I was in the drug store the other day trying to get a cold medication... Not easy. There's an entire wall of products you need. You stand there going, Well, this one is quick acting but this is long lasting...Which is more important, the present or the future?
|
It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
|
It really was written and geared for a very specific audience, but our comedic strength trumps all of that. The subject matter, the dialogue, the tone isn't right for most of America.
|
It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
|
Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.
|
Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash!
|
I had a dream last night that a hamburger was eating ME!
|
But after they settle in you've still got to be funny, because for an hour just the fact they get to see you live in a theater is going to wear off if you're not doing well.
|
Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end . . .
|
Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.
|
Men want the same thing from women that they want from their underwear... a little support, comfort, and freedom.
|
A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.
|
The whole object of comedy is to be yourself and the closer you get to that, the funnier you will be.
|
Men want the same thing from women and their underwear: support, comfort, and freedom.
|
There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.
|
There is no such thing as 'fun for the whole family.'
|
I had 10,000 things that I like doing on the show itself, and certainly among them was telling George he had a problem, especially one he wasn't aware of.
|
I think that people who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.
|
That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.
|