
Paralyzing everything, except fright
Quickly, carnivores begin to dance in delight
Rehearsing for the end of my rancid reality
Screaming, submitting myself as a sacrifice
Talons swoop down, and transport me
Uric acid pouring down, singeing my curls
Valedictions will just delay my final eviction
Wearily, watching, awaiting my crucifixion
Xenon, pestilent  odors rise from my body
Yelping orange, yellow flames, the last seen
Zooming out of this world, to be forever free


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Someone Elses Life

I feel like I'm living someone elses life, a life in strife. I've been strong, but when will I belong. I feel so alone, but I'm doing ok on my own. I can't describe the pain, but I keep in mind every storm runs outa rain. I use to think our love was unbeatable, but really its unforgettable. Everyday I walk down memory lane, trying to ignore the pain. He crosses my mind everyday, when will all this go away. There's gotta be something more, my heart is becoming sore. My momma doesn't have to worry, because I'm not sorry. I know he made the mistake, and he's the reason I have this heartache. What we had, was bad. I shouldn't have let it go that far, your just another scar.


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Loving and Losing : A Part of Me Died When You Died

Losing someone is like losing the very breath u take to survive

Like holding in air, taking the deadliest,deepest dive

Like someone knocked all the air,better yet, the life out of ur life

Like they jabbed u in ur heart with the sharpest knife

The emptiness inside ur soul,makes ur blood run cold

Like red roses that stood high, that turn black, then fold

Lost without ur eyes, in a dark empty wood.

Grasping to reach anything u could.

Nothing in reach for u to hold close

No one around, when u need them the most

Nothing to warm ur heart & keep it beating steady

U didn't ask for this,unexpected, u weren't ready

It's like a stiffness in ur body,like ur growing old anew

No one around to console u

Ur at a loss for words

No chirping for black birds

Ur missing apart of u & inside's a hole

They used to stick with u,like a mole

Losing love is like losing ur mind

Every thought,but the reason, u still can't find

Enough memory to last ur lifetime,but they're still not there.

Ur mind is gone,but u can't think as to where.

A part of ur heart & mind have vanished with the lost of someone so dear

& u love them & miss them more with every tear

Thinking bout them, only makes it worse

It happened so quickly, u'd think it was a curse

Loving & losing a lover or a friend

Family, or next to kin

It's a universal emotion, which we all can relate

They accepted their fate

& we must face

We'll get through it at our own pace

Because we know , they're in a better  place

.


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Novelty

A new face to trace
Covet then embrace
Beloved thy trance
Diminishing glance

Flirtatious on air
Erroneous flair
Gelid, weary streak
Innovations weak

Heroic on flight
Justly proving right
Losing glossy tone
Keenly you dethrone

Mustering the nerve
Obey and observe
Novelty invades
Promises betrayed

Romantically loose 
Questions the abuse
Shine and gloss aloof
Unwoven with proof

Tarnished we believe
Vanished we deceive
Xerox of our life
Wasted upon strife

Zapping 
Yesteryear


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MidNight Wishes

Even though i did not hear your voice tonight i'm still ahit,
I will go on like this for ever, i wont go out without a fight. 
I'll fight till the end of this life to win your heart,
All you have to do is tell me when to start.

The music blarrin in my head phones at 1:52 AM and i'm lovin it, 
cause it helps me remember your gorgeous smile like it was meant to fit. 
Wanting to feel your touch and kisses all over me ignites the fire in me,
Wanting to take you by your hand and run wild in a big sea. 

There aint much i can say to express myself but this will have to do for tonight,
I think its just that i haven't reached height.
You no I love you and that's all that matters or will ever matter to me,
I will love you till i die, like I told you before, cant you see? 
 


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The Tide

The wave are turning and I want 
To pull you from the tide, 
You go under, yet you use
The blue-black water to hide.

What are you hiding from? 
There's nothing to fear in this world.
Don't you want to curl up with me,
In love, tangled and furled?
Don't you want to breathe your last,
In a place you feel serene?
Don't you want to watch your family grow,
Your children reach their dreams?

Your conscience, it takes over.
You want to just lie down.
You want to go in peace and quiet,
Where you can't hear a sound.
It's not a choice between life and death,
But a choice within your mind.
You cannot search for who you are,
If you decide to hide.

I look at you, you look at me,
And it's all so surreal.
The worst is holding onto your soul, 
But, nothing you can feel.

I know you want to touch the bottom,
And surface to the top.
But you're convinced that there is no way,
You'd ever want to stop.

I know you want to break free,
And swim back onto land.
Even though you tell yourself
That you won't stand a chance.

Don't tell me any differently,
I can see it in your eyes.
You want to live, you want to love,
Do it all before you die.

It's not your time to leave this Earth,
And fly into the sky.
Let's get you dry and take you home,
No sorrys or goodbyes. 





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What am I

Preposterous
Angry
Rabid
Antisocial
Neurotic
Overly suspicious
Irrational
Deranged


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should i live or die

As a tear rolls down i dont make a sound 
i stay still i think what do i do
do i live do i die do i cry 
do i go on living this lie 
the lie i say all the time,that im okay , im fine, im happy 
but really in side im dieing 
every day i hear people say your ugly, your  weird, the rate on how pretty you are is 0 or 2, why dont you just die
life should be precous, should be fun but all it does is bring pain and sorrow 
im sitting here with a knife in my hand thinking what to do
do i keep feeling pain and cry every day 
do i stay and get called ugly and stupid and get treated like *****
or should i just end it now 
im allways getting teased and made fun of all the time 
maybe its time to end it all 
is life really worth living?


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given up

I am giving up 
I am giving up slowly 
This may be the death of me 
Just have to get out of here
I need to escape 
I been housing all these scars and insecurities 
The walls are closing in on me 
All the pictures and the windows and walls are closing in on me
I don’t know what to do
All alone don’t know how long I can hold on
Just sitting on the ledge waiting for the next move to make
one little step and life can be lost 
stand up take a step and now im gone.


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For Animal Lovers

Ailing baby cats die exacting fear grief having inevitably just killed loving mothers not
only plainly questioning reasons some things understanding vile wrong-doing xanax yields
zealousness.


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TURBULENT OF ANGER

Thou hast no gain any trust,
O'er me your sensitivity crust,
Hast no fiery showing undoubted rust,
Without mercy thou showed blast.

Intensity corrupted thru's silence dart,
Thy had proclaim every doer's love,
Gushing of icy fluid covered thou's heart,
Nor charm and kinder as pure as dove.

Away!Thou not stand kinswomen o'er here,
Away!Thy not welcome ungrateful bear,
For kindred heart rules thy's sorority's life,
Thou turbulent of anger should not lived but die!


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Black Dog

I can't remember a time without you.
You've always been here, following one step behind.
I've always known where our path would go.
It's  time for you to lead, old friend.
I will follow.


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spent (by kimmy holmes) my daughter

It sucks to be me
so beautiful
free

That's how I make a livin
being the what you need

A buck at a time
pays my rent
makes me feel
so spent


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Threats

     Threats…
Handle threats may set our forces.
Acts reacted may dare to all.
Rules that strike are evil causes.
Keep our Taiwan not to loss.

Tricks as wars are cruel games.
Wars are games are tyrants’ names.
Ways are games are peoples’ rants.
Throw your weights are heavy hands.

Length and width and depth are forces.
All arrays are army sources.
Arrant nonsense is tyrants’ words.
Playing laws are games that hurt.

Feel no truths are china bosses.
Bossy tyrants keep their dolls.
Pets and dolls are birds in cages.
China tyrants’ ills are ages.

Handle threats as whistles back.   
China tyrants mad for facts.
Scapegoat cooked and peoples harm.
Loss or gains are something half.
-------------Cheung Shun Sang=Cauchy3------------    


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Your one mistake

I feel really hurt, I hope you don't notice the mascara stains on your shirt. I dont want you to know I still cry, I dont want you to know your the reason why. I know I have made many mistakes and caused you many heartaches. But I dont know how you handle this pain, I'm going insane. I feel like that one lie, has done more than make me cry. Its caused me to look at you a different way, its caused me to overthink everything you have said or say. I dont want us to change but now things feel so strange. I guess I'll just have to adjust but I dont have anyone to trust.  I dont know what all you have said is true, I dont know what to do. Should I be mad, is it okay for me to be sad. I hate the fact but I don't know how to react. I didn't exspect for that to happen, I wasn't prepared for my heart to be broken. I thought we we didnt keep secrets from eachother, I thought we could trust one a nother. But you have proven me wrong, showed me I'm not strong. I just hope you gain my trust back, before things get all wack.


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Sometimes I Like To Pretend Things Never Came To A End

Sometimes I like to pretend, things never came to a end. But over time, our love became a crime. I didn't know what we had, would ever end so bad. But then I knew things weren't right, when we started to fight. Now I walk down memory lane all the time, the pain is worst then committing a crime. We only caused eachother pain, but we were eachothers maine. I thought things would be alright, but I cried alot that night. I don't want things to change, without you my life is strange. You said you wanted me so much it started to hurt that you couldn't wait, now im just another person you hate. When you said you didn't care, I knew the person I loved was no longer there. You aren't the same, the new you is lame. We both fell, now it's hell. You use to always be here for me, like family. But now your nowhere in sight, things aren't right. Empty is all that I can feel, I still can't believe this is real. I didn't mean to let you get away, I didn't know what to say. Am i with the right guy, or am i telling myself a lie. I was afraid to loose what we had, but to you that choice was bad.


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BROKEN

What few words are left to speak
Our hearts are broke, our trust is weak.
The lies you told so very true.
You said your feelings were more than new!
I gave my heart with all my soul
To make you my life my love my goal
Now we part with the silent stare
As if to live like you were never there.


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dancing at odd intervals

I find myself
dancing alone
at odd intervals

I'm that girl 
the one 
with crazy dreams and a heart full of nails

I'm the girl no one knows
and if you listen real close
you might figure out this is all a dream

something make believe
I created
and if I erase myself out
will you put yourself in?

I'm sure you have all these lies to tell about my soul
and if you pay attention you could learn something
about
dancing with yourself at odd intervals you could be the person nobody knows.


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Dear Lord (by kimmy holmes my daughter)

Dear Lord 
please receive me
i've been stumblin around
deceivin me
i wan't heaven now
how do I get that?
do I stop eatin meat
stop being me
How do I get to Heaven?
I NEEDS my mama
I need my Sons
My SUNS
I'm lyin
dyin
before everyones eyes


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In this world

In this world full of lies,
where everyone seems to die.
With no truth to be said.
On your way down to hell,
afraid that you might have fell.
being lost for all eternity.

In this world full of death,
with one way left.
So lost in your mind,
you don't know where to turn.
Searching to go somewhere,
even if you are already there.
Ending your life with one more goodbye.


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Nothing Really Matters

when rob stepped out of the courthouse,with charges for posession
he thought "it could be worse,it could have been for weapons"
and then he thought..."nothing really matters anyway"
when liz stepped of of the rehab,with a new outlook on life
she felt all those same feelings of hurt, pain, and strife
and then she thought "nothing really matters anyway"
when luke picked up his young son from daycare,and knew he had an hour
he thought back to the time he WOULD have stopped to grab his now EX-wife some flowers
and then he thought "nothing really matters anyway"
when lisa lifted up her body with nothing but her arms,and looked down at her legs
she wondered why the heck they were even THERE anyway..what for?
and then she thought "nothing really matters anyway"
all four people that same night,all in their own homes
picked up a remote,turned on the news and watched it come to blows
one man had done 25 years in jail,for something he had not really done
one woman lost the battle to addiction,one she thought she'd already won
one boy got hit by a car on his bike,he just only 5 his parents,divorced
one man lost his arms and legs while over fighting the war
four different people,four different lives,four different struggles,all about to cry
four different souls,four different heart,four different minds,all to have a fresh start
why does it take a reality check to pull us into gear?
why is it that reality sometimes must be our greatest fear?
the next time you think you're the only one who hurts and has plight
the next time you feel you're all alone,the only one who cries at night
try and remember,try not to forget,that you are never alone
whether you're telling your mom and dad your gay to the face or over the phone
whether your wife divorced you,your husband's a dog,or your kids have NO respect
you are human,deserve more,and you're not alone,cause' there is someone right next....
to you!!! nothing really matters. until you realize...nothing really matters.


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Let me go

Let me go,
gently, into that sleep
where the noises cannot reach
and lies can not hurt.
let the ground covers me
with all my worries along


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Finding Me

Momentarily devoured by chaos
Temporarily exhausted from
Judgmental echoes.
Expression threatens a spiraling
Hostility ,fevered by grieving.
Unwelcome shame and sadness
Are the persuasive excuses
Effectively accelerating a
Self-inflicted corruption contaminated!
Flawlessly destroying innocence
Values and loyalty.
Reluctantly you will resurface,
Speechless and paralyzed, exposed!
The conclusion was a bittersweet
Gratification.


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Transformer

Transformer...



 I am so sorry I tend to whisper to my self while the wings on my back enfold me in my idiocy and bust in a furl of feathers and fire.
 
My authentic halo falling broken reinforcing my thoughts on transformations... 

My lush lies crept up into me whispering to you my secrecy and my merry go round patterns...
 I was adapted to serous sabotage and unconsidered volcanic eruptions... Having nothing to react to I made my own quake...
 
i deserve everything. 

But for you to say I can't feel is something that just shocked me at my core... 
But then again what should I expect? 
Secret boyfriends? 
are you kidding me...? 
But then again what should i expect... 
I gave you a reason to be suspicious a reason to say those things... 

With my viscosity on the subject I realize I have to be punished... and it has nothing to do with you...
 





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Life

Help me im trapped in a sea of depression. 
This sea looks like it shall never end.
I kept swimming for a long time.
Then I saw you, You in the boat.

You picked me up and nutured me back to health.
You allowed me to live on your ship for as
long as i wanted.

That all changed.
You threw me back into the pit.
Even though i'm still swimming to get to you.
You are already gone.

But i will keep swimming until i find you.
Hopefully you will accept me into your life again.
For now though, I am swimming for you.
And I will keep swimming until my life comes
To a stop.


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Impossible

To maintain a life
Above all the strife
Pain and sorrow
Is to choose
A sight so sharp
It sees through the dark
And sees even in the light
Things that defy human sight
Things impossible
Things unprecedented
Things invisible
The ability to look
To see beyond the present circumstances
To hold on to that faint candle light
In the midst of the pitch black darkness of the night
The will to cling to life
When death is but a pinch away
The strength to see the sun shine so bright
Through a sandstorm in the Sahara
Through the snowstorms in the north pole
Through the cloudy rainstorms of the amazon
The ability to see white
When everyone sees black
The will to see beauty
Where everyone sees  the ugly
To see the highest mountain peaks
As mole-hills about to be trampled
To believe in particles
Faster  than  light
To believe men can touch
The surface of the sun
And walk to the ends of milky-way
With the stars as our footstones
The ability to hope for better things
And to dream of better days
In the midst of bitter months
Can’t you see the impossible
It’s laughing you to scorn
Telling you I’M POSSIBLE….


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The Devil Within

A gun to my head, isn't that convenient. 
pull the trigger and release all my demons. 
I'm ready now with no regret, 
try to surprise me like Russian roulette. 
I'm sick of this life and all the problems that follow, 
this is the best way to end, the shame is too hard to swallow. 
I'm growing weak its coming to an end, 
finally relief, no need to pretend. 
This is it, the light is fading, 
come to my rescue I'm yours for the taking. 
I'm destined to fall what this is, its a sin, 
he finally got what he wanted, the devil within. 


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I Can't Believe It's Really Over This Time

I really hate this feeling, sometimes I wish I could stop breathing. I don't wanna try, just leave me here to die. You were the thing that made my life living for, but your no longer mine anymore. I feel so much pain, sometimes I believe I'm going insane. I'm missing what we had, although it was bad. I'm always walking down memory lane, why can't you see my pain? I know people change, &&' things get strange. I guess I gotta face it, she's my new replacment. I can't believe it's really over this time, I feel as if i have commited a crime. I live in a world of sorrow, so I don't ever worry about tomorrow. I didn't even have time to cry, because i had already said bye. I feel like I'm digging a deeper whole, so I'm hoping Jesus will take control. I'm sorry for my dumb mistake, but baby now I'm wide awake.


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wh---(by kimmy holmes, my daughter)

In my room
air thick
I hear you hating me
outside my door

I't don't matter how I suck you
anymore

For what I was
you loved me before
you hate me now
for being your whore


kim


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downheartedness

Depression
Loss of ambition
Looks like I’m on a mission
Or some sort of a competition
Is it the end?
Should I be where I stand?
I cannot understand
I’ll just smile and pretend…
Looks like I’m lost
Not completely but almost
Disoriented, adrift and scared most
No way to hide or to escape from that ghost
Hunting me day and night
Making sure I don’t feel alright


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The fish

A fish called Bob was twisting in the pot. He met another in the mirror and he was happy to twist.


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Feeling Down

I'm feeling down, &&' I'm already on the ground. I cant get any lower, my patience is getting slower. I've already hit the floor, &&' I'm becoming sore. I'm not sure where I went wrong, but now I dont belong. I'm like the unknown, all alone. This feeling is unbarable, the pain is unbelievable. I'm ready to walk out the door, I can't take no more. This is why I don't trust, I always get pushed in the dust. Now I got to cover my eyes, &&' ignore all your lies. I've been left in the rain, I've felt the pain. I knew things were wrong, but I stayed along. Now I'm here all alone, waiting for the sound of my phone. I wouldn't wish for my worst enemy to feel this way, that's what I have to say. I didn't really have a choice, now I'm missing the sound of your voice. I made mistakes that wont fade, not even with a blade. My heart isn't bullet proof, &&' that's the truth.


Details | ABC | |

Fallen

Fallen

I am adrift,
My soul is churning,
And the bloody mess of delicate petals in my palm,
Disintegrating, leaking to the floor,
Innocence squandered.

Who are you?
Someone that is trying to anchor me
Who are you? 
A beacon in the night guiding me to safety,
You do not know me,
Yet you try to save me,
Years have gone by and still,
My name on your lips is as unfamiliar to me as the day your lips touched mine,


You are holding me up,
If you let go I will fall to ground,
And remain there,

My life lies around me in puzzle pieces,
And 
Each so complex the one piece cannot by any form of manipulation
Fit another,
Each day brings with it,
A new haunting thought,
A new battle to fight,
Each mental demon is stronger than the former,
Each created and fed by my own twisted logic,


The black walls,
Are as suffocating as the noose would be around my neck,
These black walls crowding me,
Pushing me into myself,
Standing high around me,
Its shadows marring the brightness I could have seen,
A stain upon the surface off my existence,
Seeping into my veins and poisoning me,

Restlessness in my sleep,
I try to lay down and rest,
But I am plagued,
A million thoughts and all screaming to be heard,
A ticking time bomb,
Only time will reveal the damage

Panic rushing through me,
Gripping me,
Holding me prisoner,
If I move forward the pressure rises,
If I stay put I might as well bleed these veins dry,
And the past lingers always, mistakes,
A domino effect chasing at my every step,

How bloody my hands have become,
Streaks off crimson that will never fade,
These scars –my war wounds
I trace a finger across the puckered skin,
How sad a life could this be?

Sad enough to be the fallen,
Sad enough that the tears I once cried,
Are stuck in my throat and refuse to rise up and fall,
Sadness so deep and profound that the tears no longer do it justice,
A great winding path off misery that leads me on my journey-

Of

Beginnings and endings
I ended before I began,
This end is long though…


Do not tell me to pick myself up,
Do not tell me to make a decision,
All is as is,
Wasted,
Useless,
Impossible,

A pessimist?
No,
By all means never an optimist,
But the pieces do not fit,
Each is so crooked and broken,
That a realist is all I can be,

Realities off bloody palms,
Shadowing walls,
And silver scars,
No way out,
Just a battle that wages on,
Created by me,
Fed by me,
Never overcome by me…





Details | ABC | |

Perfect

Please tell me why 
Everyone thinks perfection is
Reality
Forget that
Enter real reality where girls 
Cry tears of pain
Tears of shame 

Persevere to be perfect 
Except there's no such thing 
Remember real reality
Fight that painful sting
Enticing failures 
Can lead to true despair
Try and just be yourself 
         Cause perfection is unreal 
          

Perfect

Please tell me why 
Everyone thinks perfection is
Reality
Forget that
Enter real reality where girls 
Cry tears of pain
Tears of shame 

Persevere to be perfect 
Except there's no such thing 
Remember real reality
Fight that painful sting
Enticing failures 
Can lead to true despair
Try and just be yourself 
         Cause perfection is unreal


Details | ABC | |

Inside Me

I know a place you do not know, 
I see a face you cannot see,
I feel the touch of ice so cold,
And hear the voice that beckons me.
I feel the stillness of wind that stings,
And I cry silently through the pain,
Still, I hold on like angels without wings,
And those voices remain,
I have a place inside my heart,
A room that holds my past,
A place where only I could chart,
And only I could go back.
The face is mine of yesterday,
The touch, the ice, the pain, all mine,
The voice is one that could not stay,
Thus, imprisoning me for all time.


