You

Why do I hang onto your every word? When I know I am merely the shame you play The controlled part of the wanting to be loved game! The ever changing rules, keeping me tethered close to my false hope Me the cup of empty that fills you up for a while I know you want what I want, but you want it from somebody else.... So I pick up the bread crumbs of your attention, ignoring the being ignored part The "not tonight I'm too busy" part The "You can come over later and be with me" part Then there's the clinging onto you till morning part When daylight comes you can't pretend I'm him You shower to rinse away the achy dirty feeling part, Those feelings seemed less relevant in the dark That pleasured pain that somehow tears us both apart Me the proverbial fool Taking Needing Accepting Settling on less than nothing Knowing that if he changes his mind I will vanish, disappear, evaporate like the sweat from our bodies Like the stench of our desperation So I hope your pathetic wanting will merge with my own I keep waiting and hoping Dreaming and pretending That somehow Somewhere behind those vibrant eyes you do Really want me Even though in my soul I know This is all I will ever have This not enough bit that I cling to That voice that knows one day you'll be gone Hopefully not today, for without you I fear my tomorrow Oh how I wish this heart wanted something else anything else That there was someone else other than you Why does it have to be you? Don't be concerned friends, I have the one I want! For Alfred Vassallo's "How does it feel to be Unwanted" contest.