4/20/2015 3:33:03 PM
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AM I THE ONLY TEEN ON POETRY SOUP?
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12.
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4/20/2015 3:53:37 PM
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crazy world
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I woke up tomorrow And sat on my head So I ate supper Before I got out of bed
Stranger things happen In this crazy world
I went through the bedroom door And was outside in the spring It was snowing when I went to sleep So now I’m listening to the moon sing
Stranger things happen In this crazy world
The sky was brown And pink and purple striped Shaped like a frown And leaking through the roof
Stranger things happen In this crazy world
I’m drowning in air While frying the constellations With a magnifying pear And some red bloomers
Stranger things happen n this crazy world
I’ll try to fix the mistake By finding where I went wrong Maybe it was the beet and chocolate cake Or the stranger I met on Mars!
Stranger things happen In this crazy world
I’m pacing on the ceiling Dodging the lava lamps Later I’ll visit the dungeon On the escalator ramps
Stranger things happen In this crazy world
I’ll wear my best hat on my feet Maybe some mascara on my nails And a blouse on my head And a scarf of decorative entrails!
Stranger things happen n this crazy world
I’ll have to climb up six million stairs Just to get lower than this room And avoid the rampaging parfait fairs ‘Cause they get in the way
Stranger things happen In this crazy world
I might dye a kitten Like you do Easter eggs My prisoners would be smitten with a multicolored feline
Stranger things happen In this crazy world
I have plenty of mess to sort out And about seventy aliens following me And someone keeps offering a padded room Which I kinda want to see
Stranger things happen In this crazy world
They say I’m crazy and insane But I say it’s just this messed up world So now I’m locked up and in pain For seeing stranger things happen (Like I said they would) edited by Glory Winzer on 4/20/2015
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4/20/2015 5:00:15 PM
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Is there life on Mars?
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Science shows that Mars is not capable of sustaining life forms. Me, I think that if there was life on Mars, we scared it away and now its living in a different galaxy.
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4/21/2015 2:13:28 PM
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A question on book length...
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Some people do not have the patience to read a long book, especially one of poetry. I think that you should just make the book however long you think it should be and the people who are going to read it can just deal with the length. After all, you're the author. Your point of 150-275 is a good length for a book of poetry, though, I think.
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8/6/2015 9:48:45 AM
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Hypocricy
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Is it wrong to write poems that are not true? Poems that have nothing to do with the poet? Poems that are, in essence, lies to the ones who read them? See, I often write poems from emotions that I feel, about experiences that exist only in my mind, and I have had comments offering support, and I'm touched that people would do that, but the things haven't actually happened to me, so it's just kind of, I don't know. I am currently struggling with this, and would appreciate honest feedback. Feel free to yell at me for it, or whatever. I just need to know what you think.
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8/19/2015 4:58:52 PM
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First Ever Poem- Fruitless
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What are you trying to say here? The point, the story, of the poem is totally lost. Please explain more about what is going on.
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8/19/2015 5:18:02 PM
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Pretense - by Bob Atkinson
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Didn't come to read Poe and Frey. Had I wanted to read them, would have read them. Came to read YOUR poetry, and enjoyed 18 stoic faces. The idea which you channel into the poem is excellent, unfortunately the delivery somewhat lacks. What form are you trying to use here? It seems to me you'd be better off either writing it in free verse, or making sure it rhymes consistently. Plus, your phrasing is off, and though there is a nice flow, you throw it off by tossing in a line that doesn't go with the meter. Other than technicalities, though, nicely done.
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8/25/2015 8:37:45 AM
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Pretense - by Bob Atkinson
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I need not read the same lines twenty times when three will suffice just fine. Words are words and they seldom change from heartbeat to heartbeat. Please, do not compare reading poetry to listening to a song. Listening to a song, you can hear the emotion of every syllable, understand the tone by the musical phrasing. But with poetry, unless it is written very well, you must listen much harder to feel the poem. Eighteen Stoic faces brings many questions and I greatly dislike poems that leave you with too many questions about the poem. It leaves a dissatisfied feeling.
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8/25/2015 8:39:32 AM
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THE FEWLY APPRECIATED
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Hear, hear!!
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8/25/2015 8:40:49 AM
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Hypocricy
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Thank you.
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8/25/2015 8:56:59 AM
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Feel Free To Be BRUTAL On Any Part
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Lies
Sweet words slipped off your lips Thoughtless promises and advice and praise All the while, just meaningless, empty They formed a picturesque maze Unrelenting, they wove and trapped me Endlessly the tumbled, a torrent without stays Silently I stood, and stand, buckling, weakening, breaking...
Never did the tide stop Even through trials, tears, triumph, they came Virtue lost under the untruths, mistrusts Entrancing, bespelling, the lies were a game Reaching, whispering, begging to be said
Scintillating , you turned to me Promising, encouraging, twisting me Over the years you spun your web Kind words, compliments, secrets, binding me Each one planned, another twine I couldn't see
Tributes and trust, a game of words Over and over and over, out of control
Mindlessly, you purposed, triumphed, unstable You kept coming back to hurt me
Spinning into insanity, slipping from reality Impossible to stop the crash course Locked on, we both fought, entwined Eternally, bound in the net of lies Never giving, or forgiving, or letting go Compromise, re-compensate, and start again Each lie, each moment, our forever history
Time after time, you echo through my head Over and over, the lies you always said I thought you were dead
Feel free to be brutal on any of this poem, even if only one word bothered you.
edited by Glory Winzer on 8/25/2015
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8/25/2015 7:45:41 PM
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Pretense - by Bob Atkinson
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Yes, Atkinson. Song lyrics are often poetry in nature. I was attempting to state that hearing something sung in music is much different than reading it. In many ways music is more expressive than words can be. Perhaps I shall check where you're coming from...
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5/6/2016 1:30:49 PM
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Honest Critique please.
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This is a good poem. It needs a bit of 'trim', might consider adjusting the rhythm of a few stanzas, especially the last one, but other then that, it is very good work.
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