Details | ABC | |

I Was Only A Child

I was just thirteen
Just living a normal teen
You broke me
I couldn't flea
You were supposed to help
But you just made me yelp
I'll never be the same
Because of your stupid little games


Details | ABC | |

No Title

just want to start off by saying, we all know the dangers of drugs and alcohol, there is this one substance though, just one that you have to be 18 or older to buy. I am talking about “The Cancer Stick” better known as cigarettes. Most of the older people in my family and others also smoke cigarettes like its nothing at all, I never realized it caused cancer until older years, but when I found out it was too late, many of my family members developed lung cancer including my close grandmother. That woman would smoke a pack of cigarettes in the snap of a finger, but the thing is she has been doing it for over 20years I would assume. The day I found out she was dying of the disease I was not surprised, but yet she is my grandmother so I felt great sorrow. When she passed it shook my soul, but we know we must move on. The thing that boggles my mind is that the government regulates these substances knowing the dangers, and what do you get a large number of statistics on the deaths of those related to legal drugs, ex: alcohol, prescription drugs, cigarettes etc. But if it makes profit distribute it right? The death of my grandmother along with the death of my great aunt both due to that cancer stick, has changed my mindset drastically on the way things are set up in our system, I wish I was able to talk to my grandmother and aunt one last time, one last time to tell them to put that killer down and resist that mentality, but I couldn’t, why? Because they are addicts, it would take strong support, but see we didn’t have good family support. So unfortunately helping my grandmother mentally was a fail.


Details | ABC | |

i dont know about you

this is for all the DECENT ladies out there...
i dont know about you, but im sick of being second choice to skeezy women
i dont know about you, but when i have a boyfriend i just get sick of livin
i dont know about you, but i know about me
and this girl here,shes sick of the pleas
sick of the bullshit, sick of the crap
sick of all the "friends" who talk behind my back
sick of it all, sick of everything
and with this feeling, positive im supposed to bring?
im sick of being told "its my outlook on life"
youre so negative, you make your own strife
i dont know about you, but its not MY atatood
it all the ugliness in this sick twisted world
and i dont know about you, but im fed up
i dont about you but i give up
i dont know about you, but im done feeling the way i do
and i dont know about you, but then again i think i do
you pick yourself apart, about all your flaws
and when they cheat and lie, it just instills that further,its a law
i dont know about you, but i think i do
you're the girl, much like myself
with a good heart and a bad sense of health
build us up, tear us down
i dont know about you, but i really think i am going crazy
i dont know about you, but i think theyre all lazy
too lazy to try, too lazy to care
too lazy to give a shit, but the energy shows up when in satans lair
no more loyalty, to get kicked in the teeth
no more "friends" who just make you weep
no more crap, and no more forgiving
no more forgetting and NO MORE RE LIVING.
im not settling, i have enough of "so-so" to last my whole life
and i dont know about you girls, but it ends tonight.
we stop picking ourselves apart, we stop blaming ourselves
we stop thinking our little "flaws" ar why they did this
when its about someone else
its about them, the people they choose to be around
and quite frankly, before id be around THEM id be buried in the ground.
alive.
yes i hate them that much
and i dont know about you, but i have had enough
i wont blame myself, when skeezy outdoes classy
i wont blame myself for the hilariously tacky
things i see, on a daily basis
and i dont know about you
but i too, can fake it.
see its harder for me,to be mean like you all are
im not built that way, and being mean hurts my heart
so no i cant do the revenge thing
but what i can do is protect myself again
i dont know about you, but its long overdue
i DO know about you...because i AM you.
you are not alone.


Details | ABC | |

Missing You

Let me tell you about a game i play
Where i close my eye's and fade away

I float away to a special place 
Beyond the star's and moon and space

In this special place you see
There are only two people,Just you and me

In this place,All is right
Nothing but love,And we never fight

In this place,There is no sadness
No cell's,No court's,None of that madness

No bar's to hold us or separate
No one to tell us we can't kiss or touch

I don't just tell you I love you,I show you 
how much

But eventually the game must end
My eye's must open,And reality set's in

But someday soon,I'm not sure when
I will close my eye's and play my game again


Details | ABC | |

I was a fool

Your nothing more then a lier and a dog
In you made me believe you wasn't going to do me wrong
Now I sit here as a fool
Reading these letter that you sent to her
As my heart breaks
I can't believe you would do this to me
you even looked me in my eyes and said baby I wont cheat
I was a dang fool to believe you
Cause Now I lay here with a bottle of wine with a broken heart
Thanks.


Details | ABC | |

Dance

Take your hand and put it out forward,
Than swing out out to the side, c'mon don't be a coward. 
This is fun, now swing your hips from side to side,
Remember all the times you couldnt express yourself and you cried.

But now your can swing your legs and feet any way you want,
Look for that new move that you looked for your whole life like a hunt. 
Grab someone by the hand and let them join you in that awesome moment,
I promise you, you will love this feeling you are about to feel.

Turn up the music and dance your heart out,
Move to the beat and go wild and feel like your out of sight. 
This is your moment, don't let anyone take that away for you,
This is not happening too slow and i tell you that that's the truth.

Put some head phones on and go to your own world of greatness,
Bust a move like you never did before, I promise it's harmless.
Make your heart feel what I am feling right now and take my hand,
I promise that I will make you smile and scream with joy and stand.


Details | ABC | |

the end

the days go dark
i sit in this park
its lonly and cold
but these feelings are old
iv seen it before
shes out the door
i slit my wrists
and my blood slowly twists
down my arm and off my hand
my life is fading and its so sweetly bland
i bleed for you
but you never knew
the slow downfall
of my life and all
its miserable,sad and funny to
how much i really care for you
its ok now my life is fading
but no one knows i only evading
the sadness of losing
and heartbreak, blood oozing
the white light draws near
its almost over from here
i love you my dear
you touched my heart
now its time i fell apart
its me not you
see the picture i drew
thats my blood my note of suicide
im sorry im not ok im the one who lied
its over my life has finaly reached its ending
sleep well my love enjoy this last text im sending


Details | ABC | |

Darling, look at the stars

Darling is it bad that I don't feel the sun anymore? 
I'm afraid I've broken myself again. 
Afraid that someday I'll lay down and feel the need not to push myself to wake up again. 
Darling is it bad that I don't see the stars in the sky anymore? 
The ones I use to lay in the grass and look up to.
The ones I use to make the same wish on every night they somehow disappeared and I can't seem to remember that wish. 
Darling is it bad that sometimes I think the walls are screaming at me when I'm alone? 
I don't do all that well in the quiet green room I have when no one is home. 
Maybe that's why I found peace in a razor to block out the quiet
Darling is it okay to stop and not think for awhile?
Just lay in one spot and forget about it all? 
Darling can I stop and think about you for a while? 
I think your the only thing I like thinking about. 
Being okay for a little feels good. 
Feels like those walls can move and breathe around me. 
Darling I'm afraid I'm not good enough anymore. 
I can't fix myself like I have been trying too. 
It's hard putting the pieces back together when I can't find them. 
I would search my soul and my heart for these pieces that I lost but I get so tired, I gave up. 
Darling is it wrong that I want to be prefect? 
Prefect for you and myself so being alive doesn't have to be a chore anymore? 
Darling. Don't leave.
I've already gaven up on myself that I can't have one more person write me off. 
Darling would you be mad at me if I leave? 
I would never leave you but if one day I disappear you can look up in the stars, that's were I'd be. 
I've always found peace in stars. 
Maybe I'll be one one day. 
Maybe one day you will be looking up at one and it will be me. 
Darling maybe you will remember the wish I always wished while looking up at me.


Details | ABC | |

Please dont cry

If I should leave this world please don’t cry for me, for I have gone to a better place
Which I’m sure is nothing compared to what I see here every day
If u knew what it took just to get through each day of my life you would let me go in peace!
Others hear of pain while I got to live with it till my last breath
Pain I felt so deep in my heart that no one could sense
Others laughed! I wept!
Others lived for the moment! I lived for a hopeful tomorrow
While others slept peacefully at night, I wondered how I will over come tomorrow
Sorrow took over me and no one could even see that
I almost resent the day I was born but then again I was told we are all here for a purpose,
Well mine seem to be misery this point in time!
So please if I should leave this place don’t cry, coz it will only make me mad where ever I will be.
Don’t judge me for whatever actions I have taken for you know nothing about my life at all
Yes you knew my name; you knew I was your relative, you knew what I liked to eat,
But believe me you know nothing about me all maybe you never took the time to know me.
Even when I went half-crazy you still could not see!
My cry was lauder then my laughter but you only chose to hear my laughter
You chose to see only my strengths but not my weakness!
I cried so loud but still no one could hear me!
You knew I was devastated but you blushed it off! You wanted me to act normal but deep down you knew there was a possibility is that I wasn’t. You got irritated when I was down or upset
So when I’m gone please don’t cry, rather pray for my soul to go in peace and be free at last, for my sins to be forgiven and to make it to the heavenly place that we are all promised
For I know that you are ok, there is no need for you to cry all is well for you and that’s all that matter.
My heart is filled with love for those closest to me and I believed in family with all my being.
Yes in my own way I was very strong to have put up with life for so long even when it crushed before my eyes a long time ago.
Most people want to be remembered long after they have gone,
Well as for me I wish to be forgotten and never missed by anyone on this place
For all I’m taking with me is pain and misery, which I would rather prefer to, leave behind with the rest of you.
I will not ask for you to take care of whatever I have left behind for I know that will be too much to ask and I know all will be well.


Details | ABC | |

let me be

I'm through with living in these and shackles and chains,
erase me now, set me free from this world,
where blood pours and tears rain,
to a land of love, set me free from these chains,

I’m through with living a life of which i do not belong,
erase me now, let my life begin,
in a world thats just right, where there is no wrong,
let me for once feel that i finally belong,

I'm through with this life that carries on forever,
erase me now, show me my end,
let my soul and my body escape together,
no part of living says you'll live forever,

I’m through with living in the land of the blind,
erase me now, let me see where i lay,
forget who i was, my true soul i must find,
open up the world to which once i was blind,

I’m through with living I’m done with the hate,
erase me now, let my true love embrace,
let me not change my future, let me accept my fate,
show me how to be, teach me not of hate.

I'm through with living where i can not be me,
erase me now let me delve ever deeper,
let my mind dance let my heart run free,
where i think not of them, I proclaim of only me.

I'm through with living, my time is now,
erase me now, to never be forgotten,
to escape from this world, just show me how,
the end is finally here, my time is now.

darkness will fall, bring my eyes to rest, 
darkness will fall, no beat in my chest,
peace it will bring, to finally be me,
peace it will bring, to finally be free.


Details | ABC | |

Bled Dry

Bled Dry 

I get so tired ,
 imminent blindness grows and
My eyes grow heavy,

I am like the walking dead,
The sun light hurts me so
Burns me to a color I despise
Mars my skin
The light illuminates my imperfections
Inside out

My walls are my tomb
The lovely warmth off its darkness holding me 
Keeping me safe
I want to stay there for an eternity
To quiet the rat race in my head
To stop the questions
The demands
To quiet myself
Sshh
Darkness is the most soothing thing

I feel drained 
I feel as if the passion as been has been bled from my veins
As if I myself have this time,
Taken a figurative blade to my soul
And the core off me is bleeding dry...

I look around at were I am
What am I doing
And I want to shed my skin 
And run
Is this me now?
Is this who I have become?
A shell off who I wanted to be
And everybody elses ideal...

Too much noise,
Too much noise
And no one understands
No one will shut up!
And listen
When I try to speak my voice cracks 
And the tears flow,

I want to fly
I want to see beauty and create it
I want to give hope back
But..
How can I if I have only a dram left off my own?


To late to late 
Comings and goings
And all that matters in this world is the clatter off coins and folding off notes
And people push and push
And my blood drains 
And my skin grows thinner
And all there is a white noise

I want my darkness...


Details | ABC | |

Time Out To Cry

All alone at the end of the day
The time, just a little past ten
Evening has come for a short stay
It’s time for her sorrow again
The smile on her face she’s been holding
Suddenly, she lets fall
And the feelings begin unfolding
She comes out of her personal wall
As the world settles down for the night
She awakens herself from a dream
The girl they thought had life going right
No longer the image she seemed
She takes off the disguise she’s wearing
Opens her heart to the truth
Now behind closed doors she’s not caring
About life, or love in her youth
She sits by the mirror spilling tears
And she cries by herself in the dark
Hours of acting like there’s no fears
Takes a lot from an empty heart
Inside she’s lonely and sad
But acts like she's fine by day
In her misery, wishing she had
A friend, or a promise to stay
Ashamed of the truth she’s been keeping
Living hours in daylight a lie
This is the reason in darkness she’s weeping
Taking time out from each day to cry


Written by Shannen Wrass

Copyright © 1995 Shannen Wrass. All Rights Reserved


Details | ABC | |

lonly

i am lonely..
forsaken neglected and unloved...
unspoken unseen and left out..
the whispers of depression..
the sights of stress..
believe me... listen to me..
i am dying slowly...
sun rises in the morning..
blighting up the new day..
yet i feel its the darkness..
that i feel everyday around me
lips are stiffen..
smiles are blocked..
eyes are open..
tears are doping..
heart is broken..
life is dripping...
i am shouting..
no one is listening..
i am lonely..
when the whole world is smiling..!


dilupa wijegunasekara
2012/10/28


Details | ABC | |

when i die

I wear a hoody so if I get arrested for a wrong crime
it means I’m automatically guilty
They say I’m the strong kind
But what if it’s the stuff I’m meant to survive that actually kills me?
They ask why I do stupid things and regress
They point and say damn he’s stressed
Then they ask how can you be depressed
When you’re dating a girl with double d breasts
I reply there won’t be a ring for her
I don’t feel a thing for her
It’s just a fling to me
She acts like I’m a king to her
It’s funny and kind of incredible
That these girls put me on a pedestal
But to me what’s most memorable
Is they look shocked when I fall
They think I’m some kind of prince charming
When not long ago I was depressed and self harming
I didn’t ask to be placed up there
Wish I was the guy to tell you you’re beautiful when your make up clears
When I’m gone don’t waste your tears
 I hope you find happiness and escape your fears
So when I die don’t act like I’m the greatest person who ever lived
Don’t paint me with accomplishments I never did
Be honest I could have been a better kid
Make sure all of my faults, weaknesses and downfalls are mentioned
I’m sorry if I never reach the end of my road to redemption
Remember I survived and fought through the depression
Forget the people who only care about what I left them
When I die I hope girlfriends, exs all the people I hurt
Realise I just never knew how to show them how much they’re worth
I hope when I die you can accept my apologies and love
I’ll see you when you you follow me up 


Details | ABC | |

Broken Cave

Lost in a hidden cave inside this little shell banging on the walls of glass creating these deep splintering cuts can't judge the person hiding when you haven't seen the tears that hide behind these eyes hiding inside the broken shell of a broken heart


Details | ABC | |

when a woman leaves a girl

after all,a woman's mistakes are different from a girl's
they are etched by fire on stone
they are in fact considered traits, not just errors
and now you're so alone
when you were 14 they all said how much potential you had
now you hit 19 or 20, and you're just considered bad
if you were a troubled kid, things were different than most for you
and i don't mean GETTING in trouble,although for some,it's that too
but depression is so very real,they just have no idea
and looking in the mirror to feel,you must skip your next meal
you are never good enough,and always fall just short of pretty
although you are considered smart and extremley funny and witty
they way that you percieve yourself,is different than what others see
at least that's what i have been told,do you agree with me?
but why is it that when your younger,people just want to help
but once you reach 19 or 20,your just dealt the cards your dealt
i don't feel any different inside,i can tell you that for certian
the older i get,the less they care,i hide behind a curtain
i'm still a kid at 21,at 22 as well..
im still a child in alot of ways,living in an emotional hell
where did all the helping hands go,the ones that were there before
i blame myself for not taking that help and will forever more
because now apparently,it's too late,nobody cares about me
i am not a cute little girl,just a woman who needs to be free
i ask of you,human to human,the next time you want to judge
pray for patience if you need to,ask for help from above
but something tells me im not alone,there are others who experienced this
there are others out there that need help so badly,please don't miss
don't miss their smiles,that are still so young,even though they look so grown
at 21 we are not adults,and pretending we are makes us feel alone
maybe i AM alone in this feeling,i have no idea
but what i do know,for sure i feel...this is very real.


Details | ABC | |

Meant to be-

My head is throbbing
and my tears are falling
my thoughts keep going back to you.

I feel my heart is breaking
all because of my mistaking
I guess I wasnt good enough.

I feel my heart is going faster
because they knew we'd never last
All I want is to have you back.

You wanted her instead of me
I guess I should just let it be
the words you said are killing me.


Perhaps it wasn't meant to be.


Details | ABC | |

the same ol'

Hi mommy. I'm glad you're clean
Or at least that's what it seems
Daddy called me
You send him and email
It had a picture
In that picture is what killed him
Fear bled through his every limb
Jazzys picture in the back
His soul went black
How could you do this
I thought it was all bliss
Why mommy?
You let it control again
I'm in shame
People in and out
They make me want to shout
My scars are from you
I am..Who?
It doesn't matter 
I'm just her
Mommy i want daddy
And he should have let you take the blame
Cause i knew it was going to be the same


Details | ABC | |

dilemma

Smidgen ahead of a dreadful time,
shatters a dream of wiser thine,
rage dipped words, in their seize,
all in breach, of my sleeping peace.
Douse my fire, not that lord of wind,
quench all desires, not though if skinned,
rob that tale, not the crown of crime,
and blight the bond, not the gust of grime.
Birth of anguish arrives in flood,
in mute they dissolve in our blood,
smell of rain, they drugged her brain,
and the underground claims all on lane.
Question of fate or a daughter of hate,
in chains of faith, the rust speaks straight,
overruns a war, one against that whole,
milestones they stand watching that patrol.
Seeps not a tear for her emblem of wound,
but cries oh dear that drove of ground,
breath of enigma, they speak a dilemma,
a life enmeshed,  now a moving comma.
 


