One of Those Sad Days

I feel sad today Even though I'm not supposed to, I do Sometimes it just sneaks up and overwhelms me Fills my entire being with gloom And the tears roll slowly, unstoppable Never sobbing just rolling continuously Down my face, I can't even explain why Other than I'm tired,so tired of the battle Battling constant pain is so boring No one but those in pain understand Because its invisible unseen it's also unexplainable People get tired of listening to how badly I truly feel After a while the friends I had are gone They can't hear it anymore or somehow I think they feel it will rub off on them. So I try so hard to keep the facade Pretend I'm okay, look good when I'm out Trying to play the role of a normal person When the fear of showing my invisible pain Scares me that it will be as ugly as it feels Pretending that it doesn't hurt, that I'm not praying That it will go away so I will be whole again. I hate the pills, the shots, the visits to any doctor. It is not a life, just an existence that plagues my soul Filling it with so much guilt for forcing my child To have to live with a mother always in pain. But eventually it ends, I push through this Darkness that encapsulates me. I try to coach myself into the next move Pulling out of this cave of dreariness And I pretend that I'm okay, and I move on Constantly fighting, this cross I bear. I pray that it is all for not. I hope that someday it will stop And I can be the me I want to be Do the things I want and need to do And then people will start to Listen, and hear me again. But, for now, the tears flow Slowly healing releasing the tortured soul Cleansing it for another day when My steam kettle can hold no more Sadness. Jennifer Marie Oliver