People have often said to me, 'Surely when you are with the tramps they don't really accept you as one of themselves? Surely they notice that you are different--notice the difference of accent?' etc., etc. As a matter of fact, a fair proportion of tramps, well over a quarter I should say, notice nothing of the kind. To begin with, many people have no ear for accent and judge you entirely by your clothes. I was often struck by this fact when I was begging at back doors. Some people were obviously surprised by my 'educated' accent, others completely failed to notice it; I was dirty and ragged and that was all they saw. Again, tramps come from all parts of the British Isles and the variation in English accents is enormous. A tramp is used to hearing all kinds of accents among his mates, some of them so strange to him that he can hardly understand them, and a man from, say, Cardiff or Durham or Dublin does not necessarily know which of the south English accents is an 'educated' one. In any case men with 'educated' accents, though rare among tramps, are not unknown. But even when tramps are aware that you are of different origin from themselves, it does not necessarily alter their attitude. From their point of view all that matters is that you, like themselves, are 'on the bum'. And in that world it is not done to ask too many questions. You can tell people the history of your life if you choose, and most tramps do so on the smallest provocation, but you are under no compulsion to tell it and whatever story you tell will be accepted without question. Even a bishop could be at home among tramps if he wore the right clothes; and even if they knew he was a bishop it might not make any difference, provided that they also knew or believed that he was genuinely destitute. Once you are in that world and seemingly of it, it hardly matters what you have been in the past. It is a sort of world-within-a-world where everyone is equal, a small squalid democracy...
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Those colorful denizens of male despair, the Bowery bum and the rail-riding hobo, have been replaced by the bag lady and the welfare mother. Women have even taken over Skid Row.
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What the fuck-ass-fuck-of-a-bum-fuck-shithole town is this?
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In England, I'm a horror movie director. In Germany, I'm a filmmaker. In the US, I'm a bum.
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Hold you there, neither a strange hand nor my own, neither heavy nor light shall touch my bum.
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Another bum told me, 'I haven't tasted food all week.' I told him, 'Don't worry, it still tastes the same!'
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Getting ideas is like shaving if you don't do it every day, you're a bum.
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An expert is an ordinary fella away from home.
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Show me a man with very little money and I will show you a bum.
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As a cop, I dealt with every kind of bum and criminal. They all have more integrity than some Hollywood people.
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Another bum asked me, 'Can I have $300 for a cup of coffee?' I told him, 'Coffee's a quarter!' The bum said, 'Yeah, but I want to drink it in Brazil!'
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A bum came up to me saying, 'I haven't eaten in two days!' I said, 'You should force yourself!'
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You may not be in a class by yourself, but it sure doesn't take long to call the roll.
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A bum asked me, 'Give me $10 till payday.' I asked, 'When's payday?' He said, 'I don't know, you're the one who is working!'
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