Details | ABC | |

if you only knew

when you lose sight of what really counts
its easy to focus on only whats shallow
am i too fat is my nose too big
do i walk or talk weird whats wrong with me
when we forget the depth that is here in this world
and focus on things that are just absurd
so maybe im not a supermodel and my bums a tad on the thick side
and maybe im no a genius thats getting a scholorship on my side
but does that mean im nothing that i dont count
this world is getting sickening count me OUT
im ashamed of myself for even thinking like this
and obsessing to tears over shallow petty shit
i am praying that god hears my pleas for help
because i cant conquer this all by myself
i used to not care didnt care at all
but like any other i rise and fall
i am of the opinion that your body is a shell
and youll leave it behind when you go to heaven or hell
it will rot in the ground and count for nothing
and when i meet my maker he wont care how big my bum is
some women ONLY care about their looks and they dont get it
they dont see the big picture 
and i fear theyll regret it 
and other women dont care even at all 
about their looks because their depth is so massive and raw
but then theres me in the middle with so much depth and spirituality
why do i waste time wondering what are all the things wrong with me
im sick of crying over it ive done it for too long
im sick of getting angry when i cant crawl out of my bod
its a thought that i had reguarding a cacoon
like how catapielers go into them and out comes a butterfly zoom
if i could just crawl out my mouth my soul free for just a moment
and be allowed to have a different shell to live and own it
i wonder what its like to feel just for a second
not arrogance but a sweet compliment from someone who MEANT IT
my desperate pleas go out to you and anyone else who will listen
i hate my body im sick of my face and my voice is just ridiculous
so lets just drop it in the ocean let it sail away
cuz me im going to better places where i dont have to cry all day
where i know that my body is just a little shell a vehicle if you will
its our car or truck or limo or bus to use while we use our free will
and ive always said when you go you don't take your money your lambergini
or your watch expensive jewlery its all staying beind
and you should think about what YOUR world is while im trying desperatley to fix mine


Details | ABC | |

The Revival by Michael Byron Dale Hamilton

I have felt the love
I have felt the hate
I have felt the life leave my heart

I have felt the ones I loved betray me
I have felt ones care from afar
I have always wanted a few besides me
Without them I am nothing

Whether you are there from afar
Or walking by my side
Whether patting my back
Or giving me a tender kiss of life

I have been mocked with riches
And I tore myself down 
"Life is going to hell" I said
As i crossed on to a dangerous path of life

But after today
Things have went my way
And nothing now feels wrong

The past is gone now
These times anew
But at least these times
I'll spend time with you

I was the voice of which could not be heard
I was the song which couldn't be sung
I was the one that went unnoticed
I was the bell that was un-rung

I was one of the lucky ones
I had my friends there all the way
To revive me from my aches and sorrows
Bringing back my true life

I noticed life was passing by
As life soared right by my side
I gathered all my strength and spread my wings
And now with life I fly

The Revival by Michael Byron Dale Hamilton


Details | ABC | |

Wading in the Water

I'm wading in the water --
World at my fingertips.
The sun drying out my hair,
Water rolling off my lips.

The world would be like so --
If it were without flaw.
The truth, that's covered from your eyes
Is not like this at all.

I'm sinking down into the depths -- 
The darkness of unknown.
I cannot help but to feel
Confined, so lost, alone.

My head goes under as I sink --
I cannot see my way.
Underneath the water I cannot tell,
Is it night or day?

I reach my hand up to the light -- 
Where black turns into blue.
I search for help, but I find
You ignore my call to you.

I see a dock and I can grab --
A tiny piece of wood.
But as I pull myself to Earth,
It breaks, it does no good.

I'm drowning in the ocean --
And all I see is you.
The way you seem to smile at me,
I must look good in blue.


Details | ABC | |

nature

lady bug lady bug
come fly with me
over the hills and over the trees
living off the land
with the birds and the bees
nesting in logs and fallen leaves
feeling safe and warm in natures breeze
so hand in hand we will go
to never look back
at the love i lack
the pain and sorrow
i had felt
its over now
let it be tomorrow


Details | ABC | |

Things go wrong

Love hurts and people change. Things go wrong and things get strange. But life goes on and you only life it once. Be strong cause things will get better over the months. I thought I was heartbroken, I thought you were my world. You fooled me though, made me think I was your only girl. But all along, you didnt care. Im not sure, your were even completely there. But now I've moved on, when I thought it was impossible. I had to be the bigger person in this breakup, I was responsible. I let it get to me, but I didnt let it ruin me completely. I didnt do anything about the hurt you caused me, I acted so sweetly. I let you walk all over me, I tried to ignore how you disrespected me. But when I ended things, the pain was easier to see.


Details | ABC | |

Have you ever

Have you ever
felt like jumping out of your skin?

Like staying alive and dying hurt just the same
so you dangle dangerously between two lines on the edge praying it won't crumble under your unbearable weight but at the same time summoning the courage to jump.

Have you ever died inside?

Felt the emptiness that hazes your days with black
where you want to cry but nothing comes

when there's a hole so wide and deep you can't figure out
how you dug yourself to that point
but there you are frayed,broken and falling apart your seams that hold you together are visibly untying and you hope that everything that makes you up whole will be enough in the end.


Details | ABC | |

The pain

I wish upon a falling star to erase my past and remove my scars
I wish upon this blurring light for the bullying to end tonight
I wish upon the razor in my hand to end the tears and the pain within
I wish upon this rope I tie to end the suffering and strife
I wish upon this tree I climb to not make me fail this time
I wish upon this falling star to keep me here until the struggling stops


Details | ABC | |

Tangled Vines

 Feeling lost as I stand  by that ivy tree 
               on this emerald field
   With mixed emotion over you with nowhere to run 
 Feeling astray from here where we first were happy 
                  But that is gone 
    As I stand by this old tree of vines
       I looked upon the summer sky 
            Utterd these simple words 
          To the sun giver of light and to clouds
              That makes dampend sorrows
        Why did that person toy with my heart and not love me so

  Then i turned my head quick to the ivy tree 
  Placed my hand on the rugged vine tree
       Feeling a new life pull me deep within 
 All wrapped around my fate with it's tangled vines 
 Now I'm trapped as I cried to the sky with prayer for my wrongs 
    A love with tangled vines I never wanted you like this 
               In your tangled vine that haunts 

7-19-13
For tangled vines contest


Details | ABC | |

love child

tempted mistress bore a son
acid spit from serpents tongue
sinners sin with no remorse
natures crule and twisted course
passions lust fades away
embedded in the soul to stay
pain conceived of rage
trapped with in a lovers cage
hatreds blade sheds scarlet tears
glaring eyes, ringing ears
adultery's sorrowed tail
an innocents life impaled


Details | ABC | |

Everyday

It’s a masquerade-a fancy ball
Take a chance, wear a mask
A disguise is the life
Never let the truth slip out.

Play by the rules, don’t take a chance,
Don’t wait around, don’t leave a trail.
A new life, a new style…
live a lie, don’t be shy.

Outside is different, inside is same
A new name, a new face.
Keep quiet, don’t speak up
Listen-that’s enough.

Every day different, everyday same;
Always pretending that nothing has changed.
Hiding behind names, hiding behind faces-
Opening up to a new beginning.


Details | ABC | |

flower in the desert

i hate your silence..when u don't speak a word..
even when u don't express in your moves..
believe me. i do hate that in you..
i try to figure..
what you are trying to say..
when you don't show any movements..
we have gone a distance..
heart is failing to fill..
the love that was pouring within..
what could have been the fault..
in the darkest night i wonder..
no answer was given..
your heart is getting colder..
in the place you gave me warmth..
what happening i whisper..
i am trying to gather..
all the leftover reasons..
to find a valid reason..
of our love that's faded........
tears and whispers..
for the love that's  withed..
like a flower in the desert..!!!!!!!!


dilupa wijegunasekara
2012/10/27


Details | ABC | |

Damaged Rose

If we never speak again sorry I forgot to mention that this pain I contain is deeper than you can Imagine that's why I feel being with you just couldn't happen. Letting blood sucking leeches suck all the self love I needed left feeling weak scared to speak shivering in the darkness where I remain,like a snail in it's shell I stay but secretly I want to get away but to insecure and afraid you want to come to my rescue fix me but I won't let you because now the pain is seeping back through the creases all the hurt from the past has me truly believing that I'm not worthy of your attention and affection. Sorry to push you away to many bad recollections have become so guarded it's my protection I know you wonder why? about these tears I cry and all you want to do is dry my eyes help me kill the pain inside make me realize all that I am but I just won't let you, just can't Evan though your the perfect man I hope you understand. I know nobody's perfect but because I'm hurting I don't feel worth it, how could it be true if i don't feel beautiful enough for you? How could there be a happy future for us tomorrow if I am so full of sorrow? Behind the heavily guarded door that stays closed lies a damaged rose and the pain I contain is deeper than I imagined giving you a damaged rose couldn't happen.


Details | ABC | |

I never meant to hurt the one I love

I am so shame of who 
I become
I lay here with a bottle of pills 
Debating if my life and everyone else 
Would be better without 
Me in it
All I ever do lately 
Is hurt everyone 
I love 
I never meant to hurt 
Anyone that have's loved me
I am sorry to everyone I have hurt
I'll go ahead and take me life
So everyone 
Will and do better without me
In it their life
Cause my life ant going anywhere
All I am depress
I find it 
Best when I write poetry 
It's all I got anymore
So goodbye to all I have hurt.


Details | ABC | |

Fourteen Catfish

        Fourteen Catfish
Fourteen catfish swimin along
one was caught cause he went wrong
thriteen catfish swimin all night
two got hooked before daylight
eleven catfish in the brook
seven fell for the fisherman's hook
four big catfish sniffin bait
three of them just couldn't wait
one fat catfish all alone
got no girlfriend of his own.
      © ron wilson


Details | ABC | |

life worths

I also once had a perfect life
I once had moments with full of pride
I glittered around like a free butterfly
I used to live like never gonna die

I once laughed like never before
I once used to smile from the heart's core
I was a doll for whom people would think
Can freeze everything just with a blink

I too once had an envious life
Was all happy with fantasying pride
A perfect face with the perfect phase
Glancing at what people would craze

But one day you have to go through that time
Trust me it tastes worse than a lime
The moment i felt there can't be any cut
The doors to happiness felt tightly shut

Only i know the pain of those breezes
Who changed their directions and echoed those teases
When everything is perfect world runs along
At worst of moments they themselves will prove you wrong

Nobody is there to wipe your tear
Don't look around or you'll die with fear
Nobody's gonna feel your tear when you’re dead 
Even the mother eye rejects the tear ahead

Time made that doll to creep and crawl
She became the one for whom nobody would fall
Time made her life so lousy and brawl
Now who'll believe once for her people crazed to fall

Never call your life a "perfect" one 
As time and tide waits for none
I too once had a perfect life
Now ask me as I have nothing for that pride

But life moves on and the world is vast
Just live each moment as it is your last
Or else who knows if there'll be a day
When you'll end your life in some worst dismay!!!


Details | ABC | |

Okay

“Okay”

You ask me if I’m alright
I say “I’m okay”
You say you worry about me
I tell you “don’t worry, it’s okay”
You wonder if anything is wrong
I say, “Nothing is wrong, everything’s okay”
You ask if there is anything you can do
I tell you, “you don’t need to do anything, I’ll be okay”
Then I have to look to see and ask myself…
Am I alright?
Why do they worry, should I worry?
Is there anything wrong?
Is there anything I can do?
Then I know…
I’m not okay
It’s not okay
Ok?


Details | ABC | |

A path to a road

i can see myself now 
few years i'll be sailing 
looking from the sea
the ease and comfort i feel
being alone and not afraid
able to understand the years gone by
come to terms with peoples decisions
but i still feel grief
i still feel hollow
i still feel alone 
its the time where i think 
we can only have one life
lets not make it in vein 
so i ask myself often 
what is your challenge ? 
what do you strive for?
what will it take?
and at times i feel its all too hard
it cant be done 
then i ask, what is stopping me?
why cant i do it..
one life is what one makes it
i can make a difference 
a small one but at least its a start
i can make my own path 
pave my way through the obsticles
and maybe one day look back 
and look how far i have gone 
because we all are challenged
we all have grief, heart ache 
and struggles 
but its the distance we go 
to make the journey worth fighting for
will you fight for it?
will you fight the next person beside you?
will they fight for you? 
will there path co-operate with yours?
friend or lover we all learn with one another
and seek our paths 


Details | ABC | |

My Dream

I had a dream of u today u called me and told me it was all a bad dream u didnt have to go away wen i woke up i felt like screaming and crying im falling apart without u here its like a part of me is dying  all i can see is a big smile on ur face u kno nobody will ever take ur place its so hard for me to stay strong with my best homie gone the thing thats hardest for me to accept n comprehend that im never gona see u again that kills me inside wen u left us i feel like apart of me died i dont kno wat to do but all i kno is wen u left apart of me went with you


Details | ABC | |

Love drugs

my drug
my cure
temporary
----- pure
 
it's high
it lie
i'll die
i'll try
 
to taste
a glance
i'll chase
my chance
 
and live
my life
in grieve
enhance

www.thinktok.blogger.com


Details | ABC | |

Go To Hell

**** it i wanna go to hell,
cuz ima peice of *****it aint hard to ****in tell.

It aint good livin wit da goody goodies,
i like black in all black sittin right  next to your casket wit a heart attack. 

Loud bass pounding your brains in,
making you wanna do anythin but sin.

Cuz you no that music is salvation,
but i ****ed up way to much, that's why im on probation.

Not just just wit da law, but also with the Christ committees,
and than the Lord looks down upon me and says, "wat the **** is wrong wit it"?

"I created him to serve me, 
but now all i see is him falling away from my family tree". 

So that is why i wanna go to hell,
cuz ima piece of shit, it aint hard to ****in tell.  


PS: sorry readers for all the cuss words. i wrote this wen i was in jail. i just got out last Sunday so ima post some more of my prison work if you don't mind. please leave comment and tell me wat you think.


Details | ABC | |

all she wrote

no im not that girl
im not like the rest of the world
i have brown hair, not blonde
can't erase my big bum with a magic wand
i wish i could,believe YOU me
anything but this is what i wanna be
now is this a way for a person to feel?
like you'd do anything even skip 4 days of meals
i wish i could make it so no girl in the world
would never have to feel like she is just a girl
i wish we could all love ourselves
im not perfect
beauty is in the eye of the beholder they say
and i believe thats truth
it doesnt matter anyway
i should be happy with my youth
when did someone decide that in order to be beautiful,we must all be the same?
we must be thinner,thinner,thinner
we must be winners,winners,winners
my chests not that small,my bums a little big 
and im brown haired not blonde i dont happen to think that makes me a pig
you wanna talk about a pathetic existence??
some blonde hair dye and a finger down your throat
that's all she wrote


Details | ABC | |

Mama

Mama, why am I so alone,
I cant go outside,
Im scared I might not make it home.
Im alive,
But Im sinking.
Ive been here before and I deserve
a little more .
Why are they lying?
When I think of heaven ,
I think of dying.
Please help me ...
Help me believe in me,
I want to be someone who believes.
Mama , cant you see?


Details | ABC | |

Cross Your Heart

Cross your heart
And promise nothing but lies
Laugh at my pain
And stare me in the eyes.
The sins you've made
The people you've hurt
Is it really any wonder
Why you now feel like dirt?
The acid of your words
Eats through everything
Destroying happiness
Murdering love
Burning laughter
Compromising hope.
But the one thing you don’t see
Is the only one being hurt
Is you.
Your hope diminishing
Your happiness vanishing
Your laughter ending
All for nothing
But a few minutes of someone
Else’s pain.


Details | ABC | |

I'm Just Me

I know I have curves 
I'm not skinny like the other girls
I have some what of a belly
My eyes are Brown instead of Blue
I'm big bone
Not skin and bones
I'm Just Me
Nothing Special
So Why is it so hard 
For someone to love me
I know my laugh ant perfect
I'm the girl sitting on a bar stool
Wondering Why Not Me
I got a lot to offer
All I ever ask for is to be loved
I got my mistake 
But No one is Perfect 
I'm Just Me
I never get ask to dance
Yes I Birth three cute  kids
I have a little wight
It shouldn't matter if you really wanted to be with me
Their are days I like to be lazy
And Wear my fave it pair of sweat pants
Just snuggle on the sofa
I'm Just Me
So why does all the men pick the girls who looks like they need to eat
Instead of me..


Details | ABC | |

The meat

A few toys were her trade standing on the side of the passage. Bearing the daring of a beginner she had being long hours frustrated. Seaming week enough a close forties male approach. Never looking at the toys he whisper at her ear. The toys were cheap but the girl choose to have no price. The man turned to go away. But what a price is to buy if you care for the one you wanted for party.! The girl looked down at the toys in tears wiping the edge of her sharp eye.


Details | ABC | |

Give me love

Lately I've been waking up alone
I just wanna hold you
we can play hide n seek 
all I wanna do is lay next to you.
It's been awhile
Sense I'll held you
Maybe I should let you go
All I want is to taste your lips
I know the best thing to do is to let you go.
But my heart isn't ready too
Maybe tonight I'll call ya
Just to say Hi!
All I want is for us to go back the way where before
But I know it's all in my mind.
I know it's been years
But I just can't let you go
Give me love
Give me a Second chance
I love you 
Why can't you see that..


Details | ABC | |

My life of Grief llContents advised for some peoplell

All thought my head
Beatings from the night before
Cuttings on my wrist from before
Doodling Art through my skin
Even though its not enough
Fire speading up my wirst
Gotta go ahead
Head from the top
In hectic thoughts
Just the same from the night before
Kicking and thrashing in store tonight
Lying almost lifeless on the floor
Moving hardly from the pain
Never knew what life is for
Out casted from the rest
People cant help me, I'm too far broken
Quiting cuttings never coming
Resting in a shallow abyss
Sending signals of dying
Though my tears never coming
Under a great depression
Venturing in a mind state like never before
Why is my life like this?
Xtra questions never answered
Yearing for a new beginning
Zzzz... Finally an escape complete


Details | ABC | |

Relapse

Blood turns to scars,
It is over and done,
The battle...I finally won. 
 
I’m walking on air,
Unprepared for what’s to come,
Soon to feel dead and numb.
 
The blood, the blades,
The unforgettable pain,
Nothing but this is keeping me sane.
 
The tears I cried,
The blood I bled,
The times I wished I could be dead.
 
Again…This is how I feel,
The end is far, the beginning is near,
Nothing to laugh at, plenty to fear.
 
The blade is much sharper,
The blood drips much faster,
Suicide…that is what I wish to master.


Details | ABC | |

empty

in another empty space
i am lonely as can be,
but know one can help me,
for i am lost with in myself, 
tryin to find in an empty space,
that i can not get ouy of,
there is still no way out.......


Details | ABC | |

pain and sorrow

All the pain the sorrow 
All the tears all the scars
All the heart ach all the pain
We hide it all deep in side us so know one will see it 
We hide in our own emotions 
Sometimes we might look happy but really we are sad 
Sometimes we look happy and we really are
How can you tell the deferent’s?
Why do we hurt so much? 
There are so many reasons 
Sometimes there’s know way to fix it 


Details | ABC | |

Lord Can You Hear Me

Lord, life's been crazy lately 
Long and bumpy roads 
And I been on this path so long 
I don't know where it goes 
I know I promise very often 
If you help me I'll be good 
But the devils lives here deeply,Lord 
He's strong in every Hood 
I'm on my knees and praying 
Cause I can't go on like this 
I've escaped death so many times 
I'm scared the next won't miss 
See I really didn't care before 
And now I'm not alone 
I wanna know my kids are safe 
Before you call me home 
You took away my sins one time 
Help me Lord again 
I'll be your servant right now Lord 
In your name I pray AMEN


Details | ABC | |

say goodbye

I lay in my bedroom asking why?
Then I relize it not me its the cold hearted guy!
I'm sick and tired of hearing all his lies,
Now I've decided its time to say goodbye!

Ive been hurt many times through the years,
I no longer show emotion,
Because I've ran out of tears.
I'm so tired of you bringin me down,
Makin me walk around with a frown,
I'ts time to erase you from my memory,
and no longer be in misery.

So much wasted time, 
And you aint even worth a dime!
Never understood you,
and why you act the way you do!

You broke my heart,
Then tore me apart,
Dont ever again try to speak to me,
Just do me a favor and let me be!!

