I'Ll Never Understand Humans

I’ll Never Understand Humans Hi, My name is Lady, and I live a dogs life, yes I’m a lazy mutt, but, before you go getting the wrong idea, I’m integral in the well being of family. My main interests are feeding time, walkies,sniffing dog poo, feeding time, rolling in dog poo and feeding time,believe me, I earn my living here. I’m the family entertainer, the kids dress me in silly clothes, yes I know, humiliating, but I enjoy the happiness and laughter it brings them, I do my party pieces for visitors, the begging with the outstretched paw, the standing on the hind legs and hopping, the rolling over, I don’tmind the rolling over, I just imagine I’m rolling in dog poo,and I’m no fool, I expect reward for my efforts, I call that tidbits feeding time. Then I just laze and wait for my master to come home, pah, how that sticks in the throat, but I play the part with a big welcome, ass wobble, tail waggle, bounce about, he seems toappreciate all this, maybe coz nobody else bothers lol. Soon I know it will be feeding time and walkies and more dog poo sniffing, well, it’s nice to know who’s been about. Hey get this, when I do a poo he picks it up, I could understand if he rolled in it, but picking it up, what’s that all about? He’s not always been happy with me though, the time he gave me that lovely warm blanket when I was a pup, and I ate it, and the big fight I had with that horrid black dog up the street, he only saw the end of that encounter, he missed the part where the brute tried to rape me, it was self defence I tells yer. He’d have witnessed the whole incident if he hadn’t been chatting to that blonde bint with the obedient German Shepherd, you know the sort, sits there close to his mistress looking all haughty and dignified, while I’m sniffing her bottom, never did care for that dog, or his poo come to that. The best though, was that holiday in Essex, when he insisted on taking me on this humongous walk in the footsteps of John Constable, talk about booooring, till on our way back we crossed a field that had just been slurried, ooooh I smelled so gorgeous, I was in doggie heaven, he was somewhere between mad and a funny vivid colour, but we got over it. Sometimes I look into those big sad eyes of his and wonder just what’s going on in there. Guess what though; for all his faults, I don’t think anybody loves him more than I do. Oooo, someone is opening a candy bar, tidbits feeding time. See yer ………