Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time.
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A bland smile is like a green light at an intersection, it feels good when you get one, but you forget it the moment you're past it.
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Brain research tells us that only twenty percent of human beings have a sense of irony, which means that eighty percent of the world takes everything at face value.
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Make your goals big and broad enough so that they never become answered prayers and boomerang to curse you.
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Earth was not built for six billion people all running around and being passionate about things. The world was built for about two million people foraging for roots and grubs.
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High school is such a shared experience in North American culture.
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Canadians can easily 'pass for American' as long as we don't accidentally use metric measurements or apologize when hit by a car.
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A man in a bookstore buys a book on loneliness and every woman in the store hits on him. A woman buys a book on loneliness and the store clears out.
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Birds are a miracle because they prove to us there is a finer, simpler state of being which we may strive to attain.
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We want our idols to be dead because it makes death a much less scary place.
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Americans are a quarter of a billion people who have almost nothing in common except for the fact they've been told they have lots in common.
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Big companies are like marching bands. Even if half the band is playing random notes, it still sounds kind of like music. The concealment of failure is built into them.
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On TV people look at your hair and then they look at your skin, and then they look at your clothes, and by the time they're listening to what you're saying, you're off the screen.
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I like doing radio because it's so intimate. The moment people hear your voice, you're inside there heads, not only that, you're in there laying eggs.
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Every human being you see in the course of a day has a problem that's sucking up at least 70 percent of his or her radar.
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Before machines the only form of entertainment people really had was relationships.
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If human beings had genuine courage, they'd wear their costumes every day of the year, not just on Halloween.
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Forget sex or politics or religion, loneliness is the subject that clears out a room.
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I want pills called September 10. You take one and your mind feels like the 11th never happened.
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Adventure without risk is Disneyland.
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There's nothing cure or funny or lovable about being cheap. It's a total turn-off.
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Eagles are seagulls with a good hairdo.
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Clowns drink to blot out the ravages of terrifying children for a living.
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Human beings are the only animal that thinks they change who they are simply by moving to a different place. Birds migrate, but it's not quite the same thing.
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We decided that the French could never write user-friendly software because they're so rude.
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Every single moment is a coincidence.
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If our subconscious was attractive, we wouldn't have to bury it down deep within us.
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A ring is a halo on your finger.
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Cloning is great. If God made the original, then making copies should be fine.
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The capacity for not feeling lonely can carry a very real price, that of feeling nothing at all.
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