 


Details | ABC | |

MEN AND ME

MEN COME AND GO
SOME FRIENDS LAST A LIFE TIME
ITS OKAY TO HAVE MORALS AND SAY NO	
LIFE IS A HUGE MOUNTAIN TO OVER COME AND CLIMB
IM NOT ABOUT TO SLIP BACK 
INTO THE PAST 
IM NOT GOING BACK TO THE METH AND THE CRACK 
DAMN HOW LONG IS THIS DEPRESSION GOIN TO LAST
MEN LIKE TO PLAY THEIR GAME 
I GUESS SOME WOMEN DO THE SAME 
I AINT THE ONE 
I LIKE TO HAVE A GOOD TIME I LOVE TO HAVE FUN
BUT I AINT BOWING DOWN FOR ANYONE 
IM DONE 
BEING A PUSH OVER
AND NOW THAT I AM SOBER 
I CAN THINK CLEAR
I MISS MY GRANDMA SO MUCH HAVE A LOT OF FEAR
AND DEPRESSION WITH OUT HER HERE
BUT MY BRAIN
STILL AINT RIGHT 
I FEEL LIKE IM GOING INSAIN 
I NEED MY LUTHUIM BACK OR I JUST MIGHT 
MEN SAY THEY ARE FOR REAL 
JUST GET TO STEPPING SO I CAN TAKE MY KLONIPION PILL
I DON’T NEED THE BS IN MY ALREADY MESSED UP LIFE
I WOULD MAKE A GREAT GIRLFRIEND OR WIFE
BUT I GUESS ITS NOT FOR ME 
SO UNTIL IT IS I WILL REMAIN SINGLE AND FREE
I AINT ABOUT TO SETTLE FOR LESS 
THAN I NEED AND MAKE ANOTHER MESS
IN MY HEAD
IM NOT ABOUT TO JUST JUMP INTO BED 
AND GIVE U WANT U THINK U NEED 
AND IM NOT ABOUT TO CUT TO SEE MYSELF BLEED 
IM ABOUT TO CLOWN ON ANYONE WHO WANTS TO PLAY 
THE GAME CUZ NOW ITS MY TIME IT’S A NEW DAY 
AND IM STRONGER
AND IM WISER 
AND I DON’T CARE IF IT TAKES LONGER 
TO FIND SOMEONE GREAT
IM JUST NOT THE ONE TO MAKE IT ON THE FIRST OR EVEN 4TH DATE
I NOW HAVE MORE RESPECT AND MORE CLASS
AND ANYONE WHO AINT DOWN CAN KISS MY FAT ASS


Details | ABC | |

stand by me

stand by me please , i ask you from a bad place . stand by me. one more blow to the heart could knock me down .one more big blow of the wind could blow me over. lost of balance , swaying back and fourth like a tree .waiting for the branch to break , fall to the ground.hold my hand , feel that heat , the sweat of my palms , nervous of losing everything , holding it down .stay with me , dont leave me . i dont know if i could take anymore pain . being a fellow alone , is worst then being blind and death during a lighting storm . lost on my own.hold me , feel that , the race of my plause , the feeling of blood racing through my vain and back to my control center . my heart , that broken body part . yet it keeps on pumping .


Details | ABC | |

I'm no longer the little girl I once where

I'm no longer the little girl I once where
I've grew into a young woman
who still have struggles 
And questions
I'm trying
I've even try to change myself
But I only became a person that wasn't me
I left love go from life
thinking I never deserve it 
I'm trying
I push away a lot of people away
From being so afraid
Of what may happen
I don't wanna be afraid anymore
but I always seem to be.


Details | ABC | |

Gone Forever

Gone Forever
I think about you every day and hope that you’ll return
You left us way too soon, and for you I always yearn
I can’t believe you’re gone forever, I am still in disbelief
Not a day goes by that my heart is not filled with grief
Never did I think that you would get sick and pass away
It feels like we were playing basketball just yesterday
Everything I do reminds me of you, dad
The thought that I can’t call you anymore makes me really sad
I know you’re in a better place, no longer in pain or discomfort
But when I realize that you’re gone forever, my heart begins to hurt
I love you so much and I miss all the times we shared
Knowing that you’re gone forever makes me really scared 
Who am I gonna call when I need help with my car?
And who’s gonna make fun of me for all my careless scars?
You were so laid back and easygoing, you never complained about much
I miss your calm demeanor and your soft, gentle touch
I tell you how much I love you each and every day
I wish I could hear you talk to me and tell me that you’re okay
A lot has changed since you got sick, and life will never be the same
All I want is one more kiss and to hear you call my name



Details | ABC | |

rewind and breakout

this shy shell, must be broken. I need to be set free. What my heart desires, lies in the past. That one moment that one chance taken away by a broken shell and time that moved way too quickly. Take a step into the past change it. Speak up and let it out but it's too late my chance, just a blink in the past.


Details | ABC | |

Suffer

Born to suffer,
forced to live like non other
tag me as a bother..
crush my hopes as a blunder
hold me hostage 6 feet under
ponder me a stain, I wonder?
Death has no thirst for me!
Blasphemy?
what could be the worst for me...
The land I walk on burns, love is love
But desire turns..
I am a product of the soil,
faild to blend in, i am like water in oil.
My destiny is now and after.
tortured now and after..
got me thinking mybe i was born to suffer
like no other.


Details | ABC | |

Come back

The pains starting to kick in now that i am all alone.
 I wish i could just take everything back and make it all how it use to be. 
I was so happy when it was just you and me.
 Everyones made these lies and rumors to make me look bad.
 I know thats the reason your so mad. 
You dont believe them but you dont wanna look dumb. 
I feel so broken inside. I
ts like when you left, a part of me died. 
I held it back for some time and i feel so stupid for not chasing what was mine.
 I acted like everything was okay like i was just fine.
 No adam, no. You have no idea baby you dont know. 
Your probably gonna laugh when you read this. 
If i ever get the guts to even email you this. 
Youll probably show your friends and have a laugh with them.
 To me, you were always that perfect him.
 I looked aside on your inperfections and made them perfect.
 I wish i wouldve told you, none of this was worth it.
 I never cheated. I never meant to hurt you. 
I shouldve told you the whole story. 
Maybe we would still be together, maybe we couldve lasted forever.
 Now your gone, and im all alone. Baby, come back.. you were my back bone. 
I never thought what we had, would ever end so bad.
 I miss all the memories we shared. At all the other jealous couples that stared.
 I miss being your baby girl, i miss being one of the important things to you in this world.
 Im not ready to through almost two years away,  i fell in love with you and i still feel the same way.
 You are and always will be number one. Please dont let me go. Im falling apart. I need you..
**Please do not correct my poem in any way I am only 14 I will learn from my mistakes but I was in a hurry just typing away what was on my mind. 


Details | ABC | |

Anxiety

Trapped in this world of guilt,
Tangled in the world of misery,
Unnoticed by the people I love,

Want to smile but killed by angst,
Fall behind just to think it through,
Build myself up day by day,
By lying to myself,

The lies I start to belive.


Details | ABC | |

the fight


Heart thumping
coliding with emontions
angish builds up 
feel confined feel alone
feel everything around destruct 
fall down on top of you 
emotionless..torn down by peers
a never ending nightmare 
im sinking in quicksand
inner peace seeking by all means
influence, resilience and insperation..
In desperate need for all
compassionate one stands first
knocked down time after time
the search for strength
fought off the swords 
feel the power, the tention loose 
set your self free
break a smile 
look around.. who is here?
what completes your longing?
who dares you to succeed?
who inspires you?
raise your fist and take that step
lift me up and rise agasint
all negitive energy
youth brings us to be nieve 
we are invisable
much with being wise 
being able to understand
for pain will never end
the lessons are for us
forever gaining momentum
until our last day


Details | ABC | |

feeling blue

Feeling low within my soul
No smile or frown just feeling down
But don't worry or feel sorry
I like to reflect so don't reject
For feeling like this can be bliss
If you understand that feeling bland
Is not a bad or good state
But one that shows you are alive
That your body and soul will survive
Although your heart is open and defeated
And the blues have hit you and you feel it
Remember the blues know you and you know them
All too well and they are your friend
They are there for you in your time of need
And there to guide you through pain with ease.


Details | ABC | |

You Can't Be Like This

I know you're still doing dope
Just by the way you mope
You went to get clean
You got really mean
I've talked to Rick
And now you make me sick
You lied
I cried
You assume i can't tell
I feel like you're trying to put me under your spell
I'm done pretending
It's time to come clean


Details | ABC | |

Anthem (part one)

In a tunnel under earth, we were given a curse
In this world, we am called reverse
Eager to think and question
These things bring out nothing but aggression

We are one in all and all in one

Sent to the house of the street sweeper
Keep my thoughts from them, ill think deeper
In a subway we find the device
Must show the council word of advice

We are one in all and all in one


Details | ABC | |

Stand tall

   Stand Tall


 
Sometimes I think of the past and how fast it's passed
It seems like time has ran out of my grasp at last
The hurt and pain that bursts with shame is something I have no control of
If you tried to take me down you can't because what I have left is love
 
Stand Tall, Stand Tall!
I will never bow down , at all
No matter how hard it gets
I will stand tall even if I sweat
 
Time has really come and gone
I will always remember what you did was wrong
I've alway took in the hits and kicks, heck you beat me down
Here's the little twist you missed, I bet you thought I wouldn't come around
 
Stand Tall, Stand Tall!
I will never bow down, at all
No matter how hard it gets
I will stand tall even if I sweat
 
No matter how much pain you made me swim in
I look at today and I am up and livin'
You want to manipulate and make me up a story
I don't want this man to get people doing things for me
 
Stand Tall, Stand Tall!
I will never bow down, at all
No matter how hard it gets
I will stand tall even if I sweat
 
Today I take a look, I feel like I am shook
I keep thinking to stay on my feet
So I don't make the same mistakes that won't repeat
I am here now and for always, I am a clouded cloud through all days
 
Stand Tall, Stand Tall!
I will never bow down, at all
No matter how hard it gets
I will stand tall even if I sweat
 
By: Robert Barrett
 
 
 


Details | ABC | |

Emotional Sleep

The darkened room places shadows on the walls
I lay on my side and cuddle into a ball, closing my eyes
Feeling unsafe and wondering how long I'll live
I've been sickly now for a pretty long time 
And I wonder how much longer before I die?

My mind gets so cluttered with all the things in my life
Without relief or support, I wonder what can I do? 
A knock, then bang, shhhh, don't  cry out or speak, 
Maybe they will think no one is here and just go away 

Now I can see a shadow on the blind, it's only my cat, Valentine
Seems she is lonely wants to be close to me, but why?
As i lay in my bed, I'm no good to myself but pet her head
And my head starts spinning with so much I dread

This world is for some people, and some people not
As Whitney and Robin Williams who left us behind
But I lay here a coward, wondering how it would be
My eyes are now heavy, I can't stay awake
So please Lord take me, so I can finally get sleep.


Details | ABC | |

BETRAYAL

Forever together, unaware of their fate,
Happy they were and in blissful ignorance,
But true to their natures they were destined to separate,
And instead of friendship, betrayal was to take place.

The shock of this betrayal shook her soul,
That unexpected treachery struck her blind,
All that was left for her was to flop down and howl,
And hope that her beloved friend would respond in kind.

But that was a hope that went in vain,
Because she was made to be left alone,
Friendless she was now and was left to endure the pain,
With the grief of her lonely life to be quietly borne.

Cursing about why she should lose her only friend,
And why betrayal was to be written in her fate,
All the happy times had come to an end,
And she became as lonely as she could get.

Her life had now become a burden to bear,
Living to her seemed so worthless,
No one seemed to love her, no one did care,
With thoughts of death she became obsessed.

The friend who betrayed her didn’t remain happy for long,
Realization of her sin now dawned upon her,
The feeling of repentance now swept her along,
And she really regretted leaving her friend in a lurch.

Tearful and sorry her friend she went to find,
She wanted all the good times once more,
For now those happy memories had started flashing in her mind,
And she hoped for more happiness in store.


On arriving at her friend’s with horror she saw,
That she had realized her mistake too late,
For her friend lay on the bed lifeless now,
With a sweet, small smile on her face.

To her face which was so lifeless and white,
The smile gave unexpected beauty and peace,
The horrified friend nearly fainted at that sight,
And her flowing tears refused to cease.

The smile on the face seemed to say a lot,
Some important words were getting unfurled,
And in this one smile the dead friend sought,
A way to tell her friend her unspoken words.

“My beloved friend you betrayed me,
And left me alone to live my life,
But life without my friend has no meaning,
And hope that in heaven we unite…”


Details | ABC | |

Fire

A fire in my heart
Blazes brightly- for the entire world to see
Caressing the wind
Dancing on the wood
Effortlessly glowing
Feverishly hot


Details | ABC | |

Knife and Lust

Walking these streets of manhattan so aimlessly 
All alone in the dark only lights by the city shops 
I'm scared alone feeling out of love now lost the knife was rough 
You stabbed me in the back all I can do is Cry on my knees veins hot as fire 
With mixed emotions running through 
It's Like this dagger killing me more inside all this love and all this hate burns me away 
Deep inside passion urning for another lusting after another 
As if I were a lion in a jungle taking that prey and burning up with tense desire 
It's like a knife with loves wounds after the lust 
This is very hard for me in a world you left me bleeding alone 
Never picked me up left my heart to die out 
With my tears hitting the city pavement times like this just burns me away 
Love can go off like a loaded gun a love  vanishes just like a knife with lust 
-- by Brian OToole jr. 
Share!



Details | ABC | |

People

Some people will never learn,
Those who dont, cause concern.
They act like kids and it's all a game,
This is reality, Not something to play.
They dont care to see how it effects others,
Sex, drugs, and parties is all it is,
and all we can think is "Oh Brother!"
I dont understand how stupid people can be,
Just when you think it couldn't get any worse, There they go, Never cease to amaze me.
Because of this I may lose the one person I would hate to lose, Try again Please,
Even though we're only friends, I want to be selfish,
But even more, I want you to be happy.
I'm anti-social from time to time,
Time to think about the good things in life.
I hope that you could please remind me,
What is this piece of sh!t world coming to be?
I'm afraid if he goes, we'll lose touch,
and maybe the fact... I'll miss him too much.
Some people will never learn,
Those who dont, cause concern.
They act like kids and it's all a game,
This is reality, Not something to play.


Details | ABC | |

Reminders

Shards of glass everywhere,
I keep finding them here and there
They had to break a window to get in,
To save me from my sin
Faint reminders of that night,
I didn't want to fight
My heart is still broken,
It may heal soon, but when?
What I did,
Was really stupid

For love I thought was true,
I was hurt, and didn't know what to do
For a while I felt no pain,
And had nothing to gain
It was so peaceful,
Feeling nothing at all
I think I want to live,
I haven't much left to give
I want love to come my way,
Who knows when, but some day






Details | ABC | |

Surely

Surely!







I felt like exploding. 
The back of my eyes were burning.

What had happened here? 
There must have been times when I felt more than this. 
There had to be. 
Surely.

It was Tuesday afternoon, around 12.20pm, that I realised what had to be done. 
Someone had to pay!

I have lived, up until now, a privileged life. 
One really of no hard labour, unlike many of those around me. 
I suppose I felt superior to some people in many ways. 
Should I have thoughts like this as a member of the human race? 
There you go you see, human race, race, the word that we have put into who we are, its a race, we are racing, racing each other. 

Where will it be the race, who is in the, race, yes indeed!
Mumblings of a mad man corrode the in workings to such a degree that there seems no way out!
Surely we had felt more than this?

Surely!   




Scott. T . Williams.


Details | ABC | |

Zero In

Anticipating, beckoning, casting demonic, enviable fury, gazing hungrily inside, jutting kerosene, littering masses never opted, putrefying quills, reverting sympathy, turning upside-down…vaccinating whim, x-raying yesteryears…zero in


Details | ABC | |

You tell me to stand as you hold me down

The day I have to watch what I say 
Is the day I wake up to see that I lost myself 
Ask me why I want to run away As your screaming at me everyday 
Ask me why I can't stand my life 
When every time I stand up you push me from behind  
Tell me the world is at my feet and you will always be there 
When I look around and see my family crying to my face and scheming when I walk away 
Tell me to fix my life when my life is locked so far away from me I can't even see myself in the mirror
Now ask yourself why isn't she happy 
We promise the world when she leaves 
Only to dangle her dreams out of reach 
Why do my words mean so much to you 
When the world can see that you aren't true
But behind close doors you don't have a clue 
You told me if I was lost you would find me 
But when tears stream from my face and I tell you 
Daddy, I don't know what I am doing 
Daddy, help me through Daddy please I really need you 
A stone face looks at me and says You've been lost for years 
I'm sure you will pull through 
My hate has been mistake for strength
And your hate and my hate 
Broke a soul I can never remake 
You tell me emotion are for the weak 
We beat them down till they are on full retreat 
I lived a life of feelings and friends 
And that was when I was at my weakest 
So you pulled me back in 
But daddy can I tell you have you ever cried yourself asleep 
Because your words cut to deep.
Have you ever been so happy that you promised yourself nothing could take that away 
Just to see a knife to your throat by the person that swore to protect you 
Imagines of the past rip through my future 
As every step becomes cold and calculated 
Disappointment is easier to handle then success 
And pain is more acceptable then love 
Now keep wondering why I can't fix my life 
When the only things I can count on happening 
Is everything in this world that would bring down the strongest person 
Tell me to move forward and remember you kept  me down so long I forgot how to walk
And then explain to my friends why I Flinch away from everyone’s hands 
So how can I be better dad, when you taught me to run and hide?
I wish I could fix myself I've even prayed that one day everything would be ok
But if you and your life for me taught me anything 
It's don't hope and don't dream It's better to just pretend 
And wait until this life ends


Details | ABC | |

AM ENSLAVED BY LIQUOR

       AM ENSLAVED BY LIQUOR
The bottle had become my friend and companion
When the sun rises I stroll to my favorite drinking salon
Leaving my wife and children in bed to quench my thirst 
And spend my monthly salary on my best hobby drinking
Till when i feel that I have bought all the patrons a drink


My children are better sitted at home
Than wasting money educating them
My boys are better at rearing my herd of goats and cows
While the girls can assist their mother in cooking and doing home chores
While I their father can drink and do my usual routine; drinking
I

I abscond from duty because I can’t miss to drink
My work mates remind me to resume work but that’s is none of my concern 
As long as I serve my precious master the “bottle”
If am not the one to leave last the drinking joint last am not faithful
So I make sure I leave last 

Now am sitted all alone at my veranda wasted
Having become a laughing stock by my village mates
I had turned into a greedy father and bread winner
I failed to provide for my family needs
I gave up on educating my children
My wife had to endure regular beatings and insults from me
All this I did under the influence of alcohol
Not knowing that my family was being ruined.










Details | ABC | |

One Last Time

 It's hard for me to explain,
how I feel,
these emotions I'm having,
or how to deal,
I can't get over,
what's going on,
and I don't want to believe,
that your really gone,
I keep wishing to see you,
for one last time,
you were so wonderful, caring,
and in your prime,
I would tell you,
"I LOVE YOU", and I need you so,
and that I never, ever,
want you to go.


Details | ABC | |

Who am I

  
I look at my friends,
they look,
Away.

I talk to my friends,
they turn,
Away.

I walk up to my friends,
they take a step,
Away.

This is all because of me...

Because I do exactly the same...



To myself

I look at myself,
I look...
Away.

I talk to myself,
I turn...
Away.

I take a walk,
A step...
Away,

From life.

You get treated the way you treat yourself


 


Details | ABC | |

Part I-THE ESCAPE OF A ROOSTER NAMED HARBOR

A handsome rooster with red-breasted feathers, soft and lustrous,
and a head covered with golden plumage,
was too unhappy to sing about his age,
so he embarked on a long journey, sadly departing from his friends.  


Thousands of miles over farms, vallies, villages and cities he flew,
seeking with all his strength an urban, bustling place...
to terminate that monotony, which made him too blue
and disunite himself from an ordinary life which implied bondage.


And roaring over majestic mountains, rolling hills and cities with skyscrapers,
he encountered suspicious and envious eagles that
challenged him with their vicious shrills, but he displayed no apparent rage...
still diving into luminous and transparent clouds.  


The unhappy roosted had not rested for three long days,
and exhausted of flying, he decided to take a brief break by a bubbling stream;
his dry,wind-whipped eyes started to roll and he fell asleep...
and trancing and tossing, he rolled downhill into an harbor of sailing ships.


The well-rested rooster woke up around noon, finding himself in the lap
of a gorgeous boy and he was telling his mom kndly,
" I want this rooster, he can keep the lonesome and quite parrot  company."
And she replied, "It's a not a pet, my son!" she explained.


Mothers always try to please their kids, and sometimes spoil them,
not according to their customs and bekiefs...fathers are much stricter than them.
"I'll take care of him and I'll feed him, and soon he'll be living on our ranch home."
"From now on, his name will be Harbor: the lovely place where I found him."


The gentle boy kept his promise and Harbor became family,
and the untalkative parrot tought that Harbor to say the same and exact words he said,
and as days went by, nobody knew how he could utter them humanly;
and how did they find out that Harbor was smater than any other rooster or even bird?


They actually heard them in a challenging conversation who could find a perfect mate
in the shortest time and the shrewd parrot would surely be a winner,
but to his surprise, Harbor, with his accumulated widdsom, sought in a nearby, sunny farm,
where chickens were raised and transported on an old air conditioner freighter.


