Best Whiner Poems
FOOTLES FOR THE BIRDS AND THE BEASTS -
Bad-ass old bear:
Grizzly
Grizzly
Dachshund making critical life choices:
Eenie
Weenie...
Cougar from Arizona:
Yuma
Puma
Cowardly Cock-a-Doodle-Doer:
Chicken
Chicken
Slave Driving Beaver:
Dam it
Damn it!
Aptly named female feathered friend:
Robin
Robin
Alaska poacher gets mauled by a:
Polar's
Molars
Overweight Terrier:
Porky
Yorkie
Scavenger Mores:
Vulture
Culture
After sex, bears often share a:
Yogi
Stogie
Neutered Tomcat:
Benign
Feline
Wolf in Sheep’s clothing:
Mutton
Glutton
Proportionally, male Dachshunds have:
Teenie
Weenies
(But size isn't everything)
.........................................
RANDOM AND RATHER REDICULOUS FOOTLES -
Overweight law enforcement official:
Whopper
Copper
Overweight Janitor:
Whopper
Mopper
Spaced-out church officer:
Freekin’
Deacon
Church officer forced to depend on Depends:
Leakin'
Deacon
Unhappy restaurant client:
Diner
Whiner
Cosa Nostra restaurant special:
Mobster
Lobster
Yep, you guessed it. A criminal Crustacean:
Lobster
Mobster
Why did she slap me? All I did was:
Toot her
Hooter
Careless Urologist:
Pecker
Wrecker
Downtown Nashville is a place I’d love to call my home,
With fine country singers dancing on the Grand Ole Opry-
With Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers singing on the stage,
Sitting in the front row would be no one else but me!
The Country Music Hall of Fame full of platinum records,
In nineteen-eighty the awesome Johnny Cash was inducted-
The Judds and Hank Williams a part of history in the making,
Oh, what an amazing atmosphere Nashville has conducted.
Famous pulled pork dinners with enough sides for a hundred,
A full plate of Apple Crisp from downtown “Ravie’s Diner”,
Walking the streets with such ease with no worries of safety,
Right now, I live near Detroit and I’ve become quite the whiner.
Nashville carries a special place in my longing heart,
See, at Temple Church is where I found the Lord as my Savior-
The preacher was pouring wisdom as I sat in tears,
That precious hot day in July I shall always savor.
The biggest reason I’d love it there, it’s where my sister lives,
My number one best friend would live right next door-
My dogs would run free all day without worrying of strangers,
Because living in the open country you need a fence no more.
Downtown Nashville is a place I’d love to call my home-
With cherished music and my sister, I’d never again be alone.
November 8, 2016
If one’s mother-in-law is a woman Hitler, the father-in-law might be a fatal whiner!
Horrible women are sure to abuse
the spouses who bow and scrape to such shrews.
Merciless, malicious, manipulating matriarchs make mere mortal meek men miserable.
Dec. 17, 2015
Anagrams: Mother-in-law/woman Hitler; father-in-law/ fatal whiner
Life is about having the right attitude.
Don't be known as one with platitude.
Someone who is a habitual whiner,
is not a good companion at a diner.
Life is always a much happier place
if you don't slap anyone in the face,
so you won't be a curmudgeon grouch
why don't you take a nap on your couch.
No one wants to be around a grumbler
especially one who should be humbler.
Wear a smile instead of a sourpuss frown
and from your own pedestal, step down.
One who brags about his or her work
is really just being a malcontent jerk.
If these words seem harsh and trite,
some fish are known to take a bite.
Kindness is the best way to make a friend
so stop being bitter, just make amends.
Stop being a grouch, no talk or bellyache,
and be nice to others, for goodness sake!
11 December 2010
Sinner or Saint
==========
We all sin and we are sinners
We are saints upon God’s Grace, the Giver
The way of the cross, God and man entwine
To err is human, to forgive divine
Blind we are, and can’t see the truth
Pretender wins the trust of youth
A deaf to good news, unable to decline
To err is human, to forgive divine
Great mind leads us into the system
Worldwide, the weak flow to its streams
In the lowness of spirit, wrongful is enshrine
To err is human, to forgive divine
Saints we are, since purified, still a whiner
For Jesus did not come for the righteous, but sinners
We are sinners and saints and that shall remain
To err is human, to forgive divine
7th place winner
"To Err Is Human to Forgive Divine" Contest
Sponsored by: Audrey Carey
Contest Judged: 1/8/2011
Slave-driving beaver:
"Dam it
Damn it!"
