Every Time

Every morning, as the sun rises, my first thought is about you. I rush downstairs, thinking I would be able to see you before I go to school. But then, I realize I won’t see you. Every night, as I’m ready to go to sleep, I sit in my bed waiting for you to knock on my door and come in to say goodnight. But then, I realize you will not be coming. Every time I hear or see a piano, I think about how later that night, you and I would sit and play together. But then, I realize we can’t do that anymore. Every time someone talks about what they’re doing with their dad’s this weekend, I want to tell them how you and I are going to do something together. But then, I realize we can’t do things together. Every time someone brings up something funny their dad did, I want to tell them what you used to do and how hilarious you were. But then, I realize I cannot bring myself to say it. Every time someone asks me about my dad, I find myself going on and on about the things we used to do together. But then, I realize we won’t ever be able to do those things together. Every time I think about coming home after school, I imagine us sitting down and talking about each other’s days. But then, I realize we can’t do those things anymore. Every time I think about the future, I imagine you walking me down the aisle at my wedding. But then, I sit and realize that you can’t even be there to experience it with me. Every time I find myself thinking about you, I tell myself to stop, because you’ll be back later tonight But then, I realized that you’re not coming back. Every time I get sad about never seeing you again, I tell myself to stop because you would want me to be happy. And then, I realized that it’s okay to be sad and it’s okay to miss you, because I should feel grateful that I got to spend the time I did with you.