Harbor looked around, and he didn't seem to like any chicks he saw;
was he about to give up on his search? Suddenly not! He trotted past the noisy barn,
and to his bewilderment, he spotted a beautiful chick on the grass below...
and gallantly accosted her, and with a chat, he started a romantic affair by keeping her warm.


Details | ABC | |

Sometimes I Feel

Sometimes I feel neglected;
When somebody cares not for me,
Feelings feel crushed and shattered
Seas of sorrows overflow in me!!!!

Sometimes I feel frustrated:
When smiling leaves of my life 
Are plucked by the cruel siren,
Trees of joy bemoan in me!!

Sometimes I feel devastated;
The flood of tears tears the heart
Swaying away the remains of life,
Veins, dying and dried, course in me! 

Sometimes I feel suffocated;
When the wind with long nails
Caress my breathing life,
Sobbing soul cries out in me!

Sometimes I feel trapped; 
In the imbroglio of mysterious romance
That leads me from one heart to another
In search of soothing shelter!

Sometimes I feel dejected 
When rejected by the dear one
I have had in my heart since long
Blood of love has sunk in me!!!

Sometimes I feel elated
When all the sorrows engulfing me
Pave the way for panted feelings 
Seeds of thoughts sprout in me!

Bhaskaranand Jha Bhaskar


Details | ABC | |

names

everyone  has  one.they   can  be  old  names.they can  be  different  names.they  
can  be  celebrity names.they can be  silly  names!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Details | ABC | |

Family Friend

You were supposed to be good
You walked right out from the hood
You hopped into my life
You held the knife
I was strong enough to fight
I didn't want this life
You shot me through the heart
You were smart
I live with this everyday
I'll never be okay


Details | ABC | |

Time

Time keeps going, the world turns too,
With life, death, choices we make or even what we do.
What's the point of  life and death?
When all we feel is regret.
Repopulate the world with idiots,
make dumb choices and fill life with IGNORANCE.
It matters not what we do or say,
only to the very flawed humans, that bring us up and teach us this "way."
Life has it's occasional joyous moments,
but all that matters, I guess, is dumbass comments.
We live, we breathe, we die,
in the end it's apart of life.
Whether or not we live or die young,
why must we try to end it before our time is up?
What's the point of  life and death?
When all we feel is regret.
Repopulate the world with idiots,
make dumb choices and fill life with IGNORANCE.
Time keeps going, the world turns too,
With life, death, choices we make or even what we do.


Details | ABC | |

amends

Salty tears and razor blades
 The pain drips slowly from my skin
 Physical pain sets in, emotional pain subsides
 Then begins again
 When the pain builds inside 
I want to escape 
I want to run
 I want to hide
 I can’t hide from myself 
I do this to cope
 When I’m down low laying broken on the floor
 Left with no hope
 In the moment I want to fade the hurt
 I slash my pride 
Demean my worth
 See myself through your eyes
 It’s your distorted perception of me
 False esteem, iniquitous lies
 It’s not easy living in an unhealthy mind
 Wrapped in a warped sick self 
I start to unwind
 A bawled up knot 
Frayed at the ends
 Then I realize when I hurt my self
 Its to my loved ones I must make amends


Details | ABC | |

the anchor

when someone says you need to forgive someone for something
that does not mean you are saying what they did was okay
when they tell you to just let it go,unhook the anchor...
they mean for you,not for them,see a better day
you are giving someone power,when you let them affect your life to that extent
so forgive someone for YOUR own sake,actually DOES make sense
you hear alot of cliche' things,especially growing up like i did
but at the end of the day,i refuse to let them be that big
the creepy man that scarred you for life,or maybe an abusive husband
the girl that plays mindgames with the good man that's in love with her
that mother who let the stepfather abuse you cause' she "loved him"
or the father that drank and said nothing but "okay" and "sure"
no matter what your situation,you must forgive them promptly
you must forgive them for you,not for them,this doesn't mean it wont be rocky
it's hard to forgive, but its even harder to forget
but if you hold onto these grudges you will regret
you will become a bitter human being,with tons of exhausting baggage
thinking about these things and re-feeling them will run you ragged
trust me,i've lived it
im trying to fix it
im not perfect,im only human
but im trying at least,to remove it
let it go.
unhook the anchor.
let it go.
unhook it from your ankle.


Details | ABC | |

Someone behind the door

There is someone that knocks on my door every night,
when the darkness and the cold freeze my soul.
He does not say anything, just gives me his hug.
I try to see into his eyes but the weariness closes my eyes and my dreams 
chase him away. 

I will try many years to make him friend,
but he is my greatest Fear...


Copyright Constantinos Grigoriadis © All rights reserved


Details | ABC | |

Empty

i sit here and stare at the screen...
feeling like lifes just a dream.....
when i fall asleep at night....
will i awake in morning light....
or will i awake in a deep dark space.....
my body feels empty....
i dont know where to turn...
i dont know where to run...
this nightmare is no fun...
please help me see...
the light and harmony...
help me escape this empty space....


Details | ABC | |

Bipolar From A to Z

Angered by the smallest things
Bipolar disorder is my king
Conveying thoughts, hard to do
Distratctions overwhelm; I'm subdued
Energy level at an all time low
Frustration beyond reason is my foe
Going places; standing idle fast
Hanging onto, "normal" visions of past
Imminent danger, doesn't seem real
Justifying my reasons; unable to feel
Kidnapped my soul, without a fee
Learning to cope and trust only me
Manic depression, or so they say
Negotiating terms of a mindset betray
Oppressed memories, trailing behind
Paralyzing thoughts, not hard to find
Quaintly waiting for me to confess
Raging temper at its very best
Selective my hearing, taking my soul
Tearful manipulation is my goal
Unconventional ideals; lies I must bare
Venomously I have waited, for my share
Wishfully longing for your return
X-rays show a mental psychosis learned
Yesterday's genious, today's broken plea
Zanily awaiting for my turn to be FREE


Details | ABC | |

alone

 feel like I wanna die 
I hurt so bad inside I cannot cry
       Therefor I'll never be okay
because this pain I feel will never go away
           I've cried so much I can't nomore
I'm now forever broken and my heart is always sore
           I wish so hard this would of never happened to me
Now it's so hecktick in the future I don't know where I will be
          I can't live on my own
Peoplw are always around me but yet I feel all alone


Details | ABC | |

Bruises

As I look in his eyes I see the anger building up. When I see him angry I know to 
stay clear of him or I will end up hurt. He beats me when he is angry. I cry and cry, 
for I can't stop thinking of what will happen next. I'm too scared to leave him for he 
may find me again. Several times he has told me to get out and every time I try, 
he attacks me. I don't understand what I am doing wrong. Leaving bruises upon 
my body, expecting me to figure out how to hide them from his family. Scars, from 
him cover my arms. Sometimes I wonder if he even cares that I am pregnant with 
his child. The way he treats me as if I am nothing and then other times he wants 
to know my every move. Controlling what I wear, say, eat, and do as if I am a dog. 
I pray that I can find a way out. Thankfully that prayer has been answered.


Details | ABC | |

Did i mention she's green?

Green girl
Green girl

She gathers leaves on a blue and green night
Her emerald eyes make me ignite

Dream catchers gather on her wall
She makes stars none shall fall

Green girl
Green girl

Light candles, red hair reminds me of autumn
Fire red forest she will come

Dream catchers gather on her wall
She makes stars none shall fall

Green girl
Green girl

Change like the seasons
For unknown reasons
Nothing left to give
Baby I would relive

Green girl
Green girl


Details | ABC | |

Never Forget The Pain

Never forget the pain..that pushed you to the limits 
Without remembrance there is re occurrence 
So don't look at your past as a liability...but only as a capability 
To succeed upon your failures 
Recognizing the things that were once traumatizing 
In a life of discrimination.....The truth is 
Your past is its own demonstration 
It's astonishing that a bad past can be considered an accomplishment 
but never a compliment...because that would be contradictory 
To the fact that it was bad 
Which is being upheld as catastrophic.. 
Considering your past is now psycho logic 
Which means it only exists in your subconscious 
Therefore your past is not constant..but a reminder of the uncontent 
Allowing you to see the mistakes you must not recommit 
Because your future is PERMANENT


Details | ABC | |

A Messy Waste of Good Intentions

All you want is to feel something
Rid yourself of the plummeting detachment
To experience sunlight
Or rain, or hope
Instead you see grey

Searching for a way 
To take away the pain
It starts out as a whisper
You ignore the ghastly deed
Suddenly you are caught in the hurricane

You slice it deep
You cut it hard
The relief you wanted
The release of red helps the freedom along

Guilt.
It begins to consume
You feel twice as bad for twice as long
Homemade therapy has an insatiable appetite


All you wanted was to feel
But it was just a messy waste of good intentions
Now you’re stuck in a state of frenzied red


Details | ABC | |

Welcome to my nightmare

Welcome to my Nightmare

In the confines of the dungeon walls
The gentle bull eats flesh and all.
While the Griffin with its eagle fire
Would burn up those of strong desire
Who'd enter through the burning gates
Oh they would surely meet their fate.

A maiden waits in sweet devotion
Should the devil take the notion
To send folk down to her allure
She looks gentle, sweet and pure.
But look into her deep green eyes
Then you may see through her disguise.

Those Vampires wait in fearsome lust
As through those nymphs
Some folk be thrust
To have their life sucked out of them
By these ghouly Vampire men.
But there's the lady of your dreams
She's knowing just what all this means

The fires of hell they must be known
Before there's any mercy shown
Through Ghouls and nymphs
And dark, dark fear
The lady's waiting everywhere.
As you pass those fires bold and free
You'll submerge within her mystery.

Socrares Dec 8 2003.


Details | ABC | |

The Past Is Ash

The past is ash, you gotta rise like the phoenix, don’t like it call your mama and ask for a Kleenex. The time is long past due to stop thinkin’ and start doin’, start rootin’ for the man inside and stop all the internal booin’. You sound like everybody else with a story, braggin’ about past glory. What about today? Tomorrow will be today again, are you gonna be your worst enemy or be your best friend? Nobody believes you, you don’t even believe yourself, you need to take that bull*****and put in on the shelf. You can only judge and fix yourself, work on that person, no one else. You need to man up and fill your cup with the nectar that life has to offer. You want to win and be stronger, not lose and be softer. You want the fruit of your labor, to love yourself and your neighbor, to love the fan and the hater, to love what you got cuz you got it and you took it and made it cuz there was no tomorrow or later, only back then, back when, back in the day suffering every which way with your back against the wall that you made with your sorrow and your rage. Do what you do and stop being blue, you need a new blueprint printed out and co-signed by the future you, your future self, the architect and the tenant. You know what you got? A new start and a new shot. A chance to stop being a robot. A new lease on life with no lease payments and at the very least, no leash to stop you from running free in a new lot. Now it’s just you, yourself and the pie in the sky. Become the apple of your own eye, the catcher of your own rye, the ink in your own dye, the voice that will question your feelings inside and shine brightly upon all the lies in your mind. Create your future fate before time flies by and history says it’s too late, these words are your bond and your mind is a clean slate. Carve them out and breathe in each letter, fake it till you’re feeling better. Those who wronged you don’t exist, they are not your enemy, burn that list, of people you think owe you something...no one does, except one person, the hardest to find, and while you’ve been dying and losing your mind, and stressing and flexing on struggle and strife, he was right there in the mirror the whole damn time.


Details | ABC | |

Cigarrette

I was only but a cigarette to you; 
didn't matter why or when you needed me
because I was always there, waiting.
Used for a bit or less until you were done
with me, and when you were done, 
I allowed you to throw me aside as if 
I meant nothing.


Details | ABC | |

The Fog

Into the steam filled abyss I found myself sitting upon a rock, lost, confused, hopeless. 
The light of a lark opened my eyes; the shadow of the devil closed them. 
My vision became faded and my mind was jaded, 
I was lost in the thoughts of an assassin and pushed into the actions of a suicidal animal. The rope clinched to my neck lets go ever so softly but when I slip it tightens 
Before I know it I am lost in the abyss of my own insanity and cannot find my way back to reality. 
Sometimes I forget who I am; sometimes I forget what good I’ve done. 
The fog takes over my very movements, thoughts, and actions. 
The laziness that unfolds upon me is like a quilt of guilt.
 Sweat, tears, and blood are stitched into the embroidery of this quilt. 
I try to open my eyes but they remain closed.
I am blind to the truth but to the fallacies I can see.  
I just wish to give my soul like a Faustian bargain 
just...to feel completely whole again. Sadly...I know that I will never find.
I try to open my eyes again and I am alive, but falling into the depths of hell. 
The Egyptians encrypted my soul with this spell. 
The evil curse that will scar my skin with pain and have me walk as if I have survived the bloody gallows. 
My head hangs low and creates a correlation with my eye lids. 
The tears are hard to see in the rain, but the pain leaves a permanent stain.
 I am alive, but isnt living as bad as dying. 
The thought of the unknown lingers upon me like a mosquito
My love for you dwells forever as if it were a scar.


Details | ABC | |

Pain

My love for him is true, and yet he treats me cruel. 
I’ve cried too many tears, I’ve worried for many years. 
He said he really cared; my hopes and dreams I shared. 
My heart now did he crush, his heart I never touched. 


Details | ABC | |

killed by my memories

killed by my memories

my thoughts, my mind
so ****ed up so twisted inside
they are killing me, ripping me apart
flesh from bone, rippng my very skin from my body
my mind never sleeps, forever tormenting me
drowning me, torturing my soul.
You haunt my dreams, haunt my nightmares
haunt my thoughts, haunt my ****ing soul
give me peace, let me rest
you laid away in hiding for so long,
false sense of hope
now overwhelming sorrow besets itself upon me
I used to be so strong, so resilient
now only a mear shadow of my former self
ive been screaming for so long, screaming for help
screaming in pain on the inside.
Screaming while memories rape my mind
no soul remains, no more room left for anymore pain,
I feel nothing, nothing but anger
im a lost soul, to be forever lost.
nothing to be saved here,
long gone, killed by my memories.


Details | ABC | |

shattered

	

shattered! i am closed down. my life is slowly breaking as more pains come in. i am hurt and i am sad. i am in denial.

disappointed! i am hurting and i am crying. i cry but my tears do not matter to anybody.

life! is this all there is to it? sufferings, pains and agonies? i am done for it. fed up! i have lost the fire to see tomorrow. that fire which ignites hope. oh! did i just mention hope?

hope! just what i need. wait! i have hope. i just dont have it with me or in me. hope is that which revives and it is just what am missing... a revival. i so much want to hope. ok, now i am hoping to have hope. does that mean that i already have hope? is it that am not just believing? well, then help me believe. i so much want to believe. i feel so alone and let don.

deserted! unwanted and hated! those words are ever in my mind. they echo in my dreams and in my sleep. they haunt me. the air i breathe is that of resentment and rejection. all i know about myself is that i am filthy.

yes! filthy. but not literally. stupid is the word she used. how could i not have seen it coming? am i really dumb as the other one put it?

stuck! i dont have the answer to that. ignorant he is, am sure you are telling yourself. i am slowly letting go. the people that matter to me most, the closest and the trusted have made me become this shallow person. my self esteem is dead and none of them care for it. i am a burden to most of them and you know yourselves. some have told me off. some have shown it and some of you are just about to.

why? i ask myself. what have i really done? yes! i know. i falter alot but do you have to hate me with all that is in you? i cry when i sit to think of my life, my friends, my family, my loved ones and what they all do to me. is there anything i can do to atleast feel a bit of your love? even just for a day?

i wonder! why am i still living? why am i still alive in this world where no one even wants to hear my name? letting go. but wait! maybe there is hope. all i can do is hope. and i wish!

i wish mum was still around. she's the only person that ever genuinely loved me. i hurt her, i insulted her, i disrespected her but yet she loved me even more. she taught me how to love and i loved. what did i get in return? hatred, resentment and all that i get from most of you.. why?

God! look upon me. show me your love and mercy. make me believe and give me the fire to hope.

i have one mind.


Details | ABC | |

If only you knew

I can't stay sober this pain in my chest keeps going on I've done you right you've done me wrong it you took me for granted but that’s why they made drugs right? I'm tired of feeling this way it hurts everything I do it’s not right you fuss an cuss at me like its my fault your the one that lied i quit holding back its time for me to take a stand but i end up right back down in pain so I’m done with this.


Details | ABC | |

The addiction

Addiction is a curse but not from god 
It plays role of havoc to the body 
And empties their wallets! 
It is a strong disease that no doctor or shrink can cure it 
With will power that goes weakend,and your mind goes out of control! 
Once your addicted to any vice your choices are very limited it becomes 

Between the day and night that inner ugly monster takes over 
Destroy that ability to respond or fight it 

It's possible to regain the control of the body thru mind and the soul 
And only a prescription is a strong conviction 
Addiction is just another curse that leaves you poor 

By Brian Otoole


Details | ABC | |

Loneliness

There are times I feel alone,
Like drifting in space with out a home.
The light of others shines so bright,
I can not reach them try as I might.
I've drifted for so many years,
And have shed so many tears,
The loneliness is tearing me apart,
I feel it deep within my heart.
So much pain you see,
It causes me much misery.
All I want is some one to hold,
And help me feel not so cold.
To mend my heart from all these feelings,
And make it stop all its wreathing.
To make things all be right,
I hope one day with all my might.


Details | ABC | |

I give up

Today i give up 
all my worries all my desires
i give up on woman that loves me for who i am
i give up on long walks in the park 
i give up on love between two cuddling in the dark

i give up on my dreams and goals
i give in to the sinking feeling of the hole
i give up my aspirations 
maybe my unborn will be gratefull

that his dad is not a failure
i give up on achieving i give up on believing
i am defeated by my dread

i am defeated in my head


Details | ABC | |

one more thing

one more thing before i die
i wanna take back every lie 
i wanna leave something to be missed
and not just what i wished
so before i see the grim reaper 
ill express my self a little deeper
show the world what it was like to be me 
show u throw only what i could see 
i loved everyone so much
but not enough to be touched
i will regret leaving all of u 
but i know i will be forgotten soon
so nut much pain will stand in ur way 
of forgetting me and  moving on with your day .


Details | ABC | |

A Curse

Brought out of the dark by a terrible soul, only to be put back by the demon that said all was well. Said to be once a great mind, but lived through a trouble so great only one fell hard. And so the troubles went their ways and layered the society to their graves. Til light shines through Heaven's golden windows, thy who says these words comes shall come home once again.


Details | ABC | |

Outpsy

An outsider won't stride like he owns the place, 
he's an open book with a hardened face, 
pure and true but stuck like glue on the shoe of the new review..clutches at straws and remains a mute, what's there to do? 
He's been given the boot, he's the colostomy bag, that is his duty, 
he's hopin' they'll start eating somethin healthy n fruity 
To relieve his position and grant him access to beauty


Details | ABC | |

red, white, and blue

the stars and stripes the field of blue
gays and rights are kept to use 
in military and the government
this is better than drugs used 
to say why a government likes the gays
the bloods are tainted just as the flags 
so if on the battlefield why not use 
pink for body bags this aids infected 
thinking of this type a gross negligence
of thought is your presidents bought
strange to perfer a disease to spread 
than the honors of men who bled
for lives to shed on a transfer of blood
seems like a bunch of crud
this mental government on a self destruct
spit on us the drug using bunch
for this choice to keep in america weep
the fields of honor shamed by this 
you want such bleed your gays out
turn it to powder cost it to rains
and watch its shows pink its power
to aids infect the world at least 
then all hope is not at loss 
the fixer!!!


Details | ABC | |

well just that

nomatter how i try i always get knocked back down for i am at the point of no return one must try to climb again its as if i am afrid of heights even as a bird with wings this ever lasting day of pain comes each morning the sunrise for it brings new light nomatter what the day will this be the day to shine for the man with working hands the skills to make things right again yet i hear a voice thats calling thy to go to the otherside if i give in to the calling if its not me who does it will be somebody else instead thats four a week in the green emerald isle who take away their own breath the stress and pain of it all in hands that can fix well just that .


Details | ABC | |

Can I

Can I escape this deep dark hole...
 Can I let  go of a past so bold...
 Can I erase the pain, and all of the shame...
Can I feel emotion again...
Can I forgive the people who hurt me...
The people who made me feel so alone and scared...
Can I break down the wall of steel...
That i've built around my heart, to  keep people out...
I wish I knew the answer...
And I can have doubts...
But life must get better...


