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I'M Anxious

I watch anxiety play across her face my heart lurching my insides upheaval laden somewhere in the misty consciousness it dawns she carries my heart and I weep for there's no room to keep the worry at bay "I just think...this world is too hard a place for me." I hear my own words reechoed from a younger voice a younger version of me how can it be? how can it be? I thought she had more of him than of me his calmness his laissez faire fanfare of confidence "let things happen as they will" exuberance The..."don't obsess no internal mess" productivity It's not to be.... she carries my heart, I see her voluptuous figure eaten away to a size she's always wanted but not from diet discipline or extremes of exercise not this time... "I'm anxious, Mama." What can I say? My carefully crafted confidence in her for being a stronger woman than I've ever been or could ever be is hit at the core...foundations shaken Oh...why must she be so much like me and in secret, I weep for the daughter who must keep a heart too sensitive, too weak for a world belligerent....bleak "I'm anxious.... I'm anxious, Mama" And I'm left with a week before she goes away to pull my wits about me to know what to say to fill her with strength pulling on the reserves of sanity still left to me to set her free Oh...to set her FREE and let that anxiety settle....settle...settle enshrouding not her but only... ......me Eileen Manassian

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Timothy Hicks

Date: 2/17/2016 10:55:00 PM

I slowed down with this one. Your words were so tender, and I could see how strong your love is for Shereen. A beautiful ode to your mirror image ... we see the best and the worst of us in our kids. I hope that this anxiety is only fleeting, and passes soon. May your confidence and warm wishes over-ride her distress.

Paul Callus

Date: 2/2/2016 2:58:00 PM

Dear Eileen, excuse my absence for some time...I have a lot on my plate, but do try to visit when time allows! I suppose I called in at the wrong time considering that Shereen goes back tomorrow. As a mother you can sense things; she's still young and at her age she is bound to have uncertainties and worries. What she needs is your words of assurance; be strong for the both of you. Warm regards & hugs // paul

John Fleming

Date: 1/30/2016 6:54:00 PM

A lark might live for many years protected within safe confines of a gilded cage - But let it soar out of sight and sing above summers blazing fields for just one short day...And the lark will have lived as if for a thousand years! May you find the calm that resides within every beating heart, Eileen. My warmest wishes! :) john

Richard Lamoureux

Date: 1/29/2016 12:46:00 AM

Wow Eileen, this is heart wrenching. Be thankful she possesses your strength, it will serve her well. It is good that you talk to each other, it is important that you are here for her to get through some of life's tough bits. Hugs Rick.

Richard D Seal

Date: 1/27/2016 6:39:00 PM

I think we have a case of anxiety transference, Shereen will probably go there get on with her studies, make new friends and have the time of her life and you'll become a now and again thought. Hmmm now you don't want to be parting with this feeling. Time to lay your anxieties on the table, good old heart to heart, open up with everything. You'll both feel better. Oh, great write you expressed it very well. Now go do it for real. Take care my little Desert Orchid, Richard

Eileen Manassian
Date: 1/28/2016 8:54:00 AM

Thanks for the post, Richard. It's so good to see you posted a comment. Shereen HAS been away already. She's been away for two years in Cyprus. She then did a year at home...and now she's home on a break from a semester in Hungry. There are bigger issues involved....changes I see for the first time. A mother knows....Anyway, she has her good days and bad days...but as Wednesday next approaches...I feel I'm becoming more anxious myself. It was good to have your visit, Richard. I hope you will continue to visit and post your wonderful poetry. Blessings, dear one.

White Sage

Date: 1/27/2016 9:18:00 AM

emotional write Eileen, so touching, i can feel the heart of mothers in this, such lovely mother you are, though my eyes seem to swell at this, but it makes me remember some memories....well expressed, i hope she's getting better

Eileen Manassian
Date: 1/28/2016 8:55:00 AM

Thank you, dear. Your words are very comforting. I'm sorry I haven't been around much. I have lots going on in my life at the moment. I hope to get back during the semester break after my daughter has traveled. Thank you for your continued support.

