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I'd Rather Freeze!

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Below is the poem entitled I'd Rather Freeze! which was written by poet John Heck. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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I'd Rather Freeze!

I'm on this blind date.

(Baby, it's cold outside).

This date AIN'T so great!

(Baby, it's cold outside).

I'd rather be home...
and  watch  paint  dry!

It takes me five hours to get ready!
My Dior dress looks sexy and chic!
This half-wit is dressed in a teddy -
my best friend set me up with a freak!

We sit down to eat.

(Baby, you look so fine).

His breath smells like feet!

(Wishing that you were mine).

If I pass some gas -
will  this  jerk  leave?

His manners and looks are atrocious -
and broccoli is caught in his tooth!
I'm sorry if I sound precocious:
but he makes a wild warthog seem couth!

I've got to get home.

(Baby, it's cold out there).

HER: (thinking)
You short, KNOCK-KNEED gnome!

(Oh, the scent of your hair...).

I really do think...
this  night  is  done!

You may be a nice beast for someone?
But I'm not the Shrek-ess whom you seek.
My "best friend" will surely adore you -
and entertain you into next week!

Baby, it's cold outside!

Sung to the tune of: Baby, it's cold outside!

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  1. Date: 12/29/2008 3:11:00 PM
    hahhaa I loved this!! Had me chuckling all through it! I love the original so I was singing this one in my head to the same tune, LOL! Great writing and thanks so much for the kind congrats you left on "My Little Girl." God bless and have a great new year! :) Amy

  1. Date: 12/18/2008 9:27:00 PM
    That's a nice, funny write John...It brings smooth pleasure to the reader...Thanks for sharing..Always, Farah

  1. Date: 12/7/2008 8:34:00 PM
    I enjoyed the ending. It really brought the understanding between the reader and the author together nicely.

  1. Date: 12/7/2008 3:41:00 PM
    I remember this tune well, John, from my high school days. ZAPP! I'm dated, how about you? Super write, as usual. Merry Christmas. Love, daver

  1. Date: 12/7/2008 9:37:00 AM
    lol. This is cute and funny. Thank you for making me smile John. Thanks also for our comments on my poems.

  1. Date: 12/5/2008 3:51:00 PM
    This is a wonderful parody. I'm still laughing. I love parodies. Awesome write. Thank you for your thoughtful comment. May you and your family have a happy and safe holiday season. God bless. Robin

  1. Date: 12/4/2008 1:05:00 PM
    haha this was great, I loved this re-write of the song. Awesome job, good luck my friend! ~Michaela~

  1. Date: 12/3/2008 1:25:00 AM
    lol. Loved this one! lainie

  1. Date: 12/1/2008 7:41:00 AM
    I could have swore I commented on this. Must have been in the days of multitudinous poems posted with the bugs in our soup! This is just hilarious and it is too bad you can't enter your own contest, you would give us all a run for our money. Clever does not do it justice...LOL I am still laughing....Love Christie

  1. Date: 12/1/2008 1:06:00 AM
    this is great, john. yeah, I got it. I thought something else. Kindly ignore that as these days I AM very confused. I forget things very often.... I thought 'the woods' is in semis.... I re-checked....and understood....hope u understand too :) and thanks for your reply and everything. Love- AMAAN! :)

  1. Date: 11/30/2008 3:03:00 PM
    really loved this one, that is a good song by a fine poet. thank you for reading my if i could be and for your very kind comment. it means so much to me.

  1. Date: 11/30/2008 2:35:00 PM
    Hi John, Thanks for your comments regarding Broken Glass. I soooo enjoyed this poem of yours. A great sense of humor. In love & light, Margie

  1. Date: 11/30/2008 10:58:00 AM
    I can't believe that jerk is still around...wonder how many times he gets dumped in a year??? ..This is the funniest write I have read in a long time....always, Christy

  1. Date: 11/28/2008 3:35:00 PM
    Brilliantly expressed my friend! Funny as hell, with clever word use and light-hearted sentiment. I thoroughly enjoyed it! Best wishes, Keith

  1. Date: 11/25/2008 4:12:00 AM
    Think I commented on this one yesterday, but it was on one of the multiple copies and has since been deleted, I think. So I'll comment again...Thank you for the HUGE laugh! This song was absolutely perfect. I laughed just as hard this morning rereading it as I did the first time!

  1. Date: 11/25/2008 2:26:00 AM
    I think I married and divorced him!!!!! It's nice to see a sense of humor in poetry.....Aleera

  1. Date: 11/24/2008 2:41:00 AM
    Cleverrrr ( it came up 4 times on my screen) piece of parody writing , John . It aint easy , but you kept it in perfect time .... PS Did you serve me dinner , before you penned this ???... NO tip !!! RIGHT !!!! .....

  1. Date: 11/23/2008 12:53:00 PM
    I agree with Nigel....this is a winner in your own contest!!! My laugh for the day, John!! :) ~ Love, Carrie

  1. Date: 11/23/2008 12:22:00 PM
    Hilarious write, John. Would be sure to win in your own contest!! Best wishes, Nigel