Details | ABC | |

Here I sit in a prison

Here I sit in a prison,
boxed in with the rest of them,
slowly losing my imagination.

Now I'm just a number,
no time left to slumber,
I feel like going under.

Living against my will,
it seems like an endless hill,
losing a grasp on whats real.

Longing to break free,
why do they want me to be,
something that isnt me.

Repeating mindless tasks,
I hope this doesn't last,
I really wish it would pass.

Boxed in by four walls,
wandering the same old halls,
if only they would fall.

Following the orders of those who rule,
turning into an uncreative fool,
they call it school.


Details | ABC | |

Suicide-Part 1

Sitting  here,
Feeling no fear
I have the right pill,
And enough will
Soon enough I'll sleep,
And I won't be yours to keep
I'll never again wake, 
Because you were so fake

I know very well,
I'll end up in Hell
Suicide is a sin,
But how else can I win?
Loving you hurts too much,
I can't exist without your touch
I don't want to live, 
I have nothing left to give



NOTE TO ALL MY FIRENDS:  This poem was written about two years ago,  but I just now decided to post it.  It is the first, in a series of three.  Please don't worry about me, because I'm fine.  Janice


Details | ABC | |

from the side line

I watch from  the side line as you walk for the very first time. Tears strolling down my face, 
wishing that I could be there watching you. I long to hold you in my arms and never let you 
go. It's hard knowing that someone else is raising you, when I am your birth mother. As I 
see your sweet little face with a smile so wide that I want to just pick you up and hold you 
close. I hear the word moma come out of your mouth and I ache inside. I know that I gave 
you up so that you could have a better life, but it still hurts to wake up and know that you are 
gone. I love you baby girls and I know that one day mom will be able to see the both of you. 
I watch from the side lines as the two of you grow up to be the princesses that you are. I 
long to be the one waking up with you in the middle of the night when you're sick or have 
had a bad dream. I know it just can't be though. Mom is only 18 and she needs to get her life 
together. So I watch from the side line hoping and praying that one day you will understand. 
Understand why I gave the two of you up to have a better life then I could have gave you. I 
love you Aaliyah and Kierra.


Details | ABC | |

love me and hold my hand

my heart is shapely and red
my heart is sad and depressed 
as i lay here in a molt im lost in a sea of hope
i dream of a day when my mind is at ease
where i can celebrate and laugh as i please
im lost for words i can not speak
i am so down that i cant find the words to say
my head mourns all the day 
i feel like a prisoner in my head 
held captive by the ungratefull dead
when will i be free 
when will others i will meet 
to help me get on my feet 
it seems no one cares or understand
i am a tormented man
love me and hold my hand


Details | ABC | |

perish

I'm hurt screaming and pulling my hair out
Sicken by the drought
Tears of fire
boiling as my blood turns to lava
Preying to Jesus cause only he knows what I'll do
Ran with the wrong crew
If only knew
It'll take a piece of me  with it
A block of my saneness with it
My livelihood has been invaded
My glory long faded
Gang violence underrated
I lost my friend do to mistaken identity
Because of his color he lost his dignity
No one knows what he meant to me, to us
A band aid ripped from a wound that will be forever busted
Arrested development
Suspended judgement
Caused an innocent life to perish
His life i will forever cherish


Details | ABC | |

family

they  are  very   different .you  like to  spend  time  with them.enjoy  life  with 
them.your  family  will always  be there for you.










































































































































Details | ABC | |

embrace you

feel with your heart 
think with your head 
block out with the walls 
turn off when it becomes to much
smile with your eyes 
scream out with your lungs 
cry out with your scars
punch with your words 
hug with your arms
walk with the souls of your feet
run into walls and turn around 
stand your ground 
your here for a reason
just need to find it 
good luck ?


Details | ABC | |

Constant Struggle

They say love is love and hate is hate, but what lies there in between? I constantly struggle 
to figure out where I am supposed to be. A struggle day to day to find myself and who I truly 
am. They say that everything happens for a reason, but what about molestation and rape? 
Struggling to regain the things that have been taken away from me since I was eleven. My 
self-esteem has been broken and it is a constant struggle to get back the confidence that was 
rudely taken away from me. I shouldn't have to be afraid and worry constantly. My day to 
day life has became a constant struggle to get through in life, thanks to not having any one 
who cares about me. I try to make it on my own, but it is a constant struggle and I know I 
have to stay strong.


Details | ABC | |

sudden truth

sudden truth
of love unknown
my wasted youth
i have out grown
 
old and stupid
and in my silence
pity my cupid
for i no sense…
 
for i not say
what i must speak
for i not stay
with in her cheek
 
still d’same
and never grown
a boy in stain
a man not shown

www.thinktok.blogger.com


Details | ABC | |

Stop Look and Listen

ABC
A poem that I myself must writ
Because the contest calls for it
Cautiously I grab my pen
Deciding words from end to end
Extracting words from who knows where
Feeling right, I put them there
Gosh I hope this wins for me
Happiness or perhaps top three
Ignoring all my failed poems past
Jonsing for a win at last
Kindly place this near the top
Loosing contests has to stop

ACROSTIC

Look I’m tired of loosing
On this you have my word
Objectively I write poems
So my words are heard
I’ve got to stop this loosing
No ifs or ands or buts
Give my poem a placement before I go plum nuts

ALLITERATION

Pretty Pathetic Pleading for Poetry Placement Perse
Loosing Leaves Libido Lethargic no Leeway

Mdailey	7/11/11 for Debbie Guzzi’s contest – Aye, Aye, and a Mistress


Details | ABC | |

no matter

no matter how hard i try
i can,t seem to have any luck
i keep getting knocked down
i just pick myself back up

i dont understand how others can get things their way
but no matter what is going on
or what i try to do
it never works out right
i am in the battle still but i feel like im losing the fight

i get money stolen from me 
because in everyone i trust
can,t even get a job 
everything i do is just a bust
i feel so down and broken 
just want to sit right down and sob


Details | ABC | |

love

what is love? is it real or is it not? is it just sitting on a dot? or does it just leave you to rot? it makes you get hot, do whatever she tells you, right on the spot, you do something stupid, then you get caught. but what is love, what is the meaning? whenever it happens, i feel like I'm dreaming, it seems like ill never know, I'm bleeding.


Details | ABC | |

When will my sorrow end

So why does it feel like I'm no longer breathing? constantly
fighting for the truth no longer believing lord give me a reason? everything and everyone one is deceiving I'm always giving but never receiving, like I'm all out of luck with misery I'm stuck in an hour glass of my past behind windows tears that are everlasting from pain I'm forever masking on my knees god I'm asking when will the sorrow end?? so my true happiness can began.


Details | ABC | |

The Child

Running through the rain the child trips and stumbles. While up above his head the sky ripples and rumbles. Splashing through the puddles on the concrete sidewalk, the child he runs in absolute fear.Tears mix with the rain upon his face, even as his rythemic cries reach his youthful ears. Not knowing what to do or who to ask for help, the child wanders aimlessly, watching the world around him as it melts.
Confused and terrified, the child feels that he is lost. He feels that noone loves him in this life, so depression became his boss. Slashed is his heart; his wounds refuse to heal. So he lashes out in fear; left behind is how he feels. 
Asphalt benieth his feet, the child collapses to his knees. He covers his face with his hands and sobs, " why me?" This child was lost until recently. Life had forced him to grow up fast. It had caused him to take responsibility for the actions of his past.
Desperately searching for an easy remedy, the child continuously cries out for help. 
The true identity of that child...
That child is me.


Details | ABC | |

eternal sleep

I hurt so badly
The pain is deep
I cry at night
I cant sleep
my stomachs knotted
I cant eat
my chest feels heavy
I cant breath
I feel desperation
I feel despair
I feel im slipping
No one cares
I take this blade
the cut is deep
I rest my eyes
eternal sleep


Details | ABC | |

How Do We Say Goodbye

How do we say goodbye to someone
We knew for so long
We feel the urge to visit places 
where they used to belong
We on things they used to do and say
No one not even me thought about this day
How do we say goodbye to someone
We grew up with though out the years
Someone who we shared many happy tears
How do we put it all together
How do we patch the holes in our hearts
How do we say goodbye
To our beloved one
To our ray of sun
Even though tears may run
We say In loving memory
Jacquelyn Gates goodbye for now


Details | ABC | |

different girl

She sits in lunch blushing like there is no tomorrow. She found a man who makes her smile. 
As you watch her you see the way she moves is different from before. She used to act as if 
there was someone going to get her, now she freely talks and laughs. I don’t understand has 
she awoken from her pain or is she just so happy she forgot about the way things were 
before. I sit watching from the inside out as she tosses her hair and looks down to hold the 
laughter in. She is not the same as she used to be. As you watch there are several men 
around her but she only pays attention to one of them. She tells her man that no one will 
break them apart. I wonder if as she says this she thinks of her past. Her picture of life had 
once been shattered but now it’s as if nothing wrong has ever happened to her. The world is 
like a brand new place for her to explore.


Details | ABC | |

The Road

The sky threatens rain
Almost mocking in tone
The pavement protests a little past silent
Every time my feet strike
Left right left right
I apologize to the street
For it isn’t me
It’s just gravity
If I could control it
I’d simply just float
The pavement would be at ease
The left right would cease

I can’t float nor can I fly
Banned from the mocking sky
It’s just me and the street
And the triumphant gravity

I’m walking in place
Though each step gets me further
I make no distance
No matter my pace
No matter my stride
No matter my speed
I leave behind trees
Pass houses and cars
My shoes soak up the miles
But I can’t move an inch.

What I’m walking away from
Isn’t that which can be escaped in time
So no matter how far I go
I’m at the starting line

I can walk and walk
Run and run
Until I forget what im running for

I just want to be a simile
But I’m a metaphor.


Details | ABC | |

Faith love disloyalty

Loyalty, Small and hard
I took it like buck shot
lodged in my heart

He left you for O.K. Tulsa I believe
You said he didn't know you that well
he didn't know you have smoked weed

But he knew you in a way
no other should know I had to find out
from a message on your cell phone

Since that day, I realized
 I lived a life of Sin
GOD tell me to forgive
for the bad deeds that you did

Every awakened moment 
it haunts my every thought
knowing I pushed you
into another mans arms

I raised my right hand to many times
You resulted to telling lies
We both broke our VOWS 
not long after newly Wed
I abandoned you in time of need
you laid in an others bed

Now I'm drunk as BLEEP
just trying to rhyme
not long after I awoke
from a nightmare in a cry
This reality haunts me
every moment of the day 
I'm forever in search
of things to give me strength

before ICU I saw the light to heavens door
With jittering of teeth I felt the fiery floor
All in all I wouldn't change a thing
even though you removed you diamond ring

I seek only answers, Stop trying to save face
I'm beginning to think you are pocketing an Ace of Spades
to my demise I have to summarize 
be both eft off and really goofed
I have told you my side
and in the end
All I seek is Truth


Details | ABC | |

Suicide-Part 2

How to say good-bye,
Or even should I?
Who will really care?
Not many I swear
Men are all the same,
Really, really vain
Count the pills,
Get it right
During the day or ar night?
Some will say
What a relief,
She gave us nothing but grief
My family wouldn't care,
They think I wouldn't dare
Loving you has been too hard to bear
I can't go on no more,
My heart is just too sore
Forever is too far away,
I need love now, not any day


NOTE TO ALL MY FRIENDS:  This poem was written about two years ago, but I just now decided to post it.  It is the second, in a series of three.  The third one is titled-Reminders.  Please don't worry about me, because I'm fine.  Janice


Details | ABC | |

A smile on my face

A smile on my face
But tears held back 
Inside of me
Sadness attacks. 

A happy façade
But unhappy sigh
Everyone says
Big girls don’t cry 

So I put on my smile
And hold in the tears
That’s how it’s been 
Throughout all the years


Details | ABC | |

Invisible

Clear, as the window to my soul.
Transparent, as the ones I surround myself with.
As lifeless to the world, as the stars are old.
Existance has transformed to merely a myth.

Unnoticed, as a breath failed to be taken.
Faded, like the steps it took to get this far.
Still, as the spirit that may never awaken.
Empty, as my life that has fallen apart.

Only one word, in my head, can explain.
Better than endless connotations of being dead, can say.
One word to convey better than all.
I am simply...invisible.


Details | ABC | |

since you been gone

Feeling so all alone now i dont know wat to do wen i was good before kuz i always had u im falling apart i feel the pain deep in my heart no matter how hard i try to keep it together i feel myself falling  harder n harder everyday it gets worst i feel soon im just gona burst   I cant believe im never gona see you again its hard for me to accecpt n comprehend r.i.p cholo without you i feel all alone now im riding solo i miss you alot a place in my heart u got believe me my nigga everyday in my mind ur a thought i dont know wat im gona do this is the hardest thing i ever went threw


Details | ABC | |

Lost

I'm feeling so lost right know I can't tell what's right or left north or south east or west right or wrong I sit here lost I'm my emptiness of my life and soul where did I turn wrong where did I lose my way my compass is struggling to help me find the right directing lost in the struggles of my mind never to be found people can't begin to imagine my struggle I've lived threw so many wrong turns so many times I've had to retrace my steps so many times I go to give up so many time I sit in one spot in my mind and think for days and days I wonder why this compass can't help me I wonder why the north star has misguided me I'm tired of having to start over again month after month day after day night after night it's a wonder why I haven't just given in yet and just sink into the lost abyss of the darkness called my life 


Details | ABC | |

Drunken Daze

As she lays there thinking,
she begins drinking
because loneliness is sinking
in, so she'll keep drinking.

She pauses between sips,
before the bottle touches her lips
she'll dream of his hands on her hips.
So she'll keep drinking.

The boy is a beautiful nightmare
only existent in her prayer.
He's amazing, with nothing to compare.
So she'll keep drinking.

Drifting into a state of delusion,
everything is now just an illusion.
Nothing but constant confusion.
So she'll keep drinking

Her world is now crumbling,
so she gets up, stumbling.
Her loneliness is doubling,
so she'll keep drinking.

Nothing is ever left to chance,
and given the right circumstance
she'll get a glimpse of romance.
So she'll keep drinking.

Now her body begins to sting,
and unhappiness is all the morning can bring.
And then she can't feel anything,
but she'll keep drinking.


Details | ABC | |

Tired

Have you ever felt so tired that 
you just want to run away.
Have you ever felt so tired that 
your mind just quits. Have you 
ever felt so tired you lose all 
hope. Have you ever felt so tired 
not even a rainbow can brighten up 
your day. Have you ever felt so 
tired, nothing you do seems to 
work, the morning comes and 
night falls but darkness refuse 
to leave. Have you ever knee 
down and ask God "why,why" 
me? Have you ever felt like 
crying but your eyes are as dry 
as the Sahara desert. Have you 
ever felt so tired even the word 
its self seems to need its own 
defination. Have you ever felt so 
tired of trying that, giving-up is 
your only option. Have you ever 
felt so tired of being tired. Have 
you ever wish so hard that sleep 
disappeard from your eyes and  
dream land seems to be safter 
reality. 

Mafata D.


Details | ABC | |

You Saved Me (From me)

Somehow it's like you don't exist
The stars above are missing you
You've been away for oh so long
And I'm drowning in your absence,
Just like drowning in quicksand
I can only stop the struggle
To avoid the complication
You're gone, away
You can't believe
How the fire you lit so long ago
In my soul
In my heart
Can eat me up when you're not around
We're planets apart;
So close, yet so far
And when you're roaming another world
Carefree and smiling
Unaware of the turmoil
Your absence causes
Here I lay, drowning in your memory
No-one to keep me company
But myself
So I sit, and think… and just exist
And the magic you have on me starts to fade
The beauty and meaning which you brought
To my life
Seem to die away
 Into pictures of Utopia
Abstract euphoria 
They fade into the charred night sky
Weighing heavy on my heart tonight
Like a coal ocean breeze,
Or a cave painting, of what used to be
And I start to remind myself… of myself
I see my ugliness, stripped naked
Staring into the mirror
No longer saved, rescued, hidden, covered
By your beauty… 
My pity, my shame… my agony
Bare, unclothed
 No longer lifted by your confidence, 
Your pride, your pleasure
My blasphemies, lies, my defiled soul
No longer sanctified with the purity, the faith, 
The truth you plunge me into
This is my ugly truth
- - - 
I am myself now
My old, pitiful self
I'm the monster I was running away from
Before I crashed so hard… into your arms
But it was the best crash
Fate steered me into

My hero
My savior…

Now, with no shelter
I am a pit
Of everything I used to be
There's no running away
No angel to fly me skywards
To lift me and drown me into the sun
To save me
I'm left to sink in a muted sea
The sea of tears I cry for you 
I cry when I miss you…
I never thought I would
And before I run out of air, 
I just want you to know…

You brought the meaning to my life
You colored all the black and white
Without you I'd be a careless soul
You are the one who made me whole

You saved me from me
From the killer that I was
And if I could sing, to you, my final words
I'd say this… 
You taught me the art of human passion
You taught me to love myself so deeply
And then, I'd be able to love someone else
You taught me to smile when I wanna cry
That there are no limits—
Not even the sky

Thank you

I miss you
I love you…


Details | ABC | |

Tell it

Loving!
I have never been so FULL.
Now I'm empty!
My heart strings you no longer PULL!

Hating!
So much RAGE!
Your love for me...
I used your violence to GAGE!

Hurting!
I'm BLEEDING!
Your demons have given you enough REASON to feel righteous in your TREASON! 

Praying!
On my KNEES!
Scarred arms covered with SLEEVES!

Sinning!
Good vs EVIL!
All my attempts are made FEEBLE!

Burning!
On FIRE!
All these head games! 
I have grown TIRED!

Shaking! 
So AFRAID!
I have nothing left to give!
Please stop! 
I want to LIVE!

Living!
Every breath I took for YOU!
Now I'm just existing! 
Breathing because I'm supposed TOO!

Dying!
Every moment felt like the END! 
I'm still here!
Missing my FRIEND!


Details | ABC | |

Gone

Living here without you makes it hard to breath.
I’m trying to forget what made you leave. 
I did things I regret, and I know we can’t forget.
I love you still, I swear, I know you still don’t care.
Now it’s time to go, I had to let you know. 


Details | ABC | |

Why

The nights grow shorter, and the days grow longer.
My heart beat faster but still my skin is cold. 
I can’t figure out why, I sit here and try. 
Even after time, he still made me cry. 


Details | ABC | |

i dont know

to live to die
to laugh to cry
to sob to weep 
to awake to sleep
what does this mean 
i dont know
im lost in my own atomic atmosphere
one day will i slumber no more
to awake to the brighter side of the sun
to have a life to laugh to be undone
to share it with my child my only son
i dont know


Details | ABC | |

Love and Pain

All betrayers cause deep emotions,
Fearing great heartache in jaunting knowledge,
Love may never overcome pain,
Quailing real sensitivity 
Time umbellate vessels
While X, yields zero


Details | ABC | |

Someday

Someday we'll be together again 
Maybe standing alone in a heavy rain
Oh! I believe you'll come that day
Making that moment emotional and grey

Yes someday we'll be together
Standing in some beautiful weather

Heartily waiting for that day to 
Till then no matter come what may
Heartlessly I am imagining your pain 
Day by day it's making me insane

Hope that day comes soon in our
Day when you'll accept me as your wife

Inside myself I am dying so badly
Even the hilarious moments go sadly
I wish all your pain becomes all mine
So that once again your smile can shine

I promise you I'll forget you never 
You'll live in my heart forever and ever

Never leave me alone or I'll die
And it's not like any other lie
It is only you for whom I cry 
Oh it is you for whom I can die

Please someday come back to me
Take me in your arms and say that to me
I am sure someday "we will" be together 
Will fall in your arms in some romantic weather!


Details | ABC | |

Depression

Depression sucks so bad i know,
It effects me deep to the core and bones.
'Tis abusive therefore it treats me wrong,
mine feels as deep and wide, from here to Hong Kong.
It feels as though it lasts as long, as the length of the Great Wall.
Drastically effects emotions it does, You cant help but be pissy and cry,
And for no reason at all, you just want to die.
you breakdown and fall apart,
Ripped to pieces, and belonging to the dark.
Depression sucks so bad i know,
It effects me deep to the core and bones.
Finally at peace i shall be, as i kiss my hatered and my pain goodbye,
Im at peace now that it's time to die.
So i say this with my last breath for one,
good night my love, I'll be with you forever... Even when i am gone.
So at peace i shall be as i kiss my pain and my sorrows goodbye,
I am finally at peace and it is now time for that part of me to die.