Demetrios Trifiatis

Date: 1/27/2016 7:27:00 AM

None can understand the agonizing pain of a mother's heart but a mother who loves her child as much as you, dear Eileen! Remember though that when you brought her into the world you knew the kind of problems she could face, however, you put your faith in God to forge her at will therefore WAIT for the final product to emerge before despair becomes your constant companion! SHE WILL BE FINE! God will take care of her wellbeing! A sentimental poem with profound truths!

Eileen Manassian
Date: 1/27/2016 8:33:00 AM

Thank you, my dear esteemed poet. Your words are always filled with wisdom and light. I know that she is in His care, but a mother's heart is what it is. I would gladly take all the anxiety and pain away from her if I could. Efkharisto...gia logia sou kalo.

Daniel Turner

Date: 1/27/2016 7:01:00 AM

Eileen, This is honestly one of the saddest poems I have ever read. What a strong woman you are. Well written. I'll pray, you'll both be okay.

Eileen Manassian
Date: 1/27/2016 8:40:00 AM

I'm not a strong woman, Daniel. I deal with depression and am on medication for it. It takes special effort on my part to try to be strong for my daughter. I had hoped that she would take after her father, and for the most part, she has, but she always cares for others needs above her own. In this...she has my heart. It is not easy to be so caring. Shereen is my only child...my joy and my life. Thank you for your prayers. It is appreciated.

Kp Nunez

Date: 1/27/2016 6:40:00 AM

I'm welling up, Eileen...you have powerfully expressed the fragility of a mother's heart when it's her child involved and still resolves to be strong for her. Take heart...Someone is looking out for her even when she's far away. hugs!

Eileen Manassian
Date: 1/27/2016 8:44:00 AM

It will be a difficult week ahead of me, Kim. She returns to Europe next Wednesday to continue her studies. She is a little unsettled and this unsettles me. She has become peckish. Is not eating well and has lost quite a bit of weight. I fear anything...more serious. Thank you for your love. Keep her in your prayers. She is my light and joy. Hugs, dear.

Viv Wigley

Date: 1/27/2016 4:24:00 AM

You have immense power, Eileen, since you are a woman and a mother, and I'm sure that you'll use everything in your emotional,intuitive, gutsy, ballsy, sensitive arsenal to help her come out the other side shining. I have every faith in you. Powerful write, too, deeply moving. Viv x

Eileen Manassian
Date: 1/27/2016 8:49:00 AM

I would give my life for her, Viv. She has had to study abroad for some two years...first in Cyprus and now in Hungry. The major she wants is not offered here. It has been hard on her...and on us. She is an only child, and we dote on her. I have not seen her this....unsettled for some time. It pains me. I try not to show her my concerns, but....it's hard. I don't want her to worry more about me than she does. Thanks for the care. I have been absent from soup for some time due to some of these issues. I hope to be able to catch up during semester break. Bless you for your kind words. Thank you....

Tim Smith

Date: 1/27/2016 3:51:00 AM

She is blessed to have your heart Eileen. Just remember she is only a phone call away. One of your best writes. I can really feel every word. To my faves.

Eileen Manassian
Date: 1/27/2016 8:52:00 AM

It was a hard one to write, Tim. My daughter's well being is dear to my heart. If I know she is well and happy....I can bear almost anything....even death. I only want her to be happy. I've often prayed to God and said..."All I ask...is that you save her into your kingdom." Thanks for your kind words, Tim. Bless you.

Anne-Lise Andresen

Date: 1/27/2016 3:50:00 AM

- Oh dear Eileen, a poem that gives me a lump in my throat - Heartbreaking ..... - hugs & <3 // Anne-Lise :)

Eileen Manassian
Date: 1/27/2016 8:53:00 AM

Thank you, Sunshine. I'm a little sad of late. Keep me in your prayers. Sending hugs. I will visit when I can.