Poetry Forum

joejamvig - all messages by user

7/4/2017 2:35:28 PM
Don't forget to close the door	Don't forget to shut the door Open mind and open heart I knew I loved you from the start. Forgot the poison you became You carved my heart and etched my brain. My aim was true, my arrow missed I close my eyes and bite my fist. You drag your feet across my floor Please don't forget to shut the door. A breech of trust with ill intent? I'll never know just what you meant. Insisting "i can't do this now" Your angry shot across my bow. Circle, triangle and now a square It's more frustration than I can bare. No shame, no sorrow and no regard You drag your feet across my yard. You're walking out again,"it's too hard" I lay in pieces on the floor Please don't forget to shut the door. Time heals wounds and this will scar Another shattered heart in your repertoire. I walk, I talk, I live my life And battle my own personal strife. I think about you now and then My thoughts control my weary pen. My water is calm, give or take Again I've weathered your mighty wake. My yard is patched I've cleaned my floor It's finally me, who shut the door. edited by joejamvig on 7/12/2017 edited by joejamvig on 7/12/2017 edited by joejamvig on 7/12/2017
7/8/2017 6:03:47 PM
Don't forget to close the door	The geometrical line represents the circle of two people in a relationship, the triangle 3 and the square 4.
7/9/2017 10:34:45 AM
Don't forget to close the door	Thank you for your critique! I really appreciate the feedback. Perhaps this would work better or make more sense as free verse? I am very influenced by Leonard Cohen. I actually hear him when I read things out loud. I know I should be my own writer, but I can't think of anyone better to emulate. Thanks again for reading my piece. I'll make some tweaks and see how it goes.
7/11/2017 8:41:19 AM
Don't forget to close the door	good lord! what have i done to the queens English?! i will fix the grammatical error immediately. thanks for the input.
7/15/2017 8:57:16 AM
introduction	Welcome to poetry soup.
7/15/2017 9:01:35 AM
I'd like some feedback please. Thanks	Absloutly wonderful! I can feel every word. I believe the greatest thing a poet can do is move someone with their words. You my friend, have moved me profoundly.
7/16/2017 2:34:11 PM
The child I never had	To the child I never had Brighter than stars, are a baby's eyes. But you're eyes are special. They glow with a love and a brilliance unmatched, because you are truly the product of love. Softer than clouds, is a baby's skin. But your skin is special. It's the perfect blend of fair and olive. As soft as a whisper, and as pure as love itself. Warmer than the sun, is a baby's promise. But you are special. You are loved more than you can ever imagine, by parents who will always support you in anything you choose. The bright stars and the grapefruit moon will shine on you forever. And if you asked for the moon we would give it to you. edited by joejamvig on 8/2/2017 edited by joejamvig on 8/6/2017 edited by joejamvig on 8/17/2017
2/22/2018 10:39:34 AM
M	Open mind and open heart,I knew i loved you from the start. Forgot the poison you became, you carved my heart and etched my brain. My aim was true, my arrow missed,I close my eyes and bite my fist. You drag your feet across my floor,please don't forget to close the door. A breech of trust with ill intent,i'll never know just what you meant. Insisting," I cant do this now" Your angry shot across my bow. The circle, the triangle, then a square,it's more frustration than I can bare. No shame, no sorrow and no regard,you drag your feet across my yard. You're walking out again, "it's too hard"Don't forget to close the door. Time heals wounds and this will scar.Just another shattered heart in your repertoire. I walk, i talk, i live my life, surviving my own personal strife. I think about you now and then,my thoughts control my weary pen. My water is calm, give or take. Again I've weathered your might wake. My yard is patched, I've cleaned my floor. It's finally me who closed the door. edited by joejamvig on 2/22/2018
pages: 1