Every Time
Every morning, as the sun rises, my first thought is about you.
I rush downstairs, thinking I would be able to see you before I go to school.
But then, I realize I won’t see you.
Every night, as I’m ready to go to sleep,
I sit in my bed waiting for you to knock on my door and come in to say goodnight.
But then, I realize you will not be coming.
Every time I hear or see a piano,
I think about how later that night, you and I would sit and play together.
But then, I realize we can’t do that anymore.
Every time someone talks about what they’re doing with their dad’s this weekend,
I want to tell them how you and I are going to do something together.
But then, I realize we can’t do things together.
Every time someone brings up something funny their dad did,
I want to tell them what you used to do and how hilarious you were.
But then, I realize I cannot bring myself to say it.
Every time someone asks me about my dad,
I find myself going on and on about the things we used to do together.
But then, I realize we won’t ever be able to do those things together.
Every time I think about coming home after school,
I imagine us sitting down and talking about each other’s days.
But then, I realize we can’t do those things anymore.
Every time I think about the future,
I imagine you walking me down the aisle at my wedding.
But then, I sit and realize that you can’t even be there to experience it with me.
Every time I find myself thinking about you,
I tell myself to stop, because you’ll be back later tonight
But then, I realized that you’re not coming back.
Every time I get sad about never seeing you again,
I tell myself to stop because you would want me to be happy.
And then, I realized that it’s okay to be sad and it’s okay to miss you,
because I should feel grateful that I got to spend the time I did with you.
Copyright © Julia Pepka | Year Posted 2016
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