If I Were Stronger

If I were stronger I’d say a permanent goodbye To life To strife To misery To pain Ah…..the pain No, it’s too hard Too damn hard Too hard Damn Damn Hard They tell me to be grateful For all that I have And I am I am But they don’t see They don’t hear The voice inside That torments me The demon of my failures That accuses me I’m not good enough I was never good enough For the world For myself For you Perfectionist’s nightmare Striving for the ideal But all I see Are broken people Cracked hearts Baggage not willing to be let off At any station Because though it is so heavy to carry It's familiar It offers "security" No, life is too hard Pills help Friends help Family help God helps But what is the use When I tear down With my own hands I tear down Walls of comfort Of love I bleed I grieve For the woman I used to be The woman with dreams Ideals Walking along the rosy pathways Of life Not seeing the thorns Believing Always believing That true love Will win the day There is no TRUE love I challenge you Find me the source Tell me where it abides Where it hides Tell me IF you know If you can honestly say Your heart has never been torn If you can look me in the eye And say you have never lied You have never strayed Never betrayed With your heart Your words Someone who loved you To distraction And beyond Forgive me…. It’s nighttime I’m weak I wait for the dawn to come When I can swallow the pill That brings me happiness Makes the world that rosy place Where I can again dance And smile And yet I know in my heart It’s not really me There is a me no one sees The woman behind the face In a lonely place Longing... To say goodbye Eileen Manassian Ghali