Unhappy restaurant client:
Diner
Whiner
Neutered Tomcat:
Benign
Feline
Why did she slap me? All I did was:
Toot her
Hooter
Careless Urologist:
Pecker
Wrecker
Whining Horse
This is the angry mind
Of a whining Horse
All it does detest
Is the Race Course
A reason there is
To loath the Race Track;
The goad, the spur and
Rider on the back,
Digging stirrups on flanks
While he blows fiery lips
Aquiline force to stir
By the crack of whips
And when it’s over
Jockey being a winner
He dons best suit
And forget the whiner!
Hanging with Friends
To enjoy the win
He condemns the Horse
To disdain’s empty bin!
How many times he wins
He’ll continue in hay
Diet will not change
Till his last living day.
JM
14th Nov’ 2013
Here we part ways, dear. Sorry, excess makes me sick.
You'll visit me one day as an anticyclone.
We ate cheese drinking Port wine few times a week,
Used to chip in for a new bottle like brothers.
From now on we'll no longer see one another.
I will remember you silly, skinny and weak,
Eighteen, a bit drunk and without a real mother.
We knew only excess, there was no middle ground.
You were cute when you laughed. I still recall the sound
Of days at the faculty when like kids we sat
On beige worn-out window-sills to enjoy a chat.
Each his own boss, yet a whiner with a cola.
We part ways here, dear. It's that around
The corner you continue solo.
I won't come to read the burial. There's green grass
And a lake. The car's in the bush, after you pass
The fill. I don't recall how I made it out alive at eighteen.
I don't know how it feels dying at twenty two even if keen.
See you not-soon! Hard to catch up with you, frizzy.
I watch your back as you leave and feel so dizzy.
So many words are there in our speech,
they can be very poor, they can be rich.
No one can be indifferent to their meaning
as they are alive and express your feeling.
Spoken word is not just a sound,
it can’t be found on the ground,
it’s always in your head, sometimes in your soul.
When it is spoken it becomes a parole.
A word is an energy of your spirit,
it was presented to you by God, it’s His merit.
A word is a tool of communication,
A word is a source of information.
“A word spoken is past recalling”.
Strolling all around it can’t be found,
returned back and kept in your sack.
“The pen is mightier than the sword”,
that was told about a written word.
Words, words, words………………
They are love and seduction,
each one with a certain function.
They are wonders of sin
and songs of education.
They are salvation, temptation, affectation…
They can be an executioner,
they can be the owner of a whiner.
A word can be a treatment,
It helps when you are ill.
A kind word is better than a pill.
But…there are words that just kill.
They sound like a horrible drill.
Words, words, words…………
They are triumph and defeat,
They can be pleasant and sweet.
At the end of my message
I would like everyone to acknowledge:
Each word has a strength
and it doesn’t depend on its length.
So, think before saying a word,
as it is quite well heard even by walls,
it touches someone’s soul,
it shouldn’t be a wicked foul.
“Better the foot to slip than the tongue”.
And there is no exception either you are old or young.
Larisa Rzhepishevska (Odessa, Ukraine)
Ah, had I been much wiser
and taken mom more seriously,
I wouldn't have called her a miserable whiner!
I shiver remembering my behavior so bizarre and childish,
and quite often I got punished
for hanging out with kids who were too fresh.
Mother screamed as a maddened woman saying,
"Get back in here and finish your homework! "
I did not listen and ran out not to keep them waiting.
My grades got worse, and mom's face was got bitter,
I tried to tell her how sorry I was,
but words got stuck in my throat and I reached for air.
All privileges were taken away from me,
every effort to mend my mistakes was unsuccessful...
I was only given warnings up to three.
My wistfulness to please mom was denied,
she stopped wishing me goodnight,
I saw in me that unruly child who constantly lied.
The intention of that pursued wish always remained:
to hug her and ask for forgiveness,
and would I have been given another chance instead?