Details | ABC | |

depression

DEPRESSION is NOT a sign of weakness it is a sign that you have been trying to be strong for too long. Put this as your status if you or you know someone who has or has had depression. Most people wont, but it's mental health week and 1 in 3 of us will suffer some point in our lives. Depression is a sickness. Love someone with depression today!i want you all to know i love you all and if you dont think no one loves you just know i that do and will always


Details | ABC | |

the dream wedding story

i remember the long pink gown.
the flower's in her hair.
she had brown wavey hair.
then there was those shiney glass slippers.
her family said she looked like cinderella with  brown hair.
she thought she heard you may kiss the bride.
then she woke up and the sound she heard was just the rain outside her window.
then she laughed and said wait im already married!


Details | ABC | |

seeds

seeds that infiltrate my conscious being
seeds of distress seeds of doubt seeds of fear
im full of seeds trying to tear me down
when i am awake or asleep seeds creep
they take hold of me
negative seeds planted in my head in my heart
seeds got me feeling like its night and dark
seeds a cloud of fog a cloud of misery
how do i escape from the seeds that haunt me
seeds of sorrow seeds of selfworthlessness
will there be an end to the seeds i am facing 
as i fall upon my knees my enemy seeds
seeds that say you cant do it no body likes you 
seeds come in different forms some come as a thought others come as feelings
negative feeling that depress my soul 
why wont these seeds let go i do not water them to make them grow
i give no heed to what they say
i am starting to fight the cloudy gloomy day
one day i will be free from the seeds that haunt me


Details | ABC | |

Til Death Do us Part

'Til death do us part,
T'was my love for you i cherished.
T'was the fire in your heart,
with it i did but parish.
T'was the burning in my chest,
that spread down to my toes.
'Tis love that i do best,
that of which everyone knows.
'Til death do us part,
T'was my love for you i cherished.
You burned a hole through my heart,
when your love was all i wished.


Details | ABC | |

my pain since u been gone

 just know my pain will never go away, I miss you more & more everyday
        I wish atleast on more time i can hear ur voice or feel ur touch, I just
love & miss you so much
         It's not fair why did you have to go and leave us all behind, Damn 
my nigga I wish I could go back and press rewind we should of had so much 
more time
        Without you it's hard to smile at all ,I remember everynight waiting for 
you because you would always call
         You would say "shorty" you ready to come threw,I would say yes I'll
be outside 5 minutes later he would come get me & we would go chill everynight
that's what we'd do
           Then the next day he would bring me home in the morning around 8
sometimes 9 now he's a angel of mine 
       I remember almost everynight around 10pm he would comeover to get me 
and take me to his house across the street, Our memories I play in my head on repeat 
I'm thankful that God let us meet
             It's so hard to understand I'll never see you again I miss you so 
much my dear friend RAMON since your not here I'm all alone 
           It use to always be shorty & cholo, Now it's me,myself and I 
I'm now riding solo :(


Details | ABC | |

truth

You don’t really love me, you never truly did. You still love her, after what she did. She hurt you so deeply, so much I couldn’t heal. I left you soon enough, hurt you further still. I felt so guilty then, I cried myself to sleep. But you didn’t really love me; I’d fallen in so deep. Now nothing can I do, I finally know the truth.


Details | ABC | |

The Truth-I Know

Could it have never been real,
All love I did once feel.
When will the truth be out?
So I can no longer doubt.
I could never see his eyes,
So I'd never know his lies.
Fake my love is not,
My stomach yet is a knot.
I've never been so scared,
I want my heart to be spared.
The truth I want to know,
But all I hear is no, no, no.
I'm in a strained relationship,
Bound to sink like a great ship.
Always to be apart,
To never hear the other's heart.
If I stumble and trip,
Will I be saved by his grip?
Or will I sink like a ship,
So my heart he can rip?
Wanting to escape it all,
So I can no longer fall.
When will I have no fears,
When can I stop all tears.
This is not meant to be,
He never did love me.
All the love I did once feel,
I now know was never real.
I no longer have doubt,
The truth at last comes out.


Details | ABC | |

atomic crunch

On a cosmic voyage that stretches aross the galaxy
in search of myself looking for my whole being
twisted wrapped in a mind warp tangled by adversity
tremors take hold of me my brain no longer functions at a specific level
what can i do feel like im fighting the devil
i cant get my head clear it is useless to try
free myself is what i say then i cry
tears of imprisonment of my infirmitys
i beam back to earth but to find myself the alien 
alienated by my mind from reality and a grasp on time
informed of my well being anguish is all im seeing
in due time in due time my atomic crunch will fade away
into the dark deep space


Details | ABC | |

i know you're there

even when things are bleak
i don't forget about you
even when i'm too weak to speak
i know you do what you have to
i know you have a plan for me,i just am not filled in
i know that you will let me see,when the time it's been
i hope that i am not a dissapointment,that would break my heart
i many days wish i could go back to the begining,back to go or start
i believe in you,i know you're there
and athiests can say all they want,i don't care
i've always known,long as i recall,it's instinct,inner voice
if people choose to ignore their faith,then that's their own bad choice
just because i deal with things that i'd rather not
doesn't mean i throw out all the faith that i have got
you don't always get your way,life is not perfect
you can't always have what you want,maybe it's not worth it
i know better than anyone that it's easy to be discouraged
it's easy to feel like you're alone and lose alot of courage
i know it's hard,life,it scares me everyday,and i haven't been happy like,ever
but i know you live on in my heart,i know that now and forever.
a believer and proud.


Details | ABC | |

when you want to die

When you want to die, you have no fears, you look back on all those pointless years, and have nothing to show but your pointless tears, when you just want the world to open its ears! What’s not happening for you, does for your peers, while your father sits back and drinks the beers. Do you know what it feels like, to have people laugh in your face? When all you want to do is disappear without a trace? With no one to embrace, and people put you in your place and you’re the only one running, so you won the race, but JUST because you set the pace. Do you know why you try, when every time you fail all you do is cry? Life is nothing but a lie, wait till you dry, and you still don’t know, so you always ask why. Do you just want to fly? Leave without saying goodbye? And you know you can’t wait, for life to go by, and every other day, you hope you fry, and what is life when you just want to die? Well life isn’t what you think, it’ll punch you in the eye.


Details | ABC | |

babys first.......................................

first steps
first words
first noise
they all mean somthing special
first shoes 
first  hat
first socks
they are very special
its a baby that will soon be big and live its life but save the old things that the 
baby used because they grow up so fast that will be your only memerory of them


Details | ABC | |

dreamer

Dreamer

no dreams to be achevied
I watch as they pass
sit back too indifferent to act
no expectations no failure
no loss no shame
no goals or aspirations to name
no pain


Details | ABC | |

Focus

Find your focus
Search deep and wide
Take a breath
Understand this is your life

Live to be you
Not to be another
Love yourself
Before you love another

Focus on your goals
With whom will support you
Those that do not
Will never adore you

Let go of the past
But learn from your mistakes
Focus on your life
Focus on what is at stake


Details | ABC | |

"FADE AWAY"

Anytime you want to be right here just imagine me and all this will appear, you 
can keep this moment all your life Forever near, a Dream worth keeping.

When your feeling lost, I'll be your Star, just reach out and touch me no matter 
where you are, in a world of Precious things are disappearing over night, just 
keep my Star, inside.

I Believe we found a Dream made worth keeping for more then just a day, and 
even when the winds of change may come creeping it' still a Dream worth 
keeping, so don't let it "FADE AWAY".

Someday you might be thinking that life has passed you by, your spirit might be 
sinking with Hope in short supply, that's the reason why.

I know this Dream's worth keeping as long as it will stay, and even though you 
see the darkness that may come creeping it's still a Dream worth keeping, so 
don't let it "FADE AWAY".                                 THE END


Details | ABC | |

Mourn

Your eyes plunged into my heart, I see nothing but sweet memory.
digging out imperfections I hate.
You point,
I dig.
Bowed onto your feet, craving perfection for my love.
I shall not stroke thy hair,
I shall not stroke thy lips with the fingertips of mine.
Blood curdling cries I hear,
What's wrong?
Why?
Given up and startled of what may come,
Used.
Mourn my all into this pool of 
mistaken misery. 
Let me go,
Let me go,
I'm half way faded.


Details | ABC | |

MIndset

Mindset

I cry till there's nothing left
My future is blinded by pain
Self-Control is my Sword
I have nothing to gain

This is my life's marathon
And I can't seem to race. I'm eating all my Words
Found out they have no taste

So I'm looking to find happiness
To Where I don't know. Why Is love my dark Mindset?
Hope This Depressing Feeling Dies!


Details | ABC | |

reasons

                                    what is my reason for being.......

                              is it to be your one & only ; a mother; your
                              lover; a worker; something special; someone
                             new and fresh; maid; a servent; a short order 
                             chef; your angel; to live one day at a time; all 
                             that I am and more; all of the above or perhasps
                                             something more

                                            What is my reason..........


Details | ABC | |

ended

I told you I'd take my life for you,
You didn't believe me
You left me and i took a razor blade 
in my hand
So now that your reading the last 
words i said
Just know this poem is written in 
red because you decided to not 
believe
You treated me wrong so i made it 
happen, but now how do you feel 
that its all ended because of the 
decision you made.


Details | ABC | |

depressed

I'm always depressed, my life is so messed, i cant say that I'm never stressed. my life is always pressed, this is just a test, i always wake up early but ill never get some rest. my life was never a fest, ill never be the best, i may not get honey, but I'm a bee in a nest. i live in the west, but who am i trying to impress? i don't care what you think, this is how i dress.


Details | ABC | |

True Love

Through the pain of what I know, I still believe I’m all alone. 
Even though your right beside me, the tears fall down, I’m crying. 
I know you won’t believe me, but trust me I know you’ll see,
The love I feel for you, will always be true. 


Details | ABC | |

Don't know

I don’t know what’s going on or what I did wrong.
I tell myself I don’t miss you, but I can’t deny the truth. 
I think of you every time- every time our song comes on.
And every time I hear your name, I remember nothing’s the same.
It’s starting to become clear, I don’t really need you here.
Things were better with you around, like how I felt safe and sound.
But the truth is, you’re gone now. so why don’t you take a bow;
It doesn’t matter what we’ve been through, my heart still belongs to you. 
And I don’t know what’s going on, ‘cause without you everything’s wrong. 


Details | ABC | |

Corroding Mood

Depression me, dumb
Showing low or no, signs of fun
What to do
I’ll, forget too
Calm
Feels so wrong
Clouding judgment
Trails of resent
Boy!
What joy?
A need to hide
Then sad decides
Active
For the practice
Tweaking
I’m going out, streaking 

You don’t want

To be

Around

When

My feelings fall down

Wow!

Go 

Slow 

Or you’ll let it all show


Details | ABC | |

I miss my youth

Festivals stirring me along, wild nights in youth spent. 
Never a wish for none greater, but a few more moments lent. 

Twirling amongst the crowds of night, they only fear the day.
Bright eyed Gibson girls, ignore what others say. 

Stouts and porters make a good night, a one to last me ages.   
My hand that tried to hold on to them, have long since turned the pages. 

I pray those nights could find me here, so far away from youth. 
They would not know me if they saw, now I am so long in tooth.


Details | ABC | |

choices

I chose this road,
All on my own.
So no body knows..
Or follows the path
Nor choices I've madE
I'll have stories to tell
In my own lil way..
As ones journey continues
Another ones end
That's life.
No way around it...
So it's time to
 just give In....


Details | ABC | |

SUICIDE POEM

Dear me
I miss my grandma so bad
Shes the best thing I ever had
And now she can be free	
Of all the pain
And now im stuck goin insaine
I wish I could committee suicide
Just end it all
My heart and soul has died
Im so depressed I just sit and ball
Shes indebted in my head
And I want to be dead
I want the hurt to go away 
And yes I do pray 
What do I do 
Take pills
Cut
If only I knew
Why I get the tremors and the chills
No one knows and gets how this really feels
But 
If they did they would lock me up and throw away the key
But maybe that wouldn’t be so bad for me 
I just know 
That I feel so low 
Nothing is going right 
It’s a constant fight 
A battle every minute
And I wish I was in it to win it 
They say I am strong 
Well they are wrong 
Im so not 
Its just something they are taught 
To say 
Like oh I forgot
I want to die
Yeah right 
All I do is wonder and cry 
Im losing this fight 
I might as well fry 
How long does this have to go on 
How long do I suffer
Where the **** do I belong 
And when do I start to get tougher
I love my dogs so much and my mom 
That is the only reason I stick around
I have 1 true friend and at times I think I bring him down 
With all my depression and whinning 
So when is the perfect timming 
To end this *****
I don’t know yet 
But its getting closer I can feel it 
But I will probably fail at that too again I bet 
 

I DONT FEEL SO BAD ANYMORE BUT THERE ARE STILL DAYS I DO FEEL LIKE THIS MY BIPOLAR U KNOW HOW IT IS


Details | ABC | |

never ever

its only been two days , since those words spilled out . it still hurts to think about . but i will not let your memorie be covered by evil memories . i will keep the good times alive in and close to my heart. sometimes my heart beat speeds up and my body achs.lay my head apon that pillow ,close my heavy eyes .count the seconds till water rolls down my checks.time use to fly by , but now what feels like hours is only seconds .


Details | ABC | |

miss u more and more

Eachday I miss u more & more
I get so weak i feel like dropping to the floor
    It's hard for me to comprehind that I'm never gonna see you again You were more than just my bestfriend 
    In my life you were one of the closest friends I ever had
I can't believe ur not here It's hitting me so fukn bad


Details | ABC | |

unspeakable poison

My head is foggy,
My vision is blurry,
All my thoughts,
Make me worry
I'm not seeing clearly
I don't know what's
Gotten into me.
This isn't me
I can't describe it,
It's just one of those things
You just can't explain..
So we must learn to deal
With it.
Or so they say,
This too shall pass
Yet thoughts of
What if??????
 Run through my brain..
It's driven me insane... 
The pain that stains
Leaves one standing alone 
.An nothing more


Details | ABC | |

Emptiness

                                                               
Staying here with my loneliness,
I can't withstand this emptiness,
My days are full of sadness,
My nights are full of darkness,
How can I live without you

My heart breaks, my eyes weep,
As if i have never seen any happiness,
Don't you see what's happening!!!!!!!!!!

Can't take anymore this heaviness,
Please come for sake of my loneliness
Come and fill my emptiness.......


Details | ABC | |

Tear drops

Teardrops run down,
each and every night,
and as i drown,
my life moves out of sight.

Teardrops surround me,
from wall to wall,
forming a sea,
of downfall.

Teardrops bleed out,
of my hurting heart,
I can figure out,
why I’m falling apart.

Teardrops seep through,
my soft skin,
if i could only have a re-do,
I'd re-do my sin.

Each teardrop stings,
and as i whisper good bye,
comes on the daily feelings,
of i just want to die.


Details | ABC | |

Lose To Win

Lose To Win

In your arms I once felt just so safe, so warm, and just so happy that I truly had believed that I had finally found my one and only superhero but just as I opened my eyes somehow the arms that once had made me feel just so secure are now slowly pushing me away, the eyes that showed so much promise are now full of nothing but sorrow and pain, and the once beautiful glowing warmth that surrounded my heart is now an bitter icy cold snowy reminder of what used to be.

Where did the time go, When did the season's start changing, and when did you stop loving me? I've tried holding onto what little of your heart I had left but what use is it holding onto one half if the other person already dropped and left your half? You'll never understand how deeply my love was for you, you'll never understand how many times, hours, minutes, or second I had spent thinking bout you, you'll never understand how many tears I've had spent on you.My heart is tired of waiting for you to accept me and stop playing me like as though I'm a doll. My ma taught me to never ever hold onto a love that was never even there from the very beginning and she raised an strong girl, stubborn and foolish but still strong.

The question that I'm asking is "What am I going to do now?" Well I'm going to let go of your half of the heart, pick mines back up, and continue traveling in my dark and snowy paradise where I'm all alone and my heart can heal slowly with time. Sometime you have to lose in order to win an even sweeter prize in the future.


Details | ABC | |

Hillary

Hillary


An angry woman opens her mouth
And shuts her mind to reason.
She who stays slow to anger
Is loved by more each season.

Anger snuffs the lamp of thought
And it's hard to stay serene.
Where anger rules hatred thrives
Then the world we love turns mean.

She who fans the coals of hate
Has no reason to complain.
If some hot sparks scorch her face
Her anguish is thus her pain.

Anger is a human madness
Which consumes the heart and mind.
She who rules her spirit with love
Shall be praised by all mankind.


Tom Zart








Details | ABC | |

Fresh Start

My stomachs in a naught 
I cry because I'm angry,empty, and invisible

I want a fresh start, new chapter to my life
I hate it here I want to leave

Drowning in my own pain
I want a fresh start,new chapter to my life

You're angry because I'm leaving, but I need to start feeling

I need a fresh start, new chapter in my life
No anger
No emptiness
Not invisible 

Just a fresh start


Details | ABC | |

I Am So Lost

I feel so lost... 
I just want to cry...
How can life get better...
When all its been is lies...
When I close my eyes...
I see the two of you...
 I wish I could be the person I want to be...
I dont know whats controlling me...
I dont know whats making me so afraid & so ashamed...
I feel so weak...
I just wanna die...
But when I close my eyes...
All I see our my children looking at me...
I fight the feeling...
I try and smile...
I try to hide the pain...
And not let anyone know...
My head is playing games!!


Details | ABC | |

Will Work For Moods

Can you provide mental stability?
Does this guarantee come in my contract?
Eager to begin this new position
For as long as this oath stays intact

I’m only asking for help


Details | ABC | |

abanded

When im needing love n affection all im feeling is neglection  I cant believe hes treating me so bad never felt so confused n so sad i feel like a lost depressed soul that lost everything i had i feel so stupid for believing him n trusting what he said now im broken hearted n misled over here halfdead im shaking with pain inside n out this is the worst i ever felt it feels like i have nothing at all n im not even inportant enough for him to call n he wont catch me if i fall betrayed unloved confused going crazy mentaly abused heartbroken n used So much pain n tears how could he do this to me after so many years


Details | ABC | |

A LOVE WITH NO REGRET

I look at the exit door and i 
see her, 
With the mirage of her 
shadows from afar.
I look at the past and i see 
her smile, 
A smile that lasted for a 
while.
She was once my heaven 
grace, 
Now leaving with no trace.
She was my last solution, 
But now irritate like 
pollution.
She once brought 
happiness, 
Now that happiness is lost 
in this time of darkness.
I thought she was sent 
from heaven, 
Made with all the beauties 
of heaven.
But i was so wrong of her, 
Cos she was never as 
amazing like the stars.
I once thought we would 
have a great future, 
Each time i stare at her 
picture.
I once thought that she 
could be a great wife, 
And that together we would 
have a wonderful life.
I once gave her my heart, 
When we began from the 
start.
I wonder how it all went 
wrong, 
That made us not to last 
long.
Then i realised that we 
were never meant for each 
other, 
For there is no future with 
us together.
Now she is gone for good, 
Far away from my 
neighbourhood.
I will cherish the moment 
we had, 
Those moment that weren't 
bad.
I will never forget how 
happy we were, 
That made us forget about 
our fears.
Those times that gave us 
joy and fulfillment, 
That also brought us 
contemptment.
I can look back now with no 
regret, 
That i met someone like 
you on earth.
For you thought me a 
lesson, 
That will open doors to 
more blessing.
In spite of all that 
happened you will still 
remain in my heart, 
For when you left you never 
tore it apart.
My door of friendship will 
always remain open, 
Anytime you want our love 
story book to be reopen.


Details | ABC | |

my life is in turmoil

sorrow takes hold of my heart
it will not let go
i start to panic
i lose control

i am lost in the wilderness
searching seeking a way out of this mess
confused and my head is cloudy

I am in a fog
a fog of forgetfullness
that just will not leave me alone

i keep looking to find me a home
a comfortable place for me
i am so nervous that my hands shake

my life is in turmoil like an earthquake


Details | ABC | |

Sticks and Stones

Stick's and stones may brake my bones but words will never hurt me, But love 
affairs and broken swears will leave me scared deeply.


