1. I wish I could touch the flesh of your heart. I’ve felt every square inch of you. I’ve kissed the crooks of your elbows and the dimples in your cheeks but I’ve never been able to just hold on to your heart. I feel like I am hanging by a string that is attached to your ventricles but I want to be molded into your blood stream. I want to be a canyon in your lungs, a valley in your femur bone. I wish I was on top of the mountain that is your spinal cord, relaying messages across your entire body. I wish I was the one telling you that I love you.
2. Every time we didn’t kiss it was electricity- shooting stars made of glass shot into my hands that told me we were only friends. And I’d take that glass and close my hands and watch the blood rain from my finger pads. I’d paint a portrait of your face with my red secretions. I’d wipe two lines underneath my eyes and get ready for the battle that was already won. It was already over between us.
3. But I will never let it be over between us. Because when you truly love somebody it doesn’t matter how many coals you have to step on to finally feel the heat of their body. It’s always worth it.
4. It wasn’t worth it. I grew calluses on my knuckles crawling in the coals for you. And you kissed me back. Just once. But then I meant nothing, as if I was some cracked out homeless woman begging for change- you walked right passed me without even filling the cup I was shaking with a sign that read “To never love, is to never live”
5. I loved you. So I guess I have lived.
Copyright © Katie Pukash