And that happened on Christmas Eve while unwrapping my undeserved gifts,
I stood up and embraced her with all my strength...
as the conscience's voice returned, " Doesn't foolishness cause regrets? "
I’ve been known to buck a bale or two in my day
And I’ve loved a gal or a few and rode away.
I’ve dug up taters for just a dollar a day—
I’ve clerked in stores and let the boss man have his say.
There’s few ‘round here that ain’t had me in their employ—
But like I’ve always said: “Heck, I ain’t no cowboy!”
They say soldiers is heroes – I gave it a try—
I lost use of an arm and saw too many die.
But I ain’t no whiner and I never did quit—
I’m big and raw-boned and I don’t care one darned bit
What others may think on the range or back in town—
I’m just a simple ol’ soul that ain’t too profound.
I’ve busted some chops and broke me some wild broncs—
Bruised butts and cracked heads in some crazy honkytonks—
I’ve wrote me poems about the West and its joy—
But like I’ve always said: “Heck, I ain’t no cowboy.”
And though I’m downtrodden and may live in two worlds—
I savor a coon dog and still love all the girls.
I’ll leave with my ol’ hat and a pair of good boots—
A twelve-gauge shotgun and an ol’ Colt that still shoots.
You can bury me in town or out on the range—
‘Cause both of them is just fine and neither is strange—
Don’t belly-up to my pine box or act too coy—
Just tell the blamed ol’ truth: “Heck, he weren’t no cowboy.”
The Good Book says we must oblige,
By the Law of the Land we must abide.
And you know I'm trying to do my best,
I gave up the powder and the pills and the rest.
I traded my barstool for this old recliner
And I don't mean to be such a whiner
But please don't take my bud.
I gave up the whiskey, the beer and the gin,
Stopped paying the price for the wages of sin.
I quit running down the road in the middle of the night,
I'm not looking for trouble and I don't want to fight,
So please don't take my bud.
The Indians really had it going on
As they sat by the fire and passed 'round the bong.
The magic of the peyote button
Cannot be dismissed as merely nothing.
It's Nature's finest remedy
For whatever ails your sanity.
So please don't take my bud.
Don't take away my meager stash,
'Cause I'm getting pretty short on cash
And my dealer won't front me anymore
Until I lay some greenbacks at his door.
So don't you touch that bud!
Nice and Naughty
Oh, there is an old cat that I call Smudge,
her fur is spatters of caramel fudge;
at night she hops on my bed,
demands my hand on her head;
if I should stop she gives me a huge nudge!
One day "Cat" ran off with my pork wiener,
now, usually I am no whiner;
and I love my cat divine,
always in my heart will twine;
but gosh darn, there was no wiener finer!
________________________
April 26, 2017
Limerick/Limerick Contest
Copyright Protected, ID 895682
Limerick Contest
Jan Allison
First Place
_________________________
Syllables checked on - HowManySyllables.Com
Rhyming checked on - RhymeZone.com
I remember as a kid this one little guy
tough as nails and quick with a lie
he showed up with a shiner
but he wasn't a whiner
said he, I hit his fist with my eye
What Do You Say, When You Pray?
Good morning. It’s me again. How have you been? Thank you for yesterday, today and maybe tomorrow.
Yes! The family is doing fine. We know it will get better in time. Thanks for asking. Oh yes, how is your family doing?
I know you are always busy, so I want take long. Things are a little shaky at home, when I am all alone.
Uncle Joe said hello. He still runs into the door. Black Jack our dog, broke her leg again. Chasing her tail. Poor dog, just can’t win.
Things at the job are still so, so. I am ready to go, you know. If you have any leads let me know. I would be pleased, and my mind would be at ease.
My friend saw me praying yesterday. By the way! He text you all the time. Some time he is bumped off the line. Yes! He is a whiner.
Will you be busy tomorrow, about this same time? I have some important stuff to tell you. Heads up, it going to take a while. And yes! It’s wild.
Okay! I see my time is up. Gotta run also. It’s been Holy Fun. See you in a little while. Just joking! No, I have not been smoking…
Thanks for putting up with me. No one else does. Lots of Love.
Dr. “G”