Cool Breeze

Today I saw an old woman, gaunt and brown from sun exposure, Her legs were thin from walking round and round downtown Nashville, My stomach dropped. Six months ago I saw the same woman walking in the winter in a hand me down coat and shorts, I walked up to her and said, “Do you need any money?” She cursed me and started talking to herself. I asked her, “Listen, let me pray with you and I’ll get you some help!” She cursed me again and started rolling her head around in circles. I wanted to grab her, but I knew that would make it worse. I went to my car, and screamed at the top of my lungs, “Lord Jesus heal that Woman!!” And I knew in that moment that I would never see her again. I knew in that moment that God would intervene. I knew in that moment that someone would get her on some meds. Someone who she trusted would get her on some meds. I knew in that moment that someone would call 211 and connect her with Social Services. I knew in that moment that someone would care enough to grab her and say, “You are free in the name of Jesus!” And everything would be alright. Today I saw an old woman, gaunt and brown from sun exposure, And my stomach dropped. This morning I got a call from US Bank. I answered the phone and the man said, “You owe us $500” I said, “How can that be?” He said, “Your co-signor has been delinquent for 5 months” I remembered the love I had for my friend when I co-signed for his loan. I remember knowing, beyond a shadow of a doubt that he would not be delinquent on that loan. And my stomach dropped. This morning I weighed myself. I had been diligent, I had worked hard. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I had lost weight. The scale showed that I had gained 4 pounds. My stomach dropped. And I began to writhe in shame and guilt that while people were dying of cancer and aids, And black men killed each other in rage, That while people lost loved ones, And writhed in old age, That I should be subtly suicidal over a 4 pound weight gain. I cursed the imbalance in my head. That left me so keenly susceptible to the vicissitudes of life. And I forced myself to brush my teeth. Today, I thought to myself, “Where is the proof?!” What proof do I have that someone, somewhere, has some concern for us?! I suppose the only proof that I have in this moment is the cool breeze on this summer day that comforts my soul.