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Darian Rehder Poem
The signs started in December
When she started waking up in tears each night
She was a normal girl with dark brown hair and darker brown eyes
She had plenty of friends and a loving family with just one thing missing
Her father.
Days passed by and turned into weeks but only felt like a few seconds
Her life just whizzed by faster and faster until it was just a whirr in front of her eyes
Darkness filtered into her heart and mind until she didn't know if she could go on
But she had to. She couldn't let her mother and her sister drown in this same pain
She wouldn't let them.
She pushed all the darkness into the depths of her own heart
In hopes to save the hearts of the two people she had left
Because what else was there to live for now?
The rest of her world had crashed and her mother and sister was all that was left
She wouldn't let them drown in pain too.
She watched as they started to heal in her loving arms
Their hearts started to lighten up once more
But hers was just as dark as it was before
And growing darker day by day
But she wouldn't let that stop her.
Suddenly a year had passed... and then two
It only seemed like seconds to her but everyone else started moving on
Her mother and sister no longer needed her nurturing care
But she needed someone to hold on to
Anyone...
With nothing left for her to take control of, the dark pushed past her boundries
It found a way into her soul
Until all she could see was dark and no light
But her mother and sister were healed now
They didn't understand
The tears came back and engulfed her soul
Bit by bit until she wasn't sure why she was still alive
The grief took over like knives
Piercing her skin over and over and over
It hurt so much.
She started to wonder what it'd look like to be dead
She could see him again if she was
Wouldn't it be so much easier than having to endure this pain?
Wouldn't it be so much easier than having to live knowing she'd never see him again?
It would.
So she started to hate herself
All that negative energy was starting to take toll
Everyone around her was breathing while she suffocated more and more by the second
She wished she'd just choke already instead of living in constant pain
If no one would put her out of her misery, she'd have to do it herself
She couldn't see any light anymore
So she grabbed the pill bottle off the shelf and just hoped it wouldn't take long to die
Deep down she still had a spark of light, but she just couldn't find it
And now it was too late in her mind to change, to turn back and try to look deeper
She was done living.
That's when people started to notice that everything wasn't as peaceful as it seemed
They started to see how deeply depressed she had become
They wanted to help her see the light again before it was too late
So they sent her away to see doctors and to take pills to make everything better
It was a start.
She didn't see a change at first but suddenly she could think clearly
Maybe what they were doing was actually going to help her see the light again
Yes, she still wanted to die, but maybe that wasn't the only option anymore
They cared, and behind all their own problems they were trying to understand
They really were trying
Six months longer she would be treated and cared for
Until suddenly she was sent home from her treatment and care with a smile on her face
She had a new perspective
Someone had helped her ignite that spark in her heart until it was a glowing ember
She had been reborn
Sometimes you have to be able to experience the worst of it
To come back shining brighter than before
And if she had died that cold day in October, she wouldn't of ever seen the best of it
Or known that it would get better
and it did!
And she now sits at her laptop, with a smile on her face and warmth in her heart
It's never been an easy road and it won't ever be
But at least she knows she's lived through the worst
And it can only get better from here
So whenever she feels lonely or gets back into that dark spot again
She can look back on what she's learned and can read this poem
And remember that she survived the darkest depths of depression
And she will continue to survive it as long as she lives
Because she is stronger now than she ever was before ?
Copyright © Darian Rehder | Year Posted 2013
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Darian Rehder Poem
They always say you can't be beautiful
Without being skinny as a stick
But damn it society I want to be seen and I want to be...
beautiful in my own way
Before the blood drips on the floor
from the scratches in my arm
from the pain inside my heart
don't you understand
You're making this too hard on us
us girls with a little extra weight
us girls with bumps on our face
just shut up I'm sick and tired of this
This shouldn't have to be my fate
I don't want to die to be seen and heard
to be recognized as someone beautiful...
But isn't that the only way?
When a society you thought you knew is telling you that you can't be beautiful
without having to fit some social standard
that's bull*****don't you understand
That's why so many teenagers are dying every day
I want to be pretty
without having to change
is that too much to ask
I want to be loved
without having to change who I am!
By a girl instead of a man
Let me live my own life
stop telling me that I can't!
Society you're killing us all
making us take our life because you all can't understand
that being who you are is what makes you beautiful
But we have to take a knife to our throat
to make you all see
the beauty inside of us
Can't you let us be.
I want to be beautiful...
but I just don't know how
when everyone around me
is telling me how to live
Make this stop
This pain and suffering
Let us all be equal
A whole
No more hurt
no more sorrow
no more suicide
Just make it stop...
Copyright © Darian Rehder | Year Posted 2013
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Darian Rehder Poem
Germs, marked with a big red J crawl inside your heart one by one
They take over your brain, causing you to do and say things you didn't mean
The more space they consume, the more you worry that you're going to be left again
Abandonment will take over you once more.
The funny thing about these germs though is that they're created by your own body
Then your body rejects them like they're some sort of foreign object
But you can't get rid of them that easy
Medication will not make you feel better this time
The only cure to these germs is love
Love that cannot be seen or heard, but felt
And the second that love is questioned or challenged your body makes more germs
Possessiveness is not the answer though
The germs watch as the ones you love live their lives and talk to people who aren't you
Then they laugh their menacing laugh and they create more germs in your brain
But these germs are different.
'A' is the letter that marks these germs in dark blue
These new germs flood your brain with irrational thoughts and feelings
The J germs and the A germs multiply until you can't figure out which is which
Yet you try so hard to give everyone their own life
Ignoring the germs will never help but obsessing will not help either
Then the germs scream at you.
They scream at you to push everyone away that you're close to
You're just so scared you're going to lose them
Giving up is just as bad as possessiveness
Now that you're confused with yourself some new germs are born
A crossbreed of the J germs and the A germs
These new germs are called the C germs
Confusion with yourself causes more pain.
Now you push everyone away and a new germ is born; the G germ
Everything is falling farther and farther apart like never before
The germs keep multiplying and encouraging each other
Guilt has arisen.
The cycle of germs is a vicious one
They won't stop multiplying until you feel as if you can't control anything anymore
The fact that you can't control it pushes them all away more and more
Friendship has been lost
It started with the germs marked with the red J
It ended with regret and hurt for everyone
All the germs keep multiplying; crossbreeding, inbreeding, breeding with their own kind
Control is lost
All you were fighting for in the first place was to not lose the ones you love
Now you're not even sure if they love you anymore
You've screwed it up too much
And the cycle begins again...
Copyright © Darian Rehder | Year Posted 2013
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Darian Rehder Poem
You know me better than I know myself
I know you more than I've ever known anyone else
Thousands of miles aways doesn't stop our friendship
A bond that lasts forever no matter what mood we're in
You're there for me like I'm there for you
I will hold you when you're scared
I will dry your tears when you'r heartbroken
We're there for each other no matter what
You are more like a sister to me after all this time
I can't imagine living life without you by my side
I'll always hold our memories close to my heart
Especially when times get dark for us
You will always be my sister
No matter what happens
And I yours
I love you!
Copyright © Darian Rehder | Year Posted 2013
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