Details | ABC | |

Haunted

There are days when I yearn
to feel the coldness of the blade
press against my skin
There are days when I yearn
to feel the redness of my shame
relieve me from my sins


Details | ABC | |

empty soul

The worse pain you can feel is the pain from your soul, it can either ignite your body into an inferno coal, or it can drop below freezing and turn you into an icicle. It's hard to explain something that's invisible, but you can feel every knife like strike to your heart like it was physical, and every little stab makes you feel more and more  miserable , and you try to make it better but the sad part is not everything is fixable..but we take it tho even tho nobody can see this internal bleeding, it becomes emotional and that internal pain will leave you weeping, sleeping pleading for deaths reaping. And when death comes it never kills you just gives you a taste forever teasing, and everyone you loved is now leaving.losing everything you ever held close, now your abusing drugs not caring if you overdose. Not carrying if you go over the edge, so you reach rock bottom and you lay in the bed,  barrel to your temple one shot bang led to the head, feeling living was to much so now you rather be dead


Details | ABC | |

Letters from the sons pt 2

Dear dad,
I'm only 14 
Diagnosed with a disease 
That was eating deep at me 
I suffer from depression 
I always cry myself to sleep
Mom tried to kill herself 
Devil let my family be 
Dear dad 
I'm only 13 
Anger out burst 
Scaring all the other teens 
Bullied in school 
I slowly went insane 
Plotted my revenge but it only 
brought more pain
Dear dad 
I'm only 12 now
My heart feels weaken
I barely see u on the weekends
You had another son 
And now what's done is done 
Back then I was number 2 so 
I'll never be number one 
Dear dad 
I'm only 11 
At times I wanna die 
I do not understand why 
Whenever I would see you
I would always run and hide 
I was truly scared of you 
They just thought that I was 
shy 
Dear dad 
Now I'm only ten 
Already I'm being judged by 
the color of my skin
The black kids call me white 
and the white kids call me 
black
Identity crisis 
Can u help
Me get on track 
Dear dad 
Now I'm only 9
When you would get to see me 
you would never spend the 
time 
U would drop
Me at a addicts house 
Where she would snort her 
lines 
Have sex with random men 
While we would play outside 
Dear dad
now I'm only 8
The babysitter is abusive 
This wasn't the first time I was 
rapped 
You would leave me with 
strangers 
To go ball or out on dates 
This the reason now and 25 I'm 
filled with all this hate 


Details | ABC | |

until death do us part

Until death do us part was a lie cause didn't one of us die.
Well to eachother we may as well be dead was it love or was it just all in the head?
You never loved me but I really loved you if you did I wouldnt feel none of this pain I go threw.


Details | ABC | |

Grounded by Mother Earth

My bewilderment warily moves 

Near the spidery trails of indecision 

Over cold shadowed peaks of unanswered query 

Pulses surge well within the valley of a spirit lost 

Where roots ever forge toward the fiery heart of Mother Earth


Details | ABC | |

this is me

	THIS IS ME!!!!
I’m weird, I like coloring my hair and wearing weird cloths.
 I always feel alone even when I’m not. Most of the time I feel sad. 
I always put on a fake smile for my family for they can see that I’m fine but really 
I’m not. I feel like no one cares... I like being alone because I could be sad and cry
 and no one would know. Some times I wish people would see how unhappy I am.
 I try to be strong but truth is I’m not I’m weak I cry a lot I just want some one to hug
 me and say every thing will be okay. The only one who knows that I’m unhappy is god. 
My family means the world to me so I put on a happy face and act strong for them.
 I really miss my mom but nothing I can do about it she will never be the same person. 
I make a lot of mistakes but I learn from them and it helps me better myself. I feel like 
I can’t be in a relationship because I always mess it up. I hope one day I could just stick 
with one person. I may not have any friends but that’s ok I rather be alone then be 
called a slut and a whore all the time from some one who’s suppose to be a friend.
 I was always that weird girl any time some one would walk past me they would say
 o it’s the weird girl again. I rather be weird then normal. I try to be happy but I just
 can’t do it. I’m always sad and always will be.
 I’m not. Most of the time I feel sad. I always put on a fake smile for my family for they
 can see that I’m fine but really I’m not. I feel like no one cares... I like being alone
 because I could be sad and cry and no one would know. Some times I wish people 
would see how unhappy I am. I try to be strong but truth is I’m not I’m weak
 I cry a lot I just want some one to hug me and say every thing will be okay. 
The only one who knows that I’m unhappy is god. My family means the world to
 me so I put on a happy face and act strong for them. I really miss my mom but nothing
 I can do about it she will never be the same person. I make a lot of mistakes but I 
learn from them and it helps me better myself. I feel like I can’t be in a relationship 
because I always mess it up. I hope one day I could just stick with one person. I may
 not have any friends but that’s ok I rather be alone then be called a slut and a whore
 all the time from some one who’s suppose to be a friend. I was always that weird girl 
any time some one would walk past me they would say o it’s the weird girl again..


Details | ABC | |

Until death do us part

Until death do us part, or so they say.
Until death do us part, was supposed to mean something - when it was declared on our wedding day. Those words, apparently were untrue.
For you left me, without a trace or even a clue.

I then found out why this was the case.
You left me, for a different face.
I found myself in disbelieve. Then again I felt a small amount of relief.
For a long time, I noticed that you were unhappy with me.
But there was a part of my soul that hoped that this would last for eternity.

What a shame, for I was fooling no one but myself.
In my case, until death do us part - has now been put into an empty shelf.
I feel betrayed, for you said you loved no one but me.
But, it seems as though that was a lie and I can now set you free.
Until death do us part....I can't deny that I hate, that those words no longer include me.

Oh how sad it is that our relationship has now come to an end.
I guess, until death do us part, has now gained another friend.


Details | ABC | |

eclipse

Johnny is a young little boy who lives for fright and fear, he lives in a cottage out in
the woods were howling is easy to hear.so one day he went up hill to try his new found
magic but it went up in flame as he is to blame for what would happen so tragic.for he
realized soon that gone was the moon that lit up the night sky, as he cried through the
night at the scary sight the bright orb was out from a high.


Details | ABC | |

long ass poem about cool

K
i BE SO TIRED
 
But I still afford cigarettes
STILL GOT A MAN
still got the roof
I keep my IT Clean

MaYBE they won't know
i need 4 shots to deal
sEE MY damn fOOl hands
i cain'T keeP EM STILL

Mama, She WORRIED
mAN, HE ON ME
sister, baby, brother
aunt like was my MOTHER

tHEY GONE

i've not talked to my dad
I'm bad
TIRED
Wish I could taKE IT BACK
IS TOmorrow ANOTHER day?
I am so sick of myself. 
Poor me. WhATEVER

NOT POOR ME, EVER
Here, standin
Lovin me

Still gotta get rid of this snake, it's bAD, IT'S GOT ME, got me....


Details | ABC | |

rhyme

im alive but i feel so dead
every word that i've said
has been the truth
i want to meet my last breath 
i want to close my eyes for the last time
so i write my last rhyme


Details | ABC | |

why do you do the things you do

Why do you hit me what did I ever do to deserve this 
Why do you do all these things to me 
I just wish I knew why you do the things you do 
I don’t deserve to be treated this way I just want to know why 
Why do you lie and cheat what did i do to deserve this from you 
Why do this to me I thought you loved me


Details | ABC | |

The Tides Are High

The tides are high, 
as I look at the river and it's banks. 
How I wish I could take my troubles, 
and toss them to the tides. 
Leaving the tides to carry them away, 
and wash the trouble that I have. 
Yet knowing that this can not be done! 
But it does leave wonder, 
as to the imagination. 
I see things floating, 
wishing that this was my troubles that I thrown in the river. 
But looking, 
just a passing floating piece of bark.


By William P. Darnell Sr.


Details | ABC | |

if you were there

if you were there i wouldn't of gotten beat up all the time 
if you were there i would probably still be home 
if you were there i wouldn't be cutting like i do 
if you were there i would of been able to talk to you i do 
i wish i knew the truth on if you do care or if you don't 
if you were there i wouldn't be into trouble 
i thought you had cared but i was wrong 
if only you were there when i needed to talk to someone 
if only you were there to help me with my problems 
were have you been these thirteen years


Details | ABC | |

Abused and Neglected

So i'm told my heart is black,
Well maybe its true so keep track,
I was neglected as a child,
They say that's why i turned out so wild,
I was called many names,
But i didn't let it get to me im still the same,
Then I got with a man,
Who liked to kick me around like an old can,
He liked to play drums on my head,
Yea you heard what i said,
Choking me every chance he got,
Didn't matter how hard i faught,
I couldn't ever keep his anger at bay,
What i do you say,
Well i would duck and hope he missed, 
Then just lay there While I got dissed,
People always say why don't u leave him,
Well he would lock me up if he knew i even talked to them,
If only you knew how it was,
Because,
Then you would see,
How hard it was to be me,
So as this come to an end,
All you women out there i know what it's like to try to fend,
Fight for life,
Over a man who beats his wife....

* Note it was not my ex husband who beat me, Was an ex before that!!!! Just wanna get that clear


Details | ABC | |

new heart

roses are red
violets are blue
i wish all love poems would come true
and everything in my word would finally come true

once upon a time
there lived a girl who married a prince
and they lived happily every after
why couldn't life be that way
when everyone had the perfect match
and thy didn't have to search everywhere
for the right guy

star bright
star night
first star i see tonight
i wish i may
iwish i might
have my wish i wish tonight
i wish my wish would come true
to stop gettinghurt
and live as if i was brand new


Details | ABC | |

Underneath

Underneath it all
was true but deadly
evil lies.

She waits as it haunts
 her
  with miserable
eyes.

She apologizes

Nothing she has done,
only stood by, waiting for fate
to cast a shadow over her life.

Breath deeply, slowly she inhales.
Her body weakens her arms give-up and die.
She falls to the ground arms out and
retires, from the last strong
battle that destroys her
inside.


Details | ABC | |

why me

why is it no body is ever there to listen to what i have to say. 
why can't anyone hear me 
i am so lonely i just wish all the pain would stop. 
god why don't you listen to what i say 
why is it i am the way i am 
is it because i have no life 
or is it just because no body cares about me anymore. 
why me why can't i just be normal like everyone else 
why am i so different from the rest 
plz just help me understand 
why me


Details | ABC | |

why did you have to go

why is it you had to go you were only 17 
why did god have to take you why couldn't he take some one else 
you were a great person everyone loved you 
why Jessica did you have to go so soon 
you were a great friend and also a great daughter 
we will always remember you forever. 
why did god have to take you why did you have to go 
we will always miss you.


Details | ABC | |

peaceful ending

her last tear falls
the blood drips 
the silent crying 
has reached it ending 
she no longer hurts 
she no longer weaps 
her last breath is so peaceful


Details | ABC | |

LONLEY

SO I AM SCARED 
TO LIVE ALONE THE REST OF MY YEARS
IF ONLY SOME ONE TRULY CARED 
AND COULD TAKE A WAY MY FEARS
MY FIANCE PAST AWAY 
IN JUNE OF 2010
I MISS AND LOVE HIM EVERY DAY 
I THINK HOW MUCH WORSE IT COULD HAVE BEEN 
FOR ME BUT I PRAY 
I DIDN’T LASPE BACK 
IVE STOPPED JUST JUMPING IN THE SACK 
WITH ANY GUY 
I WANT TO GET TO KNOW THEM 
IM AN OPEN BOOK I DON’T HAVE ANY REASON TO LIE 
ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE ME AND CONDEME 
ME OF ALL MY UNRIGHTOUSNESS AND SIN 
FOR NOW I WILL BE OKAY 
BEING ALONE IS BETTER THAN A LOT OF RELATIONSHIPS I HAVE BEEN IN 
TODAY I FEEL WILL BE A BETTER DAY 
I WRITE POEM AFTER POEM TRYING TO GET IT RIGHT 
I LOVE EMINEM AND HE INSPIRES ME 
IN THE LONG RUN I WILL BE ALRIGHT 
IM JUST DOING LAUNDRY AND WATCHING TV 
I MISS MY GRANDMA ALL THE TIME 
TALKING TO HER AT NIGHT 
IM STAYING OUT OF THE LIFE OF CRIME 
SHE WOULD BE SO PROUD THAT I AM ON THE RIGHT 
TRACK 
AND NOT ALLOW MYSELF TO GET FOOLED BY THESE GUYS THAT TRY AND SPIT LINES AND MAC
IM SMARTER THAN THAT 
I HAVE A PRETTY FACE
EVEN THOUGH I AM WAY TO FAT
BUT THAT SHOULD NOT MATTER OR BE THE CASE 
I SHOULD BE LOVED AND WANTED FOR ME 
I AM A GREAT WOMEN A HELLISH PERSON 
IM IN CONTROL AND IF U WOULD TAKE TIME TO SEE
I KNOW HOW TO HOLD A CONVERSATION AND HAVE FUN 


Details | ABC | |

I am

i wish you would understand who i am 
i am a teenager waiting for you to come to em 
i am a girl who is asking you to care 
i am your girlfriend waiting for you 
i am the one who is always sitting here crying 
i am a girl who cries her self to sleep every night 
why won't you care for me i am your daughter 
why won't you care for me i am your girlfriend


Details | ABC | |

THE ABDUCTED FUTURE

“Bring back our girls”: a silent whisper now the global anthem, 
Re-echoing the opposing bells to our corrupt system
Is this the prospect sought-after by our patriotic gem?
Nigeria! Listen to the loud tears of your future stem,
Give joy to daughter-hood; salvage them.

But wait! Bombing at first now abducting,
And our tomorrow, they take liberty in destroying:
Creeping into our streets with arsenals uninviting;
Kai! Things are falling apart swiftly, as a mountain erupting.

Oh! Once upon a time in Chibok
Unraveling the serene puzzles gazing from our books; 
Reading and playing to pass examination’s hook

Girls in tender uniforms with big dreams,
Insuring their future on the seedbed of academic teams,
Rain-date indeed! Absent from our schemes; 
Little wonder you were abducted; as in Nollywood films, 
Shai! Where is God in this scenario? It seems.


Details | ABC | |

the black dream

my head is speeding and full of bad thoughts
i cant concentrate i can only tell myself to not succeed in suicide
its to late its already started
all i hear is the moaning and groaning of people dyeing
im in over my head with all the stress
i only see black with a mirror of flames ahead
i cant put the pieces of my life together
im scared of my own mind and dont want to enter the danger zone
i cant escape the darkness no matter how hard i try
im still alive but fill like im dyeing a slow and painful death


Details | ABC | |

Pretty

I look in the mirror
I can except what I see
I'm still ok enough
but I'm older
not so pretty
I'm just barely me

I must be vain
but I have to be pretty
Don't I?
I'm kinda smart
But that's not worked for me
in the past

I swear to you
I don't know
what to do

I know your gonna hate me
my complaining
my looks are waning

I'm uncomfortble
haven't learned how to be
My brains. My opinions
ME


Details | ABC | |

Crazy, I'm Not, Crazy

Married to the pain
Hurting inside
Crazy, crazy
Prevent it, prevent it
Stop it, can't stop it
You're crazy, crazy
I'm crazy, crazy
End of the world
In front of me
Look through, look through
My eyes, these eyes
Crazy, crazy, stop this crazy
Break the cycle
Of these lies
Don't be crazy
Go crazy, this time
Stop this, disgusting
Stop it, you disgust me
Crazy, crazy all the time
You're disgusting, disgust me
Stop going crazy
Stop it, stop this, stop it
Crazy, crazy inside
No more
Just this crazy, I'm crazy this time
Stop all this, disgusting
Crazy die

Written October 13, 2005


Details | ABC | |

idneity

idenity
what does it mean?
have i lost it?
did i ever have it?
is being me,my idenity?
if it is then i want to throw it away
grab a better one
or yet
none
if im my own idenity
then i rahter have none
and if im not my own idenity
then who am i?
am i someone?
idenity
mine is gone


Details | ABC | |

SCENT WILL BE BURIED

This way it was
this way it happened
I could not run along the river.

Your face floats
like a skylamp.
Halfway rainbow was broken.

How did it happen?
I became transgenic
by the kiss of death.

This was my victory
I surrendered the cushion.
You sleep in my arms.

Again I will wander
in the graveyard
where my angel was sleeping.

This is my last letter
in the month November
Now the scent will be buried in snow. 


SATISH VERMA


Details | ABC | |

ENDING OF TIME?

The identity moves ahead
of the shadow of truth
I search for the absolute 
in vain. Can I remove the emptiness  
and talk to myself ?
The core feeling is same.
We flow in our own separateness.
I want to outlive my brethren
and eat my death alone.

Mindful I watch the kernel,
swaying tree is silent
I am here due to a fault in the genes. 
Grief is not my skull house. 
Each night I sleep with dry lips
dreaming a lake.
My pillow floats like a chopped moon.

Silence of anonymity
in  the heart of a storm.
It is a curious apparition.
The vibrations of distant whispers 
fill up the lungs, 
ripping apart the veins.
My inside blood utters 
a shrill sob.Where to go?
We cannot return back. Ending of time?



SATISH VERMA


Details | ABC | |

LEGITIMACY

No plaques?
No head stones?
He did not start the inferno.
It was a misspelt agony
in purple ruins.
Pain had no other name!

While thinking of him
I evacuated the matter,
completed the circle beyond solitude.
More I did not break the silence
worse was the grief!

Meaningless threats
had no relevance.
I recaptured the color of stars,
glory of flames,
beauty of crucial controversy.

I was repeating the legitimacy
of alphabets.
Greatness was the idea of mediocres.
Every thought had the dignity
of its own! 



SATISH VERMA


Details | ABC | |

Bryan Knight

I love you so much
from the day that we first met.
That's a memory
ill never forget.
we talked and talked 
a lot on the phone.
my thoughts of you
i was never alone.
we lived so close 
just down the street.
my love for you 
can never be beat.

you moved away 
so far from me.
i miss you so much 
as you can see.
i searched and searched 
for many years.
and when i found you
i had these fears.
i didn't know 
if you still loved me.
i didn't know
if you still cared.
i didn't know 
if you still felt the same.

in my world i'm lost.
i don't know who's to blame.
i want you back in my arms
but you say no.
i shed my many tears.
i always knew i had these fears.
we\\\'re still friends 
so things are ok,
but ill love you forever,
more and more each day.

we talk a lot now
even more than before.
my heart still aches
and its still sore.
but i still love you 
more than you'll ever know.
my feelings for you will never go.
till the day i die 
ill be hear for you.
my love for you was ever so true.

You'll be in my heart
even though were far apart.
my thoughts of our past
always makes me cry.
but to you ill never 
say good-bye.

your in my life 
but just as friends.
i think of you often
even when the day ends.
I'm so happy your hear again.
over the phone 
it'll never end.
we keep in touch
we talk ever night.
ill be here for you
even when you think i'm gone.

ill never for get you 
Bryan knight.
you were my one and only love! 

i love you now forever and always!


Details | ABC | |

Freedom of God

Since you passed away,
a hole in my heart will forever stay.
There's nothing more to ask or say,
but, Why did God take you away?
Sometimes I have to cry,
because I never got the chance to say goodbye.
Many, many days go by,
I can't help but wonder why
God let me have you for such
a short length of tiime.
Though your sister and I cried,
because we wished you were by our side.
Though we have great pride,
because of the memories of good times inside.


Details | ABC | |

Thoughts of Suicide

the weeks creep by 
i find myself obsessing
about ways i can die
i cut my arms with a razor blade
get over it this is how i was made
to dull the pain inside
i don't want to be alive
which way is the best
to prove that finally test
after the fact i'm dead
no more thoughts running through my head
thanks for joining my diely game
my soul that you never can be tamed
now i'm six feet below


Details | ABC | |

thoughts gathering

Going over my thoughts

Listening to my heart

Thinking about what to do to make it to the finish

Knowing what has to be done but scared for it to start

Looking at people laughing when thinking this isn’t fun

Darkness invading my last bits of hope

But I’m not here to sit around and mope

The sound in my voice is lost in the wind

Carrying everything needed to win

Hoping I don’t get lost up in my sin

Carried by my thoughts I move on to the end

Smiling and grinning when I hear them say congratulations.