You Might As Well Smile

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I wish I had better news. Seems my health both physically and mentally has deteriorated. Physically I have some options in terms of intervention none are very positive. Mentally my meds have been increased I hope this helps recently I'm hanging on by a thread.

Since barely anyone from my world knows I'm here I have not informed my family or anyone close to me. 

My medical prognosis is unclear. I have an aortic aneurysm which by itself is treatable. Surgery has a small failure rate 8 out of 100 die. My complication is the blockage in the arteries to my heart. Not enough oxygen making it through. Left untreated one eventually suffers Congestive Heart Failure.

The combined ailments put me at a high risk of failure when you combine my overall illnesses apart from these.

For now I have decided to not go the route of surgery. They say eventually the aneurysm bursts it is incredibly painful and there's less than a 1% chance of survival.

Having said all that it is my assumption I could still live a long life I could also pass in just months. Whatever happens I'm concentrating on my mental heath presently. My anxiety is sky high and I suffer through clusters of panic attacks daily. I hope "This too will pass"

I've lived a blessed life and I am thankful for everything I have. 

Not much of a poem I posted here today. It's my voice speaking to an imaginary woman. I am presently alone.