Measure For Mum

Most women would jump at the chance, Of a night in a flash restaurant, And at one stage my wife was the same, Now it’s something that she doesn’t want, She’s quite happy to eat take-away, And sometimes she’ll go to Kentucky, Or maybe she’ll sit in at McDonalds, If she does though the kids are quite lucky. You see, she keeps on making excuses, When the kids want to go out and eat, For these days she prefers to stay home, While I take them out for their treat, She’s embarrassed I’d say to the hilt, From a night we went on the town, And took the kids out for the first time, To a restaurant of quite renown. Well my wife was extremely nervous, And reminded the kids in the car, That this place was not a McDonalds, But something that’s known as five star, She explained, “You must mind your manners. You must eat with your knife and your fork, And you must not run ‘round the tables, And be careful what you say when you talk”. So before we’d got out of the car, She’d made sure the kids knew the rules, Then reminded me she was nervous, That they might have us looking like fools, But I told her not to be foolish, When somebody stated out “Sir, Have you and your family a booking?” Then requested that we follow her. We were shown across to our table, Where we were to sit down and dine, Then the waitress asked us politely, Would we care for a bottle of wine? I ordered a ninety-eight Riesling, A preference of my wife and mine, And when our meal order was taken, The waitress came back with our wine. The children sat there in silence, While the waitress extracted the cork, They silently watched as she poured, (It’s a worry when none of them talk) But a sample that’s poured for her tasting, By jingo’s brought some lively chat, When our six year old prompted the waitress, “Mum drinks a bloody lot more than that!”