Germs, marked with a big red J crawl inside your heart one by one
They take over your brain, causing you to do and say things you didn't mean
The more space they consume, the more you worry that you're going to be left again
Abandonment will take over you once more.
The funny thing about these germs though is that they're created by your own body
Then your body rejects them like they're some sort of foreign object
But you can't get rid of them that easy
Medication will not make you feel better this time
The only cure to these germs is love
Love that cannot be seen or heard, but felt
And the second that love is questioned or challenged your body makes more germs
Possessiveness is not the answer though
The germs watch as the ones you love live their lives and talk to people who aren't you
Then they laugh their menacing laugh and they create more germs in your brain
But these germs are different.
'A' is the letter that marks these germs in dark blue
These new germs flood your brain with irrational thoughts and feelings
The J germs and the A germs multiply until you can't figure out which is which
Yet you try so hard to give everyone their own life
Ignoring the germs will never help but obsessing will not help either
Then the germs scream at you.
They scream at you to push everyone away that you're close to
You're just so scared you're going to lose them
Giving up is just as bad as possessiveness
Now that you're confused with yourself some new germs are born
A crossbreed of the J germs and the A germs
These new germs are called the C germs
Confusion with yourself causes more pain.
Now you push everyone away and a new germ is born; the G germ
Everything is falling farther and farther apart like never before
The germs keep multiplying and encouraging each other
Guilt has arisen.
The cycle of germs is a vicious one
They won't stop multiplying until you feel as if you can't control anything anymore
The fact that you can't control it pushes them all away more and more
Friendship has been lost
It started with the germs marked with the red J
It ended with regret and hurt for everyone
All the germs keep multiplying; crossbreeding, inbreeding, breeding with their own kind
Control is lost
All you were fighting for in the first place was to not lose the ones you love
Now you're not even sure if they love you anymore
You've screwed it up too much
And the cycle begins again...
Copyright © Darian Rehder